InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Iiya Motto Moshiyou (No More Words) ❯ Chapter One: Demons Of The Past ( Chapter 1 )

A/N:

 

Thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews on the last chapter! I am flattered! ; ) I am a new author to this particular pairing… although it is my favorite. The other experiences I have had with writing fan fiction has all been in KagSess… the dreaded pairing from hell. I am such a hypocrite though… KagSess… was like… the only thing I wrote… even though I hated it. It is all because I love the site format of A Single Spark… and I love the reviewers there! Always so kind, and open… and I love the way that I get reviews in my e-mail inbox! Makes things soooo simple…! Haha!

 

Moving on…

 

For the reviewers on Fanfiction.net:

 

Erm… alright, I am going to reply to those of you that have asked questions so far, and to the rest of you, all of your reviews are GREATLY APPRECIATED! ;)

 

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Freaky Krazer: No, I am not Japanese, I am part Mongolian and I live in the United States, but my Mongolian bloodlines are not running very heavily through me, so… I regret to say, I don't look Asian either! ;)

 

As far as Gozen… yes, I understand that it means morning, but, it IS the morning in this scenario! ;) Thank you for your input though! ;) (I do speak some Japanese, just so that all of you don't think I am writing gibberish! :)

 

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Wolf-Inu-Yasha1235: No! truly you misunderstand me! I appreciated your critique, because it made me re-think a few things! Haha! ;) You thinking that what I wrote sucked, just basically let me know that you are a refined reader, and that I need to refine my writing! Thanks! :)

 

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Sesshoumarubride: Thank-you for that! ;) I appreciate the fact that you truly are enjoying this! I write on 50/50 parts… one half is for self enjoyment in jotting down my thoughts, and the other half is sincere love of pleasing other people by the odd thoughts, and quirks of my mind! ;)

 

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Firestorm-244: I think I fixed the problem. I switched the stuff on my profile around so that visitors can review just the same! ;) Yayness for me! Haha! And as far as the beta-reader thing goes… I am lacking in people who like the Rin/Sess romantic pairing, unfortunately. Would anyone be interested in beta-ing for me? I would really love a volunteer! And—you get to read everything FIRST, along with me telling you all kinds of ideas that I have, and whoever becomes my beta can place input into the fiction as well! Multiple betas would be awesome, actually. :) Haha!

 

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Aura-serenity4: Aw! Well, I appreciate it! Just so that I understand… what do you mean by `dry'? I am desperately trying to improve… but, I think Anton Chekhov's writing style is rubbing off on me… *oh sigh…* LOL! ;)

 

 

 

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For the reviewers on Mediaminer:

 

WOW! Thank-you ever so much! I thought that I would never get the first review there, but you have come through for me! Thank you! ;)

 

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Thank you to all that reviewed, and I hope that this chapter is NOT a let down! :)

 

 

 

Anyway… so here I am again… back on with another chapter! wink, wink!

 

—S. I.

 

 

 

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Iiya Motto Moshiyou: No More Words

Chapter One - Demons Of The Past

 

 

 

“With desire, the world is tied down. With the subduing of desire, it is freed.

With the abandoning of desire… all bonds are cut through.”

—Iccha Sutta

 

 

 

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She breathed in deeply… inhaling everything. She could almost sense his power from his overwhelming scent. It was dark, and strong… powerful, and somehow… weak. It was if though he was somehow deeply distressed in some way or another… and to her, it was a refreshing breath to take in of. Oh… how she loved him…! Even after all the years of knowing that he hated her. Hated her very kind. Hated her very existence. She was nothing more than a `thing'. She was not real to him… not something considered to have… `feeling…' but… she had feeling. And… there was nothing more pleasant than `feeling' him embracing her so strongly in his arms… and all the pleasant memories she had and the memory…`—Rin… leave now!—don't ask any questions! Go! Never return!'… It was all too real.

 

She struggled against him, and her heart sunk at his expression of turmoil, and misunderstandings. The only thing that she could utter was… “No…” He looked at her confused… perplexed… beside himself. What? “No…” she repeated. “…This can never be—you and I. You hate me… need I remind you, and you would have killed me, had I dared seek your face again. You told me… NEVER to return again…! These things have not left me… I shall always remember.” She said in a shaky voice, that barely held back her tears. Covering her face with her fan, she tried to walk past him… dismiss him… forget him.

 

He would not be forgotten quite so easily though. “Rin…” No, she thought. No. “Rin… listen to me…” No. I will not listen. I can't. “Rin… listen to me… you must understand what has happened…” No… I don't want to hear anymore—everything has already been hard enough…! She tried to ignore him. She had managed to walk past him… and he didn't so much as try to stop her… but, he was clearly at loss over what to do. She could hear his footsteps following her close behind, as she ran through the forest, along the cobblestone path. If only she could reach the gates before he dared catch her again… she could force him into leaving… if she could warn Heikeia-hime… then the Hime could send the gunryou after him. Perhaps he would leave her to be. She was dying inside as long as she saw that he was there. He was killing her.

 

Didn't he know what he was doing—by following her? By calling her, and trying uselessly to explain everything that could not be explained? He never was the kind to be very open with words. He never dared say any more than was the most level of necessary—but now—he was trying uselessly to explain to her… didn't he know that her heart was no more penetratable than that of a stone? Everything she had once been was no more. She was now a Lady. It was her responsibility to care for her people… and to make certain that Lady Heikeia-hime was served to the utmost best of her own personal capabilities. Lady Heikeia would die soon… she was infected with a most highly fatal disease… not to mention entirely contagious. Even she herself was at risk of catching such a thing… but, her Lady remained in her quarters most of the time. Only she, herself—and Lady Heikeia's most trusted, and honorable lady in waiting, Aki-san, was allowed into the presence of her chambers, from fear of contamination.

 

She herself, had learned to play the bamboo flute, for the amusement of Lady Heikeia-hime… her Mother. She had been raised for four years by the woman, and the greater portion of her heart was bound within them to the woman that had taken her in as her own from nothing. In that way—Heikeia-hime, and Sesshoumaru-sama where very similar. They had both taken her in from nothing—and made her into something—except, the difference was, Lady Heikeia could accept her for her mortality, and would not turn her away… whereas Sesshoumaru-sama already had done such things. They where different, and alike at the very same. Lady Heikeia was very young still, and could have lived another twenty years, where she not plagued by her disease. Lady Heikeia had only recently been declared twenty and seven… whereas she herself—was ten and nine. Aki-san was older than Lady Heikeia, but she was the most respectful, and loyal of all the ladies. In the eyes of Heikeia-hime, Aki-san was her dearest sister, and for that reason alone… Rin could offer her nothing but the same affection.

 

And yet… he still followed, calling her name with the slightest tone of desperation. He didn't force her to acknowledge him… but, it was evident—her lack of response had indeed effected him. He was desperate. Her heart cried out to answer him… but, she knew what would come of it. Sorrow… longing… desperation… and further tragedy. There had already been so much—and her heart was not strong enough for more. Kami… she wished that he had died long ago. She wished SHE had died long ago... in those eerie woods, surrounding her village. Had the wolves killed her, and had she have never dared find that demon, drained of all strength—leaning against the tree… unnourished, and weak… vicious, and yet understanding. Where they at all so very different? No… they where very much the same.

 

They where both without the love, and compassion that was so rightfully within what they deserved. They had been stripped of everything that their hearts longed for. But, when he had given her everything she desired…he had taken it from her. There where no more fantasies of wandering the world over—venturing to the continent, and ruling along side him as he conquered Yashima, and Nicchuukan'etsu. Lord Sesshoumaru would undoubtedly manage to do just that without her. What was she really there for, anyhow? He had indeed done her a favor by sending her away. She had found all of THIS. Lady Heikeia-hime, and Lady Aki-san… and now she, herself was a Hime, and a holder of great power, wealth, and not to mention, her high-esteemed influence that she held.

 

“Please Leave, Wagakimi…” she whispered sadly as she ran. He would hear her… “…please my Lord… let me alone.” No… she didn't want that—not really. Not after embracing him like that. It was too much. Everything she had ever wanted was waiting… but, no. She DID want that. He HAD to go. Memories of the past where a thing to be forgotten. Idle memoirs where something to be burned. Tear the pages away, and they will be gone. But… wait, what DID happen to the pages once they where torn, and tossed into the wind? They do not cease to exist, simply in that moment for the reason of being dismissed… but, in truth—the truth is: there would be someone else there to collect the pages. But… those where her pages. She didn't want someone else to have her pages. The memories that she held where for her alone. It was hers to keep. She didn't want Sesshoumaru to leave. He was hers… just as where the pages, and the memories… the memoirs. She wanted like everything to simply turn around, and to clutch to him forever.

 

He was everything that she had wanted forever… and she was dismissing it. No… ordering it to disappear. To leave. Soon her pages would come to an end. Soon the paper would become dampened by the tears of regret, and they would wash away the words of ink. Life was short and frail. What would it matter if she did not want to continue this dynasty for Heikeia-sama? Perhaps… perhaps there was really a different purpose into which her life could serve. Perhaps… no. Her fate was sealed. It was all sealed when he wanted her to go. She could learn to forgive… but, never could she forget. The pain that she had felt at that moment… she still suffered through. It was agonizing anguish that bled through her heart like poisoned needles. Toukaidou is was now her home. Life lived by barefooted female children, who aimlessly, and blindly followed a ruthless youkai Lord, was something of the past.

 

He would not have recognized her… with her delicately colored lips, finely perfumed, dark hair, to her lavishly seamed, and embroidered silks, nor the skilled crafting of her wooden soled kutsu. It was by mere scent that she was known to him. There was nothing the same. Her blood felt too warm for her veins. Her skin felt as if it where melting away from the bone, and right as her fingers wrapped themselves around the wooden handle of the gate entrance—she paused, and turned to face him. He stilled, merely one step from her. And he wanted so desperately to close in on that step—like he had done only moments ago, when she spoke— “Lord Sesshoumaru… tell me now, why did you come?” and through she expected the answer to never arise to the tip of his tongue— he spoke. “I came because I had to. I came because I wanted to. I came because it is time.” She wanted to speak to him—to ask him what was time… but, the words would never arise… and he had already vanished, receding into from which he had come.

 

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She walked slowly through the halls of the shiro. Her eyes where hollow, and she appeared as if caught in the snares of a trance. Her hair had fallen from it's combs, and fell over her shoulders, and drug on the floor as she stepped. The sounds of her geta clicked on the polished floors as she drift toward her Lady's room.

 

Lifelessly she lifted her frail arm, and knocked her fist into the wall adjacent to the thin paper, and bamboo shouji. “..Mother…, My-my Lady…?” she asked quietly, hearing a cough from behind. “..Is that you, Rin?” a somewhat strained voice asked, calling to her. “Yes..”, “Aa. Well, please…” “…please do come in. There is no need for ceremony, Rin. You know that.” The answer came quietly. “Hn.” She said with a smile dancing across her lips, as she hung her head in a lull amusement. She gently slid past the screen, and entered into Lady Heikeia's uncharacteristically darkened chambers.

 

A single wick, burning in a lantern, with it's vat of remaining oil, was the only source of light. The drapes where drawn tightly closed, and it was difficult to see clearly through the space. “Rin, I must speak with you—I am glad you came. I was considering… considering sending Lady Aki, out after you—but, she reminded me of the departure of Lady Takenara, and I so did not wish for you to be unsatisfied with the remaining hours that you where able to spend in her presence, but—for this, I make amends. I shall be honored to allow you in visiting to her—at your own whim, or fancy!—erm, with an escort, of course… but, to the point—“ she managed to breath out quickly, with a racking cough at the end, “—I believe that it is about time that I announce officially your standings as the new Hime-sama, and Mistress, but… alas, I shall have Aki-san annunciate my final wishes in this manor, as I am too weak to lift myself. I do believe that this ILLNESS has increased over the last hour.” She added.

 

Rin's heart twisted painfully in her chest. If her lady was to pass on to the next realm, then—she herself would be left as the lady of the shiro… and, it was an altogether frightening thought—even thought she had already yet determined that she would not abandon her responsibility to a woman nor the people, who had given her so much. They had asked so little of her… and as lady, she would be truly a powerful figure. But, her true reasons in coming to her Mother where more centered in the direction of her need to discuss Sesshoumaru, this was simply not something expected to be the subject discussed.

 

“…My Lady… my, Mother… I am speechless at your declaration, but please do try to withstand this! I—I am not ready yet to care over Toukaidou as do you,” she whispered somewhat apprehensive. Her lady frowned. “Do you think all can wait until one is ready? The moon will not rise into the noon sky simply because one is ready, and the sun will not set a minute later, nor rise a minute sooner, simply because one is ready.” “Do not be a fool and assume such things are possible in other circumstances. There is a time in which everything must happen, and in this everlasting evolution in which things will occur… no one is ever ready. Rin…, if anyone could ever be capable of readying themselves for such things… I have not the slightest doubt that it would be you. Do not fear yourself… the inevitable, nor fate at destiny's path. It all leads to the right place in it's own time.” Rin closed her eyes in reflection, allowing her Lady's words to sink in to their fullest.

 

She is right… I can not depend upon someone forever… but then again, it will be so hollow without that luxury. It has always been there, hasn't it…?

 

It was a sobering thought. Yes… there was once a man… a man that allowed her everything. Whether be comfort, or security… and assurance. She had never been without such things before… was she being a fool to assume that all would remain as it was forever? Could she really accept everything as it came—without the slightest preparations for her readiness? Would her lady Heikeia really pass on so soon? Would the only Mother she possessed in clear recollection be taken from her like this? In such a violent manor…

 

“No—my lady, please—!” she concluded in a broken cry. “…please do not leave me,” the flame flickered across the vat, and the single light gently played across the shadows of her lamented face. “I don't know what I would do… what I would—become,” she shook her head in vague apprehension… “with lady Takenara so soon to be gone—she is the only one that truly knows… my darkest moments of the heart, and what I feel—it's so much. What—what is to become of me, without you?” Her face became desperate, and Lady Heikeia's composed façade diminished into bitter sorrow, and a tragic look of helplessness. “Really—there is nothing I can do now, Rin! If really there was—I would have already! I have had a healer come, and even a sorceress has come in an attempt to create a life-giving elixir… but, there is no way—I am—afraid, that… this illness in which I possess has taken the strength out of me—but the gods have allowed me to know—it now resides in you! Your soul will guide you through this! Use my strength while I am without! I give it to you—Hime-sama…”

 

Lady Heikeia sighed long and sadly. Her strength lost from her, and her voice gone. Rin bowed her head, and cried silently. Aki-san grasped her firmly by the shoulders, and whispered into her ear… “Surely you must have known this would happen one day, my Lady. She has been so weak—this illness has destroyed her. It will take you too, unless you are removed from these chambers—I urge you to hasten in your departure! You must leave the shiro in good time for the disease to pass… or else—“ the words began to fade from her mind, and the room fell silent to her ears. Leave lady Heikeia? Never. She could never leave. Never. She would stay by her Lady's side forever. Just as she had promised to stay by his side forever… this promise she must keep to her Lady. Her Mother.

 

Aki-san shook her again roughly by her shoulders… “…my Lady, have you been listening? Oh my Lady, are you feeling quite well? I must get you to a clean location… I do believe this illness has gotten to your weak body already. Oh, gods…”

 

It wasn't the truth—it wasn't. Everything was happening so fast… too fast. She hadn't time to keep up with them… please don't leave me behind… not enough time to make everything right. Everything was yet to be certain—she was not yet ready! Her lady did not know of her defilation… of her fatal sin which she had committed against Buddha, and Toukaidou. They didn't know of him. That she was loved by him. The great son of the Dog General… Sesshoumaru. Only she knew… and she would be gone soon. Then everything was lost. All her truest secrets… all of her heart loves. All of everything that mattered—it was leaving her.

 

Was it all ever to return?

 

Could life be prolonged, even if through death? Perhaps… Buddha did mention reincarnations, and it was a strong belief among the religion. The Dalai Lama had made it quite clear that life was indeed prolonged far after the mortality of death. There was no mortality. All would live, even if only by living in death. Her Lady would never reach the end… she would be the spirit to guide her through the darkness… she would guide her through the depths and sorrows of her heart—though it be torn…

 

He was tearing apart her very heart from her chest. He was doing this to her. All for what, though? For the dark satisfaction that he knew what it was doing her weakened soul? Her body was so very frail now… and it was probably true—her contact with Lady Heikeia was most likely putting her to the edge of her withstanding it. It was slowly getting to her… it would slowly eat her away. But, then she too could be what her Lady was to become—that specter—that apparition spirit that could dwell in the walls of this most ancient shiro… and she could drift with the wind, and watch him, as he drift through the centuries of time, as though he where lingering in a day. She too could linger forever in that day… she could be with him forever.

 

As well as her Lady.

 

Ah, the life in death seemed pleasant as a spring flower—it's petals enticing one to indulge into it's heady fragrance. So pleasant was the dream that came forth from it's heart—of a utopia awaiting. Her Shangri-La… was in—death? It wasn't always this way. It was once so very different. Everything had it's limitations—but before, she never would have recognized that this new revelation was so soon in it's coming. It was truly the revelation of those on the stairway to death. The land of the lost spirits, who dwelt forever in wonder… looking for that one thing that they had been missing for so long…

 

Searching…

 

…she didn't want to wait her life searching for what she knew it was she wanted so badly…

 

And there he was. He had finally come for her. He wanted—needed—her. And she wanted him to want—to need—her. And yet, she couldn't help the shaky, uneven breaths she drew in to her heaving chest, as Aki-san helped her to her chambers. She was leant against the shouji to catch her breath, as Aki-san parted from her, to pour her some warmed sake. She coughed, and slowly slid down the solid structure. Her body gave out in it's self, as Aki-san hummed gently to herself, warming the sake over the torrid, glowing red stones that had been pulled from the fire. She didn't notice the look of despair written clearly over her young Lady's face, as she sank to the floor. Her face was away from the sight—she did not know. Nor did the maidservant who sat quietly reading near the entrance of the chambers…

 

But—

 

To whom it did not go unnoticed by, was torn to shreds by the horrifying knowledge that was bestowed upon him… the knowledge only he was aware of… as the silver sheath at his hip pulsed violently, from the wake his angry tou, as it sensed the diminishing light from the soul of the girl it had sought out once before.

 

 

 

 

 

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End Of Chapter One…

 

 

 

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Glossary:

 

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yashima - ancient name for japan

 

nicchuukan'etsu - ancient name for china

 

ningen - human

 

oni - demon

 

wagakimi - my lord

 

youkai - ghost/apparition/specter

 

shiro - castle

 

kutsu - shoes

 

geta - japanese wooden clogs

 

gunryou - army/soldiers

 

tou - sword blade

 

toukaidou - the name of Lady Heikeia's lands/empire

 

 

 

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A/N:

 

Well, well… I wanted to address something; although Takahashi Rumiko herself has never precisely declared to all of us obsessed, and fanatical fans Sesshoumaru's exact age… in the manga, or the anime, I am reminded of a circumstance where Inuyasha expresses the fact that despite the fact he was pinned to Goshinboku for Fifty years… he is, in the Hanyou lifespan… (biological clock… whatever it is…) that he is really only the same age as Kagome… so, that means he is about 15. Now… assuming that Demons have a greater length in lifespan… Sesshoumaru is Older… but still, at the same time—nearly the same age. (This is explained on a Takahashi Rumiko approved source.) So… though, I digress… Sesshoumaru is approximately 19 years old… and this is also mentioned on sources such as Inuyashaworld.com… I do believe ; ) Which… by this point, would mean that Sesshoumaru is still yet fully matured, and by this theory—it proves that perhaps his actions are simply the normal signs of his male nature/instincts for his age.

 

Interesting thought, no? But none-the less… Nineteen, or a thousand… Sesshoumaru sure is the hottest (besides Takashi Honda…) isn't he?! LOL!

 

—S. I.

 

 

 

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2005. 09. 30 - 3,433 Words