InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ A Never-Ending Love ❯ Chapter 14

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the InuYasha characters they belong to Rumiko Takahashi.

‘___’ Thought expressions

“Italic” Whisper expressions

I fell into a deep slumber that night. I was so deeply asleep that I slept through the following two days. Absolutely nothing awoke me, not hunger, nothing. That’s how drained I was from that dreaded night when my world nearly fell apart. The previous events haunting my dreams, giving me nightmares the entire time but even then, my body wasn’t able to wake.

The sunlight began to peek through the windows, as the sun started to slowly rise. I was lying on my stomach facing the window, still sleeping. Suddenly a ray of sunlight peeked through the curtains and hit my face, waking me from my slumber. I tried to open my eyes and closed them again the moment the light reached them. The glare nearly blinded me. I lifted my head up and groaned, immediately lowering it again. It felt as if someone was hitting it with a sledgehammer. I lifted my arms and stood, moving over to sit on the edge of the bed. When I finally opened my eyes, I looked down at my hands, finding them bandaged. I lifted them up to look at them, ‘What the…’

I heard the door open and looked towards it seeing Ayame walk in. Her eyes widened and I heard her gasp at the sight of me awake. She walked up to me, looking shocked and kneeled in front of me. She placed her hand on my knee and curled her lips up to a smile, “Rin, I’m so glad you’re awake.”

I looked at her and said nothing, just observed her. She looked tired and her eyes showed much concern. My face showing no emotion, “How long have I been asleep?”

She lifted her hand and cupped my cheek, as I noticed that her smile faded, “For two days.”

Immediately, my eyes widened, sounding shocked, “What? How could that be?”

She nodded and lowered her hand to place it over mine, “You drained yourself to the last drop of energy and exhausted your body. You haven’t woken up since then. For nothing, you haven’t even eaten anything in the past two days.”

I shook my and placed my hand over it, “No wonder I’m still tired. I feel as if I haven’t slept for days.” I lowered my hand down and looked at it, my stoic demeanor returning.

Ayame stood and sat next to me while taking my hand as she looked down at it. I just looked at her as she spoke, “I bandaged them for you.” She began to run her fingers lightly over the bandages; “They were pretty badly wounded. They looked very painful.” She shook her head, “I’m not sure how you withstood the pain.” She turned towards me and smiled, “But I’m glad the wounds didn’t get infected.”

I lifted my other hand and looked at it, as I shook my head, “I don’t know either. I guess it wasn’t enough to overcome the pain I already felt.” Then I turned towards her, “How is he?”
She looked forward and I heard her very light sigh, “Well, he’s… he’s still in intensive care. He hasn’t woken up yet but it seems to me that he’s getting better. The color is starting to return to him.” Her gaze froze at the door.

I turned to look at the door, “When did you see him?”

“Yesterday.”

“Oh.”

We remained silent for a couple of minutes until Ayame spoke again; “Do you want to see him?”

We turned towards each other and I slightly shook my head, “No.” Then I lowered it and started looking down at my hands again, shaking my head, “I don’t think I’m ready yet,” looking back at her.

She placed her hand on my forearm and squeezed it gently. Her lips curled to a smile, “It’s ok, honey. Don’t worry, he’ll understand plus you need to take care of your health first.”

I looked away from her, sighing, “I suppose.”

Suddenly she changed the subject, trying to sound more optimistic, “Well, you must be hungry. Let’s go have breakfast together. Then you can lay back down again to regain the rest of your energy.” Then she stood and walked up to stand in front of me.

I looked up at her and saw that the concerned look was still present in her green eyes. Even when she tried to hide it, I was still able to tell that it was there. I just didn’t want to see her sad anymore, especially about me. So I nodded and whispered, “All right.” I noticed the smile that grew as the concern slowly started to fade. So I walked up to her and we both headed out the door.

We had our breakfast but I wasn’t hungry. The little food I ate was to ease the worry in Ayame’s eyes. It was the least I could do for putting her through all of that. After that, I headed back towards the room and fell asleep again. The nightmares constantly returning but the fatigue was more than enough to knock me out completely.

I don’t think I could’ve handled seeing Sesshomaru that day especially if he still was in the same condition I’d last seen him. I definitely wouldn’t have been able to take it. My strength hadn’t recovered yet from that immense blow. Ayame went to see him every day and kept closely in touch with Dr. Munns. According to her, Sesshomaru was getting better very quickly. About a week later, he awoke and the first thing he did was asked about me. She let him know I was ok and living with her, easing his worry about my well being. Although, I’m not sure if she told him the condition I was in. I was glad he’d finally woken up but every time she would offer to take me to see him, claiming that he wanted to see me, I refused. Even when I knew that he had finally come to, I still didn’t want to go. I don’t know why, I guess I was afraid.

During the times I was in Ayame’s home alone, all I would do was sit inside my room and look out the balcony, observing the view of the mountains from there. I never realized that during those moments, the Rin I tried so hard to get rid of was coming back. The Rin I was before Sesshomaru entered my life. The same Rin that lived her life alone and knew it as no other way, but that time she had a reason to. If not, the one that brought her back to life would share the same fate as her parents and her former love.

I’d say about two weeks after he’d woken up; I finally gathered the necessary courage to see him again. After breakfast, Ayame and I headed towards the hospital. I was extremely nervous, so much that my hands were literally shaking.

Ayame immediately noticed my nervousness and placed her hand over mine, smiling, “It’s going to be ok, Rin. There’s no need to be nervous.”

I shook my head, “I can’t help it,” as I looked down at my still bandaged hands. The wounds were not completely healed yet. She giggled before she pulled her hand away and looked out the window.

When we arrived at the hospital, my heart nearly stopped. I hesitated many times but Ayame kept moving me along as we headed towards Sesshomaru’s room. By then, he wasn’t in intensive care anymore. They’d transferred him into one of the regular rooms. When I was outside his door, I stopped and stood still right in front of it. My heart started thumping fast, almost to where it could make a hole in my chest. I turned to look at her and she smiled, as she nudged her head towards the door, “Go ahead, I’ll wait for you in the lobby,” and walked away from me.

I looked back towards the door and closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, ‘Ok Rin, calm down. There’s nothing to be nervous about.’

When suddenly a sweet voice interrupted my thoughts, “Rin?” I opened my eyes and turned to find Eri standing next to me with a big smile on her face.

Looking slightly surprised, “Eri.”

She smiled, sounding cheery as always, “Hi, how are you feeling?”

I nodded, as my face became emotionless again, “Much better, thank you.” I looked away and lowered my head, “Eri, I’m sorry about the mirror. I just…” I shook it before I looked back up at her, “Just let me know how much and I’ll pay for the damage.”

“No, don’t worry. I took care of that.” Giggling, “It’s ok, it was a horrible mirror anyway.”

I chuckled, something I hadn’t done in days. My lips curled into a slight smile, “Thanks, Eri… for everything.”

Smiling, “You’re welcome.” She got a page on the intercom and looked away. Then she looked towards me, “Oh, I’ve got to go. Take care, Rin.”

I nodded with a slight smile, “Thanks. You too Eri.” She turned and walked away from me. But when I looked back towards the door, my nervousness returned. Eri’s appearance helped distract me a bit but now that I was facing the door again, my nerves started up. I closed my eyes and took one last deep breath before I reached out for the doorknob. I turned it slowly, trying not to make much noise and opened the door. Once inside, I stood still. I guess waiting to hear something but when nothing came, I assumed that he was asleep. So I started walking further in and gasped when he finally came into view. He was sitting up and reading a book. My eyes instantly filled with tears at the sight of him. He did look better; his skin was back to his tone, all of the tubes were gone except for one and his right arm was in an arm brace. He just, well, he looked… alive.

He lowered the book in his hand and looked up at me, shocked that soon faded. Smiling, “Rin…”

I walked up to his left side, our eyes never leaving each other. His eyes had gotten back the glow I loved so much. They showed every emotion from sorrow to happiness as I walked up to him. I sat in the chair next to him; not saying anything as a tear started to roll down my cheek. Immediately, he reached up with his left hand and cupped my cheek, wiping the tear with his thumb. At the moment his hand touched my cheek, I closed my eyes, feeling the same hand that had been ice cold now felt warm. I nudged my cheek into his hand and opened my eyes, more tears falling down my cheeks. Smiling, “Sess, I’m so glad you’re ok.”

His smile widened but just as I was going to reach up to hold his hand in mine, it faded. He pulled his hand from my cheek to my hand and held onto it. He looked at it then at me, sounding shocked, “What happened to your hands?”

I looked at him, “Oh, they got injured when I broke a mirror with them.” Then I shook my head, “But it doesn’t matter, all that matters is that you’re ok.”

He shot me an angry glare, sounding upset, “What do you mean it doesn’t matter? It matters to me.” My eyes widened but I didn’t say a word just looked down at the bed. He spoke again, sternly, “So what Ayame told me was true. You did this to punish yourself didn’t you?” I closed my eyes and a river of tears started to fall as I lowered my head down completely. He released my hand and reached down, holding onto my chin as he lifted my head up to meet his gaze. He looked straight into my eyes, “Why did you do it Rin? Why are you blaming yourself for something you didn’t do?”

I pulled away and looked aside as a small sob escaped me. Then I turned towards him with my voice slightly raised, “Because I AM to blame for you getting hurt. He did it trying to get to ME.” I just couldn’t hold it in anymore and started to cry. I lowered my head and sobbed into my hands as I shook my head, “If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t be in this situation. It’s because of me that you’ve…”

“That’s enough,” interrupting me before I could finish. I looked up, finding him still looking angry. He lifted his hand and wiped the tears away with his fingers, his face softening as he did. He looked straight into my eyes, “Listen to me Rin, you had nothing to do with this. It’s not your fault that the asshole became obsessed with you. You were just being yourself and he realized how special you truly are. He’s out of his mind and all this is part of his insanity.”

I reached up and held his hand in both of mine as I looked at him, “I know all that but… but he’s going to come back and when he does, he… he won’t stop until he finally kills you.” By the end of the sentence, I started to cry again. I lowered my head and brought my lips close to his hand, shaking it slightly as I sobbed, “and I can’t see that happen.” I tightened my grip on his hand, “ I… I don’t want to be the reason why you lose your life Sesshomaru! I can’t lose you like I’ve lost the others in my life. It would be much too painful for me to live with and I… I wouldn’t be able to take it.” I lowered my head and rested my forehead on his hand, sobbing onto it.

He moved his hand and held onto my chin, lifting my head to meet his gaze, sadness overtaking his expression as he looked at me. He knew I was right and it hurt him to admit it as well. He nudged his head up as he lowered his hand down to my elbow and pulled it, signaling to come up to him. “Come here, love.” I stood and sat on the edge of the bed, reaching out to wrap my arms around his neck and pressed myself closer. Yet I was careful not to hurt his arm. Then I buried my face in his shoulder and continued to cry as I felt him rest his chin on my shoulder and wrap his left arm around me. Then in-between sobs, I whispered in his ear, “What have I… ever done to… deserve all this?”

I felt him sliding his hand up and down my back as he lowered his head to speak into my ear, “You’ve done nothing wrong, Rin. Don’t worry it’ll be all right, sweetheart. We’ll find a way to make it work, you’ll see.” But he sounded as if he had his own doubts. Then he sighed as he lightly rubbed his cheek on mine, “Just please… don’t cry. I hate it when you do.” I knew there was only one way for it to work and it was for us to split up. Although, it tore me apart just to think of it but we both were at a dead end.

I continued to cry until I had no more tears left. I hung onto him for dear life as he kept cooing in my ear trying to calm me down. About half an hour later, he scooted over and allowed me to settle next to him. I rested my head on the pillow, snuggling close to him and closing my eyes, savoring the feeling of having him next to me again and inhaling his soothing scent. He kept caressing my face and stroking my head until I lightly dozed off but I was still well aware of what was happening around me. I heard the door open and kept my eyes closed. That’s when I heard Ayame walk in.

Cheerfully, “Ahh so there she is. I’ve been looking everywhere for her.”

Sesshomaru answered with his voice low; “She’s been here with me. She fell asleep,” as I felt him stroking my head as he spoke.

Ayame walked up closer and lowered her voice, “Did she tell you what happened?”

“She did and started to cry. I hate seeing her cry, Ayame. She’s already cried enough. It tears me apart every time she does.”

Then I felt Ayame’s hand on my arm, stroking it lightly, “Poor thing, she’s had a tough life. First the loss of her parents and then everything else started to pile up on her. So young and has to go through so much, I’m surprised she’s been able to remain sane.”

“I know. She’s strong though. She’s been able to make it through everything.”

“With your help, of course.”

He lightly chuckled, “I don’t know how much help I’ve been. I promised to protect her but… her life is too complex and I realized that there are things that I won’t be able to… Since I first met her, it’s all I wanted to do. The very first day we met in person, her soul reached out to me, crying for help and I couldn’t turn away from that calling. Ever since then, I made a solemn promise to do what ever I could to help her. Now I feel as if I’ve betrayed her, all I wanted was to make her happy but I think I’ve made it worse,” as I felt him nuzzle into my hair.

I wanted to cry hearing those words come from him, I never knew how he really thought about everything and he was wrong, so very wrong. I wanted to tell him that, I wanted to wake up and tell him that he was wrong but instead I held back and remained still. Ayame then replied, “No, Sesshomaru. That’s not true, you do make her happy. You’ve been able to give her back what no one else could, her life. She loves you dearly for it. You can tell by her eyes, in the way I’ve seen her look at you.” I felt very relieved for Ayame answered in the same way I would’ve. It had all started as just a strong attraction. But with every thing he kept doing for me, every struggle that he stood by me made that attraction started becoming love and it kept increasing, deepening until I could no longer live without him.

He placed a kiss on my forehead, “I love her too, more than anything else in this world. She’s been able to capture my heart in a way that no one else could and never will. My promise still stands. I won’t let anything stand in the way of her happiness even if it’s the last thing I do. She deserves that and much more.”

Then there was a knock at the door, Ayame asked, “Who could that be?”

“I’m not sure.”

“I’ll go check. I’ll be right back.”

“All right.” Then I heard Ayame stand and walk away. I heard her speak with someone very briefly before she stepped out.

I felt Sesshomaru lightly stroke my face with his nose as he started placing small feathery kisses all over, “Rin.” Then moved over to kiss my left cheek, “Wake up, sweetie.” That was when I finally opened my eyes and found him hovering over me. Our eyes immediately locked with each other. He was leaning on his left elbow and looked down at me, smiling, “Welcome back, sleeping beauty.” I curled my lips up to a smile but said nothing in return; I just looked deeply into his eyes. They revealed that what he’d just said was true and because of that, my love for him grew much stronger. I lifted my bandaged hand, seeing him nudging into my palm and closing his eyes at my touch. I lifted my other hand and held his head, stroking his cheeks with my thumbs. He opened his eyes and looked at me. His eyes filled with an intense love that I just couldn’t resist and lifted myself up enough to cover his lips with mine. I felt him gasp but immediately gave into the kiss, returning it with as much passion as he received. I felt him struggle trying to pull me closer but couldn’t because his right arm couldn’t move and his left arm was busy keeping him up. So I sat up completely, bringing him up with me and not breaking the kiss, allowing his left arm the freedom to move. Immediately, he wrapped it around me and pulled me as close as possible without hurting his other arm that was in between us, as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

Finally, we broke the kiss and pulled back, looking at each other. Smiling, “I love you, my demon lord.”

He chuckled, “And I love you, my ice princess.” Then he leaned in and placed another kiss on my lips before we heard the door open and turned towards Ayame when she stepped in.

Smiling, “Well, I see you’re awake now.”

I curled my lips up to a smile, “Yeah, I just woke up.” My arms still snaked around Sesshomaru’s neck.

She chuckled, “Well, dear. I have to leave. Marcus just came to tell me that I got a phone call from the VP and I’m needed back at the office. Do you want to come with me or stay here and I’ll pick you up on my way back? Your choice.”

I turned towards Sesshomaru and he smiled, “Go, it’s ok. I know how much you hate hospitals and I don’t want to keep you here.”

My smile faded, “I’ll be back tomorrow.”

He nodded, “All right.” Then leaned in and placed a kiss on my cheek as he reached up and unlocked my arms from his neck, holding onto my hand and smiling, “Go, I’ll be ok. I’ll see you again tomorrow.” He lifted my hand to place a kiss on it.

I stood and walked over to Ayame who walked up to him and gave him a kiss on his cheek. So we started heading out and just as I was walking, I turned and waved at him, slightly frowning at the fact that I had to leave and after I saw him wave back I left, walking behind Ayame.

We stepped out of the room and just as we started making our way towards the exit, she turned towards me and smiled, “So is everything ok now?”

I turned towards her and smiled in return, “I think so.”

Her smile widened, “I’m glad.”

I looked forward. My face losing all traces of emotion. I knew that it wasn’t ok, I just couldn’t tell her that. The time had come for me to start preparing for my departure from their lives.

I went back to see him the next day. I went every day until the day when they finally let him return home. But before that, I gave my statement to the detective. I had to tell him everything from the beginning though since it was a new detective. It seems that the previous one was involved in the shady practices with Koga’s business. The new detective assured me that he would definitely look into my case and asked me to let him know if Koga tried anything else. Although, I wasn’t going to let that happen. I wasn’t going to give Koga another chance, because there was too much at stake. I couldn’t put Sesshomaru’s life in jeopardy any longer.

As for my place, Ayame was a big help when it came to cleaning it up and repairing the damage inside my loft. Once we were done, the place looked as if nothing had ever happened. But the memory of it was still there though, floating freely around in the air.

Once Sesshomaru returned home, I secretly started to put my plan into action. I started withdrawing small amounts of money from my bank account, saving it in a place where I knew he wouldn’t find it. Then one day, I happened to find the fake ID my friend had given me in high school. The ID had a different name and claimed I was 22. The picture was old but it was still usable since I really didn’t change that much. I didn’t think I was going to need it but added it to my secret stash just in case. I slowly continued until I had what I was going to need for my departure.

Meanwhile, Sesshomaru continued to slowly heal. His arm was still in a brace and he also had physical therapy sessions three times a week. Of course I was always there with him, as a form of encouragement. About a month later, I finally talked to his father. He’d called him to check on how he was doing and insisted on talking to me since I was there. He was a very nice man, a true gentleman; I could see where Sesshomaru got it from. Also by the sound of his voice, I could just imagine how attractive he was. His voice was mesmerizing but not as much as Sesshomaru’s, at least in my point of view. As for Sesshomaru and I, we remained as close as we’d always been maybe even closer.

When his birthday came up, Ayame and I decided to celebrate it. We figured that he wouldn’t be able to stand a big celebration since he was still in some pain. So we ended up having the small party in Ayame’s garden. The party started early, at 2pm. Around 5, Sess and I had to leave because the pain was becoming unbearable. I assumed that the others continued to party after we left. It would always tear me apart inside every time I would see him in pain.

So when we arrived home, he headed towards the sofa and sat down, leaning his head back with his eyes closed. He sighed, “Thank God we’re home. I didn’t know how much more I could take.”

I walked into the kitchen and opened the cupboard for his painkiller. I got one and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge before I walked up to him. I opened the bottle then bent down to place it in his left hand; “I brought you, your pill.”

He opened his eyes and looked around then shook his head; “I don’t see it.” I reached and placed my hands under his chin, pulling his head back to look at me. Immediately he smiled, “Oh, there it is.”

I’d placed it in between my lips and bent down over his head, my lips curled up into a smile and stopped right above his lips. Once I felt him take it, I moved back and let him swallow it and take a drink of water.

Once he was done, he looked up at me and chuckled, “I usually hate taking medicine but if I could take them all that way, I might reconsider,” and started to laugh.

I looked down at him and giggled, “I’m sure you would but I don’t think it’s going to happen.”

He pouted, “Well, it was just a thought.” Then he nudged his head to the side, “Come on, take a seat.”

I continued to look at him and smiled, “Hold on, there’s something I’ve always wanted to do.”

His amber orbs looked curious, “What is it?”

I placed my hands under his chin again, “Lean your head back again and close your eyes.”

He raised an eyebrow, “Close my eyes? For what?”

Giggling, “Come on, just do it.”

He smiled, “All right,” before he finally leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

“Don’t peek.” He shook his head and that’s when I bent down far enough to cover his lips with mine. I kissed him tenderly as I felt his breath tickling my neck when he purred at the gesture. Finally, I pulled back and whispered, “Happy Birthday” onto his lips. I looked down at him and smiled.

He opened his eyes and looked up at me, smiling, “Wow, that was… amazing. Thank you.”

Giggling, “I saw that in a movie once and always wanted to do it,” then I started to laugh.

He started to laugh, “Get over here silly.” He reached up and pulled my arm to the side to guide me around the sofa.

I walked around to lie down and rested my head on his lap. I looked up at him as he tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. Then I looked over at his right arm; “Does it still hurt?”

He nodded, “Well, it does but not as much as it used to.”

Sadly, “Oh.”

I parted my lips to say something but he stopped me by placing his fingers over them. He shook his head, “Don’t. You don’t have to.” I guess he knew I was going to apologize by the expression on my face but I just remained silent. Just thinking in my head that maybe someday, I will have to. I turned over and looked out the balcony, noticing that the sun was starting to set. We remained there talking, feeling him stroking my head as we were looking out at the sunset until we both finally fell asleep on the sofa.

For the next 3 months, everything seemed to be at peace. Koga made no reappearance and didn’t show any intention to either. Sesshomaru finally had the brace taken off and was starting to slowly use his arm again. Once that happened, I knew that my time with him had finally come to an end. My meticulous planning was finally going to be put into effect.

I didn’t know where I was going to go but all I knew was that it had to be somewhere far away. I didn’t like keeping things from Sesshomaru but I did it in hopes that someday he’ll understand that I was doing it in order to protect him. A couple of days later, I’d finally bought the plane ticket that was going to take me to Australia and from there I would decide where to go. Usually buying a plane ticket wasn’t painful but that time; it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Finally 3 days after, the day had finally come…

That day, I tried to be as normal as possible when being around anyone especially Sesshomaru. I spent the entire morning with Ayame as always. But when it came time to leave, I almost couldn’t hold it in and when I kissed her goodbye, a tear fell but I quickly turned and left. I hoped that I would be able to do the same when it came to Sesshomaru. The next person was Sango. I called her just to see how everything was going. She said that Kagome had returned to normal but it just wasn’t the same as when we were together. I bit my lip, I’m sure she probably thought I was saying some odd things. I just had to tell her to take care of herself and Kagome. That I was never going to forget either of them and thanked her for everything she did for me. Once that was done, the only person left now was the hardest, my Sesshomaru.

We spent the entire evening together. We went out to dinner and took a walk on the beach. Throughout the entire time, he noticed that I was a bit uneasy and always kept asking me if I was ok. I would just smile and nod until I finally told him that I just wasn’t feeling very well. I was adding another to the already large pile of lies I’d told him. So finally we went home and spent the rest of the night out on the balcony. We looked up at the stars like we’d always done but that night, the stars didn’t seem as bright as they used to. Finally at about 2am, we both left to our rooms to sleep. Although I couldn’t sleep, I spent most of the time tossing around and looking at the clock. So I just got up and sat on the chair by my desk. I looked down at the empty piece of paper in front of me. I was debating whether I should write something on it until I finally reached out and started writing a letter to Sesshomaru. Once I was done, I put it inside an envelope and sealed it, writing his name on the front. I placed it down on my desk and stood, heading towards my closet to pull the things I was going to need to take with me.

As I started to pack the necessary things, I kept going over the letter in my head, thinking back to what I’d written…

Sesshomaru,

By the time you read this letter most likely I’ll be on my way to my new life. The life I must live away from everyone I love, including you.

My eyes started to fill with tears as I shuffled around and pulled out the box I had hidden in the closet.

Please don’t be angry with me, my love. I have my reasons for doing this and you know them all too well. I’m sure you probably don’t understand why I’m leaving but like you said so yourself, there are things that you won’t be able to protect me from and problems that only I alone will be able to solve.

I opened the box and started to pull out the things I had in there; the money, ID’s and happened to come upon a picture of us two when we were at a fair. The tears that were pooled in my eyes started to fall and landed onto the picture, blurring my vision until I could only see his face through the tears.

The night when you were shot, I felt my entire world fall apart. Especially when the thought of losing you came into mind, it tore me up inside. That’s why I did what I did, Sess. I was angry with myself for having put you in such a situation in the first place.

When the memory came back to me, a sob escaped me but I continued what I was doing and started putting the items, including the picture into a small bag.

All I’ve ever brought everyone is misfortune and worry. Kagome being the first, then it was passed onto you and now I’ve involved Ayame and Sango as well. I just can’t live with that on my shoulders anymore. Sometimes I think that it should’ve been better if I never opened myself to anyone and just remained alone. Maybe that way I wouldn’t have become a burden to anyone and no one else would’ve been hurt. But it didn’t happen, I learned to live and love again and because of that, it put my loved ones in danger. So now I must give it all up for their safety. I want everyone to continue their lives without me, especially you.

I pulled out a small duffel bag from the closet and filled it with everything I needed to take. But even as I did, the tears stinging my eyes had become unstoppable and began to flow freely down my cheeks.

For those reasons, I must leave. Please try to understand that I’m doing this for you, to keep you away from danger. Sesshomaru, my life is much too complicated and I must take care of my problems alone. Just like I told you at the hospital when I went to see you, I don’t want to be the reason why you lose your life. I’d definitely go insane if it ever happened.

I closed the bag after I finished putting the clothes and items into it then I slumped over it. I leaned on my arms as I lightly sobbed over it. Then I turned towards the right, looking at the nightstand next to my bed. I walked over to sit next to it and picked up the picture, bringing it down to my lap while looking at it. It was the picture we’d taken at one of his parties. It was the one when I’d caught him off guard and kissed his cheek making him blush when the picture was taken. I lightly chuckled and smiled at the memory of it but it faded when I closed my eyes and more tears began to fall as I tightened my grip of the frame.

I’m just sorry it all had to end this way. I don’t do this because I want to Sess but because I have to. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I’m left with no other choice. Never forget that I love you Sesshomaru, more than anything in this world. Absolutely no one will be able to take your place; I’ll never be able to love another like I’ve loved you and you’ll always be in my heart. All the love that we’ve shared will never be erased and will remain embedded forever in my memories. Thank you for all of the wonderful memories you’ve given me. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me and I thank the heavens for bringing you into my life. I love you dearly and for that reason, I must say goodbye.

Forever yours,

Rin Imamura

At the end, I started to sob uncontrollably as I clutched the picture tightly over my heart, feeling it break inside of me. After a couple of minutes, I controlled myself trying not to wake Sesshomaru. So I looked at the picture one last time and placed it back on the nightstand, heading towards the closet to change into the clothes I was going to leave in.

I walked towards the bed and looked over at the clock, it was 5:15am and my plane was going to leave at 8am. So I picked up my cell phone and called for a cab. Then I shut if off and placed it back on the nightstand with my purse because I wasn’t going to take them with me. I left everything behind. The only things I took with me were my ID and passport. Once I was done dressing, I put on my long trench coat, grabbed the duffel bag and slipped the small bag over my shoulder. As I headed out the door, I grabbed the letter on my desk. I entered the hallway and just at the sight of Sesshomaru’s door, tears started to pool in my eyes again. I put everything down and walked up to his door, reaching out to touch it. I imagined him sleeping soundly inside. The tears started falling freely, as I lifted the letter in my other hand and brought it up to my lips, kissing it before I kneeled and slid it underneath his door. Then I grabbed my things and locked the door from the inside. As I was walking away, I started to lightly sob again, the tears never ceasing even as I stepped out of the building. Luckily when I stepped outside, the cab was already waiting for me. Immediately, I stepped into the taxi and left. But just as the car started to leave the parking lot, I almost burst into tears but held back, not wanting to cry in front of the driver. So instead, I turned and looked back, seeing the building fade as the taxi drove off. On the way towards the airport, it started to rain. A light sprinkle at first but it eventually started to pour. Although to me, the rainfall felt as if Mother Nature felt my pain and cried for me since I couldn’t. It hurt too much to think of anything, so I tried to block everything out as I made my way to the airport.