InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ I Can't Love You Like This ❯ Chapter 2

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Author note: After much serious thinking and encouragement I'm continuing this story. From what response I got there were some mixed feelings but that helped. Honestly, I just wanted to write something with Sesshoumaru deeply in love and deeply hurt from it. I never thought THAT would be the result, but this story have some great potential. Don't expect anything magic to happen, no fantasy, no transformation, no demons, no past life or the like. This will be a pure drama, romance, angst etc. story. With the bitting reality at their butts, so enjoy it as much as you want. I stand firm, if you don't like the themes in this story then don't read it, its simple.

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha nor Sesshoumaru or any other character from the show.

Pairing/Rating: Sesshoumaru/InuYasha. Mature readers only since it containes serious subjects.

Warning: Incest, non-con/rape, m/m, anal, oral, solo, death wish.

Read, Enjoy and Review.

I Can't Love You Like This
By Monkan

Chapter 2

He moaned as the other moved up and down on his shaft. The tightness squeezing him hard and he felt how every nerve in his body responded. He thrust his hips up and met his partner. His reward was a deep throated scream as he rammed inside the other, making sure he reached all the way inside. He was so close. Just a little more and they both would go over the edge. He gripped the others waist, his fingers tangling with midnight dark hair. Hands gripped his shoulders tightly, trying to get a hold of him but the pleasure was to much for them and with one final ram inside the other they came hard. The one on top threw his head back and howled in a deep gasp while the other opened his mouth and let out,

"INUYASHA!"

Sesshoumaru woke up with a start. His confused eyes scanned his room for a moment before settling down in bed again. He buried his head in his big pillow and grunted in disgust with himself as he felt the dampness around his crotch.

A dream. He had gotten of off a dream again. He grunted as he rolled over with the sheets tangled around his body. His body felt tired, like he hadn't rested but that was to be expected because of what had happened in this house the last 48 hours.

He had fantasized about his little brother while masturbating, met said little brother's new girl-friend, gotten royally jealous of the little bitch and raped his little brother in blind lust and hope of destroying his sinful feelings for his own sibling.

The morning after he had cried brokenly and for a moment InuYasha had reached out for him but fallen asleep once again from exhaustion and when he returned in a few hours after taken care of some small business InuYasha had been gone. He had not been home since then and he could only guess what would happen from now on.

He hoped InuYasha just needed some time to let everything sink in but then again he could most likely expect the police to arrive and arrest him for the crime of incestuous rape. No matter what happened he would accept it, he had nothing left now anyway.

If he lost InuYasha which was most likely to happen then he wouldn't go after him, he would just go on with his fallen soul, never loving any other being like he loved InuYasha.

But if by some minimal chance that InuYasha returned to him, to this house, to him, to accept him and maybe, even maybe give him a chance to show him just how deep his love was then nothing else would matter. InuYasha would be his all and everything. Until the day he lose InuYasha he would make sure the other never regret his choice.

If InuYasha only came home.

The days progressed slowly and Sesshoumaru went around doing whatever he could find to keep him busy. He cleaned, washed, prepared food. He even cleaned out all rooms in the house. Living only two in a house that could be called a mansion left many rooms untouched for longer periods of time. Collecting dust wasn't a rare thing and he did anything just to keep himself occupied.

One day had turned into two, and two into three and it wasn't until day five that InuYasha returned home.

Slowly the door opened to reveal InuYasha, for a moment he thought he saw Sesshoumaru in the hall but when he blinked he was all alone. That's right, this was the first time in ages that Sesshoumaru didn't meet him in the hall when he came home. It felt strange not to see that cold face when he opened the door.... but he guessed it couldn't be helped. He wasn't sure if he should ever return here after what happened. He still carried scars from that night, something he would never forget but he had been even more confused why he had felt a tender ache for his brother in the morning after. It scared him more than anything and so he had run away, or more precisely limped away.

He still wasn't sure to why he was here now. Taking of his shoes and putting his jacket aside he walked inside and when he came to the open living room where he froze. Curled up in the corner of the expensive sofa was Sesshoumaru, semi asleep. He wore dark trousers that hung down his heels and a grey woven jumped with a wide neck. While one shoulder was partly exposed the older sibling rested his head against his other shoulder, his hands folded in his lap with his feet under him. His hair was pulled back in a tail.

InuYasha had to admit that his brother was one gorgeous guy..... but that didn't leave him right to touch him in that way. They shared blood, allright on only one side but still, they were very much blood related brothers.

InuYasha took a step forward and then another until he stood in front of the slumbering man. On the table beside them lay a number of books and a lap top which were closed. A pen on a half used block of paper with writing of something advanced. InuYasha felt like kicking himself as he was once again reminded that his brother worked from home while studying advanced classes of economy and business. Since he never saw his brother work while he was home after school it was easy to forget.

While he had just concentrated on school, his teenage life and being mostly pissed at home because of his brother. Sesshoumaru worked, studied, took care of the house, bills, shopping and everything else. Even the garden was always taken care, to the point where their gardening neighbor was jealous of them.

He had always come home to a warm meal on the table no matter what day it was. He had always been taken good care of by his brother and it had made him a little spoiled.

Sesshoumaru shifted slightly, startling InuYasha who took a step back.

What was he really doing here? He was scared, more scared than he had ever been in his whole life. He didn't know what to do. Should he reach out and wake his brother or punch him before cursing him and run away forever? He could never tell anyone of what happened that night. No one would ever understand. He was so split inside he felt like vomit.

InuYasha didn't when his arm reached forward until suddenly his wrist was caught.

Sesshoumaru raised his head and with sleepy eyes looked up to what his hand had caught. They travelled up the arm until they saw the owner of the arm, frozen in place. Sesshoumaru blinked once and then twice.

"InuYasha?" he asked softly as he tried to clear the cloud in his mind. "You came back?" he asked more to himself and the a smile appeared on his face. Making InuYasha's heart jump. "I'm so happy. I thought you were never coming back to me." Sesshoumaru put his feet down and gently pulled InuYasha closer until he could wrap his arms around the younger's waist. He lay his face against the other as he took in his brother's smell.

InuYasha looked down and didn't know what to do. Should he push Sesshoumaru away or wrap his arms around him too? With his hands on the others shoulders while he couldn't decide what to do he let the minutes tick by and nothing happened.

What had he waited for? For his brother to jump him again and rape him once more? To throw him out and tell him to never come back unless he wanted to be killed. That he would repel any contact with his brother as they would remind him of the pain and shame he had endured. All those scenarios that had run through his head the last five days faded away as he stood here, now, facing everything.

Finally he pushed away Sesshoumaru and much to his surprise the other didn't struggle against him. For the second time in a week he was faced with the open eyes of his brother. Sesshoumaru sat on the sofa and just looked up at him, waiting for him to make the first move.

InuYasha pressed his lips tightly together before opening them, surprised with how open his throat was. "Why?" he asked seriously. "Why did you do that to me?" he asked as his eyes stared right into his brothers, begging to be told the answer. "What will become of us now?"

Sesshoumaru didn't look away even as he felt the pain in his heart grow. "Because I love you." he answered honestly. "I've loved you for a long time but I always suppressed them when you were around. I knew my feelings were a sin and could never be brought forth but still I couldn't help loving you more and more as I watched you grow up." Sesshoumaru looked at InuYasha's stomach to he wouldn't have to face those eyes. "But when I faced the possibility of losing you to someone else I snapped." he swallowed before continuing. "I wanted to show you my love but before I knew it it all changed into jealousy. I didn't want to give you to someone else. Something dark and ugly exploded inside me. More so than my love for you I wanted to destroy you. Destroy us both. I knew somewhere in my mind that if I did anything to you I would regret it latter. You would hate me.... I didn't want that but I couldn't stop myself."

His voice took on a snarl. "As I watched that girl cling on you like she owned you, looking so happy when you smiled at her it made me hate her. You have no idea how many times during that dinner I imagined killing her, sometimes just strangling her, other times cutting her throat. It took all my will to hold back the impulse of just slapping her."

His voice changed to a sorrow filled tone. "I knew that I could never take her place. I could never hold you like she could. I hated her for that but I also hated myself even more. I hated my feelings for you. Hated how much I wanted to care for you, to embrace you."

With new courage he looked up and faced InuYasha straight on. "Every night I've gone to bed dreaming of holding you, of making love to you." InuYasha drew in a breath. "I've lost count on all the times I would escape to my room just so that you wouldn't notice how aroused you made me while you did something as trivial as stretching your arms. I wanted nothing more than to take you into my arms, to kiss your lips, to make love to you in every way of the word. To give you pleasure far beyond anything you've ever experienced. I've day dreamed of taking you everywhere in this house and I confess that sometimes I dreamed that we weren't related, then I could be free to love you."

His whole face turned sad. "That's why I did that. I turned so jealous of that little girl that I lost all my senses. I did those........... awful.... things to you and now---......."

Sesshoumaru reached up and wrapped his fingers around a limp hand. "I can never undo what I've done to you, InuYasha. But if you can forgive me and give me a new chance I will make sure that you never regret it." The older brother closed his eyes as he savored the touch between their hands. "I-- no. WE can't go back to how things used to be. I can't stop loving you now. I love you to strongly to let go of you if you come back to this house... to me. So I want you to think this through carefully, InuYasha." He looked up but this time hopefully.

"Give me a chance to love you like you should be. I want to touch you, kiss you and if you allow me ever again I want to make love to you, this time like it should had been. I won't be a burden on you if you feel that you can't cope with me, if you want out then you are free to leave."

"I promise you this, InuYasha. That should you ever want to run away from me or even kill me then I won't stop you. I won't force myself on you ever again but if you can love me just a little bit then I won't ask you for more. If you don't want my touch then I will stop. If you turn down my kisses then I won't bruise your lips with them. If needed I give my life to you, my love."

InuYasha could only stare at his older brother. Not sure what he felt but still... he couldn't help it. He knew this wasn't right. It would never be right but he also didn't want to be alone anymore. Maybe it was his teenage heart, maybe he was spell bound by those words, maybe it was something else. He didn't know anymore and he didn't care.

Whatever it was made the fractures on his heart from that night began to heal.

His thumb gently stroked Sesshoumaru's knuckles. Giving both comfort.... and hope.

To Be Continued