InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Before The Fall: A Prologue of Sorts ❯ Kagome's Monologue ( Chapter 5 )

Disclaimer: I do not, have not, nor will I ever own Inuyasha & Co. (sad as that may be), that honor belongs to Rumiko Takahashi. Furthermore, I do profess that I am making no money from this, only getting hours of enjoyment.

The thing is I've always loved him.

Or at the very least been fascinated by him. Can't help it, something about him is just so…alluring. I know: he's kind of rude, lacking in social skills and curses like a drunken samurai but I still…

I remember when I first saw him. He was leaving the main office as I was going in, mainly a blur of red, black and white, hair streaming behind him like a banner. I wondered what his hurry was. Once inside the snooty receptionist warned my mother that a hanyou was enrolled in the university before ranting and raving about how far the standards had fallen. My mother responded that it indeed looked as though the standards had fallen since she had attended- the receptionist then had a much sweeter disposition.

The look on that pompous, old woman's face still tickles me.

As soon as I got into the dorms though, I realized that the idea of a hanyou was an affront to many. I didn't understand why -I thought it was all rather brave and romantic, loving who you love and all. Luckily, I was placed in a room with Sango, who felt that most of the people at the school were “complete asshats” and didn't look down on Inuyasha for being a hanyou. Not that I had even met him yet. That took place a week later, thanks to that addlepated, lecherous monk. Well, monk descendant; ironic in the least, since he fondled me on first meeting. Two hands smacked the back of his head as I yelped in surprise.

“Hands off my roommate, lech!”

“Don't touch her!” Sango's voice I knew but not this male's. Spinning, all I could focus on was a mass of snowy hair. Inuyasha. After glaring at Miroku, he looked at Sango in confusion. “You live with Kikyo now?”

“Please.” She huffed rolling her eyes. “That not Kikyo, that's my new roommate Kagome.”

He turned to me then and I swear I felt time slow down. His eyes were the most amazing shade I'd ever seen, the gilded color a sunset turns everything it touches. His face was handsome and somewhat young-looking despite its guarded appearance. Maybe it was due to a lingering softness to his cheeks or the slight plumpness of his mouth. Dark wings of eyebrows, arched in surprise, peeked from behind slightly shaggy bangs and perched atop his head were…ears. Pink shelled, furry backed ears. Before I could help it, I had stepped forward, stood on tip toe, and stroked one. He grabbed my wrist and froze in confusion as Sango gasped. He stared down at me, shocked as I was I believe, so I did the only thing I could think to do. I grinned and took a step back, out of his hold.

“They're soft.” I murmured, turning to leave before I began to babble. I do that when I'm nervous.

Sango later told me that Inuyasha was silent and unmoving for a full five minutes after that. I haven't seen him do it since.

He was nervous at first. Every time I came around, he'd glare at me with his arms crossed over his chest, firing off questions and insults. I lost my temper more than a few times but somehow that made him more comfortable with me. Weirdo. I have to admit that since then, he has been a good friend- despite his huge Kikyo shaped blind spot. Maybe that's why I fell for him in the first place. I knew it was stupid and he was completely sick over Kikyo plus it's totally weird since people think we look alike - I don't, by the way- but I couldn't help it. I didn't even know until it was too late.

We were in his room studying for a statistics midterm with Miroku and Sango. Sango had hauled off and hit Miroku - again - before storming out. He followed, pleading his case and muttering about being misunderstood. I just shook my head and smiled not bothering to look up. “Wonder when they'll get the hint…”

“Kagome?”

“Yeah?” When I finally looked up, he was staring at me. I hadn't seen that particular look from him before. It was intense. It made my stomach do a little flip. It was also disconcerting and I wanted him to stop. “What?”

“I was just wondering…do you think that people are meant to be?”

“Meant to be?”

“Yeah…even if it doesn't seem like it at first.” His voice was low and soft, his eyes unreadable. I felt him shift closer as he went on. “If you really love someone, shouldn't you do anything you can to make them happy?”

“Yes. You should.” He was so close, if I just leaned in…

“I think you're right. Kikyo…” It was like a bucket of cold water. No, it was like a punch in the gut. Cold water doesn't hurt. I felt myself jerk away from him and nodded at whatever he was saying, glad I couldn't hear him above the rushing blood in my ears. I forced the impending tears down with all my might but one or two slipped by me, welling in my eyes, dangerously close to falling. He stopped talking. “Kagome?”

“So did you get the solution to number fourteen?” I willed my voice to be light, I willed him to change the subject. He took the hint.

“Oh. I took all the numbers and…”

As I lay in bed that night, I closed my eyes and pressed my hands against my stomach. Never had I felt something like that, and only from a look. More disturbingly, I hadn't realized how badly I wanted him to kiss me until he didn't. Kikyo didn't deserve him. She was just toying with him for whatever reasons she had. She wasn't concerned with his happiness, didn't see how beautiful he was inside and out, didn't love him like I did. I instantly felt sick. Jealousy -and the guilt over said jealousy- mixed with the grim realization that I was in love with someone who was in love with someone else. It was a long time before sleep found me.

The next day, Miroku told me what he'd overheard days ago, that he was going to change to be with her.

I was pissed. Extremely. How dare she ask that of him? How could he even think of doing it? For her? For that crazy, cold, heartless woman who didn't even want him, just wanted to be wanted? Idiot! Stupid, stupid, stupid…I still get a little heated I guess. But, why? Inuyasha's demon side isn't bad; it's just a part of what makes him so special. Why can't either of them see that?

I don't know what happened after that, but I do know that the fighting got out of control. Whatever else he is, first and foremost, he's my friend. And I absolutely hate to see him upset. So I bit my tongue and did my best to support him, despite my low opinion of her. It did occur to me that as long as the drama with Kikyo dragged on, he'd never notice how I felt about him. I didn't know if that was more depressing or comforting. I guess it didn't really matter; I was never going to tell him. Then I got dragged to a bonfire.

That stupid party drew too many things way too close to the surface. I knew there was no way he failed to realize my secret, no matter how dense he can be. All I wanted to do was hide. So I did. I avoided him like the plague for three weeks. Then, on my way to my chemistry class, I overheard two girls gossiping.

“Can you believe it? Kikyo was dating that hanyou?”

“Ohmigod, I know! How insane is that? I heard he stalked her until she agreed to be with him.”

“I believe it. At least she came to her senses though and dumped him.”

“Yeah. My roommate's friend's girlfriend knows someone who was at the coffee shop last week when it happened. It was vicious. Apparently, she yelled at him so that everyone could hear and he cried like a baby, held on to her arm, and begged her not to go. What a loser.”

“I know. Way to slum it, Kikyo.”

I wanted to go over there and yell and scream and perhaps throw a few punches but more than that, I wanted to talk to Inuyasha. Quickly deciding that chemistry could wait, I made my way across campus and out toward the apartment buildings nearby. All I could do was worry about how he was doing and kick myself for not being around when he really needed me. Once Miroku buzzed me in, I was slightly surprised to find Sango there already, but I was not to be distracted. My worry swirled with anger that Miroku kept his condition from me and I forced myself to calm down before facing him. He didn't need the added burden of my emotions in his state. I wanted to break down and weep for him when I saw how much he was hurting. Instead, I decided to clean.

Unfortunately, my hormones are a little stronger than I expected and got the best of me. Not for long though. I even managed to keep my temper firmly in check when he started freaking out on me. Well, at first.

“No. No, I don't think that's it.” He chuckled darkly. “I think that you thought you were going to come over here and take care of me while I was down, then I'd magically see you as a replacement for her. Cause you love me, don't you Ka-go-me?”

I have never felt so humiliated in my life. He knew, he knew and he was mocking me with it. All I could do was wish the bed would open up and swallow me whole. I couldn't face his ridicule. Once he let up, I ran for the door with every intention of leaving and something stopped me.

I love him. I still do. Even now, at his most loathsome, I understand him and wish I could help. Humiliation has no place in my mind-set; hell, if I can be there for him with Kikyo, I can own up to how I feel. It needs to be said, even if it changes everything, even if it's the last words I say to him.

“You're right. I do love you.”

A/N: Don't worry, I won't leave it like that (again) for long. Promise. Thank you to all of those who are reading and reviewing, it makes me warm and squishy inside.