InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Darkness Before Dawn ❯ Anxiety ( Chapter 15 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

When Kagome arrived at the garage she breathed deeply of the late spring air, determined to shake off the despair that continued to fog her mind. Shiro had remained unusually silent when she desperately sought his council last night, leaving a consuming emptiness in her soul that was akin to physical pain.  She was still uncertain about the growing relationship between her and Inuyasha.  On one hand, she wanted to see where these new feelings would lead her.  Suddenly she had gone from feeling utterly alone to having three wonderful friends, one of whom made her feel more alive than she had ever thought possible.  However, there was still a large part of her that mourned everything she had lost and the urge to shut out the world and hide was overwhelming.  Koga had been absolutely no help what so ever.  The simple 'follow your heart' was a cop out answer by a man that preferred to treat her like a porcelain doll.  

The singer rounded her car and unlocked the trunk with a frustrated sigh.  I've been drifting along through life for so long.... She pulled the guitar case out of the trunk.  Why do they think my heart will suddenly know what to do?!  Angrily slamming the lid down, she looked up when the roar of Inuyasha's motorcycle reached her ears.  Kagome set the heavy case down and waited for him to pull into the lot while sipping her coffee.  

Inuyasha pulled the bike up next to her car and killed the engine.  After dismounting, he pulled something out of the saddlebag and hid it behind his back.  He walked up to Kagome and pulled her into his arms.  The stunned woman squeaked in surprise before surrendering to the tenderness of his lips.  After breaking the kiss he stared into her impossibly deep chestnut pools and smiled.  "Good morning, my angel," he murmured, rubbing the soft petals of the pure white rose across her chin.

"Good morning,” she replied softly then looked down at the fragrant blossom in half bloom.  She accepted his gift, inhaling the perfume deeply before burrowing against his chest in gratitude.  Internally Kagome's heart warred with the conflicting feelings of pleasure and guilt. It feels right to be with him like this!  Yet at the same time it all seems so wrong!  What do I do?  Kagome brushed the thought aside and simply enjoyed being surrounded by his comforting presence.  

Inuyasha released a contented breath and gathered her closer.  This feels so damn right!  It's like I've been waiting my whole life for this woman...  Brushing a soft kiss against her temple, his eyes caught on the black guitar case.  "What's that for?" he asked, nodding at the instrument.  

"I dug it out of my closet this morning," she told him in a self-conscious tone.  "I thought maybe I could use it more here than I do at home."

His eyes widened.  This woman never ceased to amaze him.  "I didn't know you could play the guitar!"

Kagome blushed slightly at the awe in his voice.  "There are a lot of things you don't know about me, Inuyasha.  I can not only play it, but I know several different styles of playing and I can hold my own with some of the best!"

"Hmm, we may just have to put that to the test," he teased as he picked up the case in one hand and her hand with the other.  "Come on.  I hope Sango put the coffee on!  I got a late start this morning and didn't have time to stop for any.  My brain's still back in bed!"

"You should have called me," Kagome chided.  "I left half a pot sitting back at my place!  It wouldn't have been any trouble to grab some for you."  She held out the travel mug to him.  "Here, you can finish mine."

"You're so good to me." Inuyasha accepted the cup and took a large gulp of the warm brew.  As soon as it rolled over his tongue, Inuyasha began coughing and sputtering.  "Do you like a little coffee with your cream and sugar?" he questioned sarcastically as he handed the offensive beverage back to her.

Kagome yanked the cup back out of his hand and glared at him.  "I like my coffee how my life used to be; light and sweet."

Inuyasha grabbed her free hand again and laughed.  "Well, I shall endeavor to return your life to that state."  He brushed his lips across her knuckles before leading her forward.

As they entered the garage he eagerly lifted his nose to sniff the air, anticipating the aroma of freshly brewed, very black coffee.  Kagome's giggle drew his attention away from his search.  "What's so funny?"  Unable to answer for the mirth that bubbled from her, the singer simply pointed to the lounge area.  Inuyasha frowned, not immediately seeing anything out of the ordinary.  Then his eyes caught on the two pairs of feet that dangled over the arm of the couch in a very compromising position.  Deciding to have a bit of fun, he pressed a finger to his lips to signal her silence.  

The couple on the couch remained blissfully unaware of their audience as they continued to kiss and whisper to each other.  Inuyasha crept up behind the couch and set the guitar case down without making a sound.  Kagome trailed a few steps behind him, still trying desperately to contain her giggles behind her hand.  He peered over the couch with an evil grin plastered on his face and shouted, "It's about fucking time you two!"

The events that followed had Kagome laughing hysterically.  Miroku cursed violently at being taken by surprise. Sango screamed and tried to bolt upright which effectively dislodged the drummer.  Flailing to regain his balance, Miroku grabbed a handful of Inuyasha's hair, causing the guitarist to cry out in pain.  Sango's continued struggles to get up caused Miroku to pull Inuyasha down on top of them, sending the trio into a sprawling heap on the floor.

"You asshole!" the drummer yelled, shoving the man off of him.  "What the fuck?!"  He turned to look at Sango and asked with deep concern, "Are you all right, my love?

"Oh, chill out, Miroku," Inuyasha chuckled as he stood.  "I was just messing with you two.  It is about damn time you guys officially hooked up!"  He raised a skeptical eyebrow at his long time friend and growled threateningly, “That is what this means, right?"

Sango blushed crimson at his question.  It was one thing to admit it to herself, but she hadn't anticipated the reaction of the others in the group. Inuyasha had known for a log time how she felt about the lecherous pervert and he had cautioned her about giving in to Miroku too easily.  The drummer had a well-earned reputation for being a 'love 'em and leave 'em' kind of guy, and she deserved better than that.  As for Kagome, well, she knew her friend approved but it was one thing to give advice and quite another to catch them in such a provocative position.

When Miroku helped Sango to her feet and held her close, she smiled bashfully at Inuyasha and Kagome.

"Yes," Miroku announced proudly.  "I laid siege to my beloved's heart for four long years and she has finally consented to return my favor!"  He grunted at the playful punch Sango landed in his belly.

Inuyasha clapped a congratulatory hand on his friend's shoulder, but spoke to Sango.  "Yeah, good luck with that," he teased before receiving a similar punch to the gut from the drummer.  Pulling Sango into an affectionate hug he told her sincerely, "He really does care about you, babe.  Always has.  I love you guys more than you'll ever know.  Take care of him for me?"  When he felt her nod against his shoulder he placed a gentle kiss on her cheek then released her.

Kagome looked upon the three friends and suddenly felt the shadow of envy engulf her heart.  They all looked so happy together and once again she felt like an outsider.  Miroku and Sango had finally taken that first fragile step toward 'happily ever after’.  It was the one thing she longed for, but would never have.

Putting on a brave face, Kagome lightly embraced Miroku and stated with moisture in her eyes, "She really is special.  Don't ever let her forget that."  

Miroku looked at her, puzzled.  "I won't," he assured her.  "Is something wrong, Kagome?"

She smiled at him and shook her head, all the while fighting the bitter tears of anguish.  "I hope you two can find what I once dreamed of.  If you do, hold on to it with both hands,” she whispered before turning away.  Kagome impatiently tapped Inuyasha on the shoulder.  She knew she had to get this over with before she lost the tenuous hold on her emotions.  "My turn," she demanded.  When he stepped aside, she swept Sango into a sisterly embrace.  "I'm so happy for you!  I hope you two find all the happiness...” Her words caught on a soft sob.

"Kagome?"  Sango asked in concern.

"I'm sorry," she apologized before releasing the baffled woman.  "Excuse me."  

"What just happened?" Miroku asked in confusion as they watched the singer walk swiftly toward the bathroom.

"Fuck if I know," an equally bewildered Inuyasha replied.

Sango raised her eyes to the heavens and uttered in prayer, "Kami save me from stupid men," before darting after her distraught friend.  





Kagome sagged against the counter.  Resting her forehead on the wall mirror, she cried out at the agony in her heart.  "It's not fair!" she wailed.  She had been that happy once, but after everything that she had endured she simply couldn't fight the bitterness that engulfed her.  

This was what she had feared most.  In just one short month she had come to love these people.  How long would she have before this, too, would be taken away?

Kagome didn't begrudge Sango and Miroku's happiness; she was envious of it because she knew theirs wouldn't be plagued by tragedy.  They were the lucky ones...

Sango entered the restroom and slowly approached the woman so as not to startle her.  "Kagome, honey, are you okay?"

"Go away," she rasped, turning around.  

The bassist sat on the counter next to Kagome and wrapped an arm over her shoulders.  "What's wrong?  What can I do to help?" Sango asked softly while smoothing her hand up and down the singers arm.

Kagome sniffled and wiped the tears from her cheeks.  "There's nothing you can do, Sango.  This is my own personal hell."

"It doesn't have to be, Kagome," she said with determination.  "You have the three of us to lift you up now.  You aren't alone anymore."

"I-I don't know what to do, Sango.  I'm so afraid to feel again...” Kagome looked at her new friend.  Dare she hope that this could truly be the beginning of a new life?  She had people who cared about her, who wanted to draw her away from her shadowy existence.  This ragtag group of friends had invited her in with open arms and accepted her for who she was----not what she used to be.  For the past month Kagome had let herself become close to these three people, yet the fear of losing them had always lingered in the back of her mind.  

"Listen to me, Kagome," Sango said, interrupting the woman's inner musings.  She had a pretty good feeling that this was more about a certain musician than anything else.  "Inuyasha's a great guy.  I love him like a brother and I only want to see him happy.  In the four years I've known him, I've seen him with a whole lot of women he thought he loved.  In the end, they all just used him for his money, his image or his music.  But I know you’re different.  I can tell he really cares about you.  Give him a chance."

"I want to, Sango," Kagome confessed leaning to rest her head on the other woman's shoulder.  "I'm so scared.  He makes me feel things I didn't think I ever would again."

"You say that like it's a bad thing!"

"I can't give him my whole heart, Sango," she stated flatly.  "It's been broken beyond repair.  What kind of offering is that?"

Sango sighed.  "Inuyasha's had more than his fair share of heartbreak, Kagome.  He's always kept people at arms length, and he was never content with 'going with the flow'.  I think he sees a lot of similarities with you, and perhaps he hopes that you can heal him."

"How can I heal him when I'm so broken?!" she asked despondently.

"That's for you two to figure out, I suppose," Sango replied encouragingly.  "I don't claim to have the answers here, Kagome, but I promise I'll do anything I can to help you."  She rose and offered, "Let's get you cleaned up and get this rehearsal underway."

Kagome hugged Sango tightly.  "Thank you."

Sango smiled and returned the gesture.  "Hey, we're friends, right?  That's what we do!"

"I really am happy for you, you know."

"I know."

Kagome giggled and turned to the sink.  "I'm curious about something," she said with a mischievous grin before turning on the faucet.

Sango grabbed a few paper towels from the dispenser and handed them to Kagome.  "Oh?"

"So, is Miroku a good kisser?"  

The girls laughed companionably while Kagome ran a dampened towel over her face.






The group sat gathered around the piano, going through the four new pieces of music.  They were working on the arrangement to one of Kagome's ballads.  "This just isn't working for me, Kagome," Inuyasha stated.  "The phrasing is so raw, but the music just doesn't jive with it.  It's too soft and slow!"

Kagome released a frustrated breath and crossed her arms across the ledge of the piano.  "Well, forgive me.  I didn't envision this as a heavy rock piece!"

"Nobody doubts your ability Kagome,” Miroku soothed.  "But I have to agree with Inuyasha on this.  It would be way more powerful with an increased tempo and some hard core riffs."

Kagome looked to Sango for support only to find her friend nodding in agreement with the men.  Sighing in defeat, she cast wary eyes on Inuyasha again.  "So what do you propose?"

Smiling triumphantly, Inuyasha adjusted the guitar on his thigh.  "Ok, I like this part here where the lyrics come in, but it's just too slow.  Maybe if we pick it up a bit like this..." his pick flew over the strings, "then change it up a bit like this here...."  When he finished with a flourish, Inuyasha raised hopeful eyes to her.  "Well?"

"Hmm," she replied in contemplation.

Sango offered, "If we add to the bass line here and here," while pointing to Inuyasha's music, "it would ground the frantic pace a bit."  She picked up her guitar and indicated for him to play it again.  They ran through the same section of music with Sango's added suggestion.

"Better," Kagome commented, "but I'm still not sold."

"That's because the most important part is missing," Miroku added with a cocky smirk.  "Again," he told the two guitarists.  Miroku tapped his sticks against the scarred surface of the piano, and the trio moved through the beginning verse.  Caught in the creative process, they quickly flowed into the next few measures of the piece before Kagome called a halt.  

"Okay, okay!  You're right, that does sound good!" She laughed at their beaming faces.  "Let's see how it sounds with the lead's part."  Kagome sat up and placed her fingers above the keys.

The quartet spent the entire morning fine-tuning the piece.  They laughed and argued, each having their own unique style to add to the song.  In the end, each of them contributed to the overall outcome, which had exceeded all their expectations.  

Kagome glanced down at her watch.  "Oh shit!" she exclaimed and jumped up from the piano bench.  "It's twelve-thirty already.  I gotta go!"

"She has an appointment," Inuyasha explained to the others.  He rose and followed her to the lounge area.  "You coming back?" he asked.

"Yes, I'll only be about an hour, hour and a half tops," she said as she dug in her purse for her keys.  Finally pulling them from the depths of the black hole concealed in the tiny bag, she turned away from him.  

Inuyasha grabbed her arm and spun her around.  He planted a brief yet hungry kiss on her lips.  "Been dying to do that all morning," he told her in a husky whisper and handed her the rose.  "Hurry back."

Kagome blinked at him, caught completely off guard by this first public display of affection.  "I-I will," she stammered with a dazed look in her eyes before walking away.  

Inuyasha moved back to the pair at the piano.  "What?" he barked at their stunned expressions.

Miroku turned a knowing smile to Sango.  "Pay up, my dear."

"No way!  That doesn't count!" she protested.

"Oh, yes it does," he countered, holding out his hand.

"He took her by surprise! You saw the shocked expression on her face!"

"Uh huh, but the fact remains they still locked lips.  Give it up, my love."

Sango pulled the agreed amount from her pocket, grumbling, "This is so not fair!"

Miroku plucked the bill from her fingers and leaned over to kiss the pout from her lips.  "All's fair in love and war," he quoted when he broke away.

Inuyasha snapped his jaw shut.  "You two were betting on my love life?  What the hell?!"






Kagome left her therapists office feeling considerably better than when she had arrived.

For three years now, the singer had been coming to Nagani-san's office to try and make sense of her life.  Three months ago the therapist had suggested that Kagome needed to seek a new direction for her life.  She strongly encouraged her to consider returning to her original dream of teaching music.  

Kagome had adamantly refused.  After her sophomore year, she had taken the advice of her beloved and switched her major to Performance Art.  She'd never completed her teaching certification courses because Shiro and Koga had both assured her that the record label was 'this close' to signing her.  Now the prospect of returning to university was absolutely frightening.  Besides, she just simply didn't have the ambition to apply herself to studying.

So for two months the former pop star had floundered in despair of ever moving forward.  

Until the night Inuyasha's voice had saved her.

She had explained to the thrilled Nagani about the events at the nightclub's opening and the deal Koga had negotiated for the group with the club's owners.  But knowing Kagome as well as she did, the therapist had urged her to explain what was keeping her from embracing this new beginning.

After Kagome had told Nagani-san about the burgeoning relationship with Inuyasha, along with all the fear and the confusion it was causing her, the woman had given Kagome the one thing she had been seeking:  a concrete solution.  "Take things as they come," she had explained to the fidgeting singer.  "Every relationship eventually stumbles over obstacles.  Stop worrying about what may happen, Kagome.  Simply enjoy the time you spend with him each day."

Those sage words had lifted Kagome's spirits and as she drove back to the garage, she popped in the CD single of her one and only hit.  Turning up the volume, she sang along while maneuvering the car through Tokyo's downtown traffic and onto the expressway.  Lifting the rose from the seat beside her, she inhaled the fragrance and plotted her greeting for Inuyasha.

When she arrived back at the garage, it was to find the trio hard at work on the stage, hammering out the new arrangement for her song.  She waved merrily at them as she dropped her purse on the couch.  Inuyasha called a short break, set his instrument aside and hopped from the stage.  Kagome met him halfway and threw her arms around his neck.  

"Feeling better?" he queried with a husky chuckle.

"You have no idea," she whispered before lifting her mouth to his.

Sango gave Miroku a cheeky grin and said, "Now that's worth every penny you won!"







By the end of the week the group had three of the four songs ready for their first big night at the Blue Dragon Club.  The birthday party obligation was the next day, and they sat in the lounge area discussing which of the new pieces would be used for the five-song play list.  

"I'm still not one hundred percent happy with 'Romanticide'," Inuyasha stated firmly.  "The bridge still needs work and the rhythm at the end is still bugging me.  Until we get that figured out I don't want to risk playing it."  He looked at the other three members and asked, "Any problems with that?"  When they all shook their heads he moved on.  "I think Sorrow is definitely our best bet for tomorrow, it's soft enough for the girly girls, but dark enough for everyone else."

Kagome shot him a glare and replied icily, "Glad I could meet all of your expectations."

"What's with you today?" he shot back.  "Ever since we started this morning, you've been snapping my head off!"

"You wouldn't understand," she replied cryptically.

Inuyasha snorted.  "Of course I don't get it!  You won't bother to explain it!"

Kagome sighed in frustration.  "Can we just move on?  If we're going to sing 'Sorrow' then fine.  Next?"

Inuyasha grumbled about crazy females while Sango noted the way Kagome kept chewing her lip.  Standing up, she rubbed her belly and announced, "I've got the munchies.  Kagome, would you help me out in the kitchen?"

The singer looked up and sent her a wan smile.  "Sure, why not?"

Sango stuck her head into the newly stocked refrigerator and started grabbing the makings for sandwiches while Kagome got out the utensils and paper plates.  "Are you ok?" the bassist asked in a hushed voice.

Kagome glanced at her out of the corner of her eye.  "I'm fine."

"Nervous about tomorrow?"

"A little, but that's not what's bothering me," she replied as she grabbed the mayonnaise.

Sango frowned.  "Is it Inuyasha?"

"No.  Well, maybe a little," she chuckled.  "He's in rare form today."

"That's his "it's strictly business' mode," Sango explained.  "You'd better get used to it because he gets like this the day before each performance."

"It's no big deal, really."  Kagome heaved a long, suffering sigh as she cut the sandwiches into halves. “I'm just being silly."

Sango placed the items back in the refrigerator, saying, "Kagome, if there's one thing you're not, it's silly.  Talk to me, Hun."

Setting the knife aside, the singer took a deep breath.  "I just never expected any of my songs to be heard by the general public.  They're just so personal...."

"Those are the ones that really speak to people, Kagome.  They will hear your words and the way you deliver them will let people know you are human--just like them.  You experience things and have feelings the same way as everybody else."  Sango grabbed the platter of sandwiches and a bag of chips.  "You'll see.  I may not write many songs, but I know what it feels like to worry about performing them.  It's kind of like having children; you want to keep them close but you know you have to let them fly on their own at some point."  

Kagome pondered the woman's words while collecting the plates and drinks.  She carried them back to the lounge and quietly spoke to Inuyasha. "Can I have a word with you?"

"Will I come back with my head still attached?" he asked snidely.

"Not if you continue talking to me like that!"

Inuyasha huffed, not the least bit happy with all these interruptions to his agenda for the day.  "Fine.  Is the office okay?"  He stretched his arm out to indicate she move ahead of him.

Sango and Miroku watched them leave as they munched on the sandwiches.  Once the door closed the drummer turned to her.  "Give it up, Girl.  What's this all about?"

Smiling innocently, she replied, "Why, Miroku, I have no idea!  Maybe they just want some alone time."

"That's a load of bullshit, Sango," he accused tersely.  "The tension between them is so thick today I thought I was going to choke on it!"

Sango rolled her eyes.  "It's nothing major.  Kagome is a bit nervous about performing her songs, that’s all.  I imagine she wants to apologize for the way she's been acting today."

"If that's the case, we may as well kick back for a while," he informed her.  "They may not have gone in there for a make-out session, but I can almost guarantee that's what they'll end up doing!"  He smiled knowingly at Sango.  "Care to wager?"

"Oh, no!  Not this time," she replied with a wink.  "I never bet against a sure thing!"