InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Let's Get Sesshoumaru Laid! ❯ Sesshoumaru and Kikyou ( Chapter 2 )

A/N: Here's another twisted chapter. I'm currently in the middle of a very hard chapter of my other Inuyasha fic, “Different Always Means the Same Thing.” I was hacking through that when inspiration hit me for this story (I also happened to be listening to “Rock You Like a Hurricane.” Ironic, huh?) This is one of those stories I need to be in the right mood to write so it probably won't be updated as often as my other one. Suggestions are welcome, especially since I'm not sure which character to put Fluffy with next. I will tell you right now, I will NOT do Sess/Rin or repeats. I also refuse to go into anymore detail with the Sess/Inu thing. The very existence of that pairing both sickens and frightens me.

 

WARNING: Bad language, blatant sexual references and extremely sick humor. Trust me, it gets REALLY sick in this one. I'm surprising myself with my perversity here. MAJOR Kikyou bashing!

 

Disclaimer: I don't own anything remotely connected to Inuyasha. That happy privilege belongs to a little, middle-aged Japanese woman across the Pacific who doesn't have to work a minimum wage job for dough.

 

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Chaper 2: Sesshoumaru and Kikyou

 

By Kenkaya

 

 

Sesshoumaru once again aroused from his dream-state with a fuzzy feeling behind his eyes. He felt soft weight against him and knew exactly what had happened.

 

Alright, who did I sleep with THIS time?!

 

The smell of moist earth and rotting bones hit his nose with a pungent vengeance. The figure twisted slightly and practically moaned Inuyasha's name. That was all the clue he needed.

 

Oh, bloody Hell! Literally!

 

Kikyou's eyes fluttered open and she sat up smiling seductively. They both lay in their birthday suits on the forest floor, wildlife tittering around them. The undead woman's face fell back to its usual frigid mask.

 

“I suppose I had to wake up eventually,” she sighed.

 

“Would you mind explaining that statement?”

 

“Well, it was easier pretending you were Inuyasha in the moment. And in my dreams---“

 

“Wait just one damn minute! You weren't drugged or under any influence aside from your own?” the dog youkai blinked.

 

“Of course not!” Kikyou chuckled as if the very idea of someone controlling her was ludicrous.

 

“Then why the HELL did you sleep with ME?”

 

“I may be a resurrected priestess, but I was revived by intense passion, more specifically, my hatred for Inuyasha. I do have my frustrations and judging by your frisky behavior last night, so do you.”

 

Sesshoumaru groaned, “I really didn't need to hear that last statement.”

 

“Your wishes are none of my concern,” the clay woman yawned. “I am sated and have no more use to be in your presence. It appears you were not aware of yourself last night. That would explain why you kept calling me “Mama” and asking me to read you a bedtime story in a high-pitched voice,” the deceased priestess cocked her head thoughtfully. “Actually, I found that part kinda kinky.”

 

“Oh, God. My bastard of a brother was attracted to this--- THING?!”

 

No sooner had Sesshoumaru mentioned our hanyou hero, then his super, sensitive, youkai-powered ears picked up footfalls in the not-to-distant distance (please tell me you see the parody in this sentence.) The intrusion was soon followed by a childish shriek.

 

“Eww! Inuyasha do you smell THAT?! It smells like something died!”

 

“Yeah, it smells like---“ the voices quieted, followed by very fast footsteps heading straight in his direction. A familiar female voice shouted, “Inuyasha! Wait!”

 

Sesshoumaru immediately proceeded to curse every god and goddess he could think of. When he ran out of options, he just cursed anything that came to mind, starting with the nude, no longer pure by any means, priestess beside him.

 

“Kikyou!”

 

The brush concealing the reluctant couple parted open like an atomic blast as Inuyasha skidded to a halt before them. His amber eyes darted from Kikyou to Sesshoumaru, from Sesshoumaru to Kikyou. He rubbed his eyelids in disbelief as his companions crashed through. Their expressions mirrored Inuyasha's, aside from Miroku who began to give Kikyou the `once-over.' Hey! She was female and nude. What else was he suppose to do?!

 

“Eewwwww! Kikyou's NAKED!” Shippou squealed, effectively breaking the ice. Kirara stepped back, finding no immediate reason to get involved.

 

Sango turned and saw Miroku's roving eyes. She socked him, hard, and the questionably moral monk fell to the ground chanting, “So many pretty ladies--- So many pretty naked ladies---“

 

“Ki--- Kik--- Sesshoumaru--- WHAT THE FUCK?!” Inuyasha screamed, finally abandoning reason.

 

“Don't look at ME! Do you really think I WANTED to fuck A CLAY CORPSE?!” Sesshoumaru shouted back. Kikyou looked at him with a slightly hurt expression. Inuyasha was too shocked to care.

 

“What the Hell else am I suppose to think?!”

 

Shippou, being a child, was too observant for his own good and suddenly piped, “Kagome, why is Kikyou melting?”

 

All attention was drawn to Kikyou's abdomen which, the adults now noticed, was indeed melting. Drops of peachy glop dripped down her bare thighs to pool in the springy grass beneath her.

 

“Well,” the priestess began nonchalantly, “my body is made out of bones and clay. When you add a lot water to clay,” she glanced pointedly at Sesshoumaru, “it liquefies into silt. You WERE frustrated---”

 

Everyone just stared. Inuyasha turned greener by the minute and Kagome paled.

 

“Oh, my GOD!” the school girl squirmed. “That's SOOOO DISGUSTING!”

 

“What?” Sango paused beating Miroku comatose in a futile attempt to end his perverse chanting. Kirara sat guard on the monk's chest while her mistress was distracted. Kagome vainly clamped two hands over Shippou's tainted, young ears.

 

“Sesshoumaru's semen is causing the clay in Kikyou's body to--- to--- EWW!” Kagome ended her statement by pointing at the melting Kikyou. Sango cocked her head.

 

“What's `semen'?”

 

“Uh--- um,” Kagome stuttered, looking for a word her naïve friend would understand.

 

“She means my seed, you stupid wench!” Sesshoumaru snapped. The youkai exterminator blushed redder than a fire rat's ass and resumed her activity with Miroku.

 

“Oh, Inuyasha!” Kikyou simpered, attempting to throw herself in his arms. The hanyou stepped back from the dissolving sack of bones and latched onto Kagome for protection. “Let us share one last moment of love, together! As I depart, I can drag your soul into Hell with me and we will spend eternity in each other's arms!”

 

“Uh! She left residue on me!” Sesshoumaru whined.

 

“I--- I'll pass,” Inuyasha choked.

 

“Inuyasha! Haven't I always loved you? Even when I made love to Sesshoumaru, I always imagined your face!”

 

Inuyasha shuttered and Kagome patted his shoulder reassuringly, her own face twisting into nausea.

 

“Inuyasha,” Kikyou cooed. “I can read you a bedtime story--- Mama might even give you a bedtime snack---“

 

“Oh, sweet merciful CHRIST!” Inuyasha moaned with a `someone-please-run-the-Tessaiga-through-my-chest-and-put-me-out-of-my-mise ry' tone. Kagome swayed and had to lean against Inuyasha for support.

 

“What would you like to eat, Inuyasha-munchkin?”

 

“For God's Sake! SHUT UP, BITCH! You're disturbing ME!” Sesshoumaru growled. Even Sango and Miroku, who miraculously regained conscientiousness, appeared sickened. Kirara shook her kitten-like head. Shippou didn't understand the innuendo and stated innocently, “I like it when Kagome gives me bedtime snacks.”

 

“I'm--- I'm not interested, anyway,” Inuyasha added from his safe haven behind Kagome. Kikyou's expression hardened.

 

“So you chose that--- that slut instead of me?!”

 

“Excuse ME?!” Kagome roared. “What did you call me?!”

 

“You heard me, bitch! I'm sure you wear that ridiculously short kimono to tempt Inuyasha's hands as well. Can't snag him on your own without cheaply offering a piece of your ass, I see.”

 

“Who do you think I am?! Miroku?!” Inuyasha shouted in the background. The girls ignored him.

 

“Oh, yeah!” Kagome grabbed a nearly full, water bottle from her yellow backpack and twisted the cap off as she stomped over to the now standing, unclad priestess. “Well I have three words for you: GET OVER IT!” Kagome then proceeded to dump the entire contents over Kikyou's head.

 

“How--- dare you,” Kikyou sputtered before she realized just what her reincarnation had done.

 

“Go to Hell!” the modern Japanese girl spat.

 

“No, you can't--- Inuyasha! My love! I'm melting--- meeelllllltinnnng!”

 

Everyone watched as the annoyingly, impossible to kill priestess was done in by bottled water. Sesshoumaru stared at the oddly colored puddle on the forest floor long after the process was over. He used his remaining arm to grope for his wrinkled clothes off to the side.

 

“Someone is going to die very slowly for this,” he vowed.