InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Absolution: The Collected Chronicles of Miroku and Sango ❯ Hazy Shade of Winter ( Chapter 8 )

Sometimes, Miroku had to question his sanity. Soon after meeting Sango, he realized he had existed in his own time loop. Nothing had moved forward or backwards; his life had stood still. Miroku had known and acknowledged his hatred for Inuyasha and Kagome. In the beginning he hated them. He hated them for the deception and the lies. He hated them for the heartache and the subsequent numbness that had permeated his life and ate at his soul. He hated them for being able to move on with each other while he stood still.

 

After his confrontation with Kagome, Miroku realized he had some more owning up to do. As his feelings of hate for the deceptive couple began to wan, his own personal hatred grew.

 

“How did I allow myself to become so bitter?”

 

That was often the question that crossed his mind. As he began to emerge from the funk that had buried him through the winter, Miroku saw how far he had sank. He could not believe how much power he had allowed to be taken from him. The fact that he left his home only reinforced in Miroku's mind the low levels he had reached.

 

“I ran like a coward.”

 

But facing the pity and humiliation in a small village would have been too much. Miroku could envision it now: eyes looking at him, full of sorrow for the incident. Whispers behind his back about how Kagome and Inuyasha had been seeing each other and everyone had been aware but him.

 

When he reflected back, Miroku hated himself for not knowing, for not seeing the signs. The loathing that threatened to poison him was aimed at his blindness for not wanting to see the signs.

 

“For believing the words that came out of her lying mouth.”

 

“For believing Inuyasha when he said I was like a brother.”

 

“For allowing them to stab me in the back.”

 

“For believing that either of them ever loved me.”

 

“Does love always mean betrayal? How could you know the truth? Even with commitment, there was always the chance of being hurt. Do I even want to risk it again?”

 

Miroku wasn't sure if he could handle being hurt again

 

“Would I even have my sanity or would it just snap like a twig in the storm?”

 

Miroku know he could only allow this self-hatred to consume him momentarily. It was too easy to fall back into the pit of darkness. The dark could not have any more of him. Sango was trying to reach him with her light and he was determined to move forward. Miroku wasn't sure what to think any more. Maybe a plea to a higher power was needed. Dressing quickly, Miroku decided to go to the temple of SensÅ-ji. Maybe Guan Yin would take favor and grant him mercy.

 

Stepping out into the evening, a fleeting thought entered Miroku's mind. It came from his old uncle, Mushin. Mushin was a monk and a drunk but he had a good heart and he often gave Miroku sound advice. Miroku could hear Mushin's voice echoing inside his head.

 

“Sometime, divine intervention is needed. Other times, you just need to see the light.”