InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Confrontation ❯ What Lies Beneath ( Chapter 45 )

Disclaimer: I do not claim ownership to anyone other than Jouyoku and Miebi Kokushi.

 

Chapter 45: What Lies Beneath

 

In a place covered in brilliant darkness, the miko stood shivering, her mind unable to grasp anything not dealing with the fierce chill that wrapped around and engulfed her to the point of frostbite.

 

Kagome shivered and wrapped her arms around her body as her teeth chattered and her legs gave out beneath her.

 

`Where am I?'

 

She tried to look around her, but it was futile. Even if she had the sight of the gods, in this god-forsaken place, would it even make a difference? There was nothing but darkness…unforgiving darkness.

 

She realized quickly that she was naked as the day she was born and wet. `Why am I wet?' That thought spent less than a few seconds on her mind; after all did it really matter?

 

Her head lulled forward as her shoulders slumped in defeat. She was tired actually exhausted to the point of almost passing out. For some unknown reason her eyelids wouldn't close. They just kept staring off into the blackness before her, at what she didn't know. It was as if they knew something she didn't.

 

`Why am I here? Where is here? Am I dead?'

 

Nothing made sense to her. `Is this what death feels like?' This place of darkness…the cold…the feeling of being unbearably miserable, `This must be hell.' She thought absently, but deep down she didn't really care, all she wanted was rest and to escape this new cage or was it the same one?

 

Shaking her head weakly she willed herself not to cry. The thought…the mere idea of remaining locked away in her own mind while her alter ego defiled her body… Just the thought of having failed at killing that beast, Jouyoku…

 

She sighed, `I tried…I tried to kill him. Did I only succeed in killing myself? Was all that for nothing?'

 

Kagome wanted to care…she knew she should, but she didn't, not really.

 

By no means was it selfishness that kept her from caring. It was more that her spirit was broken. She had fought so hard and for so long, for things that were always just outside of her grasp. At this point she didn't have it in her any longer to even give an ounce of faith or hope towards the next stage of this vile thing called life, or was it now death…the afterlife?

 

`What's the point? Just let me pass. If I'm dead, just let me pass!'

 

She didn't want to think about the people she would be leaving behind or the things she still wanted to accomplish. Her tomb had been sealed whether she liked it or not.

 

As if on cue, images began to play before her or were they all in her head? Perhaps it was nothing more than the dying remnants of a young woman's once overactive imagination.

 

She was six years old with two long black ponytails trailing down both sides of her head. The wind blew around her lifting her little sundress about her waist. She tried to hold it down but the wind tickled the skin of her belly, so instead she giggled and twirled around joyously allowing her tiny pink panties with large white and yellow daisies to show for all that wanted to watch.

 

Kagome stared at the version of her younger self, her mouth agape. She had forgotten about that day. `Daddy had just gotten his promotion. We were going out to celebrate.'

 

The image changed as if it was a slide show of her life, being played for her entertainment alone.

 

She was nine. She and her mother were standing at her fathers' gravesite. Tears were streaming down her face, “I miss him momma. You said that it would get better, but…I…I still miss him. I miss daddy, momma.”

 

Her mother's only reply was to pull her closer to her as she bent down and replaced the dried flowers with fresh newly purchased ones.

 

“Daddy,” Kagome mumbled weakly. It had been far too long since she had thought about him. Seeing this image from so long ago made her miss him all over again. It was like the shooting…the funeral…the sound of her mother's heart broken screams…all those sleepless nights…the longing…all of them, every tearful, heartbroken moment came rushing back to her. “Momma…Daddy…”

 

Once again the slide show rolled on.

 

She was twelve. She was going to the movies with her best girlfriends, Eri, Yuka, and Ayumi for the first time without parental supervision. They only had to walk a total of four blocks to reach the theatre, but still it said a lot that her mother would agree to such a thing.

 

Young Kagome had been looking forward to this day for over a week. She had made sure that she was on her best behavior and did all her homework and chores so as not to cause her mother to ground her before she was able to venture out on her own.

 

The pride she felt the moment she descended the steps of the shrine un-chaperoned, made her feel like she had finally arrived into adolescence. It proved to her that even though her mother could be somewhat overprotective at times, she still trusted her to do the right thing. Yeah, she definitely felt like she had just hurdled a huge stepping-stone into adolescence as she made her way to the corner where her friends were patiently awaiting her arrival.

 

“Look, there's Hojo!” Eri exclaimed excitedly pointing towards the grinning boy hurrying in their direction.

 

“He's so cute! I think he likes you Kagome!” Yuka added as they neared the second street corner.

 

Kagome blushed and shrugged her shoulders off handedly. `Oh Kami, he's coming closer!' She thought frantically her blush deepening with every second that ticked by.

 

“I bet your babies would be a bunch of cuties!” Ayumi added while grinning like a child hopped up on chocolate.

 

“Guys stop that! I don't like him like that!” Kagome hissed playfully as she tried to gather the last shreds of her preadolescent dignity.

 

“Hi guys…Kagome.” Hojo stated breathlessly since he decided to run the last block in order to reach them before they crossed the street. “Where are you headed?”

 

“The movies!” The three instigators stated happily in unison.

 

“Mind if I join you?” The hopeful 13-year-old boy asked staring at Kagome as if she was the only one whose answer really mattered.

 

Before she could reply her three counterparts responded while grabbing Hojo by the arm and forcing him beside her, “Of course you can! You can sit right next to Kagome, she'll love it!”

 

Kagome smiled sadly as the image faded. That was the day she decided three things. Her friends were just too damn nosey and Hojo was just a little too needy and boring for her, but he did make an excellent friend.

 

“My friends, I…I miss them.”

 

Wiping away a stray tear that fell down her already moist cheek a thought occurred to her, `I'm dead. My life…the important moments of my life are flashing before my eyes. I…I died.' That thought should have made her sad or depressed, but it didn't. It left her feeling blasé, empty, and indifferent.

 

A long dark moment passed before another scene displayed before her causing her to sit up straight and take notice.

 

It was her 15th birthday; she had just fallen down the well and was running through the forest when she came upon the Sacred Tree.

 

A boy with silver hair was sealed to the tree, “Hello? Is he sleeping?” She questioned while climbing up on the overgrown roots to get a closer look at him. “He looks so peaceful.”

 

“He's just a boy…a teenager like me.” Glancing up her breathing caught in her throat as her eyes fell on the little puppy ears that sat atop his head. `Cute,' She thought as she reached up to finger one of his ears. “He looks human, but those ears definitely aren't.”

 

As the image faded she whispered, “Inuyasha,” while leaning forward as if it would give her a better view, not that her vision was obscured to begin with. She also noticed that she didn't feel so cold anymore.

 

All at once a barrage of separate images all of him…the man she loved in life and still in death, flashed one after the other.

 

He was smiling, grinning, shouting, yelling, cursing, and laughing. She saw her younger self, screaming `Sit' over and over as he plummeted to the ground.

 

The barrage slowed to a crawl but still not slow enough for her liking.

 

She was kneeling beside a human Inuyasha. Shippo was cowering on the other side of the room and Nazuna the young girl from the temple of the spider head demon was sitting next to the door.

 

Inuyasha had just been attacked and she was worried that he wouldn't make it, having just found out about his human night.

 

“Kagome, why the tears?” He asked her weakly.

 

“I thought…I thought you were dead…I thought you had left me.” She stuttered, tears clouding her vision.

 

“Who me? Don't be ridiculous.” He spat irritably.

 

“You Jerk! I was so worried!” She screamed in disbelief.

 

“So…” he droned as he turned his head so that she couldn't see his face.

Moments of silence passed before she dared another look at him. Noticing the sweat on his brow she began to slowly wipe away the perspiration. Inuyasha groaned and opened his eyes.

 

“Sorry, did I wake you?” The young miko stated shyly as she pulled her hand away.

 

“No…I've been thinking. Why were you crying for me?”

 

“Because…I thought you were going to die…”

 

The hanyou turned human didn't respond at first, and then he asked her a question that even till this day still blew her mind. “Your lap…will you lend me your lap?”

 

“Huh, sure.” Lifting his head to her lap she asked, “Is that better?”

 

“You…you smell good.”

 

“But you…you said you hated my scent.”

 

“Well…I was lying.” Inuyasha replied weakly.

 

“Inuyasha,” the miko whispered as the procession of images sped up, just a little.

 

She saw vague apparitions of Kikyo, Miroku, Shippo and Sango. She saw Sesshomaru and Rin, even Jakken. Then there was Naraku, Hakudoushi, Kagura, Kohaku and Kanna all playing the same roles they played when she was alive.

 

Some of the things she saw made her smile and some brought her nothing but pain and grief. More than that, it solidified with in her that in the short years that she had lived; she had lived a hard dangerous life. Perhaps this was best…perhaps this would've been the end result no matter what the circumstances were.

 

One last scene played before her. It was of a week or so ago, when Inuyasha was attempting to send her home for good.

“Inuyasha, I love you. I've always loved you. I don't know what you're hoping to accomplish by sending me home, but it's only fair that you know that there's nothing there for me. Everything I am, everything I want is here in this era with you.”

“Kagome, please…stop.”

Ignoring him she continued, “Before I fell down that well I didn't have a life. I don't even remember what I thought about before I met you. I've poured all my time and energy into this. Into you and us, hoping that one day you would tell me that you love me and that I was your one and only.” Sighing she rubbed her hand across her face then continued, “I can't make you feel something you don't no matter how bad I want it, but at least now you know.” Turning away she started towards the well prepared to jump in for the last time but stopped when she heard his voice.

“Ka…Kagome, please try to understand that I…I can't give you what you want. What you deserve…no matter how much I want to.” She watched him turn away from her as he continued, “You can't stay here because you deserve better than some dingy hut. You deserve to be in your time with your people. Where someone like that hobo guy would be able to give you the kind of life a woman like you deserves.” She eyed him closely as he swallowed and tried to maintain his facade, “If you stay with me it will just be one battle after the other, it'll never end and I don't want that for you. It would only be a matter of time before I went out hunting or got in a fight with a youkai and ended up dead. Then where would that leave you?”

The miko watched his watery golden eyes turn skyward.

“At one time I told myself that I would have forever with you, Kagome. I realize that in this place…there's no such thing as forever. Not for someone like me.”

He had never opened up to her in such a manner, and she knew that he probably never would again. Dropping her bag to the ground she ran to him, throwing herself into his chest determined that if he was going to get rid of her he would have to physically throw her down the well and snatch the jewel from around her neck! Nothing would keep her away from him! Looking up at him she reached up and wiped away the tear that she was sure had escaped unnoticed by him.

“Kagome…” He whispered hoarsely.

Shaking her head as she fought her own tears she whispered, “No, I'm not leaving you. I don't care about forever…I just want now, today, this moment, and I'll take whatever else you can give me. If you make me go…” Reaching up she pushed his hair away from his face, “I'll die, Inuyasha. Without you…there is no me, don't you understand? She asked, praying that he would.

The scene faded, the room went black, and her heart screamed for mercy as the coldness she had been feeling rushed back, turning her nerves into a frenzied mess. He was everything to her. No matter how belligerent and coarse he was, he was still and always would be her hanyou…her love. The one thing that she could never truly grasp and hold onto, no matter how hard she tried or how much she prayed.

 

Sighing, the miko silently begged that this would end. She couldn't' take seeing him and not being able to touch him or talk to him. “Please no more, I can't take this.”She whispered as tears began to pour from her eyes.

 

A small glowing orb flew towards her from out of the darkness as a soothing voice that was neither feminine nor masculine sounded around her. It was in her head, her soul the very nerves of her body.

 

“Miko, you have done well.”

 

Pulling her legs to her chest as if to hide herself from this unseen person or thing Kagome inquired weakly, “What…who are you? What do you want?”

 

“Only to thank you.”

 

“Who are you?” Kagome asked again, this time her voice held just a tad more irritation.

 

“I am the heart of the jewel you've been protecting since the day you were born.” It replied as if she should have known.

 

“M…Midoriko?”

 

“I've been known by many names, but if that's what you're most comfortable with, then that is whom I am.”

 

The miko was stunned silent. What did this mean? Was it a good thing or a bad thing? She hadn't wanted to wish on the jewel before, because she was afraid that the well would close, but now… It really didn't make a difference, did it? Would she even get a wish, after all what good would a wish be to someone that had passed on into the afterlife?

 

“Why are you here? I'm sure you're free now, since I inadvertently took the jewel with me when I died.” Kagome knew the manner in which she spoke was rude and rather Inuyasha like, but she was mentally exhausted. She didn't feel like anymore mind games, especially not with something that had brought nothing but pain to so many people.

 

“When you gave your life to save another without first thinking of yourself, you made the ultimate sacrifice and purified…”

 

Cutting off the monotone voice, Kagome asked, “So then I did die?” Sure she had already figured out as much, but she needed to hear herself say it once more. Then maybe she would feel something…anything except, acceptance.

 

“Yes”

 

“Did I…Is…Is Jouyoku dead as well?” The miko asked. She was almost too afraid to hear the answer; for fear that she might have failed.

 

“Yes, he is now dead.”

 

Kagome sighed heavily, `At least I did something right.' Staring into the orb that she realized now was the jewel itself, she looked away in shame. The memory of all the things that had been done with and to her body flashed vividly through her mind. The touches, the caresses, and the licks, that even in death made her feel filthy…vile…defiled. Pulling her legs closer to her chest she glanced back at the jewel that appeared to be waiting on her, “Where am I?”

 

“You're between worlds at this moment. If you hadn't had the jewel of four souls around your neck when you passed on, your spirit would have already passed into heavens gates.”

 

“Well you have it now, so why am I still here?” Once again her question came out a little more brash than she intended.

 

“You chose to fight alongside me instead of against me while I was within your custody. Therefore I must comply with a wish of your choosing.”

 

Kagome stared into the hypnotizing light of the jewel, not really comprehending what it was saying. What good would a wish do her? She was already dead? Surely Inuyasha knew by now, didn't he? `Perhaps things are best left the way they are.'

 

The truth be told, she wasn't foolish enough to believe that a wish for her life back would not come without repercussions.

 

“Is there anything that you wish for, miko?”

 

She stared into the orb, her eyes filling up with more tears. She wanted to say, `Inuyasha' but that was selfish, wasn't it? If she asked for her life back wouldn't it send her back to her era away from Inuyasha and her friends? No, she didn't want that. Or would it send her back to his era knowing that he had already died? `No, I…I won't do it. I won't…' If she couldn't be with him, then what was the point of living?

 

“No matter what I wish for, it will be twisted. Someone…someone that I love will get hurt.” She whispered, not really talking to Midoriko, just thinking out loud.

 

“Even in death, my child, you remain selfless. Wish from your heart.”

 

Shaking her head, Kagome tried to quiet the selfish part of her that wanted only to live and breathe again. Wiping a stray tear from her cheek she rested her head on her raised knees and sighed, “I'm tired. I don't want to do this anymore. I only want to rest, that's it…just rest.”

 

“Is that your wish?”

 

As that question circled her head she saw flashes of Inuyasha laughing and smiling, which in return caused a sullen smile to form on her downtrodden features. She watched from a distance as he reclined back on a limb of what she suspected was Goshinbuko, but she wasn't sure. All she focused on was the content smile plastered on his handsome face and the feeling of peace that radiated from him.

 

With her eyes still closed she spoke as if in a daze. This image of him…her love, she wanted to carry with her into her next life. “I…I want Inuyasha to be happy. I want him to live and prosper without regret. I want him to feel every ounce of love that I was saving for him, and I want him to feel unrepentant when receiving it. I want him to smile and laugh, I want him to learn to forgive and let go. Can you do that? Can you grant me that one wish?”

 

“Is that your wish?” The jewel asked as its light slowly brightened to the point of almost blinding the young woman had her eyes been open.

 

Sighing as the warmth of the light engulfed, soothed and welcomed her, she nodded, “Yes, that is my wish. Please just let him be happy. That's all I ask. Please.”

 

“And so it shall be.” The voice replied.

 

The last thing the miko heard was a gust of wind then she felt her body being pulled gently off the ground. She was floating effortlessly, in what direction she didn't know, nor did she care.

 

`Peace…at last.'

 

Until Next Time…(All reviews are greatly appreciated.)