InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ I Can't Love You Like This ❯ Chapter 8

Author Note: I felt that this one too hit a little of a dead end so I decided to put up the pace a little and it became a little rushed. But it's better than nothing at all.

 

Summary: In order to escape his sinful love he tried to destroy them. Now he tries to create a future where they can be together, and amend what he have done.

 

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha. I don't get anything for my work.

 

Pairing/Rating: Sesshoumaru/InuYasha. Mature readers only since it contains serious subjects.

 

Warning: Incest, non-con/rape, m/m, anal, oral, solo, voyeurism, foul languish, death wish.

 

Read, Enjoy & Review.

 

I Can't Love You Like This

By Monkan

 

Chapter 8

 

“How are your hands?” asked Kagome concerned as she sat down next to him. “Do they hurt?”

 

“No.” said InuYasha while continuing to touch the bandage on his left hand. “I can take it of tomorrow.”

 

“That's good to hear. You must be more careful next time, you could lose your hand if you are too careless.”

 

InuYasha gave Kagome a weak smile. She didn't know the real reason, that he tried to kill himself. She just thought he injured his hands in a stupid accident.

 

“By the way.” she interrupted his thoughts. “What are you doing on Valentines Day?”

 

“Valentine?” asked InuYasha as if the name was new to him. “Oh yeah, that's right. It's Valentine soon.”

 

Kagome gave him a hurt look. “How could you forget a day like that. It's the second most important day next to x-mas.”

 

“Sorry, it slipped my mind.” he said before looking away. “It really did.”

 

-o-o-o-o-

 

Sesshoumaru took of his glasses with a deep sigh and leaned back on the chair. The papers that laid out before him held little interest to him even though they needed to be done soon.

 

He couldn't help it that his thoughts kept straying to InuYasha. The last two weeks had been hell. When he promised to step away he hadn't known it would be this hard.

 

He could no longer hold InuYasha, much less kiss him and the distance that he forced between them were painful to keep up. He told himself sometimes that if he could just hold InuYasha one more time he wouldn't ask for more but he knew that couldn't happen. That was something he couldn't allow himself to do.

 

He knew that going this far had taken more will power than he knew he had it in him but if he broke away from this even a little then he wouldn't be able to go back.

 

How many times had he caught himself looking over his shoulder to see if InuYasha was there. How many times had he halted his own hand from touching someone he was forbidden from. How many times had he found himself outside InuYasha's room in the middle of the night, just standing there.

 

The only thing that made sense in this agonizing whirlpool was that he was allowing InuYasha a normal life. That was the only thought that kept him sane right now. Not even the hell that they lived in when they were little could compare to this.

 

This was a world that wouldn't accept them and he knew that all to well.

 

But knowing that didn't help him with the pain.

 

It didn't help at all.

 

-o-o-o-o-

 

The dripping sound of water echoed in the otherwise silent bathroom. The fresh towel laid by the tub in a heap. Over the edge of the tub rested a bandaged hand and the owner to it were savouring the heat from the water. His whole body were submerged in a cloud of bliss he hadn't remembered until today.

 

Letting his chest rise and fall in soft even movements he opened his eyes.

 

His mind were trying to sort everything out but somehow he knew it wouldn't come far. Nothing in his life made sense any more anyway.

 

He raised his hands up to eye level and with careful but sure motions of his fingers he began to remove the strips of cloths. When he finally let them fall it landed in the tub and began to soak up the water.

 

Turning his hands over and looking at them as if he was seeing them for the first time in ages. He could see the thin lines of the scars and the one on his wrist, sitting up so the water that had been caught by his hair ran over his shoulders and down his back and chest. He looked closely at his hands.

 

Within a month or two these scars would be gone and nothing would remain to remind him of what passed.

 

Was it really that simple?

 

He could hear the echoes from the hall that his brother were home finally.

 

-o-o-o-o-

 

The events of the day played in his mind, he had suddenly been called to the school today about a proposition.

 

Sesshoumaru walked into the living room and sat down by his unfinished report. Today's new paper lay beside on the table, he hadn't even touched the stocks today.

 

“It's the offer of a lifetime.”

 

--Flash--

 

Sesshoumaru sat in the principles office with another old man dressed in an expensive suite.

 

“I saw your report and survey of the market last week and I must say I was impressed.” the man said.

 

The young man looked hardly entertained.

 

“There are few people with your talent and gift in this profession, you by far outshine them all.”

 

The principle handed Sesshoumaru a paper with a very formal contract. He looked at them suspiciously through narrowed eyes. “Mr. Principle. You know that I can't take any offers yet. I have a brother look after.”

 

“Yes I'm well aware of it.” The old man with a bushy moustache said, “But this is an offer you only get once in a lifetime, if yet that even. You will be working with the top and the cream right from the start.”

 

“It also says here that I will be moving to New York. I'm not leaving without InuYasha and I can't take him with me, he had an accident a few weeks ago and are still recovering from the injuries.”

 

The business man folded his hands in his lap. “I'm sorry to hear that but I will only be staying until the day after tomorrow and I would like for you to come with me. Take my card and at least think about it tonight. Think about the future.”

 

--Flash--

 

“Sesshoumaru?” asked a voice that made him turn around. He saw InuYasha standing in the doorway with a towel wrapped around his waist, It went almost all the way down to his ankles. The water still clung to his body and his damp hair held onto his skin. The elder brother swallowed after letting his eyes sweep over the other for a fleeting moment.

 

“You finally took of the bandages. That's good.”

 

“Yes,” he raised one hand up and and turned it around as if to show Sesshoumaru. “There was no reason to have it on any more.”

 

He nodded, feeling relieved. “I'm sorry I'm late. Are you hungry?” he asked while trying to restrain himself. Did the boy have any idea of what he was doing to him?

 

“No I'm fine. Where were you?”

 

“The principle wanted to talk to me. There was a job offer by one of the funders.”

 

“That's great.” he felt happy by this news.

 

“It was almost to good to be true but it's in NY.”

 

InuYasha felt a lump in his throat. “NY?” he asked again to make sure he heard right.

 

“Yes. Their main office lies there and they wanted me there so I can start working with the elites. The old man wanted to take me with him when he leaves Japan in a few days. The money is also very tempting, just thinking about the possibilities makes my dreams seem like the dreams of a five-year-old.” By now he had turned back to the papers and didn't see InuYasha's face.

 

“You are leaving then.”

 

“Maybe.” he stated. “I haven't decided yet.”

 

Sesshoumaru could hear footsteps coming closer and willed himself not to look up, if he did he wasn't sure what he would do, faced with InuYasha's body. So he wasn't prepared when he suddenly found himself with InuYasha straddling his lap and leaned against his chest with his arms wrapped around him.

 

“Don't go.” he whispered.

 

Sesshoumaru looked down and saw faintly how InuYasha trembled. His breath caught in his throat.

 

“Don't leave me behind. Please.”

 

He shifted a little and tried to move them apart but InuYasha clung stubbornly to him like a child.

 

“InuYasha.” he whispered. “Look at me.”

 

With some resistance and will of iron he could finally look at the others face. He was captured by the eyes, so vulnerable and scared. It broke his heart to know he had once again caused InuYasha pain.

 

“InuYasha. You must know that we can't go on like this.” he said softly as if talking to a little kid. “No matter what we do we end up hurting each other and we can't go back to how it was before.”

 

“That doesn't mean you have to leave me.”

 

“What we had shouldn't had come to pass in the first place. It was a mistake and I'm trying to mend it all but it's not easy when you are so close...” his hand went up and trailed InuYasha's face. “...yet so far away.”

 

“It doesn't have to be like this. You don't have to leave.”

 

He shook his head. “You don't understand. Just being this close to you is hard. I think it would be best that we had more distance between us. So we can heal without running into each other everyday and let all out mistakes be forgotten.”

 

This time InuYasha shook his head fiercely, his hair snapping around his head. “Don't say it like that. Don't say it.” he felt how tears started to press forward in the corner of his eyes. He leaned forward so he could capture the others lips.

 

It was a sweet tender gesture and over all to quickly. InuYasha caught his brothers eyes with his as he pulled back. “Don't say it was a mistake.” he pulled the other into a lose hug with his head resting on the others shoulder. “It hurts more than being left behind.”

 

Sesshoumaru sat still like the dead, unable to move as he felt the closeness of the other against him. He swallowed and took a deep breath to gather his nerves.

 

“InuYasha, do you know what you are doing?” he asked carefully.

 

“Yes.” was his only answer.

 

“Then you do know what this will lead to. This isn't something we should ever do again.”

 

“I don't care. I won't let you say it was all a mistake. Not now and not ever.”

 

“InuYasha.” he tried to command the other to come back to his sanity before he lost all control that he had left.

 

“All I could think about... All I could think about lately is you.” he whispered against the others neck. “It hurt to see you out of reach as well as not being able to feel you.”

 

“That isn't love InuYasha.”

 

“It's something. I don't know why but being apart from you hurts more than when I cut my hand. Maybe I fell too into this insanity because I don't know what's right or wrong any more. All that matters that I have you.”

 

His hands came up to rest on InuYasha's thighs. “This is the last time, let go and walk away before it's too late.”

 

“I don't want to.”

 

“InuYasha.” he said sternly.

 

“No. I love you.”

 

He couldn't feel his heart beat. “Don't say it.”

 

“I love you.” InuYasha repeated. “I will say it how many times I need to. If it will chain you too me I will keep on say it. Even if it's a sin.”

 

His arms came up and wrapped around the teens. His face buried in the others neck. “Don't play with me.” he whispered.

 

“I'm not.”

 

They tilted their head so they could look at each other. Slowly, very slowly their lips closed in on each other until they touched.

 

Much later they laid on the couch in each others arms, just spooning together. The peaceful air around them was broken when Sesshoumaru suddenly remembered something.

 

He reached over InuYasha and grabbed the wireless phone on the table and reached into his back pocket to retrieve a number. He dialled it and waited.

 

There were a long waiting with only the sound of a 'beep' over the line before a click sounded and a 'hello'.

 

“It's me.” he said confidently. “Yes, I've given your offer thought and I'm not going with you.... Yes I know what I'm doing... No, it's quite simple. I just have something more important to me here than anything else.” there were a short silence. “Yes and no.” another silence before his lips turned into a self-confident and assured smirk but his eyes were soft as they looked down at InuYasha. “If you really want me then you will have to wait for me. When I come to you, I can promise YOU will not be disappointed.” InuYasha could hear laughter over the line. “Yes. Thank you so much. I will. Bye.”

 

To Be Continued.