InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ A Never-Ending Love ❯ Chapter 13
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: DragonGrl 
Unending struggles... Heartbreaking Tragedies... What will happen with Sesshomaru and Rin's relationship?
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Drama | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 12.01.2005 | Updated On: 07.31.2006 | Pages: 3 | Words: 7.1K | Visits: 491 | Status: Work In Progress
Unending struggles... Heartbreaking Tragedies... What will happen with Sesshomaru and Rin's relationship?
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Drama | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 12.01.2005 | Updated On: 07.31.2006 | Pages: 3 | Words: 7.1K | Visits: 491 | Status: Work In Progress
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the InuYasha characters they belong to Rumiko Takahashi.
‘___’ Thought expressions
“Italic” Whisper expressions
I knew exactly what Sesshomaru was talking about and he made perfect sense. At the beginning though, he wouldn’t have no matter how hard he tried. By then, I just didn’t want to go back to where I was. I didn’t want to go back to being the quiet, lonely and emotionally distressed girl that kept everything to her self because she was afraid to get hurt. The girl that pushed the entire world aside to live as an outcast and because she did, she knew life as no other way. But not anymore, that Rin was gone. Yet the change was hard, especially in the conditions I had to go through for it to happen. It was just difficult having to put so much behind, so many things that had a great impact in my life and molded me to who I was, to the person I’d become. But I managed to stand tall through it all and during the way, I found the strong arms to help keep me there, supporting me whenever I felt like I was going to fall. Yet even after all that happened, after all the emotional turmoil I’d gone through, I still had a feeling that it just wasn’t completely over. In some way, my newfound strength was going to be tested further but I didn’t know exactly to what extent. To be honest, that’s what scared me to death because I wasn’t sure how much pressure I would be able to take until I would finally just, give up.
About Kagome, I didn’t worry about it anymore. She’d chosen to take the path that left me out of her life, then so be it. Yes, it hurt having to see my own sister as a stranger, especially the many times we would all get together at Ayame’s house for special occasions. But I was able to live my life without her before and I was able to do it again. Ever since then though, I started doing something I avoided because of fear, visiting my parents’ graves. I somehow felt like I’d let them down by allowing Kagome to stay away from me. But every time I stood in front of their graves, I could almost hear their voices whisper to me, “Rin, it’s okay. She’ll be fine. It will all be okay.” I could even feel their warmth embrace me through the wind just like they’d done so many times when they were alive. Those moments were what helped ease one of the worries that clouded my mind.
Now my main worry was Koga. After the last encounter with him in the hallway, he disappeared for about 2 months. I even stopped seeing his car in the parking lot and figured that he’d given up. Yet something told me not let my guard down. Our routine remained the same though. When Sesshomaru had to be at work, I would be with Ayame at her home. I guess it helped him breathe easier because her house was heavily guarded. So there was a very slim chance of Koga actually showing up there. Then every evening, we would both return home and spend the rest of the day together.
About 2 months later, I’m guessing that was when Koga decided to make his return. It had started out with seeing his car in the parking lot like before. We both kept an eye out but nothing ever happened. We assumed that maybe it wasn’t even his, it just happened to look like it. About 2 weeks later, that’s when he started leaving small notes at my door. At first, they would be there only when I would be the one to pick them up, which wasn’t very often. The content of the notes didn’t change very much, just as always they were only threats. We did report the notes to the police. The only problem was that the bastard had always typed them, leaving no way to prove that he was behind them. Eventually, the notes became more frequent, reaching to a point that it really didn’t matter who would pick them up. Sesshomaru would burn up with rage every time. Eventually out of desperation, we decided to leave my apartment, hoping he wouldn’t follow.
So for a couple of days, I went to live with Sesshomaru at his studio apartment but it didn’t make a difference. It didn’t take long for the notes to start arriving. At that point, there really was no where we could go because Koga would always show up. Honestly by then, I was afraid. I was scared because I’d seen how far he was willing to go with his little “game.” We went back to my apartment and had the security from the building increased. Lola was well aware of what was happening and kept someone always on watch, walking through the building at all times.
Eventually, the notes stopped. I guess it had become hard for Koga to deliver them because of the heavy security. So for the next couple of weeks, it remained calm and I felt like I was able to finally breathe easy again. Until that one day, when he definitely crossed the line…
It was a quiet evening; Sesshomaru and I were sitting out on the balcony looking up at the stars. It had become our little hobby to stargaze. Sometimes we would even stay out all night just to look at the sunrise at dawn. Earlier that day, I kept getting a premonition that something bad was going to happen but I wasn’t sure what it was going to be. I told Sesshomaru about it and he assured me that nothing was going to happen as long as he was around and I left it at that. So we sat outside, talking and trying to find the constellations in the sky. We were having a blast until suddenly, my cell phone started to ring. We both sat up and looked at each other. It was about midnight and no one would ever call me that late.
Shocked, “Should I pick it up?” I looked at him and then inside.
“Yes, it could probably be an emergency. You never know.”
“All right.” So I stood and stepped into the living room. I’d left my phone on the coffee table. I picked it up and looked at my caller ID.
Peeking in from the outside, “Who is it?”
Shaking my head, “I don’t know, it’s a private number.”
He nudged his head, “Pick it up and find out who it is.”
Nodding, I opened my phone and answered it:
“Hello
Well, it took you long enough to answer the damn phone. Too busy fucking your bastard of a boyfriend?”
At that moment, I felt the blood rush down to my feet and my body became ice cold. I swear I felt when I’d lost all color and suddenly felt the need to sit down because my body could not hold itself up anymore. I couldn’t understand it, everything changed from my cell phone to the house phone, everything and yet he still managed to get a hold of me.
So I lifted the phone back to my ear:
“How did you get my number? What the fuck do you want?
Now, now that’s not the way you speak to people on the phone is it? About your number, it wasn’t very hard to get. All I had to do was pull a few strings, even though you FUCKING changed it all.
Koga, why can’t you just leave me alone?”
Immediately, Sesshomaru stood up and walked inside when he heard the caller’s name. Interrupting me, “Rin, give me the phone,” as he tried to take it away from me.
But Koga yelled from the other side, “DON’T OR YOU’LL BE SORRY. I swear I’ll do something if you do, don’t think I’m not watching you two. I have you clear in my sight.” Immediately, we both turned and looked outside trying to see if we could find where he was but had no luck. So Sesshomaru stood and walked towards the balcony, still looking out.
I stood and started walking behind him, yelling into the phone and looking out as well, “What do you want? What do you plan to get from doing all this?
He chuckled, What I want is you, to have you all to myself. That’s what I plan on getting once I get rid of dog boy over there.
My eyes widened, WHAT? You’re a fucking psycho, Koga. Get some help.” Then I clicked my cell phone off.
Sesshomaru looked towards me, “What did he say?”
I stood still and looked at him, worried, “He’s still pent up on getting me. He… he threatened to kill you, Sess. I’m scared. I… I don’t…” as I felt my eyes begin to water at the thought.
He walked up to me and shook his head, his voice low, “No, it’s ok love. He’s only saying that to scare you. It’s going to be ok.” He cupped my cheek in his hand and wiped a lone tear that fell with his thumb when suddenly; my cell phone rang again.
We both looked down at the phone and I looked back at him, “I’m pretty sure it’s him, I’ll pick it up.”
I was just about to answer it when he stopped me by holding onto my wrist as he shook his head, “No, let me do it. Let me talk to that bastard and see if he has the balls to threaten me personally.”
Shaking my head, “No, you heard what he said before. He’ll do something and I bet you anything that he’s probably armed somewhere.”
He narrowed his eyes, “I doubt he will.” He took the phone away and answered it, yelling into the phone, “Listen you son of a bitch, what the hell do you think you’re trying to do? Who the hell do you think you are? Rin is with me and I will never leave her so she could be in the hands of a bastard like you. If you want her, you’ll have to get through me first. DO YOU HEAR ME?” Then he looked at the phone and put it back on his ear, “HELLO?” Then he looked towards me as he clicked off the phone, “He fucking hung up, the damn coward.”
I looked at him, silently hoping nothing would happen as he yelled into the phone. But when I noticed him click off the phone, I began to wonder what happened, “Did he say something?”
He shook his head and handed me back the phone, “No, I didn’t give him the chance to speak.” Although the moment he turned to look out the window again, the house phone rang.
My eyes widened as I shook my head, “It can’t be.” So I walked towards the desk and picked up the cordless phone off the base.
He walked and stood next to me as he kept looking out the balcony, “I guess you should pick it up since he doesn’t talk to me.”
Nodding, “Ok” I clicked the phone on, “Hello”
“WHAT DID I FUCKING TELL YOU? I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO HIS SORRY ASS. Did you think I was kidding when I said that I have you both clear in my sight?”
Suddenly, I felt goose bumps all over my body and stepped closer to Sesshomaru. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders as I yelled into the phone, “Koga, get this into your brain. I don’t want anything to do with you and never will. I love Sesshomaru and nothing you do will ever change that. Something’s got to make you stop and leave me the fuck alone. Find yourself someone that will care for you because I’m not going to waste my time on you.”
“I DON’T WANT ANYONE ELSE! WHAT I WANT IS YOU RIN AND IF I CAN’T HAVE YOU, I’M NOT GOING TO LET THAT ASSHOLE HAVE YOU EITHER. I’D RATHER SEE YOU DEAD THAN WITH HIM. BUT SINCE YOU STILL REFUSE, I’LL JUST HAVE TO PUT YOU BOTH OUT OF YOUR MISERY.”
He had threatened me; I couldn’t believe it and it only made my blood heat up in rage. It was enough with having him threaten Sess but he threatened me as well, so I looked and yelled into it, “WHAT? Now you’re threatening to kill me?”
All of sudden Sesshomaru shouted, “RIN, LOOK OUT!” Then the should of glass shattering filled the room as he stepped in front of me, knocking us both on the floor. It all happened so quickly that I really didn’t have time to react. He landed on top of me, shielding me from the debris. I heard a loud grunt come from him but didn’t pay much attention as I was still in shock. A few seconds later, once it seemed to be clear, he moved away from me and kneeled as I sat up.
That’s when I looked over to him and found him clutching onto his right arm, which was covered in blood. His face showed obvious signs of great pain. Immediately I gasped and kneeled in front of him, concerned, “OH MY GOD, Sesshomaru. What happened?”
He shut his eyes as a shot of pain ran through his arm and grunted, speaking through clenched teeth, “One of the bullets… hit my arm… gah.”
I felt tears start to sting my eyes at the sight of him. He seemed to be in much pain and it tore me apart to think that it was because of me that he’d gotten hurt. I reached and cupped his cheek, lifting his head to look into his eyes. It was hard holding back the tears and my voice threatened to break but I held it back, in an effort to support him, “Just hold on, my brave prince. I’ll call for help. Just hang on, ok.” He looked at me, his eyes nearly clear from the pain and nodded. I reached for the phone and heard a beeping noise, obviously Koga had hung up after he’d shot at us. But I didn’t care, the life of my love was in danger and all that mattered was to get him better so I called for help.
Once I was done, I dropped the phone on the floor and returned to him. I held his head in my hands and lifted it towards me again, looking at him, “It’s ok, help is on the way. Just… please hang on Sess. I’m right here with you, I’m not going to leave your side,” as I placed a kiss on his damp forehead. By then, he was sweating profusely. All he did was nod and placed his head on my shoulder while I started applying pressure to his arm, trying in vain to stop the bleeding.
About 5 minutes later, Sesshomaru wasn’t looking too well by then. He’d lost too much blood and his skin was beginning to turn pale. I honestly thought he was going to die on me. I couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks as I tried to stop the bleeding, yet seeing it there, seeing that the more I tried to stop it the less it did was what worsened it. It was his life source and it was slipping through my fingers. I wasn’t able to do anything to stop it, I was helpless. The only thought running though my head that moment was that I was going to lose him and it kept tearing at my heart, I didn’t want to, he meant to much to me but as I’d said before, I was helpless like I’d always been. That time though, he wouldn’t be able to lend me a hand like he always did because that time, it was he who needed the help and I couldn’t give it to him. A few moments later, both the police and paramedics arrived. The police immediately started to interrogate me on what happened but I refused to answer, all I wanted was to get Sesshomaru to the hospital as soon as possible. Even as the paramedics rushed him to the nearest hospital, I never left his side. While in the ambulance with him, I keep looking at him, seeing him look paler than ever and silently hoped, prayed that he would be ok. I didn’t hesitate and left the police in the apartment to take whatever evidence they needed. The detective though kept insisting that I stay but I didn’t listen, I left anyway. Immediately when we arrived to the hospital, he was taken in and I was forced to wait in the lobby. I sat in the lobby looking a frightful mess with my hands and part of my clothing covered in Sesshomaru’s blood. The few people in there just stared at me but I didn’t care. I sat in one of the chairs and I just couldn’t hold it in anymore; I bent down and started to cry into my hands, not caring that the blood was staining my face. I began to cry painful sobs, hearing them almost echo through the hallway of how loud they’d become. The sight and scent of his blood making it worse, reminding me that it was because of me that he was in this situation. All because of me, everything had been because of me.
My thoughts were suddenly broken by a sweet voice, “Miss, are you all right?”
I looked up to see it was one of the young nurses. She wore the traditional nurse outfit and I noticed her name badge, Eri. But since nothing mattered to me anymore, I turned away from her and sniffled as I shook my head, coldly, “No, I’m not.” I started to wipe my eyes with the back of my hand.
“Oh.” Then she changed the subject, her voice cheery, “If you’ll come with me, I’ll help you clean up.” I turned and looked at her again. Her smile and cheery face reminding me of the Rin I used to be before my parents died. The Rin that hardly anyone got to know and the same Rin that died the day I received the news of my parents passing. So in memory of that Rin, I didn’t argue with her and stood up. So I let her lead me towards the restrooms, as I said nothing to her just sniffled. She stepped aside to allowed me to walk in first, “Ok, here we are.”
I walked up towards the sinks but the moment I turned and looked at myself in the mirror, my eyes widened and I gasped. My eyes filled up with tears again at the sight of my face smeared with blood. I couldn’t hold it and leaned on the sink in front of me as I lowered my head to cry once again. The tears fell into the sink as I felt my body nearly go limp and slumped my shoulders.
Eri walked up next to me, speaking into my ear, “It’s all right, miss. Do you want me to call someone for you? Perhaps a family member?”
I looked towards her and nodded, in between sobs, “Yes… Ayame… Ishikawa…” My voice as low as a whisper, “Please,” as I turned over before another sob escaped me.
“Ok but what’s your name?”
I lowered my head and shut my eyes, speaking through clenched teeth, “R… Rin,” spitting it out as if it was venom. Just the sound of it made me fill up with rage, rage because it had to belong to me. I was the one that was the cause of so many misfortunes to the people I loved the most. I felt so much hate towards myself, a feeling that I never felt towards anyone, not even Koga. Although at the time, I didn’t even hesitate to feel it towards myself.
“It’s going to be ok, Rin. Just stay here while I make the phone call, ok?” as she rubbed my back. But her comforting words made no difference; a river of tears still flowed freely down my blood stained cheeks.
When Eri stepped out, I lifted my head up again and looked at myself in the mirror. I noticed the streaks my tears left on my cheeks as they cut through the blood that already stood there. The stench of dried blood making me sick to my stomach but nonetheless, I made no effort to wipe it off. I left it there to stand as my curse and punishment for endangering the life of my angel. I lifted my arms and banged my fists hard on the mirror in front of me, sobbing heavily. The impact shattering it into small pieces and I heard them clink as they fell on the floor. I pulled back and looked down at my hands, finding them covered in cuts. But instead of tending to my wounds, I turned over and locked myself in the large stall, sitting on the floor and staring towards the door. The anger towards myself increasing as time passed.
20 minutes later, I had calmed down a bit. I wasn’t sobbing anymore but still had tears trickling down my cheeks. Fortunately during the entire time I was alone, no one entered the restroom and noticed the broken mirror until someone finally came in.
“Rin?” It was Eri but I never answered, just continued staring at the door. I heard footsteps walk towards the inside and gasps followed.
Sounding shocked, “Oh my God, what happened here? Rin, dear, where are you?” My eyes widened at the sound of the second voice. Immediately I stood, not answering and opened the door, finding Ayame standing by the second stall with a duffel bag in her hands. When she turned towards me, her eyes widened and I could see them filling up with tears at the sight of me. She gasped as she walked up to me, “God Rin, what happened to you?” I noticed her eyes lock at the bloodstains on my clothing.
I shook my head, my voice low, “It’s not mine.” Then looked down at my hands and back at her.
She shook her head slightly as she dropped the bag on the floor. Then she wrapped arms tightly around me, regardless of the condition I was in and whispered in my ear, “Oh Rin.” Her voice nearly breaking, “Eri told me what happened. Rin, don’t worry about Sesshomaru. He’ll make it through this but you have to be strong. Not just for him but for yourself too.” She pulled back and looked at me, reaching up to wipe the tears as more started to fall. Shaking her head, “I don’t think he’d want you to get sick because of him.”
That’s when I burst into tears again, shaking my head, “No, but it was because of me that he got hurt.” I started kneeling down to the floor for my body had lost all its strength again. I lifted my hands up to my face and covered my eyes, speaking in between sobs, “It’s all… my fault… he did it… trying to… protect… me and it… nearly killed him.”
Ayame kneeled down next to me as I felt her rubbing my back in an effort to comfort me. She pressed her cheek against my forehead and I felt her shake her head slightly, “No, it’s not. You shouldn’t blame yourself. Be strong, Rin. It’ll all be ok, you’ll see.” She placed a kiss on my forehead, “Now come on, we’ve got to get you out of those clothes and clean you up, ok?” I removed my hands from my face and held back any more sobs. I just looked at her answering her with only a nod.
Then Eri spoke, “If you’d like, I could find you an empty room so you can use the shower.”
Ayame turned towards her, nodding, “That would be great, Eri. Thanks.” Then she looked back at me, “Let’s go dear.” She stood up and bent down, holding onto my arms as I started to stand. Once I was up, Eri started to lead us towards an empty room. Once inside, she walked into the bathroom as I sat on the bed and Ayame put the duffel bag next to me. “I brought you some clothes so you can change. I wasn’t sure what to bring you so I just threw whatever I could find. You can choose what you like.”
I shook my head, my voice as low as a whisper, “It doesn’t matter but thank you.” Then as Eri stepped out, I looked towards her.
She walked up to us, “Ok, it’s all ready. I left some accessories by the sink; you’ll find a wash cloth, soap and a towel. I’m sorry but that’s all I could get.”
Ayame walked up to her and held her hand, “No, it’s ok. I really appreciate this Eri. Thank you so much.”
Eri smiled, “You’re welcome. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to work.” She turned and walked out, closing the door behind her.
Ayame walked up to me, “Ok Rin, well first you’ve got to wash up. Go, I’ll be right here waiting for you.” She handed me the bag and lightly pushed me to get off the bed. I stood and walked inside the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror again before I walked into the shower. Once I was done, I walked out and dried myself, reaching into the bag and pulling out some clothes. I ended up wearing a pair of gym pants with a T-shirt. I walked back up to the mirror and looked at myself again. It was completely different to what I’d seen before, so I reached up and touched my cheeks, not believing what I was seeing. It seemed like a hallucination to me, my face was clean but yet on the inside, I felt just like how I looked before I entered the shower, stained and filthy. I started running my fingers through my hair since I didn’t have a brush when Ayame knocked, “Rin, are you all right in there?”
Still “brushing” my hair, I called out loud enough for her to hear, “Yes, I’m ok.” Once I was done, I turned over and picked up the bloodied clothing from the floor. I looked at them for a bit before I dumped them in the trash. Then I reached into the bag and found a pair of slippers, replacing the pair of shoes I was wearing inside the bag. Finally, I opened the door and stepped out, finding Ayame sitting on the chair next to the bed.
Immediately when I stepped out, she stood and walked towards me, “How do you feel?”
I looked at her, my face showing no emotion, “Awful, just like before.”
Her face saddened and she whispered my name before Eri knocked and stepped in. We both turned towards her, “I’m sorry to interrupt but the doctor wants to speak to you. It’s about the patient.”
Immediately we looked at each other and Ayame turned, grabbing her things from the bed before we walked out. The doctor was waiting for us by the lobby. When we walked up to him, he turned and looked at me. I mean, who wouldn’t, I looked awful. My eyes were extremely red and puffy and I had minor cuts all over myself from the mirror that I’d broken. He reached out and shook both our hands, looking at Ayame; “I’m Dr. Munns, I did the surgery on Mr. Kitazawa.” Then his sight switched to me, tilting his head a bit, “Were you the one that came in with him?” I nodded but said nothing to him. He stepped up to me and placed his hand on my forehead, “How do you feel? How come your hands are covered in cuts?” He took my right hand and started examining it.
Frowning, “Fine… glass,” was all I said before I pulled my hand away. So I changed the subject, my face still looking cold, “How is he? Will he be ok?”
He stepped back and I noticed him slightly fidgeting the clipboard in his hands, “Well unfortunately, the bullet deeply penetrated his arm and nicked an artery but it didn’t hit any bone. We were able to take it out but it damaged quite a bit of muscle and he lost a lot of blood. He’s in his room now. We’re giving him blood and have him under strong antibiotics but now it pretty much depends on him.”
My eyes filled with tears again at his words. I lowered my head and closed my eyes, feeling my hands begin to tighten around the handle of the bag. Suddenly Ayame asked, “Will he still have use of his arm?” I immediately looked up at Dr. Munns, waiting for the answer.
He shook his head slightly, “It’s hard to say because of the severe tissue damage.”
At that moment, I felt my body go limp. Tears started to fall as I looked towards the doctor, “Dr. Munns, could I see him?”
“Well he’s asleep right now, he’s still under the anesthesia.”
I shook my head as I kept insisting; “I don’t care.” Then I lowered it, “I just… I… need to see him.” Then I looked back up at him, as tears continued to roll down my cheeks, “Please.”
He looked at me for a second before he nodded, whispering, “All right. Follow me.” He turned around and led us to where Sesshomaru’s room was. When we arrived, he stepped aside and pointed towards the door, “Here it is.” My body suddenly felt cold even though I had Ayame’s coat on. I walked in first with Ayame and Dr. Munns following behind me. When Sesshomaru came into view, my eyes widened and I gasped. The sight of seeing him lying there motionless with tubes all over his arms and in his nose was enough to cause more tears to fall. I walked and stood next to him, looking down at him. His skin almost the color of his hair and his lips an odd shade of purple. Also I noticed that his chest barely rose and fell from his breathing. I said nothing to him just silently cried as I placed my hand over his, feeling it cold under mine.
So I closed my eyes as a silent river of tears began to fall before Dr. Munns spoke, “We’ll leave you two alone, I must speak with Mrs. Ishikawa outside for a moment.”
I opened them and looked towards him, nodding, “Thank you.” He led Ayame out and I could tell that she was crying as well. Once I heard the door close, I pulled up a chair and sat right next to Sesshomaru. I leaned forward and grabbed onto his left hand with both of mine, pressing it on my forehead. I lowered my head, closed my eyes and shook it slightly, my voice threatening to break, “Sesshomaru, I’m really sorry about this. I… I…” A sob suddenly escaped me, “I never wanted you to get hurt, especially because of me. All I’ve ever brought you is hardship and yet, you still stay by my side. But…” I stopped for a second, trying to regain some control. Once I was little calmer, I lifted my head and reached out to touch his forehead, caressing it with my thumb as I shook my head, “But that’s all going to change my love because I can’t… I can’t stay beside you knowing that your life will be in danger. I…” I felt myself losing control as a sob threatened to escape again, “I can’t and won’t allow your death fall on my conscience.” Finally, I lost control and sobbed. I just couldn’t take the thought of him losing his life for me. I lowered my head and lightly sobbed as I tried to hold them back but tears kept rolling down my cheeks.
I looked back at him and slightly shook my head; “I’m willing to do anything for you, Sess. I don’t care if it means having to leave but just as long as I know you’re well, it’s all that matters.” I brought my hand back to hold his and looked down again, resting my forehead on them as my tears fell onto the floor. I slightly shook my head and sighed, “I guess I was just meant to be alone…” I lifted my head to look back at him, “I’d rather be alone than risk losing you like I lost my parents and Hojo.” I just kept looking at him, taking in his image before I brought his cold hand to rest on my lips. Then I kept looking forward, “I’m not sure if you’re listening to me right now but… If you are, rest assured that I’m not going to leave until you’re well. Once I’m sure that you’re ok, that’s when I will. I still don’t know where I’m going to go but… it’s going to be far away where no one could find me. Maybe this way, I can give my loved ones a chance to live happily because all I’ve ever brought them is suffering. All I want is for everyone to continue their lives as if I never existed, especially you.” I looked back towards him, tears still rolling down my cheeks, “I want you to continue your life, find someone that will actually make you happy and not like I have. Even though we won’t be together, you’ll always be in my heart as my guardian angel,” as I placed a kiss on his hand.
Suddenly, Dr. Munns and Ayame stepped in again. I looked at her as she walked towards the foot of the bed and looked down at Sesshomaru, tears running down her cheeks. Then she looked towards me, “Rin, we have to go. It’s late and you need to rest.”
I turned towards Sesshomaru again and lowered my head, placing his hand on my forehead again. I closed my eyes and remained silent, saying a silent prayer before I lifted my head and placed another kiss on his hand before putting it down on the bed. I stood and leaned over him, lowering down to kiss his forehead, whispering, “I love you,” before I pulled back. Standing up, I turned towards Ayame and nodded, signaling to her that I was ready.
We started making our way towards the door and when I was walking by Dr. Munns, he stopped me, “Rin.” I turned towards him, not saying anything. He nudged his head towards Sesshomaru, “He will get better and I’ll do everything I can to make sure of it. Don’t worry, we’ll take good care of him.”
I looked at him and curled my lips up to a smile, nodding, “Thank you,” before I turned and stepped out of the room. We made our way out of the hospital silently, not saying a word to each other.
When we stepped in the car, Ayame turned towards me, “Are you all right Rin?”
I looked towards her and nodded, “Yes.” Then looked down at my hands.
“I’ll have to take you home with me. You can’t go back to your apartment yet. Is that all right with you?”
I looked down at the floor and started at it as I shook head, “It doesn’t matter to me.”
I heard her sigh before she signaled the driver to take off. It was about 5am when we left the hospital and I was tired, exhausted actually. During the drive to her house, we didn’t speak to each other since I had no words. I just leaned my head on the window and looked out, thinking of what I had said to Sesshomaru. I was left with no other choice and I couldn’t let that night’s events repeat themselves again. If he would’ve died that night, I swear I would’ve lost it. I’d go insane almost to the point where death would be the only way to relieve the immense pain that I would’ve been going through. I’m sure I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. But he wasn’t dead, thank goodness and I just had to find a way to protect him, just like he’d protected me so many times before. It was about time I repaid him for all he’s done for me and leaving was the only way I could.
When we arrived to Ayame’s house, we stepped out and walked in. She stopped right by the staircase and turned towards me, “Rin, if you need anything just let me know ok?” All I did was nod and looked up to the second floor. She reached up and cupped my cheek in her hand as I turned to look at her, “You should go to bed. You look exhausted. Go on and have a good rest.” Then she walked up and kissed my cheek.
I whispered, “Good night,” as I turned and started making my way up the stairs to my room. The room I spent my time in when I was previously living there with her. Walking in, I dropped the bag on a chair as I climbed onto the bed. Lying down on my stomach, I turned to face the window. I noticed that it was beginning to lighten as the sun started to rise. Although, my eyes started to water again as more tears started to fall. I’d remembered that Sesshomaru and I had planned to stay up that night to watch the sunrise together. But now, the sun was rising and I was there alone with my place an absolute mess and Sesshomaru in the hospital. Then I lifted myself up and leaned on my elbows, raising my hands up. I looked at my hands, clearly seeing the small gashes I had all over them. I lightly ran my fingers over them, trying to see if they were real and felt the pain come from the cuts only proving that I really wasn’t dreaming, it all really happened. It wasn’t a nightmare where I could just wake up to see everything ok again, to be able to see Sesshomaru smiling down at me as I awoke. Suddenly, I couldn’t hold my tears back anymore and started to cry. So I lowered my head and grasped tightly onto the pillow, disregarding the immense pain coming from my hands and started sobbing uncontrollably.
I cried well into the early morning, replaying all that happened in my head. But I couldn’t sleep, for every time I would close my eyes; I would see Sesshomaru lying in the hospital bed, making me cry even harder. I cried until I absolutely depleted myself of any energy I had left, exhaustion finally forcing me to fall asleep.
‘___’ Thought expressions
“Italic” Whisper expressions
I knew exactly what Sesshomaru was talking about and he made perfect sense. At the beginning though, he wouldn’t have no matter how hard he tried. By then, I just didn’t want to go back to where I was. I didn’t want to go back to being the quiet, lonely and emotionally distressed girl that kept everything to her self because she was afraid to get hurt. The girl that pushed the entire world aside to live as an outcast and because she did, she knew life as no other way. But not anymore, that Rin was gone. Yet the change was hard, especially in the conditions I had to go through for it to happen. It was just difficult having to put so much behind, so many things that had a great impact in my life and molded me to who I was, to the person I’d become. But I managed to stand tall through it all and during the way, I found the strong arms to help keep me there, supporting me whenever I felt like I was going to fall. Yet even after all that happened, after all the emotional turmoil I’d gone through, I still had a feeling that it just wasn’t completely over. In some way, my newfound strength was going to be tested further but I didn’t know exactly to what extent. To be honest, that’s what scared me to death because I wasn’t sure how much pressure I would be able to take until I would finally just, give up.
~*~*~*~
Our relationship afterwards became MUCH stronger since we’d taken the next step. It became more complex and much more serious, so much that we’d become inseparable. It reached to a point where everyone began saying that we were going to spend the rest of our days together. Honestly to me, nothing could make me any happier than spending eternity with Sesshomaru. But my instincts kept alerting us that it wasn’t going to be that way until we removed the obstacle that remained. The same obstacle that had become invisible to everyone else but Sesshomaru and I were well aware of its existence. The obstacle of knowing Koga was still on the loose and was more than willing to do whatever it took to break us apart.About Kagome, I didn’t worry about it anymore. She’d chosen to take the path that left me out of her life, then so be it. Yes, it hurt having to see my own sister as a stranger, especially the many times we would all get together at Ayame’s house for special occasions. But I was able to live my life without her before and I was able to do it again. Ever since then though, I started doing something I avoided because of fear, visiting my parents’ graves. I somehow felt like I’d let them down by allowing Kagome to stay away from me. But every time I stood in front of their graves, I could almost hear their voices whisper to me, “Rin, it’s okay. She’ll be fine. It will all be okay.” I could even feel their warmth embrace me through the wind just like they’d done so many times when they were alive. Those moments were what helped ease one of the worries that clouded my mind.
Now my main worry was Koga. After the last encounter with him in the hallway, he disappeared for about 2 months. I even stopped seeing his car in the parking lot and figured that he’d given up. Yet something told me not let my guard down. Our routine remained the same though. When Sesshomaru had to be at work, I would be with Ayame at her home. I guess it helped him breathe easier because her house was heavily guarded. So there was a very slim chance of Koga actually showing up there. Then every evening, we would both return home and spend the rest of the day together.
About 2 months later, I’m guessing that was when Koga decided to make his return. It had started out with seeing his car in the parking lot like before. We both kept an eye out but nothing ever happened. We assumed that maybe it wasn’t even his, it just happened to look like it. About 2 weeks later, that’s when he started leaving small notes at my door. At first, they would be there only when I would be the one to pick them up, which wasn’t very often. The content of the notes didn’t change very much, just as always they were only threats. We did report the notes to the police. The only problem was that the bastard had always typed them, leaving no way to prove that he was behind them. Eventually, the notes became more frequent, reaching to a point that it really didn’t matter who would pick them up. Sesshomaru would burn up with rage every time. Eventually out of desperation, we decided to leave my apartment, hoping he wouldn’t follow.
So for a couple of days, I went to live with Sesshomaru at his studio apartment but it didn’t make a difference. It didn’t take long for the notes to start arriving. At that point, there really was no where we could go because Koga would always show up. Honestly by then, I was afraid. I was scared because I’d seen how far he was willing to go with his little “game.” We went back to my apartment and had the security from the building increased. Lola was well aware of what was happening and kept someone always on watch, walking through the building at all times.
Eventually, the notes stopped. I guess it had become hard for Koga to deliver them because of the heavy security. So for the next couple of weeks, it remained calm and I felt like I was able to finally breathe easy again. Until that one day, when he definitely crossed the line…
It was a quiet evening; Sesshomaru and I were sitting out on the balcony looking up at the stars. It had become our little hobby to stargaze. Sometimes we would even stay out all night just to look at the sunrise at dawn. Earlier that day, I kept getting a premonition that something bad was going to happen but I wasn’t sure what it was going to be. I told Sesshomaru about it and he assured me that nothing was going to happen as long as he was around and I left it at that. So we sat outside, talking and trying to find the constellations in the sky. We were having a blast until suddenly, my cell phone started to ring. We both sat up and looked at each other. It was about midnight and no one would ever call me that late.
Shocked, “Should I pick it up?” I looked at him and then inside.
“Yes, it could probably be an emergency. You never know.”
“All right.” So I stood and stepped into the living room. I’d left my phone on the coffee table. I picked it up and looked at my caller ID.
Peeking in from the outside, “Who is it?”
Shaking my head, “I don’t know, it’s a private number.”
He nudged his head, “Pick it up and find out who it is.”
Nodding, I opened my phone and answered it:
“Hello
Well, it took you long enough to answer the damn phone. Too busy fucking your bastard of a boyfriend?”
At that moment, I felt the blood rush down to my feet and my body became ice cold. I swear I felt when I’d lost all color and suddenly felt the need to sit down because my body could not hold itself up anymore. I couldn’t understand it, everything changed from my cell phone to the house phone, everything and yet he still managed to get a hold of me.
So I lifted the phone back to my ear:
“How did you get my number? What the fuck do you want?
Now, now that’s not the way you speak to people on the phone is it? About your number, it wasn’t very hard to get. All I had to do was pull a few strings, even though you FUCKING changed it all.
Koga, why can’t you just leave me alone?”
Immediately, Sesshomaru stood up and walked inside when he heard the caller’s name. Interrupting me, “Rin, give me the phone,” as he tried to take it away from me.
But Koga yelled from the other side, “DON’T OR YOU’LL BE SORRY. I swear I’ll do something if you do, don’t think I’m not watching you two. I have you clear in my sight.” Immediately, we both turned and looked outside trying to see if we could find where he was but had no luck. So Sesshomaru stood and walked towards the balcony, still looking out.
I stood and started walking behind him, yelling into the phone and looking out as well, “What do you want? What do you plan to get from doing all this?
He chuckled, What I want is you, to have you all to myself. That’s what I plan on getting once I get rid of dog boy over there.
My eyes widened, WHAT? You’re a fucking psycho, Koga. Get some help.” Then I clicked my cell phone off.
Sesshomaru looked towards me, “What did he say?”
I stood still and looked at him, worried, “He’s still pent up on getting me. He… he threatened to kill you, Sess. I’m scared. I… I don’t…” as I felt my eyes begin to water at the thought.
He walked up to me and shook his head, his voice low, “No, it’s ok love. He’s only saying that to scare you. It’s going to be ok.” He cupped my cheek in his hand and wiped a lone tear that fell with his thumb when suddenly; my cell phone rang again.
We both looked down at the phone and I looked back at him, “I’m pretty sure it’s him, I’ll pick it up.”
I was just about to answer it when he stopped me by holding onto my wrist as he shook his head, “No, let me do it. Let me talk to that bastard and see if he has the balls to threaten me personally.”
Shaking my head, “No, you heard what he said before. He’ll do something and I bet you anything that he’s probably armed somewhere.”
He narrowed his eyes, “I doubt he will.” He took the phone away and answered it, yelling into the phone, “Listen you son of a bitch, what the hell do you think you’re trying to do? Who the hell do you think you are? Rin is with me and I will never leave her so she could be in the hands of a bastard like you. If you want her, you’ll have to get through me first. DO YOU HEAR ME?” Then he looked at the phone and put it back on his ear, “HELLO?” Then he looked towards me as he clicked off the phone, “He fucking hung up, the damn coward.”
I looked at him, silently hoping nothing would happen as he yelled into the phone. But when I noticed him click off the phone, I began to wonder what happened, “Did he say something?”
He shook his head and handed me back the phone, “No, I didn’t give him the chance to speak.” Although the moment he turned to look out the window again, the house phone rang.
My eyes widened as I shook my head, “It can’t be.” So I walked towards the desk and picked up the cordless phone off the base.
He walked and stood next to me as he kept looking out the balcony, “I guess you should pick it up since he doesn’t talk to me.”
Nodding, “Ok” I clicked the phone on, “Hello”
“WHAT DID I FUCKING TELL YOU? I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO HIS SORRY ASS. Did you think I was kidding when I said that I have you both clear in my sight?”
Suddenly, I felt goose bumps all over my body and stepped closer to Sesshomaru. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders as I yelled into the phone, “Koga, get this into your brain. I don’t want anything to do with you and never will. I love Sesshomaru and nothing you do will ever change that. Something’s got to make you stop and leave me the fuck alone. Find yourself someone that will care for you because I’m not going to waste my time on you.”
“I DON’T WANT ANYONE ELSE! WHAT I WANT IS YOU RIN AND IF I CAN’T HAVE YOU, I’M NOT GOING TO LET THAT ASSHOLE HAVE YOU EITHER. I’D RATHER SEE YOU DEAD THAN WITH HIM. BUT SINCE YOU STILL REFUSE, I’LL JUST HAVE TO PUT YOU BOTH OUT OF YOUR MISERY.”
He had threatened me; I couldn’t believe it and it only made my blood heat up in rage. It was enough with having him threaten Sess but he threatened me as well, so I looked and yelled into it, “WHAT? Now you’re threatening to kill me?”
All of sudden Sesshomaru shouted, “RIN, LOOK OUT!” Then the should of glass shattering filled the room as he stepped in front of me, knocking us both on the floor. It all happened so quickly that I really didn’t have time to react. He landed on top of me, shielding me from the debris. I heard a loud grunt come from him but didn’t pay much attention as I was still in shock. A few seconds later, once it seemed to be clear, he moved away from me and kneeled as I sat up.
That’s when I looked over to him and found him clutching onto his right arm, which was covered in blood. His face showed obvious signs of great pain. Immediately I gasped and kneeled in front of him, concerned, “OH MY GOD, Sesshomaru. What happened?”
He shut his eyes as a shot of pain ran through his arm and grunted, speaking through clenched teeth, “One of the bullets… hit my arm… gah.”
I felt tears start to sting my eyes at the sight of him. He seemed to be in much pain and it tore me apart to think that it was because of me that he’d gotten hurt. I reached and cupped his cheek, lifting his head to look into his eyes. It was hard holding back the tears and my voice threatened to break but I held it back, in an effort to support him, “Just hold on, my brave prince. I’ll call for help. Just hang on, ok.” He looked at me, his eyes nearly clear from the pain and nodded. I reached for the phone and heard a beeping noise, obviously Koga had hung up after he’d shot at us. But I didn’t care, the life of my love was in danger and all that mattered was to get him better so I called for help.
Once I was done, I dropped the phone on the floor and returned to him. I held his head in my hands and lifted it towards me again, looking at him, “It’s ok, help is on the way. Just… please hang on Sess. I’m right here with you, I’m not going to leave your side,” as I placed a kiss on his damp forehead. By then, he was sweating profusely. All he did was nod and placed his head on my shoulder while I started applying pressure to his arm, trying in vain to stop the bleeding.
About 5 minutes later, Sesshomaru wasn’t looking too well by then. He’d lost too much blood and his skin was beginning to turn pale. I honestly thought he was going to die on me. I couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks as I tried to stop the bleeding, yet seeing it there, seeing that the more I tried to stop it the less it did was what worsened it. It was his life source and it was slipping through my fingers. I wasn’t able to do anything to stop it, I was helpless. The only thought running though my head that moment was that I was going to lose him and it kept tearing at my heart, I didn’t want to, he meant to much to me but as I’d said before, I was helpless like I’d always been. That time though, he wouldn’t be able to lend me a hand like he always did because that time, it was he who needed the help and I couldn’t give it to him. A few moments later, both the police and paramedics arrived. The police immediately started to interrogate me on what happened but I refused to answer, all I wanted was to get Sesshomaru to the hospital as soon as possible. Even as the paramedics rushed him to the nearest hospital, I never left his side. While in the ambulance with him, I keep looking at him, seeing him look paler than ever and silently hoped, prayed that he would be ok. I didn’t hesitate and left the police in the apartment to take whatever evidence they needed. The detective though kept insisting that I stay but I didn’t listen, I left anyway. Immediately when we arrived to the hospital, he was taken in and I was forced to wait in the lobby. I sat in the lobby looking a frightful mess with my hands and part of my clothing covered in Sesshomaru’s blood. The few people in there just stared at me but I didn’t care. I sat in one of the chairs and I just couldn’t hold it in anymore; I bent down and started to cry into my hands, not caring that the blood was staining my face. I began to cry painful sobs, hearing them almost echo through the hallway of how loud they’d become. The sight and scent of his blood making it worse, reminding me that it was because of me that he was in this situation. All because of me, everything had been because of me.
My thoughts were suddenly broken by a sweet voice, “Miss, are you all right?”
I looked up to see it was one of the young nurses. She wore the traditional nurse outfit and I noticed her name badge, Eri. But since nothing mattered to me anymore, I turned away from her and sniffled as I shook my head, coldly, “No, I’m not.” I started to wipe my eyes with the back of my hand.
“Oh.” Then she changed the subject, her voice cheery, “If you’ll come with me, I’ll help you clean up.” I turned and looked at her again. Her smile and cheery face reminding me of the Rin I used to be before my parents died. The Rin that hardly anyone got to know and the same Rin that died the day I received the news of my parents passing. So in memory of that Rin, I didn’t argue with her and stood up. So I let her lead me towards the restrooms, as I said nothing to her just sniffled. She stepped aside to allowed me to walk in first, “Ok, here we are.”
I walked up towards the sinks but the moment I turned and looked at myself in the mirror, my eyes widened and I gasped. My eyes filled up with tears again at the sight of my face smeared with blood. I couldn’t hold it and leaned on the sink in front of me as I lowered my head to cry once again. The tears fell into the sink as I felt my body nearly go limp and slumped my shoulders.
Eri walked up next to me, speaking into my ear, “It’s all right, miss. Do you want me to call someone for you? Perhaps a family member?”
I looked towards her and nodded, in between sobs, “Yes… Ayame… Ishikawa…” My voice as low as a whisper, “Please,” as I turned over before another sob escaped me.
“Ok but what’s your name?”
I lowered my head and shut my eyes, speaking through clenched teeth, “R… Rin,” spitting it out as if it was venom. Just the sound of it made me fill up with rage, rage because it had to belong to me. I was the one that was the cause of so many misfortunes to the people I loved the most. I felt so much hate towards myself, a feeling that I never felt towards anyone, not even Koga. Although at the time, I didn’t even hesitate to feel it towards myself.
“It’s going to be ok, Rin. Just stay here while I make the phone call, ok?” as she rubbed my back. But her comforting words made no difference; a river of tears still flowed freely down my blood stained cheeks.
When Eri stepped out, I lifted my head up again and looked at myself in the mirror. I noticed the streaks my tears left on my cheeks as they cut through the blood that already stood there. The stench of dried blood making me sick to my stomach but nonetheless, I made no effort to wipe it off. I left it there to stand as my curse and punishment for endangering the life of my angel. I lifted my arms and banged my fists hard on the mirror in front of me, sobbing heavily. The impact shattering it into small pieces and I heard them clink as they fell on the floor. I pulled back and looked down at my hands, finding them covered in cuts. But instead of tending to my wounds, I turned over and locked myself in the large stall, sitting on the floor and staring towards the door. The anger towards myself increasing as time passed.
20 minutes later, I had calmed down a bit. I wasn’t sobbing anymore but still had tears trickling down my cheeks. Fortunately during the entire time I was alone, no one entered the restroom and noticed the broken mirror until someone finally came in.
“Rin?” It was Eri but I never answered, just continued staring at the door. I heard footsteps walk towards the inside and gasps followed.
Sounding shocked, “Oh my God, what happened here? Rin, dear, where are you?” My eyes widened at the sound of the second voice. Immediately I stood, not answering and opened the door, finding Ayame standing by the second stall with a duffel bag in her hands. When she turned towards me, her eyes widened and I could see them filling up with tears at the sight of me. She gasped as she walked up to me, “God Rin, what happened to you?” I noticed her eyes lock at the bloodstains on my clothing.
I shook my head, my voice low, “It’s not mine.” Then looked down at my hands and back at her.
She shook her head slightly as she dropped the bag on the floor. Then she wrapped arms tightly around me, regardless of the condition I was in and whispered in my ear, “Oh Rin.” Her voice nearly breaking, “Eri told me what happened. Rin, don’t worry about Sesshomaru. He’ll make it through this but you have to be strong. Not just for him but for yourself too.” She pulled back and looked at me, reaching up to wipe the tears as more started to fall. Shaking her head, “I don’t think he’d want you to get sick because of him.”
That’s when I burst into tears again, shaking my head, “No, but it was because of me that he got hurt.” I started kneeling down to the floor for my body had lost all its strength again. I lifted my hands up to my face and covered my eyes, speaking in between sobs, “It’s all… my fault… he did it… trying to… protect… me and it… nearly killed him.”
Ayame kneeled down next to me as I felt her rubbing my back in an effort to comfort me. She pressed her cheek against my forehead and I felt her shake her head slightly, “No, it’s not. You shouldn’t blame yourself. Be strong, Rin. It’ll all be ok, you’ll see.” She placed a kiss on my forehead, “Now come on, we’ve got to get you out of those clothes and clean you up, ok?” I removed my hands from my face and held back any more sobs. I just looked at her answering her with only a nod.
Then Eri spoke, “If you’d like, I could find you an empty room so you can use the shower.”
Ayame turned towards her, nodding, “That would be great, Eri. Thanks.” Then she looked back at me, “Let’s go dear.” She stood up and bent down, holding onto my arms as I started to stand. Once I was up, Eri started to lead us towards an empty room. Once inside, she walked into the bathroom as I sat on the bed and Ayame put the duffel bag next to me. “I brought you some clothes so you can change. I wasn’t sure what to bring you so I just threw whatever I could find. You can choose what you like.”
I shook my head, my voice as low as a whisper, “It doesn’t matter but thank you.” Then as Eri stepped out, I looked towards her.
She walked up to us, “Ok, it’s all ready. I left some accessories by the sink; you’ll find a wash cloth, soap and a towel. I’m sorry but that’s all I could get.”
Ayame walked up to her and held her hand, “No, it’s ok. I really appreciate this Eri. Thank you so much.”
Eri smiled, “You’re welcome. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to work.” She turned and walked out, closing the door behind her.
Ayame walked up to me, “Ok Rin, well first you’ve got to wash up. Go, I’ll be right here waiting for you.” She handed me the bag and lightly pushed me to get off the bed. I stood and walked inside the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror again before I walked into the shower. Once I was done, I walked out and dried myself, reaching into the bag and pulling out some clothes. I ended up wearing a pair of gym pants with a T-shirt. I walked back up to the mirror and looked at myself again. It was completely different to what I’d seen before, so I reached up and touched my cheeks, not believing what I was seeing. It seemed like a hallucination to me, my face was clean but yet on the inside, I felt just like how I looked before I entered the shower, stained and filthy. I started running my fingers through my hair since I didn’t have a brush when Ayame knocked, “Rin, are you all right in there?”
Still “brushing” my hair, I called out loud enough for her to hear, “Yes, I’m ok.” Once I was done, I turned over and picked up the bloodied clothing from the floor. I looked at them for a bit before I dumped them in the trash. Then I reached into the bag and found a pair of slippers, replacing the pair of shoes I was wearing inside the bag. Finally, I opened the door and stepped out, finding Ayame sitting on the chair next to the bed.
Immediately when I stepped out, she stood and walked towards me, “How do you feel?”
I looked at her, my face showing no emotion, “Awful, just like before.”
Her face saddened and she whispered my name before Eri knocked and stepped in. We both turned towards her, “I’m sorry to interrupt but the doctor wants to speak to you. It’s about the patient.”
Immediately we looked at each other and Ayame turned, grabbing her things from the bed before we walked out. The doctor was waiting for us by the lobby. When we walked up to him, he turned and looked at me. I mean, who wouldn’t, I looked awful. My eyes were extremely red and puffy and I had minor cuts all over myself from the mirror that I’d broken. He reached out and shook both our hands, looking at Ayame; “I’m Dr. Munns, I did the surgery on Mr. Kitazawa.” Then his sight switched to me, tilting his head a bit, “Were you the one that came in with him?” I nodded but said nothing to him. He stepped up to me and placed his hand on my forehead, “How do you feel? How come your hands are covered in cuts?” He took my right hand and started examining it.
Frowning, “Fine… glass,” was all I said before I pulled my hand away. So I changed the subject, my face still looking cold, “How is he? Will he be ok?”
He stepped back and I noticed him slightly fidgeting the clipboard in his hands, “Well unfortunately, the bullet deeply penetrated his arm and nicked an artery but it didn’t hit any bone. We were able to take it out but it damaged quite a bit of muscle and he lost a lot of blood. He’s in his room now. We’re giving him blood and have him under strong antibiotics but now it pretty much depends on him.”
My eyes filled with tears again at his words. I lowered my head and closed my eyes, feeling my hands begin to tighten around the handle of the bag. Suddenly Ayame asked, “Will he still have use of his arm?” I immediately looked up at Dr. Munns, waiting for the answer.
He shook his head slightly, “It’s hard to say because of the severe tissue damage.”
At that moment, I felt my body go limp. Tears started to fall as I looked towards the doctor, “Dr. Munns, could I see him?”
“Well he’s asleep right now, he’s still under the anesthesia.”
I shook my head as I kept insisting; “I don’t care.” Then I lowered it, “I just… I… need to see him.” Then I looked back up at him, as tears continued to roll down my cheeks, “Please.”
He looked at me for a second before he nodded, whispering, “All right. Follow me.” He turned around and led us to where Sesshomaru’s room was. When we arrived, he stepped aside and pointed towards the door, “Here it is.” My body suddenly felt cold even though I had Ayame’s coat on. I walked in first with Ayame and Dr. Munns following behind me. When Sesshomaru came into view, my eyes widened and I gasped. The sight of seeing him lying there motionless with tubes all over his arms and in his nose was enough to cause more tears to fall. I walked and stood next to him, looking down at him. His skin almost the color of his hair and his lips an odd shade of purple. Also I noticed that his chest barely rose and fell from his breathing. I said nothing to him just silently cried as I placed my hand over his, feeling it cold under mine.
So I closed my eyes as a silent river of tears began to fall before Dr. Munns spoke, “We’ll leave you two alone, I must speak with Mrs. Ishikawa outside for a moment.”
I opened them and looked towards him, nodding, “Thank you.” He led Ayame out and I could tell that she was crying as well. Once I heard the door close, I pulled up a chair and sat right next to Sesshomaru. I leaned forward and grabbed onto his left hand with both of mine, pressing it on my forehead. I lowered my head, closed my eyes and shook it slightly, my voice threatening to break, “Sesshomaru, I’m really sorry about this. I… I…” A sob suddenly escaped me, “I never wanted you to get hurt, especially because of me. All I’ve ever brought you is hardship and yet, you still stay by my side. But…” I stopped for a second, trying to regain some control. Once I was little calmer, I lifted my head and reached out to touch his forehead, caressing it with my thumb as I shook my head, “But that’s all going to change my love because I can’t… I can’t stay beside you knowing that your life will be in danger. I…” I felt myself losing control as a sob threatened to escape again, “I can’t and won’t allow your death fall on my conscience.” Finally, I lost control and sobbed. I just couldn’t take the thought of him losing his life for me. I lowered my head and lightly sobbed as I tried to hold them back but tears kept rolling down my cheeks.
I looked back at him and slightly shook my head; “I’m willing to do anything for you, Sess. I don’t care if it means having to leave but just as long as I know you’re well, it’s all that matters.” I brought my hand back to hold his and looked down again, resting my forehead on them as my tears fell onto the floor. I slightly shook my head and sighed, “I guess I was just meant to be alone…” I lifted my head to look back at him, “I’d rather be alone than risk losing you like I lost my parents and Hojo.” I just kept looking at him, taking in his image before I brought his cold hand to rest on my lips. Then I kept looking forward, “I’m not sure if you’re listening to me right now but… If you are, rest assured that I’m not going to leave until you’re well. Once I’m sure that you’re ok, that’s when I will. I still don’t know where I’m going to go but… it’s going to be far away where no one could find me. Maybe this way, I can give my loved ones a chance to live happily because all I’ve ever brought them is suffering. All I want is for everyone to continue their lives as if I never existed, especially you.” I looked back towards him, tears still rolling down my cheeks, “I want you to continue your life, find someone that will actually make you happy and not like I have. Even though we won’t be together, you’ll always be in my heart as my guardian angel,” as I placed a kiss on his hand.
Suddenly, Dr. Munns and Ayame stepped in again. I looked at her as she walked towards the foot of the bed and looked down at Sesshomaru, tears running down her cheeks. Then she looked towards me, “Rin, we have to go. It’s late and you need to rest.”
I turned towards Sesshomaru again and lowered my head, placing his hand on my forehead again. I closed my eyes and remained silent, saying a silent prayer before I lifted my head and placed another kiss on his hand before putting it down on the bed. I stood and leaned over him, lowering down to kiss his forehead, whispering, “I love you,” before I pulled back. Standing up, I turned towards Ayame and nodded, signaling to her that I was ready.
We started making our way towards the door and when I was walking by Dr. Munns, he stopped me, “Rin.” I turned towards him, not saying anything. He nudged his head towards Sesshomaru, “He will get better and I’ll do everything I can to make sure of it. Don’t worry, we’ll take good care of him.”
I looked at him and curled my lips up to a smile, nodding, “Thank you,” before I turned and stepped out of the room. We made our way out of the hospital silently, not saying a word to each other.
When we stepped in the car, Ayame turned towards me, “Are you all right Rin?”
I looked towards her and nodded, “Yes.” Then looked down at my hands.
“I’ll have to take you home with me. You can’t go back to your apartment yet. Is that all right with you?”
I looked down at the floor and started at it as I shook head, “It doesn’t matter to me.”
I heard her sigh before she signaled the driver to take off. It was about 5am when we left the hospital and I was tired, exhausted actually. During the drive to her house, we didn’t speak to each other since I had no words. I just leaned my head on the window and looked out, thinking of what I had said to Sesshomaru. I was left with no other choice and I couldn’t let that night’s events repeat themselves again. If he would’ve died that night, I swear I would’ve lost it. I’d go insane almost to the point where death would be the only way to relieve the immense pain that I would’ve been going through. I’m sure I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. But he wasn’t dead, thank goodness and I just had to find a way to protect him, just like he’d protected me so many times before. It was about time I repaid him for all he’s done for me and leaving was the only way I could.
When we arrived to Ayame’s house, we stepped out and walked in. She stopped right by the staircase and turned towards me, “Rin, if you need anything just let me know ok?” All I did was nod and looked up to the second floor. She reached up and cupped my cheek in her hand as I turned to look at her, “You should go to bed. You look exhausted. Go on and have a good rest.” Then she walked up and kissed my cheek.
I whispered, “Good night,” as I turned and started making my way up the stairs to my room. The room I spent my time in when I was previously living there with her. Walking in, I dropped the bag on a chair as I climbed onto the bed. Lying down on my stomach, I turned to face the window. I noticed that it was beginning to lighten as the sun started to rise. Although, my eyes started to water again as more tears started to fall. I’d remembered that Sesshomaru and I had planned to stay up that night to watch the sunrise together. But now, the sun was rising and I was there alone with my place an absolute mess and Sesshomaru in the hospital. Then I lifted myself up and leaned on my elbows, raising my hands up. I looked at my hands, clearly seeing the small gashes I had all over them. I lightly ran my fingers over them, trying to see if they were real and felt the pain come from the cuts only proving that I really wasn’t dreaming, it all really happened. It wasn’t a nightmare where I could just wake up to see everything ok again, to be able to see Sesshomaru smiling down at me as I awoke. Suddenly, I couldn’t hold my tears back anymore and started to cry. So I lowered my head and grasped tightly onto the pillow, disregarding the immense pain coming from my hands and started sobbing uncontrollably.
I cried well into the early morning, replaying all that happened in my head. But I couldn’t sleep, for every time I would close my eyes; I would see Sesshomaru lying in the hospital bed, making me cry even harder. I cried until I absolutely depleted myself of any energy I had left, exhaustion finally forcing me to fall asleep.
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