InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Chou Shoki I: Learning from Yesterday ❯ Chapter 34 ( Chapter 33 )

Hi guys! Thank for the reviews.

 

 

 

For he through Sin's long labyrinth had run,

nor made atonement when he did amiss,

had sigh'd to many though he lov'd but one,

And that lov'd one, alas! could ne'er be his.

-Lord Byron, Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto I

 

 

CHAPTER 34

 

During my talk with four of the five visiting miko, I kept stealing glances in the direction of the shoji that led to my father's study. It was getting late and dinner had been served without both royal men. I had been left with the task to see to the comfort of each guest. My face was hurting from the forced semi-smile I managed from Kami knows where.

 

I was feeling antsy the entire evening. The thought of Sesshoumaru alone with my father was enough to relocate my entire organs. During the middle of dinner, everyone turned to look at me like I'd finally shredded my last - if any - piece of sanity when a small half groan half laugh escaped my lips. But I really couldn't help it. The portrait my father and the inu youkai would be making was just too comical.

 

Even more, I just couldn't stop my mind from conjuring the very scene that could erupt if my father found out the truth and yell for me to explain.

 

“Hello, Father, I met this man who is really an inu youkai in disguise at a ball I attended in his home and after that he's been following me around...What does he want? Nothing much. Just to kiss me and get me into his futon. You remember the entire night I disappeared on our way back home, don't you? I was with him alone in a cave where he almost succeeded in getting me out of my clothes. But that's okay, isn't it? Sesshoumaru's a great demon. He even got poisoned when he kept me from getting killed by a snake youkai after I left my guard down like you told me not to.

 

“Father? Are you seizing? Should I get the herbal medicine for your heart?”

 

Oh yeah, that would go over well.

 

It was close to midnight and I had begun to order the servants to escort our guests to their assigned quarters. Some of the younger ones had ventured into the city escorted by one or two samurai. Hiroyaki had excused himself earlier on and joined the rest of the palace samurai. Since our small talk in the hall, he had been silent and only answering any questions directly addressed to him in a short way.

 

After most of the guests were inside their rooms, I slipped into my personal library. I looked around the dark room lit only by the moonlight, then sighed with pleasure. Like a mouse to cheese, I pulled the nearest scroll from its place in the wall and sat near the window.

 

Yet what held my attention was the inu youkai downstairs.

 

Why was I so attracted to him? I had battled countless demons and met some of the most handsome men over the years. I had felt nothing for any of them other than a passing curiosity. And yet this demon male with open, honest eyes and a beguiling smile tugged at a heart I had banished years ago. I didn't need that. Messengers were forbidden to take lovers. Out of necessity, the Kami had created an out-clause, but I...

 

No! I was reborn to walk alone through time. I knew it. I had sworn myself to it. Never before had it bothered me. I cursed at the reminder.

 

“Oh, come one, Kagome,” I said as I tightened my hold on the scroll. “Get him out of your territory, protect the jewel, and go on with your life. Forget you ever saw him.”

 

Pain cut through me at the thought of never seeing him again. Still, I knew what I had to do.

 

Until I heard the sliding of the shoji.

 

With a gasp of dismay, not sure how long I'd been there, I quickly rolled the scroll, and placed it on the floor. As the door opened, I realized that I didn't have to explain my presence to anyone in my own library, but rather impulsively crouched.

 

As I waited, hardly daring to breathe, Sesshoumaru, walked into the room as if he owned the house and closed the door behind him. He appeared to be discomforted with something. He strolled past the shelves. As he slowly walked along, the fingertips of his right hand brushed the edges of the numerous scrolls like a lover's caress.

 

Good Kami, why had I thought of that comparison?

 

I should have been upset about him coming in here, especially because this was my private part of the palace. No one dared to come in here. Instead, I was thinking about his long, elegant fingers or noting the lithe grace of his prowling walk. I certainly didn't want a repetition of previous confrontations and surely that was why my heart was pounding so hard.

 

Sesshoumaru was on the other side of the room. His side was more in shadow. “Lovely scent you have, Lady Kagome. Rather unique, too. Are you here all by yourself?”

 

He seemed rather taller in the darkness, too, and more menacing, as if he were the same inu youkai and not human. I commanded myself not to be so fanciful and tried to get my erratic breathing under control.

 

“Or might I find Tomoe no Hiroyaki hiding somewhere in this room?

 

That brought me to my senses. “No, of course, not!”

 

“Then why are you hiding in here? I hope you weren't lying in wait for someone else.”

 

“I most certainly was not!” I wasn't some silly, moonstruck girl.

 

“Tomoe being a bore, was he?”

 

I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of being right. “I wanted to be alone.”

 

“Ah, of course,” he replied skeptically.

 

“I was reading.”

 

“Reading? At this hour of night?”

 

“I like to read.” I wasn't going to submit to being interrogated as if I'd been caught trying to make off with the silver. “What are you doing here? I do hope I haven't disrupted an assignation with a lady.”

 

His brows lowered. “No. As it happens, your father was being a bore and I sought refuge. I had no idea anybody was in here.”

 

“Well, I was. I am.”

 

“And now it is time for you to be on your way like a good little hime, Lady Kagome.”

 

Of all the patronizing, condescending-! I wouldn't leave now if the room was on fire. Instead, I lifted my chin, walked up to him and crossed my arms. “What is wrong with you, your highness?” I demanded, looking into his cold, handsome face.

 

He was silent for a moment before replying. “Do you even care?”

 

“You aren't going to scare me away,” I said, meaning it, and at the same time very aware that we were alone, and that his imperious tone had definitely softened.

 

You know I do care.

 

He laughed softly, the sound low and unexpectedly melodic in the dark room. “Oh, I most certainly wasn't trying to scare you. But shouldn't you be returning to your guests, and your doting admirer? He and Emperor Seiwa might be finished talking about grandchildren by now.”

 

“I don't want- ” I fell silent, mentally berating myself for revealing even that much.

 

“To be around Tomoe?” Sesshoumaru finished, strolling around the small center table, his movement leisurely. “I can't say I blame you. For a young female who enjoys reading, I'm having difficulty imagining you getting along with him. I don't think he's read any scroll that didn't belong to his father.”

 

His face was more visible now, all angles and planes and centuries of aristocratic heritage. Despite his casual pose, it wasn't difficult to imagine him dressed in the layered kimono of the Heian period, or enthroned in regal robes.

 

“How much of your library have you read?” I asked, the force of my retort lessened by the way my body responded to the picture my mind conjured.

 

“I've read all the scrolls in my library,” he replied. “Over the years, I've kept only the scrolls I enjoyed.” He straightened and his voice hardened. “None of them are my father's.”

 

To my surprise, he gestured abruptly at the door. “You'd better get back to the others before they realize you're gone and come searching for you.” Despite his action, his tone wasn't commanding or patronizing; it was weary and sad, like my father's when he was thinking of my late mother. I eyed him warily, all the while noting how sorrowful he seemed.

 

“Tell me, are you always so stubborn? Do you never do what you're told?” he asked, his voice low in the intimate darkness.

 

I stepped back, putting distance between myself and his muscular body, and the magic of his deep voice. Whether real or only imagined, he possessed a power that tugged at my deepest, most secret desires and brought them surging to the surface. “It all depends on who is asking me, and how they do it. Like most people, I don't enjoy being ordered about.”

 

He cocked his head and regarded me studiously, as if I were some sort of scientific experiment. “Did you act this way even when you were little?”

 

That was better. I could breathe normally when he regarded me that way. “Hai.”

 

“What did your parents do then?” He sounded sincerely curious, and because he did, I replied just as sincerely.

 

“I don't remember what exactly my okaa-san would do. My otou-san would try to convince me I was wrong and if that didn't work, I got sent to my heya without supper. It wasn't such a terrible punishment, though. I always had lots of scrolls to read while I was banished.”

 

He nodded slowly, deep in thought, and when he spoke, it was more to himself than to me. “Hai, reading can be a great comfort. I remember once when- ” He suddenly straightened as if he'd been called to attention. “Good night, Lady Kagome.”

 

“Sesshoumaru?” I began, wondering what memory had prompted his abrupt change of manner. He marched out of the room without another word.

 

I stared after him puzzled and confused by what had happened. Yet as I tried to sort out his reactions and my own, to make some sense of our conversation and its meaning, one thing was certain: Sesshoumaru was a much more complicated man than I had ever imagined.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

At the end of his conversation with the host, he'd gone to where he knew Kagome's library was for a bit of peace and quiet. He needed to be alone after the bomb of information he'd just received. The arrogant okami had already made the decision to marry Kagome to the dim-witted samurai that followed her around like a shadow. `Lord Seiwa' had even dared to say that Kagome had made the decision herself.

 

Shocked (which he didn't show at the moment), he then feared he'd been wrong about her all along, and she was like so many other easily impressed young women who wanted to spend her life with a dull and coward man.

 

As if.

 

He quickly composed his jealous and unreliable mind. Then he heard a little noise, no more than a whisper of fabric, and turned to find Kagome at the door, sliding it and stepping into the very location he was heading to. After calming himself enough for a rational and adult conversation he stepped inside.

 

That didn't make the situation any less disturbing. It had to be the way she looked at him with those big lavender eyes, as if she were truly interested in him as a fellow living being, that made him want to tell her about his lonely, miserable, loveless childhood. Luckily, he remembered the reason for his discomfort and his anger at her. How could she not have told him about her future marriage with the stupid kid?! Whether she had agreed forcefully or willingly, he had a right to know about such an important decision.

 

He needed to vent.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

DREAM

 

The pain was so much. The more they kicked, the more consciousness I lost. But it'd be worst if I screamed out and complained so I stayed on the floor like the animal I was. I only covered my head. Especially now that they had found out whom I really was.

 

Just take it! Live with it like you always have! Take strength from it!

 

I chanced a peak, although my swollen eyes and blurry visions allowed for nothing but shadows. It was the sound of the voices that I recognized. Their voices.

 

The usual five - Ban, Masaki, Ichiro, Shige and Ken.

 

“What? Rotten cabbage too good for a slave like you?” was the voice of Ban, the eldest of the apprentice monks.

 

I wanted to say no. To tell them that I would do anything they wanted, but answering back was also something they would punish me for. Instead, I let them do with me as they pleased. They kept kicking me all over my six year old body as Ban repeated the question over and over.

 

Then, in a jerking movement, Ban picked me up by my hair and spit in my face while I tried to pull his hands away silently. “I'm talking to you, your highness!”

 

Masaki, another of the apprentice, quipped. “Maybe she thinks that she's too good to answer you, Ban.”

 

I cringed at the barb. This would only get me more beatings and probably cost me my only good leg. Throwing me face first to the floor into some animal's feces, Ban asked disgusted. “Is that true? You think you're too good to answer?”

 

Gazing down at the floor, I shook my head, nervously. However, things got even worst when Giichi came running and tried to stop them. “Don't, Ban! She is our princess! You could be killed for this!”

 

Hatred and anger instantly filled me. I hated Giichi. He always tried to help me and always made things worst. They would always intensify their torture when he came around.

 

“This weak, pathetic and ugly thing can't be our princess!” Then, he put his hands around my neck and squeezed hard. I clawed at his hands, but I still didn't cry out.

 

“Who's out there?”

 

All six of them ran at the voice of Tanaka-sensei. I was left there coughing and gasping for air. Any one would have felt relieved at the sound of his voice. But I wasn't anyone or someone.

 

Once he saw me, he yanked me up by my arm and bent me over a stump in the training yard. He ripped at the back of my ragged kosode and whipped me. I only held on to the stump as the fierce lashings cut open my flesh.

 

Over and over, a voice sounded in my head in time with the lashings.

 

END OF DREAM

 

The next morning I was awoken by a young female's whispering voice. “Hime-sama, Lord Seiwa needs you in his study, now.”

 

“Is he alright?”

 

“Hai. But he says that you must come down NOW.”

 

Grunting, I pulled off the thin blanket and changed my clothing. When I was tying my susuyoke (wrap-around; like a bra), I happened to glance out my window. It was still dark. I turned to the young servant.

 

“Did you forget to inform him it was still dark out?”

 

She lowered her hand and clasped her hands in front of her. “Iiee. He simply gave an order. We are expected to follow.”

 

“Hn (Yeah).” I sent her off and I put on my geta.

 

I hadn't slept for most of the night. And what little sleep I had obtained had been occupied by the nightmare of long ago. Plus, the conversation in the library had me tossing and turning in the beginning. No matter how much I had tried to find a reason why he had treated me the way he had, I could not find any. When the young girl had entered my room, I had been asleep for only a few minutes.

 

Now, as I slid the door to my father's study, I was beginning to think that the youkai's presence was definitely not such a good idea. My father was signing some parchments. He was already dressed in his imperial garments and ignored my presence until he saw me sit.

 

“As you probably know, today the jewel will be entrusted to one of the miko who are here. However, although this feast was prepared for such event, I have disregarded to inform you of the other reason.” He had not looked at me, but was organizing the many documents given to him.

 

“And what other reason would that be, tenno?”

 

“I could sweet talk to you all morning long, but we both know that is not the types of conversations we have. So, to get to the point,” he lifted his face, “I have decided that Hiroyaki well make an excellent emperor.”

 

I clenched my teeth. “For Hiro to be an emperor, he'd have to have been born to a royal family...”

 

“Or marry a future empress,” he finished nonchalantly.

 

“Well, I'm sure cousin Mali would be very happy with Hiro.”

 

He kept his gaze straight. “He will be a strong ruler.”

 

“I won't disagree.”

 

“He will make an excellent husband.”

 

“I'm positive.”

 

“Your husband.”

 

“My lord,” I said, in hopes of getting on his good side, “we agreed that if I decided to hand over the responsibility of the jewel to another miko, then I would not shun the idea of marriage. Nevertheless, we also agreed that if such a decision to marry would come, then I would be free to choose my own consort.”

 

“I don't see how marrying Hiroyaki is a bad choice. Most young ladies of your royal status don't even get the privilege of choosing to marry or not. I did give you that choice. Besides, Hiroyaki is already known to you. He has promised to keep no concubines and to be loyal to you in name and in bed.”

 

“Demo, otou-san, I do not love him!” I bolted from the floor.

 

“SINCE YOU CAME BACK SEVEN YEARS AGO, I HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT LET YOU RUN AROUND AND DO WHAT YOU PLEASE! I HAVE EVEN IGNORED WHEN YOU OVERSTEPPED YOUR BOUNDARIES IN THE PRESENCE OF OTHER PEOPLE! AND DON'T THINK I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE RETURNED MONEY THAT IS PAID FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE! I HAVE EVEN OVERLOOKED YOUR INSISTANCE OF TREATING THAT INSUFFERABLE SERVANT, LANA AND THE ORPHAN WHELP, AS SOMEONE OF OUR STATUS. BUT THIS IS SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. YOU WILL MARRY HIROYAKI BY THE NEXT SUMMER. AND THAT IS FINAL!” His voice, though commanding was kept at a low scowl.

 

“And I have endured your coldness and your separation from me when I most needed you. I have never asked anything of you. When you sent me away, I obeyed. When you sent me off to rid the land of demons, I obeyed. When you ordered that I be paid for rendered service, I obeyed. And even, when you ordered I marry when the jewel was taken from me, I obeyed. But... I WILL NOT MARRY SOMEONE I DO NOT LOVE! I DO NOT WISH TO ENTER A LOVELESS MARRIAGE!” If he was going to challenge me, then he was in for one hell of a fight.

 

“What foolish notion! Whoever told you that love and marriage go hand in hand?” His mocking tone was making my blood boil.

 

“My mother... your wife.” He stiffened at my response. “Or is it that she lied to me and your marriage was not the blissful union everyone thought?!”

 

Slap!

 

I touched the cheek he hit. It was not a hard hit and it would certainly not leave a mark, but the fact that he had done it, was what caused my surprise.

 

“This is final, Kagome. You either choose to be the guardian to the Shikon no Tama or you marry Hiroyaki. You have until tonight to answer me.”

 

I let out a sarcastic laugh. “Basically, what you're saying is that I'm stuck with something I don't want for the rest of my life.” He did not move. “Fine.”

 

I spun around and headed for my cabin outside. Inside, the `safety' of my room, I leaned against the closed door as I fought the raging need inside me. It was raw and vicious, and it made me ache for things I knew I could never have. Things that could only hurt me more. And I had been hurt enough to last ten thousand lifetimes. I had to put him out of my thoughts. But even as I stood there, the loneliness of my life settled on me with a vengeance.

 

I closed my eyes and willed myself not to cry or to yell. Lana was not here so there was no one who I could talk to. Eriko was too young to understand such things and was still probably asleep. Lana had been sent to Edo on an errand for my father. I was starting to believe that it was more than a simple coincidence, when she had accompanied me in every event in my life.

 

Unfortunately, things were going to get even worst once Sesshoumaru found out. Not that he should care. He only sees me as a friend, but I...

 

No, I needed to make a decision now. Whatever I chose would ultimately end up separating me from Sesshoumaru forever. If I agreed to marry Hiroyaki, I'd have to be his wife in every sense of the word. I knew Hiro and I knew he would really be loyal to me. I could not lie to him and see Sesshoumaru in secret even though we were just friends.

 

And if I chose to protect the Shikon no Tama, then the constant danger of being attacked would make Sesshoumaru think he had to stay and help me protect it. Were it not for the fact that he'd be considered a traitor to his species for protecting the very kind of creature he is supposed to kill, I would let him stay by my side.

 

“You let your heart lead you far too often, girl. One day it's going to lead you to ruin.” I winced at my father's warning in my head when I had innocently freed a youkai bear cub from a trap. I had just turned four. Neither of us had any idea at the time just how true those words would one day prove.

 

I am a Messenger.

 

That was what I needed to focus on. I was the only thing standing between the people and annihilation. Those who wanted to Shikon were out there and I must stop them. I was responsible for a kingdom.

 

“I'm such a fool,” I snarled, forcing myself to dress in my chihaya.

 

I would think no more of him and my past. I had a higher calling. One that couldn't be ignored. I was a protector. And I would live and die a protector, which meant that physical comforts such as a man like Sesshoumaru were strictly off limits to me.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The palace gardens were decorated with the most expensive decorations. There were dancers to the left, musicians on the northern side, kyudo practicing to the right and next to them were the samurai showing off their kenjutsu (sword arts or killing ways) skills.

 

Han walked out to the gardens. By this time breakfast had already been served and eaten. He had skipped all that, hoping to avoid any more contact with all these pretentious and snobbery individuals. Whether youkai or humans, he realized that all courtiers were exactly the same. After last night's argument, he had slipped out into these same gardens for the solitude and peace they had offered.

 

Once he had calmed himself enough, he realized what an idiot he had been. It was obvious by Kagome's answers that she had no idea what the okami and the wanna-be-warrior had planned for her. Now, all he wanted and the reason he had decided to even show up now and not until late that night, was to find her and apologize.

 

He would have rather crept into her room but with all the servants, he didn't want to be caught and dishonor her. As an alternative, he decided to wait for her to come and then approach her. To his dismay, Kagome didn't come down from her heya until after lunch, which had him sitting with a gaggle of annoying women, whom claimed to be next to occupy the throne if Kagome decides not to marry.

 

`Let them keep the damn throne! If Kagome was going to occupy any throne, it would be to the Western Lands... with him!' He shook his head to dispel that thought.

 

When Han saw her enter the gardens, his heart hammered at the sight of all the exquisite curves and power. Every inch of her screamed for him. Right now, she was sporting her usual miko garments. Perhaps she was going to display her excellent kyudo abilities. He didn't have to have his demonic senses to know that no ningen, male or female, could surpass her in that area or any other area at that.

 

She passed by and did not even spare him a glance. She seemed different. It could be that his ningen sight was so weak, but he could almost swear she had returned to that cold and detached woman she had been when he first met her. Kagome stood by her father and bowed mechanically.

 

Not once in an hour did she blink. Until...

 

“Esteemed guests, Kagome-hime, my daughter, has graciously accepted to demonstrate her excellent abilities with her yumi and ya. After which, she will give each one of the miko present, the chance to spar with her.”

 

Loud clapping ensued as the guests oohed and awed. She bowed and began the exhibition. Each arrow carried a huge amount of her powers that literally exploded as it hit its target. When her first set of ya was finished, Hiroyaki walked up to her and handed her a new set. They stood looking at each other until he put a cloth over her eyes.

 

The emperor gave the order for the present samurai to throw in the air the small ball-like cloths. She hit them all and even hit an approaching, non-threatening youkai that tried to jump over the palace wall. Han had not failed to notice this last strike and was instinctively walking towards her when a large hand stopped him.

 

He turned to see the emperor. “She is fine. She has all she will ever need.”

 

Han gazed at the miko and fisted his hands. The stupid kid was using every available moment to touch his mate. Currently, he was removing the cloth that covered her eyes and moving some lose strands that had fallen in her face. She didn't seem to mind. On the contrary, she didn't even try to push him away or move.

 

Kagome put her arm in the samurai's and began walking towards the center. Hiroyaki bowed to her and went back to being a spectator. A number of the samurai approached her and laid down on the floor a wide variety of weapons. She motioned for the miko to choose their weapon of choice. Each miko, except one, grabbed a weapon and kneeled before the emperor and Kagome.

 

“I, Chika, miko of Okayama, salute my emperor, Seiwa, and my sister, Kagome-hime,” came the first of the miko.

 

“I, Keiko, miko of Kochi, salute my emperor, Seiwa, and my sister, Kagome-hime,” was the same reply of the second miko.

 

“I, Jingo, miko of Takamatsu, salute my emperor, Seiwa, and my sister, Kagome-hime,” came the third miko.

 

“I, Ami, miko of Choshi, salute my emperor, Seiwa, and my sister, Kagome-hime,” came the fourth reply.

 

“I, Aita, miko of Matsushima, salute my emperor, Seiwa, and my sister, Kagome-hime,” came a final, dry and forced reply.

 

Both royals nodded in acknowledgement. The emperor took a seat on one of the garden benches as the rest of the spectators followed his position. Kagome waited for each of the miko to take their positions around her. All but one had bow and arrows. The weaponless miko had looked familiar to the hime, but she had ignored it. Once each miko was positioned, Kagome took her kamae (defensive posture). Like the final miko, Kagome had opted to use no weapon.

 

“Hajime (command to start; usually in a match),” came the stoic voice of the hime.

 

It took but a single blow to the first four miko to take them down, finding their kyusho (vital spot in the body). The hime was too fast and too quiet for them and she surprised each one in mid-attack. Arrows flew at Kagome but she moved so fast, he had to question whether the miko was really a human and not a youkai in disguise. The fifth miko, Aita, however, had barely managed to escape the blow with a minor blow to the side of her left rib cage. She crouched on the floor, ready to attack again, anger in her face.

 

“Yame (to halt an action).” Kagome took her shizentai (natural standing posture). “You four,” she said, pointing to the still injured miko on the floor, “go back to your Shinto temples. While you may be capable of defending your furusato, you are not strong enough to carry the responsibility of the Shikon no Tama.”

 

The four miko stood, slowly, and bowed at the hime and the okami. They picked up a small pouch with yen and exited the palace accompanied by some of the samurai. Han had watched with amusement and pride as his intended had disposed so easily of the miko. But something about this last one had him on edge. He felt no fear towards her, but something else bothered him about her. She seemed to despise Kagome for no apparent reason.

 

Kagome circled Aita's crouching position in the floor. There was something oddly familiar about this miko that didn't sit well with her. “Bring the jo (sticks),” the hime yelled at no one in particular. “We shall shinken-shobu* with the jo.”

 

(A/N: *shinken-shobu is a real fight using real swords, usually to the death. For purposes of my story, I decided to replace the swords with jo or fighting sticks).

 

Aita's position faltered for a moment but quickly recovered. The miko stood and grabbed one of the jo that had been thrown to her and to her opponent. Their kamae taken, they both waited for the other to attack.

 

The emperor took his cue. “Shobu (announcing beginning of match). Hajime.”

 

Both miko sparred for a few minutes. Aita's waza (skill, technique) was good. Yet Kagome's was much more precise and accurate with the grace that came only with training from Tanaka. Kagome grew angry at her inability to keep concentrated and decided to quickly end it. Were it not for a certain distraction dressed in midnight blue a few feet away, she would have discarded this miko like the other ones.

 

Finding an open spot on one of Aita's attacks, she used a Migi-kote (strike to the right wrist) where Aita was holding her jo. Thus, removing Aita's weapon. Summer-salting to her weapons, she was able to retrieve it. As a final blow, Kagome used the Uchiotoshi waza* to finally end the match. The blow caused another opening for Kagome, resulting in a yoko men (strike to the side of the head just above the ear).

 

(A/N: *Uchiotoshi waza is a technique of striking an opponent's sword downward and taking advantage of the attacker's unbalanced position. Again, I replaced the sword with a jo. Humor me!)

 

Aita stood with her hand close to her ear. She was breathless and tired. “Maitta (I'm beaten)!” By the sound of her voice, everyone noted that she was not pleased.

 

Kagome removed the jo from Aita's side and threw the jo aside. Both miko o tagai ni rei*. “Let me be the first to congratulate you here on your excellent jukuren (skill) and spiritual ki,” Kagome watched as Aita nodded in thanks. “Honored guests, let us go to the western side of the gardens and enjoy the performance of the dancers while we eat.”

 

(A/N: *O tagai ni rei is a mutual bow to your partner; a bow command used in traditional schools at the beginning and end of each class mainly referring to disciples of that ryu (school))

 

All the men and women walked to the side of the palace where a large table was set out. Each guest was being seated by the okami. Han remained at the back of the crowd in order to apologize to Kagome before they sat down.

 

As she came into view, she allowed Han to take her hand and escort her to her seat. Before they sat down, she pushed a small piece of parchment into his sleeve and went to sit next to her father. He was seated in front of her, but what bothered him most was that the samurai was placed right next to her. Han noticed how her gaze was not focused. Her entire demeanor was not normal and her clipped answers only worried him more. Perhaps because, he thought, of the way he had accused her last night. Still, this was not a normal response. If she were mad at him, then wouldn't he have been kicked out by now?

 

Following the afternoon lunch, the guests were offered an escorted visit to the shrine or to the village marketplace. Some simply preferred to stay and rest before the nightly entertainment which promised to bring quite the excitement. When Han stood, he hoped to pull Kagome aside, but like before, she had slipped his grasp. He hated what he was about to do, yet desperate times called for desperate measures. Han approached the hated kid.

 

“Sumimasen, Haroki.”

 

“It's Hiroyaki, my lord,” spat Hiro from clenched teeth.

 

“Gomen, Haroki,” Han smirked inwardly at the samurai's angry frown.

 

“Hai?”

 

“I wish to speak with Kagome. Do you happen to know where she went?”

 

Hiro tried to remain calm, which was resulting very hard. “It is Lady Kagome and no I don't know where she could have gone. If it is an important matter, may I suggest that you take it up with the okami?”

 

“I would rather speak to Kagome. But thank you.” Han had no choice but to wait for her in her room. If he ventured into the village, he might just get lost without his excellent sense of smell. The imperial city seemed bigger in his ningen state.

 

He had to wait for the entire service staff to exit the palace for him to sneak into Kagome's room and wait for her. Once inside, he inhaled her scent which at the moment was not strong as usual, due to his physical weakness, but the scent was there nonetheless. As the minutes went by he remembered the small parchment she had slipped into his sleeve. Carefully, opening it, he read its contents.

 

 

We need to talk. Meet me in the glade before the sun sets. Until then, refrain from any contact with me.

 

K.

 

 

Folding the paper once more, he replayed the words in his mind. It troubled him, to say the least. But there was no Kagome in sight, so all he could do was wait. However, if she returned to find him here, that would upset her. He stood and quietly made his way to his own guest room.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

The shrine was filled with every day villagers and some of the guests from the palace. Knowing the temple like the back of my hand, I made my way to the back. There I found Kazuo, in zazen (sitting meditation). Quietly sitting and hoping not to break his concentration, I closed my eyes to join him.

 

A few moments later, we both opened our eyes at the same time. Though the temple itself was full of loud whispers, this room offered the privacy necessary to meditate and pray.

 

“It seems the jewel has finally found its permanent home?”

 

“Hai.”

 

“You are sure about this?”

 

“Hai.”

 

He lowered his head. “Then I suppose I must congratulate you on your decision. Both Lady Midoriko and Kyo would be proud.”

 

“Arigatou.” Not for one moment did we glance in each other's direction. “I need you to look after a small child I will send your way. Please keep her here until you find her a home.”

 

“You're going to Nara after you let the okami know of your decision, I presume.”

 

“Of course. Will you do what I ask?”

 

He nodded once. “I'll pray for happiness in your new life.”

 

I bowed and exited the shrine, taking the path that lead through the woods.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

Thankfully, my father had accepted my excuse for some needed rest. That would give me enough time to come and go. I went to the palace stables to retrieve Kirara, who had been ordered to stay there by the okami. Apologizing to her, I untied her chain. She bumped my head in acceptance, knowing full well that all this was done against my will. Apparently, most guests were afraid that Kirara, like many youkai, would harm them when she had the chance.

 

I had to ride sideways because of the irotome I was wearing for the evening. When we landed, I asked Kirara to wait for me by the river. She transformed back to her smaller form and sat by the river's edge.

 

It was hard to know if Sesshoumaru was here already, but a very small ki alerted me to his presence inside the cave. But he wasn't the only one here. The presence was here too and every cell in my body knew that she was only here to enjoy my pain. I stopped at the entrance and willed myself to go on with what I was about to do.

 

The candles inside were all lit up and his scent overlapped that of the melting wax. He was sitting on one of the chests at the far left. He instantly smiled, stood and began walking to me. I lifted a hand to stop him in his tracks.

 

“Matte. Stay where you were.” He walked back and sat down.

 

“Just like that night you told me about your fear, I will ask you to listen to me and don't speak.” He looked puzzled and thought about what I just said. It was apparent that he did not like it, but he nodded anyways.

 

“You...” I paused to swallow that huge lump in my throat, “are something to me between dream and miracle. I find more peace in you than I thought I could find in the entire world. You have always been there when I needed you. Even though we don't always agree with each other, our friendship has always prevailed. You have taught me kindness and understanding-”

 

You have given me the ability to find love in the world.

 

He remained still, his eyes glistening with something akin to comprehension. He knew where this was going but made no movement to stop me. So, I continued.

 

“I have come to know and care for you like I've never known and cared for another. I would go to any lengths to keep you safe...”

 

Because I want you to know that anytime you reach for me, you'll find me there.

 

Standing more rigid and a sneer on my face, I licked my lips. “But in all this, I cannot forget who I really am and who you really are - a miko and a youkai.”

 

Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes.

 

“Tell me, Sesshoumaru. Do you care for me?”

 

His brow wrinkled. “What?”

 

“Just answer the question. Do you or do you not?” I snapped

 

His cheeks flushed, he didn't hesitate. “With all my heart.”

 

Believing him in this, and everything he ever said, I let out my breath slowly and ran my hand over the nearest wall, the granite smooth beneath my fingers. “Kagome, you do believe me, don't you?”

 

I looked at him. “Yes, Sesshoumaru, I do believe you,” I answered stoically.

 

“Thank Kami!” He crossed the distance between us in a stride and gathered me into his arms. I stood stiff and still, willing myself not to be swayed by the desire his embraces always engendered.

 

I called upon my darkened dormant powers. Instantly, I felt my black aura encircle me as the ever-living monster in me awakened and smelled youkai blood. My entire being pulsed with the natural feeling of someone who was used to killing and making the death as painful as possible.

 

Pushing him off me with enough force to break a normal human's bones, he slid back and raised questioning eyes at me. “I told you that I hate being touched.”

 

“I thought you would like me being nice to you. Sorry.”

 

“Why would you do something nice for me?”

 

“Because you and I are friends. I like being nice to you.”

 

Ever skeptical, I let my hatred envelope me. “What do you care about that?”

 

“I just do.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I'm sensing you keep having trouble with my being nice to you.”

 

“Yeah,” I said. “I do. No one is nice. Especially not to me.”

 

“Kagome- ”

 

“I don't want your pity.” I saw the hurt in his eyes, but it only made my resolve strengthen. “Or your kindness. Just stay out of my way and out of my life. I don't need to be playing babysitter to a spoiled dog prince. I want to rid this land of your disgusting kind. One day your name will appear on my list and I will not hesitate in killing you.”

 

“Why is it so important to you that you kill everyone around you? Why do you hate everyone?”

 

To his dismay, he had touched a very tender subject. Something I had learned to do but never allowed myself to use, I reached out to him and placed one hand on his shoulder.

 

His entire body became rigid as his mind took in all I had to show. “Stop!” he cried, unable to bear it.

 

“That is a ten second glimpse of years of torture I have endured because of someone's avarice and cruelty. Any more questions?”

 

Sesshoumaru could barely breathe. He just shook his head. His eyes met mine for only a second before my coldness made him look away.

 

“Then I hope you can appreciate what I'm going to do for you, Barky.” I took a deep breath. “I want you to leave and never come back.”

 

He gasped, and listened dumbfounded, at what I was going to do. “Leave me alone, Sesshoumaru. Don't try to see me, or talk to me, or come anywhere near me. In a few weeks I'll be going to my new home in Nara and if you truly consider me a friend as claim, you will stay away. If you do this, I will make a mental note to kill you swiftly when I am called to take your head.”

 

My own heart ached to think of that long separation and the look in his eyes nearly stripped me of my determination. But I meant what I said: I had to for his sake.

 

“You are closing any arguments here.” He looked at me, sadness and anger in his voice.

 

“Let us part now in good terms, than later in hatred.”

 

After a long pregnant pause, he laughed and stood walking past me. “Maybe we should have never met.”

 

The pain in my heart at his words was almost unbearable, but I needed to keep face. If not for me, then for him. “Indeed.”

 

He was exiting when he turned once more and walked in again. He stopped when he was directly in front of me. He hugged me lightly and whispered in my ear, “I hope that through our friendship I've enriched your life in some small way. You have certainly made me richer by far. You've soaked up my heart and `translated' me to the world.”

 

Sesshoumaru let go and walked off. At the edge, he yelled without stopping, “Ja mata, Kagome.”

 

“No.” He halted but did not turn. “Sayonara... Lord Sesshoumaru.”

 

Her laughter rang loudly in my head. Oh, she definitely did enjoy my misery. One day, I was going to find out who she was and make her pay.

 

I kept the tears a bay and waited for his silhouette to disappear with the sun. I walked down the stones that formed steps up to the cave entrance. I watched the sun disappear and the last of its rays die with the coming night.

 

After some time, though, “Do you plan to stay in the shadows forever? Or did you think that pathetic excuse for a masking spell would work on me?”

 

The silent observer, who had been there since I arrived, stepped out. His silver hair was flowing and his demanding presence made everything in the forest seem dull. Even without his armor, he commanded respect. “I'll work on that.”

 

“He won't come back. Do not worry.”

 

“I don't.”

 

“Then why else would you be here.”

 

“I was actually looking for you. When I was heading towards your home, I caught your scent trailing in this direction.”

 

“I know why you were looking for me.”

 

“Do you now?” the surprise evident in his voice.

 

“You heard what was said. So you don't have to pretend. You can go back to your lands and finally relax. I have known from the beginning he has been sneaking out.”

 

He walked closer to me and sat on a large rock that went up the cave's mouth. “What makes you think that any of that which was said in there will make me relax?”

 

“Once the official ritual is performed tomorrow, nothing could be done to reverse it. He will not be able to come near me even if he tried. I, for one, plan to live my life in my home and only travel when absolutely necessary. If he is the man you raised him to be, and who I know he is, he will keep his word and stay away.”

 

“And you?”

 

“What about me?” I asked with indifference.

 

“Do you plan to stay away from him?”

 

I glared at him, but I would not give him the satisfaction of letting my anger show. “I have no reason to seek him out.”

 

“Do you love him?” His question caught me completely off guard.

 

“Love is not a word that I have had the misfortune of experiencing. I only know of it through what I have seen and therefore somewhat concluded.”

 

“Then, pray tell what it is that you have `concluded'.”

 

For a moment I was at a loss. “When I think of love, I think of hope, togetherness and sharing. When I think of love, I think of simple things, a simple life. Those are things that I can never have with anyone. But I do want Sesshoumaru to have all that with someone who can and not with someone like me who never will be able to. So, Daiyoukai, I hope this will be our last encounter.”

 

I bowed and mounted Kirara. “You did not answer my question.”

 

Kirara was already walking when I talked, my back to him. “Love is being happy for the other person even when they are with someone else. Love is knowing that the other person will always be with you regardless of what happens. It is missing the other person when they are away but remaining near in heart at all times. Love is the source of security, the source of reality.”

 

We disappeared within the shadows of the forest before he could inquire more.

 

~~~~~~~~~~