InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Bishies Without Shirts ❯ You can't hate me, I hate me! ( Chapter 14 )

Chapter 14 : You can't hate me, I hate me!

Inuyasha hopped onto the windowsill, his muscles tensing as he crouched down, preparing to jump. Before he did, however, he looked back over his shoulder at Kagome, who was watching him intently and looking absolutely mouth-watering, as she was practically bursting out of that skimpy t-shirt.

"Unless you'd rather do what Sesshoumaru suggested?" he whispered hopefully,

"Osuwari, koibito." she sighed reluctantly. The last thing she saw was the hurt and bewildered expression on his beautiful face as he fell out the window.

Minutes later, Inuyasha managed to untangle himself from the bush he had landed face-first into and took off down the lawn after Sesshoumaru.

"Sesshoumaru." Inuyasha said, walking up behind his older brother. Sesshoumaru didn't stop or give any other indication that he had heard Inuyasha, he just kept walking.

"Dammit, come back here!" Inuyasha cursed, breaking into a run. When he was even with Sesshoumaru, he slowed his pace and walked beside him, neither looking at the other as they walked briskly through the moonlight. As Sesshoumaru appeared to have no desire to continue their conversation, it was Inuyasha who finally broke the silence.

"You are so unfair." he said quietly. "You've been doing shit like this to me my whole life. Worthless, stupid, selfish! All these things and more I've been hearing from you since the day I our father died and you were free to tell the whole world what you really thought of Chichi-ue's hanyou bastard. And you're probably right…" Inuyasha laughed bitterly. "But if you're not happy with who I am or what I've become, then you only have yourself to blame, and you know it. You drop me off in the woods as a koinu, expect me to raise myself and then you criticize me for acting like a wild animal. Look at me, Sesshoumaru. I AM a wild animal! You say you left me out there so that I would grow strong? Well, I am strong, VERY strong, a fact you must be all too aware of whenever you enter a situation where two arms would come in handy." Inuyasha waited for Sesshoumaru to take the bait and bite his head off. He found the cold silence he was met with infinitely more disturbing, so he ventured on in a desperate attempt to fill it. "But you can't have it both ways, Sesshoumaru. Something had to give. What did you expect? That somehow out in the wild I'd learn good graces and table manners? I can't even READ, for crying out loud! If I hadn't learned to use chopsticks by the time I was two, I'd be sitting at Higurashi-san's dinner table licking the food off my bare hands! God damn it, I learned about mating by watching wild PIGS rut! Kagome's one lucky girl, what a catch!" he quipped bitterly, almost choking on his own self-contempt. "And then you act like I'm some big fucking disappointment because I don't know how to act like a civilized person. All that time I was hiding in dead tree stumps and living off stinking carrion, and I never realized that I was supposed to be building myself up into a respectable nobleman." He looked expectantly at Sesshoumaru, waiting for a response of any kind. A grunt or an insult would have sufficed, but he received nothing for his efforts. Desperately, he launched into another diatribe.

"Ok, so maybe it was my fault that you lost your arm, but don't forget that you were trying to kill Kagome, and in case you hadn't already guessed, she's very important to me. Maybe I don't understand you or what your life's been like, but that might have something to do with the fact that we've never talked for more than three seconds without trying to kill one another! And you can deny it all you want, but you don't understand me, either. You have no idea what I've been through. You may have been left to wander as a pup, too, but you were a youkai! No one would have dared touch you, knowing you were the first born son and heir of Chichi-ue. What was I but a bastard half-breed, cast off after Chichi-ue was killed, without so much as the threat of his name to protect me! And by that point, everyone knew that you didn't care whether I lived or died, so I was an easy target for anyone who had hated him or wanted revenge against his family! I faced death every single day, I still do! Let's see, is there anything else you've thrown in my face tonight that I've forgotten to mention? Ah yes, you say I take without asking! Well, what else do I know? If you need something in the wild, you take it! It's not like you can walk up to your prey and ask 'Can I please kill you and eat you now?' And not that it's any of your business," he muttered, "But I wasn't about to take Kagome without asking, either. Things are different here. I don't have to ask Higurashi-san's permission to bed her daughter, it's Kagome's choice, and she was allowing it. But thank you so much for making it appear to her mother that I was trying to take the girl by force, I'm sure that will ingratiate me in Higurashi-san's heart and mind. Who doesn't want a rapist for a son-in-law? You probably did more damage to my reputation in this household with that one little sentence than if she'd caught us in bed together! Why do you always have to treat me like I'm a simple-minded ass? You can believe what you want, but I know when I've got a good thing going, and trust me, I was doing fine here until you showed up! I don't destroy everything I come in contact with, no matter what you say! As for the Shikon no tama…" he trailed off with a gruff sigh. He didn't want to start down that path again, the wounds were still too raw. He looked back over his shoulder at the shrine house, completely dark save for the one window that shimmered like a beacon calling him home. His face was hot and his stomach hurt, and all he wanted to do was to crawl back to Kagome's bedroom and sleep in her arms, letting her delicate scent wash over him until he sank into oblivion. But even these sweet thoughts turned toxic, as he was reminded of Sesshoumaru's admission that he had lost his female, and that he, Inuyasha, was to blame.

"As for the Shikon no tama…" Sesshoumaru breathed, so softly that even with his superior hearing Inuyasha almost missed it. It was no use. It seemed that Sesshoumaru wasn't about to let him ignore the more distasteful truths about his past; he was going to have to explain himself, whether he wanted to or not. Tonight was to be a night of confessions.

"That was a mess." Inuyasha sighed painfully. "I'm still paying for it." It was a several minutes before Inuyasha felt inclined to speak again, but once he got started, he didn't intend to stop until it was all out. "I got lonely." he admitted. "I had built this little world around myself to keep out all those who would try to hurt me, because everyone I had come to trust in my life had either betrayed or abandoned me," unable to help himself, he shot Sesshoumaru a pointed look that he wasn't even certain the youkai had seen, as Sesshoumaru continued to stare straight ahead, as if he were walking alone. Wondering why he even bothered, Inuyasha continued. "and then one day I realized that I was the only person living inside of it. So when I heard rumors of a miko who possessed a jewel capable of enhancing a youkai's powers…"

"You wanted that power for yourself." Sesshoumaru whispered.

"What? NO! Not exactly. I figured… I figured if the Shikon no tama could make a normal youkai stronger, then maybe it could transform a hanyou into a normal youkai. And then…" Inuyasha said, struggling. He couldn't understand why it was suddenly getting very difficult to breath. "I'd be able to… to go home…and…"

"…and…?"

"And you wouldn't chase me away this time. Cause I wouldn't be some half-breed freak anymore. And then maybe… KEH! Forget it. Let's just say it didn't work out that way. I met someone else, I let down my guard and in return, I got pinned to a tree for half a century. My life, as miserable as it already was, was totally destroyed. And I don't blame anyone for that but myself, not her…not even you." Inuyasha finished, exhausted and a bit apprehensive. He had just revealed his fears, his weaknesses and the most sordid details of his life to a man he considered to be one of his greatest enemies. After a few seconds of complete silence, Sesshoumaru came to a halt. He turned and looked at Inuyasha for the first time since the hanyou had started following him.

"Are you finished?" he said quietly.

"Yeah." Inuyasha said, a little stunned that he'd finally gotten a response.

"Do you feel better?" Sesshoumaru said, his voice flat and emotionless.

"No." Inuyasha said, swallowing. The youkai turned his back to the boy and started to walk away again.

"Then why are you wasting my time Inuyasha?" he spoke into the night air.

"That's all I am to you, isn't it?" Inuyasha said quietly. He was speaking to himself, but he knew that the wind would carry his message to Sesshoumaru's sensitive ears. "I'm a waste of your time, onii-san." Sesshoumaru froze, but he didn't turn around.

"What did you call me?" he demanded softly.

"Nothing." Inuyasha responded in kind. "I'm going back to Kagome. You should come, too. You don't smell healthy yet and you'll attract predators if you go back now. Plus if anyone sees you out here, Higurashi-sama's going to be put in an awkward position, and I don't think you want to put her through that after all she's done for us."

Sesshoumaru stood silently for a moment, weighing his decision carefully.

"Will you behave yourself for the remainder of our stay?" he said finally. "I won't be able to rest properly if I have to keep pulling you off Higurashi-san's daughter every time you feel… restless."

"Her name," Inuyasha said gently but firmly, "is Kagome. Ka-go-me. She's not a bitch, or a wench, she's not even the Higurashi girl, or Higurashi-san's daughter. She likes to be called her by name. If you have any respect for me at all brother, then you will call her Kagome."

"And if you have any respect for yourself," Sesshoumaru answered, "then you'll behave appropriately toward her for the remainder of our stay." Inuyasha smirked at his older brother.

"That won't be easy." he said.

"Neither is living with you, but we'll just have to manage." He couldn't be sure, but Inuyasha thought he saw a tiny smile on Sesshoumaru's face before he passed him by on his way back to the shrine house.