InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Forgiving Loss ❯ Chapter 8 Distant ( Chapter 8 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: blueangel326 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Mystery / Drama | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 11.09.2005 | Pages: 3 | Words: 5.3K | Visits: 196 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Mystery / Drama | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 11.09.2005 | Pages: 3 | Words: 5.3K | Visits: 196 | Status: Completed
08 Distant
“Zenya?”
Inuyasha looked up from the floor, in which he was surely making a hole from pacing. He saw an assistant holding a clipboard, looking for the couple that he had just called. “What is it this time?” Inuyasha asked a little unnerved.
“The doctor is ready to see you,” he replied.
“Finally!” Inuyasha looked down at the young woman sitting in a chair near him. Kagome didn’t budge as if she hadn’t heard the nurse. “Kagome, the doctor wants to see us.” She still didn’t move, as if she was staring off into space. “Kagome,” Inuyasha said as he gently placed a hand on her shoulder. She jumped at the slight touch, returning from her reverie. She looked up at Inuyasha, her eyes blank. Slightly perturbed by her expression, Inuyasha repeated, “The doctor wants to see us.”
Kagome gave a very slight, almost unnoticeable, even to Inuyasha, jerk as she rose from her spot. Inuyasha started off, and Kagome followed near beside him.
She walked as if she didn’t know where she was going, Inuyasha noticed. Her expression was solemn, annulled. It was as if she believed that nothing existed. It disturbed him very.
Kagome hadn’t spoken a word since the ambulance arrived to pick up her grandfather. Together, they rode in the car and followed the ambulance to the hospital. She was quiet, detached. Even though he was so close, she looked as if she was unreachable, so secluded from the world around her. The concept of her being like this…it was terrifying. It was hard enough when she wasn’t happy, or just content, as she had always been, before…
Inuyasha shook his head. This was not the time for him to drift off into his thoughts. He knew the reason behind Kagome’s behavior. She believed it was her that caused her grandfather’s sickness. No one could really blame her. The old man had an abrupt seizure, but not one of them knew why. There wasn’t enough understanding to know the cause without the doctor telling them. Inuyasha was sure that it wasn’t because of her and knew that Kagome would stop beating herself up after she found out the truth. He could sense the storm inside her. It was slowly tearing her apart as she couldn’t understand what was happening to her life, at least of what she knew or remembered.
The three turned the final corner to the wing where Kagome’s grandfather’s room was. The nurse stopped before the door and opened it. Inside was grandfather Higurashi and the family doctor.
“Doctor?” the nurse called.
Dr. Tanomoshii looked up. “Yes?”
“You wanted to see the family.”
“Oh, yes, Mr. and Mrs. Zenya, a moment please.” The doctor went back to his clipboard, checking off a few more things. Finally, he joined the couple outside in the hallway. He quietly shut the door and placed the clipboard in the bin on the door.
The doctor first looked at Inuyasha and then at Kagome, immediately recognizing her. “Ms. Higura- pardon me, Mrs. Zenya, it has been a while. My have you grown. I didn’t know that you had married. I heard that you’ve been diagnosed with amnesia not too long ago. I hope everything’s alright.” The doctor gave a small smile.
“Huh?” Kagome looked up from her gaze at the doctor. She was still dazed and slow to her surroundings.
Inuyasha noticed this and reacted quickly. He stepped forward slightly, protectively. “Get on with it, doctor. How is he?” he said, nodding towards the door.
The doctor sighed, his attempts at starting a conversation failed. “Mr. Higurashi’s condition is stable, no fatal or lasting signs. He had a case of hypoglycemia.”
“Hypo-what?”
“Hypo glycemia. It’s a condition, mostly found in diabetics. It’s when the sugar level in a patient’s blood stream is too low. We call it hypo.” The doctor looked to see if the couple were following.
“So, you’re saying his sugar was low?” The doctor nodded. “What does this hypo mean?”
“It means Mr. Higurashi either took too much insulin or he did eat enough sugar within the past few days. Really, it could be both. By the way, was your grandfather acting, how do say, strange lately?” he looked for Kagome to answer.
She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. She nodded her head almost unnoticeably, but Inuyasha caught it.
“She thinks so. Why?”
“Another sign of hypo. During the condition, the patient has several symptoms that are very obvious to others and some that are subtle, even to the most perceptive. Some evident features include aggression, paleness, irritability, confusion, and trembling. Perhaps something such as an argument or a disagreement could have stimulated his heart rate, speeding it up.”
Inuyasha looked at Kagome as her chin fell to her chest. It must have hurt to hear that…
“Well,” the doctor continued, “Whatever had happened lead to a seizure, classified as a tonic-clonic seizure. This type of seizure is very common in elderly and sickly people. Seeing as how a seizure was abrupt, all I can assume is that your grandfather has been in hypo for at least several days.”
“So, will he be alright?”
“Of course. Like I mentioned before, his condition is very stable. There’s nothing to worry about since it was too serious. We’ll be monitoring him for the next two days to make sure that nothing else occurs, and he’ll be going home. If you have any more questions, just call the nurse and he’ll be with you if you need him. I must be going. Oh, and please try not to disturb him too much. He’ll probably seem a little confused, but it’s natural.”
The doctor walked off, and Inuyasha looked back at Kagome. “Kagome? Do you wanna go in?”
She nodded jerkily. He slowly opened the door and let Kagome in and followed after. Her grandfather was resting in the bed with an IV of sugary fluid hooked up to him. Kagome stood quietly, and Inuyasha did the same. He didn’t want to disturb her, but at the same time wanted to take her away from this place and somehow manage to comfort her. He couldn’t stand seeing Kagome like this but was powerless to do so otherwise.
Suddenly, he smelled the stinging sensation of salt and quickly looked at Kagome. Her head down, her shoulders trembling. She was crying silently. Inuyasha hesitated before reaching out for Kagome. Was he sure that he could do good for her this time? Even in just trying to comfort the one he truly loved? He wouldn’t know without trying. He turned her around and brought her close, hoping to somehow give her the strength that she desperately needed.
Inuyasha cringed inside. Kagome was the one that had more strength and courage than he had ever hoped to show for her. She was the strongest being that he knew, even more, stubborn. She wouldn’t dare show weakness without it affecting her emotionally, but this time was different. Not knowing herself, seemingly causing trouble for others, how could she muster up the strength when her own conflict was tearing at her? Sure, the doctor could explain everything down to the bone about what had scientifically and medically, but he couldn’t reassure that nothing was Kagome’s fault or erase the thoughts that Inuyasha knew were going through her mind. What could he do to help ease the pain? Kagome had to know for herself, but there was no way he could get into her mind and ease the pain. All he could do was just hold her, even until the end of time, before she could finally release those foreboding thoughts of hers.
“Kagome?” came a weak voice.
Kagome pulled her head from Inuyasha’s chest and looked tearfully at her grandfather.
“Kagome, dear, where am I?”
Letting her go, Inuyasha watched as she knelt by the bedside and took her grandfather’s hand, smiling hopelessly at him. It was an empty smile, but it was meant to reassure.
Mr. Higurashi’s eyes widened slightly, acknowledging what her look meant. He closed his eyes, a dry tear falling from his closed lids. “I…I’m sorry, Kagome. I’m so sorry.”
Kagome squeezed his hand as more tears fell from her eyes.
Inuyasha gazed upon them, and, somehow, he felt like he didn’t belong, like he was a burden. ‘I’m sorry…Kagome…’
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‘I guess…maybe Houjou just chose the wrong girl. I hope that the next one will be just perfect for him. I just wish I could find mine…’
‘Find the right one…’ Kagome thought. ‘Why does that thought keep reoccurring in my head?’ She looked down at her diary. It hadn’t been opened in over a week.
Her grandfather had come home four days ago, the doctor releasing him as soon as he found him recovered. He hadn’t remembered what had happened before or after the seizure. In fact, he didn’t remember anything from that morning. Doctor Tanomoshii told Mrs. Higurashi, “Mr. Kenja needs to be monitored for a while when he takes his insulin, just to make sure that he takes the right dosage. Also, he will need to take a pill prescribed for seizures. It lessens the chance of another episode like this to happen.”
Kagome took on the responsibility of monitoring her grandfather, feeling that the whole thing was still her fault. At the moment, however, grandpa Higurashi was asleep, and Mrs. Higurashi was watching over him, allowing for Kagome to have some time to herself.
‘Maybe, maybe I keep thinking of what I wrote down because of what had happened. Inuyasha…was different from usual. Maybe it’s just me, but that day, when he held me, I felt a sadness, a hopelessness that he hid within his soul. It called out to me, as if it was trying to pull my sadness away and allow him to carry it. But…why?’
She hadn’t seen much of Inuyasha since they came back to the shrine with her grandfather. Of course, Inuyasha was still on the shrine grounds, just not within plain sight. Kagome wanted to talk with him, but every time that she did see him, she couldn’t muster the strength to open her mouth. The look he had in his eyes, she could tell that his sadness had deepened with every look she gave him, as if he was ashamed of something. It bothered her to no end.
Kagome brought her legs to her chest and rested her chin on her knees. She stared intently on the blue and pink book before her. This one, tiny book held all the answers that she wanted, needed so desperately. But, somewhere in her mind, something was holding her back. If she would just open and read this small book, then all her questions would cease to exist. So why didn’t she reach out for the book.
A voice made itself known in her head, a voice very similar to her own.
‘Don’t open that book. Do you know what is in that book?’
“Yes, my memories that I wanted to remember. Memories chosen from my past that I wanted to cherish forever.”
‘No, the memories written in there are not the things you seek for yourself. The memories in there are those that you wrote down, just so that you would never have to remember them again.’
“If I didn’t want to remember them, then why did I write them down? It wouldn’t make sense.”
‘Your memories, so full of pain, so full of sorrow… Do you truly wish to seek out those things that hurt you the most? Do you want to know why you feel such a longing to escape the pain that plagues you? The pain of those memories that haunt you even though you know not of them?’
“I seek you know the truth of my past, to know why I am the way I am, how my life came to be full of these people, especially my husband. I love him, and yet, I am not sure if I love him. Why did I fall in love with him? Why is it that I know that deep down, my world revolves around him and he doesn’t seem the least bit interested? So many questions that I know are in this book… I must…” Kagome reached for the book.
‘Stop! Don’t touch that book! The truth that you seek, it is not something that is desirable. It does not contain the happiness that your heart desires, the information that you wish to use to fill that void inside you. You wrote in this book to forget, to lock away the memories that you wish to never remember again. This diary is full of sadness that you erased from your mind on purpose. Don’t release those memories that will bring you nothing but sorrow!
‘That husband of yours… He is the source of your pain. Do you know why?’
“My…My pain?”
‘Yes. He’s the one that breaks your heart and causes you pain. That Inuyasha…that half-breed…he despises you. He only uses you and cares nothing for you. If you open that book, you’ll know why you’re hurting so much. This book written out of misery, out of the hope of never hurting…is this truly the truth you seek? Wouldn’t it be better to not know and be happy than to understand the truth and be full of misery?’
“Maybe…but, if I don’t know the truth, then how can I go on in life without knowing whose life I’m leading? My own, or the one that other people make me out to be? Besides, this is my life that I’ve be ruining, not yours. So leave me alone, whoever you are!”
‘Very well. I warned you, but you heed me not. I’ll leave…for now…’
Kagome sensed that the presence had left, and she was once again alone. Perplexed, she picked up the book and unlocked it. She read for a while before coming to one specific entry that caught her interest.
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April 14, 1999
Today, we received a new student. It’s not unusual that we get new students, especially during the beginning of the first trimester of the school year. But this guy, he was different. I don’t mean that he was weird or anything like that. It’s just… I got this weird feeling whenever I look at him. He’s much different from the others. I know he’s not human, like Sango and Miroku, but he’s not youkai, like Shippou. It’s kinda like the aura that surrounds Kirara and Rin. Their youki is inconsistent, as was this guy’s. To me, it seemed to fluctuate differently from the others. I can’t tell fully, but I can’t help get a strange feeling from him. It’s…inexplicable…especially with my still underdeveloped powers. All I can say is that I think I need to watch this guy. I don’t want to be judgmental about someone that I know nothing about…especially if I haven’t taken the time to get to know him. But then, right after school he suddenly disappeared before I had a chance to ask him anything. Maybe…maybe it is better that I keep a close eye on him until I can understand what’s going on. Oh, his name…was Zenya Inuyasha…
April 20, 1999
I finally talked to Zenya-san, and he seemed okay. But I think he was trying to avoid talking to me. I guess I can’t blame him. All week, several students kept trying to talk him and get to know him. And then there were some bakas in that class that were picking on him because of his silver hair. I have to admit that he’s the first person I’ve ever seen with silvery white hair and it’s kinda amazing to know of someone with a weird hair color. But then again…Rin has naturally blue hair, and Kirara is a blonde, so I can’t say too much. I still think that he’s strange… but not in a bad way, I think. I didn’t manage much of a conversation with him. I tried several times to start up a conversation with him in the hall way and during lunch, but he apparently didn’t feel like talking. I got kinda the disposition around him; as for his personality, I wish anyone good luck with that. I can only guess he wanted to be alone, or maybe, somewhere inside me I felt it but…I think maybe he was lonely. I’ll try to look into it, but not too much. I don’t him to think that I’m snooping around him and into his business. I’m sure that he’s different from the others because of the way he grew up. But then, I can only assume…
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‘Inuyasha was…lonely? But, what this is saying totally contradicts the Inuyasha that I know! The one I know…he’s not lonely at all. He just chooses to seclude himself away from people. I don’t get it…’
A knock came at the door, disturbing Kagome from her reverie. “Yes?”
The door opened. “Kagome, dear are you okay?” It was Ms. Higurashi. “You’ve been up here all afternoon, so I wanted to check to see if everything is alright.”
“Yes, I’m fine. I’m just reading a little. How’s Grandpa?”
“He’s still asleep, but he’s still managing.” Ms. Higurashi gave Kagome a concerned look before sitting on the bed next to her. “Listen, Kagome dear. Don’t push yourself too hard. It’s not your fault that this happened or anything else for that matter. I’ll take care of your grandfather, so don’t stress yourself out, okay?”
“Yes, Mama.”
“Good. I don’t my baby to hurt anymore, but it’s up to you to make that decision. I trust your judgment, so don’t be pressure. I’ll be downstairs if you need anything.” She gave her a kiss on the forehead and headed to the door.
“Mama?”
“Yes, dear?”
Kagome looked down at her lap. “Thanks…a lot…”
Ms. Higurashi smiled. “I’m doing only what I can to help my baby girl.” She left.
Kagome pondered for a moment at her mother’s words.
‘Mom…believes in me…even though I don’t in myself. She believes in me even if I don’t know myself and I don’t remember her. I think it’s time for me to start believing in myself, for a change. Everyone else does, so why shouldn’t I?’
Kagome sighed. “If only it were as easy as saying it…” she said under her breath. She went back to reading and came across another entry that brought even more interest that she became overwhelmed.
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May 7, 1999
I…I can’t believe what I just heard today. Zenya-san…no, Inuyasha-san told me something I couldn’t believe would ever happen to someone. Today, in my Human Social Relations class, all the students had to pair up. Since it was only me, Rin, Sango, Miroku, Shippou, and Inuyasha-san, I paired up with Inuyasha-san while Sango went with Miroku and Rin with Shippou. We were supposed to find out about each other’s background and how we grew up. I had no problem telling Inu-san my story, but I had some work to do to get him to talk. Finally, he told me, and I almost didn’t want to hear the whole thing. His life, it was so sad.
The day of his birth, Inu-san’s father, the Inu no Taishou, was killed after the sealing of his ultimate enemy, Ryoukotsusei, he believes. He lived with his mother, Izayoi, in his father’s manor in Nagoya, until she was murdered, when he seven years old. After that, he wandered for several months, since no one knew of Izayoi’s death or of the Inu no Taishou’s son. Eventually, someone did find him, and he lived at an orphanage, hoping that someone would adopt him. It was only a year ago that Inu-san was found by his half-brother, Sesshoumaru, whom no one knew of until that moment. This Sesshoumaru turned out to be sired from Inu-san’s father’s first mate. But before that, Inu-san had been sent to school in Yokohama, where he met Sesshoumaru, of course. And so Inuyasha-san moved with his brother here to Tokyo. However, this isn’t the half of it.
When Izayoi was alive, both he and Inuyasha-san suffered much in the aftermath of Inu no Taishou’s death. They were both rejected by the two separate worlds that still coexists with each other. Izayoi, being a human that mated with a youkai, was shunned by her family and friends when they found out. She only survived for so long afterward because of her son and what her mate’s legacy had left behind. Inuyasha-san was scorned upon because he was the impure link between the worlds of human and youkai. He told me that even though he was both, he wasn’t really one or the other. He didn’t belong in either of the societies. Other than his mother, he wasn’t accepted by anyone that knew he was a hanyou. After Izayoi’s death, it became worse. Without his mother’s protection, he had to run to survive. Since no one knew him and he couldn’t find anyone that he recognized, he was chased by many of his father’s enemies. How he survived is difficult to explain. He thinks it was just pure luck that he merely lived but that was where his luck ran out. Even though someone found him and brought him to an orphanage, none of the other kids wanted to play or even be near him. They all thought he was a freak. Truly, I don’t know why, when he looks pretty normal to me, but Inu-san told me that I wouldn’t understand. From what he told me, he felt lonely, unwanted by the people that he was part of. None of the adopting families would take, only wanting babies or younger children. In time, he was the oldest out of everybody and was approaching the age limit. On his 16th birthday, he had to be let go, and he was back to wandering the streets. He did continue his schooling, but, without a home or any guardians or a job, he wasn’t sure he could last. Thank Kami-sama, however, that he did find his brother, or more like his brother found him. Inuyasha-san was in a battle with a youkai that he couldn’t handle with just his bare hands. Sesshoumaru, he told me, pushed him aside and destroyed the youkai with one blow.
Inuyasha didn’t tell me how he managed to move in with his brother, but something tells me that he doesn’t really like him, or vice versa. But what kept me thinking about all day was the fact that someone could be rejected by society, to be an outcast from the worlds that he coexists in. To not be able to be accepted or loved by anyone because everyone that you know hates you or is dead…I can’t imagine how someone could live on, to continue on like that. It would be too much for me to bear. I’ve lived a life where everyone loves me, where the greatest lost that I’ve had was my father’s death. Inuyasha-san, he tries to isolate himself from the others, even though he looks just like another student, because he’s afraid of being hurt. Isolation, loneliness, separation. Those are the only things he knows. Those are the only things he accepts to be the truth. If anyone enters his world, they could easily break it and he would never be able to live again. He puts up a tough exterior, but, really, he’s a, in reality, a lost little kid in a world that won’t accept him. All that he ever wanted, I’m sure, was for someone to love him, to treat him like he’s somebody…
Today, I have made decision. From now on, I will be Inuyasha-san’s friend. Whether or not I become his only friend, it doesn’t matter. I just don’t want someone to feel like he’s alone in this world and that he has to be or has to create his own in which he belongs. I will not allow Inu-san to be alone, not as long as I can help it. I might be his only friend, but he won’t be without at least one. Everyone deserves to feel like he belongs, so I will make sure that Inuyasha does to…
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Kagome’s tears dripped on the already tear-stained pages. She closed the book, dropping it on the book as she grabbed her legs into a protective brace.
‘Inuyasha…he lived such a sad life… all alone… with no one to care for him. How…How can anyone live like that? Why wasn’t anyone there for him? Why didn’t anyone care?! Left alone, lost in a world where acceptance didn’t come for a hanyou like him. Oh, Inuyasha…’
Kagome sat up and tried to wipe her eyes. “I have to find Inuyasha. I have to know…” Kagome ran out her room and flew down the stairs and out the door. She followed her heart, not her eyes, to Inuyasha in Goshinboku.
“Inuyasha!” she called. She received no answer. She called again, but nothing came. She slumped down on the ground, her back to the base of the tree. “Why won’t you answer me?” she whimpered as the tears continued to flow down her face. “Why won’t you tell me…?” She brought her knees to her chest, burying her face in her arms as the tears gradually came.
Steady hands picked her up. Quick feet launched her into the branches of the sacred tree. Powerful arms wrapped around her. Soft lips brushed away her tears as the silence calmed her. Intense eyes pierced her gaze. His words spoke great meaning to her in the evening.
“If I told you now, you would break. Wait…just a little longer…”
Yay! The dumb baka finally decided to finish typing this chapter!! Pocky and snicker doodles for everyone!!!
My procrastination has gotten worse as school has wrung me out and left me dry with sleep deprivation, hunger pangs, and crazy spazzes of insanity. My creative side for this story has left me barren as my head pounds on my like an elephant smashes a watermelon. I am in desperate need of an EXTREMELY long vacation, just to get myself back together. I’m sorry for the VERY late update. I started typing this chapter after the last time I posted, but having school work and papers to write really doesn’t give you the time of the day. But I’m back…for the moment. I hope to get started with Engaging Enemies again soon. I’m pretty sure all you fans and others are pretty POed at me, especially with EE, since I haven’t done anything for it since May 25, except ponder about future chapters. Procrastination is not good, especially when you’re on a schedule. Well, hopefully, I’ll get back on track, but there are absolutely no guarantees. If there were, then I would be owing a LOT back to the people. C ya!
BA326’s Final Thoughts:
For all of you that are still in school, especially high school, NEVER EVER EVER take 2 college classes in high school, unless you’re ready for the torture, blood, pain, and tons of effort it takes from you. Even those that think they’re absolutely brilliant, prepare yourself or you’ll be crushed. That is why my mind is having a major migraine or whatever and I am not at 200 percent efficiency. I am surviving with barely 75 percent, and that’s not normal! And BTW, why is it that when I looked up the Civil War on a Library Card Catalog I found one of the volumes of the Inuyasha manga there? Someone, please, just tell me!!! Jaa!
“Zenya?”
Inuyasha looked up from the floor, in which he was surely making a hole from pacing. He saw an assistant holding a clipboard, looking for the couple that he had just called. “What is it this time?” Inuyasha asked a little unnerved.
“The doctor is ready to see you,” he replied.
“Finally!” Inuyasha looked down at the young woman sitting in a chair near him. Kagome didn’t budge as if she hadn’t heard the nurse. “Kagome, the doctor wants to see us.” She still didn’t move, as if she was staring off into space. “Kagome,” Inuyasha said as he gently placed a hand on her shoulder. She jumped at the slight touch, returning from her reverie. She looked up at Inuyasha, her eyes blank. Slightly perturbed by her expression, Inuyasha repeated, “The doctor wants to see us.”
Kagome gave a very slight, almost unnoticeable, even to Inuyasha, jerk as she rose from her spot. Inuyasha started off, and Kagome followed near beside him.
She walked as if she didn’t know where she was going, Inuyasha noticed. Her expression was solemn, annulled. It was as if she believed that nothing existed. It disturbed him very.
Kagome hadn’t spoken a word since the ambulance arrived to pick up her grandfather. Together, they rode in the car and followed the ambulance to the hospital. She was quiet, detached. Even though he was so close, she looked as if she was unreachable, so secluded from the world around her. The concept of her being like this…it was terrifying. It was hard enough when she wasn’t happy, or just content, as she had always been, before…
Inuyasha shook his head. This was not the time for him to drift off into his thoughts. He knew the reason behind Kagome’s behavior. She believed it was her that caused her grandfather’s sickness. No one could really blame her. The old man had an abrupt seizure, but not one of them knew why. There wasn’t enough understanding to know the cause without the doctor telling them. Inuyasha was sure that it wasn’t because of her and knew that Kagome would stop beating herself up after she found out the truth. He could sense the storm inside her. It was slowly tearing her apart as she couldn’t understand what was happening to her life, at least of what she knew or remembered.
The three turned the final corner to the wing where Kagome’s grandfather’s room was. The nurse stopped before the door and opened it. Inside was grandfather Higurashi and the family doctor.
“Doctor?” the nurse called.
Dr. Tanomoshii looked up. “Yes?”
“You wanted to see the family.”
“Oh, yes, Mr. and Mrs. Zenya, a moment please.” The doctor went back to his clipboard, checking off a few more things. Finally, he joined the couple outside in the hallway. He quietly shut the door and placed the clipboard in the bin on the door.
The doctor first looked at Inuyasha and then at Kagome, immediately recognizing her. “Ms. Higura- pardon me, Mrs. Zenya, it has been a while. My have you grown. I didn’t know that you had married. I heard that you’ve been diagnosed with amnesia not too long ago. I hope everything’s alright.” The doctor gave a small smile.
“Huh?” Kagome looked up from her gaze at the doctor. She was still dazed and slow to her surroundings.
Inuyasha noticed this and reacted quickly. He stepped forward slightly, protectively. “Get on with it, doctor. How is he?” he said, nodding towards the door.
The doctor sighed, his attempts at starting a conversation failed. “Mr. Higurashi’s condition is stable, no fatal or lasting signs. He had a case of hypoglycemia.”
“Hypo-what?”
“Hypo glycemia. It’s a condition, mostly found in diabetics. It’s when the sugar level in a patient’s blood stream is too low. We call it hypo.” The doctor looked to see if the couple were following.
“So, you’re saying his sugar was low?” The doctor nodded. “What does this hypo mean?”
“It means Mr. Higurashi either took too much insulin or he did eat enough sugar within the past few days. Really, it could be both. By the way, was your grandfather acting, how do say, strange lately?” he looked for Kagome to answer.
She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. She nodded her head almost unnoticeably, but Inuyasha caught it.
“She thinks so. Why?”
“Another sign of hypo. During the condition, the patient has several symptoms that are very obvious to others and some that are subtle, even to the most perceptive. Some evident features include aggression, paleness, irritability, confusion, and trembling. Perhaps something such as an argument or a disagreement could have stimulated his heart rate, speeding it up.”
Inuyasha looked at Kagome as her chin fell to her chest. It must have hurt to hear that…
“Well,” the doctor continued, “Whatever had happened lead to a seizure, classified as a tonic-clonic seizure. This type of seizure is very common in elderly and sickly people. Seeing as how a seizure was abrupt, all I can assume is that your grandfather has been in hypo for at least several days.”
“So, will he be alright?”
“Of course. Like I mentioned before, his condition is very stable. There’s nothing to worry about since it was too serious. We’ll be monitoring him for the next two days to make sure that nothing else occurs, and he’ll be going home. If you have any more questions, just call the nurse and he’ll be with you if you need him. I must be going. Oh, and please try not to disturb him too much. He’ll probably seem a little confused, but it’s natural.”
The doctor walked off, and Inuyasha looked back at Kagome. “Kagome? Do you wanna go in?”
She nodded jerkily. He slowly opened the door and let Kagome in and followed after. Her grandfather was resting in the bed with an IV of sugary fluid hooked up to him. Kagome stood quietly, and Inuyasha did the same. He didn’t want to disturb her, but at the same time wanted to take her away from this place and somehow manage to comfort her. He couldn’t stand seeing Kagome like this but was powerless to do so otherwise.
Suddenly, he smelled the stinging sensation of salt and quickly looked at Kagome. Her head down, her shoulders trembling. She was crying silently. Inuyasha hesitated before reaching out for Kagome. Was he sure that he could do good for her this time? Even in just trying to comfort the one he truly loved? He wouldn’t know without trying. He turned her around and brought her close, hoping to somehow give her the strength that she desperately needed.
Inuyasha cringed inside. Kagome was the one that had more strength and courage than he had ever hoped to show for her. She was the strongest being that he knew, even more, stubborn. She wouldn’t dare show weakness without it affecting her emotionally, but this time was different. Not knowing herself, seemingly causing trouble for others, how could she muster up the strength when her own conflict was tearing at her? Sure, the doctor could explain everything down to the bone about what had scientifically and medically, but he couldn’t reassure that nothing was Kagome’s fault or erase the thoughts that Inuyasha knew were going through her mind. What could he do to help ease the pain? Kagome had to know for herself, but there was no way he could get into her mind and ease the pain. All he could do was just hold her, even until the end of time, before she could finally release those foreboding thoughts of hers.
“Kagome?” came a weak voice.
Kagome pulled her head from Inuyasha’s chest and looked tearfully at her grandfather.
“Kagome, dear, where am I?”
Letting her go, Inuyasha watched as she knelt by the bedside and took her grandfather’s hand, smiling hopelessly at him. It was an empty smile, but it was meant to reassure.
Mr. Higurashi’s eyes widened slightly, acknowledging what her look meant. He closed his eyes, a dry tear falling from his closed lids. “I…I’m sorry, Kagome. I’m so sorry.”
Kagome squeezed his hand as more tears fell from her eyes.
Inuyasha gazed upon them, and, somehow, he felt like he didn’t belong, like he was a burden. ‘I’m sorry…Kagome…’
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‘I guess…maybe Houjou just chose the wrong girl. I hope that the next one will be just perfect for him. I just wish I could find mine…’
‘Find the right one…’ Kagome thought. ‘Why does that thought keep reoccurring in my head?’ She looked down at her diary. It hadn’t been opened in over a week.
Her grandfather had come home four days ago, the doctor releasing him as soon as he found him recovered. He hadn’t remembered what had happened before or after the seizure. In fact, he didn’t remember anything from that morning. Doctor Tanomoshii told Mrs. Higurashi, “Mr. Kenja needs to be monitored for a while when he takes his insulin, just to make sure that he takes the right dosage. Also, he will need to take a pill prescribed for seizures. It lessens the chance of another episode like this to happen.”
Kagome took on the responsibility of monitoring her grandfather, feeling that the whole thing was still her fault. At the moment, however, grandpa Higurashi was asleep, and Mrs. Higurashi was watching over him, allowing for Kagome to have some time to herself.
‘Maybe, maybe I keep thinking of what I wrote down because of what had happened. Inuyasha…was different from usual. Maybe it’s just me, but that day, when he held me, I felt a sadness, a hopelessness that he hid within his soul. It called out to me, as if it was trying to pull my sadness away and allow him to carry it. But…why?’
She hadn’t seen much of Inuyasha since they came back to the shrine with her grandfather. Of course, Inuyasha was still on the shrine grounds, just not within plain sight. Kagome wanted to talk with him, but every time that she did see him, she couldn’t muster the strength to open her mouth. The look he had in his eyes, she could tell that his sadness had deepened with every look she gave him, as if he was ashamed of something. It bothered her to no end.
Kagome brought her legs to her chest and rested her chin on her knees. She stared intently on the blue and pink book before her. This one, tiny book held all the answers that she wanted, needed so desperately. But, somewhere in her mind, something was holding her back. If she would just open and read this small book, then all her questions would cease to exist. So why didn’t she reach out for the book.
A voice made itself known in her head, a voice very similar to her own.
‘Don’t open that book. Do you know what is in that book?’
“Yes, my memories that I wanted to remember. Memories chosen from my past that I wanted to cherish forever.”
‘No, the memories written in there are not the things you seek for yourself. The memories in there are those that you wrote down, just so that you would never have to remember them again.’
“If I didn’t want to remember them, then why did I write them down? It wouldn’t make sense.”
‘Your memories, so full of pain, so full of sorrow… Do you truly wish to seek out those things that hurt you the most? Do you want to know why you feel such a longing to escape the pain that plagues you? The pain of those memories that haunt you even though you know not of them?’
“I seek you know the truth of my past, to know why I am the way I am, how my life came to be full of these people, especially my husband. I love him, and yet, I am not sure if I love him. Why did I fall in love with him? Why is it that I know that deep down, my world revolves around him and he doesn’t seem the least bit interested? So many questions that I know are in this book… I must…” Kagome reached for the book.
‘Stop! Don’t touch that book! The truth that you seek, it is not something that is desirable. It does not contain the happiness that your heart desires, the information that you wish to use to fill that void inside you. You wrote in this book to forget, to lock away the memories that you wish to never remember again. This diary is full of sadness that you erased from your mind on purpose. Don’t release those memories that will bring you nothing but sorrow!
‘That husband of yours… He is the source of your pain. Do you know why?’
“My…My pain?”
‘Yes. He’s the one that breaks your heart and causes you pain. That Inuyasha…that half-breed…he despises you. He only uses you and cares nothing for you. If you open that book, you’ll know why you’re hurting so much. This book written out of misery, out of the hope of never hurting…is this truly the truth you seek? Wouldn’t it be better to not know and be happy than to understand the truth and be full of misery?’
“Maybe…but, if I don’t know the truth, then how can I go on in life without knowing whose life I’m leading? My own, or the one that other people make me out to be? Besides, this is my life that I’ve be ruining, not yours. So leave me alone, whoever you are!”
‘Very well. I warned you, but you heed me not. I’ll leave…for now…’
Kagome sensed that the presence had left, and she was once again alone. Perplexed, she picked up the book and unlocked it. She read for a while before coming to one specific entry that caught her interest.
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April 14, 1999
Today, we received a new student. It’s not unusual that we get new students, especially during the beginning of the first trimester of the school year. But this guy, he was different. I don’t mean that he was weird or anything like that. It’s just… I got this weird feeling whenever I look at him. He’s much different from the others. I know he’s not human, like Sango and Miroku, but he’s not youkai, like Shippou. It’s kinda like the aura that surrounds Kirara and Rin. Their youki is inconsistent, as was this guy’s. To me, it seemed to fluctuate differently from the others. I can’t tell fully, but I can’t help get a strange feeling from him. It’s…inexplicable…especially with my still underdeveloped powers. All I can say is that I think I need to watch this guy. I don’t want to be judgmental about someone that I know nothing about…especially if I haven’t taken the time to get to know him. But then, right after school he suddenly disappeared before I had a chance to ask him anything. Maybe…maybe it is better that I keep a close eye on him until I can understand what’s going on. Oh, his name…was Zenya Inuyasha…
April 20, 1999
I finally talked to Zenya-san, and he seemed okay. But I think he was trying to avoid talking to me. I guess I can’t blame him. All week, several students kept trying to talk him and get to know him. And then there were some bakas in that class that were picking on him because of his silver hair. I have to admit that he’s the first person I’ve ever seen with silvery white hair and it’s kinda amazing to know of someone with a weird hair color. But then again…Rin has naturally blue hair, and Kirara is a blonde, so I can’t say too much. I still think that he’s strange… but not in a bad way, I think. I didn’t manage much of a conversation with him. I tried several times to start up a conversation with him in the hall way and during lunch, but he apparently didn’t feel like talking. I got kinda the disposition around him; as for his personality, I wish anyone good luck with that. I can only guess he wanted to be alone, or maybe, somewhere inside me I felt it but…I think maybe he was lonely. I’ll try to look into it, but not too much. I don’t him to think that I’m snooping around him and into his business. I’m sure that he’s different from the others because of the way he grew up. But then, I can only assume…
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‘Inuyasha was…lonely? But, what this is saying totally contradicts the Inuyasha that I know! The one I know…he’s not lonely at all. He just chooses to seclude himself away from people. I don’t get it…’
A knock came at the door, disturbing Kagome from her reverie. “Yes?”
The door opened. “Kagome, dear are you okay?” It was Ms. Higurashi. “You’ve been up here all afternoon, so I wanted to check to see if everything is alright.”
“Yes, I’m fine. I’m just reading a little. How’s Grandpa?”
“He’s still asleep, but he’s still managing.” Ms. Higurashi gave Kagome a concerned look before sitting on the bed next to her. “Listen, Kagome dear. Don’t push yourself too hard. It’s not your fault that this happened or anything else for that matter. I’ll take care of your grandfather, so don’t stress yourself out, okay?”
“Yes, Mama.”
“Good. I don’t my baby to hurt anymore, but it’s up to you to make that decision. I trust your judgment, so don’t be pressure. I’ll be downstairs if you need anything.” She gave her a kiss on the forehead and headed to the door.
“Mama?”
“Yes, dear?”
Kagome looked down at her lap. “Thanks…a lot…”
Ms. Higurashi smiled. “I’m doing only what I can to help my baby girl.” She left.
Kagome pondered for a moment at her mother’s words.
‘Mom…believes in me…even though I don’t in myself. She believes in me even if I don’t know myself and I don’t remember her. I think it’s time for me to start believing in myself, for a change. Everyone else does, so why shouldn’t I?’
Kagome sighed. “If only it were as easy as saying it…” she said under her breath. She went back to reading and came across another entry that brought even more interest that she became overwhelmed.
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May 7, 1999
I…I can’t believe what I just heard today. Zenya-san…no, Inuyasha-san told me something I couldn’t believe would ever happen to someone. Today, in my Human Social Relations class, all the students had to pair up. Since it was only me, Rin, Sango, Miroku, Shippou, and Inuyasha-san, I paired up with Inuyasha-san while Sango went with Miroku and Rin with Shippou. We were supposed to find out about each other’s background and how we grew up. I had no problem telling Inu-san my story, but I had some work to do to get him to talk. Finally, he told me, and I almost didn’t want to hear the whole thing. His life, it was so sad.
The day of his birth, Inu-san’s father, the Inu no Taishou, was killed after the sealing of his ultimate enemy, Ryoukotsusei, he believes. He lived with his mother, Izayoi, in his father’s manor in Nagoya, until she was murdered, when he seven years old. After that, he wandered for several months, since no one knew of Izayoi’s death or of the Inu no Taishou’s son. Eventually, someone did find him, and he lived at an orphanage, hoping that someone would adopt him. It was only a year ago that Inu-san was found by his half-brother, Sesshoumaru, whom no one knew of until that moment. This Sesshoumaru turned out to be sired from Inu-san’s father’s first mate. But before that, Inu-san had been sent to school in Yokohama, where he met Sesshoumaru, of course. And so Inuyasha-san moved with his brother here to Tokyo. However, this isn’t the half of it.
When Izayoi was alive, both he and Inuyasha-san suffered much in the aftermath of Inu no Taishou’s death. They were both rejected by the two separate worlds that still coexists with each other. Izayoi, being a human that mated with a youkai, was shunned by her family and friends when they found out. She only survived for so long afterward because of her son and what her mate’s legacy had left behind. Inuyasha-san was scorned upon because he was the impure link between the worlds of human and youkai. He told me that even though he was both, he wasn’t really one or the other. He didn’t belong in either of the societies. Other than his mother, he wasn’t accepted by anyone that knew he was a hanyou. After Izayoi’s death, it became worse. Without his mother’s protection, he had to run to survive. Since no one knew him and he couldn’t find anyone that he recognized, he was chased by many of his father’s enemies. How he survived is difficult to explain. He thinks it was just pure luck that he merely lived but that was where his luck ran out. Even though someone found him and brought him to an orphanage, none of the other kids wanted to play or even be near him. They all thought he was a freak. Truly, I don’t know why, when he looks pretty normal to me, but Inu-san told me that I wouldn’t understand. From what he told me, he felt lonely, unwanted by the people that he was part of. None of the adopting families would take, only wanting babies or younger children. In time, he was the oldest out of everybody and was approaching the age limit. On his 16th birthday, he had to be let go, and he was back to wandering the streets. He did continue his schooling, but, without a home or any guardians or a job, he wasn’t sure he could last. Thank Kami-sama, however, that he did find his brother, or more like his brother found him. Inuyasha-san was in a battle with a youkai that he couldn’t handle with just his bare hands. Sesshoumaru, he told me, pushed him aside and destroyed the youkai with one blow.
Inuyasha didn’t tell me how he managed to move in with his brother, but something tells me that he doesn’t really like him, or vice versa. But what kept me thinking about all day was the fact that someone could be rejected by society, to be an outcast from the worlds that he coexists in. To not be able to be accepted or loved by anyone because everyone that you know hates you or is dead…I can’t imagine how someone could live on, to continue on like that. It would be too much for me to bear. I’ve lived a life where everyone loves me, where the greatest lost that I’ve had was my father’s death. Inuyasha-san, he tries to isolate himself from the others, even though he looks just like another student, because he’s afraid of being hurt. Isolation, loneliness, separation. Those are the only things he knows. Those are the only things he accepts to be the truth. If anyone enters his world, they could easily break it and he would never be able to live again. He puts up a tough exterior, but, really, he’s a, in reality, a lost little kid in a world that won’t accept him. All that he ever wanted, I’m sure, was for someone to love him, to treat him like he’s somebody…
Today, I have made decision. From now on, I will be Inuyasha-san’s friend. Whether or not I become his only friend, it doesn’t matter. I just don’t want someone to feel like he’s alone in this world and that he has to be or has to create his own in which he belongs. I will not allow Inu-san to be alone, not as long as I can help it. I might be his only friend, but he won’t be without at least one. Everyone deserves to feel like he belongs, so I will make sure that Inuyasha does to…
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Kagome’s tears dripped on the already tear-stained pages. She closed the book, dropping it on the book as she grabbed her legs into a protective brace.
‘Inuyasha…he lived such a sad life… all alone… with no one to care for him. How…How can anyone live like that? Why wasn’t anyone there for him? Why didn’t anyone care?! Left alone, lost in a world where acceptance didn’t come for a hanyou like him. Oh, Inuyasha…’
Kagome sat up and tried to wipe her eyes. “I have to find Inuyasha. I have to know…” Kagome ran out her room and flew down the stairs and out the door. She followed her heart, not her eyes, to Inuyasha in Goshinboku.
“Inuyasha!” she called. She received no answer. She called again, but nothing came. She slumped down on the ground, her back to the base of the tree. “Why won’t you answer me?” she whimpered as the tears continued to flow down her face. “Why won’t you tell me…?” She brought her knees to her chest, burying her face in her arms as the tears gradually came.
Steady hands picked her up. Quick feet launched her into the branches of the sacred tree. Powerful arms wrapped around her. Soft lips brushed away her tears as the silence calmed her. Intense eyes pierced her gaze. His words spoke great meaning to her in the evening.
“If I told you now, you would break. Wait…just a little longer…”
Yay! The dumb baka finally decided to finish typing this chapter!! Pocky and snicker doodles for everyone!!!
My procrastination has gotten worse as school has wrung me out and left me dry with sleep deprivation, hunger pangs, and crazy spazzes of insanity. My creative side for this story has left me barren as my head pounds on my like an elephant smashes a watermelon. I am in desperate need of an EXTREMELY long vacation, just to get myself back together. I’m sorry for the VERY late update. I started typing this chapter after the last time I posted, but having school work and papers to write really doesn’t give you the time of the day. But I’m back…for the moment. I hope to get started with Engaging Enemies again soon. I’m pretty sure all you fans and others are pretty POed at me, especially with EE, since I haven’t done anything for it since May 25, except ponder about future chapters. Procrastination is not good, especially when you’re on a schedule. Well, hopefully, I’ll get back on track, but there are absolutely no guarantees. If there were, then I would be owing a LOT back to the people. C ya!
BA326’s Final Thoughts:
For all of you that are still in school, especially high school, NEVER EVER EVER take 2 college classes in high school, unless you’re ready for the torture, blood, pain, and tons of effort it takes from you. Even those that think they’re absolutely brilliant, prepare yourself or you’ll be crushed. That is why my mind is having a major migraine or whatever and I am not at 200 percent efficiency. I am surviving with barely 75 percent, and that’s not normal! And BTW, why is it that when I looked up the Civil War on a Library Card Catalog I found one of the volumes of the Inuyasha manga there? Someone, please, just tell me!!! Jaa!