InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Identity Crisis ❯ Chapter Eight ( Chapter 8 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer: Inuyasha belongs to Rumiko Takahashi.

Chapter Eight

Kagome sighed and reluctantly set down her pencil and closed the textbook she had been reading from. She could hear the soft patter of rain against the roof of the house, and wondered where Inuyasha was. Had he gone back to the feudal era, or was he still lurking somewhere on the shrine grounds?

When he'd showed up, two days ago and only hours after she herself had arrived, she had nearly lost it. She needed time to think, to work out her worries, and, perhaps most importantly, to study. She did have a test coming up, after all. But when Souta had accidentally blabbed that she did not need the full seven days she had insisted on…

One thing had, of course, led to another. Inuyasha had lost his temper, and, having put up with him for two whole days when what she really wanted was to be left alone, she had yelled right back. He had fled the house, and she had no real way of knowing where he might have gone.

She groaned. I can't take it anymore!

Shoving the textbook and notes away from her, she stood up. Her legs shook for a moment, unsteady after hours of sitting, but she took off down the stairs as quickly as she could. She fairly flew down the stairs, round the corner, through the kitchen, and out the back door. She did not even bother to grab an umbrella on her way out.

Somehow, she knew where she would find him.

She spoke his name from the base of the Goshinboku and knew that he heard her. No matter how angry he got, it seemed she could always find him back where their journey had begun. Instinct had not steered her wrong yet. If she squinted upward through the rain, she could see the faint glint of golden eyes looking back from far overhead.

"Inuyasha," she repeated, "I'm sorry."

He looked away.

"Inuyasha," she said again, more urgently this time. It had been pleasantly chilly during the day, but now that the sun had set and it was pouring rain it was downright cold. She did not want to stay outside any longer than she had to, and she definitely did not want him to stay out in the cold by himself. "Please come down from there and come inside with me. I'm sorry."

She stayed put, staring up into the tree and hoping for any sign of the hanyou for a long time. And for a long time there was nothing. No sound, not the slightest hint of movement.

She wondered for a second if she should just give up and go inside and let him brood in the tree after all, and then there was a flash of red in the dark and Inuyasha landed softly beside her. It was uncanny, the way he could jump like that. And yet, it was so very much a part of who he was that she almost smiled at the sudden entrance.

"Look, Inuyasha… I – I'm sorry I told you to leave me alone. I didn't mean for you to have to stay out here by yourself," she gushed, guilt forcing her onward in a rush. "It's just that I really need to study for this test and –" She stopped abruptly. The look on his face showed more hurt than usual. "Inuyasha…"

"Kagome." His voice held little of its customary anger and bluster. Instead, she heard… loneliness.

"Inuyasha, what's wrong?" I apologized for yelling at him earlier…

"What did I do?"

Kagome frowned. He looked almost like a hurt puppy. As much as a rough-around-the-edges hanyou that killed demons for a living could look like a hurt puppy. "Well when I need to study, I have to be able to focus on my schoolwork…" She trailed off uncertainly.

"Keh, never mind. Forget I said anything," he grumbled, taking off toward the well house.

"No, wait!" She caught one of his hands in both of hers, had enough time to feel the roughness of calluses, the hardness of his claws as he almost, but not quite, slipped through her grip. His hands were cold and wet from being out in the rain. "Please, tell me what's wrong."

He refused to look at her, and muttered something so quietly that she almost did not hear. "I never shoulda listened to that damn monk."

"Wait, this is because of something Miroku said?"

The wind gusted strongly; instinctively she dropped his hand and hugged her arms close to her chest, shivering.

When she looked up again, Inuyasha had closed the gap between them, standing just inches from her. He was so close she could feel the heat radiating off of him, even after he had been out in this horrible weather for hours. Determined to get to the bottom of this, she glared up at him even though she wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around him and hold him close.

"What did Miroku say that got you this worked up?" she demanded, as sternly as she could through her slight trembling.

She searched his eyes, and her expression softened.

He looked away.

"Just tell me." Without even thinking about it, her hands stroked along his arm, finding one hand and cupping it between the both of hers.

"The idiot said I must've done something to make you not want to be with me anymore," he said, finally.

With those words, Kagome felt as if her heart had shattered into a million pieces. And then rage bubbled up from somewhere deep inside, a place within her that she had never really thought could exist. "What?!"

When he finally dared look at her again, she could see his thoughts in his eyes. He wanted to know what he had done to push her away. She stared at him, unable to look away; she vaguely remembered a conversation she had had with Sango, before returning to her own time. She had told Sango a little bit of what she felt, of how she was worried. And…

Her shoulders slumped, just a little.

She had started doubting him, out of nowhere, and for no reason that she could recall, beyond her own fears and lack of confidence. Was that what came between us, all of a sudden?

She wanted to kick herself. Or – something. How could she have been so stupid?

She blinked, realizing that his expression had shifted more to worry than hurt and confusion. "Oh, Inuyasha… It's nothing you did," she said, sighing softly. She tightened her grip on his hand, suddenly not wanting to let go.

"I've just been worried about my tests," she continued, getting a better grip on her composure with every word. It might not be the whole truth, but she felt as if things were heading in the right direction, at last.

He was still looking at her, with doubt in those golden eyes of his.

"Come on," she urged. "Let's go inside. I'll even make you some ramen, if you want."

One of Inuyasha's ears twitched. "Keh. Fine. You'll freeze to death if we stay out in this much longer."

Kagome smiled. Underneath his disparaging response, she knew that he was just as eager to make things right as she was. Maybe she could take a break from studying after all, just for a little bit…

-----

Sango had a lot to think about as she and Kirara headed out of the village, following the demon's trail as best as they could. Their first stop had been the lair where the demon had taken her to be bait in its trap; Sango had felt some trepidation about returning to the site, but now it seemed to merely be a hole in the ground with some small adjoining tunnels. Dusty, dim, and empty.

All of the tunnels had ended in dead-ends, but Sango had followed the most prominent tunnel, the one where she and Miroku had found the demon's tree stump origin, and had traced its path again on the surface. She decided that they should head in the direction that tunnel had been pointing. If there was something else behind this, she felt that she would find it by heading that way.

Wracking her brain for knowledge about plant demons, she had to surmise that any roots such a demon put out could sprout new demons, which meant they would radiate outward from a central point. That central point was what she was hoping to find.

She hardly expected to find anything on this first exploratory outing aside from a few vague clues, but it gave her an excuse to get away from Miroku and an opportunity to think things through. She did not know what she had been thinking when she had chosen to meet him in the forest; but then again, it had not turned out all that bad. She had actually felt good when she woke up. It felt almost as if a burden had been lifted.

It was a relief, almost, to know that Miroku knew she was upset, and wanted to stand by her and see her through the rough times, even if she was still having knee-jerk reactions to compromising situations. Such behavior should have been unacceptable at this point, but he was being remarkably patient about it. She realized ruefully that she still owed him an apology for overreacting like that, never mind that he seemed determined to prevent her from doing so.

She slowed her pace, scuffing her feet in the leaf litter underfoot. The day had started brightly enough, but things had gotten murkier and murkier since she left the village. Kirara paused and glanced at her worriedly.

She did not really know what she had been expecting to find, coming out here so early and on her own, but she had been walking for quite some time and still had nothing to show for her effort. There was not even so much as a hint that anything might be amiss. Perhaps she had been wrong in her assumption that she would find another demon; maybe she should have done a more thorough search of the demon's lair.

The demon's lair. The very thought of the place sent shivers down her spine. She had already ventured down there once today, and though she was loathe to admit it, she had not investigated it as well as she should have because she had wanted desperately to get out. She knew she would eventually have to face her fears and go back, but she did not want to.

"Kirara," she murmured, coming to a stop and running a hand over the demon's head. Kirara nuzzled her head comfortingly against the slayer's hand.

I'm going about this all wrong, trying to go a dozen different ways at once… This is not how I was taught…

Sango sighed. "Come on, Kirara. We're not going to find anything like this. We need to go back and start over." She did not sound particularly determined, even to herself. She drew herself up, straightened her shoulders, and set off toward the village.

I failed once. I cannot fail again.

She knew this was a dangerous line of thought, and struggled to find something else to focus on; her fingers closed in a vise-like grip around a fistful of Kirara's fur. The ever-patient feline made a soft rumbling sound but did not otherwise object to being treated so carelessly.

Her feet moved more slowly than perhaps they should have; she knew she needed to go back and start her investigation anew, but she did not think she was ready to face Miroku yet. It had been liberating, in some ways, to let her guard down and show him her fears. But at the same time she was unsure how to react to him now, when she had shown how vulnerable she could be. She was a demon slayer, and it would be most improper for a demon slayer to show her weaknesses.

Still, she could not think that what she had done was so bad. It was no different, she thought, from the times she had comforted Kohaku after a particularly bad dream.

But it was different.

She blushed, remembering the feeling of waking up in Miroku's arms. She could not recall a time in the past where she had felt so safe and warm – she was the one who was supposed to defend, not be protected. But she had felt embarrassed too, and glad that he was still sleeping, when she began to notice the way his body responded to being so near to her. True, she had known that he desired her, but knowing it and knowing it were two very different things. What had been a vague sense that he was as attracted to her as she to him had suddenly coalesced into actual knowledge of that fact.

Her mind drifted back to an incident she had tried to forget, something she had the strange sensation of having not remembered until this very moment... and not just because it was embarrassing to think of, but because the idea of it was so very alluring.

It had happened on the morning of their encounter with the demon; Sango had woken to the sound of Inuyasha's grumbling, only to find that there was no sign of Miroku and that Kagome was still sleeping. After rousing her friend she had gone into the forest to dress for the day; at the time she had a feeling that it would be best to wear her demon slayer's armor rather than her kosode.

In the quest for privacy she had headed into the forest and away from potential prying eyes. She had dressed quickly, but had not make her way back to camp immediately.

Instead, she had wandered closer and closer to the stream, almost as if compelled by an invisible force; she refused to speculate as to whether it had been curiosity alone or something more. Inuyasha had said that Miroku had gone for water, but there had been no sign of him. That was when her curiosity – and the slightest bit of worry – had kicked in. She had followed the stream for a short while when she caught sight of him through the undergrowth.

He had been…

Oh, gods. She shuddered, her rebellious body fairly trembling at the memory.

He had been masturbating. The very thought of it was mortifying. Arousing.

No wonder he had wandered farther than necessary. He must have wanted some privacy, and she…

She had been unable look away.

She had watched in rapt, mute fascination, as he drew his hand up and down along his exposed length; her eyes had widened ever so slightly as she watched him come, groaning with his release. It had not been enough – she had wanted more.

She had wanted to hear him say her name.

And then, realizing the situation she was in, she had skittered off into the forest and back to camp as quickly as she could. She had been positive that she would trip and fall, or make some minute noise and alert him to her presence, but so far as she could tell she had done no such thing. Luck had been on her side, and she had made it back to camp before him, and with no one the wiser.

But the thought of it had refused to leave her mind, even when she focused all of her energy on not blushing bright red and on pretending she had seen nothing out of the ordinary. She told herself that it might not have had anything to do with her. The problem was that she wanted it to have everything to do with her. She had never felt so wanton, except, maybe, in thinking about it now.

She itched to touch herself.

GIVE IN.

That voice stopped her in her tracks and chilled her to the bone. She had heard it before... in her nightmares and, she recalled, after she had found herself in the demon's lair. And, this close, it was haunting her again.

No, I won't, she thought, and repeated it over and over in her mind. You're dead. Whatever it is you want me to do now, I'm not going to do it.

It almost helped to think like that. The last thing she needed right now was another distraction, least of all one that had to do with Miroku. Things had been awkward enough between them lately. There was no need to make it worse.

Still, something about whole it nagged at her. The memory had sparked something else within her, but she could not quite put her finger on what it was. Shaking her head, she kept walking.

Realizing that they were quite close to the village by now, she slowed her pace and let her fingers tangle in Kirara's fur. She wasn't ready to go back just yet.

She was sure that there was something else. Something she needed to remember, maybe.

She opened her mouth to speak, though she forgot what she had intended to say for at that moment she was suddenly overwhelmed by intense pain and… what felt like a memory. "Nggh," she ground out, her body going rigid. She was aware of Kirara turning to stare balefully at her before everything was lost amidst flashes of light…

Herself - naked. Her body heated, burning with need.

Moving -

Beneath someone - him. Miroku.

Pulling him to her, begging, pleading, needing –

Feeling the demon within her blood, hearing its silent laughter echoing in her ears, and with no choice -

No choice…

And she - she had stopped resisting long ago.

She cried out some wordless sound, and at the same time tears burst from her eyes. The sudden sensation of hot fluid dripping down her cheeks was enough to break her out of the spell.

It felt like a nightmare, but she was not sleeping; an unwanted memory, surging beneath the surface. She shook her head to clear it, but still felt unsteady. Already, the tears were gone, banished by fear and horror. She was breathing heavily and her knees felt shaky, her whole body pulsing from the strength of the memory.

It might have been pleasant; it horrified her, even as her body yearned for it.

What had she done, under the demon's control? What might she have done that she still could not remember? Had she no honor left?

She dropped to her knees, realizing belatedly that Kirara had moved to support her. She buried her face against the firecat's shoulder. The last vestiges were fading now, but she could not help but think…

The way the demon had preyed upon her, the way it had captured her so easily and bent her to its will…

"Was it because of the way I feel… about him?" she wondered aloud, her voice muffled by thick fur. "Is that how… why… it took control of me?" She had always felt safe telling her secrets to Kirara, and this was no exception; the cat demon simply looked at her with deep, red eyes, and said nothing.

Sango sighed and gave the cat a quick hug. She glanced around surreptitiously; there was no one in sight. No one had seen. She gnawed her lower lip, clambered to her feet, and made it a few steps without falling.

Gaining confidence, she kept going, her legs moving faster and faster; Kirara followed somewhat more sedately, but always keeping an eye on her companion.

Sango knew she was running away from the memories, wanted to get away, needed a moment's peace and some time to think – and no more distractions.

Such was not to be.

She paused, annoyed, at the outskirts of the village and watched as Miroku caught sight of her and headed her way.

-----

Miroku woke with a start. He was cold and stiff and most definitely alone. He did not even remember falling asleep, just holding Sango while she cried herself to sleep.

There had been no dreams, no fears or nightmares… just Sango and comforting darkness. He felt more rested than he had in ages.

It was light now, the morning fog already long gone.

But some time during the night, Sango had disappeared. She had even taken the time to wrap his kesa back around him like a blanket. He wondered if she had gone back to the village, and why she had not thought to wake him.

He would have much preferred waking up with Sango in his arms. Then again, that might be too much temptation for a poor monk to handle…

He briefly imagined coupling with her here, in the cold and open air, the way her body would react to his, to the chill...

His morning erection twitched, demanding his attention. Miroku sighed. Perhaps it was for the best that she was gone already. He had few doubts as to how she would react if she knew the effect she had on him – embarrassment, undoubtedly. A response in kind, perhaps… If he was lucky. He knew better than to dwell on that particular subject.

He shoved himself upright and wrapped the kesa back around him as was proper, tying it with fingers stiff from cold. He grabbed his staff from where he had stashed it the previous night and focused on inner calm, willing his blood to cease its tumultuous rushing and his arousal to cool. Ordinarily he would have gladly taken advantage of time to himself, but the morning chill made the thought of self-gratification somewhat less gratifying. Besides, he had more important things to do, like finding Sango.

He was glad that she seemed to be coming around, even if it was happening more slowly than he would have liked, but he was not entirely sure it was a good idea for her to wander off on her own. As far as he was concerned it was for the best that they stick together and get to the bottom of the mess they had gotten themselves into - and not just because he enjoyed being in close proximity to her.

They had been caught easily last time, despite Sango's insistence that it was all her fault, and neither of them had any real clue what was going on. He did not want to be trapped again, and he would die before letting another demon take control of Sango like that. All of which would have been much easier if he knew what to look for and where he might find it.

He set a brisk pace and found himself back at the village altogether too quickly; at least anger and his focus on finding Sango had quelled his arousal, for now. His placid façade was back in place as soon as he entered the village, smiling and making small talk with the grateful citizens as he headed toward the inn.

He had been hoping to find Sango there, but their room was empty. He chose to take it as a good sign that Kirara was missing. The only reason the cat demon would have disappeared would be to keep an eye on Sango. Which was all well and good, but left him with no clue as to where they might be.

He allowed himself a moment of frustration before heading back into the village. If it came down to it, he would ask the villagers if anyone had seen either of his companions, but for now he was content to search on his own. Even as he told himself that he had no idea where to start looking, he knew where he had best start.

The demon's lair had been the start of the problem - and was where his dreams kept taking him - so he had little doubt that Sango would want to investigate it. What he did not know was whether or not she would do so without him. Nevertheless, he found himself walking in that direction when his question was answered for him.

Sango, looking somewhat distraught, appeared out of the forest with Kirara at her side.

Smiling at last, Miroku made his way toward them, his expression darkening as he noticed the look on her face. Had she been crying?