InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Confrontation ❯ Hearbreak Fin--Determination ( Chapter 24 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

A/N: I do not own any of them, with the exception of Jouyoku and Miebi Kokushi!!

Chapter 24: Heartbreak- (Conclusion) Determination

The wind blew across her face as if it were her lover placing gentle kisses all over her face and neck. Turning so that her head was hidden she exhaled sluggishly but with enough force that all of the air rushed from her lungs. Lazily she rolled to her side while slowly opening her eyes. At first her vision was hazy so she blinked more than a few times and even rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand while she pushed herself up off the soft grass she was lying on with the other.

`How did I get here?' She thought to herself as she eyed her surroundings while stretching her arms high over her head allowing her back, neck and arm muscles to awaken. `Uhm, I needed that.' She thought as a quiet moan slipped from her lips.

The wind around her picked up slightly causing her to wrap her arms around her small body, `Why am I here?' She thought again. `I know I didn't walk here. I couldn't have…did Inu…No he wouldn't have, he would've taken me home, well back to his hut. Wouldn't he?' She didn't have any answers for any of the questions the plagued her confused mind.

Looking up she smiled; the night's sky was beautiful. There seemed to be a billion and three stars dancing above her, all twinkling just for her benefit. The fireflies that seemed to only exist in abundance in this era were all around her as if they were calling her to come play and dance with them. Watching them go about their nightly duty caused her mind to travel to the reason she was out here alone, `Inuyasha'.

Pushing herself up and off the ground so that she was standing she stretched again then started to brush herself off; removing all the bits and pieces of grass that had accumulated on her clothing and in her hair. `I'm so stupid. Why did I run away from him? Why didn't I just leave well enough alone? He didn't really say anything hurtful to me…did he? Now look at me?

“Damn.” She hissed through her teeth as she placed her hands on her hips and turned in a slow tight circle surveying the landscape again.

Her eyes grew to size of small saucers when she realized just where she was. Her mind was racing a mile a minute. Did he bring her here, and if he did, why? What did it mean? Was he trying to tell her something? If it wasn't him…

“Fuck” She hissed quietly. Cursing had never really been something that she did but today just hadn't been her day. First it was Sango and her tantrum, then Ayame with her accusations, and then she practically freaked out on Inuyasha and now this.

`You' re so stupid! Always overreacting, to everything. Now look at you!' There was not a hint of kindness in the voice that rattled on and on in her head telling her how much of an ass she had been. She had taken her anger out on the one person that had not offended her, the one person that tried to calm and soothe her in the only manner he knew of.

What did she expect him to say when she asked him how he felt about her wanting to be with Koga? What was she expecting when she blindly ran away from her best friend, her savior, her confidant, her heart, and her soul?

Maybe she wanted him to chase her and force her to listen, maybe she wanted him to drop from the trees and pledge his undying love for her, maybe she wanted him to chase her and when he caught her she wanted him to shove her to the ground and ravage her needy wanton virgin body, maybe…maybe she had read one too many romance novels.

Reluctantly she walked over to the only thing that was both a welcoming sight and a definite sign that something was not right.

Sitting down on the ledge she sighed to herself as she allowed her shoulders to slump forward ever so slightly. Maybe she didn't really want to know why she was here. Or perhaps she already knew, but tonight and for as long as she possibly could…denial would be her friend and her companion.

Glancing up at the sky she whispered, “how did I get here?” She wasn't sure is she was asking about her present location or her current situation with Inuyasha, or maybe she was asking about both, but for her at least for now, there were no answers.

Simonkal of Inuy

As he walked he kept saying over and over in his head, `this is for the best. There's no other way. This way I'll keep her away from that pitiful excuse for a demon. If she's not here then I can't hurt her. She'll understand why I have to do this.'

He tried to make himself believe that he was doing the right thing. That this was the best thing for the both of them. But no matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't really make himself believe it. `Okay sure, I chose her as my mate, but she hasn't chosen me. So she should be okay even if I'm not.'

He knew that once his Youkai side had chosen her if he were to be separated from her he would go insane, maybe even die if the bond was strong enough, but he had hope.

They hadn't physically mated so he figured the only thing that he would have to deal with was the insanity that came with the loss of ones mate. If he survived that, then he would have to live the rest of his days alone, since he knew his Youkai would only choose and always crave just one.

He knew the road ahead with out her, would be hard, cold and lonely but he would sacrifice all eternity if it meant giving her just one second of happiness.

For the past few hours all he had been doing was thinking about her smile, the sound of her voice, the way her laugh started out as a small chuckle and turned into loud irritating cackle, the feel of her skin under his touch, the feel of her lips against his own, the feel of her body held tightly with in his arms, the smell of her hair, even the smell of her breath. He wanted to keep thinking about these things because he figured that if he could etch everything about her deep enough into his memory then she would always be with him. No matter how far apart they were she would always be there in his mind and in his heart.

Walking out of the forest he glanced up at the sky as he approached the clearing. Sure he thought it was a beautiful night but there was something condescending about it. For so many nights it had been gloomy almost rainy at times. The moon would only peek out from behind the large gray clouds every once and awhile, but tonight…the night when he was going to send her away back to her time. To a life that she should have never left, the stars decided to dance across the sky and the moon sat up there glaring down at him as if to say, “I will watch you loose your one true love, I will watch you send her away and I will smile as you weep.”

His heart sank as he turned away. The truth of his thoughts as silly as it seemed were almost too much to bare. Hiding his eyes beneath his bangs he trudged on, there was no turning back now. This was something that had to be done regardless of how much anguish he would be causing himself or how many tears she would shed.

Slowly a single tear trickled down his left cheek. “I'm sorry, Kagome.” He whispered as he raised his hand to wipe the evidence of his pain away.

As she came into view he stopped and tried to compose himself. She wasn't exactly where he had left her only moments ago but she was close.

He wasn't exactly sure how he ended up with her, since he couldn't even remember running after her. The last thing he did remembered was standing on his porch watching her run away from him and then it seemed like a mere second later he was in the middle of the forest, his forest with her sound asleep in his arms.

Missing Time

The pain, his fear of rejection, his inability to fathom the thought of her not wanting him, not being able to touch her, hold her, see her smile, and hear her voice it was too much. Stepping back away from reality and into his mind. His eyes flashed red then back to gold as he tried to loose himself within himself.

Before he knew it his body was moving seemingly gliding of it's own accord. The faster he ran the closer the smell of salt and tears came to him, but he didn't care. His pain…the pain that she had inflicted on him with her words was a formidable foe.

Leaping into the highest branches of the trees he gracefully leaped from branch to branch making sure to keep her with in his sights, while also making sure that she didn't know he was there. He was a predator and she was his prey so why was he afraid to approach her, afraid to allow her to see him.

The smell of her tears ate at his soul, which was something that he had never felt before. Why did this woman make him feel like this? What was it about her that always sent him back into the dark recesses of the Hanyous' mind? Why did he cower to her? She wasn't even a demon and yet to him it was like she was the strongest one he had ever combated. Fear…did he fear her, but why? He feared nothing and no one.

His only purpose for living and breathing was to destroy any and everything with in his reach, and yet this frail dark haired women that sat weeping at the base of a smaller tree with her red puffy cheeks and swollen eyes even now silently called him, gently soothe his savage soul.

He wanted to turn and run away, he wanted to leave her here wallowing in her pain. This was his chance for freedom. He had been locked away for so long within the Hanyou's mind and now today the ties that bound him had been released allowing him to surface…to take control of this body…his body, but for the life of him he couldn't move from his perch. He could only sit there staring at her wondering why she entranced him so.

After watching her char the bushes that lined the tiny clearing he watched her practically collapse against a small tree as if every ounce of strength that she had, had just been sucked from her body. Using his senses he noticed that her breathing started to even out as her shoulders slumped down away from her head. Seeing her head sort of flop forward he thought to him self, `Sleep'.

Unable to wait a moment longer, he leaped from the high branch he was perched on with out disturbing so much as a twig. For a moment he stood there admiring and despising her all at once. The part of him he had always hated, the part of him that controlled this body, that kept him locked away admired her and loved her. He however despised her for the simple fact that she controlled him and he didn't have a clue as to why or how that was possible. Even though he wanted to believe that, there was still something else about her that called to him beckoned the savage being he knew he was to come closer.

Daring a closer look at her he slowly walked up so that he was now towering over her. To an on looker it would have appeared that he was mere seconds from gutting her as he stood there quietly staring down on her predatorily with his elongated claws and fangs. A single purple streak ran across either side of his face, his eyes were the color of warm blood pouring from a freshly opened wound.

Contrary to his looks his inner most being wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch her, maybe then he would know what it was about her that bewildered a being such as him.

Kneeling down so that he balanced his weight on the balls of his feet he tilted his head slowly from right to left and back again as if this was the first time that he had ever seen this type of creature, `pretty.'

Daring to get even closer to her, he reached out a hand slowly before pulling it back as if he expected her to attack him.

After taking another moment to look at her he seemed to loose control of his body because before he knew it he was running one of his long clawed fingers carefully and slowly down the bridge of her nose, along her jaw line and back again. Opening his palm he allowed it to barely touch her cheek. Quickly he pulled his hand away as he watched her eyelids flutter but they didn't open. She intrigued him even more now than she had moments ago.

He didn't know why and he definitely wouldn't have been able to explain it but he had an overwhelming urge to grab her and hold on to her.

Allowing his basic instincts to take over he gently picked her up and cradled her close to his chest as he turned and walked deeper into the forest following the desires and whispers of his foremost self who wanted nothing more than to protect the girl.

Disappearing into the thick undergrowth one thought came to mind, `mate.'

End Missing Time

As much as he would've have liked to pretend that he was fine with what he was about to do he couldn't. Glancing up at her then back at the ground again he sighed as he heard her question filter into his mind, `how did I get here?' He knew she was would've been confused about why she was here, but he also knew she wasn't dumb. She would easily put two and two together and figure it out.

She seemed to be lost with in her own thoughts since she didn't even sense his approach. “I brought you here.” He stated as he walked up to her from behind. Stopping a few feet away he watched as she slowly stood and turned to face him.

“Inu…Yasha” She started to say but stopped when she noticed what he held out in front of him. Looking from her yellow bag that she carried everywhere with her to his face she took a step back as her thoughts started to spiral out of control. `He's doing it! He's sending me away!' Shaking her head in a negative fashion repeatedly she felt her heart and her world shatter into a million pieces. “W…what are y…you doing?” She whispered trying desperately to hold onto her last shred of sanity.

Unable to look at her he hid his eyes beneath his long ragged bangs as he answered her, “I…I…” He stuttered unable to form the words that he had rehearsed in his mind for so many hours while she slept. Inhaling deeply he tried again, “I figured you'd need this.”

“For what? W…why would I need it?” She stated as her legs started to give out from under her. Staggering slightly she gripped the side of the well to regain her balance. `Please Kami if your up there please don't let him do this! Don't let him send me away!' She shouted in her head as her vision started to blur slightly from the tears that was building within her tear ducts.

He started to take a step towards her but stopped, “Kagome…”

“Don't do this Inuyasha! Don't say it! You can't…” She shouted. Her mind was running a mile ahead of her. Trying to figure out any and every possible way to get him to not do what she knew he was going to do.

Tossing the bag so that it landed at her feet he whispered, “I…I'm sorry.”

Taking a deep breath he figured there was no need to avoid the inevitable, “It's time for…you to go home…for good.” His heart lurched in his chest; he had to ball his hands into tight fists in order to keep from grasping it.

Looking down at her bag that now sat at her feet she tried to stave back the tears that had slowly started to leak over the edge of her eyelids. “You're sending home? Why? Please…just tell me why?” She cried as the saliva in her mouth thickened.

He wanted to run to her to tell her that he was joking, that he had just had a momentary lapse of sanity but he couldn't. This was the only way he could make sure that she was happy, that she had a future even if it was not with him.

The smell of her tears weighed heavy on his heart and chipped insistently at his soul begging him to comfort her no matter what the cost, but he was determined that he would stand strong. “Does it matter? You don't belong here…you never have.” He replied weakly. A small part of him died at that very moment but he had to go on, “Just go home, Kagome.”

Raising her hand so that it covered her mouth she tried to calm her breathing and the rapid beating of her heart. She tried to ignore the words he had just spoken but she couldn't. For what seemed like hours she heard them playing over and over in her mind, `you don't belong here…you never have. Go home, Kagome.' For a moment she stood there just looking at him unable to move, unable to think of anything other than his words, his request.

Feeling her eyes on him as if she was trying to look through him. He wanted to run and hide like she had so many times before. He wanted to bite out his tongue so that he wouldn't have to hurt her anymore, but more than anything else he wished that perhaps in another life where there were no demons, or jewels, no promises to be kept he would meet her and they would fall in love all over again.

Bending down she slowly picked up her bag. She tried, but for the life of her she couldn't think of anything that she could possibly say to change his mind. Tossing her bag over her shoulder she exhaled as she sadly looked up at the sky, “fine, I'll leave Inuyasha but you have to tell me why you're making me leave?”

Taking a step towards her his arms begged to hold her, to touch her one last time. “Kagome…”

Hearing him speak her name her last shred of sanity dwindled into nothingness, “JUST TELL ME WHY?” She screamed.

He knew she was angry and honestly she had every right to be. He also knew how she felt about him because he had eavesdropped and heard her confession, but he had never told her his feelings for her. Not once in all the years that they had known each other and now he was sending her away. The least he felt he could do was answer her question. But how was he supposed to do that with out hurting her anymore than he already had.

Realizing that she probably wasn't going to get an answer from him she started to turn towards the well but stopped, “before I go…answer one question for me.” She said as she dropped her bag next to the side of the well and walked over to him. Lifting her hand to his face she brushed aside his bangs so that she could look into his face one last time. “Inuyasha, do you…do you love me? Have you ever loved me?” She asked as the tears that were dwindling began to flow again at the sight of his face, his eyes and the wetness that she had never seen before in them.

Jerking his head away from her so that his bangs hid his eyes once again he responded coldly, “Will it make a difference, the end result will still be the same.” He in no way meant for it to come out like that, but she had seen the one thing no one was supposed to see. She saw that in matters of the heart he was just as weak as the rest of them, and this embarrassed him no matter how much his heart was hurting.

Hearing the coldness in his voice she stepped back and stared at him wide eyed. She didn't know what to think. He was standing less than 3 feet away from her with tears in his eyes. And still this baka was trying to shut him self off from her and push her away. Unable to control her self she reached out and slapped him in the face as hard as she could. She wasn't really sure why she did that, but for a fleeting moment a she felt at peace. Unfortunately that feeling faded just as quickly as it came.

Determined to stand her ground with him she balled her fist up at her side and gritted her teeth together. “What are you thinking? Am I just supposed to jump down that well and disappear from your life? Do you think it will be that easy to just erase me?” She questioned.

He stood there as if he was stuck on stupid. He couldn't believe she had just slapped him. He couldn't look at her; he refused to look at her. It wasn't that she had hurt him it was just the thought that once again this woman had taken him by surprise.

“Inuyasha, I love you. I've always loved you. I don't know what you're hoping to accomplish by sending me home, but it's only fair that you know that there's nothing there for me. Everything I am, everything I want is here in this era with you.”

“Kagome, please stop.” He begged not wanting to hear anymore. He had made his mind up that this was the best thing for the both of them.

Ignoring him she continued, “Before I fell down that well I didn't have a life. I don't even remember what I thought about before I met you. I've poured all my time and energy into this…into you and us, hoping that one day you would tell me that you love me and that I was your one and only.” Sighing she rubbed her hand across her face then continued, “I can't make you feel something you don't no matter how bad I want it, but at least now you know.” Turning away she started towards the well prepared to jump in for the last time but stopped when she heard his voice.

He stood there listening as she spoke. Each word that fell from her lips caused his heart to leap. For as long as he could remember all he has ever wanted was someone to love him for him, nothing more…just him. “Ka…Kagome, please try to understand that I…I can't give you what you want…what you deserve…no matter how much I want to.” He could feel the wetness of his tears starting to spill over so he turned so that his right side was facing her and his face was towards the Goshinbuko. “You can't stay here because you deserve better than some dingy hut, you deserve to be in your time with your people where someone like that hobo guy would be able to give you the kind of life a woman like you deserves.” Gulping down the thick saliva that was building in the back of his throat he continued, “If you stay with me it will just be one battle after the other, it will never end and I don't want that for you. It would only be a matter of time before I went out hunting or got in a fight with someone and ended up dead. Then where would that leave you?” Gazing up at his favorite tree he stated, “at one time I told myself that I would have forever with you, but I realize now that in this place…there's no such thing as forever…not for someone like me.” Turning to face her he allowed a tear to trail down the side of his cheek.

He had never opened up to her in such a manner and she knew that he probably never would again. Dropping her bag to the ground she ran to him throwing herself in to his chest determined that if he was going to get rid of her he would have to physically throw her down the well and snatch the jewel from around her neck because nothing would keep her away from him. Looking up at him she reached up and wiped away the tear that she was sure had escaped unnoticed by him.

“Kagome…” He whispered hoarsely.

Shaking her head as she fought her own tears she whispered, “no, I'm not leaving you. I don't care about forever…I just want now, today, this moment, and I'll take whatever else you can give me. If you make me go…” Reaching up she pushed his hair away from his face, “I'll die, Inuyasha. Without you…there is no me, don't you understand? She asked praying that he would.

“You can't,” he whispered as he reluctantly tried to pry her off of him.

“I'm sorry Inuyasha but your wrong this time.” Turning away from him she held her arms out in front of her and allowed her Miko energy to flow into them.

Looking in the direction of where her arms was pointing he yelled, “what in the hell are you doing?” As he gripped her waist from behind with one hand and knocked her arms away from the well with the other, “Are you crazy? You almost destroyed the well!”

Turning to face him she smiled, “if I had to choose between you and there, I will always choose you. I would live in the branches of Goshinbuku with you if I had to, it doesn't matter to me as long as I'm with you.” Reaching up she caressed the side of his face as she slowly closed the distance between them by placing a soft kiss on his lips.

`What's she doing? I hope she doesn't think that this changes…' His thought were abruptly interrupted by the feel of her lips on his own, `maybe I should rethink this.' He thought as the welcomed sweet taste of her disappeared.

Pulling away from him she said, “if I leave there's a definite chance you'll eventually be killed, but if I stay then you'll always have a reason to fight even harder.”

Gazing down at her he couldn't help the small smile that surfaced on his face. She was doing her best to change his mind and she was making sense to. Everyone knew that whenever Kagome was around he always fought harder and smarter it was when she wasn't around that he always got hurt the worse. “Why won't you listen to me?” He asked.

“Because you need me just as much as I need you. You just refuse the accept it.”

She was right. Still he was willing to let her go if it meant she would find some happiness on the other side of the well. But if what she said was true he would never and could never force her to go back not if it meant her demise. “What am I going to do with you?” He asked looking totally defeated and relieved all at once.

“Love me? That is if you let me stay.” She responded.

“If I tell you no, what will you do?”

“Probably destroy the well and stay anyway.” She replied with a small smirk hoping that she had gotten through to him.

He just stared at her for a moment wondering if he could ever really make her leave. She was determined to stay with him no matter what it cost her. She had proven that when she attempted to destroy the well, her only way home. She had openly confessed her love for him, and so had he in his own kind of way. Hopefully she understood that he would never be able to say the words that she so desperately wanted to hear, but she would understand and see it in his everyday actions.

Smiling up at him she wondered just what was on his mind, but didn't dare ask. She still couldn't really believe that she had slapped him, what was she thinking when she did that? However she knew one thing for certain if he ever brought up her going home again, for good, she wouldn't hesitate turning the well into pure ash. There was no way she was ever going to leave his side. “Uhm, Inuyasha? You never answered me.”

“---“ Was his only reply as he looked at her with a confused expression on his face.

“I asked you if you loved me and you didn't answer me?” She stated shyly while toying with the front of his Haori.

In his head he screamed, `I love you, I love you, I love you…and only you!' He knew even though he felt that way it just wasn't something that he was comfortable saying so instead he pulled her close to him and kissed her forehead then the tip of her nose then her right cheek following that up with her left one. Softly he brushed his lips gently across hers placing soft slow kisses on the corners of her mouth. In a matter of seconds soft and gentle turned into passionate and heady.

Pulling her as close to him as he could with out hurting her he nibbled at her bottom lip alerting her that he wanted entrance. Of course she allowed this.

Their tongues danced in each other's mouths each fighting for dominance but neither would give in. He knew she wanted him, but he had to wonder if she knew just how tempted he was at this moment to take her and make her his mate right here, right now. After her confession and his acceptance what was there to stop him?

Pulling away from him she blushed, “so I guess that's a yes to my question?”

Smiling at her mischievously his golden orbs seemed to glow against the dark night sky. Biting down lightly on his bottom lip he attempted to close the distance one last time but stopped. Looking over his shoulder at the forest behind them he frowned as a single solitary thought ran through his mind, `fuck'.

Simonkal of Inuy

Standing off in the distance she watched with hatred filled eyes as her copy screamed, cried and pledged her undying love for the only man she herself had cared for.

She wished that she could just let it go, let him be with her reincarnation. But the anger and turmoil that fueled her body made of clay and bones would not allow that.

He was the reason she had died. If he had never come to the village to steal the jewel then she never would have met him. She never would've let her guard down. She never would've allowed herself to have such foolish mortal thoughts of marriage and family.

Sure for a time she blamed Naraku, but the fact remained, it was Inuyasha who started it all.

Standing there watching them as they embraced and kissed one another the way she had hoped that he would some day kiss her, she felt nothing but rage fester and boil with in the portion of her soul that she was able to take back from the girl. It was unlike anything she had ever felt, a raw and heady need to destroy them both. He belonged in hell with her and her copy didn't deserve to breathe air.

Reaching behind her she pulled an arrow out of her carrier while sliding her bow off her arm. Looking once more at the two lovebirds she smirked as a thought ran through what would've been her mind, `He is mine and I will have him.'

Notching the arrow in her bow she took aim at her target. It would only be a matter of time now; for she was Kikyo she never missed her target. It didn't matter whether it was moving or standing still.

Until Next Time…