InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Confrontation ❯ Broken Dreams ( Chapter 44 )

Disclaimer: I do not claim ownership to anyone with the exception of Jouyoku and Miebi Kokushi.

 

Chapter 44: Broken Dreams

 

If he hadn't been sure before, he was definitely certain now, that this world that he lived in…this life that he lived day in and day out was hell! Total and utter, with out reason…hell!

 

Why was it that every time he came within grasp of something that had an ounce of a chance at making him happy, was it taken away?

 

Whenever he found something…settled on something, someone that would make all the years...centuries of loneliness and betrayal worth it, was it was taken away?

 

This was definitely hell and the devils them selves had to be pulling the strings.

 

Grinding his teeth Inuyasha pushed off another branch and glided through the air following his brothers' faint scent.

 

He was determined that this time he wouldn't allow it! He would do what was necessary to keep her with him! He would tear through eleven hells if he had to! He would scale the highest fiercest mountains and swim the deepest seas, he didn't care what it entailed; he would do it, even if only for one more moment with her! This was his promise!

 

`Kagome, I'm coming!'

 

The hanyou had awakened just after noon to a nodding Houshi and a catatonic Slayer huddled in the corner of his sitting room. At first he didn't know where he was or why, but realization came flooding back to him rapidly. It told him that someone was missing! Someone important to him!

 

He didn't spare a minute to say or ask anything from anyone! He knew she wasn't there her scent was old…stale! He only spared enough time to grab his fang and his inner and outer Haori, as he dashed from the house and into the clearing where her scent was a little stronger, but still old.

 

The hanyou knew his wounds weren't healed, not by a long shot, but he didn't care. He would see to them after he had Kagome with in arms reach! He would worry about himself only after he knew for sure that she was okay and that, that bastard hadn't touched her!

 

As he raced on, her scent eventually diminished so that's why he was now following the scent of his brother, which he hoped would lead him directly to her and if it didn't…

 

That was a thought he couldn't face just yet. A world…a life with out Kagome, his miko, was unthinkable. What would he do? How would he survive?

 

Shaking his head he frowned, `Fuck that, she's not going to leave me. I won't let her.'

 

He couldn't tolerate the one thought that kept sneaking back into his mind. The one thought that no matter how much he tried to ignore it only grew louder as the seconds…minutes ticked by. It was the one thought that had him ignoring the agonizing pain in his chest and stomach, the blood draining slowly down the front of his chest from where he had reopened his wounds. No, that thought that little voice, he wouldn't acknowledge…he wouldn't give voice to.

 

`There's still hope. There has to be. Besides, Kagome's too smart to fall for his tricks! S…she's got something that none of the other's had. She has miko energy. She'll hold him off until I get there…she has to.' Hope was all that he had left.

 

He silently cursed his hanyou heritage! If only he had not been born with this cursed human blood coursing through his veins! If only he was a pureblooded demon, then he would've been better able to protect her! He wouldn't have been caught, off guard or `with his hakama down' per-say.

 

`And she would've hated me or I would've hated her. Or maybe we never would've met.'

 

Just the thought of not having known her, not being able to remember her scent, the sound of her voice or the way her eyes smiled when she laughed…the idea that he may never have met her was enough to cause his chest to heave and his youkai to growl.

 

`If all I had was one moment…one second of a second with her, her memory…the memory of her…everything about her would've been etched in my mind…on my very being…in my soul. There is no life for me with out her.' He knew this one fact to be true, though he would never verbally lay claim to it.

 

He halted at the edge of a cliff that lead down to a small beach. Every part of his body hurt…ached begging him to stop, to turn back, but his heart…his soul…his youkai, everything that she had already laid claim to pushed him forward…told him that time was running out…she needed him and he needed her, now more than ever.

 

Leaping into the air he landed roughly and began sprinting swiftly down the beach, `Kagome, I'm on my way, please hold on. Just hold on a little longer. I'm coming for you. I'm coming.' Determination and a deep-seated refusal to give up drove him forward.

 

He knew he was running on sheer adrenalin at this point but he needed to see her…to hold her!

 

The desperation he felt from the moment he opened his eyes swelled within him, demanding that he move faster than the speed of light. The need to touch her, embrace her… The need to prove `that' insistent voice in the back of his mind wrong was overwhelming him, driving him to the brink of insanity!

 

“She fine, she has to be!” He gritted out harshly.

 

The air around him stilled…froze and so did he. He felt her aura slam into him…through him. “Ka…Kagome”

 

She was all around him…her scent…her laughter. “Ka…Kagome” He whispered again in disbelief as his chest constricted and his stomach began doing ungodly flips.

 

What did this mean?

 

Turning in a slow tight circle he closed his eyes and took a deep breath in an attempt to calm his raging youkai. He could feel her wrapping her arms around his waist, hugging him. He could hear her faint giggle as the wind blew through his hair. He felt her soft hands on the sides of his face as if she was looking him over then he thought he heard her whisper something in his ear, but he couldn't understand what it was she was saying.

 

He couldn't think…refused to think…refused to acknowledge what was happening. His breathing hitched, lodged behind the huge lump of denial that had driven him thus far. He tried to swallow…tried to move but he couldn't, “no” he whispered softly as tears he hadn't accepted blurred his vision.

 

The voice that had been simply taunting him with quiet suggestions until now stepped forward, spoke up louder.

 

`You're too late.'

 

“No” Inuyasha mumbled hoarsely as his mind slowed to a crawl.

 

`You're too late.'

 

Closing his eyes he tried to breath in her scent, lock it away in his mind…his soul. He attempted to grasp a whole of the apparition that engulfed him, but he failed miserably.

 

The Inu prince vigorously shook his head as if he could shake the voice loose. He wanted…needed to hold tight to his belief that everything it said were lies! He wanted to ignore it. If he didn't give it a voice…if he didn't acknowledge it, then he still had a chance, right?

 

His head lulled forward, his shoulders relaxed on cue as her aura…her spirit twisted tighter around him, played with him…soothed him.

 

“No” He croaked, his throat parched from a lack of saliva and his inability to swallow.

 

Hope was all that he had left. Why would she do this to him? Why would she take his hope…his dreams away from him? She wouldn't be so cruel, right?

 

He wanted to be able to hope and pray…he needed to be able hold on to that belief that she was somewhere, where he could and would eventually find her…he needed to have this to survive. Didn't she understand that? Didn't she know that his survival without her was nonexistent? Didn't she know that if he knew she was gone that it would kill him? Didn't she know? She had to know!

 

`Please Kagome let me have this. Let me have my hope, let me believe that you're still here. Don't…don't do this to me…please…let me have this.' He silently begged as a tear slipped from his golden eyes.

 

Pain tore through his chest. He could feel it, couldn't he; his heart breaking into a trillion tiny pieces, shattering like fine crystal.

 

At that moment as the reality of what she was trying to tell him sunk in. His soul openly cried…screamed that he should move…that this was a figment of his imagination, but how could it be? Her scent was all around him. He could feel her. Her spirit had just touched him, had it not? And in his heart he knew, didn't he? He knew.

 

`You're too late.' The voice hissed again as the hanyou collapsed to his knees his head shaking slowly from right-to-left as his resolve faltered, cracked, crumbled and shattered. Still his youkai his soul refused to give into the beliefs of that damnable voice and his heart.

 

`No…no…no…no…no…' He repeated like a mantra as he searched his soul for the strength to move on…the strength to keep fighting…hoping. “Please don't leave me.” He begged as his youkai reared forward only the recoil violently enough that he felt it physically.

 

He knew the voice was telling him the truth. He had known all along hadn't he? “Please, God not again. Don't take her.” His words came out barely audible…barely comprehendible, a mere whisper on the wind.

 

`Mate…Gone?' He heard his youkai hiss brokenheartedly, as if it barely had the strength to speak.

 

Throwing his head back as he felt the last of what was her leave him in a gust of air he screamed into the sky, “I know I don't deserve her! I know that, but please…please don't take her from me! Please…God…No…not again! Not her!”

 

He couldn't think straight. He knew he should have continued moving at least until he found Sesshomaru…found out what happened, but what was the point? She was gone he knew that. He could feel it.

 

The loneliness…the emptiness that he hadn't felt since he opened his eyes and saw her was now crashing down on him…engulfing him like a moth caught in the midst of a blazing fire. It left him feeling barren…destitute…broken…charred from the inside out, and more than anything as selfish as he knew it was, betrayed.

 

Staring into the ocean stretched out in front of him he watched with heavily libbed eyes as the tide came in and rushed out again, yet he didn't see it nor hear the roar of the waves or feel the water kiss his knees gently. He could feel nothing but the ache of his broken heart and the utter sorrow and agonizing pain that he and his youkai were feeling.

 

His shoulder began to slowly shake as the reality that he was alone again came tumbling down on him. The knowledge that she was no longer within his grasp ate at his soul…caused his heart and mind to race and slow all at once! The fact that he hadn't saved her enraged him, made him feel worthless…useless…inept! The thought that she had died at the hands of that monster was too much for him to swallow…to stomach.

 

Balling his hands into tight fist he tried to fight the sea of emotions that raged within him begging to be released.

 

It was a battle easily lost.

 

The hanyou's head lowered as his chest and soul opened, releasing a wave of silent tears that he couldn't stop. His body trembled violently as he felt the part of him that didn't know how to give up, die. He had nothing to live for anymore, nothing that was worth living for.

 

His life…his air…his single solitary reason for waking every morning…his equal was gone…erased from the earth…removed from his life.

 

The Inu Prince's soul shook, his heart whimpered, and his youkai howled. He was alone again. The only woman he had ever truly loved…craved…desperately needed…would have given his life for, was gone.

 

He couldn't hold it back anymore he didn't care. In this world full of heartbreak and disappointment what did it matter? Was there a point to is all?

 

Letting his tears flow unhindered and undisguised down his face the hanyou threw his head back and howled. He had loved her more than he loved himself and so he would openly mourn her, and then eventually join her.

 

That he would do.

 

Simonkal of Inuy

 

Sesshomaru stood emotionless in the center of where the small mountain once stood.

 

The in side of the circumference was absolutely devoid of all life. The outer fringes of grass that grew around the mountain were singed black. The small animals that were spared from the massive blast remained hidden beneath the shrubbery nearby, not even daring to venture out.

 

He could smell the miko and feel remnants of her aura but she was nowhere to be found.

 

Was he actually hoping to find her? And if he did, if she was dead, what would he do? Would he dare attempt to bring her back? Would the outcome be any different from the situation with Ayame?

 

If the miko were still alive, wouldn't she have made herself known by now? Wouldn't he have sensed her life force?

 

Maybe…maybe it was best if he didn't find her.

 

Noticing a large flat boulder in what would've been the back of the mountain the Inu Lord ventured over for a closer inspection. Subconsciously he hoped that it was she, because at least then he could try, but with no body and no knowledge of her whereabouts what was there left for him to do?

 

Kicking the boulder over with the toe of his boot he stepped back and stared down at the charred crisp remains of what he was at one time or another a body.

 

`Could this be…' Narrowing his eyes, his thoughts halted as he took a closer more introspective look at the thing that lay stretched out before him.

 

Inauspicious black eyes stared back at him, unblinking…unflinching. Yet he knew that there was still life in them. It was faint, almost to the point of nonexistence, but it was still there nonetheless.

 

`Bastard'

 

How was it possible that this bastard, Jouyoku was stilling hanging on to life and the miko was not! How could he have survived such a blast of her energy? How was it possible?

 

Anger radiated through the Inu Lord! The things this arrogant bastard had done to Rin. The torment he watched the wolf Youkai go through because of the loss of his mate, and now this…now the miko…

 

`No, he…this beast does not deserve to be alive. Not after all he has done!'

 

Without a second thought Sesshomaru swiftly lifted his right leg and stomped down on the face of the creature that had broken one too many hearts and crossed one too many lines. “You do not deserve this life that you live or the air that you breath.” He stated coldly as he ground his foot into the ground crushing the remaining bones in its face, and grinding the larger portion of the beasts' skull into dust.

 

Standing there just a moment longer he waited, watched and listened until he was sure that there wasn't an ounce of life remaining with in the scoundrels' carcass.

 

As he turned away he thought that perhaps that would have made him feel better. Perhaps it would've lifted this heavy weight off his shoulders, but it didn't. He felt the same…nothing changed. The end result was still the same. The miko and the female wolf youkai were still gone. His mate, Rin was still lying injured at the home of his half-brother…

 

His thoughts veered, twisted and stumbled. `Inuyasha'

 

Sure he initially wanted the hanyou to experience the pain of knowing what it felt like to be at risk of loosing his mate to Jouyoku, but he didn't want this. He hadn't wanted `this' to be the outcome. Not by a long shot!

 

No matter how stoic and impassive he was this was not something that he would've wished on the hanyou…on anyone.

 

Stopping at the cliff that led back to the beach and his path to his mate, Sesshomaru felt his chest tighten as the mournful cry of his brokenhearted half- brother filled the air around him. He could feel the tremendous ache that flowed from the half-breed, infesting everything within the vicinity causing him to slightly shudder.

 

At this point, what more could he do? He had tried to save her? He had done his part! So why couldn't he just walk away? Why couldn't he just leave the half-breed to wallow in his own sorrow and grief?

 

Leaping from the cliff the Inu Lord landed softly on to the sand. He stood quietly as the hanyou openly wept for the loss of his intended. He watched with reluctant eyes as his brother's shoulders shook and tears trailed down his face.

 

He had seen Inuyasha in many stages of his life. Infancy, pubescence, adolescence, as an adult sealed to the Goshinboku, and then he saw him in full demon form, but nothing compared to this nor prepared him for this. His current grievous state was one that he would've rather missed.

 

To see the hanyou…the half-breed that had taken down Ryuukotsusei single handedly, and countless other demons without flinching, on his knees, weeping, and vulnerable as if he was no more than a pup, bothered the Inu Lord, though he would never admit it.

 

Sure Sesshomaru had made a point of making sure Inuyasha knew that he was worthless! He had told him on countless occasions that a half-breed should no it's place and stay in it, but this was not it.

 

As much as it pained him to admit, the Inu Lord knew that his brother was better than this…stronger than this.

 

`Is this what loosing a mate does to you? Will this happen to me? Will I one day weep as nothing more than a pup? Will I silently pray for death and curse it when it does not come quick enough?'

 

He didn't know why but he was drawn to the hanyou like bees to honey. His progression was slow, but steady.

 

What would he say? What could he say? Was there anything to be said? Was it necessary? Would it make a difference?

 

`No'

 

Sesshomaru stopped a few feet from the hanyou that had quieted to mere sniffles, his head lulled forward his shoulders slumped in a defeated manner. In the back of his mind he could hear, `Your lives are nothing more than the stitching in a blind maidens tattered tapestry' being repeated like a hypnotizing mantra, set on brain washing him.

 

His lips wouldn't form the words that he knew he should say at a time like this, so he said nothing, just stood there.

 

Perhaps saying nothing was best.

 

Inuyasha could feel his brother approaching him but he didn't care. He had nothing to fear or to be prideful or egotistical about anymore. His heart was broken and his life was over. His world…his life as he knew it ended the moment she left him.

 

Inhaling deeply the hanyou stilled his resolve…tried to pull the fragmented parts of his heart and mind together as best he could. His mind was made up…his decision final.

 

`There's no point in waiting.'

 

Reaching for his Tetsusaiga he pulled it slowly from its sheath and laid it at Sesshomaru's feet. With out turning to look at or acknowledge his brother the hanyou spoke slowly…methodically, “today is your lucky day. My fang will be yours if you'll do me one favor.” A single tear trailed from his eyes as the wind twisted around him blowing his silver mane away from his face, “kill me.”

 

Until Next Time…