InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Do What You Have to Do ❯ Chapter 32: I know I can’t be with you ( Chapter 32 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Title: Do What You Have To Do
Author: DeityOfDeath
Archive: Yes please...
Pairings: Inu Yasha/Sesshomaru mentions of Inu Yasha/Kagome and Inu Yasha/ Kikyo
Category: Drama, romance, slash, Mpreg, yaoi
rating: NC-17/R
Spoilers: Most likely.
Warnings: Yaoi, Lemon, Non-con, Mpreg, Incest, SPOILERS!
Disclaimers: I never have nor will I ever own Inu Yasha or its chars. They are property of Rumiko Takashi and major companies.

Note from Author: Thank You for reading and supporting fan fiction! Enjoy and please review!

The chapter titles are lyrics from the song "Do What You Have to Do" by Sarah McLachlan

Chapter 32: I know I can't be with you

Life is certainly strange with its twists and turns.

I had finished my warm scented bath after washing myself from head to toe. I marveled in the fresh scent of citrus and rosehips that now covered me. It seemed so foreign and yet oh so familiar. I had wrapped myself in one of the overly large fluffy towels after patting my body dry and running it over my long locks a few times.

I was amazed to see that a large clean cream colored inner robe had been placed atop the large bed in the sleeping room of the quarters.

The robe was soft and also smelled of rosehips letting me know that this life was far from the one I had been living but I couldn't say I disliked it, it was simply different. I changed into a clean fundoshi which had also been set out for me before I slipped the robe on and tied it as tightly as I could around my large body thanks to the unborn child beneath my heart. I was warm and clean and so I sat on the plush bed and looked around the room that had once been mine or so I was told.

A dressing table stood across from the bed with bottles half full of varying types of oils and scents and on that table was a fine chair pushed in and in front of that chair on that table laid a large brush and three combs of varying sizes and types along with string and leather and ornamental hair combs. I looked up and saw my curious wide golden eyed face staring back at me.

I heard the door to my quarters open and looked up to see Reika enter along with another young girl who had soft brown locks pulled up into braided pigtails on the sides of her head allowing long chocolate brown floppy bunny ears to easily be seen atop her head. She also looked familiar and I fought to remember her name.

I noticed each girl held a brightly colored hakama set in each of their small arms. They came forward and laid them across my bed giving me a full view of them. The one Reika had carried was a deep red with softer shades of red and white throughout with camellias in silver and red embroidery throughout the garments hem and up and over one shoulder. The other was done in soft shades baby blue with white and a darker blue that was not quite as dark as Ryusei's navy blue with silver and white stitching and embroidery of snowflakes in varying patterns so beautiful that you could see the time spent on each snowflake. Both were beautiful but neither looked familiar.

“Which would you prefer to wear InuYasha-sama,” asked Reika giving me a bright smile.

The red called to me and yet I found the pale blue more calming and so I chose that one instead. I stood up and was helped into the outfit with quick and skillful hands and then I was directed to a full length piece of reflective glass. As I looked at the image of myself I couldn't help but think that I now suited the regal youkai that was supposed to be my mate a bit more now.

“Now we'll do your hair,” said Reika excitedly which made me smile. Her enthusiasm was certainly adorable.

I was lead to the chair at the table against the wall and I was helped into it and no sooner had I sat down then I felt the gentle tugging of brushes through my long tresses and the feel of well oiled fingers moving along my scalp and beyond as the smell of citrus and rosehips filled my nostrils and the room.

As I sat there I could recall the many times I had sat in this chair while Reika worked her gentle fingers through my hair creating beautiful art with my long and oddly enough; short locks popped into my memory. I closed my eyes and felt her twist and tug gently, feeling my pliant hair take shape in her hands and I felt myself start to fall asleep as she worked. I felt and heard the soft jingle of hair ornaments before her happy voice rang out with a jovial “all done”.

I was handed a hand mirror which I looked into a bit surprised. The sides had been pulled up and into intricate braids and twists and then pinned in place by beautiful carved bone and shell combs that shined with sapphires and pearls that hung down at the sides that caught the light and shined brightly among my remaining downed tresses. I was certainly a sight to see and my expression must have said as much.

“Oh, we are not quite done yet Lord InuYasha,” and as she said it she lifted the all too familiar coal eyeliner and I closed my eyes knowing the routine and turned in my seat so that she could do as Kiyomi and Kiyoko had often done in the troop. She applied the coal and I felt a slick substance that tasted of honey and beeswax along my lips. I opened my eyes and lifted the mirror once more to see that odd ethereal being staring back at me, with coal-lined eyes and moistened pink lips.

“We are all done Lord InuYasha. It is almost time for dinner; would you like an escort down to the dinning room?”

I shook my head “no” and smiled before answering, “No that's alright. I think I would like to reacquaint myself with everything.”

Reika smiled somewhat confused but nodded, “If there is anything you need just call for me.”

I offered my thanks and watched as she left my quarters. I sat at my dressing table and looked at each bottle of liquid and even smelling some and picked up and looked at the different hair combs and sticks. I opened the drawers of my dressing table finding even more hair sticks and pins and oils. I stood and found my way to the closet and opened it seeing woven baskets and feeling curious I took the lid off of one finding a fine kimono in shades of yellow and orange folded nicely inside. I replaced the lid and opened another finding yet another finely made kimono in shades of white and black also folded neatly inside. I opened one more and was surprised to find an old tattered red hakama set that held my scent. It was a soft material and yet it felt tough and looked as though it had seen its fair share of adventures. I smiled as a memory of wearing a similar outfit as a child and gently replaced the lid before leaving the closet and closing the door. I explored the rest of my quarters and eventually decided to venture out of them.

I walked along the hallways and looked over every picture and artifact as I did, finding myself remembering one or two of the royal youkai in the paintings but not all. I found myself outside a large set of doors not far from my own quarters and something in me made me open them. I peeked inside and finding no sign of maid or servant I called out a soft hello and receiving no answer I entered. I softly closed the door behind me and entered the small receiving area and saw that it was similar to the own in my own quarters. I saw nothing out of place and no actual sign of whose quarters these could be. I took a deep sniff as I paced and tried to decipher the scents that filtered through my nose. I could decipher my own scent though it seemed stale and old letting me know that at some point in time I had spent time in these quarters which perhaps is why I felt the urge to enter.

Emboldened by the discovery I made my way through another doorway and found myself in a large room with an even larger bed covered in blankets and sheets a deep shade of red. Here in this room I could smell my stale scent as well as what seemed to be the stale scent of Sesshomaru. I paced his room noting his large closet; which much like my own, upon further inspection contained a multitude of woven baskets containing fine clothing of various types.

I closed the closet door and found myself exploring the dressing table and an odd scent caught my attention…something that smelled strongly of me was coming from the top drawer and I pulled open the drawer and there in side was a coil of silver hair partly braided and tied together at one end with a few strands of hair. I gently picked it up by the tied end and felt the strands slip through the fingers of my other hand and as I looked it over and its scent filled my nose I realized it was my own hair. As I looked down at it and felt it pull through my fingers a memory came to me of a shaving knife being pulled through tresses I had pulled over my shoulder until the back of my head was shorn short and I tied them together and upon seeing Sesshomaru I had thrown him the gathered locks in exchange for a younger Ryusei who ran into my arms.

So…much sadness and rage in the memory and yet Sesshomaru had kept the locks, they smelled of deeply of his scent and I couldn't help but find it a little bit endearing. I returned the tied locks of hair to its resting place in the drawer and pushed it closed. I looked around the room once more before making my way out, making sure that I had left nothing behind or out of place before closing the door to the quarters closed and continued on my exploration until I came to the stairs and followed them down.

I came to the bottom of the stairs and saw the wide smiling face of a young man with bright shinning brown eyes and freckles across his high cheekbones and as I looked him over he bowed at the waist and looked up at me almost reverently. He was quite the figure in his black hakama set complete with gleaming black armor lined with what looked to be a cerulean type of jade but as I came closer I knew it to be the carcass or shell of an insect youkai known for its impenetrable carapace.

“Hello Lord InuYasha, I am glad to see you home. I was told of your situation and I would like to introduce myself. I am Kohaku brother to one of your good friends…”

Before he could finish I cut him off, “Sango.”

He looked slightly startled but then his bright smile returned and I saw the image of Sango's of smile.

“I am beginning to remember bits and pieces and being here seems to help jog my memories.”

He nodded and extended his arm in the direction to the right, “This way to the dining area.”

I nodded and he walked beside me as we both made our way there.

“Have the children been informed of my condition,” I asked somewhat nervous at once again seeing my children, especially Hade and Hisso.

“They have, Lord Sesshomaru pulled them aside and explained to them your ailment and its cause.”

I gripped the extra fabric of my sleeves and finally brought them across my stomach as I walked, “How did they take it?”

And at that question Kohaku stopped and I followed his example looking up into suddenly serious brown eyes.

“They were upset but not because of the loss of memory though I am sure that was part of it. They were saddened that you had been hurt. You are a big part of this family and if it's not being too forward I would like to say that I and many others in this castle agree that you are the heart of not only this family but of this castle.”

At Kohaku's words my chest ached and I felt my eyes heat as I nodded and rubbed my belly at a loss for words.

“We have become quite accustomed to your presence from the lowliest of staff member to your brother and mate himself. We all knew you needed a break from the castle and the politics but we selfishly missed you while you were gone. To have you back is in itself a relief and we would take your return in anyway we could have it.”

I nodded and quickly wiped away the moisture gathered in my eyes and nodded clearing my throat, “Well then I will try my hardest not to disappoint.”

He smiled widely up at me and shook his head before he started to walk once more, “You need not try, you need only be present and be who you are and all will be as it should be.”

Kohaku certainly was wise for one who had only lived all of twenty and some odd years. I was over two hundred and still learning.

As we came to the dining room I saw two well dressed guardsmen in full regalia with swords at their sides bow and pull the doors open so that we could step through them.

Once inside the dining room I looked forward and saw a long western style table covered with plates and dishes and bowls and at the far end sat Sesshomaru in a hakama set done in the most beautiful and crisp of whites and a bright shade of crimson that matched the sparkling camellia's embroidered into the white on his left shoulder and down along his chest. His hair was in its usual style but if you looked close enough you could see that it had been oiled and brushed making it look even more magnificent.

Beside him was an empty seat on the left which he smoothly lifted his hand and indicated was my seat. I nodded letting him know I had seen before walking fully into the room and making my way to the table. As I did so I looked at the faces around the table and was amused to see the troop on the right side of the table dressed in kimono and hakama's of the finest caliber. Everyone looked splendid, even Hiroaki who looked somewhat uncomfortable but he had his beautiful lion visage out for all to see and it made me smile to see him free of his hood and face covering. He had his wild mane of hair pulled back into a ponytail against his neck and wore a deep copper colored hakama set that seemed to make his fiery gold eyes stand out most.

He sat beside Lord Pacchiri, his wife and Kouga whom sat at Sesshomaru's right. On Hiroaki's other side sat Midoriko, Kiyoko, Kiyomi, Naomi and then Chiasa and Masa and then across from them sat my two youngest Hade and Hisso and then a beautiful older woman with long flowing white locks with the sides braided and pulled back behind her head with a set of deep ebony eyes. Her kimono of deep black and pale blue made her pale complexion and eyes stand out even more and as I looked at her I found a memory surfacing of her at my side while I labored and her name echoed in my mind.

“Aoiyuki…”

She smiled brightly and nodded her head in acknowledgement, “It is nice to see you have returned InuYasha.”

I returned her smile and looked around me at the grand room with its occupant's new and old and felt myself nod even though I still felt uncertain about my feelings involving this castle and those in it.

I sat down next to Sesshomaru whose eyes seemed to bore into me, their heat causing me to blush slightly. I spared him a glance and gave him a soft smile before looking away and at those across from us in the troop whom also seemed to be staring quite openly at me, though their stares weren't quite as heated and more surprise and awe.

“I must say that you certainly seem to glow in this castle,” said Hiroaki with a awed smile.

I blushed and fought a scowl, “I am still the same person, just in finer clothes.”

At that I received a few chuckles and I was surprised to see that Sesshomaru was chuckling at my expense as well.

“That is all too true, InuYasha” Sesshomaru said lifting his glass in a small toast to my words.

The others joined and a soft echoing of words followed before they downed their drinks. I sighed and lifted my own small glass of what smelled of sake and drank it quickly, hoping its warmth would allow others to mistake my heated cheeks for drunkenness and not embarrassment. Servants refilled everyone's glasses and food was served.

I ate while I listened in on the small conversations going on around the table, my ears swiveling to catch words here and there. Hiroaki talking to Ryusei about life on the road, Lord Pacchiri telling Sesshomaru of the wondrous performance he saw the night he found me, and Sesshomaru asked if a small performance could take place during their stay and they happily agreed.

I was only gifted one glass of sake and a cup of watered down wine before I was given a warm cup of green tea. I drank both and felt the little one within wiggle and kick and stretch almost to the point of pain. I was glad to be in a warm home and not the back of a wagon when this small one decides to make an appearance which I was betting would be soon. I tried to cup my belly as a deep ache filled my belly that stretched along my back. It was painful enough that a small gasp left my mouth.

I closed my eyes as I rode the pain out and after a few seconds I felt another hand join my own and upon opening my eyes and looking up I saw Aoiyuki stooped down at my side watching me with a soft smile.

“It seems you might be having false contractions but if you are comfortable enough I would like to examine you just to be sure,” and I found myself nodding in agreement to her words.

“Would you like anyone to be with you,” she softly whispered and after a moments thought I looked over at Midoriko and Naomi before looking at Sesshomaru.

Words were not needed as all three stood and I was helped into a standing position after the pain had lessened some.

“Please continue eating and enjoy yourselves,” Sesshomaru spoke as I was escorted out of the dining room and led back up the stairs in what I realized was the direction of what I knew to be “my” quarters.

It was Sesshomaru who opened the doors and stood aside to allow everyone to enter and after I walked through with Aoiyuki at my side I heard the door click closed and I was lead to my bed as another aching pain laced through my back and midsection just a bit stronger than the last. I took a deep breath and rubbed my belly in the hopes I could ease it somewhat. I had four pairs of eyes watching as I breathed and rubbed my belly through the pain and when it ended I was helped out of my outer layer of clothes so that only my inner robe remained and then I was helped into a laying position. Naomi stood at my side with Midoriko while Sesshomaru came to sit on my bed at my other side and gently took my other hand which had nervously gripped the bedding.

He gently squeezed my hand and I looked up into calm golden eyes that radiated reassurance while Aoiyuki's small firm hands prodded and probed at my belly and pelvis. I felt a blanket cover my lower half and she gently pried my legs apart as her slightly chilly hands probed my most of private of places. She did this and I squeezed Sesshomaru's hand as his fingers gently rubbed my knuckles and I felt myself pulling comfort from this man whom I could barely recall and yet I didn't want him to stop his touches or leave my side.

She finished her exam and I was allowed to close my legs after she set my clothing straight. She came to stand next to Sesshomaru and gave me a tender smile.

“Your body is not ready just yet and the little one has yet to turn downwards so I am certain your pains are false labor but should they persist and increases in pain please make sure I am informed sooner rather than later.”

I nodded and inhaled and exhaled as I worked to the weight in my chest.

“Also I know it is nearly impossible given our current predicament but please try to prevent any further stress and strain. It is unhealthy and can cause an early labor. This little one feels healthy but it is best to let them choose when they're ready to arrive and not hasten their arrival if at all possible.”

“I will try my hardest but I can't make any promises.”

She smiled and nodded at my words, “You have a talent for finding trouble so I will take what I can. Rest and relax as much as possible. I shall check on you in the morning,” she gently patted my arm and I watched as she left the room.

“Since you are in good hands we shall take our leave as well. Sleep well young one,” and I watched as Naomi stood and Midoriko as well.

“Take care of our precious Shiro.”

Midoriko smiled down at me after looking a confused Sesshomaru in the eye and she followed Naomi out of the room, the soft click of the door echoing in the now quiet of the room.

Sesshomaru slowly released my hand and he stood up, his face showing nothing as he stared down at me.

“Is there anything you need before I take me leave?”

As the words left his mouth I felt a small bit of panic and it must have shown on my face because he blinked and looked lost and confused.

I lifted my hand and held it up so that he took it in his hand once more, “Stay…please.”

The panic left his face and he nodded gently squeezing my hand before letting go. I watched as he took off his hakama and outer kimono leaving only his inner robe on. I scooted over so that he had room and I was in the middle of the overly large bed. I slid my legs beneath the heavy blankets and tried to get comfortable as the room dimmed. I looked up and watched as Sesshomaru extinguished the candles throughout the room until he held the remaining one in his hand. He set it on a small end table and blew it out leaving the room in darkness.

I felt the heavy blankets lift and heard the sound of legs sliding against the blankets and felt the draft of cold air as he joined me under the covers.

I was nervous and yet it all felt so familiar and my need to have him close overwhelmed my nervousness. He felt like comfort and normality and so I found my body moving closer to his warmth and soon I was next to him and the two of us were almost like newlyweds; desperate for closeness and intimacy and yet afraid to take the first step.

I lifted my hand and found his arm and gently touched it, trailing my fingers along it until finally fingers met and entangled once more.

“I'm sorry…,” I whispered softly feeling my cheeks heat and glad for the dark.

“For what,” he returned.

“For asking you to stay with me,” and as I said it I felt selfish and silly at the same time.

“You need not be. I am as desperate for your touch as you are mine.”

At those words I felt a tingle of happiness and excitement and some relief.

“Part of it is our mated bond.”

“And the rest,” I asked afraid of to hear his answer and yet I wanted to know.

“Emotions and feelings that there are no words for or simply need no words,” and his answer was sure and strong and left no room for doubt.

I smiled and slowly turned on my side so that I could lay my head on his shoulder which seemed so right and perfect, like I was supposed to fit perfectly against him; two pieces of a puzzle that fit perfectly together. I felt my eyes grow heavy as I lay against him and I felt him shift so that his arms came to wrap around me, encompassing me in his arms. I snuggled and allowed his scent and warmth pull me into the comfort of sleep.

To Be Continued….

So I had the flu…I got better and decided to go through all the chapters and correct as many mistakes as possible and repost or replace chapters…took me over a week. And as soon as I was finished I started writing. So…here we are and then my coworker was fired and I'm doing twice as much work and thus when I came home I was literally falling asleep on my laptop.

Here's hoping I get the next chapter out this coming week if not sooner.

Thank you for all the reviews and saves.

Kat