InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ It is you I have loved ❯ Confusion and Revelations ( Chapter 16 )

I'm gonna be honest and say that I've opened the word document that I was composing this particular chapter on about 20 times before it was finished. Though, only two of those times did I actually write a sizeable amount. Most of the time I just stared at the blinking cursor, probably figuring the words would magically appear on the screen. Yah, they didn't. Well, I just spent some time with this GORGEOUS guy and I'm waiting for my roomie to finish her homework so I can share all the juicy details. So I decided `hey, why not write!?' Here you go:

 

Inuyasha was confused. He knew full well he should at least be somewhat angry at Kagome but he just couldn't really find it in himself to be angry with her. Sure he was irritated…heartbroken, that she had done what she had done, with Sesshomaru no less. But the thing was, she technically didn't do anything wrong. Inuyasha had never really let on that he liked her, he'd tried but that didn't work out, though he felt even if he had been able to tell her it wouldn't have made a difference, she couldn't possibly love him. Plus, Kagome was free to make her own decisions. And even if Inuyasha didn't agree with the one she'd just made, there was really nothing he could say about it. On the other hand, Kagome had all the reason to be mad at Inuyasha. Inuyasha was fairly sure that Kagome hadn't been completely into the idea of having sex with Sesshomaru but he did still interrupt a rather intimate moment of hers. Then, he chased her back to her own time, ripped her window from the wall, scared her mother, and terrified Kagome with his angry questions. He would understand if she never wanted to see or speak to him again. That last thought stung Inuyasha. Even if he couldn't have Kagome the way he wanted, as a mate and mother of his pups, he at least wanted her to always be his friend. He needed her to always be there with words of encouragement and smiling that cute little smile that brightened his whole world. He would go to the ends of the earth to make sure she would forgive him for what he'd done. Right now though, the best thing he could do for her was give her some space.

 

Kagome was confused. The pieces just weren't fitting together. What part of last night exactly was Inuyasha so mad about? Sure he had plenty of reasons to be mad but which reason was the main one? Why had he just let her go after he'd followed her all the way to her time? Why had Sesshomaru been so bold all of a sudden? And why in the seven hells was she such a slut?! She had almost allowed Sesshomaru to take her virginity! Not only did she barely know Sesshomaru but she dreamed of one day giving that special gift to Inuyasha. Although, she feared even more than before that he wouldn't want it. Especially after what he'd seen last night. Kagome at first wished Inuyasha had never interrupted them. That way he would not have seen what she was doing with Sesshomaru. When she thought about it more though, she knew if Inuyasha had not interrupted she would really have something to be ashamed about. She needed to figure this all out. She needed to think but she couldn't do it here. Kagome had fled to a friend's house last night, not really knowing where else to go. Though, when she got here, she realized that she really just wanted to be alone.

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“KAGOME! Sweetie! I was so worried! What happened!?” Mrs. Higurashi ran to her limp daughter and held her in a tight embrace. “Kagome? Kagome, what happened!?”

“Mom. Please.” Although that was all Kagome said, her mother understood her wish to be left alone. And even if her mother really wanted to know what had upset her child so much, she could wait until Kagome was ready to talk about it.

 

 

Kagome didn't really remember walking home, or how exactly she got to her room, but she chalked it up to muscle memory. Her mind was so busy trying to figure out how to fix what she'd done that her body was forced to run on auto-pilot. Really though, Kagome had all but come to the conclusion that there was absolutely nothing to be done. Sesshomaru would once again see her as infantile. Not like she really cared much about him anymore. When Shippo grew old enough to understand what had happened, he would see his mother in a light that she definitely didn't want to be seen in. Sango, well, Sango would be supportive on the outside but Kagome knew that on the inside, Sango would be very disappointed with her. And then there was Inuyasha. Inuyasha would never see her as anything more than a shard detector now that he'd seen what she'd done…an easy shard detector. How could she be so stupid!? Kagome threw the pillow she'd been clinging to across the room and fell to the floor sobbing.

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`DAMN! How did this happen!?' Soon after Inuyasha left last night, Sesshomaru had started to realize what he'd just done. Not only had he acted on emotions that were fairly new to him, but he'd rushed into something that could have truly ruined his life. Kagome was a human female. A human female who was very fertile. Sure, he'd really wanted to feel that delicious body of hers wrapped around his and hear her call out his name in ecstasy but those feelings, those words, were fleeting. Had she become pregnant with his child, the child would no doubt be a hanyou. The only thing he hated more than humans, was hanyous. No matter how many children he fathered after that, that hanyou child would be his first and rightful heir to Sesshomaru's legacy. It irked Sesshomaru how easily he had let his guard down. It was odd though. That wasn't the first time or even the second time that Sesshomaru had felt immensely drawn to the girl. In fact, ever since that night when the girl had so innocently walked in on Sesshomaru bathing, he had felt like he wanted to know all there was to know about this girl. No one had ever held his attention for so long. It was…remarkable. She was remarkable. She was compassionate, intelligent (with only the occasional lapse in judgement), attractive, and powerful. Yes, very powerful. Although, Sesshomaru knew Kagome was far from realizing her full potential, but once she did, everything that she did would be amazing. Every aspect of her life would be filled with power and success. That meant, no doubt that any child born from Kagome and fathered by demon as powerful as himself would be nigh unstoppable. `Where did that come from?' He was doing it again. Picturing himself with that human. His instincts were calling out for her, calling to him to make her his mate…And his instincts were never wrong. With that it was settled. Sesshomaru spun to a stop and ran back towards his half-breed brother's forest to finally claim the girl Kagome as his own.

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`...No!' A voice cried out from the dark forest. She was running. Running fast into the depths of the forest. She saw lightening flash…heard thunder rolling. Where was she going? `Please! Don't!' Heat, she felt heat prickling at her skin. The earth shook underneath her. It was positively quivering with each shattering crash of thunder. More screams pierced the air. The image of long, writhing arms was stained into her vision as lightening struck behind them, illuminating the entire forest. Trees were being picked up a thrown like toothpicks wherever the lightning struck. Then, she saw them. With every hastened leaped she took towards the clearing, the fire in her fury grew immensely. This would end tonight.

 

 

“STOP!” Jolting awake, Kagome examined her innocent surroundings. Her breathing was shaky and ragged. And, although her room really was safe, she couldn't shake the wary feeling trickling into her thoughts and nerves.

 

 

“That dream again…”

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Sango's pacing was beginning to annoy even Kirara.

 

 

“What happened!? Why the hell won't anyone fess up to what happened!?” Sango shot daggers at Inuyasha as she watched him, seemingly peacefully, look out blankly into the vast expanse of land that stretched out away from the village. All night she'd questioned the hanyou. Sango wanted to know what terrible thing had happened to the girl she considered a sister. The only answer she got was a blink from an unresponsive Inuyasha.

 

 

“Sango…although we don't know what happened, at least we know Kagome is safe in her time.” Sango lashed out, feeling like no one truly understood the torture she was experiencing.

 

 

“HOW do we know she's safe!? Dog boy won't tell us anything!” Miroku quickly turned his eyes to Inuyasha, knowing that particular name would upset an already tense Inuyasha. Inuyasha didn't even flinch. He was so caught up in his thoughts that Miroku began to wonder if Inuyasha had even heard Sango's questions last night. And, as the days stretched forward, Miroku began to wonder if Inuyasha was even still alive…

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She'd done it again. Ended up somewhere without really realizing it. It had been a little over two week since “the incident”. Unfortunately for Kagome, life had kept moving even if she wasn't ready to breathe again. She had skipped school that Monday but would have to go on Tuesday if the social worker, that would be at her home about ten minutes before school ended, was to believe that her mother was playing a positive role in Kagome's life. That fact that Kagome's body was present at school did not mean that Kagome's mind was anywhere near there though. Having suffered through circles of tortured thoughts, Kagome had all but turned her mind off, using it only for basic life processes…like keeping her torn heart beating. Now though, she was sitting on a park bench, absently wondering how she'd ended up there. She didn't really feel like she wanted to leave though, so she just sat there, possibly figuring that watching others would set her at ease.

 

 

It had been a dumb plan. She'd seen kids playing tag, cats chasing bugs, and teenagers gossiping loudly about one another, but had seen nothing to put her weary mind at ease. That is, until nightfall. The sun had long since set on Kagome. No one was left in the park. Knowing somewhere in the back of her mind that a late night park was not the safest place, Kagome moved her legs forward in an attempt to stand up, only to slump backwards onto the cold bench. That's when she saw them. They were walking arm in arm, gazing into each other's eyes as if no one else existed. Kagome stared in awe at the sight of a couple that looked to be at least 70 years old each. She had seen them before. A memory stirred in the back of her mind of her mother once telling Kagome the story of how those particular two came together. It had been one of those stories that against all odds, a large gap in financial standing, completely different family beliefs and ancestry, the two still managed to fall in love so deeply that nothing would tear them apart.

 

 

Kagome's hand slipped up to her moist cheek to wipe away a single tear that had fallen. She brought the hand up to her face for closer inspection. Why was she crying? She didn't have to ask herself twice though. Kagome loved a man that she would overcome any obstacle for, fight any battle for. She was envious of those two. Not in a malicious way, but in a way that she wished she could be where they were with the one she loved. It was then that it hit her. Inuyasha may never love her but she wanted to always be there for him. She wanted to be allowed to care for him in her old age, even if she grew too weak to only be able to smile at him to show her love. He may not accept her but she would stay by his side, silently if that were his wish, to support him.

 

 

Her legs filled with new strength, Kagome stood and marched back toward her house, towards the well that was the portal to her love.

 

 

Her depression was far from gone and she still had no desire to eat, sleep, or talk to anyone, but she found just enough strength in her new found revelation, that she was able to make it back to her house. She absently threw her necessities into her pack and wrote a quick letter to her mother.

 

 

`Mom, sorry, but I have to go back. Don't worry, I'm safe.'

 

 

With the note written and her bag packed, Kagome swung her legs over the well and let herself be swallowed by the welcome blue light.

 

 

A/N: OK so three things: 1. I know this chapter is short but not only did I want to post a new chapter for you guys but I also wanted to post this before you all began to wonder if I'd died. 2. It's kind of a bland chapter, I know. But, it was a basic housekeeping chapter that was needed for you to understand what's going on. 3. I know Kagome seems like a wuss in this story. In fact, she's even been called stupid. The thing is, that's kind of right, but mostly wrong. She is fierce when it comes to fighting an enemy but with such fierce emotions of duty and protection, comes fierce emotions of love. Inuyasha is the ONLY one that she would stay silent for. No one else would be able to quiet and control this feisty girl.

And to reference the fact that she was stupid and almost had sex with Sesshomaru, I have to say that a few of you overestimate the human minds ability to deal with stress. Kagome was at a breaking point and she was depressed and angry. When humans are depressed, understanding and consolation from another often feels right, even if under normal circumstances, that consolation would not even be allowed within ten feet of us. She was confused, lonely, angry and yes, quite stupid, but please understand that I do not intentionally want Kagome to be stupid, it's just she is still a teenage girl, even if she is really mature most of the time.

A new chapter should be out soon (and by soon I mean sooner than this one but still probably at least 3 days) because I have to say that I'm not particularly proud of this one and I want to get your mind off of it and into the really juicy meat of the story (filled with battle and citrus fruit).