InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Do What You Have to Do ❯ Chapter 21: To Let You Go ( Chapter 21 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Title: Do What You Have To Do
Author: DeityOfDeath
Archive: Yes please...
Pairings: Inu Yasha/Sesshomaru mentions of Inu Yasha/Kagome and Inu Yasha/ Kikyo
Category: Drama, romance, slash, Mpreg, yaoi
rating: NC-17/R
Spoilers: Most likely.
Warnings: Yaoi, Lemon, Non-con, Mpreg, Incest, SPOILERS!
Disclaimers: I never have nor will I ever own Inu Yasha or its chars. They are property of Rumiko Takashi and major companies.

Note from Author: Thank You for reading and supporting fan fiction! Enjoy and please review!

The chapter titles are lyrics from the song "Do What You Have to Do" by Sarah McLachlan

Chapter 21: To Let You Go

I woke in mid-afternoon snuggled on Aoiyuki's chair wrapped in a cocoon of blankets. I slowly sat up, my stirring bringing Aoiyuki to my side. She had changed into a pale blue and silver kimono with pale blue hakama, her white hair pulled up into an intricate bun atop her head, allowing a few tendrils to slip free. Her ebony eyes held some worry but other than that slight worry they held happiness which reassured me.

“Good morning Inu Yasha. How are you feeling?”

I gave her a small smile as I moved to sit up. Nothing hurt and amazingly I felt lightness in my chest that I hadn't felt in a long time. My dreams had been almost peaceful and filled with positivity and happiness. I had dreamed of the outdoors and traveling; seeing what lay ahead and as I did so I realized I was alone.

I knew what I must do…I knew that I had to take a break from it all, that I needed to be away from the palace and Sesshomaru and his politics if even for a short while. And as the conclusion came to me I knew it wasn't a permanent answer, just one that would allow me a small respite and when I returned I would have to face Sesshomaru and my problems involving him and our continued relationship as mates and brothers.

“Is Sesshomaru around,” I asked startling Aoiyuki from her task of preparing what looked to be tea but smelled like medicine.

“Yes, he is in a meeting with some of the remaining dignitaries and leaders from various demon tribes and territories. He probably won't be finished any time soon.”

As she finished her statement she came to me bearing a large cup of the tea like substance she had been preparing. She handed it to me and I took it sniffing it as I brought it close to my mouth. I must have given the cloudy green substance a look of disdain because she commented while I brought it to my lips.

“It looks ugly but I have much improved its taste so that you shouldn't dislike it overly much. It is a necessary evil I am afraid. It helps to calm nerves and mend sore throats, though yours sounds much better already.”

I gave her a small smile and emptied the cup and held it out to her. She took it and came to fully stand in front of me.

“I know you are much annoyed and not feeling very well but I would like to give you a quick look over to calm my own frayed nerves. I would be most upset if you were still hurt or worse while in my own quarters,” and as she said that she made sure to take my hands in her own checking them tops and bottoms and then she worked form my arms to my chest and back and from my head to my toes.

“You are as well as expected young lord. Should I call for some food, you must be hungry by now.”

I thought it over and took a deep breath before standing up, “I think I will retire to my quarters for now but if it isn't a hassle I wouldn't mind having food brought there. I will have a bit to eat and then I think I will nap until the children are done with their studies.”

“I will have it done; perhaps I can see to it that the children have their lunch with you. I'm sure they will be most excited to have a break from their studies and time spent with you.”

“Thank you Aoiyuki…for…well everything you've ever done for me and our family,” and as the words fell from my mouth they had a finality to them that I couldn't understand just yet.

“Lord…InuYasha, I do my all for you and your family because I want to. I truly care for you all; I want you to know this. So never feel like you are a chore or that caring for you is a chore or annoyance. I am always here for you.”

I nodded and left her room and then her quarters making my way to my own quarters. The smell of blood still permeated the hallway but not as overwhelmingly horrible as it had been the night before which told me they had disposed of Chinatsu's remains and had begun cleaning Sesshomaru's quarters and room.

Once in my room I found a clean hakama set out on my bed and I stripped out of the robe I had been covered in the night before and dressed in the bright crimson and white cloth left for me. It had been a while since I have dressed in my normal colors that it was almost startling to my self in them now.

Once I was dressed I ran a comb through my locks, just to rid them of tangles before returning to the sitting area of my quarters where I discovered trays of meat piled on my small table as well as extra plates and a covered bowl of steaming white rice. Reika smiled brightly as she entered with two other young female servants, she held a pot of steaming tea in each hand while the servants behind her held cups and napkins.

“Good afternoon Lord InuYasha! We are happy to see you up and about. We were quite worried you would sleep the day away. We brought your favorites from the kitchen. The old cook Miharu and her sister Mihane insisted only the best cuts cooked how you liked were to be served. Please eat your fill. I saw the young lords and lady Chiouka in the hall on the way up.”

I was glad Reika was who she was. Such energy and happiness was warming inside and out.

She grabbed a plate and sat it in front of me and one of her helpers set a tea cup next to the plate and filled it with a fragrant tea from one of the steaming pots.

“This is my special blend; it's a green tea citrus mix. It'll warm you and energize you. Please drink up and please eat. We need you to be hale and healthy Lord InuYasha.”

Ryusei entered the room followed by Chiouka, Haderashi and Hissorashi. I was engulfed in a family hug and found my eyes a bit warm as I returned my family's hug as much as my small arms would allow me. I let go and they all stepped back except for my two youngest who remained in my arms grinning and babbling cutely about their morning.

“He let me hold a sword, a real one,” and as Hadrashi said it he bounced in my arms.

“Didn't he Hisso,” and after he asked Hissorashi nodded enthusiastically at his brothers question smiling brightly.

“I see, well I am glad to hear that big brother Ryusei is teaching you. Remember to do all that he says and follow what he says so that you can grow big and strong and not get hurt,” and as it left my mouth they both nodded and hugged me tight before letting go.

“Come Hisso and Hade, I've made you plates,” Chiouka said as she sat down to tuck into her own food.

Both little ones cheered and sat down digging into their food with all the energy they possessed. None of us corrected them because all of us found joy in the little things and at the moment their eating habits were for us and no dignitaries or visiting guests, they were children and should be allowed to behave as such. I had allowed all my children this small pleasure while growing up.

We all tucked into our food though whether it was everything that had happened or just the quiet of in the room, I found myself lost in my pup's happy and content faces as they ate; Ryusei with his now charming smile and Chiouka with her lady like grin and then my sons with the unfiltered and pure grins that only young boys from a happy upbringing could have.

“Too-chan”, his voice was quiet and calm but I could hear the questions in my eldest son's voice.

As I looked up and smiled at him I noted that all of the wounds he had obtained last night were now healed with no sign of them.

“It's nice to have you all together for a meal that doesn't involve some fancy party or get together,” I responded and then I took a large drink of the tea Reika had prepared for me and discovered it tasted a good as it smelled and made my smile larger.

I watched Ryusei consider my words for a moment before nodding and giving me a gentle smile and nod before leaning over to wipe rice off of Haderashi's cheek.

I listened, sipped tea and ate my own food taking in the conversation around and vision my pups provided and felt myself very lucky to have these bright individuals in my life and yet a part of me needed a break…not from them but from the rest of it. To think it felt horrible and selfish…selfish enough that I couldn't even think of verbalizing it.

And so I felt trapped.

Perhaps I could remain barren for just long enough for the twins to be okay for a small break from them and this castle. The thought seemed foreign and the time like a millennium instead of the few years it would be.

My eyes felt hot and I had to open them wide and blink a few times to dispel the moisture that had gathered in them.

“Come Hade, come Hisso…let us go see if Otoosan is finished with his meeting. Perhaps he can give you another sword lesson,” Chiouka smiled widely in my direction and then stood and came over to my side and placed a kiss on my cheek before walking towards the door. Hade and Hisso both ran over and gave me big hugs with those small arms and then followed her out.

I was left with Ryusei and though he was my child and he had seen so many of my trials and tribulations never once had I felt awkwardness between us like I did now.

“Too-chan, please stop beating yourself up over what happened. It wasn't your fault. I wanted to be there to help you. I put myself in danger not you…you are NOT to blame!”

I nodded and let go of the breath I had been holding and nodded like some child caught being naughty.

“I just wish there hadn't been a situation or a reason for you to HAVE to put yourself in such dangerous situations. Even when you were little you were headstrong and brave and put yourself between me and you Otoosan.”

I watched as he grinned and stood up walking around my receiving area, “You're important to me. I know you can protect yourself but at the same time…I want to protect you.”

I gave him a watery smile as he came to kneel at my feet like he had when he was a small pup, but even kneeling he was almost at my height, showing how much he had grown.

“When Otoosan started training me I worked really hard to become strong and when he asked me why I wanted to be strong I stood on my wobbly legs and growled at him and told him that I wanted to protect you. He of course laughed in my face; the first time I had ever heard the sound of laughter from his tightly pressed lips. He said we were much alike.”

I smiled imagining father and son toe to toe after just beginning to know each other.

“I am not mature yet but I am no pup or child but even pups and children can see that you are close to a breaking point. I have talked with Chiouka and she is in agreement with me that you need to be free of father and this palace if even for a short period of time. I am sure that Otoosan sees it too.”

I was saddened that my breakdown was obvious enough to be seen and noticed and not as hidden as I had hoped it was.

“Go talk to Otoosan…if he denies your request for a break then simply let us know. We will help you escape and intercede on your behalf before he sends out a search party.”

I stood up and pulled my first born into my arms and held him there, thankful to Sesshomaru for the gifts that are my children. I let go and stepped back letting my gratitude and love show as I looked him in the eyes.

“Your father has given me many gifts but nothing compares to the gifts that are you, Chiouka, Haderashi and Hissorashi.”

“Before you can see the light, you have to deal with the darkness…or so they say.”

I grabbed Ryusei by his now defined cheekbones and brought his face down so that I could give him a small kiss on his forehead, “You definitely got your book smarts from your father.”

He gave me a boyish grin and began heading for the door. Before he walked out he called over his shoulder, “Or maybe I just learned from a watching my Toochan.”

I made myself busy by straightening my room and setting things right and I paced and thought, a thousand things running through my mind. I watched as the light began to fade into dusk and I made my way down to the dining room.

I found our home returned to normal as all guests vacated the palace and our lands. No sight or sound of Sesshomarus mother and was glad for it. She would return at some point but for now I had my victory.

We were seated and the food was served and as everyone tucked into the meal I couldn't even taste it as I watched Sesshomaru from across the room. I admired his high cheek bones and his predator like golden eyes that seemed to delve into your soul and could leave you breathless in fear or arousal and I have experienced both many times over. I watched him blink long pale eyelashes and his bowlike lips and remembered the hurtful words had released like venom and then there were the honeyed words of love and lust and devotion said in times of passion during coupling. His long fingers that left me bruised and in pain but also brought so much pleasure and comfort.

He was mine as much as I was his and yet I needed to be away from him. Not forever…but for now.

Dinner ended and I was coerced into reading the boys a bedtime story and so I walked them into their room and settle on the large bed the two shared and told them a tale from the past about Kaede and Kagome. I told them of Miroku and Sango and of Shippo and of Kirara and of the evil a great land beyond a well. I listened to their soft intakes of breath and their tiny snores and I tucked them in and placed a kiss on each tiny forehead and quietly left their room.

I found myself face to face with Sesshomaru who had been standing outside their room and knowing him he had listened to the whole story from beginning to end as he waiting for me.

I looked into his eyes and he looked into mine and he held out his hand. It took me only a moment before I placed my hand in his and we held hands as he led me into my quarters. We made it inside before he pulled me close and wrapped his arms around me. He held me there, his hands playing along my arms and back before he pushed the door closed with his foot and brought his hands to cup my face and brought his down so that our lips met and we shared a soft and slow kiss that become another and then another and then he kissed my cheeks, chin, forehead, neck and then that sensitive on the back of my neck while his hands held my head in his gentle grasp as I gasped for breath and shivered at his gentle kisses.

He let go of my face so that he could kiss his way downwards and as he did so he made quick word of removing any clothing that hindered his progress. He did this while slowly moving us towards my room, shedding clothing like a snake sheds his skin; leaving evidence that we had once been there.

We came to the bed and he used his knees to push me back so that I fell onto the bed, his knees trapping me in place while he stripped the rest of his clothes off and then he leaned over me and trapped my legs between his as he crawled onto the bed and continued to worship my body with his lips, tongue and teeth. He was gentler than he had ever been and each touch was like a feather across my skin leaving me a writhing moaning mess.

He worked his way down so that his kiss ended on the tip or my arousal and then that kiss became a lick and then a nibble and then heat engulfed me and I writhed and moaned like I had never had before and played my body like he was tuning a fine instrument; the final note being my scream of release. I shook and struggled for breath but he gave me but a moments respite as I watched him swallow and lick his lips like a dog that had just eaten the most delicious bone.

His eyes were delighted and predatory and I watched as he moved down further, his kisses touched the most sensitive of areas and I writhed as his tongue continued where his kiss left off and I was undone all over again. I felt one finger enter and I bucked and writhed against him as one became two and two became three and as I started chanting his name he removed those gentle digits.

The emptiness at the loss was short lived as he entered me, slowly filling me until I could be filled no more. He stayed a moment and then ever so slowly he removed himself. He did this until I writhed and began to toss my head side to side begging for more…begging for the release his teasing promised.

He leaned over me and began to build up to a faster pace as he licked the scar between my shoulder and neck where my mating mark resided and as my third release came upon me he bit down on the mark and my vision became white and I screamed his name until my breath was gone and then I shuddered under him mercilessly as he tied me to him and released deep inside of me.

When he softened we began a new round in a different position and after we were released we tried another and another until dawn came and I lay in his arms on my side exhausted and my voice a mere whisper.

“I will allow you to leave us, with the promise that you will return to us.”

As he said it my heart caught in my throat. It had been a while since he had referred to himself as “us” or “this Sesshomaru”. Had the thought of my leaving brought about this change?

I nodded and his arms that had loosened around my body tightened their hold and pulled me fully against his chest.

“We would like to hear the words from your mouth.”

I turned somewhat painfully so that I could face him, “I will.”

My voice was scratchy and soft but it was heard.

“You will….what?”

I rolled my eyes and lifted my arm to lightly smack his chest, “I will return, to you and to our pups.”

“Is that a promise,” he asked sounding like a pup which left me laughing at him as much as I could with my poor abused throat.

“Yes, I promise,” and after I answered he pulled me closer so that my head rested on his chest, just under his chin.

“I will come find you if you do not, you know this to be true.”

“I do,” and as I answered I knew that he would and somehow I felt happy about it.

Boy had my life come full circle.

To Be Continued….

Thank you~!!!!!! Thank you for your support, the kind words, the amazing reviews and the outpouring of awesome that you all have provided. I hope to eventually finish this story so I can work on the three other Inu Yasha stories I have planned.

I will try my hardest!

Kat