InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ A Never-Ending Love ❯ Chapter 15
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: DragonGrl 
The morning after... Difficult decisions and desperate ideas... What will happen to Rin and how will it affect her relationship with Sesshomaru?
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Drama | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 08.01.2006 | Updated On: 08.01.2006 | Pages: 4 | Words: 7.2K | Visits: 447 | Status: Work In Progress
The morning after... Difficult decisions and desperate ideas... What will happen to Rin and how will it affect her relationship with Sesshomaru?
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Drama | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 08.01.2006 | Updated On: 08.01.2006 | Pages: 4 | Words: 7.2K | Visits: 447 | Status: Work In Progress
The moment that everyone's been waiting for... AN UPDATE!!! ^_^
Yes, I know it's been over a year that i've updated and I apologize for that. I just haven't had the time I used to so I could sit and work on my stories. As most of you have noticed that I've updated my other chapters and my other story too. Like I mentioned in the beginning, I went over each and everyone of the chapters and fixed them, I just didn't like the way they were written. Now they make a bit more sense and I did add a few things to some of them that make them sound better but the story is still the same. It's up to you, my dear fans, if you want to read them over again for a refresher ~_^ but you don't have to if you don't want to.
Well, what can I say about this new chappie...
Rin seems like she's made her decision and actually puts her plan into play. Although, there are things that happen that change those plans and lucky for her they did. But I won't say what they are cause I'll ruin the story ~_^ Also, I KNOW and have a feeling that Rin is going to be hated after this chapter but it is the decisions that we make what predict what's going to happen in the future Hint Hint ~_^
Please don't forget to leave me a review k ^_^
Well, i'm sure most of you are eager to move on to the chapter so I'll stop rambling and go on with the story.
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the Inuyasha characters they belong to Rumiko Takahashi.
‘___’ Thought expressions
“Italic” Whisper expressions
It was about 6:15am when I finally arrived to the airport, it was pouring by then. Once the driver unloaded my bags, I paid him and made my way towards the inside. Stepping in, I started heading towards the ticket desk so I could check in. Luckily, the duffel bag was not too big and I was allowed to carry it on the plane with me, avoiding the hassle of having to check it in as well. Once everything was in order, the only thing left for me to do was wait for the flight to depart. So I decided to walk over to sit at the café and kill some time. Honestly, I felt horrible inside and during the entire time I was sitting there, I kept debating whether it was right or not, even when I had already convinced myself it was the only way and went through the effort to make it happen. I spoke to no one and just sat there staring at the outside, seeing the planes leave and come in. There were times when tears fell from my eyes, the people around me there just stared at me because I was able to feel their gazes but I ignored them. I paid no attention to them and kept concentrating on the internal battle that was going on inside my head.
When the boarding announcement was made, it was time for me to leave. To tell you the truth though, I was so into my thoughts that I didn’t hear the announcement on the intercom the first time. When I broke out of my reverie, I looked around and noticed that they were making the last boarding announcement for the flight. So I stood, paid my tab and began to walk towards the stairs, heading in the direction of the gate. Although, when I reached down to the floor where all the gates were, I stopped and stared at the one I had to step through. I couldn’t move as a strong feeling of regret washed through me. It was so strong that it made me close my eyes and shake my head, ‘Damn it, I can’t do this,’ and turned around to walk away but never took a step forward. Instead, I stood straight and looked at the wall for a moment before I shook my head again, ‘Fuck, I have to do this! It’s the only way.’ So I turned towards the gate again but when I did, the stewardesses were gone and the boarding had ended. I had missed my flight.
I slumped my shoulders. “Shit, this is great.” Then I walked over and sat on the chairs in the lobby. As I sat there, the battle in my mind intensified.
‘Whom am I kidding? I won’t be able to do this, I don’t have the guts.’
‘You have to, remember that it’s the only way. It’s the only choice you have or do you want Sesshomaru to be killed?’
‘NO! Absolutely not, I’d do anything, give anything just to keep him safe.’
‘Just think about it, if Koga knows you’re not with him anymore, he’ll leave him alone. You’re the only one who can save him from Koga’s insanity.’
-I closed my eyes and lowered my head, tears running down my cheeks- ‘I know but… it’s hard to leave him when he’s become everything to me. He’s the only reason why I put up with everything. If it wasn’t for him, I would’ve gone insane or who knows, I might’ve even killed myself a long time ago.’
‘That’s precisely why you have to do it. Koga knows he’s special to you and he’ll aim for him trying to get you.’
-I opened my eyes and looked at the floor- ‘You’re right and I’m not going to let Koga hurt Sesshomaru or involve me in his sick games. I’m going to leave but only because Sesshomaru deserves to live and be happy. That’s why… I’m going to do it.’
The entire time I debated, tears never stopped running down my cheeks. When I’d finally made the decision, I stood and made my way toward the ticket desk. As I waited in line, an idea suddenly came up. Once it was my turn, I walked up to the young lady,
She smiled, “Good Morning, miss. How may I help you?
My face showing hardly any emotion, “Good Morning, I need a plane ticket please.”
“Sure, what’s your destination?”
I remained silent for a bit because I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go. I couldn’t go to Australia because I knew Sess would track me down and go there to try and find me. So I just decided to go to the first place that came into mind.
“For New York City.”
“Oh, all right. May I see your ID to input your information please?”
“All right,” I turned and reached into my bag but just as I was going to pull out my ID and passport, I caught a glimpse of the other “ID” I had in the bag and another idea came into my mind. It occurred to me that I could use that ID to buy that ticket and mislead everyone. I would mislead them in making them think that Rin Imamura went off to Australia when in reality, she went to New York but as Hitomi Matsumoto. That way, if they tried to track me down, they wouldn’t be able to find me. So I pulled out the other ID and handed it to the young lady. Luckily, I didn’t need a passport since it wasn’t an international flight. Once she was done, she handed me the paperwork and I had to look over it and sign. But I had to change my signature, make it look completely different to what I usually signed and in the different name. Finally, I paid for the ticket with cash and she checked in my bags as carry-ons. Once everything was done, I stepped out to the gates again. By then it was about 8:45am and my new flight was leaving in about 20 minutes. So I sat in a chair near the gate and waited until I could board.
Those were the longest 20 minutes I’ve ever had to wait for in my entire life. When the first announcement was made, I stood and walked up to the young lady by the gate and handed her my ticket. As she checked it, a weird feeling started to run through me and for some reason; I turned towards the entrance. There was nothing or no one I recognized there but it suddenly hit me, ‘This is it.’ I almost wanted to cry as I turned towards the young lady again. She handed me my ticket and allowed me to step through. So I started to walk in, my heart breaking with every step I took but just as I was about to turn to walk into the plane, I heard my name being called and stopped. So I turned and peeked towards the lobby, my eyes widened and that’s when I almost couldn’t hold it anymore.
“RIN! Where are you!?! RIN?” He’d stopped to look around and ran a hand through his hair. He looked worried and had a look of utter despair on his face. When he didn’t see me, he started to walk away.
Obviously, he didn’t see me peeking out because there were more people coming in towards the plane as he stood outside. I honestly wanted to run out to him, run into his arms and tell him that I was sorry and hope that everything would be all right again. But I couldn’t because I knew it wasn’t going to be ok. So instead, I turned using every bit of my strength and whispered, “Goodbye, Sesshomaru,” before I walked into the plane. My heart finally shattering into pieces in my chest. I tried to hold back the tears that were already starting to fall but failed miserably. Once I’d found my seat, I leaned back and closed my eyes, seeing the look on Sesshomaru’s face before he walked away. It was enough for a light sob to escape me as more tears started to fall. Luckily, it didn’t take too long for everyone to board otherwise I would’ve changed my mind and stepped out. A few minutes later, the plane finally took off, taking me to where I had to live my new life. The new life I had to live alone. Although as the plane left, I closed the small curtain because I wouldn’t have been able to stand seeing the airport disappear just like everyone else was too.
The flight lasted for about 6 hours, two of those I spent crying in the restroom and the other four were spent sleeping since I’d drained myself of any energy I had left. I awoke about 20 minutes before the plane was going to land. Once it did and I was allowed to step out, I started making my way towards the lobby. The air was filled with joy and happiness from the other passengers that were reuniting with their loved ones. As I kept walking though, their happiness felt as if it cut around me and left me surrounded only in the cold air filled with hopelessness and pain. Couples were locked in tight embraces and passionate kisses, making me turn away from them. I couldn’t endure to even look at them. It just hurt too much to even think about anything relating to love for it always pointed back to what I left behind.
Once I reached the lobby, I stood still and looked at my surroundings. That’s when I finally realizing that I had no where to go so I went over to sit in a chair. I was exhausted; my body hardly had any strength left, my eyes burned because of the crying and my head was pounding. So I leaned back on the chair and closed my eyes, hoping that it somehow would relieve some of the symptoms. When suddenly I heard a female voice call my name,
“Rin? Rin Imamura, is that you?”
I recognized that voice even though it wasn’t the same as when I’d last heard it. My eyes widened and I lowered my head to see a young lady of about 24 standing in front of me. Her blue eyes looking at me curiously. At first, I didn’t quite recognize her, she reminded me of someone I knew back when I was in elementary school but that was a long time ago.
So I stood and kept looking at her until she smiled, “Do you remember me?”
My face showed hardly any emotion as I kept looking at her, trying to figure out who she was until I asked, “Y… Yuka?”
Her smile widened and she nodded, “Yep. Oh my God, I can’t believe it’s you!” Then she wrapped her arms around and embraced me; “It’s been such a long time.”
I, on the other hand, was left shocked and speechless. I stood still, just looking over at her and not returning her embrace until it finally hit me, I was reuniting with the best friend that I haven’t seen in 16 years. So I slowly wrapped my arms around her and nodded, “Yeah, it has.”
Then she pulled back and we released each other. Smiling, “How are you?”
I slightly shook my head, my voice fairly stern for my face had lost all traces of emotion, “Not very well.”
Her smile faded and was replaced with a concerned look, “Oh, is everything all right? You don’t look well.”
Slightly nodding, “Yes, it will be I hope. I’ll be ok. How are you?”
Her lips curled up into a smile; “I’m doing fine, just had to pick something up from the concierge desk.”
“Oh.”Then she pointed towards the door, “Actually, I was going to grab something to eat. Do you want to come with me? We have a LOT of catching up to do, so we can grab a bite and chat. What do you think?”
At the beginning, I wanted to reject her invitation but then I remembered that I was a stranger to the city. I wouldn’t know my way around so I decided to join her, plus, I hadn’t had anything to eat in HOURS. I was sure that some food would help relieve the intense fatigue I was feeling.
I nodded, “All right.”
Her smile widened, “Cool but here, let me help you with your bag.” Then she reached out and took the duffel bag from my hands.
I curled my lips up to a smile, “Thanks.”
She nudged her head towards the door, “Come on, let’s go.” So I followed her out of the airport and walked with her as she led me towards the parking lot to her truck.
My eyes widened at the sight of her truck. It was an old classic truck. The paint was rusted, I’m guessing it’s color used to be red but it had faded almost to a light shade of pink and the shine was gone. The chrome was rusted as well, the bumpers were crooked, well, it just looked like it’s been used for quite some time. The interior of the truck was pretty beat up as well; the seats were patched up in some places, the carpet was gone and it had an antique stereo attached to the dashboard but even though it was beat up, it was very comfortable to ride in. But to be honest, my shock was not of disgust at seeing her truck but of envy. I envied Yuka for having that truck, I guess because I’d always been accustomed to having nice things when in reality I never needed them to be. As long as they were in working condition, I was happy.
So she drove us to a small deli that was towards the edge of the city near the highway. It was a cute little place and it seemed not too busy so we went inside and sat down. Immediately, the waitress walked up to us and we ordered our food as we began to catch up.
She started shaking her drink with the straw, “So Rin, you still live in California right?”
“Yes, well I did.”
“Oh. In the same house?”
“Yes and no. Although, there were times when I felt like moving out because it brought back too many memories of my parents.”
Her smile faded and she lowered her voice, “Oh yeah, I heard what happened to them. I’m sorry, Rin.”
I looked away from her and sighed, “It’s ok, I’ve learned to put it behind me.” Although, I felt like bursting into tears again, especially since I was still very sensitive but I held back. I think Yuka noticed it and tried to change the subject.
Sounding cheery again, “So what brings you to New York?”
I lifted my head and looked at her, frankly, “I’m escaping from someone.”
Looking confused, “What? Escaping? From who?”
“From some psycho chasing me around.”
Shocked, “Oh no, but how do you know he won’t find you here? I’m sure he’ll track you down from the plane ticket.”
I lowered and shook my head, “He’s not going to find me, neither of them will.”
“How do you know?”
I looked back up at her, “Because I bought the ticket under a different name.”
“Oh but who’s the other person you’re escaping from?”
I looked at her, slightly confused, “What other person?”
“You just said that ‘neither of them will’ so I assume it’s not just one person that you’re running away from.”
I shook my head, snapping back at her, “I’m not running away. I left because I had no other choice.” I sighed and leaned back on the booth, “But I guess I should tell you everything from the beginning for you to better understand.”
She nodded, “Yeah I think that’s a good idea.”
So I began to tell her everything, giving her a recap of everything that happened after I last saw her, all the way to the present. It took all afternoon for me to finish retelling her my life story. It was about 8pm when I finally finished. Once I was done, I was in tears but strangely it felt good telling her all of this. It felt good letting out what was held inside of me, like Sesshomaru had taught me to do, thus making him even harder to forget.
I placed my elbows on the table and leaned my head on my hands, looking down towards the table, “That’s it. My life has just been a living hell. There are times when it calms but something always has to happen to make it bad again. It can never just be at peace and I hate it.”
Lightly, “Wow, I don’t even know what to say. It’s just awful for you to have to go through all that.” I lifted my head up and looked towards her but said nothing. Then her eyes filled with concern, “Rin, you look exhausted.”
I nodded and ran my hand over my eyes, “I am. Although, I don’t think I’ll be able to fall asleep.” Then I looked back at her.
“Where are you staying at?”
I shook my head; “I don’t have anywhere to go. I figured I’d stay at a hotel until I find a place to stay.”
She shook her head, “Nonsense, you can stay with me. I live alone at my parents house and there’s plenty of room for you there.”
“I don’t want to trouble you.”
She giggled, “You won’t. Don’t worry plus it’s much nicer than being here in the city AND I’m not taking ‘no’ for an answer.”
I just gave up. I was so exhausted by then that I didn’t even have the energy to argue with her. So I nodded, “All right, Yuka. I’ll stay with you, thanks.”
She started walking out of the booth, “Now come on, let’s go home.”
Home, the word seemed strange to me. For I’ve never really had one since I got kicked out of what I had believed to be my home. Then the other place I’d made my home; I was forced to leave, leaving me with no where to go. So I never had a real place to call my home.
So I stood and we paid the tab but just as we were about to head towards the door, I heard someone watching the news on the television. Then a creepy feeling ran through me, making me stop and turn towards the television.
Confused, “What is it Rin?”
I ignored Yuka and kept walking towards the T.V until I was close enough to hear what was being said,
“Breaking news: Flight 107 of Koala Airlines heading towards Australia has had a tragic accident. It is being stipulated that engine failure was what caused the plane to lose altitude and crash into the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The Australian coast guard has confirmed that of the 180 passengers aboard, none have been found. Declaring this accident having no survivors. Air Traffic Control…”
I felt my blood rush to my feet when the news kicked into my head. Suddenly, I began to get dizzy. My head started spinning so much that I almost fell over. Luckily I caught myself on a nearby stool and sat on it otherwise I would’ve fallen to the floor.
Yuka was talking to the waitress behind me when she saw me fall onto the stool and walked up to me. Startled and concerned, “Rin, be careful! What happened? What’s wrong? Are you ok?”
I looked at her and almost couldn’t speak, pointing towards the TV, “The plane… flight… I…”
Worried, “What is it Rin?”
I cleared my throat and was finally able to speak. My eyes widened as I looked up at her, “I… I was supposed to be on that flight… That was… that was the one I told you I missed because I couldn’t make up my mind.”
She gasped and so did the other people that heard what I said. I couldn’t believe it, I couldn’t speak and I couldn’t think nor even breathe at the time. Just thinking that, that one instant when I hesitated saved me from being in the accident. I was in absolute shock just looking up at Yuka and with no words able to come out of my mouth.
Shocked, “Oh my god.”
Then I heard the waitress speak, “It’s a miracle.”
Yuka placed her hand on my shoulder and leaned down a bit to face me, “What are you going to do, Rin?”
Then the waitress stepped next to me and offered, “We have a phone. You can use so you can call your family and let them know you’re ok.”
I didn’t answer either of them, just lowered my head down to look at the floor. I tried to imagine everyone’s reactions to the news. I was pretty sure Sess had already let everyone know of my leaving and I wondered what their reaction to that was. Were they concerned? Was Kagome even a bit worried of what happened to me even though she didn’t want to see me again? I assumed they’d already seen the news; how did they react then? I wasn’t sure but in my mind, I figured that in a way, my prayer had been answered by making them believe I was dead, but who would grieve? I knew Sesshomaru would, so would Ayame and Sango but what about Kagome? Would she even shed a tear for me? Somehow everything kept leading back to Kagome, making me wonder, would this be the only way for her to finally forgive me when it was already too late? I didn’t know. I had so many questions running through my head. I figured that, yes, they would be sad but eventually all would forget about me and continue their lives, just like I wanted. So I decided to keep it that way, letting them think I died in that accident. I would let them grieve and go on with their lives when I, on the other hand, lived another life away from them just so they can be happy.
So I looked up at Yuka and shook my head, lightly, “No, I’m not going to call them.”
Shocked, “WHAT, Why not? They must be worried sick, you need to call them.”I shook my head and looked away from her, “No, they’re be better off without me. I’d only bring them more trouble.”
But she kept insisting, “But Rin…”
Then I looked up at her, angrily, “NO YUKA, I’M NOT GOING TO DO IT. THAT’S IT!” I stood and stormed out of the deli. I walked around and leaned on the corner of the building, looking up at the sky. It was dark already, looking almost as dark as my heart felt that moment. Huge tears ran down my cheeks as I looked up at the plain black sky. There were no stars out that night and I knew why, I’m sure I was one of the reasons.
Suddenly, Yuka came out of the building, “Rin? Rin, where are you?”
I looked over and whispered, “Over here.”
Then she walked up and leaned on the wall next to me, looking up as well, “There’re no stars out tonight. It’s going to be a cold night.” I didn’t answer her just lowered my head and looked at the floor. Then I heard her take a deep breath, her voice as light as a whisper, “I don’t know what your intentions are. I surely can’t say I know what you’re going through and you know that I don’t really agree with what you’re going to do but… I just want to let you know that I’m here for you. Friends forever, right?”
I looked over at her and she smiled. Her smile alone was more comforting than any embrace ever could but her words added warmth, something I was already starting to miss. So I curled my lips up to a smile and slightly nodded with my voice light as hers, “Right.” Then I turned towards her, “But… could we… could we leave now?”
Her smile widened and she nodded, “Yeah, let’s go.” I just smiled and we started walking towards her truck. Honestly by then, I felt like I was about to pass out of how tired I was. So during the drive to her house, I fell asleep since it was a fairly long drive. That and I just couldn’t stay awake any longer, my body had just given up.
So eventually, I began catching up on what happened to her after we’d last seen each other. She’d left school because her dad had gotten a job somewhere else and was forced to relocate. Once there, she went to a new school and just as she was about to settle in, they had to move again. She was never in a place enough time to actually make friends or go places. She never really had a place to call home, just like me. Her studies were being affected greatly, even though she was home schooled; it was still hard for her because she was always a bit behind.
That kept going until she was about 18 when her father became ill and had to stop working. He was the only income provider and was not able to work anymore so it became hard for them to support themselves. They lost their house, their car and everything they owned except for the countryside home that they had inherited from her grandparents. So eventually, they were forced to move in there. She said that the place was a bit beat up since there was no one to maintain it. Her grandparent’s had passed away a long time before they moved in. So they dedicated themselves in rebuilding the place. They cleaned out the farmhouse and used most of their savings to buy animals to keep in the farm. About school, she had a neighbor that would come to tutor her, as a way to repay her grandparents for all they’d done for her when they were alive. She really couldn’t go to school because she had to help care for her dad and the farm, that was the only option she had. Although, she said that raising the farm was what helped her dad with the illness a bit but about a year later, he passed away. Her mom followed about two years later, leaving her to live on her own when she was 21. She’s been on her own since then, living in the farmhouse with her animals to keep her company. She admitted to having a tough life but I will say that it still wasn’t as tough as mine.
I stayed living with Yuka and got to know her as well I used to again. She led a simple life and I envied her for that. She had no TV. She had a radio but really didn’t use it much. So she really wasn’t up to date with the media. Her days would always start early, VERY EARLY and most of it was spent caring for her animals and the vegetable garden she had. Once the sun would set, she would go inside and curl up in front of the fireplace with a good book until it came time to sleep. Most of her days were the same, it was funny, she hardly ever went to the city. She really didn’t need to since she had most of what she needed there in the farm but there would be instances when she would.
The only times she did were when she would need something that she couldn’t find near by but it wasn’t very often. Now she did have to work a bit though, to get some money to pay bills or buy things that she needed. So she would help out at a local school. It was not a lot but it was enough to keep her going and she loved to be with the kids. I went to the school with her a couple of times and the kids were just adorable, some got pretty attached to me too. They always asked for me when I wouldn’t go, they were just too cute. I had a lot of fun and truly enjoyed the peace living out in the country offered.
It didn’t start out so peaceful at the beginning though. The first weeks, I became extremely depressed and would literally have to cry myself to sleep. I just couldn’t close my eyes and fall asleep. Images of everything and everyone would pop into my mind and wouldn’t leave me in peace. Eventually, I began to calm down and started to get used to living without anyone except for Yuka. But there were some times when Yuka would remind me so much of Sesshomaru, adding more reasons for me to become depressed. She would say things that reminded me of him, especially, when she would try to convince me to open up. I became the Rin I used to be. The cold, lonely Rin who didn’t open herself up to avoid being hurt again. But as the months passed by, I started to slowly open myself up but not completely like I’d done before.
I ended up living with her for a period of about 8 months without being detected. Well, I didn’t really go anywhere where I could be. Honestly, I didn’t know how I even did it but luckily, my plan worked out. Until about the eight-month, when I started to REALLY feel homesick. I mean, I always was but by that point it was unbearable. All I could think by then was of Sesshomaru for I missed him terribly. I missed having him close to me and being wrapped in his arms. I missed having his warmth and soothing scent around me. I missed the times we would stargaze out in the balcony. In those cases, I would sit out on the backyard and look up at the sky, hoping that he would be out looking up as well. I missed Ayame a lot too, all the lunches we had so we could “gossip.” I missed Sango and the silly things she would come up with. I missed everyone, even Kagome but probably figured that she didn’t even think about me anymore. So towards the end, I just couldn’t handle it anymore and decided to come out of the shadows and go back. But I didn’t really know how to tell Yuka that I was leaving. I just felt bad about leaving her alone again. Until I just had to tell her that my plans had changed…
I was out on the backyard, lying on the grass looking up at the stars and moon. It was nearly full and shining brightly, faintly lighting the meadows around the farm. Suddenly, I heard the back screen door open but didn’t move to look over. Then I heard footsteps on the grass walking towards me when Yuka finally spoke, “What are you doing out here?” as she stopped to stand by me.
I looked over at her and smiled, “I’m looking up at the sky, want to join me?”
She smiled and nodded, “Ok.” She kneeled and lay on the grass next to me. We remained silent, just looking up at the stars. When minutes later she spoke again, “What do you think about?”
My arms were over my head and I was resting it on my hands when I turned slightly towards her, “When?”
She looked over towards me, “When you’re out here. I mean, I know you like to stargaze but you always seem so deep in your thoughts when you do. Like you’re always thinking about something, what is it?”
I turned back towards the sky and sighed, “Well, there are a lot of things I think about but mostly just remembering.”
Curious, “About Sesshomaru, right?” Somehow she knew and guessed correctly, I’m guessing it was easy to tell by my tone of voice. I just wasn’t sure how people were always able to decipher me so easily.
I slightly shook my head, “Not all the time but mostly it is.”
She turned towards me and leaned on one side, resting her head on her hand as she looked at me, “You miss him don’t you?”
I sat up and brought my knees up to my chest, leaning my head on them, nodding with my eyes closed, “Tremendously.” Then I slightly shook my head, “I just can’t even begin to explain how much I do.”
“I thought you wanted to forget him?”
I looked over to her, “That’s what I’d planned but I guess it only made me need him much more. Being away from him made me realize that I just can’t do it alone. I always need someone to be by my side for me to survive.”
She smiled, “You really love him don’t you?”
I smiled and nodded, “With all my heart and soul. He’s everything to me.” Then I turned up to the moon and pointed towards it, “I can always depend on him just like the moon depends on the sun to shine it’s brightest.” Then I lowered my arm and looked down at her again, “That’s why I want to go back.”
I could tell she was shocked by the expression on her face. Slightly shocked, “Really? But… how are you going to do it? I mean, he thinks you’re dead. You can’t just walk up to him and say ‘Oh, I’m not dead. I never was just wanted to let you think I was but here I am.’ And then expect him to let you jump into his arms.”
I looked away from her and nodded, “I know, I know. I’ve thought of that but… I guess I’ll just have to make up something until the day when I can tell him the truth.”
“But what do you plan to say?”
I shook my head, “I don’t know. I guess… I guess I could just tell him that I managed to escape or something.” Then looked back towards her.
She shook her head, her eyebrow slightly raised, “He’s not going to believe that, Rin. You’re just going to have to tell him the truth.”
I looked away again, slumped down my shoulder and sighed, “I guess so but I just hope that everyone can understand why I did it and not hate me for it.”
She reached and placed her hand on my arm, “Don’t worry Rin. They’ll believe you, I mean it’s not like you did it because you wanted to hurt them intentionally. You just had no other choice that’s all. I’m sure they’ll understand.”
Smiling, “Thanks, Yuka.”
She smiled in return, “So when do you plan to leave?”
I fully turned towards her, “As soon as possible, if it’s all right with you. I mean, I just feel bad about leaving you here by yourself.”
She giggled, “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be ok, you need to go back to your family and let them know you’re ok.”
I reached over and tightly wrapped my arms around her, “Thank You Yuka. Thank You for everything you’ve done for me. I really appreciate it.”
She wrapped her arms around me and shook her head; “No problem Rin. I’ll always be here for you when ever you need me. That’s what friends are for, right?”
I released her and pulled back to look at her, nodding, “Right, friends forever.”
She smiled and nodded, “Friends forever.” Still smiling, “We’ll go buy your ticket first thing tomorrow morning so you can leave tomorrow night.”
Nodding, “All right.”
She nudged her head towards the door, “Now let’s go inside then. It’s going to be a long day tomorrow and we both need a good nights sleep.” Then she stood and looked down at me.
I smiled and stood, walking next to her back into the house. I felt nervous and a bit anxious, my heart fluttered in my chest because I was going to be able to see everyone again. I just couldn’t wait, only hoping for the best when that moment finally came.
Yes, I know it's been over a year that i've updated and I apologize for that. I just haven't had the time I used to so I could sit and work on my stories. As most of you have noticed that I've updated my other chapters and my other story too. Like I mentioned in the beginning, I went over each and everyone of the chapters and fixed them, I just didn't like the way they were written. Now they make a bit more sense and I did add a few things to some of them that make them sound better but the story is still the same. It's up to you, my dear fans, if you want to read them over again for a refresher ~_^ but you don't have to if you don't want to.
Well, what can I say about this new chappie...
Rin seems like she's made her decision and actually puts her plan into play. Although, there are things that happen that change those plans and lucky for her they did. But I won't say what they are cause I'll ruin the story ~_^ Also, I KNOW and have a feeling that Rin is going to be hated after this chapter but it is the decisions that we make what predict what's going to happen in the future Hint Hint ~_^
Please don't forget to leave me a review k ^_^
Well, i'm sure most of you are eager to move on to the chapter so I'll stop rambling and go on with the story.
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the Inuyasha characters they belong to Rumiko Takahashi.
‘___’ Thought expressions
“Italic” Whisper expressions
It was about 6:15am when I finally arrived to the airport, it was pouring by then. Once the driver unloaded my bags, I paid him and made my way towards the inside. Stepping in, I started heading towards the ticket desk so I could check in. Luckily, the duffel bag was not too big and I was allowed to carry it on the plane with me, avoiding the hassle of having to check it in as well. Once everything was in order, the only thing left for me to do was wait for the flight to depart. So I decided to walk over to sit at the café and kill some time. Honestly, I felt horrible inside and during the entire time I was sitting there, I kept debating whether it was right or not, even when I had already convinced myself it was the only way and went through the effort to make it happen. I spoke to no one and just sat there staring at the outside, seeing the planes leave and come in. There were times when tears fell from my eyes, the people around me there just stared at me because I was able to feel their gazes but I ignored them. I paid no attention to them and kept concentrating on the internal battle that was going on inside my head.
When the boarding announcement was made, it was time for me to leave. To tell you the truth though, I was so into my thoughts that I didn’t hear the announcement on the intercom the first time. When I broke out of my reverie, I looked around and noticed that they were making the last boarding announcement for the flight. So I stood, paid my tab and began to walk towards the stairs, heading in the direction of the gate. Although, when I reached down to the floor where all the gates were, I stopped and stared at the one I had to step through. I couldn’t move as a strong feeling of regret washed through me. It was so strong that it made me close my eyes and shake my head, ‘Damn it, I can’t do this,’ and turned around to walk away but never took a step forward. Instead, I stood straight and looked at the wall for a moment before I shook my head again, ‘Fuck, I have to do this! It’s the only way.’ So I turned towards the gate again but when I did, the stewardesses were gone and the boarding had ended. I had missed my flight.
I slumped my shoulders. “Shit, this is great.” Then I walked over and sat on the chairs in the lobby. As I sat there, the battle in my mind intensified.
‘Whom am I kidding? I won’t be able to do this, I don’t have the guts.’
‘You have to, remember that it’s the only way. It’s the only choice you have or do you want Sesshomaru to be killed?’
‘NO! Absolutely not, I’d do anything, give anything just to keep him safe.’
‘Just think about it, if Koga knows you’re not with him anymore, he’ll leave him alone. You’re the only one who can save him from Koga’s insanity.’
-I closed my eyes and lowered my head, tears running down my cheeks- ‘I know but… it’s hard to leave him when he’s become everything to me. He’s the only reason why I put up with everything. If it wasn’t for him, I would’ve gone insane or who knows, I might’ve even killed myself a long time ago.’
‘That’s precisely why you have to do it. Koga knows he’s special to you and he’ll aim for him trying to get you.’
-I opened my eyes and looked at the floor- ‘You’re right and I’m not going to let Koga hurt Sesshomaru or involve me in his sick games. I’m going to leave but only because Sesshomaru deserves to live and be happy. That’s why… I’m going to do it.’
The entire time I debated, tears never stopped running down my cheeks. When I’d finally made the decision, I stood and made my way toward the ticket desk. As I waited in line, an idea suddenly came up. Once it was my turn, I walked up to the young lady,
She smiled, “Good Morning, miss. How may I help you?
My face showing hardly any emotion, “Good Morning, I need a plane ticket please.”
“Sure, what’s your destination?”
I remained silent for a bit because I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go. I couldn’t go to Australia because I knew Sess would track me down and go there to try and find me. So I just decided to go to the first place that came into mind.
“For New York City.”
“Oh, all right. May I see your ID to input your information please?”
“All right,” I turned and reached into my bag but just as I was going to pull out my ID and passport, I caught a glimpse of the other “ID” I had in the bag and another idea came into my mind. It occurred to me that I could use that ID to buy that ticket and mislead everyone. I would mislead them in making them think that Rin Imamura went off to Australia when in reality, she went to New York but as Hitomi Matsumoto. That way, if they tried to track me down, they wouldn’t be able to find me. So I pulled out the other ID and handed it to the young lady. Luckily, I didn’t need a passport since it wasn’t an international flight. Once she was done, she handed me the paperwork and I had to look over it and sign. But I had to change my signature, make it look completely different to what I usually signed and in the different name. Finally, I paid for the ticket with cash and she checked in my bags as carry-ons. Once everything was done, I stepped out to the gates again. By then it was about 8:45am and my new flight was leaving in about 20 minutes. So I sat in a chair near the gate and waited until I could board.
Those were the longest 20 minutes I’ve ever had to wait for in my entire life. When the first announcement was made, I stood and walked up to the young lady by the gate and handed her my ticket. As she checked it, a weird feeling started to run through me and for some reason; I turned towards the entrance. There was nothing or no one I recognized there but it suddenly hit me, ‘This is it.’ I almost wanted to cry as I turned towards the young lady again. She handed me my ticket and allowed me to step through. So I started to walk in, my heart breaking with every step I took but just as I was about to turn to walk into the plane, I heard my name being called and stopped. So I turned and peeked towards the lobby, my eyes widened and that’s when I almost couldn’t hold it anymore.
“RIN! Where are you!?! RIN?” He’d stopped to look around and ran a hand through his hair. He looked worried and had a look of utter despair on his face. When he didn’t see me, he started to walk away.
Obviously, he didn’t see me peeking out because there were more people coming in towards the plane as he stood outside. I honestly wanted to run out to him, run into his arms and tell him that I was sorry and hope that everything would be all right again. But I couldn’t because I knew it wasn’t going to be ok. So instead, I turned using every bit of my strength and whispered, “Goodbye, Sesshomaru,” before I walked into the plane. My heart finally shattering into pieces in my chest. I tried to hold back the tears that were already starting to fall but failed miserably. Once I’d found my seat, I leaned back and closed my eyes, seeing the look on Sesshomaru’s face before he walked away. It was enough for a light sob to escape me as more tears started to fall. Luckily, it didn’t take too long for everyone to board otherwise I would’ve changed my mind and stepped out. A few minutes later, the plane finally took off, taking me to where I had to live my new life. The new life I had to live alone. Although as the plane left, I closed the small curtain because I wouldn’t have been able to stand seeing the airport disappear just like everyone else was too.
~*~*~*~
During the flight, there was a point when I just couldn’t hold it anymore. I had to hide in the restroom to cry painful sobs into my hands as I sat on the toilet, mourning the fact that I’d given up my only chance for happiness. I grieved because I still felt responsible for what happened to Sesshomaru. Also, I left everything and everyone behind because I was nothing but a curse for all those around me. I had always been and always would be, but it left me wondering as to why it had to be me. What had I ever done in this or another life to have to endure so much? Was it a punishment? If it was, then what penance must I pay for it all to end? I never understood and couldn’t figure out the answer but it angered me. It all had started after my parents’ deaths. I was also angry with everyone for sticking by me. I was angry with God for taking my parents and Hojo away and especially at myself for ever having the idea that I could someday live life as a normal person.The flight lasted for about 6 hours, two of those I spent crying in the restroom and the other four were spent sleeping since I’d drained myself of any energy I had left. I awoke about 20 minutes before the plane was going to land. Once it did and I was allowed to step out, I started making my way towards the lobby. The air was filled with joy and happiness from the other passengers that were reuniting with their loved ones. As I kept walking though, their happiness felt as if it cut around me and left me surrounded only in the cold air filled with hopelessness and pain. Couples were locked in tight embraces and passionate kisses, making me turn away from them. I couldn’t endure to even look at them. It just hurt too much to even think about anything relating to love for it always pointed back to what I left behind.
Once I reached the lobby, I stood still and looked at my surroundings. That’s when I finally realizing that I had no where to go so I went over to sit in a chair. I was exhausted; my body hardly had any strength left, my eyes burned because of the crying and my head was pounding. So I leaned back on the chair and closed my eyes, hoping that it somehow would relieve some of the symptoms. When suddenly I heard a female voice call my name,
“Rin? Rin Imamura, is that you?”
I recognized that voice even though it wasn’t the same as when I’d last heard it. My eyes widened and I lowered my head to see a young lady of about 24 standing in front of me. Her blue eyes looking at me curiously. At first, I didn’t quite recognize her, she reminded me of someone I knew back when I was in elementary school but that was a long time ago.
So I stood and kept looking at her until she smiled, “Do you remember me?”
My face showed hardly any emotion as I kept looking at her, trying to figure out who she was until I asked, “Y… Yuka?”
Her smile widened and she nodded, “Yep. Oh my God, I can’t believe it’s you!” Then she wrapped her arms around and embraced me; “It’s been such a long time.”
I, on the other hand, was left shocked and speechless. I stood still, just looking over at her and not returning her embrace until it finally hit me, I was reuniting with the best friend that I haven’t seen in 16 years. So I slowly wrapped my arms around her and nodded, “Yeah, it has.”
Then she pulled back and we released each other. Smiling, “How are you?”
I slightly shook my head, my voice fairly stern for my face had lost all traces of emotion, “Not very well.”
Her smile faded and was replaced with a concerned look, “Oh, is everything all right? You don’t look well.”
Slightly nodding, “Yes, it will be I hope. I’ll be ok. How are you?”
Her lips curled up into a smile; “I’m doing fine, just had to pick something up from the concierge desk.”
“Oh.”Then she pointed towards the door, “Actually, I was going to grab something to eat. Do you want to come with me? We have a LOT of catching up to do, so we can grab a bite and chat. What do you think?”
At the beginning, I wanted to reject her invitation but then I remembered that I was a stranger to the city. I wouldn’t know my way around so I decided to join her, plus, I hadn’t had anything to eat in HOURS. I was sure that some food would help relieve the intense fatigue I was feeling.
I nodded, “All right.”
Her smile widened, “Cool but here, let me help you with your bag.” Then she reached out and took the duffel bag from my hands.
I curled my lips up to a smile, “Thanks.”
She nudged her head towards the door, “Come on, let’s go.” So I followed her out of the airport and walked with her as she led me towards the parking lot to her truck.
My eyes widened at the sight of her truck. It was an old classic truck. The paint was rusted, I’m guessing it’s color used to be red but it had faded almost to a light shade of pink and the shine was gone. The chrome was rusted as well, the bumpers were crooked, well, it just looked like it’s been used for quite some time. The interior of the truck was pretty beat up as well; the seats were patched up in some places, the carpet was gone and it had an antique stereo attached to the dashboard but even though it was beat up, it was very comfortable to ride in. But to be honest, my shock was not of disgust at seeing her truck but of envy. I envied Yuka for having that truck, I guess because I’d always been accustomed to having nice things when in reality I never needed them to be. As long as they were in working condition, I was happy.
So she drove us to a small deli that was towards the edge of the city near the highway. It was a cute little place and it seemed not too busy so we went inside and sat down. Immediately, the waitress walked up to us and we ordered our food as we began to catch up.
She started shaking her drink with the straw, “So Rin, you still live in California right?”
“Yes, well I did.”
“Oh. In the same house?”
“Yes and no. Although, there were times when I felt like moving out because it brought back too many memories of my parents.”
Her smile faded and she lowered her voice, “Oh yeah, I heard what happened to them. I’m sorry, Rin.”
I looked away from her and sighed, “It’s ok, I’ve learned to put it behind me.” Although, I felt like bursting into tears again, especially since I was still very sensitive but I held back. I think Yuka noticed it and tried to change the subject.
Sounding cheery again, “So what brings you to New York?”
I lifted my head and looked at her, frankly, “I’m escaping from someone.”
Looking confused, “What? Escaping? From who?”
“From some psycho chasing me around.”
Shocked, “Oh no, but how do you know he won’t find you here? I’m sure he’ll track you down from the plane ticket.”
I lowered and shook my head, “He’s not going to find me, neither of them will.”
“How do you know?”
I looked back up at her, “Because I bought the ticket under a different name.”
“Oh but who’s the other person you’re escaping from?”
I looked at her, slightly confused, “What other person?”
“You just said that ‘neither of them will’ so I assume it’s not just one person that you’re running away from.”
I shook my head, snapping back at her, “I’m not running away. I left because I had no other choice.” I sighed and leaned back on the booth, “But I guess I should tell you everything from the beginning for you to better understand.”
She nodded, “Yeah I think that’s a good idea.”
So I began to tell her everything, giving her a recap of everything that happened after I last saw her, all the way to the present. It took all afternoon for me to finish retelling her my life story. It was about 8pm when I finally finished. Once I was done, I was in tears but strangely it felt good telling her all of this. It felt good letting out what was held inside of me, like Sesshomaru had taught me to do, thus making him even harder to forget.
I placed my elbows on the table and leaned my head on my hands, looking down towards the table, “That’s it. My life has just been a living hell. There are times when it calms but something always has to happen to make it bad again. It can never just be at peace and I hate it.”
Lightly, “Wow, I don’t even know what to say. It’s just awful for you to have to go through all that.” I lifted my head up and looked towards her but said nothing. Then her eyes filled with concern, “Rin, you look exhausted.”
I nodded and ran my hand over my eyes, “I am. Although, I don’t think I’ll be able to fall asleep.” Then I looked back at her.
“Where are you staying at?”
I shook my head; “I don’t have anywhere to go. I figured I’d stay at a hotel until I find a place to stay.”
She shook her head, “Nonsense, you can stay with me. I live alone at my parents house and there’s plenty of room for you there.”
“I don’t want to trouble you.”
She giggled, “You won’t. Don’t worry plus it’s much nicer than being here in the city AND I’m not taking ‘no’ for an answer.”
I just gave up. I was so exhausted by then that I didn’t even have the energy to argue with her. So I nodded, “All right, Yuka. I’ll stay with you, thanks.”
She started walking out of the booth, “Now come on, let’s go home.”
Home, the word seemed strange to me. For I’ve never really had one since I got kicked out of what I had believed to be my home. Then the other place I’d made my home; I was forced to leave, leaving me with no where to go. So I never had a real place to call my home.
So I stood and we paid the tab but just as we were about to head towards the door, I heard someone watching the news on the television. Then a creepy feeling ran through me, making me stop and turn towards the television.
Confused, “What is it Rin?”
I ignored Yuka and kept walking towards the T.V until I was close enough to hear what was being said,
“Breaking news: Flight 107 of Koala Airlines heading towards Australia has had a tragic accident. It is being stipulated that engine failure was what caused the plane to lose altitude and crash into the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The Australian coast guard has confirmed that of the 180 passengers aboard, none have been found. Declaring this accident having no survivors. Air Traffic Control…”
I felt my blood rush to my feet when the news kicked into my head. Suddenly, I began to get dizzy. My head started spinning so much that I almost fell over. Luckily I caught myself on a nearby stool and sat on it otherwise I would’ve fallen to the floor.
Yuka was talking to the waitress behind me when she saw me fall onto the stool and walked up to me. Startled and concerned, “Rin, be careful! What happened? What’s wrong? Are you ok?”
I looked at her and almost couldn’t speak, pointing towards the TV, “The plane… flight… I…”
Worried, “What is it Rin?”
I cleared my throat and was finally able to speak. My eyes widened as I looked up at her, “I… I was supposed to be on that flight… That was… that was the one I told you I missed because I couldn’t make up my mind.”
She gasped and so did the other people that heard what I said. I couldn’t believe it, I couldn’t speak and I couldn’t think nor even breathe at the time. Just thinking that, that one instant when I hesitated saved me from being in the accident. I was in absolute shock just looking up at Yuka and with no words able to come out of my mouth.
Shocked, “Oh my god.”
Then I heard the waitress speak, “It’s a miracle.”
Yuka placed her hand on my shoulder and leaned down a bit to face me, “What are you going to do, Rin?”
Then the waitress stepped next to me and offered, “We have a phone. You can use so you can call your family and let them know you’re ok.”
I didn’t answer either of them, just lowered my head down to look at the floor. I tried to imagine everyone’s reactions to the news. I was pretty sure Sess had already let everyone know of my leaving and I wondered what their reaction to that was. Were they concerned? Was Kagome even a bit worried of what happened to me even though she didn’t want to see me again? I assumed they’d already seen the news; how did they react then? I wasn’t sure but in my mind, I figured that in a way, my prayer had been answered by making them believe I was dead, but who would grieve? I knew Sesshomaru would, so would Ayame and Sango but what about Kagome? Would she even shed a tear for me? Somehow everything kept leading back to Kagome, making me wonder, would this be the only way for her to finally forgive me when it was already too late? I didn’t know. I had so many questions running through my head. I figured that, yes, they would be sad but eventually all would forget about me and continue their lives, just like I wanted. So I decided to keep it that way, letting them think I died in that accident. I would let them grieve and go on with their lives when I, on the other hand, lived another life away from them just so they can be happy.
So I looked up at Yuka and shook my head, lightly, “No, I’m not going to call them.”
Shocked, “WHAT, Why not? They must be worried sick, you need to call them.”I shook my head and looked away from her, “No, they’re be better off without me. I’d only bring them more trouble.”
But she kept insisting, “But Rin…”
Then I looked up at her, angrily, “NO YUKA, I’M NOT GOING TO DO IT. THAT’S IT!” I stood and stormed out of the deli. I walked around and leaned on the corner of the building, looking up at the sky. It was dark already, looking almost as dark as my heart felt that moment. Huge tears ran down my cheeks as I looked up at the plain black sky. There were no stars out that night and I knew why, I’m sure I was one of the reasons.
Suddenly, Yuka came out of the building, “Rin? Rin, where are you?”
I looked over and whispered, “Over here.”
Then she walked up and leaned on the wall next to me, looking up as well, “There’re no stars out tonight. It’s going to be a cold night.” I didn’t answer her just lowered my head and looked at the floor. Then I heard her take a deep breath, her voice as light as a whisper, “I don’t know what your intentions are. I surely can’t say I know what you’re going through and you know that I don’t really agree with what you’re going to do but… I just want to let you know that I’m here for you. Friends forever, right?”
I looked over at her and she smiled. Her smile alone was more comforting than any embrace ever could but her words added warmth, something I was already starting to miss. So I curled my lips up to a smile and slightly nodded with my voice light as hers, “Right.” Then I turned towards her, “But… could we… could we leave now?”
Her smile widened and she nodded, “Yeah, let’s go.” I just smiled and we started walking towards her truck. Honestly by then, I felt like I was about to pass out of how tired I was. So during the drive to her house, I fell asleep since it was a fairly long drive. That and I just couldn’t stay awake any longer, my body had just given up.
~*~*~*~
Yuka lived far from the city in an old country house that’d she inherited from her parents. She lived in an area where it was peaceful and quiet. She lived out in the open where there was no other sign of life for miles. Her house was beautiful, even though it was really old but I think that’s what made it beautiful in the first place. It wasn’t too big it just had 3 bedrooms and a bathroom, a small kitchen but the study was what left me in awe. It was big and the walls were covered with bookshelves filled with books up to the roof. The fireplace in the middle made it cozy and I could see why she loved that room so much. I fell in love with it myself.So eventually, I began catching up on what happened to her after we’d last seen each other. She’d left school because her dad had gotten a job somewhere else and was forced to relocate. Once there, she went to a new school and just as she was about to settle in, they had to move again. She was never in a place enough time to actually make friends or go places. She never really had a place to call home, just like me. Her studies were being affected greatly, even though she was home schooled; it was still hard for her because she was always a bit behind.
That kept going until she was about 18 when her father became ill and had to stop working. He was the only income provider and was not able to work anymore so it became hard for them to support themselves. They lost their house, their car and everything they owned except for the countryside home that they had inherited from her grandparents. So eventually, they were forced to move in there. She said that the place was a bit beat up since there was no one to maintain it. Her grandparent’s had passed away a long time before they moved in. So they dedicated themselves in rebuilding the place. They cleaned out the farmhouse and used most of their savings to buy animals to keep in the farm. About school, she had a neighbor that would come to tutor her, as a way to repay her grandparents for all they’d done for her when they were alive. She really couldn’t go to school because she had to help care for her dad and the farm, that was the only option she had. Although, she said that raising the farm was what helped her dad with the illness a bit but about a year later, he passed away. Her mom followed about two years later, leaving her to live on her own when she was 21. She’s been on her own since then, living in the farmhouse with her animals to keep her company. She admitted to having a tough life but I will say that it still wasn’t as tough as mine.
I stayed living with Yuka and got to know her as well I used to again. She led a simple life and I envied her for that. She had no TV. She had a radio but really didn’t use it much. So she really wasn’t up to date with the media. Her days would always start early, VERY EARLY and most of it was spent caring for her animals and the vegetable garden she had. Once the sun would set, she would go inside and curl up in front of the fireplace with a good book until it came time to sleep. Most of her days were the same, it was funny, she hardly ever went to the city. She really didn’t need to since she had most of what she needed there in the farm but there would be instances when she would.
The only times she did were when she would need something that she couldn’t find near by but it wasn’t very often. Now she did have to work a bit though, to get some money to pay bills or buy things that she needed. So she would help out at a local school. It was not a lot but it was enough to keep her going and she loved to be with the kids. I went to the school with her a couple of times and the kids were just adorable, some got pretty attached to me too. They always asked for me when I wouldn’t go, they were just too cute. I had a lot of fun and truly enjoyed the peace living out in the country offered.
It didn’t start out so peaceful at the beginning though. The first weeks, I became extremely depressed and would literally have to cry myself to sleep. I just couldn’t close my eyes and fall asleep. Images of everything and everyone would pop into my mind and wouldn’t leave me in peace. Eventually, I began to calm down and started to get used to living without anyone except for Yuka. But there were some times when Yuka would remind me so much of Sesshomaru, adding more reasons for me to become depressed. She would say things that reminded me of him, especially, when she would try to convince me to open up. I became the Rin I used to be. The cold, lonely Rin who didn’t open herself up to avoid being hurt again. But as the months passed by, I started to slowly open myself up but not completely like I’d done before.
I ended up living with her for a period of about 8 months without being detected. Well, I didn’t really go anywhere where I could be. Honestly, I didn’t know how I even did it but luckily, my plan worked out. Until about the eight-month, when I started to REALLY feel homesick. I mean, I always was but by that point it was unbearable. All I could think by then was of Sesshomaru for I missed him terribly. I missed having him close to me and being wrapped in his arms. I missed having his warmth and soothing scent around me. I missed the times we would stargaze out in the balcony. In those cases, I would sit out on the backyard and look up at the sky, hoping that he would be out looking up as well. I missed Ayame a lot too, all the lunches we had so we could “gossip.” I missed Sango and the silly things she would come up with. I missed everyone, even Kagome but probably figured that she didn’t even think about me anymore. So towards the end, I just couldn’t handle it anymore and decided to come out of the shadows and go back. But I didn’t really know how to tell Yuka that I was leaving. I just felt bad about leaving her alone again. Until I just had to tell her that my plans had changed…
I was out on the backyard, lying on the grass looking up at the stars and moon. It was nearly full and shining brightly, faintly lighting the meadows around the farm. Suddenly, I heard the back screen door open but didn’t move to look over. Then I heard footsteps on the grass walking towards me when Yuka finally spoke, “What are you doing out here?” as she stopped to stand by me.
I looked over at her and smiled, “I’m looking up at the sky, want to join me?”
She smiled and nodded, “Ok.” She kneeled and lay on the grass next to me. We remained silent, just looking up at the stars. When minutes later she spoke again, “What do you think about?”
My arms were over my head and I was resting it on my hands when I turned slightly towards her, “When?”
She looked over towards me, “When you’re out here. I mean, I know you like to stargaze but you always seem so deep in your thoughts when you do. Like you’re always thinking about something, what is it?”
I turned back towards the sky and sighed, “Well, there are a lot of things I think about but mostly just remembering.”
Curious, “About Sesshomaru, right?” Somehow she knew and guessed correctly, I’m guessing it was easy to tell by my tone of voice. I just wasn’t sure how people were always able to decipher me so easily.
I slightly shook my head, “Not all the time but mostly it is.”
She turned towards me and leaned on one side, resting her head on her hand as she looked at me, “You miss him don’t you?”
I sat up and brought my knees up to my chest, leaning my head on them, nodding with my eyes closed, “Tremendously.” Then I slightly shook my head, “I just can’t even begin to explain how much I do.”
“I thought you wanted to forget him?”
I looked over to her, “That’s what I’d planned but I guess it only made me need him much more. Being away from him made me realize that I just can’t do it alone. I always need someone to be by my side for me to survive.”
She smiled, “You really love him don’t you?”
I smiled and nodded, “With all my heart and soul. He’s everything to me.” Then I turned up to the moon and pointed towards it, “I can always depend on him just like the moon depends on the sun to shine it’s brightest.” Then I lowered my arm and looked down at her again, “That’s why I want to go back.”
I could tell she was shocked by the expression on her face. Slightly shocked, “Really? But… how are you going to do it? I mean, he thinks you’re dead. You can’t just walk up to him and say ‘Oh, I’m not dead. I never was just wanted to let you think I was but here I am.’ And then expect him to let you jump into his arms.”
I looked away from her and nodded, “I know, I know. I’ve thought of that but… I guess I’ll just have to make up something until the day when I can tell him the truth.”
“But what do you plan to say?”
I shook my head, “I don’t know. I guess… I guess I could just tell him that I managed to escape or something.” Then looked back towards her.
She shook her head, her eyebrow slightly raised, “He’s not going to believe that, Rin. You’re just going to have to tell him the truth.”
I looked away again, slumped down my shoulder and sighed, “I guess so but I just hope that everyone can understand why I did it and not hate me for it.”
She reached and placed her hand on my arm, “Don’t worry Rin. They’ll believe you, I mean it’s not like you did it because you wanted to hurt them intentionally. You just had no other choice that’s all. I’m sure they’ll understand.”
Smiling, “Thanks, Yuka.”
She smiled in return, “So when do you plan to leave?”
I fully turned towards her, “As soon as possible, if it’s all right with you. I mean, I just feel bad about leaving you here by yourself.”
She giggled, “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be ok, you need to go back to your family and let them know you’re ok.”
I reached over and tightly wrapped my arms around her, “Thank You Yuka. Thank You for everything you’ve done for me. I really appreciate it.”
She wrapped her arms around me and shook her head; “No problem Rin. I’ll always be here for you when ever you need me. That’s what friends are for, right?”
I released her and pulled back to look at her, nodding, “Right, friends forever.”
She smiled and nodded, “Friends forever.” Still smiling, “We’ll go buy your ticket first thing tomorrow morning so you can leave tomorrow night.”
Nodding, “All right.”
She nudged her head towards the door, “Now let’s go inside then. It’s going to be a long day tomorrow and we both need a good nights sleep.” Then she stood and looked down at me.
I smiled and stood, walking next to her back into the house. I felt nervous and a bit anxious, my heart fluttered in my chest because I was going to be able to see everyone again. I just couldn’t wait, only hoping for the best when that moment finally came.
~*~*~*~