InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Kagome's CDs ❯ Understanding ( Chapter 8 )

Kagome's CDs


Disclaimer: Me: ''Inuyasha is mine!''
Conscience:''Uh…your nose is starting to grow…''
Me: ''Damn it! I thought I got rid of you!''

Song = Understanding (Wash It All Away) by Evanescence
!Note! I may take some of the lyrics out or change a word or two to help the story go more smoothly.


Enjoy!

Italic words are lyrics

---Chapter 8 ~ Understanding ---

(In Inuyasha's P.O.V.)

I looked up as a familiar scent drifted my way. A sense of calmness finally managed to squeeze into my body as I allowed myself to absorb the scent.

Her scent.

"Inuyasha?" Her timid voice called out.

Night has fallen now. I didn't even realize I had sat up in my branch for so long. I looked down and saw Kagome looking up at me with concern in her eyes. My heart did a little flip as I felt her concern for me. I dropped down quietly and pulled her close to me before settling the both of us back onto my branch.

"I didn't mean to follow you, I was just worried."

"It's alright." After a moment I added, "Don't worry about me too much, I'm okay."

Kagome gave a small sigh. "I know what you're thinking Inuyasha. And it's not your fault."

I turned away. I should've expected her to talk to me about it. "Kagome... I don't know if I want to talk about it just yet."

"I understand. But Inuyasha, you can't keep doing this to yourself." She paused, unsure whether if she should continue or not. I remained silent. She took my silence as permission to go on. "Every time after you transform... you always come out here and beat yourself up with your thoughts. It's not necessary. There's other ways to solve this. You shouldn't blame yourself all the--"

"How would you know?" I cut her off in the middle of her sentence. I couldn't keep the anger out of my voice as I asked her the question. I wasn't just angry at her. I was angry at myself and at the world.

She sat there, eyes wide from my sudden outburst. "I'm sorry, I just thought..."

"You don't know what it's like! Why do you keep telling me to stop blaming myself? Don't you see? It IS my fault!" My hands subconsciously gripped my sword. "It's always like this. I lose control because I lose my temper. Then I go blind and start killing anything that's in front of me. How would you know what it's like? You've never felt the demon inside you, ripping against your soul and mind, trying to take control. And when it finally does control and start killing, you can't help but kill with it. Worst of all, you start to enjoy it, as if you've always wanted to kill things and see them die before your eyes."

My voice started to get louder now and more out of control. "None of you will ever understand! I've always been like this. This half breed who can't even control when to become a demon or a human. One night I can be a worthless human, unable to defend myself or the ones I'm supposed to be protecting. Instead I need them to guard me! Then next thing I know I can be a reckless demon, killing everything in my path. Even hurting the ones I care about. Then they have to protect themselves against me. Don't you see how dangerous I am?! I'm a danger to anyone I come close to and all I will ever do is cause them trouble and pain!" I started to tremble unwillingly.

No, Kagome can't see me like this. But I couldn't help it. All those walls I keep trying to put up between myself and others seem to fall and crumple to the ground. Kagome does that to me.

She reached out shyly and I felt her warmth on my shoulder. I tilted my head down, trying to shield my eyes away from her with my bangs.

"Oh Inuyasha..."

With a voice much quieter, almost like a whisper, I asked the question that's always been with me.
"Why do I have to be a half breed Kagome? I hate what I am."

Tears suddenly filled her eyes. I didn't need to look at her to know she had started to cry; I would recognize the scent of her tears anywhere. And once again, my Kagome was crying for me. "Don't," I told her. "Please don't."

Kagome reached out for me again, this time wrapping both of her arms around my neck and pressing herself as closely as she can manage without losing her balance. "Inuyasha... I wish I can take your pain away. I'm sorry."

The tears I've been trying to hold back slid down my cheeks. I cleared my throat, trying to clear the pain in my voice. "I know, Kagome. But there's nothing you can do."

She sobbed into my shoulders. My heart ached. For both myself and for her. She's crying her heart out because of my pain. The pain I've been carrying around alone since I've learned the meaning of the word "half breed". I slowly reached out and gently wrapped my arms around her waist.

Eventually, her crying subsided and she pulled away slightly, just enough to stare into my eyes. By then my own tears had stopped.

"Inuyasha, I don't know what I can do for you. But I know this much..." She lightly touched my cheeks and gave me a small smile. "I know I've told you this before but I will say it again. It's not your fault that you're a half demon. And there's nothing wrong with being that."

You hold the answers deep within your own mindConsciously, you've forgotten itThat's the way the human mind works
I wanted to interrupt her but I didn't want her to start crying again, so I waited for her to continue.

"No one can decide what they will become before they are born. We are who we are. No one can change that. You were meant to be born as a hanyou, and what's wrong with that? There's no shame in being one. You shouldn't look down upon yourself just because some inconsiderate people do. Others just don't understand. They don't know what you go through and they reject you because you are different. But that's not your fault. You can't control how others look at you."

Whenever something is too unpleasant
Too shameful for us to entertain, we reject itWe erase it from our memoriesBut the imprint is always thereShe stroked my hair and continued. "Please stop blaming yourself for how things turn out. Things are meant to be. Yes, there are times when it's difficult. But that's why me and the others are there for you. We accept you for who you are. We don't care if we need to protect you sometimes. You can't be the strong one all the time. Everyone needs help once in a while. And we don't care if we need to protect ourselves when you transform. We understand you can't control it. We're not afraid. We're willing to stay by you despite of everything."

The pain that grips youThe fear that binds youPlease don't be afraidWhen the darkness fades awayThe dawn will break the silenceScreaming in our hearts
"I'm willing to stay by you despite of everything."

I stared back into Kagome's lovely brown eyes. I pull her close again, closer than before. Her heart beats strong and steadily. Just like her love for me.

My love for you still growsThis I do for you
My heart melts again for the millionth time I'm with my Kagome. She always knows what to say and she always mean every word. Sitting beside youListening to you breatheThe life that flows inside of youBurns inside of me

I know this would be a perfect time to tell Kagome my feelings. But I know if I went into it them the moment would be ruined. I didn't want this moment to end. So instead, I chose to keep my mouth shut and held on to Kagome as if she was the only thing in the world.
Hold and speak to meOf love without a soundTell me you will live through this
She wrapped her arms tighter around me and I heard a small sigh from her. I buried my face deep within her hair, trying to capture her scent and somehow get it to stay with me. I willed for her to understand the thoughts that are going through my head right now. How I feel and how my loyalty to her will never falter now. I'm in too deep with her.

And I will die for youCast me not awaySay you'll be with meFor I know I cannotBear it all aloneThen very softly, she once again said the words I wanted and needed to hear.

"I'm not going anywhere, Inuyasha."
You're not alone, honeyNever... Never
And with a voice as soft as hers, I whispered back.
"Thank you Kagome."

I guess I've always had a place where I belonged after all.

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Wooooo! Hope you guys like it. ... I think after such a gap between this chapter and the last, my writing style changed somewhat. It's definitely different from the ones before. Please review and tell me what you think of it. ^^