InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Blood of the Tainted ❯ Frightened ( Chapter 2 )

“Inuyasha?” Shippo's soft quavering voice reaches through the hazy dreams that have clogged my mind the whole night. Opening my eyes I stare at the small kit sitting atop my chest, his little claws digging into the red fabric.

 

“What do you want?” I ask, screwing my eyes shut as the unyielding urge to kill washes over me yet again. The Tessaiga pulses at my hip, preventing my youkai blood from overshadowing me, but the terrible emptiness, the hunger, still drills deeper into my soul. Soon I won't need my youkai blood to make me loose control. I'll kill them all on my own.

 

“He's back.”

 

It was like lightning had just struck me, the words echoing in my mind like the sound of thunder. I can't feel my body; I've lost control of my senses. I'm back there, at that clearing on that night. He's on top of me, clawing into me, tearing scream after agonized scream from my abused lips.

 

“Inuyasha? Inuyasha?!” Shippo look up at me worriedly.

 

I must have been silent for a long time, probably looking shocked or dazed. That little rush of fear just then, it's strange. I thought I wanted to find him; I wanted to make him pay. Make him feel the same pain, the humiliation…but then why am I hesitating?

 

I remember, before this happened, before he betrayed what little trust I had given him, If my enemy was near I wouldn't be wasting time like this. I would have bolted out of this tree with no heed to Shippo's care, letting him tumble down to the forest floor. It's not that high up and he wouldn't be that hurt, just a bump.

 

I would have raced across the forest canopy to the campsite, muttering threats and curses all the way there. I would have drawn my sword and faced him, probably lying down next to the campfire making advances on Kagome while she casually brushed him off with sweet smiles and kind words, fussing over him and asking how he's doing. Miroku and Sango would be wanting to know what happened, who he got away from the demon, what took him so long to return to them.

 

The thought of Kouga there, of him looking up at me, of those deep blue eyes darkening when they locked with mine, sends electricity through my blood. Tessaiga pulsates on my hip, trying to quiet the insatiable hunger that rages through me.

 

I realize now what's wrong, why I'm hesitating. I'm scared… I'm frightened of what would happen should I face him.

 

The promise he gave me that night, communicated through the insistent craving tasted upon his lips, he won't be able to resist trying for me again, but will it be the last? Will he satisfy both our needs and leave me be. Should I allow it? Do I go on, travel with the group, like nothing happened?

 

Or will he continue to deny me? Will he let me go on until I can't control myself any longer and kill him? Then I would have to admit to the others our deceit, my fear, my shame. I would have to tell them that yes, Kouga was the one that attacked me. There was no other demon, no rapist, only the bloodlust of a wolf, and the equally voracious desire that is my own.

 

Gingerly I pick Shippo up, unable to control the trembling in my hands as I jump down and hesitantly walk back to camp. I have to face him. I have to stop these craving. If not I might turn on them all. But I'm scared. Terrified of what might happen, of what scene I'll walk into when I return.

 

I've changed. I accept that, but how much? I want to ask Shippo, but I can't seem to form the right words in my mouth. Am I different to you? Did I change too much? Is this bad?

 

I don't know what to do, I've never been so unsure. With everything in my life there had always been obvious choices. Demons attacking kill them. People hurting you, hurt them back. Your friends in trouble save them. It doesn't really matter how or what might come of it, just do it, but here there's too many questions, too many outcomes, too many decisions that could be made, and few of them my own.

 

I can smell him, he scent's so wonderful I just want to shred him to pieces, let his blood run over me in rivers until the hunger goes away, until the emptiness is filled. The glow of the campfire filters through the low hanging branches and thick bushes, trying desperately to reach me through the hundreds of leaves blocking their way.

 

Shippo whimpers in my arms, did Kagome know he left for me? She wouldn't send him off; she's too protective to do that. I want to hear what their talking about, I want to know what he's telling them, his reaction to my tale. I want to hear their questions, weather Kagome is fussing over him or if she's worried about Shippo and me.

 

All I can here is this strange pounding in my ears, like my heart had suddenly leaped up, completely bypassing my throat and jammed itself between my ears. I feel like crying, and I don't know why. I just want it to end…