InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ If You Are Not The One ❯ Things No Longer Kept a Hold of Interest ( Chapter 19 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

IF YOU ARE NOT THE ONE

Chapter Nineteen: Things No Longer Kept a Hold of Interest…

Hi there! This is Kik Takahashi. Please press one for hospital emergencies if you are a doctor. Otherwise, or Mr. Takahashi, leave a message after the beep and I'll make sure to call back as soon as possible. Aishiteru…

…Beep…

Okay, so it turns out my dimwit for a physiatrist feels I need a new technique…hmmn, I wonder what gave her that idea…(smiles)…What a nut job, it's funny though how I still can't seem to fire her for some reason, so I figured she must be doing something right. Anyway, she recommended that I leave a message on your cell phone; I guess she finally figured out that those letters weren't working. Talk about a stupid idea. I have a feeling though, that Sango must have mentioned to her that I still keep your cell under my mattress. I couldn't find anywhere safe from Shippo in the apartment. If he knew he'd think I'm going insane not that he doesn't already… (Sighs)

…Alright so, here it goes…

…Babe, I-I hope you're okay wherever it is that you are. I'm alright too…though sometimes it`s hard to say. I tell myself things have to change, they can`t continue like this. Miroku got upset the other day saying that I am not like his friend anymore…whatever that meant. I've tried to keep calm and precautious, but you know me, I'm as hotheaded as dad, and stubborn as Sess no matter how hard it is to admit we have something in common. (Frowns but then chuckles)…Don't tell Rin I just said that.

….Anyhow, I still can't explain to myself why things were different when you were around. I'm sick of it, it's like a puzzle with missing pieces and you know how much I hated doing those with you. And then when I reminisce on what could have been, my fucking head hurts just thinking about it. (sighs)…I-I see you all the time you know…even when I don't want you around, people all of a sudden seem to be you…(clears throat) I-I can't damn it, and Buddha knows how hard I've tried, but I still can't get you out of my head. In my mind, you're like an addiction, because no matter how hard I try I can't stop thinking of you. And without knowing I look for you, desperate in every aspect that I can.

Umm…Shippo misses you too; he says that people tell him that I'm not a good guardian for him. And no, I don't want you to think that I don't care or that I'm tired of having him around; for god's sake, we're both practically orphans. Besides, you know I couldn't get rid of that kid so easily. All I'm saying is that, I'm merely thinking of finding a new home for him, someone who will take better care of him than I do…Alright, I know this sounds stupid but do you remember how you said once that you wanted to rebuilt that hospital. The one abandoned on Avenue Six, well to tell you the truth I never got a chance to finish working on it like I promised you. I guess you could say, the day you left, things no longer kept a hold of interest and others stop making sense. Sometimes for some stupid reason I awake and remember you at the crack of dawn, you always woke up early before you went to work.

…(Smiles for a moment as if remembering) That mirror, the one you hung on the bedroom wall doesn't lie you know, I look different since you left. I was someone else when you were around. And it's hard you know, hoping you'd reenter my life through our bedroom door, a fucking window for all I care. Just as long as you came back…I don't know where you are…but I think that if you would have stayed things would have been like they were before. The freakin' rhythm of life seems the same if you ask me. Over and over, same fucking shit just another different day. It's like I'm living in the past, nowadays time doesn't seem to go any slower.

You always understood the side of me no one else did, even things I never got around to understand myself. I have to admit, you always knew me better than I knew myself, and you had a way to explaining things too. There are times I feel like everything will collapse any minute now, wish you were here to prevent them from falling. There are times I feel good, times when I'm okay and it seems that I'll make it. But all of a sudden I feel confused, I'm doing things I don't normally do and I feel more suffocated than before. My pride won't show it, but I try to make things look better than they appear, for my sake or at least what`s left of it…just…Well, I just thought there were things that perhaps you should know… (Sighs one last time)

…thanks for listening Kikyou.

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN INUYASHA AND CO. I REPEAT...THEY DO NOT BELONG TO ME WHATSOEVER, ONLY TO THE VERY TALENTED MISS RUMIKO TAKAHASHI.

A/N: We all know now about Kagome and her troubled love life. And I know it's short but it is an introduction into Inuyasha's closed-up mind. I just thought that a change of view would do some good on further understanding who he really is. Anyway thanks for reading and I'll update soon!

-IYLOVER4EVER