InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Inuyasha Funnies ❯ Chapter Five ( Chapter 5 )

Something lurks in the shadows. Something terrible, something unthinkable, something… female. And this something was livid. Afore mentioned something slowly approaches a certain slumbering toad. He lays beside a rope-bound, unconscious Sesshoumaru, too tired from his earlier chase to carryout his plan just yet. The decidedly feminine creature steps out from within the shadows into a beam of moonlight that has managed to seep its way into the murky darkness of the lifeless forest. She stands a mere 5'4, but what she lacks in height she made up for in tenacity. The girl is heavily clad in black robes ornately wrapped around her shapely body.

The girl, bit by bit, advances on the surely deranged (not that the girl was any less than he) soon-to-be dead toad. With unseen precision, the female swiftly grabs the green creature by the scruff of the neck and hauls him up to her face. The toad slowly opens his bulging yellow eyes, having been disturbed from his dreamful sleep, to look into the boiling green eyes of the female. "Toad," she growls, "you have committed an unforgivable crime and shall pay dearly!"

The little creature quivers in fear and actually craps his pants from terror. The female's nose wrinkles in disgust as a pungent stench reaches it. Her eyes began to water as she speaks. "What is that smell?!" She screeches.

Jaken blushes heavily and quickly tries to change the subject. "W-who are you?" He squeaks. The female, momentarily forgetting their earlier dispute, puts one hand on her hip, sticks her nose in the air, and puffs out her chest in pride. "I am Jutan, courageous protectress of Lord Sesshoumaru. You, little toad, have made an attempt at my man. You're going down." Jutan stands still for a few moments, pausing for affect, before opening a pair of black lips to speak again.

She suddenly stops, however, when she notices the smell for a second time. It is even stronger than before. She sniffs and follows the odor to the toad, from which it seems to originate. Her eyes widen in realization before she immediately drops Jaken. She jumps around, screeching and rubbing her hands on anything she can. "Eeeewww!!! Getitoffgetitoffgetitoff!!!!"

"Cease that infernal racket, woman!" Jutan stops immediately and turns to see the bound Sesshoumaru. Her eyes abruptly grow big and dewy. She begins to laugh nervously and scoots closer to Sesshoumaru. She has a somewhat crazy twinkle in her eyes as she advances on the Lord. She suddenly tackles him and begins working on the ropes that had kept Sesshoumaru from escaping.

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The cast chatter happily in front of a large blue screen, on which is painted a night sky scene. Afore mentioned screen hangs between two trees.

"Okay, everyone. Quiet down and get in your positions."

Everyone gathers in front of the screen, some kneeling and others standing and crossing their arms.

"Has anyone seen Sesshoumaru or Jaken?" the director asks. The cast remain silent. "You guys know something, don't you?" she questions, suspicious. "You better tell me, now! This is our first photo shoot and I'll be damned if I let them miss it!"

"Uh… they… um…" Inuyasha attempts to explain.

"The toad proposed to Pretty-boy and he ran away screaming like a little girl so the toad chased after him. We haven't seen either of them since last night," Rin tells her.

"Damnit!" the director swears. "Well, I guess we'll have to just start without them. Maybe they'll show up later," she reasons. "Okay, everybody get ready so we can start."

The cast obeys and get into their appropriate arrangements.

"What are you doing?" the director asks, annoyed.

"We're doing what you told us to do: posing," Kouga asserts.

Kohana, A.K.A. Kagome, chooses this time to make herself known. "Didn't anyone tell you guys? This is going in the PlayBoy and PlayGirl magazines. Get naked and be provocative," she informs them rather rudely. It is at this time that the cast notice that Kagome is completely nude and laying in the front of the group, her head propped up on one hand and her legs spread wide open. Their eyes widen…

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