InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Incomplete ❯ Chapter 40 ( Chapter 40 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

By: Langus

Happiness cannot bring back what anger has driven away. It was an ancient Japanese proverb, one Sesshomaru had never bothered to dwell on, but as his eyes searched the foliage below he found himself going over the words in his mind. Was it too late? When Rin stubbornly and insistently told him the truth of what'd happened to Kagome he could hardly contain his fury. The thought of that hanyou filth he called a brother forcing her against her will and impregnating her with a child she did not want, a child that rightfully should've been his, made his stomach churn.

In a wave of possessive jealousy his demon had risen up and demanded retribution. It would only be satisfied with the Inuyasha's destruction; it wanted his blood to run rivers into the earth. With his eyes blazing red, his fangs gnashing, and his claws already dripping acid he'd been a force to be reckoned with. It took both Jaken and Rin to soothe his beast into submission. Tearing Inuyasha limb from limb could wait they told him earnestly, for the time being Kagome had to be his first and only priority.

Now, as he rode majestically over the forests of the Western Lands atop a small gathering of clouds, he was overcome by an emotion so foreign to him he couldn't name it, but it was fear - chilling, haunting, unstoppable fear. While cautiously sniffing the air to track her scent, his sensitive nose had been invaded with a troubling scent - blood…Kagome's blood and lots of it. The dog demon growled aloud as he remembered his harsh words to her.

He hadn't given her a chance to explain, he hadn't wanted her to. The moment his eyes landed on her pregnant belly and Inuyasha's possessive arm around her waist he'd passed judgement upon her. Whore was the first word that'd come to his mind as he gazed at his mate in the arms of his brother. He winced inwardly now at the severity of the word. He was completely undeserving of her love. After months of being apart, endless empty days longing for her, lonely nights spent trying to remember her laugh, the soft touch of her skin or the smell of her hair, the first word that came to mind after seeing her was whore?

He should be castrated, disembowelled and his intestines hung from the rafters for decoration, yet there was no punishment suitable for darkest secret that lingered in his heart. The moment he'd seen her in Inuyasha's embrace he'd wanted to rake his claws through her soft body. He'd wanted revenge; he'd wanted her to feel pain to reflect the pain of betrayal in his heart at seeing her in his brothers' arms once more.

His lingering sentiment was all that'd saved her. Seeing her with a rounded stomach brought back bitter memories of times when he'd selfishly pictured her carrying his child. Even his white hot rage couldn't dispel those thoughts so he'd forced himself to walk away. As angry as he was in that moment, he couldn't bring himself to kill her. His claws refused to obey, perhaps realizing early what his brain took a moment to remember…he loved her and that made the constricted feeling within his chest all the more painful to endure.

Sesshomaru understood with a certain harsh clarity that the situation they were in was entirely his fault. He should've returned to Inuyasha's group to retrieve Rin immediately after leaving the Northern Lands, but instead he'd taken his time finishing the war he'd begun in the West. He told himself it was because he wanted to make things safer for Rin, that he needed to assert his power as ruler of the Western Lands once more, but truthfully he'd just wanted blood.

He blamed every member of the Northern Tribes for the death of his mate and made sure that each of them suffered for their transgressions. His former advisors as well had fallen beneath his claws. It wasn't until the grounds were stained with the blood of the slain and his pristine robes were crimson that he finally relented and accepted victory. He'd been so obsessed with revenge he hadn't even noticed Kagome's life force until Jaken appeared to inform him that she was, in fact, alive.

He remembered acutely how his heart had immediately leapt into his throat at the thought of being reunited with her. He'd already grieved for her in his own way, punished himself for not protecting her as he should have and killed those who'd dared to lay their hands upon her. His body had felt deflated and used but at this news a new life went surging through his veins. The relief that'd washed over him at discovering she was alive was like a cool breeze on a hot day. It was utterly indescribable yet completely perfect.

He'd ridden on a wave of euphoria and anticipation until the moment he arrived in the old Miko's village. Every shred of emotion he'd felt at the prospect of seeing her dissipated the moment they locked gazes. She was alive but her eyes were haunted and she was no longer his, or so he thought at the time. He quickly closed himself to her and the rest of the world, resenting her for making him so.

For a time he'd actually begun to feel again. She'd taught him how to love again, how to open himself up to experiences beyond his seemingly endless pursuit for power, victory and glory. She gave his life purpose and fulfillment and he could honestly say that the months they shared together had been the happiest he could remember. But seeing her made him want to forget all of it. She'd brought him more happiness than he'd felt in centuries, but it'd had its price.

Sesshomaru could smell the scent of her blood getting thicker on the air and it twisted another tight knot of worry in his gut. The bond they shared as mates, symbolized by the mark she bore on her shoulder, told him she wasn't dead, but there was no way to tell how long she would remain alive. The overwhelming coppery stench of her blood made his head swim as he landed within a small patch of thick forest. It was so thick on the air he could taste its bitter tang in the back of his throat. Its scent told him immediately of her fear and sorrow and he cursed himself for being the cause of it.

After a brief search he finally spotted her, curled up beneath a dense cluster of trees. Quickly drawing his Tokijin he spun around in a circle, his acute ears listening for signs of predators. After a tense moment he accepted that for the time being they were alone and hastily sheathed his sword at his hip. Lowing himself onto one knee in the soft grass Sesshomaru studied her unconscious form. Her skin had taken on the grey pallor reserved for those on the verge of death. Her legs and arms were scratched and gouged, along with her clothes, and she rested, like an island in a lake, atop a shimmering pool of her own blood.

With firm yet gentle movements he turned her onto her back so he could tend to her injuries, but there were none. No claw marks, no arrows imbedded into her body, no slash marks from another's sword…nothing. His brows knit together with confusion as his golden eyes studiously panned the length of her body, searching for the source of the blood licking at his toes. His eyes suddenly widened with comprehension as he stared hard at her small form. Cursing aloud, he hoisted her tiny frame into the crook of his arm.

He could feel the life blood seeping out of her and he was helpless to stop it. As if to mock his useless state, it trickled in a warm, sticky trail down his arm to land in a light pitter-patter of droplets upon the forest floor. Not wasting any time he darted through the trees, their green tips and brown trunks blurring past him in a sea of colour. He could hear the weakening pulse in her neck and the way her breaths had become shallow and slow. He was running out of time. He would lose her and this time it would be permanent.

When he reached the hut of the old miko named Kaede, Sesshomaru burst through her door intent on getting what he needed. Inuyasha stood up and gawked at the sight of his brother carrying Kagome's bloody body in his arm. The two locked gazes, fiery molten blazing into chestnut brown. Sesshomaru was livid with hatred at the sight of the man who'd defiled his mate. His body shook beneath his robes, but now was not the time to exact his revenge. By refusing to put her body down Sesshomaru was left defenceless when Inuyasha drew his sword.

The dog demon narrowed his eyes at his opponent but the old miko stepped in to stop the violence before it could begin. "You will not shed blood in this house!" she scolded them both, her tone sharp and reprimanding. Inuyasha's eyes narrowed at her but he sheathed his sword obediently with a loud 'snap'.

"What do you want? What did you do to Kagome?" he demanded, taking in the girl's chalky complexion.

"Give me your beads."

"What?" Inuyasha stared at him perplexed.

"The necklace - give it to me. She will die unless she is brought to her own time. Do you want her blood on your hands as well brother?" The word dripped from the dog demon's lips like hatred-filled venom. It was taking everything within his power to control his beast; he didn't have any extra resources to expend upon brother's stupidity. Without hesitating Inuyasha quickly removed the beads from his wrist and held them out to Sesshomaru. With his only hand occupied he could only look at them impatiently. Turning to the old priestess he addressed her, his tone and his eyes both demanding obedience.

"Miko, your assistance is required. Put the beads around this Sesshomaru's neck."

Kaede nodded and took the beads from Inuyasha's outstretched hand. Closing her eyes in concentration, she chanted a quiet spell while the others watched intently. To their amazement the beads left her hands to hover in the air in front of her as if suspended from the ceiling by an invisible thread. They pulsed and glowed purple in the dim light of the hut and as the priestess' chants grew louder the necklace snapped apart. Bead by bead it reappeared around the dog demon's neck. When the last glossy marble fell into place the necklace dropped heavily against his chest and he nodded a silent 'Thank you' to her.

Before she or Inuyasha could blink he was gone from their presence, speeding towards the well as fast as he could possibly move. "Fight Kagome, just a little while longer," he pleaded softly to the girl in his embrace. Leaping through the opening of the Bone Eater's Well, he clutched her tightly to his chest as their bodies disappeared into the inky black void.

As soon as Sesshomaru was out of sight Inuyasha collapsed to the floor of Kaede's hut. His eyes stared unmoving at the swinging bamboo door and his mind reeled over what he'd just seen. "Kaede…," he finally managed to stammer the old woman's name but did not turn to look at her, his entire body paralyzed.

The elderly priestess looked with pity at the young man, her withered face drooping into a deep frown. "Kagome is dying," she stated softly.

Inuyasha nodded his head in response and swallowed hard. It was his fault; all of it was his fault. If he hadn't forced her away then she wouldn't have taken off. Whatever happened to her out in that forest it was all because of him. Without realizing it he balled his hands into tight fists and struck one against the wood floor. I never should've let her go…never.

"Inuyasha," Kaede's voice cut sharply into his thoughts. He turned to her, an all too familiar anger burning in his eyes. It seemed like all he could feel were the darkest of emotions. Raw Anger, bitterness, resentment…they consumed his every waking moment and festered within his heart. He'd never been this bad as a half demon, or had he? He asked himself that question nearly every day. He didn't know who he was anymore.

"The baby is gone."

And then his world stopped. Inuyasha turned towards the door once more, his eyes wide. After a moment he bowed his head to hide the pain on his features but the old miko could still see the tears cascading down his cheeks in tiny rivulets. As the shock slowly absorbed into him, he hugged his knees into his chest and bent his head to rest upon them. His shoulders shook in silence at first but then one choking sob after another tore from his throat until he was crying harder than he'd ever cried in his life.

The thought of losing Kagome permanently was unbearable and knowing that the baby, their baby, was already gone tore his heart open. Before today he was certain he'd finally found himself a family. He'd been so afraid of ending up alone but Kagome's return had spelt the end of that fear. Now that fear was back and so was the aching loneliness that accompanied it. With Sesshomaru's return his last chance to be with Kagome was lost. Accepting defeat was like lifting a veil from his eyes. He realized with horror the person he'd become. He'd allowed his jealousy towards his brother to consume him and it'd turned him into a monster.

When Kagome told him she was leaving him something inside snapped like a tightly wound coil. He'd turned into a person he couldn't even describe; the demon he'd always feared he would become finally surfaced. A dark possessiveness for her had taken over his every thought, driving him practically mad at the mere notion of anyone else having her. With animalistic instincts he'd become determined to own her, to make it so the rest of the world knew that she was his and his alone.

Though he desperately wanted to convince himself that it couldn't possibly be true, that he wasn't capable of something so horrific, he finally admitted to himself that he'd raped her. There was nothing pure or loving or consensual about what he did to her that day. He couldn't believe what he'd allowed himself to become. He'd lost control and put the woman he loved more than the world through absolute Hell. Now because of him she was dying or maybe even already dead. The guilt and self-loathing was almost too much for him to bear. It was almost as painful as the realization that what had been done could not be undone. Kagome hated him and nothing he could do would ever change that.

"Kaede, I'm scared. What if…," he managed to choke out through a shuddering sob.

The old woman watched his tears with sympathy and did her best to soothe his fears. Though he was in many ways a man, his heart was still that of a child's - vulnerable and delicate. She had to tread carefully to ensure it wouldn't be shattered forever. "Sesshomaru will take care of her, ye know this already."

Inuyasha nodded and heaved a great sigh. "I…I love her. I love her so much it hurts sometimes. I just couldn't bear to lose her to him again…not after she'd finally come back to me."

Kaede nodded thoughtfully. Looking out the window at the pale blue sky above their heads she pondered Inuyasha's situation in silence. "Ye loved her too much I think. Ye loved her so much ye convinced yerself that life couldn't be lived without her. Ye tried to control her and force her to love ye back, but that is not love Inuyasha. Ye wanted to own her, not love her. She is Sesshomaru's mate and the sooner ye accept this fact the better off ye both will be."

Inuyasha looked up and held the old woman's gaze. Her good eye shone with all the wisdom and knowledge one gained after a lifetime of experience. Realizing she was right he offered her a small, sad smile and nodded his head once before fixing his eyes to the floor, too ashamed to lift them. "I know."

The words came out so soft and defeated they were barely audible above the crackle of the cooking fire. With nothing left to be said, the two oddly matched companions waited silently in each others' company for news from the other side of the well.