InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Failure ❯ And I Feel Myself Giving In (The Truth) ( Chapter 5 )

A/n: In the words of Mr. Slave: “Jeeezus Christh!” All those reviews were utterly flattering!! I let a review, in concern to my chapters showing up. Maybe they're just being bitchy for me…? I don't know. Anyway, who wants some spoilers for one-shots I've been thinking of? *blushes terribly* Oh, I'm still so flustered over the comments! Thank you so much! Anyway, spoilers… One I was thinking of, and one I will definitely do, is one of Kagura/Kanna/Naraku. Not like a three way (no, that's gross). It's gonna be angsty. (Surprise, surprise. Who would have guessed?)Another one concerning Inu/Kags/Kikyo. And yes, another Angst. I wanna write that one tonight after I post this chapter…Anyway, lucky for you guys I LOOOVE to write, so keeping up with chapters shouldn't be too hard. It gives me something to do besides work all the time. I find it so relaxing.

 

Now on to the chapter! (Responses will be at the end.)

 

Chapter V: And I Feel Myself Giving In (The Truth)

 

Inuyasha was hidden behind the tree line, atop a branch.

 

…And he watched in fear as Kagome fell to the earthen floor…

 

… His heart clenched in worry, his pupils dilating a bit…

 

…It was all like slow motion for him…

 

..He felt the muscles in his legs tighten, tensing up a bit and getting ready to launch himself through the air…

 

…Kagome's midnight silken hair danced around her face softly, radiant and shining underneath the afternoon daylight, framing her features perfectly… she sank to her knees, and her thick lashes closed slowly as if to hide those sapphire eyes of hers, fluttering against her plump cheeks… Her face was pale and portrayed her as if she were a porcelain Hime, and her pinked tiers parted slightly to let out an exhalation of breath…

 

Her body swayed slightly before finally giving way, as time sped up for Inuyasha abruptly when she crashed into the ground, dirt smudging her beautiful face. He felt his body make distance between her flesh and his own.

 

Nothing else mattered in his mind at that precise moment except that she was all right.

 

“Kagome…” He felt himself breathe quietly out as if it were a living part of him.

 

That very name.

 

That very soul.

 

He felt himself skid to a stop at the outskirts of the village, still hidden inside the forest that was named after him. Miroku and Sango had rushed to her side, to Kagome's side, and were there before he could reach the one thing most very precious to him…

 

His ears lay against his head, as he attempted to hide himself further, though he knew that they were too concerned about Kagome to notice his being.

 

Guilt washed over Inuyasha, as he felt that her collapsing was his fault, as if he had somehow beaten her down to the point she had finally just gave in.

 

That's not to far from the truth… He sneered at himself, grimacing cynically. It actually wasn't, according to Kagome's words.

 

He had hurt her.

 

And he had figured out what to do…

 

He just hadn't found the courage to…

 

To…

 

Tell the truth, yet…

 

I love you…

 

The truth rang deeply within his mind and he shuddered in anxiety. His heart lurched in want, though the idea of rejection was settled deep in his reservations. He had hurt her… again…

 

Damn that cycle…

 

…And…

 

…I'm not sure she'll forgive me this time…

 

His ears drooped a bit further in remorse, his eyes darkening somewhat at the idea… His sweet, fragile Kagome… not forgive him? That had seemed plausible before, but not as a very likely outcome…

 

Inuyasha turned around and fled, unsure if he could handle the things he was feeling at the moment…

 

 

(Back at the hut…)

 

Kagome opened her eyes to a darkening sky, as she felt a wetness dripping down her cheeks. At first, she thought the roof might have been leaking… But upon feeling the intrusion, she realized they were coming from the corners of her eyes…

 

My tears…

 

She thrashed her head violently to one side, trying to deny her sadness. This caused her head to hurt viciously, but she did not care. She was trying to deny anything was wrong at all, to turn away from it.

 

…Even when it consumed her very soul… and ate away at her broken heart, leaving holes in places that shouldn't be…

 

She sniffed deeply, trying not to alert anyone of her awakened state.

 

Inuyasha… why can't you fill that void…?

 

That emptiness that was so new, yet so familiar. Just like when her otou-san died.

 

…Like she was loosing something sacred, something that couldn't ever be replaced…

 

…Something that left her scared and uncertain…

 

…Something that left-nothingness- inside that could not be eased…

 

She felt the tears flowing again, and she did nothing to stop them. There was nothing she could do. She had convinced herself Inuyasha just did not want her.

 

It wasn't just because of Kikyo, or anything else…

 

But it's just… just not meant to be…

 

The words hurt, but it just seemed to be… well…

 

The truth… she turned back over.

 

She frowned, her face appearing calloused to those who may have looked on. She pulled the covers up over her head, coughing violently as insecure whimpers came between each cough that shook her tiny frame like an earthquake.

 

She knew when she had finally decided when Inuyasha didn't care… She remembered it all too well…

 

And argument they had, one Inuyasha barely thought anything of (she thought), but it meant a whole lot more to her…

 

(A couple of weeks ago…)

 

They were searching for shards at a rather easy-going pace since it was a pretty nice day… This was something Inuyasha complained about the entire time, but Kagome had wheedled her way through his whining to convince him they needed a day off, despite the urgent need to find as many as possible. Her uncertainty in seeing the Shikon no Kakera lately was also another reason why she wanted to go slow, but she didn't bother telling that to the hanyou. He huffed a discontented `Feh' which in the long run meant she got her way… And despite her elation about `winning' the dispute, her happy-go-lucky attitude changed when Sango pointed out that familiar whirlwind in the distance.

 

Kouga…

 

She sighed in irritation, her eyebrow twitching slightly. Though she was genial to the ookami, and did find him… somewhat… endearing, she knew he would only worsen Inuyasha's already bad humor.

 

“Hey Kagome, what's up?” The ookami took her small, soft hands into his and held them up in a friendly gesture.

 

“Not much Kouga-kun...” She had answered softly, as if in an attempt not to draw Inuyasha's attention to him, which was pretty much impossible at this point in time. Inuyasha caught anything and everything she came in contact with, much to her displeasure.

 

By now, she could already see his temper brewing, the corners of his lips tweaking the slightest bit as if he had a foul taste in his mouth.

 

“Fucking wolf, get your hands off her!”

 

Kouga all but tugged Kagome into his chest, causing her to light aflame at his nearness. This was extremely embarrassing…

 

Sango looked at Miroku in the background, looking testy as she spoke aloud, not really bothering to hide her feelings, “Here we go again…”

 

But no one bothered to acknowledge her aggravation besides Miroku and Kagome, who looked at her rather sympathetically… But, Kagome's look was rather bordering on pitiful…

 

“And who said you had any say about what I do with MY woman, Inu-kuso?” Inuyasha drew out Tetsusaiga and growled loudly.

 

“I'm warning you, you're really starting to piss me off!”

 

Kagome started to panic, not wanting another fight to break out because of her.

 

So she did the only thing she knew how to do to stop Inuyasha's rage.

 

“OSUWARI!”

 

Inuyasha let out a strange yelp as he once more became well acquainted to the ground.

 

Something was mumbled from him that sounded very much like, “Damnit wench!”

 

Kouga just laughed at the hanyou's predicament, causing Inuyasha to seethe with humiliation. Kagome cringed, knowing she was going to get a mouthful from him once he got up.

 

“Well, Kagome, I'll see you around again sometime. I'm sorry to cut this short, but I got some things to take care of, okay?”

 

He squeezed her hands affectionately, and waved at the others who lamely waved back.

 

“And Inu-kuso, you better watch over my woman or I'll kill you, got that?!”

 

And a tornado later, he was gone.

 

“K-Kagome!!” Inuyasha raged, stuttering he was so infuriated. Kagome cringed back a bit further, staring at his furious form which was currently gathering itself from the ground.

 

“What were you thinking, Kagome?! Are you stupid?!” His once again sharp words stung her, and her shame instantly washed away. Instead, the need to retaliate was the replacement.

 

“I was keeping you from getting hurt, Inuyasha! That's what I was thinking!” She lashed back, still feeling the sting of his words. He always called her stupid. And she hated it. And sometimes she thought she was used to it and sometimes she didn't… But today, she definitely felt it.

 

“I don't need you to `protect' me, wench! I can take care of myself!” He roared at her.

 

Kagome stomped her foot and glared at him, “I didn't say you couldn't, Inuyasha! Maybe for once I didn't want to see you swinging the Tetsusaiga around like you didn't have a brain to think with!”

 

He shut up for a half a second, and it registered her words had stung him too. But she didn't care right then. She was too mad to care.

 

“You know what? Maybe I shouldn't give a shit anymore! Maybe you should just go fucking run off to that shit-faced, lowlife ookami you so apparently adore!I'm tired of this roundabout, so you can just fuck off for once, stupid bitch!” A hurt look crossed his face as he said those words, a look that she had failed to catch. And before she knew it or could response he had ran off in a blur of silver and red, leaving her open-mouthed and shocked speechless.

 

 

 

(In the hut…)

 

She bit her lip, feeling the sobs rising in her chest again. Her hurt with every breath that she took.

 

I'm such a stupid bitch…

 

It wasn't just the argument that had set her off, though… It was the fact he pointed out something that they both felt.

 

“I'm tired of this roundabout…”

 

She stood up and wheezed, knowing she could not contain the cries any longer and left her sleeping friends in the hut as she ran blindly outside.

 

Every inch of her hurt, and burned. She shook, and it was unstoppable.

 

But despite the fact it hurt to cry and breathe, and despite the pain, she kept running until she was beside the Goshinboku, the tree that held so much meaning to her… and broke down in self-pity and affliction.

 

Unbeknownst to her, Inuyasha was watching her.

 

And he couldn't hide any longer…

 

He didn't even bother calling out her name, or stand there quaking with hesitation… they were beyond that now and there was no going back. If he questioned, everything would fall apart.

 

And he knew it was time he finally accepted responsibility.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A/n: AHHHHHH! I'm so excited! I'm so very, very, very pleased with this chapter! I am, I am, I am! What thinks you? Me thinks yippee. I'm sorry I feel so much glee, but I can't help it! O, the glory of the angst-ridden! Thank you all, I hope you guys really enjoyed this chapter. Evil cliff, I know, but I got to have you squirming in anticipation sometimes! Oh, please read and review and tell me what you think! I'm all giddy ^_^!I know this is the longest chapter by far, and next chapter I shall most likely have some fluff in it so you guys can have a breather!

 

 

**Review responses:**

 

Madoise: Thanks. I was really worried I wasn't getting the angst across right, but I guess I am. Thank you for your encouragement! :D

 

Stalicon: And I'm looking forward to your continued reading

 

Shinobi-chan: I just… I know she's happy and peppy and all, and she'll get that way at some point-get back to her normal self, so to speak… But (and I don't wanna give away too much of what disorganized thoughts are planning!) it has been years for Kagome, she's nineteen… Wouldn't you be ready to start settling down and planning for the future? And after years of the same insecurities haunting you, I'd think they'd just start eating at you from the inside.

 

Megan: I'm definitely planning on it

 

Luvspanky: Well, I was trying to get you to cry, silly! ^_^ Angst needs a little tears.

 

Vamp_Kittenz: Well, I didn't really think about inserting Kagome's POV… But Inuyasha hasn't been gone that long, which I'll clarify in this chapter. But you'd think she'd be used to it by now, right?

 

MistressJae: I will, thank you for reviewing