InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Bishies Without Shirts ❯ Old wounds revisited ( Chapter 13 )

Chapter 13: Old wounds revisited

Sesshomaru stood and held his breathe, fighting to regain the control he was dangerously close to loosing. It was as if time slowed down for him as the blood sang in his veins and thoughts of vengeance whirled through his mind. Finding the calm within the storm, he grabbed it and held onto it as if he was lost at sea and his life depended on it. So he never really heard the taunting words and insults his younger brother hurled at him. As a deadly calm settled over him he spoke. "You blame me, do you? For what? For stopping from bedding your woman? For stopping you from playing with yourself? For stopping you from ruining what you have here? For stopping you from making an ass out of yourself for the umpteenth time? This is what you blame me for? Or do you blame me for taking on the burden of raising you the way I was raised? I'm sorry Inuyasha, I have no idea what it's like to be petted and spoiled as a child. To be given everything I want because everyone is afraid of offending their Lord. And yes I know there was talk about you and you're being a hanyou and perhaps I failed in stopping it, but I too know what shame is Inuyasha. I know what it's like to be the son of the man who cast aside his wife for a lowly concubine, not only that but a concubine who was beneath him! A mere human! I know the shame my Haha-ue had to endure because of it. But I swallowed it and kept it inside Inuyasha….because you were my brother…. because I had no other brothers and because it pleased Chichi-ue for me to do so! So now you blame me…." He looked at his brother and watched him squirm as he tried to keep a hold on his defiance. "The only thing you can blame me for is not being able to be like Chichi-ue was to you. What I did, I did because I felt I had to. I could see the way you were treated would make you weak. So I did what Chichi-ue did to make me strong. I took you out and left you to fend for yourself. I survived and so did you, Brother." He shook his head sadly and went on, "Then you nearly went and ended it all there in yet another foolish attempt at taking what you wanted without regard for others. Taking without thinking! That's what you're the best at, isn't it? You think you know my wants, my desires, Brother!" He turned and faced the door. "How long have you been standing there eavesdropping Wench?"

"Gomen, Sesshomaru…I heard most of it. You were making noise again and…so I got up to go to the bathroom and I …I just wanted to apologize for you know…before." She tried to look him in the eye but was too embarrassed at her earlier behavior to do so.

He sighed and went on, "Well, do you think you know my wants and desires too? Do you know I gave up the love of a good woman to watch over you Inuyasha? Do you know she asked me to choose between you Brother and her and when I told her I couldn't, that I wanted both….she left me? Left me alone when I was barely a man with a child to raise that wasn't even mine? When I needed her help….when I desired the comfort of her arms…I had nothing. No help-mate, no lover to warm my bed…no nothing but a worthless brother who thinks only of himself and is so full of self pity that he can't even be bothered to think what consequences his actions might have on others? Want to know why I wanted that damned sword Inuyasha? I know you are dying of curiosity about it! Why? Why; because I needed it at the time for revenge…Inuyasha! Revenge on those who took advantage of Chichi-ue's death to take from me what was mine! Revenge on those who forced your ofukuro to follow him in death so that I was left with you! Revenge on circumstances that left me with nothing because most of what I valued was gone! Revenge on Chichi-ue who foolishly gave you something you're not worthy of! I know differently about most things now, Inuyasha and believe me I could have blamed you for everything…and for a time I did." He sighed and looked away as he frowned. He struggled to keep a tight rein on his emotions as he paused to collect himself and bury the hurt once more.

Inuyasha started to say something but Kagome put out a hand on his arm and shook her head to stop him. He was angry and he wanted to lash out at something too to ease his pain so he turned on her. "Please," she mouthed silently to him. "Please let him finish."

"Inuyasha if I failed you I'm sorry, I did the best I could. I fought off those who would see you dead even if you never knew about it and all it got me was nothing in return but your contempt and scorn. Hate me if you must; I've been hated before and no doubt will be hated again, and it truly doesn't bother me in the least. But I am beginning to realize things about you and now I think I can see the wisdom in a few of the things Chichi-ue did…and left unsaid to our misfortune." He closed his eyes and pinched the spot on top of his nose between them. "You know your attitude tonight …it …it…" He struggled to find the words. "It is a more grievous wound than the loss of my arm. I don't why it should be that way as according to you I am cold and unfeeling and wait what was it you said? That's it; I am a cold heartless bastard, so why should I be bothered by the words of some mongrel whelp? You know I find I am sicken by your presence. Since this is your wench's room, I leave it to you two to enjoy it without me. Do what you will Inuyasha since you are determined to so anyway." He looked from one to the other and left, walking quietly between them as he headed for the stairs and the freedom they pointed him to.

As Inuyasha stood there sulking before he cried, "You can't run away from the truth Sesshomaru! No matter how much it hurts to hear it! We're not through here Sesshomaru!" While Kagome tried to get him to stop before something was started that they both would regret, they heard the soft click of the front door as it opened followed by its twin as it closed.

At the sound Inuyasha seemed to change his mind about following and he ran to the window as if he were about to shout something else at his brother, but instead he stood there watching the silent figure as it walked brooding in the moonlight.

"Where the hell does he think he's going? Kagome he can't do this to me! He can't lay all that bullshit on me and expect me to forgive him as if it never happened. Besides I'm sure he's making half that stuff up! He never once gave a rat's ass about me and we both know it! I could have died out there numerous times and where was he when I needed him? No where in sight! That's where! Stupid shit!" That was followed by more wordless swearing as he cursed himself for walking into the corner of Kagome's desk and catching a toe.

"Ssshhh! Please my family's trying to sleep here. Besides I thought a big strong guy like you wouldn't be bother by something as simple as stubbed toe. Anyways Inuyasha what ever possessed you to go and hurt his feelings like that?"

"What are you talking about Woman? Why is it you always take everyone else's side? First Shippo, then Miroku, then Kouga, and now my stupid brother?" he said as he ticked the names off on his fingers. "I thought I was the one who was special to you?! You know you sure have a strange way of showing it!"

"Inuyasha…please lower your voice, I don't want to have to explain why I'm here again, stuffed into one of Sota's shirts, while Sesshomaru is out prowling the yard. Listen to me…" She grabbed his shoulders and looked him directly in the eye as much as she could for Inuyasha wanted to look away. "You're right he could have done better for you but he didn't and he as much as admitted it to you, but it doesn't change the fact that it was done good or bad and no one can change that. So get over it! I for one am glad things turned out like this, I mean I love this Inuyasha," she teased. "Not the one you might have been if Sesshomaru was more responsible. But he's not your father either and you shouldn't expect him to be. That's what I learned from my mother after my father died. You know she had to go back to work to support us, so we would have food to eat and a place to live. I had to be both parents to Sota too, so I know where your brother's coming from, and believe me it wasn't easy. All I can say is I'm glad she had Jii-chan to turn to or I might be just like Sesshomaru! He's sorry Inuyasha, sorry for that and for a lot of things. And I'm so tired I don't think I'm making any sense any more. All I know is I'm dying to go to sleep but now I need to find some pants so I can get your brother back inside before someone sees him. I don't feel like explaining why we have a tall long white haired guy wandering around the shrine covered in chicken pox! And did I mention he has one arm too? " She glared at him, tears of frustration in her eyes.

The tears got him like they always did. "Stay here, Kagome. I'll go get him."