InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Doll Parts ❯ Best Sunday Dress ( Chapter 5 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: IdiotGirl22 
Things come from the past...
God that sounds gay...
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Romance / Angst | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 07.29.2005 | Pages: 6 | Words: 5.1K | Visits: 317 | Status: Work In Progress
Things come from the past...
God that sounds gay...
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Romance / Angst | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 07.29.2005 | Pages: 6 | Words: 5.1K | Visits: 317 | Status: Work In Progress
It was strange how he suddenly opened up to me that day. Strange how he let part of his defense down so I felt comforted. He really was always a sweet person underneath the rough and hateful persona. I guess that was what made me stick around with him, because I knew even if he was a bastard he was really just a scared and sweet boy inside, he'd never admit to it though.
I didn't stay long at his small apartment...an hour maybe. Just an hour of resting in his lap, listening to the silence and our breathing. I think there was a point when he cried...but I really don't know. It wasn't immpossible for it to happen...I mean I had seen tears in his eyes before...and it did surprise me a little then...I mean InuYasha...the one guy in school known for his hate and malice crying. I think that what had me interested in him the most.
When I had walked home that day, I felt a little weight lift off of me, in a way I felt closer to contentment then I had before knowing I had someone with whom I could share my pain. And when I walked through the back door loving the rush of heat from the house I smiled a tiny true smile and told my mother I had a pretty good day. It always amazes even now how the smallest thing he did made me feel better. Little did I know though that the next day, and the next, and the next would be even harder for me, would be filled with more than whispers and glares.
*
Put on my best sunday dress. And I walk straight into this mess of mine. Yeah, put on my best sunday dress. And walk straight into this mess
*
Words. Words were everywhere on my locker... not kind welcoming words either. Unless you count: 'Drug dealers whore.' , or 'Attention wanting whore.' as being supporting. Did people honestly think I was the only person in our school to have done something like this? Were the people I associated myself with truely that shallow? I didn't know...and instead of pondering the question further I kicked my locker. Again. And again. And Again. Pretty soon there was a nice sized dent in it, and I sunk to my knees, resting my head on the cool marker tainted metal.I heard steps behind me but did not bother to look who it was.
"They're fucking idiots aren't they? Look one of them spelled whore wrong..." he said gruffly. And slowly I looked up at him, tears evident in my eyes.
"They can all suck giant blue balls." I said standing up ajusting my messenger bag on my shoulder. "How do you seem to know where I am all the time anyways?" I sighed out, after swallowing my tears.
"The sound of someone kicking a locker is pretty fucking loud wench."
"Well aren't you supposed to be in class anyways?"
"I had to use the little boys room..." he said looking around oddly.
"Little boys room?" I said raising an eyebrow. "You know...I'm not gonna go into that."
"Like you haven't said anything wierder than that before." he grouched out.
"Nope. Never." I said playfully before walking away.
"Annoying wench!" he called to me before I turned a corner.
My whole day I zoned out. Trying to ignore the poking in my back and the constant papers thrown at my head. People were so fucking imature. People sucked. And I tried my best to grin and push myself through it...but lunch was about the time I broke. I was sitting in the cafeteria...alone...and when I got up to empty my tray someone had tripped me. And it was while I was lieing on the ground trying to recover, that the laughing started.
"Hey! I can see up her skirt!" someone yelled, and even more laughter ensued. Instantly I sat up and blushed hanging my head low.
"Fuck probably anybody could see up her skirt if they had a a little baggy of coke! Isn't that right? You're nothing but a drugged up slut aren't you?" a boy said getting into my face. My eyes were wide and full of tears ready to over flow. My lips were trembling and as I looked into the boys eyes I saw the laughter there, I saw the malice and the nothingness. And it was when he started harshly laughing in my face that I snapped back into the real world.
"Nothing but a drugged up slut." he said as he leaned in whispering into my ear. That was when my tears ran down my face as my whole fucking pathetic life flashed before my eyes. All the laughter, all the jeers and harsh eyes stopped though, as the boy was ripped away from me. I looked up wide eyed as I saw InuYasha standing there, holding the surprised boy by the collar, glaring at him. Everyone gasped and instantly there was a silence and then a wave of whispers erupted.
*
And watching you burn. Watching you burn. Watching you burn. Watching you burn.
*
"Shes probably screwing him..."
"The freaks...they really do belong together..."
I heard them all. Each one running through my head, one inparticular caught my full attention though.
"Is he gonna kill her too?"
What did they mean by that? I didn't get to ponder it further though as InuYasha begun to speak.
"You little fucking prick. Think you're so smart and funny huh? You fucking faggot."
"Fuck you." spat the boy trying to get InuYasha to let go of him...it didn't work.
"You'd like to fuck me wouldn't you? I've seen the way you eye up the guys at gym...Wouldn't want that to get out now would you?" InuYasha said quietly...barely loud enough for me to hear.
"N...no." the boy said shaking his head, his eyes going wide. With that InuYasha dropped him and looked to me before walking away. I got off the ground a few minutes later and ran out of the cafeteria doors, only to have someone grab my wrist. I turned sharply to see who it was, relieved when it wasn't someone coming to harass me.
"InuYasha..." I said in a breathy voice placing my hand on my chest.
"You wanna leave?" he asked me seriously looking me in the eyes, and all I could do was nod.
We didn't even bother to go to my locker to retrieve my things as we walked out the side door of the school and instantly I regretted it. It was fucking freezing outside! I tried to hold myself for warmth wrapping my arms around myself tightly as I could, and blanched when I felt a jacket put around me. I looked to InuYasha and smiled a little, with a simple nod in return. We walked the rest of the way to his apartment in silence.
"I still say Spongebob is having an affair with Patrick." came his gruff voice.
"No way, that would be too obvious...Hes got the hots for Squidward why do you think they have so many clubs for him all the time?"
"Feh...hes probably the ring leader of their torture chamber wench. They're probably into that s&m shit." We had been talking about senseless shit for about an hour now, basically trying to forget what happened earlier. The conversations we had so far were pretty interesting and I never knew someone like InuYasha could be fun and entertaining.
"Whatever, as far as I'm concerned this conversation has gone a little too far for its own good." I said with a little laugh.
"Feh...whatever...you're the one who brought your own demented thoughts up. I never talk about this kind of stuff."
"Oh you know you threw some of you sick fantasies in there too." I said throwing a small pillow at him. "Besides...I don't usually watch cartoons."
"Yeah whatever." and then it was quiet, both of us just sitting on the couch, not really knowing what to say... I looked around a little and sighed tiredly. It wasn't that he was boring me...it was that I'd have nothing to do when I got home.
"InuYasha?..."
"Yeah?" he drawled out slowly.
"Tell me more about yourself."
"Like what?"
"Like..." and then I remembered what I heard earlier... 'Is he gonna kill her too?' what did they mean? "Why are you the freak of our school?"
"Because...." he stiffened... "thats why..."
"That...was lame."
"Its none of your business wench! Do you see me asking you why you fucking drugged yourself up? Or why you went all freaky in the park that one night?!" his voice was rigid, and I was slightly hurt by his words. I felt stupid and really I wanted to leave but instead I stayed cemented to his couch.
"Sorry." I said quietly...
"I...I didn't mean to snap..." he said trying to explain himself.
"You know...maybe I should go..." I said getting up. He didn't try to stop me as I walked out his door and for that I felt grateful...I shouldn't have asked such a stupid blunt question.... I could tell the moment his eyes looked pained.
*
Pale blue eyes, so young. Pale blue eyes, so far away. Watch me work in sorrow, forgive me all his pain.
*
When I had gotten home my mother was at work and my brother sleeping in his room. I felt the quiet feeling of the house enter me, and went up to my room. There was nothing else for me to do...so I simply fell asleep. Only to be awoken an hour later by the loud shrilling of the phone.
"Hello?" came my groggy voice.
"Kagome? Is that you?"
"Yeah...who is this?"
"Its...Ayame." I stiffened when I heard this...what did she want?
"Give me a reason I shouldn't hang up on you right now." my voice was venom.
"I'm sorry..." and with that I hung up on her. She could be sorry all she wanted...that didn't mean that she could feel guilt free. Putting the phone down I simply rolled over and fell back asleep, wanting to just fade away.
The next day at school I arrived and looked around me feeling strange looking at all these people and for once not being apart of them. My eyes stopped on my old group and I caught Ayame looking my way, she looked sad for a moment but instantly smiled afterward and laughed with the rest of them, it made me sick. Was that how I looked? Was that what I wanted to be for the rest of my life? Fuck that. I walked silently to where I saw InuYasha and stood next to him, neither of us saying a word, until some prick decided to throw a rock at my head.
"FRRRREEEAAKKK!" the dick head called, and I felt my head for any bumps, beside me I heard InuYasha growl. I suppose he would have gone after him but soon the little groups of people were one big blob as the bell for school rang. I just wished that they would all move on...that they could find something more interesting than me...but alas that was not to be. Instead I found various papers all over my locker not bothering to read them before ripping them down. They could write all they wanted, everything would all say the same thing.
I walked to class slowly ignoring the people bumping me in the hall, just drifting away in my head and growing tired and bored with life. How could everyone just be so fcking happy? How could they always feel okay? I wanted an answer...I needed to know, but nothing came. No god made it better, and no mystery person on a white horse came to whisk me away. And for some reason I felt betrayed.
The day continued on as normal as it could get. It seemed that people were getting bored of me and now just simply refused to talk to me. I didn't go to lunch that day though instead I opted to just wander around the halls, and do nothing but think. I had barely seen InuYasha today, and I wondered if maybe he were avoiding me...It didn't bother me that thought...I guess it was because I was avoiding him too.
And slowly as the days passed, we started talking again, and I was adjusting to being ignored. I felt really strange befriending InuYasha, and I'm sure he felt the same...but I needed someone no matter how much I hated to admit it. And he was really to the only person to see my need. That too...was strange.
"Kagome...could you come straight home after school? Souta needs some help on his project and I've got work." came my mother's voice right before I walked out the door for school. I looked to her, and smiled a little trying to relieve the tension and stress in her tired eyes.
"Sure Momma." and with that I walked out the door.
It had been maybe two weeks since I came back to school...and for me things were getting slowly easier to deal with. InuYasha and I had grown closer but not by much. We found we were into a lot of the same music, and held some same interests. I found out that he lived alone, having moved out of his brother's house earlier that year. I never found why people didn't like him though....rumors were that he used to be a really great athlete. But I'd be patient until he was ready to tell I guess.
The day had passed for me and I was gathering my things from my locker, slowly zoning out and thinking about the time I'd spend with my brother....I hadn't talked to him in a while....
"You coming over girl?"
"I have a name....and no. I'm not going to today. I'm helping my brother with something."
"You have a brother?" he asked me kind of bug eyed. I looked at him strangely and nodded.
"Yeah....hes ten."
"Oh....later then I guess."
"Buh bye."
Walking home nothing happened, I just thought about things and how odd of a turn my life had taken....and in the back of my mind...I thought about InuYasha.
"Okay, whats the topic on?"
"Drugs." my little brother said plainly...in fact...it was more of a dull sound...and instantly my heart bittered torwards my mother. "Momma said you'd know more than she would." At that my heart froze over and broke...even if she didn't mean ill intent, how could she say such a thing?
"O...Okay. What do you have to do?" my voice was a little out of pitch but I brushed it off.
"We have to list all the drugs we know, and then research them. It sounds pretty easy huh?" he said smiling a little at me...and I could do nothing but be fake one more time and smile back.
*
And I've come here to confess to the wind and the rain and the glorious fame. And I've come here all undressed.
For the numb and the dumb all say the name that you burn.
*
"Thanks for the warning mother." I said bitingly as my mother walked in through the back door.
"What?" she said looking slightly surprised.
"Souta's little project about 'drugs'. Said I would know more huh? Why don't you just fucking tell him!" I didn't know why I was being so wierd about all of this usually I would just brush it off but now....
"Well you do don't you! I mean you've done them for god only knows how long." her tone was angry now though still deflated of life.
"Oh go fuck yourself." I said before I grabbed my coat and walked out the front door. I walked for maybe 15 minutes before I got to InuYasha's house and I was about freezing my nipples off. Sprinting up the stairs I finally made it to his door, and after one minute of pounding he decided to open up.
"Took you long enough." I said breezing past him, not even bothering to take a look at him.
"What are you doing here?"
"Standing, breathing. You know the works." I commented before plopping on the couch and flipping throught the TV, he sat next to me a few seconds later, and it was when I looked to smile at him that I knew something was wrong.
"Inu...Yasha?"
"What woman?" he said staring blankly at the TV screen. I made a move to get closer to him putting my hand upon his arm...only to have it violently ripped away. "What the fuck are you doing?" he spat at me and I could only stare down wide eyed. There was a blotch of red upon his long sleeve, and some of it soaked through on my fingers, I looked at them in horror and then looked at him.
"InuYasha? What is this?" my voice sounded confused...hurt for some reason, and astounded.
"Its nothing wench. Now get back to your side of the couch."
"But you...you ble-"
"I said its nothing!" he snapped at me, and instantly I scooted away, wishing I could help him somehow, amazed that he could do that to himself.
"Will you at least let me clean it?"
"What the fuck is with you? I tell you its nothing but you keep babbling fucking on. Jesus Christ." he said getting off the couch and walking into the bathroom. He shut the door and didn't come out for a half hour, and when he sat back down the rest of the night went in silence.
When I had gotten home my mother was sleeping, and instead of going to my room I went to my bathroom, and looked in the medicine cabinet for anything sharp. I had a little luck obviously when I found a tiny razor, like the one I used to use for seperating coke. Out of sheer curiousity I ran in across my arm...not in a long sweeping motion just made a tiny little cut to see if I could feel anything InuYasha could. All I felt though was a searing pain as the razor went deeper, and it wasn't long before I pulled the razor away and threw it in the garbage. The cut wasn't deep, or long, and I knew the scar wouldn't be permanent, the feeling would though. I didn't like it at all. No relief came from it, no pleasure, just a burning pain and blood. I didn't understand why he would want that...but then again I didn't understand the things I did at times.
Pouring some peroxide on the tiny wound I watched as it bubbled up and pondered some more. After placing a band aid on it I went to bed and was glad it was winter, for the long sleeved shirts we wore would cover up what I did.
"Kagome..." came his voice as we sat in the hall during lunch.
"Yeah?"
"Your not gonna tell are you?" and at that I looked over to him glaring.
"No...I won't tell. Who would listen to me anyways." my voice was hard at first but grew soft as the realisation hit me...people already knew he cut...at least Yuka did...why was he asking me this?
"No..not people...what I meant was, you aren't going to tell the princepal or anyone like that?"
"Oh... No...I won't. Telling only makes it worse doesn't it?" I said trying to fake a smile.
*
Watching you burn. Watching you burn. Watching you burn.
*
There were nights where I'd just sleep on his couch, watching movies with him, and talking about all the stupid people at school. He'd cook me instant ramen, and I'd try to get him to order pizza every once on a while...he never did sadly. After the slight argument with my mother we didn't really talk much, instead just nodding to each other in the morning and I rarely ever saw her after school. It was like I was dissapearing from our family now...from my brother...my home...my momma. In a way it was comforting, but in another it made me immensely sad. This is what the happy Higurashi's were now that their string broke...each bead was slowly slipping away and disspearing.
I hated myself for letting it happen, and I hated my mother for not trying harder. I wanted to blame her for everything in my life but I knew that I had fucked up immensely on my own. The wierd thing though was...I often wondered what InuYasha's family like? Did he have loving parents? Where are they now? Obviously him and his brother did not see eye to eye because on occasion, he would say he was glad to be out of his controlling prick of a brother hand's. Was his family at all like mine?
"Oi Kagome! I'm out of ramen what do you want on your pizza!?" came his voice from the cramped kitchen.
"Oh thank god!" I said smiling.
"What was that!?"
"Nothing...nothing..."
"Well what do you want on it wench! We don't have all fucking night!"
"Anything basic is fine."
And with that I heard him call the local pizza place and put in our order. Truly it was an excitng expirience. It was after the pizza and the crappy movies though that the night became really interesting.
"So...why do you cut?" I tried to make in nonchalant, tried to make it sound like it was okay. I just didn't want to upset him.
"A lot of reasons." he sighed.
"Like?"
"There was a girl I knew once, you remind me of her in a way." he paused for a moment and looked like he was lost in a memory before he continued. "We were going out for a little while back when I still had everyones approval. She had cheated on me though...and when the guy bragged about how good she was in bed, everyone called her a whore. I tried not to believe it, I was so wrapped up in her, she was really a great person to me at that time..." he paused again and my mind was just trying to take everything in. " Slowly she became really depressed, and even more so after she found out she was pregnant. It was at that time that I had turned her away from my comfort. I was angry...I had a right to be. But..I didn't know she'd do that...I didn't know she'd go that far..." his eyes were filled now with an unknow emotion...almost like a swirl of anger and sadness, and a tenderness she had never seen before.
"What did she do?" I questioned softly, trying not to break the spell he was under.
"She killed herself...she killed herself right in front of me. Blew out her fucking brains with her fathers gun." he said his voice breaking now and tears slowly making their way down his face. Timidly I crawled over to where he was sitting on the couch and held him to me, like he had held me the day I came back from rehab.
"We were sitting in the hallway by her locker afterschool one day trying to talk things over, and figure out what we'd do. She was so quiet and reserved, and it seemed like I was the only one talking. I didn't even notcie when she opened up her locker. But then I heard an odd click and I turned to her, and that was when she pulled the trigger. Blood was everywhere, all over me, all over the locker. And I could do nothing but sit there and scream." his tears ran faster now, though his voice had gone into a calm whisper.
"The police had questioned me for what seemed to be forever. Everyone thought I had killed her, they all said that the jealousy had gotten to me and that I simply placed the gun in her head when I was done. They didn't realise though...they drove her to it...their words did her in...they killed her...not me...not me..." he was sobbing now and I could do nothing but hold him and whisper comforting words.
What would it be like to watch someone kill themselves right in front of you? How could anyone sleep after that? Would they forever dream of the lifeless bloodshot eyes and the mangled body of the one they cared for? It was too horrible for me to imagine and I felt the warmth of salty water rush down my face, I gasped a little when I felt his arms encircle my waist. He had a death grip on my and wouldn't let go...he just kept whispering over and over, and when I leaned in closer to hear I heard her name.
Kikyo. She was the girl they had a picture memorial of on a glassed in case in the hallway. She was the one who was too weak to take the jeers and the stress. And instanly I held InuYasha closer. So that was when everything had gone wrong for him. That was what that one girl meant when she said that in the cafeteria...that was why InuYasha did the things he did...it was like everyone was to blame....
*
Pale blue eyes, so dumb. Pale blue eyes, so far away. Take him to the river. Forgive us all his pain.
*
We fell asleep holding each other that night, no it wasn't in a romantic way. We simply we offering each other comfort...giving the other someone to hold onto to stay placed on the ground. Surprisingly it wasn't akward when we woke up, he simply got up and cook breakfast like he did everytime I stayed over, and we chatted quietly about whatever was on our minds.
I really think that was the point when we hung out more, when I could really be more open with him than anyone else before...even more so than when Kouga and I had been on okay terms. InuYasha never talked too much, or interupted me, and sure we got into arguments, mostly due to me pushing into his past too much, but everything was starting to level itself out for me. We smoked weed together, and though I knew he did heavier drugs I promised myself when I got out of that damned hospital I'd stick strictly to alchohol and weed. It was enough anyways.
Still though...now I knew why he looked haunted and pained, and sometimes numb. And I couldn't help but hate everyone else more for it... They all needed to pop their bubbles and step into reality. But to my own confusion...I couldn't help but feel guilty too. He was like that though...he always made me feel a little more abnormal then I usually was...sometimes it was a good thing though.
*
Pale blue eyes - so young. Pale blue eyes - so far away. Take me to his sorrow, forgive us all his pain.
*
_________________________________________________ ___________________
Ok so how was that chapter? Let me know when you review please! And thank you to all who reviewed. I enjoyed reading them very much.
Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha and co. , nor do I own 'Best Sunday Dress' by: Hole.
I did cut out a lot of the song because I felt that if I continued on with the chapter it'd turn out crappy.
I didn't stay long at his small apartment...an hour maybe. Just an hour of resting in his lap, listening to the silence and our breathing. I think there was a point when he cried...but I really don't know. It wasn't immpossible for it to happen...I mean I had seen tears in his eyes before...and it did surprise me a little then...I mean InuYasha...the one guy in school known for his hate and malice crying. I think that what had me interested in him the most.
When I had walked home that day, I felt a little weight lift off of me, in a way I felt closer to contentment then I had before knowing I had someone with whom I could share my pain. And when I walked through the back door loving the rush of heat from the house I smiled a tiny true smile and told my mother I had a pretty good day. It always amazes even now how the smallest thing he did made me feel better. Little did I know though that the next day, and the next, and the next would be even harder for me, would be filled with more than whispers and glares.
*
Put on my best sunday dress. And I walk straight into this mess of mine. Yeah, put on my best sunday dress. And walk straight into this mess
*
Words. Words were everywhere on my locker... not kind welcoming words either. Unless you count: 'Drug dealers whore.' , or 'Attention wanting whore.' as being supporting. Did people honestly think I was the only person in our school to have done something like this? Were the people I associated myself with truely that shallow? I didn't know...and instead of pondering the question further I kicked my locker. Again. And again. And Again. Pretty soon there was a nice sized dent in it, and I sunk to my knees, resting my head on the cool marker tainted metal.I heard steps behind me but did not bother to look who it was.
"They're fucking idiots aren't they? Look one of them spelled whore wrong..." he said gruffly. And slowly I looked up at him, tears evident in my eyes.
"They can all suck giant blue balls." I said standing up ajusting my messenger bag on my shoulder. "How do you seem to know where I am all the time anyways?" I sighed out, after swallowing my tears.
"The sound of someone kicking a locker is pretty fucking loud wench."
"Well aren't you supposed to be in class anyways?"
"I had to use the little boys room..." he said looking around oddly.
"Little boys room?" I said raising an eyebrow. "You know...I'm not gonna go into that."
"Like you haven't said anything wierder than that before." he grouched out.
"Nope. Never." I said playfully before walking away.
"Annoying wench!" he called to me before I turned a corner.
My whole day I zoned out. Trying to ignore the poking in my back and the constant papers thrown at my head. People were so fucking imature. People sucked. And I tried my best to grin and push myself through it...but lunch was about the time I broke. I was sitting in the cafeteria...alone...and when I got up to empty my tray someone had tripped me. And it was while I was lieing on the ground trying to recover, that the laughing started.
"Hey! I can see up her skirt!" someone yelled, and even more laughter ensued. Instantly I sat up and blushed hanging my head low.
"Fuck probably anybody could see up her skirt if they had a a little baggy of coke! Isn't that right? You're nothing but a drugged up slut aren't you?" a boy said getting into my face. My eyes were wide and full of tears ready to over flow. My lips were trembling and as I looked into the boys eyes I saw the laughter there, I saw the malice and the nothingness. And it was when he started harshly laughing in my face that I snapped back into the real world.
"Nothing but a drugged up slut." he said as he leaned in whispering into my ear. That was when my tears ran down my face as my whole fucking pathetic life flashed before my eyes. All the laughter, all the jeers and harsh eyes stopped though, as the boy was ripped away from me. I looked up wide eyed as I saw InuYasha standing there, holding the surprised boy by the collar, glaring at him. Everyone gasped and instantly there was a silence and then a wave of whispers erupted.
*
And watching you burn. Watching you burn. Watching you burn. Watching you burn.
*
"Shes probably screwing him..."
"The freaks...they really do belong together..."
I heard them all. Each one running through my head, one inparticular caught my full attention though.
"Is he gonna kill her too?"
What did they mean by that? I didn't get to ponder it further though as InuYasha begun to speak.
"You little fucking prick. Think you're so smart and funny huh? You fucking faggot."
"Fuck you." spat the boy trying to get InuYasha to let go of him...it didn't work.
"You'd like to fuck me wouldn't you? I've seen the way you eye up the guys at gym...Wouldn't want that to get out now would you?" InuYasha said quietly...barely loud enough for me to hear.
"N...no." the boy said shaking his head, his eyes going wide. With that InuYasha dropped him and looked to me before walking away. I got off the ground a few minutes later and ran out of the cafeteria doors, only to have someone grab my wrist. I turned sharply to see who it was, relieved when it wasn't someone coming to harass me.
"InuYasha..." I said in a breathy voice placing my hand on my chest.
"You wanna leave?" he asked me seriously looking me in the eyes, and all I could do was nod.
We didn't even bother to go to my locker to retrieve my things as we walked out the side door of the school and instantly I regretted it. It was fucking freezing outside! I tried to hold myself for warmth wrapping my arms around myself tightly as I could, and blanched when I felt a jacket put around me. I looked to InuYasha and smiled a little, with a simple nod in return. We walked the rest of the way to his apartment in silence.
"I still say Spongebob is having an affair with Patrick." came his gruff voice.
"No way, that would be too obvious...Hes got the hots for Squidward why do you think they have so many clubs for him all the time?"
"Feh...hes probably the ring leader of their torture chamber wench. They're probably into that s&m shit." We had been talking about senseless shit for about an hour now, basically trying to forget what happened earlier. The conversations we had so far were pretty interesting and I never knew someone like InuYasha could be fun and entertaining.
"Whatever, as far as I'm concerned this conversation has gone a little too far for its own good." I said with a little laugh.
"Feh...whatever...you're the one who brought your own demented thoughts up. I never talk about this kind of stuff."
"Oh you know you threw some of you sick fantasies in there too." I said throwing a small pillow at him. "Besides...I don't usually watch cartoons."
"Yeah whatever." and then it was quiet, both of us just sitting on the couch, not really knowing what to say... I looked around a little and sighed tiredly. It wasn't that he was boring me...it was that I'd have nothing to do when I got home.
"InuYasha?..."
"Yeah?" he drawled out slowly.
"Tell me more about yourself."
"Like what?"
"Like..." and then I remembered what I heard earlier... 'Is he gonna kill her too?' what did they mean? "Why are you the freak of our school?"
"Because...." he stiffened... "thats why..."
"That...was lame."
"Its none of your business wench! Do you see me asking you why you fucking drugged yourself up? Or why you went all freaky in the park that one night?!" his voice was rigid, and I was slightly hurt by his words. I felt stupid and really I wanted to leave but instead I stayed cemented to his couch.
"Sorry." I said quietly...
"I...I didn't mean to snap..." he said trying to explain himself.
"You know...maybe I should go..." I said getting up. He didn't try to stop me as I walked out his door and for that I felt grateful...I shouldn't have asked such a stupid blunt question.... I could tell the moment his eyes looked pained.
*
Pale blue eyes, so young. Pale blue eyes, so far away. Watch me work in sorrow, forgive me all his pain.
*
When I had gotten home my mother was at work and my brother sleeping in his room. I felt the quiet feeling of the house enter me, and went up to my room. There was nothing else for me to do...so I simply fell asleep. Only to be awoken an hour later by the loud shrilling of the phone.
"Hello?" came my groggy voice.
"Kagome? Is that you?"
"Yeah...who is this?"
"Its...Ayame." I stiffened when I heard this...what did she want?
"Give me a reason I shouldn't hang up on you right now." my voice was venom.
"I'm sorry..." and with that I hung up on her. She could be sorry all she wanted...that didn't mean that she could feel guilt free. Putting the phone down I simply rolled over and fell back asleep, wanting to just fade away.
The next day at school I arrived and looked around me feeling strange looking at all these people and for once not being apart of them. My eyes stopped on my old group and I caught Ayame looking my way, she looked sad for a moment but instantly smiled afterward and laughed with the rest of them, it made me sick. Was that how I looked? Was that what I wanted to be for the rest of my life? Fuck that. I walked silently to where I saw InuYasha and stood next to him, neither of us saying a word, until some prick decided to throw a rock at my head.
"FRRRREEEAAKKK!" the dick head called, and I felt my head for any bumps, beside me I heard InuYasha growl. I suppose he would have gone after him but soon the little groups of people were one big blob as the bell for school rang. I just wished that they would all move on...that they could find something more interesting than me...but alas that was not to be. Instead I found various papers all over my locker not bothering to read them before ripping them down. They could write all they wanted, everything would all say the same thing.
I walked to class slowly ignoring the people bumping me in the hall, just drifting away in my head and growing tired and bored with life. How could everyone just be so fcking happy? How could they always feel okay? I wanted an answer...I needed to know, but nothing came. No god made it better, and no mystery person on a white horse came to whisk me away. And for some reason I felt betrayed.
The day continued on as normal as it could get. It seemed that people were getting bored of me and now just simply refused to talk to me. I didn't go to lunch that day though instead I opted to just wander around the halls, and do nothing but think. I had barely seen InuYasha today, and I wondered if maybe he were avoiding me...It didn't bother me that thought...I guess it was because I was avoiding him too.
And slowly as the days passed, we started talking again, and I was adjusting to being ignored. I felt really strange befriending InuYasha, and I'm sure he felt the same...but I needed someone no matter how much I hated to admit it. And he was really to the only person to see my need. That too...was strange.
"Kagome...could you come straight home after school? Souta needs some help on his project and I've got work." came my mother's voice right before I walked out the door for school. I looked to her, and smiled a little trying to relieve the tension and stress in her tired eyes.
"Sure Momma." and with that I walked out the door.
It had been maybe two weeks since I came back to school...and for me things were getting slowly easier to deal with. InuYasha and I had grown closer but not by much. We found we were into a lot of the same music, and held some same interests. I found out that he lived alone, having moved out of his brother's house earlier that year. I never found why people didn't like him though....rumors were that he used to be a really great athlete. But I'd be patient until he was ready to tell I guess.
The day had passed for me and I was gathering my things from my locker, slowly zoning out and thinking about the time I'd spend with my brother....I hadn't talked to him in a while....
"You coming over girl?"
"I have a name....and no. I'm not going to today. I'm helping my brother with something."
"You have a brother?" he asked me kind of bug eyed. I looked at him strangely and nodded.
"Yeah....hes ten."
"Oh....later then I guess."
"Buh bye."
Walking home nothing happened, I just thought about things and how odd of a turn my life had taken....and in the back of my mind...I thought about InuYasha.
"Okay, whats the topic on?"
"Drugs." my little brother said plainly...in fact...it was more of a dull sound...and instantly my heart bittered torwards my mother. "Momma said you'd know more than she would." At that my heart froze over and broke...even if she didn't mean ill intent, how could she say such a thing?
"O...Okay. What do you have to do?" my voice was a little out of pitch but I brushed it off.
"We have to list all the drugs we know, and then research them. It sounds pretty easy huh?" he said smiling a little at me...and I could do nothing but be fake one more time and smile back.
*
And I've come here to confess to the wind and the rain and the glorious fame. And I've come here all undressed.
For the numb and the dumb all say the name that you burn.
*
"Thanks for the warning mother." I said bitingly as my mother walked in through the back door.
"What?" she said looking slightly surprised.
"Souta's little project about 'drugs'. Said I would know more huh? Why don't you just fucking tell him!" I didn't know why I was being so wierd about all of this usually I would just brush it off but now....
"Well you do don't you! I mean you've done them for god only knows how long." her tone was angry now though still deflated of life.
"Oh go fuck yourself." I said before I grabbed my coat and walked out the front door. I walked for maybe 15 minutes before I got to InuYasha's house and I was about freezing my nipples off. Sprinting up the stairs I finally made it to his door, and after one minute of pounding he decided to open up.
"Took you long enough." I said breezing past him, not even bothering to take a look at him.
"What are you doing here?"
"Standing, breathing. You know the works." I commented before plopping on the couch and flipping throught the TV, he sat next to me a few seconds later, and it was when I looked to smile at him that I knew something was wrong.
"Inu...Yasha?"
"What woman?" he said staring blankly at the TV screen. I made a move to get closer to him putting my hand upon his arm...only to have it violently ripped away. "What the fuck are you doing?" he spat at me and I could only stare down wide eyed. There was a blotch of red upon his long sleeve, and some of it soaked through on my fingers, I looked at them in horror and then looked at him.
"InuYasha? What is this?" my voice sounded confused...hurt for some reason, and astounded.
"Its nothing wench. Now get back to your side of the couch."
"But you...you ble-"
"I said its nothing!" he snapped at me, and instantly I scooted away, wishing I could help him somehow, amazed that he could do that to himself.
"Will you at least let me clean it?"
"What the fuck is with you? I tell you its nothing but you keep babbling fucking on. Jesus Christ." he said getting off the couch and walking into the bathroom. He shut the door and didn't come out for a half hour, and when he sat back down the rest of the night went in silence.
When I had gotten home my mother was sleeping, and instead of going to my room I went to my bathroom, and looked in the medicine cabinet for anything sharp. I had a little luck obviously when I found a tiny razor, like the one I used to use for seperating coke. Out of sheer curiousity I ran in across my arm...not in a long sweeping motion just made a tiny little cut to see if I could feel anything InuYasha could. All I felt though was a searing pain as the razor went deeper, and it wasn't long before I pulled the razor away and threw it in the garbage. The cut wasn't deep, or long, and I knew the scar wouldn't be permanent, the feeling would though. I didn't like it at all. No relief came from it, no pleasure, just a burning pain and blood. I didn't understand why he would want that...but then again I didn't understand the things I did at times.
Pouring some peroxide on the tiny wound I watched as it bubbled up and pondered some more. After placing a band aid on it I went to bed and was glad it was winter, for the long sleeved shirts we wore would cover up what I did.
"Kagome..." came his voice as we sat in the hall during lunch.
"Yeah?"
"Your not gonna tell are you?" and at that I looked over to him glaring.
"No...I won't tell. Who would listen to me anyways." my voice was hard at first but grew soft as the realisation hit me...people already knew he cut...at least Yuka did...why was he asking me this?
"No..not people...what I meant was, you aren't going to tell the princepal or anyone like that?"
"Oh... No...I won't. Telling only makes it worse doesn't it?" I said trying to fake a smile.
*
Watching you burn. Watching you burn. Watching you burn.
*
There were nights where I'd just sleep on his couch, watching movies with him, and talking about all the stupid people at school. He'd cook me instant ramen, and I'd try to get him to order pizza every once on a while...he never did sadly. After the slight argument with my mother we didn't really talk much, instead just nodding to each other in the morning and I rarely ever saw her after school. It was like I was dissapearing from our family now...from my brother...my home...my momma. In a way it was comforting, but in another it made me immensely sad. This is what the happy Higurashi's were now that their string broke...each bead was slowly slipping away and disspearing.
I hated myself for letting it happen, and I hated my mother for not trying harder. I wanted to blame her for everything in my life but I knew that I had fucked up immensely on my own. The wierd thing though was...I often wondered what InuYasha's family like? Did he have loving parents? Where are they now? Obviously him and his brother did not see eye to eye because on occasion, he would say he was glad to be out of his controlling prick of a brother hand's. Was his family at all like mine?
"Oi Kagome! I'm out of ramen what do you want on your pizza!?" came his voice from the cramped kitchen.
"Oh thank god!" I said smiling.
"What was that!?"
"Nothing...nothing..."
"Well what do you want on it wench! We don't have all fucking night!"
"Anything basic is fine."
And with that I heard him call the local pizza place and put in our order. Truly it was an excitng expirience. It was after the pizza and the crappy movies though that the night became really interesting.
"So...why do you cut?" I tried to make in nonchalant, tried to make it sound like it was okay. I just didn't want to upset him.
"A lot of reasons." he sighed.
"Like?"
"There was a girl I knew once, you remind me of her in a way." he paused for a moment and looked like he was lost in a memory before he continued. "We were going out for a little while back when I still had everyones approval. She had cheated on me though...and when the guy bragged about how good she was in bed, everyone called her a whore. I tried not to believe it, I was so wrapped up in her, she was really a great person to me at that time..." he paused again and my mind was just trying to take everything in. " Slowly she became really depressed, and even more so after she found out she was pregnant. It was at that time that I had turned her away from my comfort. I was angry...I had a right to be. But..I didn't know she'd do that...I didn't know she'd go that far..." his eyes were filled now with an unknow emotion...almost like a swirl of anger and sadness, and a tenderness she had never seen before.
"What did she do?" I questioned softly, trying not to break the spell he was under.
"She killed herself...she killed herself right in front of me. Blew out her fucking brains with her fathers gun." he said his voice breaking now and tears slowly making their way down his face. Timidly I crawled over to where he was sitting on the couch and held him to me, like he had held me the day I came back from rehab.
"We were sitting in the hallway by her locker afterschool one day trying to talk things over, and figure out what we'd do. She was so quiet and reserved, and it seemed like I was the only one talking. I didn't even notcie when she opened up her locker. But then I heard an odd click and I turned to her, and that was when she pulled the trigger. Blood was everywhere, all over me, all over the locker. And I could do nothing but sit there and scream." his tears ran faster now, though his voice had gone into a calm whisper.
"The police had questioned me for what seemed to be forever. Everyone thought I had killed her, they all said that the jealousy had gotten to me and that I simply placed the gun in her head when I was done. They didn't realise though...they drove her to it...their words did her in...they killed her...not me...not me..." he was sobbing now and I could do nothing but hold him and whisper comforting words.
What would it be like to watch someone kill themselves right in front of you? How could anyone sleep after that? Would they forever dream of the lifeless bloodshot eyes and the mangled body of the one they cared for? It was too horrible for me to imagine and I felt the warmth of salty water rush down my face, I gasped a little when I felt his arms encircle my waist. He had a death grip on my and wouldn't let go...he just kept whispering over and over, and when I leaned in closer to hear I heard her name.
Kikyo. She was the girl they had a picture memorial of on a glassed in case in the hallway. She was the one who was too weak to take the jeers and the stress. And instanly I held InuYasha closer. So that was when everything had gone wrong for him. That was what that one girl meant when she said that in the cafeteria...that was why InuYasha did the things he did...it was like everyone was to blame....
*
Pale blue eyes, so dumb. Pale blue eyes, so far away. Take him to the river. Forgive us all his pain.
*
We fell asleep holding each other that night, no it wasn't in a romantic way. We simply we offering each other comfort...giving the other someone to hold onto to stay placed on the ground. Surprisingly it wasn't akward when we woke up, he simply got up and cook breakfast like he did everytime I stayed over, and we chatted quietly about whatever was on our minds.
I really think that was the point when we hung out more, when I could really be more open with him than anyone else before...even more so than when Kouga and I had been on okay terms. InuYasha never talked too much, or interupted me, and sure we got into arguments, mostly due to me pushing into his past too much, but everything was starting to level itself out for me. We smoked weed together, and though I knew he did heavier drugs I promised myself when I got out of that damned hospital I'd stick strictly to alchohol and weed. It was enough anyways.
Still though...now I knew why he looked haunted and pained, and sometimes numb. And I couldn't help but hate everyone else more for it... They all needed to pop their bubbles and step into reality. But to my own confusion...I couldn't help but feel guilty too. He was like that though...he always made me feel a little more abnormal then I usually was...sometimes it was a good thing though.
*
Pale blue eyes - so young. Pale blue eyes - so far away. Take me to his sorrow, forgive us all his pain.
*
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Ok so how was that chapter? Let me know when you review please! And thank you to all who reviewed. I enjoyed reading them very much.
Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha and co. , nor do I own 'Best Sunday Dress' by: Hole.
I did cut out a lot of the song because I felt that if I continued on with the chapter it'd turn out crappy.