InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ InuYasha No Baka: A Feudal Mishap ❯ Things Only Get Worse ( Chapter 2 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Yami396 
We find out key points of InuYasha's past that the producers never wanted us to. And what's the little secret Sesshoumaru and Suwa and Ueda have been hiding? All this exposed in Chapter 2.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 03.22.2006 | Updated On: 04.25.2006 | Pages: 10 | Words: 9.2K | Visits: 270 | Status: Work In Progress
We find out key points of InuYasha's past that the producers never wanted us to. And what's the little secret Sesshoumaru and Suwa and Ueda have been hiding? All this exposed in Chapter 2.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 03.22.2006 | Updated On: 04.25.2006 | Pages: 10 | Words: 9.2K | Visits: 270 | Status: Work In Progress
Chapter 2: Things Only Get Worse
Yami 396
In answer to the question of what I'm on: I am high off of the radioactive oxygen diffused from my socks. Anybody wishing to get some please call this number - 1-435-GET-SOCK
Disclaimer: I no own nothing in this chapter or the last. You no sue me. I no have money. I also do not own Yu Yu Hakusho. (Hint hint!)
I like to make fun of clichés and over used phrases, so if you have some, I'm willing to use them.
Warning - There's some good-natured Kagome, InuYasha, and Sesshoumaru-sama bashing happening in this chapter, simply because I don't like Kagome too much, InuYasha's been asking for this ever since I found out something about his name, and I've always wanted to do this to Sesshoumaru-sama. Oh, and shounen-ai shows up a little bit too. Enough of my babbling!
0000000000000000000
“Jeez, you would think that they would be smart enough to put a road through here!” Kagome groused as she pushed her way through the tangled underbrush of the forest. She still had no clue as to where she was, and why there was an obvious lack of human activity anywhere around her. “And the air! It's too clean! That's just freaky!” She sneezed a few times to punctuate the remark and trudged forward. “Oh! The Goshinboku! I'll use that to find my way home, even though it seems to have vanished!”
If Kagome was expecting to find the incredibly hot hanyou seemingly waiting for her attached to the Goshinboku, she didn't show it. Her eyes widened in shock, and she called out to him a couple of times, waving her arms around like a windmill.
“Hey! Hey you! Why are you stuck to a tree?” she asked, even though he showed no signs of acknowledging her presence. “Hey! Don't be rude! I'm talking to you…do you know you have an arrow sticking out of your shoulder? Are you dead?”
(Meanwhile, Suwa and Ueda were having convulsions in their void of nothingness. Kagome was NOT supposed to have found InuYasha, and she was certainly NOT supposed to be talking to him or asking him if he was dead.)
“Are you listening to me?!” Kagome snapped, climbing up an overgrown root so she could be level with him. She snapped her fingers in his face a few times, but even that didn't work, so she decided he must be dead, or it was some kind of pagan ritual that she had stumbled on, and figured she'd better get the hell out of there. Then, she noticed the ears.
Oh, the ears, the ears that made every fangirl everywhere swoon and sigh in front of their television sets. Those ears were girl magnets; everybody knew that. Little triangular dog-ears that twitched and drooped and did all sorts of things, who could resist them? Oh, of course, the jealous boyfriends of the fangirls didn't like them, and someone, only known as The Fluff-meister, had a personal campaign against them, but they aren't important right now. All that mattered was that Kagome had seen them, and as the moth is to the flame, as little tiny fish are to the big glowing thing on bigger fish that want to eat them, as little children are to the brightly colored containers of poisonous cleaning chemicals, she was attracted to them. With a squeal loud enough to make birds fly away in fright, she leaped towards the dead/sleeping/pagan figure and began fiddling with his ears for several minutes.
“I knew I shouldn't have, but I felt this compulsion to touch them all of a sudden,” she would later say during a trial brought about by unnecessary touching in fanfictions, (the touching of what exactly is still unknown) but that thought never crossed her mind as she played with them while he was asleep/dead on the Goshinboku.
00000000000000000000000
In the void of nothingness, Suwa and Ueda were done with convulsions, and were now suffering from post-traumatic shock.
“She…she…touched them. She touched the ears…” Suwa muttered, rocking back and forth on his heels. “Nobody…nobody can touch those ears…they're…they're…untouchable!”
“Just what I need. Another lawsuit up my ass,” Ueda groaned, smacking the control panel, causing several alarms to go off. “Great. Now I've just alerted the villagers to an intruder in the forest. Does anyone have any sake? I think I need some.”
“I've got apple cider!” a voice chimed in. It's…hic…really strong!”
“Who let her in here!?” Ueda yelled. “Get her out! Damn fangirl!”
“Sesshoumaru-sama rocks my socks!” she yelled as two bodyguards threw her out of the void.
000000000000000000000000000
“Now that that's out of my system,” Kagome sighed. “I feel kind of stupid, but everybody likes that line, so I have to deliver it.”
“You! Hold still while we try to shoot you with arrows and miss horribly!” a man's voice commanded. Kagome shrieked as several arrows missed her and hit the tree. She clutched the hanyou, burying her face in his chest, causing some boos and popcorn throwing from the fangirls, (and a few boys too) oblivious to the fact the she was embracing a strange and potentially dangerous young man, and didn't even put up a fight as the men bound her and carried her off to somewhere else.
“Let me go!” She yelled her favorite line besides `InuYasha! Help me!' at the villagers. She continued to screech some more. “Let me go! Let me go! Let go of me!”
“Methinks we should have gagged her too,” one whispered.
“Nay, what should have been done was get a better voice actress,” another whispered back. “You know, one with a little less `squeak'.”
(“They should be happy with what they have,” Ueda mumbled angrily, taking a swig of apple cider.)
And that was how Kagome found herself the center of attention in a small village just outside of the forest. Men and women pointed and gawked at the strangely dressed girl sitting on a mat with her hands and legs bound who stared and gawked back at them.
“Make way for the high priestess Kaede!” someone yelled, and a badly aged woman walked over to her, using a large bow as a walking stick. An eye patch covered her left eye.
“And where be the demon?” she asked, looking around. Kagome raised an eyebrow at the way the old woman spoke. She knew the speech pattern from somewhere, but she couldn't quite place where she had heard it. Kaede was still looking around, the eye showing moving around in its socket as if it where alive. Again, Kagome wondered about her. There was something strange about that eye…
“Kaede-sama, the demon is…Arrggh!” The man who was speaking was cut off when Kaede brought her bow down, smashing it on his head.
“Be gone, ye demon! Be gone!” Kaede yelled, using Old-English words that had no right to be used in an anime about Feudal Japan. “I shall purify ye!” Kagome watched the entire spectacle; incredibly happy that she had finally placed where the speech pattern came from.
“Yes! I am SO good,” she whispered, trying to wave her arms to no avail.
“Kaede-sama!” another man yelled, trying to edge around her bow. “Kaede-sama! Methinks you have your eye patch on the wrong eye again!” Kaede stopped beating the other man, whose limbs were hanging at odd angles, and turned to the sound of the man's voice.
“But I put it on my right eye,” she whined, glaring at the man, even though her eye was rolling back into its socket. The man flinched, slightly squeamish about the eye.
“Kaede-sama, when you look in a mirror, your reflection is the same. You don't need to put it on the opposite eyes when you look in a mirror,” one of the woman said, venturing forward. “You have to put your eye patch on the same eye.” Kaede frowned.
“That makes no sense,” she stated. The woman sighed.
“Trust me, Kaede-sama. Move your eye patch to your other eye and see if you can see properly again.” Kaede did so, and to her extreme embarrassment, the woman was right.
“I knew that,” Kaede said, refusing to meet anybody's eyes. The villagers were used to this, and no one said anything about it. “So this child is the demon?” she asked, pointing towards Kagome.
“Hey! Do I look like demon to you!?” Kagome shot back. Kaede merely threw dust on her. “Stop that! You'll set off my…my…aller-ACHOO!” Kagome sneezed, and several villagers dropped to their knees, praying that they wouldn't die tomorrow from some new disease.
While Kagome was shaking her head, trying to dispel the tickling sensation in her nose, Kaede examined her.
“Tell me,” Kaede spoke. “If ye speak the truth that ye are not a demon, do ye like double bacon cheeseburgers, extra-greasy, with jumbo fries, and a diet coke?”
“How did you know?” Kagome asked softly, awed.
“Ye resemble my sister in actions, if not in looks,” Kaede said, thinking, “I don't why everyone says she looks like Kikyo; they look nothing alike! At least not in this anime…manga, a little bit…anime, no.”
“What do you mean I look like your sister?” Kagome asked, confused.
“I did not say that,” Kaede corrected. “Compared to my sister, ye look as dumb as bricks and just as plain, yet ye share the same obsession for double bacon cheeseburgers.”
“Well thanks a lot,” Kagome snapped sarcastically. “People tell me that I'm quite pretty for your information!”
“Only fanboys who have no life find ye attractive.”
“Oh yeah! In hentai fanfictions and doujinshi's, I'm always described as creamy!”
“And that's a good thing?”
Silence.
“What's bad about being creamy,” Kagome asked, tears beginning to well in her eyes. Kaede rolled her eye.
“The term `creamy' is good to use for describing a cream puff. Or a milkshake. Not a fifteen year-old-girl,” Kaede said pointedly.
(“Why is this conversation even taking place!?” Suwa asked no one in particular.)
“Well, I like it!” Kagome said with a huff, turning her head away.
“As I said before, dumb as bricks,” Kaede muttered. “Come inside, child, before ye hurt ye self.” Kagome choose to ignore that comment, or maybe she hadn't understood it to be an insult, and followed Kaede into her hut.
Later that night, the village received a most unwelcome surprise. The Centipede `Monster,' tired of working overtime and receiving minimal pay, decided to voice his opinions in a little bit of rioting. It started out harmless enough, he only tormented a few children who were out in the forest throwing rocks at InuYasha, but after being called a woman one too many times, he snapped. Slightly deranged, and more than a little tipsy, he attacked the village, and after convincing himself that some poor and unfortunate horse had insulted him grievously, gave the horse what was coming to it. Kaede, hearing the ruckus, stuck her head outside to see what was going on, and Kagome, stupidly, followed suit.
“AIEEE!! It's dead!” she shrieked when the Centipede…Thing threw the carcass at her.
“Be quiet,” Kaede hissed. “This is normal; ye just need to let him cool down a bit. I bet he's been stealing into the sake stores again.” Kagome was not listening; instead, she was prancing around the horse corpse, screeching about how nasty it was. It would have been easier for her to disappear back into the hut, but for some strange reason, she thought the whole ordeal was her fault, and thus should stick around to see if she could make it worse.
“Lady Kaede!” a man yelled, holding a wooden shaft. “Arrows nor spears work on her!”
“MAN, MAN, MAN!” yelled the now very upset drunken Centipede Thing. “I am so sick of all of you saying I'm a woman! I've had it!”
“Now you had to go and tick it off even more,” Kaede grumbled. “He won't stop until he passes out…what in heaven's name are you doing?!” she shouted at Kagome, who was trying get all the horses out of the vicinity. Unfortunately, all this accomplished was getting the raging Centipede Thing to notice her.
“You! You called me a woman too!” he yelled, diving towards her. Kagome shrieked and ran away, heading towards the forest.
“Don't…run…” Kaede tried to warn her. “I better be getting extra for this,” she thought irritably, climbing up on a horse, only to fall off the other side.
Meanwhile, in the forest, InuYasha awoke, startling the little children who came back after the centipede had gone.
“It's alive!” one the boys yelled. He would later become the ancestor of Dr. Frankenstein, and also the ancestor of the creator of Jell-o.
“I smell it,” InuYasha growled, paying no mind to the little children watching him. “The blood of the woman who killed me.” As he was saying this, he looked positively evil, earning himself some gasps from the fangirls, and puzzled looks from the children.
“He doesn't look dead,” one of them pointed out.
“Shh…let him believe what he wants to,” another, older, one said, hushing the child. “It's easier just to let him be. He's been out of it for a while.” InuYasha reached for the arrow that bound him to the tree, but as his claws came closer to it, it began to glow with a protective barrier, effectively stopping him from removing it.
“Damn,” he muttered. “I could really go for a cheeseburger right now.”
“Eating cheeseburgers will make you fat,” a coincidently chubby girl said.
“Looks like you've been eating a lot of them!” InuYasha countered.
“I'm gonna tell my mommy you said that!” she screamed, running down to the village, tears streaming from her eyes. She did not get very far. About halfway through the forest, she was intercepted by the raging Centipede Thing and the very panicky Kagome. More afraid of the screaming girl dressed in a strange green and white kimono that was way too short to be running in than the giant centipede, the chubby girl ran as fast as she could back to the safety of the Goshinboku.
“It's coming back!” she screeched, skidding to a halt in front of the tree.
“What's coming back?” InuYasha barked. The children ignored him. “Answer me damn it!” The Centipede Thing burst through the line of trees, Kagome flying through the air above it, and that was answer enough.
“My eyes! They burn!” one of the boys yelled, clamping is hands over them, and ran back to the partially demolished village, the other children following quickly at his heels.
As the dust settled, and its musty smell ebbed away, InuYasha's nose picked up a very familiar, very bittersweet, very annoying scent. The scent of greasy, five percent cow meat, ninety-five percent preservatives, fat, and steroids, mixed in with stale bread, fake cheese, and fatty bacon assaulted his nose, dredging up memories of fifty years buried. His nose wrinkled, and a name came floating, unbidden, to mind.
“Kikyo.” The girl, who looked so much like Kikyo, yet did not look like her, looked up at him stupidly.
“Who?” she asked.
“Kikyo,” he repeated, eye traveling over her, taking in her strange clothes. There was silence, in which the girl, this Kikyo-like thing that could not possibly be Kikyo, gaped at him, and then InuYasha was blurting out something he should have said a long time ago, before it had been too late, “Kikyo…I…you…you've put on some weight, haven't you?”
“What?” Kagome asked, slightly incredulous, as the…boy…man…thing…with piercing golden eyes stared at her. And then, what he had just said slowly began to sink in, and she comprehended that he just called her fat. “What did you say?” Her tone was dark, as it had been when she had threatened the burger-flipping boy, suggesting violence sometime in the near future.
“I said, Kikyo,” he drawled, drawing out the name, “That you were putting on some weight. Been eating too many of those double bacon cheeseburgers?”
“First off,” Kagome began. “I'm not fat. I'm quite skinny, thank you very much. Secondly, I'm not this Kikyo person. I'm Kagome. Get it right.”
“If I say you're Kikyo, then you're Kikyo! You get it!” snapped InuYasha, irritably. Thinking for extended periods of time tended to hurt his brain, and the wench in front of him with the squeaky voice and Kikyo-like scent who denied she was Kikyo, was a puzzle, and InuYasha would be damned if he had to figure one out.
“I'm not Kikyo!” Kagome insisted, stamping a foot. “I'm Kagome! Ka-go-me!”
“You have to be Kikyo! Only Kikyo would smell like five percent cow meat, ninety-five percent preservatives, fat, and steroids, mixed in with stale bread, and fake chee-” InuYasha broke off and sniffed. Kagome was standing nearly on top of him, having sneaked up onto the overgrown root while he was monologuing. “You're not her!”
“Told you!” InuYasha turned away, or at least, he turned as far away as he could pinned to the Goshinboku.
“Should've known,” he berated himself. “The cheese is different, and Kikyo didn't look and act dumb like a moose.” Kagome's eyes widened in anger, and she was about to give InuYasha a piece of her mind when the Centipede Thing came crashing down the tree, waiting for their little conversation to end. He grabbed Kagome, and in a fit of terror, she grabbed InuYasha's hair, which amazingly didn't break or tear out of his head, and remained suspended in air.
(Suwa and Ueda were both watching this with matching faces of horror.)
“Gah! Help me!” Kagome screeched, as the Centipede Thing pulled on her legs.
“Get off, get off, get off!” yelled InuYasha in one of his few justifiable rages. “Get off of me!”
“Not a chance!”
“Can we have the camera back on me?” the Centipede Thing called out, whom, even in the best of times, did not appreciate being ignored. “I promised to fight you wench, so let's fight!” He pulled her ankles harder, and, in the pain of being stretched out, Kagome let go of InuYasha's hair, sending her sailing into the sky. As she flew up, part of her side became caught on the Centipede Thing's abnormally long fangs (when he went to the Fang Shop, they gave him a pair that was ten times too large) and ripped open her skin, allowing a small pinkish purplish jewel to burst out.
“Miss Kagome, would you care to explain to the court why it is that this wound just seemingly disappeared?” a (jealous) fangirl asked her during another one of Kagome's court appearances, this one being for the possession of illegal and potentially dangerous skin products. “A wound like that would have definitely scarred on a normal human being. What makes you so special?”
“I don't know,” Kagome answered, sweating slightly. “Luck?”
“Is that the Shikon No Tama?!” InuYasha demanded, struggling against his bonds. “Give it to me!” Kagome stared at up at him, and then back to the jewel, seemingly mesmerized.
“Nay child!” Kaede warned her, popping up out of nowhere. “Ye mustn't let him have the jewel!”
“Then take out this arrow!” InuYasha snapped, gesturing to his shoulder.
“Why?” Kagome asked, still staring at the jewel.
“Don't do that either!” Kaede commanded. “Don't do anything to him!”
“If you're all going to fight about it, then I'm taking the jewel,” the Centipede Thing said, popping the jewel into its mouth.
“Don't you dare!” But the command came too late, and the Centipede Thing at the Shikon No Tama, undergoing a hideous transformation.
“That is so gross,” Kagome shrieked, as the Centipede Thing shed off its skin. “That is so gross, so gross, so gross!”
“Would you stop standing around like an idiot and pull this arrow out!” InuYasha barked at Kagome. Having enough already, Kagome marched up to the tree and snapped,
“Fine! If it gets you to shut up!”
“Nay!” Kaede yelled, but it was once again too late, and Kagome jerked the arrow out of InuYasha's shoulder. He began to pulsate, which was very strange to watch, and a demented laugh hissed though his mouth. Kagome, now slightly frightened, and not at all ready to abandon the whole pagan ritual theory, took a few steps back, falling off the root. Behind her, several of the villagers that had followed Kaede also took a step back, looking at Kaede for guidance. She, however, was not being helpful; rubbing her forehead and mumbling about how she was too old for this did not count.
“Stupid Centipede Thing! Have a taste of my claws and crappy English dubbing! Iron Reaver Soul Stealer!” InuYasha yelled, flexing his claws and recoiling off of the root to fly straight at the Centipede Thing, slashing through him mercilessly. In the time it took to blink an eye (and to bake an apple pie; ask Billy Boy) the Centipede Thing was no more than scattered parts raining down on the vicinity, spraying everyone with blood, and making everyone smell like cheap Skanky Centipede perfume.
“I am NOT in my happy place!” Kagome yelled sourly, picking chunks of flesh out of her hair. “Do you know how long it will take to wash this out of my hair!?”
“Who gives a crap's ass about you hair?!” InuYasha snarled. “Look at my hair! It's completely fucked up!”
“InuYasha. Kagome. Stop behaving like children,” Kaede admonished. It was safe for her to come out from behind a rock now; the danger had finally passed.
“Stupid hag. Give me the jewel,” InuYasha demanded, taking a threatening step towards Kaede.
“Nay, Kagome must protect it,” Kaede said, while thinking, “If I give this to Kagome, she's sure to screw this up somehow.”
“She'll fuck it up!” InuYasha howled.
“Excuse me?” Kagome interjected. “But what does the Shikon Jewel actually do?”
“I believe you have already seen its power,” Kaede replied cryptically. InuYasha only snorted.
“Does it give power to demons?” Kagome guessed, eyebrow up. In all fairness, it was an educated guess; she just saw a sexually confused centipede demon transform after eating the jewel, and the jewel seemed like a big thing, so…
“Ha! Stupid wench,” InuYasha laughed. “You're an idiot. The Shikon Jewel doesn't give extra power to anything. It's much better than that. Whoever possess it can eat as many cheeseburgers as they want, and they don't have to worry about getting fat or having their veins clogged.” Kagome gasped.
“I believe it is the arteries that get clogged, not the veins,” Kaede told InuYasha.
“Veins, arteries. What's the difference?” InuYasha asked carelessly, shrugging his shoulders.
“Oh my God, I need that back right now!” Kagome screeched, digging through piles of centipede cadaver to find the jewel. “I can't function without cheeseburgers!”
“Oi, wench!” InuYasha snarled, pulling her away from the piles of flesh. “The jewel is mine! Find your own!”
“InuYasha,” Kaede groaned. “You're such a pain.” The two began to bicker, InuYasha towering over Kaede, and Kaede threatening him with an arrow.
“Your name is InuYasha?” Kagome asked, looking slightly pensive. InuYasha nodded. “Doesn't that translate to `Female Dog Demon'?” InuYasha's ears drooped.
“Errr…”
“You need to tell her someday,” Kaede pointed out. “Best to tell her now, so she has time to adjust to it.” InuYasha growled at her. Kagome laughed nervously.
“So are you a girl or something?” Kagome joked. InuYasha's face blazed red with embarrassment. The cool breeze suddenly stopped and it seemed hotter than normal. He could feel eyes staring at him, waiting for an answer.
Kagome's eyes widened, seeing the expression on his face, and said, “Oh Kami, you're serious. You're really a girl?” InuYasha opened his (her) mouth to say something, but all that came out was a squeak of dismay.
“InuYasha was at one time a girl,” Kaede broke in, tired of watching Kagome stare at InuYasha, and he (she) stare at the floor. “But she likes to think of herself as a man.” Kagome's mouth fell open, more than a little dismayed. Fangirls everywhere were having the same reaction, staring at their television sets in horror.
(“You mean,” Ueda said, blinking. “That he is in fact a she?”)
“Shut up hag,” InuYasha snapped. “I'm not a girl! I've taken care of that!” Kaede's eyebrow went up.
“You've taken care of that?” she repeated. InuYasha nodded.
“I found a doctor.”
“What do you mean?” Kagome asked in all innocence. InuYasha gave her a patronizing stare.
“What do you think it means.”
“I don't know. I'm asking you,” Kagome replied.
“You're really stupid.”
“Shut up! I don't get it!”
“Just think about it for a minute,” Kaede said gently. “Think carefully about what (s)he means by `taken care of it.' Kagome frowned and thought about it for a minute before her face changed as the full meaning of what (s)he had said.
“Ohhh.” Kagome looked flabbergasted. “You mean that. As in down there.”
“Feh.”
“But how did you…manage…that?”
“Fingers grow back,” InuYasha replied airily, wiggling them. Kagome's mouth opened more, eyes wide in panic, and more than just a bit horrified.
(Ueda and Suwa began washing their brains with bleach. They did not want to know that.)
“I think that's enough for tonight,” Kaede said, trying to divert the subject. Several villagers were already fleeing the scene, holding their hands over their mouths and stomachs, and Kaede was in no mood to go and join them.
“InuYasha is, for all purposes, male, and let's just leave it at that and not worry about certain parts of his anatomy.”
“But all those lemons,” Kagome groaned. “That's just so wrong on so many different levels.”
So it began. The adventure that changed Kagome from a teenaged girl living in the future to a teenaged girl that ran around Feudal Japan had started that fateful night when she had pulled the arrow out of InuYasha's shoulder. The two were far from friends, Kagome still slightly perturbed from InuYasha's Feudal style sex change, and InuYasha upset because Kagome accidentally tried to chew the Shikon Jewel, thus shattering it, the pieces scattering all over the floor. Unfortunately, before she could fix it, someone swept the pieces up and deposited them in the trash, allowing the jewel shards to be anywhere within Japan. Kagome only managed to find one that had been swept into a crack between the floorboards.
Kaede made the pair go find the jewel shards, though neither of them wanted to.
“If a demon gets a hold of the jewel shards,” she said, “Then anybody who makes cheeseburgers is at risk.”
In the end, Kagome ended up losing her jewel shard to a demon that looked as if she should belong in the dark alleyways of New York City rather than Feudal Japan, but InuYasha made short work of her, with only a little help from Kagome.
“Really, I was the one who found the comb and broke it,” Kagome argued when InuYasha took all the credit.
The real challenge came when InuYasha's older brother, Sesshoumaru, decided he wanted the Tetsusaiga, or the Tessaiga, the spelling didn't matter much. He was evil, mean, cruel, ruthless, but all of that could be overlooked because of two simple words: utter sexiness. Girls loved him, and even though he didn't give a damn if they all dropped dead, they backed him up on every decision that he made, always finding some reason to excuse his behavior.
“Oh, he's just misunderstood,” they would say. “You Inu-shippers just don't give him a chance.”
So when he got the idea in his head that he should try to kill his brother again, (fifty years was a long time, and he hadn't been able to get away from his fan base) nobody really questioned him.
Of course, finding Tetsusaiga was a bit of a problem, and it turned out that the little black pearl the men had accidentally jammed into InuYasha's eye was the gateway to their father's tomb. Sesshoumaru made quick work of that; he just simply gouged out his brother's/sister's eyes.
And that is how we find our heroes and our totally sexy antagonist inside a large corpse, with Kagome hanging onto its ribcage for dear life, InuYasha pointing a ragged and dirty useless sword at his brother, who looked completely bored by the whole spectacle. Really, all he wanted was the sword. He needed to leave soon; he was on a tight schedule.
“Give me the sword, you worthless half-breed,” Sesshoumaru said, getting straight to the point. “You dishonor it.” Who wrote this script? He glared silently at where the void of nothingness was.
“Come and fight me for it bastard!” InuYasha yelled tauntingly. Sesshoumaru sighed, and with utmost grace, reached behind his sheet of silvery hair, and pulled out a rose. Everyone stared at him, including his base of fangirls.
“WRONG ANIME!” A disembodied voice boomed throughout the skeleton, causing a few bones to rain down on InuYasha. “WRONG ANIME!” It sounded slightly panicked. Sesshoumaru rolled his eyes and out the rose back under his hair.
“What?” he asked. “I'm allowed to make a mistake.”
0000000000000000
Suwa dropped his microphone, sweat pouring down his face.
“Kami above, please just kill me now,” he said, falling to his knees.
“Is there anyway that we can edit that out?” Ueda asked. Suwa shook his head.
“Only on the DVD, but this is live,” he spoke calmly. “Holy Hell! What are we going to do!” he suddenly shouted. “He just let it slip! He just let it slip that he's also Yoko Kurama! What the hell are we going to do now! If FUNimation finds out that one of their star characters also works for VIZ…”
“We'll be lynched,” Ueda finished. “Wait, I've got an idea. Give me your cell phone. I'm going to place a very important call.”
0000000000000000000
Somewhere in FUNimation Land
An annoying jingle sounded from the pocket of the red-haired hottie known as Kurama.
“Moshi-moshi,” he answered it. As he listened to the voice on the other side, his face crumpled.
“What's up with him?” Yusuke asked, jabbing Hiei in the head.
“How should I know,” he snapped, glaring at the taller boy. Kurama hung up, and began to cry.
“What the hell happened?” Yusuke asked, tomes of panic beginning to creep into his voice.
“They, they,” hiccupped Kurama. “They said they had to change Yoko Kurama.”
“I thought you didn't like him,” Yusuke said, confused. Kurama only cried harder, and Hiei glared at him.
“You're no comfort. Go away,” he instructed.
“No way. I can comfort better than you.”
“But I'm shorter.”
“What does height have to do with anything?!”
“…You really are an idiot, aren't you.”
………………………&# 8230;………………………… …………………………
Fin! Fine! End!
Erm. Yeah. I couldn't help it. My Yaoi obsessed friend rubbed off on me. And InuYasha's name does literally translate to Female Dog Demon. Look it up on Wikipedia. And Sesshoumaru deserved it too. I regret nothing! (Just don't flame. This IS a PARODY after all.)
Moshi-moshi - Hello.
Billy Boy - I don't know if any of you remember that song, but it's a kid's song from the 90's and it always made me laugh from being delusional. (I was smart when I was younger, and because I play the piano, I know how to read music, so any music class bored me. The teacher didn't like to teach, so he just taught of this song all the time.) One of the lyrics is, `She can bake an apple pie quick as a cat can blink an eye…' Just thought I'd sneak that in there.