InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ I Can't Love You Like This ❯ Chapter 4

Author Note: Nothing big to say, like normal. So I will save my breath and go back to bed like I should be. I can't believe I finished this chapter on a hang-over. Wake me when it's time for another chapter.

Summary: Sometimes the awkward way is the best way.

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha nor Sesshoumaru or any other character from the show.

Pairing/Rating: Sesshoumaru/InuYasha. Mature readers only since it contains serious subjects.

Warning: Incest, non-con/rape, m/m, anal, oral, solo, voyeurism, death wish.

Read, Enjoy & Review.

I Can't Love You Like This
By Monkan

Chapter 4

Two weeks had gone by since those days. The brothers lives had been a mix of temporary happiness and lingering pain and despair. Most of their time together was spent like it used to be with the exception of random kisses and hugs. Sesshoumaru loved every moment of them and when he felt InuYasha give in to him, just a little bit, he felt happiness beyond compare. Still his touch could bring out the terror in InuYasha's mind and he pulled away each time. He woke InuYasha up with a gentle kiss and he prepared breakfast for them. He didn't come to pick InuYasha up at school after that day, trying to trust InuYasha even though he still felt maniacally jealous by just the thought of any girl hanging onto his InuYasha.

Still, when InuYasha got home he would be there to welcome him home. A gentle expression on his face as well as a kiss or two if he could get away with it.

When he had time he tried to spend as much time with InuYasha as he could. This resulted in several odd nights of small talk and movie watching. Sesshoumaru tried to touch InuYasha as much as he was allowed. Mostly holding hands or affectionately touching his face, any further would be denied by flinching or hasty jerks from his touch.

There had even been one time when he had been so exhausted from all the work one day that when they sat down to watch whatever was on the TV he had fallen asleep, with his head lulled against InuYasha's shoulder.

Still, he desired to touch InuYasha more intimate but knew he didn't have the right to yet. But that didn't mean he didn't still dreamed of making love to InuYasha. If anything, his dreams had been more vivid than ever thanks to that night that changed everything. He just hoped that his dreams wouldn't forever be dreams.

Many days later when their lives had more or less fallen into routine, a letter arrived on the mail.

InuYasha came home one day and found Sesshoumaru in the hall waiting for him.

He closed the door behind him as he took of his shoes.

gWelcome home, InuYasha.h Sesshoumaru greeted warmly as he held out his arm for the other to take.

InuYasha's body moved on it's own into Sesshoumaru's arms. His face leaned up slightly and their lips meet. Both of Sesshoumaru's arms wrapped around InuYasha's waist and held him close as InuYasha's hands rested on his hips.

When they parted they looked into each others eyes. gI'm home.h InuYasha said shyly.

Sesshoumaru found this very adorable and leaned once more to kiss his lips briefly. When the moment ended he let go of InuYasha and stepped back one step. The loneliness that followed was sharp in his heart and he longed to take InuYasha into his arms again, but he refrained from doing so.

Walking ahead Sesshoumaru moved to the kitchen where their dinner was just about ready. The plates on the table with everything except the meat that were still frying in the pan.

gDid anything happen today? You seem in a good mode.h InuYasha asked as he moved to today's mail to see if anything was for him.

gI got the result from my last report. It seems that the professors were impressed by it and wanted to talk about it for further details of the possibilities.h

gHeh. I don't understand half of the things you read but it's impressive. When are you meeting them?h

gI'm not.h came the short answer without any greater force behind them.

InuYasha turned his head in shock. gYou're not? Why?h

The older brother flipped the frying pan and put it back down on the stow. gI told them right out that I don't have time for a few weeks forward. I'm busy as it is with work, the house and school. If I take time of I will either have to pull all-nighters or fall behind in my assignments and I don't want either.h he put the meat on the nearby plate. gBesides, I don't want to be like our parents.h

gThey aren't so bad--h InuYasha started, looking at Sesshoumaru's back.

gThey haven't been home for years.h Sesshoumaru said sharply. gThey just send us money every now and then and don't even call us.h he reached for some of the spice above him. gI hate them.h

InuYasha looked sadly at his brother's back before turning back to the mail. One mostly unmarked letter caught his attention.

gWhat's this?h asked InuYasha as he turned it too see only Sesshoumaru's name on it. gIt's for you.h

Sesshoumaru turned around and when his eyes caught the letter they widen slightly in what InuYasha couldn't name. Next he knew, the letter were torn from his hand and ripped to pieces. He could only stare in amazement as he watched the destroyed letter fall to the floor in a mess.

gWhy did you do that?h he snapped. gThat may have been something important!h

Sesshoumaru just gave him a cold glare that made him flinch as he spoke. gThere was nothing of importance in that letter.h he bent down and picked up the pieces and threw them away in the recycle bag. When he turned around and saw the face InuYasha were making he tried his best to smile. gLet's eat.h

Dinner became a quiet and tense event. One tried to forget what had happened earlier while the other tried to understand what that was all about. Needless to say, not much were said between them.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Later, when the dark had fallen outside and the day was almost over, the house was mostly silent except for the sound from the TV. In the dark living room the TV played an action movie in replay but the lonely occupant on the couch was fast asleep, across the cushions. Sesshoumaru was unaware of anything around him as his mind took the most needed rest it needed so he was completely unaware of InuYasha passing by the open door.

In his dreams he was in laying on a blanket on a field of wild grown grass. Next to him rested InuYasha, on his side. In his dream he rolled over and placed his arms around InuYasha to turn him around to face him. He looked down at the lovely person he had fallen in love with. He felt so at peace that nothing confused him. InuYasha didn't wake up so he took the opportunity to lean down and steal a kiss.

Maybe it was his senses or another part of him that made him open his eyes.

He blinked twice as his cobwebbed mind began to clear up. He saw someone kneeling in front of his face and it didn't click in his mind who it were but he on some subconscious level of his mind knew who it was and he smiled. It wasn't forced or strained like it had been during dinner but a natural smile from the bottom of his heart. His eyes still had a hard time to focus as his hand reached up and caressed the cheek of his audience. At the touch he closed his eyes as if he had been the one on the receiving end. InuYasha's skin felt soft under his fingers and he couldn't help but marvel at this for a minute.

Without any thoughts at all he slowly pulled their faces closer until their lips touched in a quick kiss. For one moment only did it last only to be replaced by another kiss who were followed by another. He would later realize that his mind was confusing reality with his dream but at that moment it didn't matter.

His heart knew no limits of happiness for he had kissed InuYasha as much as he wanted, even if he had been slowly waking up from his slumber. The innocent kisses had eventually turned into full scaled tongue kisses, leaving them breathless in its wake. He could still remember the taste of mint on InuYasha's breath.

He somehow had sit up and pulled InuYasha down beside him, giving both of them better access to each other.

He teased InuYasha's bottom lip when he pulled back. His eyes fluttered half open and even though the room was half dark he could see the hint of blush on his brothers face.

'How adorable.' he thought before stealing a quick kiss again. Now fully awake and aware he pulled back but his arms didn't. He looked at InuYasha who in the light from the TV looked even younger than he was. His breath still came in short pants and his eyes held a mixture of confusion and something else.

Could he chance it?

Sesshoumaru lowered his arms so that his fingers brushed against InuYasha's pants, just around his hipbones but just that action made InuYasha tense and Sesshoumaru resisted the urge to sigh. It wouldn't go so easy as he had hoped.

gI won't touch you that way if you don't want to so don't worry.h

gBut?h InuYasha began. gYou're--h he couldn't say it. He couldn't say he had noticed Sesshoumaru's erection while they kissed. It had been entirely by accident that he had felt it but he was still embarrassed by it. He had been taken by surprise by the kisses but they had been so erotic and sensual that they had swept him away. Now that they had ended he didn't know what to do. His conflicted feelings were all messed up. He wanted to mend things between them but knew he wasn't ready to go through that again. But if nothing happened then they would both continue to hurt each other. He didn't want that anymore and to be honest, his feelings were also changing a little. If anything he had realized that he wanted to feel Sesshoumaru's touch again.... just not the whole sex act.

As if sensing the war inside InuYasha, Sesshoumaru leaned his forehead against InuYasha's. gYou don't have to worry about it.h

gBut? I can't just... I don't want to... I mean-- Dammit.h he closed his eyes for a second. gI'm still scared... but... I don't want this crack between us anymore.h

He felt like an idiot. A complete idiot. Of all the things he had thought how to mend their relationship this was the most clumsy, idiotic failure he could had made of it. He wanted to die.

Because he was beating himself up inside he didn't notice until the hands touched and dragged him down so that he was laying on top of Sesshoumaru who lay on his back. Their bodies touched intimate and even though they still had all their clothes on InuYasha couldn't help but think how naked he felt. His cheeks blushed as he pushed his hands against Sesshoumaru's chest so he could look down on the other. His blush deepened as he saw the raw desire in the others eyes.

gI love you, InuYasha.h whispered Sesshoumaru. gMore than anyone in the world.h his hand reached up to InuYasha's neck. gTrust me!h

Then he pulled InuYasha down again and kissed him. His tongue came out and teased for permission to enter. InuYasha hesitated for one moment, not sure what do to but then without thinking parted his lips. Sesshoumaru's tongue moved slowly inside, teasing InuYasha's tongue into a slow dance. Their tongues wrapped around each other and untangled only to lick against each other and tangle together again. Somehow Sesshoumaru moved back and InuYasha followed and without him knowing his tongue was outside his lips. Sesshoumaru smiled as he leaned forward and played with it, sucking on the tip gently to then engage in another deep kiss. With one of his hands cradling InuYasha's neck while they kissed his other was free to do as it pleased. It stroked InuYasha's shoulders and back.

Unconsciously he rolled his hips against InuYasha's and the younger of them gasped into the kiss. Pleasure rolled over both of them as Sesshoumaru rolled his hips again and this time they broke apart.

InuYasha's head rested against Sesshoumaru's shoulder as their hips continued to dance together. Now and then they couldn't help the small sounds of pleasure that left them. Their private parts rubbed against each other and even through the layers of their clothes, to them both it felt incredibly erotic.

Sesshoumaru's hand went from InuYasha's back down to his ass. There his fingers grabbed a cheek and squeezed.

InuYasha's eyes opened wide, his hands that had been caught between them fisted against his brothers chest and he tensed. He felt cold shivers at the back of his mind.

g... please... don't....h he whispered, fear edging into his voice.

Without loosing hope Sesshoumaru removed his hand to let it rest against InuYasha's lower back. He turned his face so that InuYasha's hair tickled his nose. He pressed a soft kiss against the brow over one eye and said, gI love you.h in a soothing way that made InuYasha feel better, if only a little.

gTrust me.h he continued to whisper to his younger brother and waited until he received a shy nod from the other before the hand on InuYasha's neck slowly travelled down between his shoulder blades instead and the pressure grew stronger in the other as he pressed their bodies closer. He raised one leg so that he could cradle InuYasha between his safely.

Then he began once more to move his hips, rubbing their arousals against each other through their cloths. InuYasha moaned against Sesshoumaru's neck, his breath hot and stirred Sesshoumaru's desire even more. His hands that were beginning to go numb from their trapped position itched to hold on more, one managed to escape and held onto Sesshoumaru's shoulder as he began to meet the rhythm of their bodies. His senses were going crazy as he somewhat distantly felt Sesshoumaru's hand go over his hip and between them to rub against his crotch.

InuYasha jerked against the new sensation and let out a low groan, his spine tensed as he arched against Sesshoumaru.

The hand were obviously giving him the pleasure but since their bodies were so close Sesshoumaru wasn't an exception to it. The pace picked up and InuYasha had to close his eyes as he gasped and moaned on top of his brother. He were close, so close. In his pleasure indulged mind he didn't feel any shame as his free hand moved down, clumsy, to Sesshoumaru's hip and grabbed on tightly and pressed against him even more forcefully.

gClose... so close--h his breath caught in his throat.

gDon't hold back.h Sesshoumaru panted. gCome for me.h

InuYasha moaned and buried his face against the junction between Sesshoumaru's neck and shoulder. Without being able to hold back he let out his voice as he came, trembling as he began to falter from the top of ecstasy. Everything felt warm and good even though he could feel the dampness in his boxers. Feeling slightly embarrassed by it he tried move away but it was then that he felt the other was still aroused.

He raised himself onto his arms and sat back on Sesshoumaru's legs and looked down his brother who looked quiet satisfied even though he hadn't come yet.

gBrother?h he asked hesitatingly.

gIt's all right,h he said with laboured breath, his eyes half closed with lust. gI'm almost there.h Without waiting his hand went to work and rubbed against his own erection just like how he liked it. His legs twitched under InuYasha a few times and he felt Sesshoumaru's eyes on him.

This was something very private and he knew he should look away but he couldn't. He felt like he were spellbound to watch every movement Sesshoumaru did, every flick with his hand, everything. He couldn't tear his eyes away.

Sesshoumaru jerked once and threw his head back with his eyes closed tightly. His mouth open in an empty scream. His body shook with a few spasms until he came back to his senses. His eyes opened and they watched for a moment each other. Neither saying or doing anything.

Then finally Sesshoumaru pushed himself up on his elbows so he could face InuYasha directly. He leaned forward and stole yet another kiss from those sweet lips that had captured him for so long and continued to steal his heart from himself.

He looked adoringly at the other as he smiled like a feline that caught it's cream. It might have been awkward and even somewhat desperate but they had taken the first step forward that they needed. In order to live again.

gNow and always you will be my only one. My InuYasha.h

To be Continued.