InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Chou Shoki I: Learning from Yesterday ❯ Chapter 42 ( Chapter 42 )

O! had my Fate been join'd with thine.

 

Perhaps, his peace I could destroy,

And spoil the blisses that await him;

Yet let my Rival smile in joy,

For thy sake, I cannot hate him.

- Lord Byron, “To A Lady”

 

 

CHAPTER 42

 

1204 A.D ~ late OCTOBER

 

I had made the long trip to the South in search of the herbs and to seek out Michiru. It took a good three days without stop. I found her practicing her swordsmanship outside her palace grounds. To my surprise, her palace attendants welcomed Eriko and I like one of their own. Her parents offered me a room to rest but I kindly refused. After a long talk about my reason for visiting and dismissing the rumors of my supposed death, Michiru was given permission to show us the place within their territory where the specific herbs grew. I remained calm, all the while aware that my masking spell could give out at any second.

 

On our walk, the spell finally evaporated, causing Michiru to almost choke on her words and almost fall down. Thankfully, her own joy at our union won and she wished me all the happiness in the world. She did admit that she hadn't quite expected it given our rocky start. As sincere as her elation was, I was aware that it had more to do with the fact that a certain red-head inu youkai was not the recipient of my affection. I didn't push for any answers because to be honest, had the masking spell not wore out I would have not told her of my mating. At least, not yet. However, my visit had been mostly in vain. From what Michiru could tell me, it was only after a `bonding ceremony' (which she mentioned with a side grin since the ceremony is `supposed' to be celebrated BEFORE being mated) was performed, that the alpha male would tell both mated youkai about the specifics of their mating. Apparently it was a rule amongst the youkai communities. What she could tell me was that Sesshoumaru could easily control when I could be impregnated due to my time `in heat' (which she explicitly explained, to my horror!). We could easily have one, two or no pups ― again because a union such as ours had never occurred. Michiru tried to comfort and encourage me during our small conversation

 

On my behalf, I told her about what had happened since we had last seen each other, why I had not responded to her letters and of my plans so far. I eventually introduced her to Eriko, whom I had completely forgotten and was half asleep on the horse trailing behind us. I stayed overnight at their home only for Eriko's sake. Early the next morning, we made our way back to Kamakura with a promise to visit them again; a promise which I was not about to make good on any time soon.

 

As the days came and went, I found myself returning to my old duties. It seemed little had changed. Still, my promise to my father kept me tied down to Kamakura. Every week, after dinner and before the army training, I would sit by the pond with Hiroyaki. We would talk about everything and nothing. I discovered that the time spent with him was not as unpleasant as I had first thought. I learned things about him that I would have never guessed and I realized that there were a few ideologies we shared. There were times when I would even find myself wishing that I were a normal girl with him as a normal friend. But it left as fast as it came. The rest of the time I spent anticipating my husband's arrival. Hiro was the only one that believed that Kirara would return. I was thankful for his optimism in my life.

 

My father had become less concerned with my whereabouts with Hiroyaki at my side most of the time. I rarely left the castle grounds in the entire month and if I did it was not more than half a day's walk. The usual youkai and ningen attacks still surfaced. It was the youkai attacks, nevertheless, that left me wary. At times, when I fought them, the spelled waned and it seemed that they caught Sesshoumaru's scent. I took no chances and disposed of them. A huge part of me was worried, but nothing ever came. I could only hope that it would remain like that until I left.

 

By the middle of the month, however, I was surprised by someone's visit...

 

As I walked to my room, I felt a demonic aura nearing. It was still far, but approaching at an alarming rate and full of anger. My heart quickened and my breath hitched at the possibility of Sesshoumaru finally coming. However, when the demonic aura was within my sensing range, I realized that it wasn't him.

 

The realization of who it was, nevertheless, gave me pause. What could he of all beings be doing here? He couldn't possibly be here to see me, could he?

 

I swiftly tossed my belongings into my quarters, grabbed my cloak and took the back exit out of the palace grounds. The two guards near had asked if I needed them, but I merely sent a glare their way and kept going. As I approached the area where the river became a fork, I stopped. I opened up my senses to any other who was coming this way. It was a great relief to note that no human, youkai, or other creature was within the vicinity. More than probably, it was due to the extreme cold and the snow.

 

“You mated him,” were the angry words that snapped my head towards the dense forested area.

 

I didn't even think twice. In all honesty, it was more my survival instincts that reacted and a spiritual arrow flew at him. To my shock, there was a burst of blue dust just like with any other demon.

 

“Mere d'un Dieu (mother of God),” I breathed. Wait! Did I even know what I said?! I paused. Yes, I did. But how?

 

My eyes fell back to the spot where I had heard his voice. The youkai was....

 

Entering the area from the right, on the opposite side of the river!

 

My jaw almost dropped as he sauntered through the freezing river with an arrogant swagger and a less-than-amused smirk. He pinned me with a droll stare as he moved to stand a few feet away from me, still inside the water. Just by the outline of his body, it was painfully obvious that he was trying to keep his cool.

 

I couldn't really see him. The present cycle of the moon did little to light the heavily forested area. Nevertheless, I knew who it was. The question here still was: what was he doing here?

 

“Could you please refrain from theatrics? I really hate it when arrows come flying at me. It seriously infuriates me and it ruins a perfectly good haori.” I looked at the hole on his haori by the upper shoulder that the arrow had burned when going through it.

 

He certainly was a snotty bastard. Not that I didn't deserve a degree of snottiness seeing how I'd just tried to kill him - again. Still, he could be a little more understanding, especially since, he was a demon.

 

He stepped out of the shadows. Neither his face nor his body showed any signs of anger anymore. His eyes, however, were burning holes through my head. He stepped closer, making his way through the freezing water, until he was nearly at arms length. Then, he stopped, regarding me as if he couldn't believe I was really there. His gaze was accusing and... hurt? Maybe the poor light was affecting my vision.

 

“Do you care for him?” Again his words were dark and barely contained.

 

I cocked my head and glared up into his blue eyes. Something about the way he was staring at me told me that my answer was crucial to him in one way or another. Despite the menacing flare in his aura, I refused to cower. “Is it any of your business?”

 

His hands fisted and suddenly he took one step before the familiar push of Sesshoumaru's mark kept him still - barely. It was a rather fast movement, that I had not anticipated and the sensation that came with my mating mark took me by surprise. In fact, it was my survival instincts that kicked in once more when I unknowingly conjured a spiritual bow and arrow.

 

He stopped struggling with the barrier and looked down at me. “You think I would hurt you?” I didn't need to look at his pale blue eyes to hear the hurt laced in his words. However, as I gazed into them, I had to swallow. “I mean you no harm, Kagome.”

 

I called back my powers and brought my hands down to my sides. We stayed like that for a long time. He didn't seem to want to break the silence.

 

“What are you doing here, Ujio? I know how much you hate me. So your reason for visiting cannot be a friendly one.” There was something about this inu youkai in particular that did something to my insides I couldn't explain.

 

In spite of the situation, I took a moment to really look at him. He was afraid of me and angry at himself for that fear, I could feel it deep inside myself. But he was trying hard to disguise it.

 

I could respect him for that.

 

In the end he was wise to fear me. I could kill him as easily as he blinked. Yet I didn't want to hurt him. For some strange reason, I didn't even want him to fear me, and that was something I'd never experienced before.

 

Even from that first meeting, I knew that however infuriating and haughty he was, there was something that would have never let me kill him. There was something in the way he talked. The way he walked, with that dark gloom that escaped most that usually surrounded him. I wondered vaguely if his brothers ever noticed it. It was as if he kept something that he didn't want anyone to know about or see. In some delusional and idiotic part of my mind I thought he reminded me of myself. How pathetic!

 

“You didn't answer my question,” he whispered. The cold breeze swept his onyx hair, the movement causing the black tresses to caress my arms. It was then that I noticed he had left his hair down. The braid that usually kept it back was not there. Perhaps it was the longing for Sesshoumaru, but Ujio's nearness and husky voice enthused me.

 

The inu youkai before me was without a doubt one of the choicest examples of his gender. His pitch black hair framed a perfectly masculine face. His well-sculpted cheeks were covered with two days' worth of whiskers that added a savage, fierce look to him. It wasn't like me to be attracted to anyone especially now, given the circumstances. Dear Kami, if Sesshoumaru didn't come soon I might start finding the old palace guards appealing!

 

“Hai.”

 

Ujio stiffened for a moment, his eyes sweeping over my face. Then, “Indeed”. He turned and began walking away.

 

“Is that all you came for?” I asked confused.

 

He didn't turn around and continued as if he'd shut me out the moment he gave his back to me. “Where is Sesshoumaru?” I had to know. What if something had happened to him? Was that the reason he was here?

 

Again, he paused. He didn't turn though. “Are you alive?”

 

“What?” I replied, more angry than confused.

 

“Are you alive?” he repeated.

 

“Hai.”

 

“Then he's not dead.” And when the last word left his mouth he disappeared.

 

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Ujio felt her presence like a sizzling caress the moment she appeared by the river. Gods, she was incredibly beautiful standing there under the moonlight and his body reacted to her with an intensity that surprised him.

 

He shook his head. Whether or not there had been a small attraction to the miko, it no longer mattered. If the fact that being a miko and human wasn't bad enough, now she belonged to another. And not just any other, but his brother and friend. He was a killer, not a traitor. But the idea of seeing her had been so overwhelming these past few weeks that he had been barely able to contain himself around Sesshoumaru. It was unbearable to be anywhere near his brother without his eyes traveling to where his mating mark was concealed.

 

`Kagome belongs to Sesshoumaru.'

 

He repeated the phrase to himself every moment until it drove him crazy. And just earlier, he realized he couldn't take it anymore. Regardless of their union, he needed to know. He had to know. It was impossible to mate without a soul connection between inu youkai. The proof of such connection was the appearance of identical markings within mates after their first union. Did Kagome bear Sesshoumaru's mark?

 

As he stood waiting for her to come closer, he remembered his last argument with his father.

 

FLASHBACK

 

All three young inu youkai stood to leave. Sesshoumaru exited first; he had a trip to the mainland he couldn't avoid. Juro quickly followed to ensure that his younger brother left with the necessary items.

 

The eldest of the three had barely placed a hand on the shoji.

 

“Ujio,” the Inu no Taishou's voice rang in the dark, tall room.

 

Ujio stopped and turned to his father, closing the door to the study when he saw the look he recognized.

 

“Hai, chichi-ue?”

 

“You can't keep running from your responsibilities, pup.”

 

“I don't run from anything, chichi-ue. I simply refuse to be forced into something I never wanted,” he spat.

 

Keiji stood and walked to the balcony, motioning with his hand to follow him. Ujio went to stand by his side. It was nearing dusk now. He glanced at his father's profile.

 

His father.

 

No other would ever hold that title in his eyes. The Inu no Taishou might not have sired him, but he had raised him and been more of a father than Iwao could have ever been. Memories surged that wrought painful in his soul.

 

He wouldn't be worrying about this if his father hadn't been too stupid and…

 

“For your pride, you would see those that depend on you die? Those are acts of a fearful and misguided leader. They are your family as well. You owe them.”

 

“They choose to die because they want to. I have never said I would go back. I never said I would be what they want me to be. I hate that place and if it were up to me, I would have burned it down the moment we left.”

 

Crossing his arms behind him, the Inu no Taishou stared down at his son. “I know why you refuse to go back. And it has nothing to do with the place as much as what It represents.” He placed a hand on his eldest pup. “Let go of your anger, Ujio, and forgive. Look at what it did to Kagome. What it is still doing to her.”

 

Unvoluntarily, an image of the miko came to him. The sound of her voice, her hypnotizing voice. He couldn't help the shiver than ran up his spine. It only angered him more to know that while not physically present, the simplicity of her name was able to stir in him things he knew shouldn't be there.

 

“I am not angry, chichi-ue. But that doesn't mean I can forget,” he replied. “Can't I just stay here? You once told me that if I wanted I could become your lieutenant.”

 

Keiji pressed his lips together. “I'm not asking you to leave. And yes, the offer still stands. But I want you to think about this more before you make a decision. Besides, there is also the little matter of tradition.”

 

The younger demon stiffened. Of course, how could he forget about that stupid little tradition in his family. Even he couldn't ignore it. Unfortunately, the time was nearing and he could feel it. His body was beginning to prepare itself.

 

“I'm sure that I can deal with it when the time comes,” he remarked.

 

His father chuckled. “Can you? Believe me, Ujio, it's nothing you or any one of us can handle. A mate and pups will always come before anything.”

 

Ujio thought of Kagome again for some reason. “Like I said, I'll deal with it when the time comes. There's no need to fret about something that isn't here yet.”

 

“Have you thought about a possible candidate?”

 

Well, yes. But the “candidate” was someone that scared the hell out of him. Plus she stirred in him things that he thought long dead. A walking contradiction, she could awaken tenderness in a male, and at the same time, rouse the desire to wring her creamy, slender neck. That, and she had a nasty habit of trying to kill him whenever they were in close proximity. “Not really.”

 

The Inu no Taishou walked back to his desk. “There's still time.”

 

Taking his words as a dismissal, Ujio bowed quickly and walked to the door. His father stopped him again. “Think about what I said before. You must take your rightful place.” Then he said, “You're mother would have wanted that.”

 

Gritting his teeth, he nodded without looking.

 

END OF FLASHBACK

 

That was why he was here. He had sneaked off the Crescent Moon after his chichi-ue took off to a meeting in the Southern Lands regarding Juro. He had an idea what it was but until his father returned, neither Juro nor he would know exactly what was discussed.

 

Ujio gazed at her again. She looked different somehow. Her scent rippled throughout the area intermingled with that of Sesshoumaru's. He was surprised she was not hiding it. Her eyes closed off, as she searched for any unwanted presence. He was struck again by the woman and he had to restrain himself from doing something as stupid as challenging Sesshoumaru.

 

Stupid, indeed!

 

It was as if she made contact with his soul every time she drew near him. Something that was completely impossible since he hadn't owned a soul in a little more than two hundred years. Ujio didn't know what it was about Kagome but his body reacted wildly to her presence.

 

The moment he made himself known, she almost killed him. He, however, reacted more out of possessiveness that came more with being around her than that of his inu youkai nature. And when he asked her what he'd been dreading to know, he was shocked to find her just as cold as always. He had imagined that having someone to show her love, she would finally be more open.

 

And yet as he had stood, only one thing echoed in his head - the sound of her laughter. He'd heard her laughing before when she had sung to those human children. It was a lush, musical sound that rolled out of her. Hearty.

 

He wanted to hear it again.

 

The thing that hurt him the most perhaps had been when she stepped back and prepared herself for an attack. He'd never hurt her. He'd die before laying a finger on her. The idea was ludicrous he had to admit. Especially given his hate for miko. And for that hatred that had led him to do things. Things that had been weighing him down the moment he met her.

 

But now, having seen the crescent moon barely visible between her brows, he understood. Surprisingly, he didn't feel as bad as he thought he might feel. Perhaps he'd been wrong all along. Feeling rather stupid and angry at both himself and her, he turned back home

 

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The Imperial army's training went without a hitch. With each passing day, they became a stronger, more integrated unit. On father's decree, Hiroyaki would be made general by the end of the month and I had to say that it had not surprised me. Out of all the samurai, he was the one that put his heart in the training and had far surpassed any expectations on both my father's and my part. The entire army held such respect for him despite his young age. In addition, I undertook, with the help of Kazuo, the training of Eriko as future priestess of Kamakura. She also amazed us with her willingness to learn and the results of her training. She turned out to be a quick learner for someone that was being taught so late in her childhood.

 

Three quarters into the month, the time of my trip came, and still there was no sign of Sesshoumaru. A small portion of me began to worry and even worse, I began to doubt he would ever return. After all, he had already taken my most prized possession...and was it not what every male wanted? I tried telling myself that he was not the same and that he would return any day now. More than anything, I tried to convince my own mind that the demon was full of surprises. He could easily pop up any day before the set time. But unfortunately, it was only one of the many doubts that would begin to encompass our relationship.

 

During my trip, I was once again brought down by the painful episodes. Ryuu was there thankfully, as always offering what little help he could. After it, he questioned me about Sesshoumaru. Again, I attempted to make him see all the good in my husband. There was so little progress, but I could not ask for more. I was, though, the recipient of several scolding concerning Kirara. For an instant, all the blood went down to my feet. Luckily Ryuu was too busy yelling at me to notice. He asked over and over why Kirara spent most days in his furusato and what was worse, would leave hastily at the utter of my name. Letting out a breath, I explained to him that Kirara and I had had conflicting views on what was good for me and had adamantly refused to support my decisions. Of course, I hadn't put it past him to connect the dots. If he did, he only shook his head in disapproval but said nothing more. As morning came, we agreed on our future meeting and parted.

 

When we slept that night, I had another encounter with Yasuhani. To my complete disappointment, that damn shoji still separated us. It continued to be a barrier between us. During several dreams, we had both tried almost everything to break it. Nothing worked. He was becoming more impatient and I couldn't blame him for so was I. As I continued galloping back to Kamakura (Eriko had been left with Kazuo for training), I reminisced on last night's dream.

 

DREAM

 

He slid down the door, muttering curses that I had never heard before. His breathing was ragged and I could feel his heat through the thin door. Unconsciously, I thought about him, without his white juban, chiseled chest glistening with sweat, hair a bit disheveled and golden-brown eyes burning with...

 

I stopped then and there and reprimanded myself for thinking of him in that way. It must have been due to time spent time away from Sesshoumaru. But a small voice in the back of my head, kept chanting that Yasuhani and Sesshoumaru were one and the same and that the man on the other side of the shoji was mine...mine to do as I please.

 

Too in thought, I didn't realize that my dream companion had not moved in the last minutes since I had begun to fantasize. I heard him growl. “What the hell are you doing in there?”

 

Stuttering my answer, I said, “No-nothing. I was just thinking about...something.”

 

He growled more deeply and slammed his hands on the door. For a second, I hoped that the motion had broken the door and he would come in and make love to me. Again, he growled, much, much lower in his throat. It was an animalistic, raw sound that shook my core and awoke a feeling of utter possessiveness within me.

 

He spoke, almost unrecognizable words. “Damn it...wench...stop what...your doing!” Evidently he was finding it hard to speak. “Whatever...you're...thinking....just...stop it! I can't...I don't...I don't think...I can bare...another second without...losing control.”

 

I reached out to the shoji where his palms were resting and superimposed my own. “Kami, help me, I feel the same way! I can't understand these feelings. I don't understand how you can make me feel so lost and so at home at the same time when I barely know you...when I barely know your name.”

 

“Keh! Crazy girl! What the hell you mean you don't know me?!” he asked as if I had lost my mind.

 

“You've never told me your real name and yet you've always known mine. I have asked since the beginning but you never answer me. Even on that first dream, under that tree, I wanted to know, but you only looked at me as if I was crazy. Only then I didn't know that we only met in dreams.”

 

“Don't be stupid! You know my name. You always have. And I won't tell you because you already know. I am yours and you are mine,” he chastised.

 

“I am yours and you are mine,” I repeated, without a doubt in my mind.

 

The different direction of the talk seemed to calm him a bit. He kneeled and placed his forehead against the shoji. “Wake up, princess. Wake up and come back home,” he whispered painfully.

 

I frowned with my forehead still against his. “If I wake up, you won't be there. You'll be gone, like you always do. You always fade away and leave me alone.”

 

He said nothing more for some minutes. Then, “I'm sorry. But I'll be there when you wake up this time. I swear.”

 

“No you won't.”

 

END OF DREAM

 

I was right. He was not there when I woke up that morning. Every dream, every touch, every gaze, every caress, every kiss, was burnt within my memory. I realized that I couldn't compare Yasuhani with Sesshoumaru because a big part of me was sure that they were one and the same. Every time I was with one, the other was coincidently far away. Shaking my head and avoiding a headache, I made my way quickly to my home.

 

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AUTHOR'S NOTE: VERY IMPORTANT

 

In this chapter, you will come upon two terms which I will explain here.

 

1. Meinar: This is a made up word. IT DOESN'T EXIST. So, please don't go looking it up. Kagome explains exactly what these creatures are. Since I will only be using them twice, I will only describe the particular ones that Kagome encounters. They have the head of an animal and the body of a muscular man; I created them to resemble the Minotaur, from Greek mythology.

 

2. Shisa: These creatures are traditional Ryukyuan decorations. Japanese people use them on their rooftops or flanking the gates to their houses. They are wards used to protect against various evils - guardians, if you will. Most of you have seen them, for example, on the entrances. They are a cross between lions and dogs.

 

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