InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Chou Shoki I: Learning from Yesterday ❯ Chapter 30 ( Chapter 29 )

We are all selfish and I no more trust myself than others with a good motive.

-Lord Byron

 

 

CHAPTER 30

 

“Dear Kami,” he gasped. “Kagome.”

 

She was curled up into a ball, her arms wrapped around her bent legs so tightly it looked as if she were about to shatter. Her head was bent down, her eye sockets resting on her knees, and her entire body was shaking with fast intense tremors. Sesshoumaru's blood ran to ice. He'd never seen someone shake like that.

 

“Kagome?” he said again, setting himself in front of her as he moved closer. He couldn't tell if she could hear him. She seemed to have retreated into herself, desperate to escape something. Even her aura seemed to have disappeared. Was it the storm? Sesshoumaru knew that most people didn't thrive on electrical storms as he did, being he'd never heard of someone being reduced to this. She looked as if she'd break into a million brittle pieces if he so much as touched her.

 

Thunder shook the cave, and her body flinched with such torment that Sesshoumaru felt it in his gut. “Oh, Kagome,” he whispered. It broke his heart to see her thus. With a careful and steady hand, he reached out to her. He still wasn't sure if she'd even registered his presence; startling her could set off her spiritual powers.

 

Gently he set his hand on her upper arm and gave it the tiniest of squeezes. “I'm here Kagome,” he murmured. “Everything will be all right.”

 

Lightning tore through the night, flashing the cave with a sharp burst of light, and she squeezed herself into an even tighter ball, if that was possible. It occurred to him that she was trying to shield her eyes by keeping her face to her knees. He moved closer and took one of her hand in his. Her skin was like ice, her fingers stiff from terror. It was difficult to pry her arm from around her legs, but eventually he was able to bring her hand to his mouth, and he pressed his lips against her skin, trying to warm her.

 

“I'm here, Kagome,” he repeated, not really sure what else to say. “I'm here. It will be all right.”

 

Eventually he managed to scoot himself closer in front of her so that she was sitting in between his legs on the floor, with his arms around her trembling form. She seemed to relax slightly at his touch, which left him with the oddest feeling - almost a sense of pride that he had been the one to be able to help her. That, and a bone-deep feeling of relief, because it was killing him to see her in such torment. He noticed she was still shivering so he took off his haori and put it around her.

 

He whispered soothing words in her ear and softly caressed her back, trying to comfort her with his mere presence. And slowly - very slowly; he had no idea how many minutes he sat on the corner with her - he could feel her muscles begin to unwind. Her skin lost that awful clammy feeling, and her breathing, while still rushed, no longer sounded quite so panicked.

 

Finally, when he felt she might be ready, he touched two fingers to the underside of her chin, using the softest pressure imaginable to lift her face so that he could see her eyes. “Look at me, Kagome,” he whispered, his voice gentle but suffused with authority. “If you just look at me, you will know that you are safe.”

 

After several seconds of fluttering, she finally managed to open her eyes all the way and met his gaze. Sesshoumaru felt as if he'd been punched in the gut. If eyes were truly the windows to the soul, something had shattered within Minamoto Kagome that night. She looked haunted, hunted, and utterly lost and bewildered.

 

“I don't remember,” she whispered, her voice barely audible.

 

He took her hand, which he'd never relinquished his hold on, and brought it to his lips again. He pressed a gentle, almost paternal kiss on her palm. “You don't remember what?”

 

She shook her head. “I don't know.”

 

“Do you remember coming to the cave?” She nodded. “Do you remember the storm?”

 

She closed her eyes for a moment, as if the act of keeping them open had required more energy than she possessed. “It's still storming.”

 

Sesshoumaru nodded. That was true. The rain was still beating against the cave's opening with just as much ferocity as before, but it had been several minutes since that last bout of thunder and lightning.

 

She looked at him with desperate eyes. “I can't... I don't...”

 

Sesshoumaru squeezed her hand. “You don't have to say anything.”

 

He felt her body shudder and relax, then heard her whisper. “Arigatou.”

 

“Do you want me to talk to you?” he asked.

 

She shut her eyes - not as tightly as before - and shook her head.

 

He smiled, even though he knew she could not see it. But maybe she could sense it. Maybe she'd be able to hear his smile in his voice. “Then,” he mused, “what can I do for you?”

 

“Just don't let go. That's all I need right now. Tomorrow...we'll talk tomorrow.” She whispered.

 

“Very well,” he replied, feeling rather absurdly pleased that she wanted him to stay by her in such a moment. He shifted her sideways so she could rest her head on his chest. He began rocking her back and forth until she fell asleep. He sighed deeply and moved so his back was now to the wall, careful not to wake her up.

 

Sensing her peaceful sleep he gazed outside and realized that there was only a slight drizzle but there was no sign of the rain stopping. He spent the entire night kissing her forehead, the top of her head and her hands. If he could stop time now, he'd do it, if just to be with her so close.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

DREAM

 

“Where am I?” I questioned myself as I looked around.

 

There were many trees, all covered in snow. To my right, a narrow road led to what I could make out as a bridge. The bridge was made of rope and loose boards, probably very old, narrow and long. The area was not familiar and I didn't remember ever coming through here. It must be the top of some mountain because the echo of the forest animals was deep.

 

“We are going to your home, stupid! I can't believe you didn't think to pack more food!” He puffed and walked past me, heading towards the direction of the bridge.

 

My hackles rose at his answer. “Stop!” He did. But he didn't turn. He was standing still at the very edge of the cliff, arms crossed where the bridge began. His long silver hair was gently blowing with the chilly breeze as he seemed to be sniffing out something. He looked like a dog.

 

Marching myself up to him, I turned him around and whirled him to the side with a punch. How dare he speak to me like that! I never allowed it irregardless of who it was. For a moment, he just stared wide-eyed at me and I just glared down at his form.

 

“What the hell was that for?! And where the hell did you learn how to do that?!” He stood and was practically nose to nose with me. His breath came out in small puffy clouds the made my skin shiver. His amber eyes were full of fire and awe.

 

“What ever gave you the idea that you can speak to me like that?! I am not some pathetic woman who doesn't know how to defend herself! And if you knew me like you say you do, you'd remember that I was trained, idiot!” Kami, he surely knew how to get a rise out of me, as always.

 

“Keh! Like you could actually do that again anyways! The only reason you were able to hit me was `cause I wasn't paying attention!” he boasted.

 

Damn dog! Loosing rein on my control, I whirled at him again, only to have him catch my right hand in his left and turn me around. Using my left hand, I tried to punch back only to have it once again caught by his right hand. With my back pressed to his chest and his arms holding my hands crossed at my front, he chuckled breathlessly in my ear as I struggled.

 

“Stubborn, wench! I told you! You ain't doing it again!” He chuckled again. “Besides, we wouldn't have to go back to your home if SOMEONE hadn't forgotten the food.” He was still breathing hard.

 

“What are you talking about?” I asked just as breathless as he.

 

He growled frustratingly. “You are so clueless, princess. Can't you ever remember anything?”

 

Using his distraction, I kicked my leg up and hit him on the side of the head, bring us down. Somehow, even with the loss of balance, he refused to let go and we both came crashing down with him as cushion.

 

There was an `oomph' before he let go. Despite the fact that he was the one to take the hit, the air in my lungs was also taken away. We continued to roll, wrestling for control the entire time until we were both spent. I just rolled to the side.

 

We laid there in the ground trying to catch our breaths. The ground was cold and I turned to see him looking up, eyes wide as small clouds of air exited his partially open mouth. Kami, he was gorgeous! I closed my eyes and shook the thought. One minute I want to cut off his head for calling me stupid and the next I want to...

 

“I'm just trying to help you remember.” he said in a whisper.

 

Still keeping my gaze towards the sky, I thought about what he said before I replied annoyingly. “Remember what?”

 

“Us...you...me...these places.”

 

“What about them?”

 

“What's my name?”

 

I turned on my side and braced myself on my elbow, looking down at him. He was still looking up into the gray winter sky. “....I....I can't remember.” I answered icily, frustrated with myself.

 

He cupped my face and I turned into his warmth. Then slowly and tenderly he pulled me down and kissed my forehead, my eyes and finally my lips. It was a small kiss that delivered such a tremor within my soul that I had to pull back.

 

He stood not at all offended when I had moved back. “Look, I can't make you remember. And I'm not gonna make it easy for you and tell you. But...”

 

I stared suspiciously at him. “But?” I supplied when he didn't continue right away.

 

“I guess that you can continue calling me, Yasuhani...for now.” I smiled despite myself.

 

“All right,” I added. “Tell me about these places then, Yasuhani.”

 

“They are ours. Yours and mine. We've made them ours. Every dream is one of them.”

 

“How so?” I didn't see anything special in these places.

 

“When it was just you and me, before anyone...these were places we would spend every moment in.”

 

“I don't remember,” I answered honestly, looking ahead and hugging my knees. Then I tensed at a sound not inside this world.

 

I turned to him again from where I still sat on the ground. “You're waking up, princess.”

 

Sudden panic filled me. I didn't want to leave yet. With a quick push, I stood and tried to walk towards him. But suddenly the entire scene was sucked into some form of vortex and I was left in darkness.

 

END OF DREAM

 

The chirping of birds were the first sounds I made out when I began to wake up. I stared at the floor. I locked the dream into the back of my mind. Gradually, images of last night flashed in my eyes. It had been long since something like this had happened and when it did, I was usually alone or with Kirara. Last night, however, I had had someone else here with me. To say that I was happy or relieved to share such intimate things with no other than a demon was not something I could say made me comfortable.

 

But, in all honesty, it was not that bad either. It was hard to describe how I felt about the whole situation. And, to top it off, I was still lying on his lap and his arms around my torso. Strange, but, being here, in his arms, it felt... almost... normal. Oh, dear Kami! I think the storm did more damage than it usually did.

 

“You're awake,” came the deep soothing voice of the inu youkai.

 

“Sharp as ever I see,” I replied sarcastically, keeping my head down. I had always been self-conscious about my appearance and in this precise moment I was worried about my breath.

 

“Is that the thanks I get for staying with you all night, wench?” I raised my head and glared at him.

 

“No one forced you to stay.”

 

“Perhaps, but you did ask me to. Was I to leave you in your most vulnerable time?”

 

I rolled my eyes and got off him. I threw his haori at him and pretended to dust off something left by his clothing. I walked off to the entrance and whistled to Kirara. My mouth was a bit dry, so now more than ever, I was thankful for echoes. After a few moments of silence, I looked back at him and found him reaching for my clothing. Mentally kicking myself for forgetting about my semi-nude form (I was at least wearing my hadajuban (under shirt) and specially-made under pants, I lifted my hands just in time to catch them before they hit my face.

 

In the middle of tying my chihaya, he spoke once more. “So?”

 

“So what?” I knew what he was trying to ask, but I thought that if I avoided the question he might actually let it go. Letting him deeper into my life was something I was hoping would not happen and against all odds, secretly wished he would stop asking.

 

“What happened last night?”

 

I finished dressing myself and ran my fingers through my hair, straightening it a bit. I considered his question for some time. Hesitating some, I answered. “It's personal.” My throat began to feel very tight. “I don't often talk about it. I keep telling myself that it is because it is water under the bridge.” My mother and brother had been gone for thirteen years. But the truth was that some things hurt too much.

 

And there were some wounds that didn't heal, not even in thirteen years.

 

Sitting next to him, I kept my gaze stoic and continued softly, “She - she was a great woman. A great mother...or so I've been told. I loved her very much. Kyo was my idol.”

 

Sesshoumaru, who had been staring outside, turned to look at me, the first time he'd met my gaze since he'd lifted my chin with his fingers many hours ago. “Tell me what this had to do with what transpired last night.”

 

“Everything...and nothing.” I said softly.

 

“How old were you when she died?”

 

“I was four years old. Some guards came in to deliver the news and the Shikon,” I paused. “The city was attacked the same day and Kyo was caught and beaten. Father gave the attackers some land and money to leave. Kyo was beheaded two days after.” I glanced outside and then returned my gaze to him. My face remained blank. He was looking at me so tenderly. No pity. Just pure affection and understanding. Then I added, “There was a violent storm that day.”

 

“...”

 

I lifted myself once more and walked outside again. He followed and stood by me waiting for my neko companion. “Do you miss family you never really knew?” His voice had held a hoarse urgency that told me there was something critical about my reply.

 

“Yes,” I finally answered, “but not in the way you would think. You can't really miss them, because you didn't know them, but there's still a hole in your life - a big empty spot, and you know who was supposed to fit there, but you can't remember them, and you don't know what they were like, and so you don't know how they would have filled that hole.” My lips curved into a sad sort of smile. “Does that make any sense?”

 

Sesshoumaru nodded. “It makes a great deal of sense.”

 

“I think losing a parent once you know and love them is harder,” I added. “And I know, because I've lost both.”

 

Sesshoumaru, I'm sure, was about to ask what I meant, but thankfully Kirara arrived and greeted me with a bump to my forehead. I quickly mounted her behind Eriko and we took off without one backwards glance to the inu. He was trailing in the back.

 

With every intention to keep straight and not stop, I whispered to Kirara to pick up her pace, but she growled at me and landed at a small clearing. Cursing under my breath, I dismounted her and went around facing her. I glared at her. I knew why she stopped. She knew me all too well and her youkai nose was exceptional. I was hoping she would not notice but it seems she was worried. Eriko simply ran into the forest and simply yelled that she was looking for some berries.

 

Untransforming, she glared back. Just when I was about to scold her, the inu youkai landed and stared confusingly at both of us. “What happened?”

 

“This is none of your damn business inu youkai. Return to your palace and leave us be,” I spat out.

 

“I thought we had established a middle ground. But judging by your tone, I think we have retreated to addressing me coldly.”

 

Not wanting to fight and feeling the smallest of consequences of what Kirara had sensed (and surprisingly the inu's nose had not), I rubbed my temples and replied in monotone, “Indeed.”

 

He walked towards me and before I had a chance to react, he punched me in the gut and sent me flying across the clearing. Good thing miko came with big packages. When he was in mid air, ready to strike once more, my ki flared out and knocked him down - hard.

 

It must have been one hell of a spiritual punch because he stayed in the ground holding his stomach and looking up. He was coughing and trying to catch his breath. Shaking my head, I jumped up and with a speed that later surprised me, I was crouching on top of him. One hand in his throat and the other in his chest, I hissed at him, “You are walking on thin ice with me. You would be wise to leave now while you can still leave in one piece.”

 

He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. When he did not open them instantly I thought he had heeded my warning. Wrong! In less than three seconds, the roles had reversed. His eyes were tinged red and he bared his fangs at me. To say that I was shocked and speechless was an understatement. However, I quickly recovered from the shock and my spiritual energy was begging to be released.

 

“Is this the only way I can get your attention? By fighting you? If yes, then so be it! I AM THE DOMINANT ONE, NOT YOU! I WILL BE THE ONE TO SAY WHEN I CAN LEAVE! IS THAT CLEAR TO YOU?!” His voice was icy cold. Nothing like the Sesshoumaru I had come to know.

 

I leaned in closer to his face and retorted, “GET. OFF. ME. NOW!”

 

His claws tightened on my neck. He opened his mouth to yell once more, but he stopped. He seemed to inspect me. Lowering his face to my neck, he inhaled sharply. Sesshoumaru stiffened and slowly lifted himself to look at me. Releasing my neck and jumping up to a tree, he glared down at me.

 

“I... need... to... leave.” He encircled himself in a blue light and took off.

 

For several minutes I stayed on the ground, propped up in my elbows. Whatever the hell had just happened, I still didn't understand. I glanced around and noticed that Kirara was sitting under a small sakura tree completely oblivious of what had just transpired. Either that or she had decided not to interfere.

 

“Well, thank you for defending me,” I sarcastically yelled at her. Her reply was to get up, stretch and begin walking in the direction Eriko had disappeared.

 

I stood and removed several leaves on my kami (hair). So, with every intention of taking all the time in the world, I walked to catch up with my two companions who were already several meters ahead. The walk would probably take a little over a day. As I continued forward, I realized the reason he perhaps had attacked me and left was that he had caught on to the beginning of my monthly cycle. It was also the reason he had tried to establish his dominance. The inu's nose was very sensible and even the slightest stench of blood was enough to put them on edge. Nevertheless, this being a different kind of `blood', it probably had an opposite effect on him.

 

And with that thought, it was more than sure going to attract unwanted attention. Tanaka-sensei once told me that this kind of miko `blood' was very alluring to youkai and it was almost equivalent to the female youkai heat. From what I gathered from the oh-so-riveting talk, the youkai heat occurred almost regularly. That would explain why most female youkai get pregnant during this phase.

 

Anyways, I didn't want to think on that. Right now, all I wanted to think was on some way to really rid myself of Sesshoumaru. If he stayed longer - and I was not going to lie to myself - it might become harder for me to let him go. I was still determined to stay away from him, no matter how tempting it was to engage in verbal battles with him, or how intriguing the hints about his past. He puzzled and confused me and I didn't need that.

 

I needed a plan.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

Damn it! Why the hell does she have to turn everything on him?

 

Sesshoumaru paced outside the Kamakura castle. He was glad he left in time before the first drop of blood, literally. Now he knew why the neko had decided to stop. Fortunately, his father also informed him that miko were an exception when it came to this certain aspect. Because of their spiritual powers, miko's blood came with the same side effects of female youkai in heat, hence making the cycle shorter and stronger. Also the smell of their blood was not putrid like all other onna, but was instead of a sweet almost honey-like smell to the nose of youkai. Most demons were unable to resist the urge of mating during this time. And both were killed by the miko spiritual power when their resistance wavered.

 

Sesshoumaru was well aware that had he not left, Kagome would have killed him then and there. Of course, he also now knew that `it' was the reason of her mood swing. His frustration would just have to be taken out on something else. Opening up his senses, he detected a pack of youkai a few miles away and quickly headed on that direction. Hopefully, those youkai would put up a good fight for him to tire himself.