InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Kikyo's lonely journey ❯ Impossible tasks, impossible wishes ( Chapter 4 )

Disclaimer: Most of the characters in this story are the actual work of Rumiko Takahashi. I do not own them in any way.

 

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Chapter 3: Impossible tasks, impossible wishes

 

In her entire life, Susune could not remember having met someone as quiet and stoic as the miko walking in front of her. Since they had left her village half a day earlier, Kikyo had not said a single word nor had she so much as glanced at her. Questions burned her tongue. She wanted to know who Kikyo really was, what she liked, how she caught the disease that was now plaguing her. But she just couldn't find the courage to ask anything, she didn't want the miko to withdraw more than she already had. She was so lost in thought that when Kikyo suddenly spoke up, she literally jumped out of her skin.

 

"If you want to ask me something then do so," said Kikyo flatly without taking her eyes off the road in front of them.

 

It was ironic that her mind, so full of questions a second before was a total blank now. She dug and dug frantically searching for something, anything to say to the woman in order not to waste this golden opportunity, but it was no use, the more she searched, the more her questions eluded her. Strangely, it was her stomach which saved her skin by manifesting its emptiness at this very moment. Before she could even think about what she was saying, Susune found herself speaking.

 

"What's your favorite meal?" she questioned and blinked. Why on earth had she asked that? It was utterly pointless and completely incongruous.

 

Apparently, Kikyo thought so too because for the first time today, she turned her head slightly to the side and fixed her with a confused stare.

 

"You want to know... what my favorite meal is?" she repeated, disbelief evident in her voice.

 

"I... yes," agreed Susune. No sense in denying her question now and it was harmless enough.

 

Kikyo continued to look at Susune intently, as if trying to fathom why she wanted to know this, but eventually she just shrugged and returned to watching the road ahead.

 

"Unadon..." she answered quietly, so quietly in fact that Susune almost missed it.

 

Unadon, the one thing that she would have given her very soul to eat again. She could still remember the first time her mother had made it for her on the eve of her tenth birthday. The beautifully crafted bowl from which small volutes of steam rose. The delicate aroma of the eels and the rice tickling her nostrils, making her mouth water in anticipation. Beside it, the small pot of soy sauce she loved so much. And lastly, the ornate chopsticks. Her mother had really gone all out on that day. The picture was so incredibly vivid that her stomach could not do anything but growl in anticipation. Kikyo stopped dead in her tracks.

 

"Did my stomach just... growl!?" she reflected in astonishment. But even as she thought this, the sensation receded and her mouth dried up, becoming once again the dry pit it normally was.

 

Hunger... in all the years she had spent as a clay puppet, she had never felt it even once. Hell, she didn't even have a stomach in the first place. So how did this happen? How was it that for a split second, her body had almost felt... alive again? The answer to this question was rather obvious: Susune. The girl had gotten right past her defenses yet again without even trying. Anger bubbled up inside her, though she wasn't sure if she was angry at Susune for having breached her defenses or at herself for having let her guard down. Once again she stopped short when she realized what she was doing.

 

"Dammit! As if having my emotions flaring out of control was not enough, now even my own body is starting to answer to her!" she reflected while unconsciously tightening her grip on her bow.

 

"Kikyo-sama?" came the confused voice from behind her.

 

"We deserve a small rest. Let's settle down over there for a little while," answered the miko, pointing to a tree with well furnished branches that would provide them both with plenty of shade.

 

"Okay," replied Susune, though her tone told Kikyo that her curiosity was far from satisfied.

 

It was one thing Kikyo did not understand about the child. She could feel that she was filled to burst with questions and yet... she kept quiet. Any other kid her age would have bombarded her until her head spun like crazy, but Susune did not. She kept them to herself, even when prompted, like the miko had done a minute earlier. Though puzzling, Kikyo was content to let the thing rest, in a few days at most, they would reach another village, she would find a family to take the girl in and that would be the end of it, so no sense in getting too tied up.

 

"She deserves a happier future than what I can provide," she reflected. But the sentence was beginning to sound hollow, as if the conviction that she was making the right choice had melted away.

 

It sounded even more hollow as she watched Susune open her bag and take out some fruits. Most were in relatively good condition, except for an orange which had suffered quite a great deal. Upon seeing this, the girl wrinkled her nose in disgust before grabbing it with every intention of throwing it away.

 

"Eat it," admonished Kikyo before she even knew she had spoken.

Susune jerked in surprise, at the miko's sudden order. "But why, it's all beaten up?" she questioned back.

 

"Eat if you're hungry and then lightly to avoid overloading your body. If something looks bad, but still edible then eat it now so as not to waste any of your supply... because you never know when you'll be able to replenish it. Those are the rules of a smart traveler," enumerated the miko.

 

Susune looked at Kikyo for a while before shifting her gaze to the orange in her hand. A small grimace twisted her features, but nonetheless, she dutifully started to peel and eat it. The miko absently watched as the child chewed on her fruit, wincing with each new bite. She couldn't figure out exactly why she had given this advice. As sound as it may have been, Susune was not and would never be a traveler so why on earth had she even bothered?

 

"My emotions, my body and now even my subconscious is playing against me. This is getting ridiculous!" she berated herself mentally.

 

Before she had time to dwell too much on this though, Susune dragged her back to reality.

 

"Kikyo-sama, is there anything we can do with the orange's skin?" she questioned.

 

The miko raised an eyebrow in surprise. The girl was really a fast learner. She definitively would make... She stopped that thought before it even had a chance to finish itself. A small humorless smile graced her lips as she stood up and began gathering her stuff.

 

"Keep them if you want, they can add a little flavor to an otherwise tasteless meal," she commented.

Susune looked dubiously at the pieces of skin in her hands before shrugging and stuffing it in a pocket of her kimono. Then, seeing that the miko was about to depart, she hastily closed her bag and slung it on her shoulder before bounding to her feet.

 

"Let's get going," said Kikyo simply and with that, they were both off.

 

******

 

"Kikyo-sama I beg you..." started the young girl pleadingly.

 

"No," cut in the miko firmly.

 

"But..." Susune tried again.

 

"No I will not take you in as my apprentice! I said so exactly 17 times and repeating myself will not change the answer!" snapped Kikyo, feeling her patience growing dangerously thin.

 

The girl had started this shortly after their midday break and the sun was almost setting. She kept asking the same question again and again which was really starting to grate on her nerves. In a way, she admired her tenacity, but this was really getting ridiculous. Just how many times would she have to say no for the child to understand? Thankfully, it was almost night and if Susune fell asleep then she would finally be able to enjoy a few minutes of peace and tranquility. Kikyo's eyebrow twitched as a sudden question popped in her head. It was a question so obvious that she wondered why it didn't cross her mind until now. Stopping dead in her tracks, she whirled around and fixed Susune with an icy stare.

 

"Just why on earth are you so intent on becoming my apprentice?" she asked suspiciously.

 

For her credit, the child did try to hold the miko's gaze, but she couldn't help but falter under the sheer intensity of it.

 

"I..." she stammered, her cheeks burning a bright crimson. "... want to... learn how to... heal people," she finally managed to say.

 

Kikyo looked at the girl for a few more seconds before huffing in disdain. "If you want to lie, you could at least try to be convincing," she shot before turning around and walking away.

 

Susune watched the retreating miko for a second, feeling something akin to desperation swell within her. The woman had sensed her semi-lie and she had definitively not been pleased. Her windows of opportunity were closing one after the other and her time was running increasingly short. They would reach the next village at sunset tomorrow. She had to convince Kikyo before then or she was doomed.

 

"If I tell you the truth... will you consider coming back on your decision?" she asked in a defeated tone.

 

This definitively got the undead miko's attention because she retraced her steps and came to stand right in front of her.

 

"It depends on what the truth is," she answered emotionlessly.

 

Taking a deep breath, the ten years old raised her head and looked straight at Kikyo to show that she was really telling the truth and launched herself.

 

"I want... to find a cure for your disease," she revealed, her gaze never blinking once.

 

Silence. Pure and absolute silence. It was as if time itself had stopped as neither of the two women moved by even an inch. Finally, Kikyo blinked and the spell was broken.

 

"Just what makes you think that I am sick?" she questioned, her eyes narrowing in suspicion.

 

"Well... your body is as cold as ice to the touch and you don't eat... At least I've never seen you eat," explained the girl, her heart thundering in her chest, but she dared not move her eyes away from Kikyo's gaze for fear of being considered a liar once again.

 

Kikyo stood there, rooted to the spot. For the first time in years, she felt fear constrict her stomach. She had greatly underestimated this girl's sense of observation. In less than a day, she had virtually figured out what she was. She really had to hurry or else, her secret would be revealed.

 

"Stop trying to be a heroine Susune," hissed the miko before stalking away angrily.

 

"But you said..." began the child.

 

"My answer remains unchanged. Now come along, we still have to find a place to settle for the night!" snapped Kikyo furiously.

 

Susune jerked at the harsh tone before hunching her shoulders. Her bet had not paiyed off after all, if anything, it had made things worst. Kikyo had just barricaded herself behind impenetrable walls, sealing within all the secrets that could have lead Susune to a possible cure. And so, it was with a heavy heart that the child followed the miko, knowing that her primary source of information had just run dry. There was only one thing left to do now: wait until they arrived at the village tomorrow and hope that someone there had the ability to save her.

 

"Keh, might as well hope my family was still alive," she thought angrily. She was generally not one to give up, but she had to admit that the odds had just grown incredibly worst in the last few moments.

 

For her part, Kikyo was positively fuming. Who the hell did this child think she was? She knew nothing of her predicament! Nothing! So how could she even pretend to be able to cure her when she wasn't even sick in the first place?

 

As she had those thoughts, another more rational part of her mind tried to tell her that Susune was only doing her best under the circumstances, that there was no way the girl could know that her body was made of clay, not flesh. But of course, she did not hear any of it.

 

"This place shall do for the night," she announced abruptly as they arrived in a small clearing.

 

Without another word, the miko promptly put her things on the ground and proceeded to extract food and blankets from her bag. Even though she was angry at Susune, it didn't mean that she wanted the girl to catch a cold or die of starvation. But come to think about it, was it really Susune she was angry at or herself? She didn't know the answer to that, but it was pointless to torture herself more than she already was. Shifting her gaze to the girl once again, Kikyo noticed that she was sitting on the ground, her discarded pack beside her.

 

"Unless you want to eat raw food, I suggest that you go and get us some firewood," prompted the miko, a touch of exasperation showing in her voice.

Susune stiffened at the barely disguised order before glaring darkly at Kikyo. Finally, with an angry huff, she stood up and complied. When the child had disappeared into the woods, the miko sighed. She hadn't really meant to be so harsh to Susune, but right now it felt like everything was set against her. All she really wanted was for the girl to have the happy life she deserved and everything, her heart, her body, her subconscious, even Susune herself were dead set on preventing that to happen.

 

"What on earth did I do to deserve this?" she reflected with a hunch of her shoulders.

 

The sound of a snapping twig brought her out of her musing. Turning her head, she noticed Susune walking back into the clearing, arms full of dead branches. She also noted, with a small spark of regret, that the girl was still angry, very angry in fact. Her suspicions were confirmed when she dropped her load unceremoniously on the ground.

 

"Is there anything else we need, Kikyo-sama," spat the little girl venomously, putting a special emphasis on the miko's name.

 

Things just kept getting better and better. Now it was either apologize or deal with an angry Susune for the rest of the trip. Seeing as though the child was already making her life difficult by being in a relatively good mood, she chose not to tempt fate and go with the first alternative.

 

"I suppose I may have been a bit too harsh with you," she amended. "But not many of the people who are nice to me actually mean it. So I've learned to be suspicious."

 

"But... why?" asked the child curiously. "Aren't people usually nice to mikos?"

 

"People respect me, people are kind to me... yet they don't even know me, they don't even try. I could be a monster and they'd still be nice... all because I'm a miko!" snapped Kikyo acidly.

 

Susune blinked, taken aback by the rather powerful reaction from the woman. It was strange that she reacted so angrily when she spoke of her title. When one chose to become something, shouldn't one be proud if he or she succeeds? That's when something suddenly clicked in Susune's head.

 

"Kikyo-sama why did you become a miko in the first place?" she questioned without thinking.

 

Wrong question. The woman's feature instantly closed up and her eyes hardened, telling Susune in no uncertain terms that she had just touched one very sensitive nerve. "This conversation is over," said Kikyo in a low and emotionless voice.

 

A mistake. Asking this question had been a mistake, she should have been more careful. Sure she had gotten her answer, but now she wouldn't get any other. Damnit! For once, Kikyo had opened the doors to her past and one slip had slammed them right back in her face. This was so frustrating, she had been on the verge of making a big discovery, she had been sure of it. But now... everything had just gone down the drain.

 

Heaving a deep sigh of defeat, the girl turned around and started rummaging through her bag in search of some food. She didn't really eat much today aside from her breakfast and, as worried as she was, her body still had some basic needs that needed to be satisfied. Speaking of which... Kikyo had not eaten much either and showed no sign that she was going to eat anything anytime soon. Raising her head, she opened her mouth to ask the question that burned her lips when she saw the cold expression on the miko's face. All the words she had intended to say died in her throat and she promptly lowered her gaze once again.

 

"What?" questioned the woman sharply.

 

"I..." gulped the child. "I was wondering if you wanted anything to eat?"

 

A long silence followed the question. It was strange as Susune had expected a flat out 'no' from the miko. Curiosity helping, she found the courage to shift her gaze to Kikyo once again and she was surprised to see a dreamy look painted on the woman's face.

 

"No," she whispered. "I do not... want anything... to eat."

 

Without another word, Kikyo slowly stood up and walked away through the woods, leaving Susune behind to guard the camp. What had that been all about? Why had Kikyo reacted like this to her question? This was all mind boggling. The few answers she did manage to extract from the miko lead only to more questions. Just how was she to unlock this living mystery that was Kikyo if she was likely to part ways with her the very next day. Fate was cruel. It took away all that she held dear, only to give her a task that was nothing short of impossible to accomplish.

 

"I have to do it!" she thought fiercely. "I won't run and hide this time! I will save Kikyo-sama, no matter the cost!"

 

******

 

Not too far from camp, safely hidden from view, Kikyo was standing amidst the trees, surrounded by three or four long serpentine shapes. The soul collectors twisted lazily around the miko as they normally did when in her presence. This time however, they did not bring souls with them but information. The woman raised her hand and one of the youkai came to rest right above it.

 

"So the next village is about a day's walk away," said the miko. "And it is very peaceful and not too big... Thank you, you did well," she complimented and the creatures all flew away into the night.

 

"So tomorrow at dusk, Susune will have her new home... and I will finally be free of her," she spoke to no one in particular.

 

Kikyo knew she should have felt eagerness at finally being rid of the inquisitive child. Her kindness, her curiosity, her innocence, all of it was awakening things in her that she'd rather stay dormant. Love, compassion, tenderness... all the things that a normal human being would consider normal were flaring back into existence, causing her a pain sharper than any she had ever felt before. It was so painful because she knew that as soon as Susune would learn the truth about her, she would push her away like everyone else had. She was not human anymore therefore, she couldn't afford to have human emotions either. So if she would be rid of the very thing that was making her suffer, why on earth was she feeling so thorned up inside? Why did if feel like her very soul was being ripped apart? Why were tears falling down her cheeks right now? The answer to all these questions was easy and quite obvious, but Kikyo could not make herself look at it. She could not, because she knew that if she so much as glanced at it, what was left of her resolve would fade away.

 

And so, with an angry swipe of her arm, she dried her tears and headed back to camp. With each passing step though, the words she had last said out loud kept repeating themselves in her mind. At one point however, they started to become slightly twisted to reflect what her heart had long since admitted but her mind refused to even consider.

 

"So tomorrow at dusk, Susune will have her new home... and I will be all alone again."