InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Blood of the Tainted ❯ Searching ( Chapter 1 )

Inuyasha's mind is kind of scrambled, his thoughts going all different directions. A lot of Time I read stories like this, only they have Inuyasha and Kouga questioning themselves and Their own thoughts

 

“Wait, did I just think that?” Of course you did idiot. No, someone whispered it in your ear. I for one believe that if Inuyasha and Kouga become attracted to each other it would be a subtle change and they wouldn't even notice it. You don't here Inuyasha questioning his feelings for Kagome and Kikyou do you? No, he keeps them all locked up inside.

 

Also, it's an unpopular idea that when a vampire bites than the mixture of the saliva and blood, if it's not a vampire whose saliva turns a person, from the wound causes an attraction. So I thought, an excited demon's saliva in an open wound causes an attraction to arise, sure would make it easier for those demons who kidnap women right?

 

Yeah, yeah, just read.

 

Disclaimer: This is a fan fiction; any characters, incidents, places, or events are either a product of this author's imagination or borrowed from an anime, manga, or movie to be used fictitiously without any intent to describe their natural conduct.

 

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

I could feel it, the change. It always hurt less changing back, like a rush of warmth, strength returning to me. When I become human it felt like a part of me was being ripped out, taken from me and leaving me vulnerable. It wasn't hard to decide that I never wanted to be human, and the only way to stop these monthly changes was to become a full demon.

 

Still, when I'm with Kagome and the others, it didn't hurt so much, the loss of my demonic powers dulled by their presence, humans who could protect themselves, who could protect me. It made me feel, not only safe, but strong as well. Like my powers weren't completely gone, I could still fight and hold my own, even if I was human.

 

I had almost felt comfortable, even with the wolf there I wasn't particularly dreading the night ahead, when the moon would rise, unseen, in the sky. But I was only fooling myself. All those thoughts, those hopes, the delusion that I might still be strong even though my demon blood could never help me; all was swiped away when Kouga overpowered me.

 

Had I had my demon blood I would have caught the scent of the demon Kouga claimed to have been fighting, would have know that it was a lie. That the only scent I would find was his, but I was human and weak. My walls, my protection, the hatred and suspicion I had for all that surrounded me, when had they softened? I know not too long ago I wouldn't have believed him, that I would have thought he was only getting rid of them. He was a wolf demon; he wouldn't have come crawling back to us for those little injuries. But Kagome's trust in him had somehow affected me as well. Like it was some contagious disease for which there was no cure, except betrayal, and even then would I falter?

 

If he came back now, while I'm tied up, restrained by the bandage he fastened, injured and worried. Would I help him? Even after everything he just did to me, would I try and protect him, weak as I am. Most likely, I can always blame it on the fact that whatever was attacking him would come after me next.

 

I can taste it now, small traces on the edge of my lips, and I curse myself for spitting it out, even while I question why its taste suddenly changed? I want to ponder that, but my ears, now back to the way they should be, pick up on sounds, footfalls, not far from here, and voices. I breath in their scents, not knowing weather I should be happy or upset that the others found me. What would they say if the saw me here? Restrained and half dressed, blood coating my body.

 

I don't have much time to wonder as the fox comes bounding through the brush, shifting the tied down tree branches and sending the morning sunlight directly into my eyes. I groan, like I'm just waking up and in much pain. It feels like it, though the wounds are healing and the pain is fading.

 

Shippo stares at me in horror for a moment, before screaming that he found me, and calling out to Miroku and Sango so come quickly. Damn brat's cry hurt my ears, I already have an awful headache, and woozy from the loss of blood that wont be fully replenished for another day.

 

Miroku comes in first, like Shippo he stares at me with shock and disgust in his eyes. I don't need to look at myself to know what picture I make, torn cloths and bound wrist, blood coating my body, my lips sore, probably red and puffy from Kouga's brutal kisses. I know what he's thinking, but nothing like that happened. Kouga's not like that. I tasted excitement in his blood, but honestly without my sense of smell I couldn't really tell if he was aroused. I believe he just wanted to see me bleed.

 

I wanted to close my eyes and go back to sleep, just a few more hours, until the pain from the light goes away. Sango just came in to the small hideout, moving the branches aside so more light could shine in. Damn it, don't they know I have sensitive eyes?!

 

Shippo seems the most considerate, coming up behind me rather than just staring at me, tugging at the difficult knot that kept the scrap of fabric around my wrist. The cloth falls loose and I here him gasp, gently, hesitantly touching my left wrist, the one Kouga bit into.

 

Shifting I try to sit up, Miroku makes a sound but I see he's too stunned to move. Bringing the offended hand close I get a better look. The scent of Kouga's saliva reach my nose as blood oozed out of the lacerations and drip down onto the forest floor, staining the soft grass beneath me with tiny scarlet droplets. I look at Shippo who sniffed at it as well, gazing at me with wide emerald eyes. I know he knows who did this, but he's not saying anything, probably to save me from embarrassment, or hold it over my head later. Maybe, he's just waiting for me to say something first.

 

I wipe away the blood, really wanting to wipe Kouga's scent from it but if only Shippo and Kirara could smell it, and neither one of them were talking, it's not really necessary. I hate to admit it, but Kouga's scent mingling with mine smells…appealing. Though I'd rather it be blood than saliva.

 

The wounds were already healing, the deep claw marks closing up rapidly, but the bites were taking longer. The large crescent moon shaped incisions dribbling crimson liquid to blotch more of the green grass claret. I turn my gaze down to the blemishes, watching as each grew just a little bigger with each droplet.

 

There was a shuffle of clothing and I feel Miroku's presence beside me. I don't turn, continuing to watch until all the tiny dots become one large stain. I don't know when Miroku put the cloth back over the wound, only that the droplets stopped and I didn't want them to.

 

It was a childish irritation, upset that the monk had interfered, but I wanted to continue watching myself bleed. There was a tug at my arm and I knew Miroku wanted me to stand, so I did, and my legs wobbled a bit. My gaze is unfocused, the trees pass us by in a slow blur, the kind that make you dizzy. The crunch of grass beneath our feet is all I hear, not even my own breathing raises above the silence, as though the whole forest has gone into shock…or maybe it's just me.

 

I feel Shippo's soft weight being lifted off my shoulders and I turn, growling at Sango for taking him. She looks startled, a clear image of her focusing in my head, though I'm not sure whether I'm really seeing her or if my memory has simply filled in the blanks, blocking out the blurred colors. Yanking my arm away from Miroku I grab the fox child from her, holding him close and stomping off ahead, no idea which direction I'm going, but I keep walking, Shippo not making so much as a small whimper in my arms.

 

Miroku catches me, and I hear him asking me what happened, why I'm here, who did this?

 

I should just tell them the whole thing. Kouga tricked them, attacked Shippo, carried me off, made me bleed for his own pleasure! Would he have raped me like they think he did? No, they don't even think he did it; Shippo is the only one who knows. I see it, their angry looks, and the hurt that they couldn't be there to help me. They would tear apart whoever did this, I know they would, but I don't want that. I can't stand the thought of him dieing, not by their hands. I don't know why, but I want to shred him myself, all alone with no one around to stop me or him. To smell our blood mixed together, hanyou and youkai, wolf and dog. The image of us tumbling, fighting to the death, opening up shallow and deep claw marks to taste the blood that flows from both minor and deadly wounds.

 

Shaking my head I walk on, pain erupting through me with every step, but I don't let it show. Miroku and Sango follow, just a few steps behind, than beside, than ahead of me, leading me. I go after them, allowing myself to be guided, turning around rather than pointing me in the right direction. Slowly correcting my error instead of telling me I'm wrong. Something they've never done before. I must really look terrible if they won't even correct me.

 

Shippo climbed up, perched atom my shoulder, and I feel comfortable with him there, someone who I don't have to explain things to. There was just one question I knew he'd ask. You could smell the small hideout and tell it didn't happen, but he still wanted to know. I would too, if I wasn't the one being questioned

 

“He didn't…uh…”

 

“No.” I whisper, a breath really. A small fragment of denial meant for him alone, because only he knew who had assaulted me.

 

I saw Miroku stiffen, looking back on us, aware that we were having a conversation and hurt that he wasn't included.

 

It wasn't what I'd imagined they'd do. I figured they would yell at me, demand I tell them something, but I suppose my own behavior threw them off. After all, shouldn't I be denying everything, cursing whoever did this and saying I'll kill them? I really should, but I don't feel like it. When I think of vowing my vengeance on Kouga, all my energy just goes away, and I feel week, lightheaded and as vulnerable as I was last night.

 

What would Kagome say? The thought just popped into my head. Probably blame me for going off to look for Naraku without her instead of spending my human night in Kaede's village, or blame herself for not being there, or both, she has terrible mood swings. If my will to argue returned at all before she came back I'm sure I'll be sat for something I said.

 

Are we going back to the village or are we heading back to camp? The gang doesn't know where Kouga is, would they leave him? Should we all wait?

 

Wait for what? I wonder. Kouga left, he wouldn't dare show himself now, I have no doubt I'd tear him apart. Accusing him right in front of everybody. Than Miroku and Sango would want to kill him and I won't let them. I want him for myself.

 

I stumbled, I don't know on what, only that I see myself falling now, wondering why the ground is getting closer. I don't even know I'm falling damn it! It's like everything is happening and I'm watching at a distance. I don't even get a last though before I hit the ground, unwilling to get back up. I'm nothing but some doll, moving all on my own.

 

Darkness comes in, but my mind is blank. My mind is never blank, I'm always thinking about something, always worrying or accusing. Never do I have a moment's peace in my own mind. So why now?

 

~*~

 

I awoke to hear Kagome crying, like always I guess. She must have been worried. I hear her little insults, calling me stupid and such, that's normal, so everything's okay. I tell her to shut up, and hear her gasp. She's in my vision now, her tearstained eyes gazing into my own. I tell her to quit balling, as usual; I know it'll get her to stop crying. Get her angry, get her upset, and she'll cheer up, even if it causes me pain I would rather see her screaming than crying. And I see that now. She starts yelling, saying how worried she was and how inconsiderate I am.

 

That's not true, I care a lot about her and her feelings, that's why I always make her mad, but I don't tell her this. She wouldn't understand, she would look at me like I'm stupid. She calls me a jerk and I think she's about to subdue me, closing my eyes I wait for the painful pull of my body to the floor, but it doesn't come. Instead I feel her body, warm and soft, clinging to mine.

 

Allowing myself a small smile I softly touch her shoulder, and she backs off, wiping her eyes. I don't blush, and I wonder about that. I wasn't embarrassed in the least, but I know she is, I see it in the way she turns from me. Sitting up I bring my throbbing wrist into view, there's a new fresh bandage covering it, cream colored, with a small distant red stain seeping through, and I know that, though the bleedings slowed, it's not healed yet.

 

Miroku and Sango walk in with Kaede who kneels beside me and checks my wrist, there's a bandage on my head, and I wonder why, than I remember being punched by Kouga, slamming into the ground. Could I have hit my head? That would explain my strange behavior. But than, if I know I'm behaving wrong, why don't I change that.

 

How would I go about returning to my former self, how would I act in this situation if things were different? With a sigh I shake my head; I've never been in this situation before thankfully. I have no idea how to act.

 

Shippo's beside me now, staring up at me pleadingly. I know he wants to tell them. To cry to them and say how Kouga had hit him, but he doesn't. He waits for me.

 

I tell them, beginning with after they left, when Kouga and I were alone. The demon that attacked Kouga came after us, knocking Shippo aside he came for me, being the human, and Kouga tried to stop him but couldn't. He grabbed me, knocking Kouga away.

 

I pause, looking into Shippo's wide green eyes, he nods, seeing the pleading look I give him. It was one thing for him to tease me, another thing entirely to betray my trust and humiliate me by telling the whole story.

 

The pause was just long enough, the hurt look in my eyes just convincing enough. They let it slide, accepting that what happened next was too traumatizing. I see Kagome crying, and know what she's thinking, what their all thinking. Honestly, I still had my pants on! Could they be that gullible?

 

No matter, I tell them that Kouga found us, started attacking the demon and led him away, coming back when he thought he lost him. He tried to bandage me up, wrapping my wrist with a piece of my haori, but the demon came back for me and he and Kouga disappeared into the forest. I tried to go after them, but I couldn't, I was to week, and I waited for Kouga to return, scared that it might be the demon instead. Soon I passed out, and than I woke up to them.

 

I said I had no knowledge of the trip back here, didn't remember the hideout or what happened, though of course I did. Denying it just helped to solidify my story. Miroku had some perverted theory that the demon was after Kouga but decided on me instead, and amazingly everybody agreed. I didn't see any sign that Shippo wanted to tell them the truth, he actually seamed glad that I lied.

 

Than Kagome talked about searching for Kouga…

 

I almost collapsed, returning for a moment to my old self, wanting to shout and complain and just refuse to go help him, but that would draw question to my tale. After all, why wouldn't I want to help him, he saved me right? And the truth was, with them looking, I didn't have to make up any excuses to go find him. So we agreed, we'd set our hunt for Naraku aside for now, intent of searching for the lost ookami.

 

~*~

 

The need grew over time, two weeks have passed since that day and every passing moment it builds within me. Like a weight is added to my chest, more and more, until I break. Shippo walks with me, sleeps with me, gives excuses when the others ask after me, but there's only so much he can do.

 

I almost killed Kagome; she had wandered to close during one of my fits, my need becoming too strong to ignore. Any blood would do. Luckily Shippo distracted my attack, sending his large top at me, making it look as though I had just knocked out a stray toy. He apologized to Kagome, saying he was practicing and it got out of hand, earning him a pat on the head and a grateful smile for me. We should have worked together long ago, maybe than I would have had Kagome and been content. Now I find I no longer get that feeling whenever she's near.

 

She tries to comfort me, but I know she's giving up. I'm not the same person she cared for. We're drifting further apart, but nobody seams to mind. It's not heartbreaking, just a tragedy that causes change. I should have known something like this would happen, that I couldn't live happily with her, but I let myself hope.

 

Strange how that heartache isn't here like it was with Kikyou. Kagome and I both accept it now. It's nothing we can change. And every day the hunger grows. I need it; thirst for it; ever since that first sunrise when I had tasted the sweat elixir on the edge of my mouth. I've searched for it, for the one who had given me the taste. I've tried from others, shredding demons with my claws rather than my sword, just so I could relish the taste later, when the others were nowhere around.

 

It wasn't the same...

 

There was a difference between the wolfs blood, freely given and spiked with the scent of his excitement, and the bland crimson liquid that coated my claws at the end of a battle. No life, no warmth or excitement to entice me.

 

I wanted Kouga! And it seamed a different need grew within my, not just for the blood, but for what had been promised that night. His kiss, far more passionate and possessive than what I got from Kagome and Kikyou, I wanted that, and something more, something that I didn't want to figure out yet. Because than I would loose it, chase him up and down the country, doing anything to stop the insatiable hunger within me. So I've searched for him, for what he could give me, what I could give him.

 

I knew he hungered for me as well, that sorrowful look he gave me before he left, satisfied yet dissatisfied with my human blood, as I often am.

 

I want him, need him. But he refuses to show himself. He knew, that promising kiss, damn it he knew I would want him! Why doesn't he come to me?! That's it; I'm not searching any longer. If he thirsts for me like I do for him than he can search. He never had any problems finding us before, why can't he now?

 

Kagome and the others have long since given up, believing him to be dead. They look at me with pity now, whenever I run off at the slightest whiff of wolf, but Shippo knows, he shakes his head and makes some smart remark, but I ignore it. He's helping. I know this because he tells me always. How is he so accepting of this? Doesn't he want me with Kagome? Doesn't it bother him that he's constantly lying to them?

 

I'm tired. Tomorrow I'll continue searching, maybe I should just head back to camp, settle down for the night. No, I decide. I'll rest here. I need some time away from them anyway. It's becoming too dangerous, by thirst too unbearable. I could wake up, completely out of my mind, and not even Shippo and his submissive attitude towards me could help them.

 

I perched myself on a thick tree branch, cautious of its ability to hold my weight, and resigned myself to another restless sleep.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Okay, so the first chapter in my three chapter short story is now complete. Kouga will come in during the next chapter and help our poor little hanyou out. I must tell you that there will NOT be any sexual content until the third part of my series Blood that Binds.

 

Hope you enjoyed it, and sorry if it got confusing. This is my first, first person in present tense. So yeah…I'm still struggling.