InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Absolution ❯ Damaged People ( Chapter 3 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer: I own neither Inuyasha nor Depeche Mode- although I'd love to… (Martin is a genius and Dave is pure sex!)

AN: I'm sorry for having to make up a place. But I just have to, to make the story fit. All the other places like Insomnia lounge in Shibuya and Daikanyama Heights in the same ward are real places. Also, in the last chapter there are plenty of mistakes, and when I end this story I promise I'll edit it. I confess that Depeche Mode are my biggest inspiration to write KagXInu, most of the times involving sex and angst.

Also I know I promised you only one more chapter, but it was impossible to scramble everything in this one, therefore I think I need one more chapter and then maybe and epilogue. Enjoy.

lll - Damaged People

The night entered sharply through a gap that Miroku's soft peach curtains hadn't covered. The light came from the moon, which was voluptuous that night in its round forms- it was full.

Two figures in a bed were contoured by that weak light that moonlit the room. Peace had fallen over their bodies languidly and now they enjoyed sleep when most people could find release of their inner demons. So could they.

They couldn't however escape when the ringing of the phone, that at 2:44 AM sharp broke the quietness, brought both the male and the female body laying in that large king-sized bed up, trembling and winded.

Dark amethyst met cinnamon and her hand was faster than his to reach for the phone that was also nearer her, on the night table. Groggily her voice communicated.

“Mo…mochi-mochi”

“Sango?”

The woman who had picked up the phone, rose the device to see the caller ID since she was to inebriated with sleep to distinguish that voice from the ones that had plagued her dreams.

“Rin? What's the matter” her worry tumbled in on her, as she for a moment, begging apologies at Kagome's soul, thought about broken Inuyasha, who'd looked more like her childhood best friend than in the last fourteen years.

“Well… I know you're really pissed about it… and I understand. But Inuyasha … You see Miroku told us to tell him if anything changed. And Inuyasha kind of… woke up.”

“What? Wasn't he in an induced coma?”

“Yeah he was. But he woke up today at nightfall, we saw it through the cameras when we got here. This shouldn't be happening. The incantation … the ofudas… look… can you guys just come here to the shiro? I know it's a little far… but…” the young lady's voice broke in a hushed sound that seemed wet with tears.

“Oh Sango… he does such things…” Her voice clogged with sadness and Sango was suddenly before a situation that she thought unsolvable. She was disappointed with Inuyasha, she'd always thought he'd man up and take care of Kagome, she'd always thought he'd be honest with himself, and choose her. And he had let her down, thus she thought he deserved everything he was getting. He'd brought this on himself- she thought.

But… Kagome was such a kind person… what would she say if she ever saw her innermost feelings? She'd as disappointed as she was with Inuyasha. Besides, he was her friend… and she loved him, she was worried about him. And if his situation was something like Miroku had described… then yes he must've been going through an awful, irremediable agony.

She was torn apart between helping Inuyasha and not helping. But her thought hadn't much thought in it. It was simple: he'd fucked up. But he'd been fucking up a lot since long time ago, and it wasn't for not forgiving him when she herself had never done against the illicit encounters. Encounters, they should have never had, she should've protected Kagome better, and she knew Inuyasha was darkening on the inside, but she just wanted them to be happy.

To her, Kagome could save Inuyasha, and her best friend had been so madly in love with the hanyou…

“Sango? You still there?”

“Yeah… We're going.”

Miroku's eyes travelled through the darkness to find hers and he found there a shining of worry that he didn't expect to. Was Inuyasha okay?

You know what I need
when my heart bleeds
I suffer from greed
a longing to feed
on the mercy in you

Depeche Mode-Mercy in you

The darkness was ebbing away. But she didn't want to let go of it. No… her body was drained of forces…There was something pulling her upwards from the comfortable numbness that had invaded her bones since she didn't know when- it just seemed like forever now.

No she didn't want to leave this darkness, she was happy but she noticed the lack of pain in her heart, as if it had always been the only thing there. And she knew that going upwards was being drown all over again, but in sorrow, instead of deadness.

She'd rather live in the empty darkness that in the tourbillion of feeling she knew she had once, at some point.

She just couldn't remember why?

Why was it? Why was there a whole in her chest? Has she suffered a lot? Had someone hurt her? What had happened?

Again a surge of live coursed her body, bur she recoiled her immaterial body recoiled from resurrection. Why come back? Here she didn't have to suffer ever again, whispered the voiced hidden in the gloom.

Then why did a little piece of her heart, which was so much smaller than the large hole that perforated her chest, thrummed with such power? Why did it feel like it was absorbing those surges of powers? Why did it long? Whom did it long for?

Upwards it was cold, cold was beginning to seep into her veins, it chilled her and she quivered in fear. What would she find above the warmth of the calm darkness? Why did she want to find more and more... but she felt so safe here… and safe was so good. She had never felt safe had she? Upwards there was only pain and suffering, she wanted to bury her mind in the murkiness of the numbness, she wanted to join those dark voiced that lured her. Then why did her little thrumming device, lodged in her perforated chest, thumped wildly nudging her up, pulling her back.

Most of all… why didn't she want to come back to life?

Flashback

Her screams escalated to scaring highs, her back arched, her arms around him, she found completion as she always found whenever he explored her depths.

This were the moments she wanted to repeat to him how much she wanted him, how much her heart longed for him, how much she wanted to reach out, touch him, pull him inside her body to shield him against any and every adversity.

Her love could swallow mountains, the whole world, if it meant she'd be allowed to share this with him.

Although she knew, she was no fool, that he sought relieve in her body, for the pain that had been caused for his love of another.

It was sad, and degrading, and humiliating- and she'd tried to tell him sooner that she couldn't keep this going on. But how to escape yourself? She wondered.

Therefore when his lips had clashed with hers, in a powerful bust of lust, Kagome had decided that this was the last time- she loved him and this wasn't healthy for him, to be stuck to such a pernicious addiction. She wanted him to be happy. With her pain, she could live, not with his.

He growled in her ear, his nose scrunching as he sniffed her long swan neck arched backwards, as she rose the marvelous waves of the orgasm he'd gifted her with - her mouth babbling his name in broken syllables- and he pumped, and pumped and pumped, relentless, aiming to please both himself and her.

And as he came to his peak, roaring and sucking on that special place where shoulder met neck, that he cherished so much, his seed, thick and glorious, spilled in her womb, and she gave an humanistic growl one more time for the sensations he caused in her that rocked her to her very core.

Two moments passed before he exited from her, now sagging and exhaust, and threw his back to the mattress. Not a word came out of his lips since her confession- one she knew she shouldn't have done, but again, she couldn't control it, and he'd heard it too many times.

She was now surer than ever. She had to leave. And by leaving, leave Inuyasha be, to live his life. What could've been happiness was left behind that night, when after that movement of his, sprawling on the mattress, she grabbed her clothes and began to dress her fragile and broken body.

The brunette woman could feel his golden eyes on her, watching as she molded the knee length socks to her calves, as she squirmed into the pleated mini skirt, and as she rose her mass of ebony shiny locks from the collar of his shirt that had imprisoned it. She grabbed her car keys hurled to the ground in the throes of passion and stopped, shaking.

When she turned, her eyes lingered on him, a sweet watery smiled met his nonchalant demeanor (she knew very well he hated when she left… had to fight his demons alone). She closed her precious eyes and took a deep breath of the new life she'd chosen for her- a life without Inuyasha.

He never moved, nor did he acknowledged her, when she turned, or when she started to walk away without a goodbye or an explanation- this were things they normally shared after what had happened- it was as if he too understood that something was broken. She, she was broken inside. She grabbed her cell phone, already near her car, flipped it open and waited for Sango to pick up.

“Kaggy?”

Her tone of voice denounced Kagome's best friend, and the young girl frowned, half worried, half amused.

“Are you drunk Sango? “

“I may be…” her dragged words made Kagome want to laugh.

“Look I have something really important to tell you. Tomorrow I'll meet you in your house.”

“What? Why? What's up?” Suddenly Sango's voice seemed more sober, and Kagome truly smiled in gratitude. But she didn't muster the courage to either tell her now in front of Inuyasha's apartment, or to tell her at all.

“Don't worry Sang. I'll tell you tomorrow promise. IT's just. I have decided to do something I cannot escape from doing anymore. I think I'm going away.”Saying it out loud was like having a thousand bricks falling on her. Reality downed on her like a maniac, and she understood she was saying she was going to live without Inuyasha. What a scary thought!

“What? Kagome are you crying?”Kagome denied it shaking her head, as if her sister could see it, but another sob ripped her chest and she cried harder “Kagome Talk to me! Tell me what's wrong?” Sango seemed immediately frantic.

“Enjoy your party Sango…” she mumbled, as the cell phone was flipped closed and she smashed it against the ground.

After that it had been all too quick. She'd entered her Toyota, hastily and perturbed, and had begun to drive home. The bridge came near, but she was too lost in sobs, in weakness to hold the steering wheel in her hands, her view was muddied with salty wetness, and the car swerved to the right, she didn't knew how, but she found herself in the Toyota flying above the Sumida, then come to an abhorrent descent.

End of Flashback.

"Inuyasha!”

Raven air splashed the air when a head came up, in a frenzied way, blue-grey eyes searching the space they found around her. She didn't recognize anything, but she was so, so hot. Her body was on fire.

She was in a frantic, she wanted mother, she wanted Sango and Miro-kun… and she wanted Inuyasha… Gods, she wanted Inuyasha.

But the Inuyasha she wanted didn't exist. She wanted a love that was safe, where she could shield herself from the rocks life threw at her, the terror that had struck her before she'd plunged underwater filled her mouth with large mouthfuls, and she felt like she was drowning all over again…

Damn that thundering device in her chest, which now she knew thumped for her beautiful Hanyou, who by now was furious with her, no question- he always was the one in control, he'd never appreciate it that she'd been the one to break up their … so called relationship.

Kagome whished the dark numbness back.

A voice above her boomed.

“She's awake! Okaa-san! She's awake!”

Another voice, deeper, hushed, older, female answered the first voice in a much more measured tone.

“Quickly Jinenji go get her some cold water and a cloth, she's burning up.”

She tried to speak but her throat ached, it had lumps, her voice had done enough damages, when it had screamed his name. But the owner of the voice- who she still couldn't distinguish because her vision was blurred, but who seemed a old woman, by stature she could acknowledge a little woman. - noticed her ill trying, and shook her head, all she could see was a dark blur denying her the need to speak.

“Child, you must not speak you are too weak.”

“Whe-Wher..?” she rasped out, her words seemed like sharp stoned ripping her throat to shreds, it burned like hot blood, and she was still so hot, she had no strength, her eyes rolled back and she fell back in a darkness that this time was no comfortable coma. It would be a restless sleep.

The man and the old woman that had found the girl by the river. Unconscious, frozen to death, her skin an eerie blue, her lips true blueberries through where no air passed. She neither shook nor trembled and they immediately had understood that it was no good thing.

Happily, Jinenji the young male was a horse-hanyou that had learned with his father the arts of healing through herbs. Therefore Kagome had been carried to the house of both, who live isolated from everybody. Life in the city was impossible. The country… it was harsh, because not all hanyou could look as good as the sons of the Inu Taiyoukai who'd once ruled all the youkai. No Jinenji had inherited a strange mixture of his mother appearance, and his father's. But, truth be said, his heart thundered in his chest as one of the bravest, the kindest.

Never in his mind, had he thought about leaving the ningen there.

Now laying in their humble but clean and esteemed house, Kagome was a sleep and Jinenji observed her.

“What are you doing?”

“Okaa-san, you scared me… “

“This child is not for you Jinenji, she'd already claimed, in spirit if not in flesh. And it's a powerful one …”

The kind man, which really looked like an equine with his large physique and long face, and bulged eyes like a horse, turned his head aside, avoiding the harsh words of his mother. He knew she was always realistic, the most realistic possible, but it hurt and sometimes he forget how harsh and cold she could be.

Why not keep the beautiful girl? Maybe she'd value him, learn to respect him. He would know how to respect her. He was sure he could even love her… She was indeed beautiful. Raven tresses, pearly skin, blue-grey eyes,… he'd not seen much of her it was true, she had passed most of the time in that strange coma, but he was sure she was a kind person.

Why not keep her?

Because that name that the girl had released, the only one she'd released through the whole time, was a very important name.

And nobody else had it.

What should he do? If she belonged to the prince… What could Jinenji do? He was his subordinate. Lord Sesshomaru and the Taisho household in general took care of any and every matter concerning youkai in Japan in governmental and imperial institutions. It was best if they talked it over, when she woke up.

“Take me the fuck out of here, Sesshomaru “

An aggressive growl coursed the room where Sesshomaru had made him stay. His hands crashed once again against that glass that separated him from the rest of the house, in the dungeons of the shiro, one softer than the other clutching a cotton soft pink camisole, an electric current slapped him in the colors of Miroku's power.

His red eyes sought the wisdom of his brother's yellow ones. Sesshomaru sighed and looked at Miroku. They both wanted to help. Rin had stayed upstairs with Sango. Because Rin could not see this again, and neither could Sango see for the first time. Miroku refused to allow it.

Blood poured on the floor and walls, and even this glass wall, with the form of his hand or not, in puddles in an almost flood. He looked too pale, had refused each plate of food that the servant had brought, and the remnants were smashed against an unbloodied wall, in a pile. His chest showed no sign of being slashed open with his claws every time he thought of her. And that pissed him off further, but his hands, his long claws, covered in dried blood, as his hair, assured him it was truth.

“Otouto, you've to reverse to your hanyou form”

“No! She's mine and I want to search for her! She's not dead you idiots!” His fist pounded harder, harder, harder against the glass that shook, but didn't yield. He hissed the words, biting his tongue.

The two males on the other side of the glass looked at their best friend and brother and felt their chest heavier. Was he deranged? And he didn't even know the possibility of suicide that he'd shared with Sesshomaru, and seemed more or less plausible for them both. The women would never believe it. Inuyasha would kill him to even suggest that she'd kill herself, but it was plausible, after what she'd said to Sango… But he had to know the truth. Sesshomaru looked at him quizzically.

“Inuyasha…” Miroku started. The youkai that had turned back to them to tenderly smell the small remnant of Kagome's scent in her surprisingly immaculate blouse. Hot red eyes fixed on Miroku, in a scary angle, over his shoulder. “You can't live in an illusion.”

“She's not dead!” he growled furious his fists beating the glass over and over once again, the power in Miroku's ofudas churning the skin and flesh of his knuckles, smoke rose in a sinuous way, but he didn't care

“Someone has her!” His eyes turned from angry to frantic to hysteric, he looked like he was going to burst, his body crossing the horizontal length of the glass wall, to back again be in front of her.

“Someone has her and she's not marked, I have to search for her, and punish her for running away”

“Inuyasha, I have my best men and every Taiyoukai in the world under notice that a woman with her description is to bring here. You can't be released or you'll end up killing some ningen.”

“I don't care! I have to get her back!”

“She's dead!” Miroku growled, his humanistic growl, be it, but he growled and also smashed a hand against the unyielding glass.

“Do you want to know Inuyasha? She's dead!”Miroku was red; he seemed unfocused with rage as his eyes bored on Inuyasha's surprised and antic orbs. “Â´She called Sango, broken with sobs, drowned in tears, she said she was going away, and whose fault is that? Let us all guess, Kikyo turned chilly again, denied you. So who do you call? The only person you know you can use at your will. Kagome's there, you fuck her and she walks away. And you claim she's yours? This is your chance. You don't have to worry about Kagome anymore because she's fucking dead!!”

The response that came from Inuyasha was unexpected. His eyes returned, slowly, to Kagome loved gold, his stripes faded, his fangs and claws recede, his head became clearer, unblurred with thoughts of her. And then Miroku's words sounded again in his mind. His eyes filled with pain and tears, and his body fell through the bloodied wall, his arms wrapped around the cotton simple blouse and he curled a little, his eyes away from his visitors. He'd never felt so vulnerable, weak, unprotected, nor so empty.

“That's not true. Can't be.” He mumbled.”She wouldn't leave me Miroku.”

Miroku sighed to prevent the tears that always floated to his eyes whenever he saw the man he knew, broken, and kneeled directly across him, separated by the glass wall.

“You hurt her”

“I didn't mean to. I just wanted relief, and I couldn't let her go”

“But you hurt her nonetheless.”

“But-but…” his chin quaked and his shoulder hunched, and suddenly Miroku found the little hanyou who'd been scurried out of somewhere because of his heritage. Damp, damp, made his tears as they landed in his clothes, as they did now. “She said she loved me”

“And you? You've tasted unrequited love, Kikyo doesn't love you, Think about that feeling in Kagome and what you did to her.”

Golden eyes closed in a grimace of pain. He'd taken that feeling, which in his mind's eye was her heart, used it then slashed it, broken it, shattered it; fragment it, until nothing was left. He'd destroyed her. And if she'd wanted to leave him, she'd every right to do so. He was the one that should've died though.

“Sesshomaru” His older brother turned cold eyes at him, but he knew better, as he tried to win the sobs and the tears as he spoke, he was sure Sesshomaru was not indifferent. As different as they were, and as uncaring as he'd been in the beginning, Sesshomaru had taken care of him, and they're brothers, it was blood.

“Give me Tetsusaiga.”

“No. I'll not give you a weapon.” The hanyou seemed aggravated.

“I won't kill myself, stupid, I just don't want to transform again. All I can think about is getting her back to punish her.” Avoiding both stares, he swallowed the self loath. He looked at a distant window, filling his skin with moonlight.

“I still have to search her though. I'm hanyou, I won't kill senseless, and you can't stop me.” Those amber pained eyes turned to them “I can't believe she's dead, and I'll never believe it. I have to believe I'd feel it in me if she was …”

“You're not marked, nor is she. We can't know if you'd feel it like marked mates or not, because no one ever found himself in your situation.”

Inuyasha shook his head and whipped his head to face his brother, with mad furious eyes.

“I know it! I know my blood would die with hers. She's mine! She lacks a stupid mark, to show off whom she belongs to, but that's just that! She's my mate”

As always unresponsive features carved the older Taisho's face. Then a long hand came from the darkness. Sesshomaru caressed the closed glass.

“This Sesshomaru understands.” The other hand of the Taiyoukai had sneaked to the side to insert a few numbers in a device that solicited for a code to raise the glass barrier between Inuyasha and freedom.

Humans knew almost nothing about youkai administration.

Sesshomaru had a few Taiyoukai as his servants across the globe. They're lords of countries and regions, then they also had their subordinates that took care of the youkai matters in a smaller range, then those had their subordinates, which did the same. Eventually everyone was under Sesshomaru.

It had been like this for centuries now, before Sesshomaru it had been the previous Inu no Taisho, before him his father and so on. The Inu clan had always been the leading one, had won every war against rebel who had wanted to take that place like panther and moth youkai.

This was why Inuyasha was a prince. This was why he'd almost unlimited resources.

Just out of his imprisonment, the hanyou rested his head against the cold tile of the walls of his bathroom. Gods he missed her, although he didn't' feel with such intensity as when he was a full youkai, he felt a strange need to balance the youkai and ningen feelings in him… this balance kept pain and anger counter balancing, and it was good. He was glad the new moon had been previous to that night with Kagome. He would have probably killed himself if he was human, then again, maybe not, had he been human, he would still not understand she was to be his mate. A warm tear joined the stream of water hammering his body. He licked it way, but the pain lingered.

The only thought that kept him up was the need to find her; to be sure she was ok. As long as he didn't accept the dark concept of her dead it was ok, it would be ok.

When caged, he'd thought about never hurting her again, and for that to cut all ties with her, as soon as he knew she was ok. But at that time, his thoughts had been fuzzy, and he certainly had been as crazy when that thought surged, than when he thought about strangling her because he had thought she'd run away.

He couldn't face anyone's question about his hope, Inuyasha believed his Kagome was alive and no one would make him change his mind.

As his hands pulled clean clothes over his body he thought seriously about Kagome. He'd been disgusting to her, it was truth, self-loath had already eaten away his loins, but could she still love him? Something bad had happened to her that he didn't doubt off. But she'd always loved him; she would still love him right? They could be happy! He wanted to make her happy, so badly, this time, he needed to show her how much she meant to him, how much he loved her.

On his futon in his shoji surrounded bedroom on the shiro, laid a piece of clothing, pink, a little ragged and wrinkled, but it was clean. Kagome's shirt had been worn to the end, by his nose, and now it emanated no scent. Like she, he thought bitterly.

A soft knock on the door made him turn sharply, annoyed by the interruption to his melancholic thoughts. Then Sango came in, and he swallowed hard. She had his best friend, had been so for years, but she also loved Kagome, thus she despised him now.

He waited for her to speak but she didn't. After she entered she'd closed the door somberly, and walked towards him, eyes fixed on the ground. Then she just stood there, quiet, eyes avoiding his, but he could feel the hate radiating from her.

He almost thought about inquiring her about that sour look. What reasons had she to be like that? It was worse for him, none of them could imagine just how much so. In his mind no one could be as tired, hurt, agonized as he was. That was what he thought.

Until he felt her punch his gut. Sango was pretty powerful, coming from a leader Taijyia clan, and being unannounced, that hurt like a bitch.

As he doubled over, and send a clawed hand to search for the wall and for the comfort of some balance when he couldn't get straight after that, her voice drifted in the air, cold but nervous.

“You almost made me lose my two best friends Inuyasha. She's dead, and you're almost killing yourself…” her watery eyes finally released the heavy hold they had on his beautiful floor and connected with his, ferocity in them like he had never seen before in Sango. “You better come back from this stupid quest.”

He lost the grip on the wall and stumbled forward. Two hands pulled him up, and crushed his aching body against hers. Before he knew how his claws were tangled in Sango's clothes, sobs tearing his insides apart, as he felt the rage ebbing away to leave only the melancholic pain of his crimes against his mate, his goddess, his everything.

And after they'd both collapsed to the floor, Sango crying with him, and soothing him as she coursed her way through his silvery hair, avoiding as always the ears, Inuyasha was able to lift golden eyes from the pit of dark misery where their light had fallen and promise her something he had every intent of fulfilling.

“Sango, I'll bring her back to us. I promise you” The fire in his eyes matched hers when she asked him to return alive, to return to them. ” I'll prove you she's not dead… And then I'll prove her …”

“Yasha…I…”

“No, it's okay. You are right, everyone was right when they warned me. I was so selfish about shallow superficial things, I couldn't even see what she meant to me…But I promise you, I'll change it, and she'll see I'm worth loving.”

Kagome would be back in his arms, and this time she'd not only be truly his, but she'd love him in return as she did before, aware that the love she felt was not a mistake. It was truthful and beautiful sitting in her heart, waiting for him to rescue its dignity.

Did I have to lose control to treasure your kiss
Did I need to place my heart in the palm of your hand
Before I could even start to understand
Â
It's only when I lose myself in someone else
That I find myself

Depeche Mode- Only when I lose myself

Chino.

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