InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ A Sealed Fate ❯ Chapter 10

Try as hard as he might, he couldn't block it out; even at his most basic level, it was in his nature to be aware. He couldn't help it, it was his instincts. To calm himself, that's what he focused on: the feeling of the Earth beneath his feet, how his muscles tensed before he leapt, the feeling of the breeze against his hair, pushing back his silver locks. His ears swiveled in this direction and that, torn between being on alert for predators and listening to the sounds of the forest. Yes, if he could just run, feel his heart race, hear the blood pumping, he could block out all his thoughts.

He was not going anywhere in specific; he had no destination, no reason for this trip other than he needed it. The village felt too cramped. He felt eyes as if everyone was waiting on him to make some big decision, that they were angry at him for making the miko leave, that his friends sadness was overwhelming him… He just had to go.

He pushed off the ground and found himself on a high branch; he wasn't sure why he stopped. He wasn't sure why he did anything anymore. The hanyou reached into his robe and absent mindedly fingered the chain Kagome had gave him. It had been six months since she trapped him in the hut and left for good.

At that time, he couldn't be controlled. He tried repeatedly, over and over again to get through the well. The sun had set and risen before it finally became clear that for the first time, the well had rejected him. He couldn't bring her back.

When Kikyou had confessed that she wished to be with him, wished to live the life they had planned before Naraku, he had felt his stomach drop. His ears were burning, his demon raging. His human and demon side were combating for control. The demon was ready to sharpen his claws- this dead creature had made his bitch leave! His human sympathized; he too, mourned the loss of Kagome, but still felt pity and guilt for Kikyou. He shook off her confession, eyes blurring between amber and red, and screamed at everyone to leave. The miko made the mistake of trying to move closer to him, laying her gentle hands on his arm, to take him from the brink he was dangerously teetering on. Inuyasha flinched his arm away and bared his fangs. `I want all of you to fucking leave me the hell alone!'

He had been betrayed. Once he came from the well that final time, it dawned on him that everyone he had trusted had played a part in this separation. Why? Why hadn't anyone stopped her! She belonged here with him, damn it! She was his bitch!

Not that he ever told her; not that he wasn't at fault for allowing Kikyou to join them in the first place. He should have known something was up when she requested that; but he wanted to believe that she had only pure intentions.

Everyone had tried to tell him that she had changed since her soul departed 50 years ago, but he had refused to believe it. Yet, truthfully, was she any different? The dog demon couldn't help but wonder if she would have acted the same way back then. When she was alive, there were no rivals for his attentions and affections- it was only her. She had tried to change him, perhaps even manipulate him, but ridding himself of his demon side so they could be together.

She had looked at it as dirty, impure. She would have never accepted him, as a husband and a man the way he was now. So what changed? She claimed that she was tired of wasting time, and that she had simply wanted to be with him.

Wasn't that what he had wanted all along?

After leaving the well, he took to the trees. He couldn't be around those people. He couldn't be in the village. He knew some of her things still remained inside of the hut. He knew if he caught her scent it might drive him into madness. He had to get away.

It took three weeks before he returned. In the end, he returned to defeat Naraku. He no longer cared about avenging Kikyou, about the slayers village or the monks cursed hand. He needed something to kill, something to hate, something to focus on. He had to rid his mind of anything other than kiking that monsters ass. If he had not of killed Kikyou, then Kagome wouldn't have come through the well. If he had never met her, he wouldn't be feeling this pain right now.

But even then, he wouldn't wish it away. Each memory was an exquisite pain, and he wanted to relieve them in his memories over and over again.

He didn't say a word about where he ventured to; he simply came back to the village, moved aside the reed mat and took his place against the wall.

At first, no one said a word to him. Miroku was the first to try and make a move, but as soon as he got close enough, Inuyasha let out a feral growl warning him to stay back. Sango tried to speak from where she sat, but he gave her such a look that she bit her tongue. Kikyou simply offered her silent sympathy.

It was the kit who broke through to him.

Once the sun had set and his `friend' had found their slumber, he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. No, he wouldn't really sleep. At this point, he wasn't sure that he could trust the people inside of the hut. It was the fox's whimpers, too silent for human ears, that drew him from his brooding. Shippo was curled up, crying. The hanyou rose, and stood over him. For a moment, the kit had expected a number of things: a hit on the head, name calling, telling him demons don't fucking cry. But instead, he simply lifted the kit into his arms, and brought him back to his spot, taking his original position; however, he let the fox rest in his lap, his hands stoking his fine orange fur. It was then that he realized he want the only one who missed Kagome. His friends were hurting too.

It took time, but he eventually had a proper talk with them, or as much as a conversation as he would allow. They did their best to explain that Kagome had been approached by Kikyou, and she had felt that it was what Inuyasha had truly wanted. Kagome felt like a hindrance, and she no longer wished to be in the way. Miroku and Sango had tried to reason with her, but she was determined to do it; moreover, the girl was in pain. The months of constant comparison, the countless times she had been second best, left behind while he chased after his dead lover had al caught up with her. In Kagomes mind, Inuyasha would only be able to move forward if she left.

He knew he was at fault.

Time passed, the season made its change and he still felt stuck in place. They moved as a group, but there was always the underlying tension of betrayal. The slayer and the monk became closer, repying on eachother for emotional support. Shippo seemed to have aged considerably, and moved with solemn purpose. Gone were the days of light hearted chatter and easy laughing. The group had never been more grim.

Per Kagomes request, Sango and Miroku did not shun the miko as they would have liked. She had asked that they not exclude her, for Inuyashas sake. Even in her pain, she asked that they welcome her replacement with open arms. When Inuyasha had felt the need to inquire as to why they were not exactly kind, but tolerant of Kikyous existent, their answer had been Kagome. He felt a lump in his stomach build as he marveled at her undying kindness, and how even though she was gone, still found ways to effect his daily life.

Kikyou had no brought up the matter that drove Kagome away. She did try to make physical contact with the dog demon from time to time, but he found his mucles tensing, the smell of her over whelming, and he always found reason to excuse himself.

He had changed too. To an outsider, one might not have noticed, but to those who knew him it was more than evident. He often took off in the night for long periods of time, to run, clear his head, or simply mourn Kagome in peace. If the group thought he was reserved conversationally before, couldn't have been more wrong. It was almost as if he were a mute; he spoke when spoken too, in short answers. He gave directions when needed.

In battle, he had changed too. During the three weeks that he was gone, he looked for it. He would find any reason to extend his claws and draw his sword. He needed the adrenaline; he needed to release the frustration and the anger.

He didn't even care when he got hurt. After a particually gruesome match, he sat against the trunk of a tree and looked down at the gaping hole in his stomach. The hanyou closed his eyes and imagined what Kagome would say if she saw him in this state. He couldn't help himself from speaking out loud.

“Forget it wench, I don't need your damn bandages! Go take care of the others. Im a demon, remember? I don't have a weak, pathetic human body like the rest of you do.”

He waited for her response, longed so badly to feel her soft hands run along his chest and tend to the flesh. He grazed the hole with his fingers and laughed so hard he felt tears prick his eyes. He wasn't sure if it was from the pain or the madness of missing Kagome.

But once he returned, he had taken a different approach. He just didn't have the energy to fight off anything that was not Naraku. He had nothing to protect, no one counting on him. He truly didn't care if he lived or if he died. He simply went through the motions.

Inuyasha ran his long fingers over the chain. He closed his eyes, bringing forth the memory of that day. He wanted to crawl inside it and live in it forever.

~.~

Kagome let out a long sigh. It was another day. Another morning of the same thing, another afternoon of tedious schedules, another night of repetitive niceties with family and friends.

When she was in the feudal era, she longed for these routines. She had missed helping her grandfather tend to the shrine, assisting her mother with the chores and cooking, and playing with her brother. But that was before.

Now, her heart was broken.

The things she missed simply did not weigh against the constant ache in her chest, the daily sting of tears from her eyes. The one thought that she replayed over In her mind, was that Inuyasha was happy. On some days, it would pull her through, and she would lift her head a little higher. On others, it was break her down to tears.

She just went through the motions of the day. Her mother had tried to force her to speak to a therapist, but the girl refused. There was no way an outsider would understand what she was going through, and if she had let the wrong thing slip, she would be branded insane! There were no demons in her time, no arrogant yet loving hanyou. No villians and jewel shards. They would think she was nuts!

The months simply blurred together. It was only the arrival of the new shrine worker that seemed to pull Kagome some what out of her slump.

Her grandfather had hired a boy named Jiro, who had recently graduated, to work and stay at the shrine. Kagome had never realized it, but gramps had waited to do heavy lifting until Inuyasha was there. Over time, they became dependant on the dog demons strength and prescene in their lives. Had he not had been such a staple in the house hold, Jiro would had come sooner.

To outsiders, Jiro was a pleasantly behaved young man, good looking, strong and tall. Once word got out about the new worker, there was a strange increase of female patrons to the shrine. Jiro came from a family that also had a shrine, so he was familiar with the duties it required. Being one of five sons, he was not needed at home, and welcomes the opportunity to prove himself.

At first, Kagome had been impassive about their new guest. She had dressed presentably as her mother had requested, smiled at the appropriate times and showed Jiro due respect. Yet, she simply loked through him. He was nothing special, just another person.

The girl was surpised when his carefree smile had turned sour. Jiro had come over to her with a grin plastered on his face.

“Kagome, would you mind tidying up near that well? It seems it has been untouched for quiet some time.”

She bit the inside of her cheek. No. she couldn't go near there. She was afraid. She didn't want to see sutras sealing the well; she might rip them off. If she tried to pass through, she knew the time slip would fail to open. She would lie in the dirt at the bottom and cry.

She shook her head no.

“Im sorry, I… I cant do that right now.”

Jiros smile faltered and he leaned on the broom he was holding.

“Oi, girl! Ive been biting my tongue about what a lazy, gloomy unappreciative brat you've been since I got here, but I cant take it anymore! I want to fucking shake you out of whatever the hell is going on in that damned head of yours!”

Kagome south dropped. For the first time in months, she felt anger.

Unfortunately for Jiro, she was accustomed to over bearing, foul mouth, arrogant, selfish bastards. She was practically trained for this moment.

“Oh yeah? What the heck gives you the right to talk to me like that! This is my home! If I want to sulk, Ill sulk! You don't know anything about me, yet you feel like you can judge me! Get over yourself! Im not going to let you talk to me like that, and Im not cleaning that well!”

“Oh, suddenly you have a voice now! You're a damned selfish brat. Ive watched the way everyone worries about you; its like the entire house is on egg shells not to say the wrong thing and upset you. Well that aint me. I don't give a damn whats wrong with you, your disrespectful and not pulling your share.”

She felt her hands ball into fists. Not pulling her share? NOT PULLING HER SHARE?!

“UGH, JUST WHO THE HECK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? SI- She bit her tongue. She had almost told Jiro to sit. Kagome felt the laugher rise from her belly, she couldn't control it. It felt too damned good to stop. She laughed until tears came from her eyes.

Jiro looked at her with a brow arched. He was sure she had finally lost it. Finally Kagome spoke as she wiped her eyes.

“That was great- thank you.” She flashed him her first smile in months. He couldn't help but feel himself blush. When did she become cute? “Your right, I do need to stop acting like this. Ill help out more…” She started to walk towards the house, but looked over her shoulder at Jiro, “But Im not going near that well.”