InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Malice ❯ Atonement: Inuyasha's Vow ( Chapter 7 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Chapter 7: Atonement: Inuyasha's Vow

Sango stopped outside Kaede's hut, suddenly nervous. Was it really okay?

From what Miroku had told her, she was glad that she hadn't been here when Kagome had lost it, and now she was afraid, wondering if Kagome would react that way again. But Kagome had asked to see her so... gathering her courage, she stuck out her hand and pulled back the matting on the door, before tentatively stepping into the hut.

Kagome looked up as she entered, and closing her eyes for just a second, she firmly gathered her courage and smiled. It was a small smile, yes, but a true one, nonetheless, and Sango, seeing it, almost burst into happy tears, barely managing to hold them back at the last moment.

"Hi, Sango," she got out, in a soft voice, one that wavered just a bit. "I'm glad to see you." She looked down at her hands, which were clasped tightly in her lap. "I'm sorry if I worried you."

Sango stepped forward, dropping to her knees in front of her, reaching out slowly and drawing her into a hug.

"Oh, Kagome, don't ever apologize! None of this is your fault, you know that, right?" Pulling back, she looked at her friend, the tears finally falling, making their way past the bright smile that washed across her face. "I'm just glad that I can see you again! I really missed you, that's all!"

The signs of stress on Kagome's face smoothed out a little at her words, and her smile widened, just a bit. "I know - I missed you, too. I just," she looked away for a moment, then back to her friend, "needed some time, I guess. I had too much going through my mind, and I couldn't handle that and still function around others, so I sorta went away inside my mind for a while. I didn't mean to ignore you or the others."

"I know, Kagome, I know." Sitting back on her heels, she looked at her for a moment. "How about we go sit outside for a little while? It's really a beautiful day, you know," she said encouragingly. "Please? For me?"

Kagome chuckled softly at her friends pleading expression. "Okay." She looked around the hut wryly. "I suppose I really do need to get some fresh air - I've been sitting inside a little too long, I guess."

Sango jumped up, grinning, and held her hand out to Kagome, her happy expression only getting brighter as she took the proffered hand and stood, following her out of the hut.

As they stepped outside, Kagome froze for a moment as she spied Miroku coming towards them, but remembering that she had to see him sometime, she squared her shoulders and stepped forward, managing to maintain her small smile.

"Hi, Miroku." She blushed and dropped her head as memories of how she had reacted the last time she had seen him crossed her mind. "Uh, you know, I didn't mean to upset you the other day, well, with how I acted." She looked back up at him, finally noticing his smile. "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, Miroku. I really wasn't afraid of you, it was just..." her voice faded away, unsure of how to get her point across.

Miroku's smile widened. "Please, Kagome, don't apologize! I was not offended, merely afraid for you, and wanting to help. Put it in the past, and don't think of it again." He looked at her with every appearance of sincerity. "There is nothing to be sorry for."

Bowing, and smiling urbanely, he asked, "Would you ladies care to walk with me?"

Sango rolled her eyes, and Kagome actually let out a small giggle, at which Miroku smiled even wider. "Ah, my lady, it does my heart good to see you smile, and hear your laugh... please, feel free to laugh at me all you want, I will gladly play the fool," he said, gesturing extravagantly, and grinning like said fool.

At that, Kagome laughed outright, and even if it was a much more subdued thing than her usual effervescent laughter, all those that heard it felt a little lighter in their hearts. Taking Kagome's hand, Sango pulled her forward, leaving Miroku to play catch up, still with a ridiculous smile on his face.

Kaede nodded from her place atop the hill. This is what Kagome had needed. She needed to reconnect with her friends... with a sigh, she turned and headed into the forest. This part was going to be the most difficult, gods knew, dealing with Inuyasha always was.

Kaede smiled, remembering scenes from fifty plus years past...

Yes, Inuyasha had always been difficult, but all the more interesting for that. After all, who appreciated anything that came too easily?

Kaede walked under the trees, not heading in any certain direction, merely wandering aimlessly, knowing that Inuyasha would pick up her scent and find her much faster than she could ever hope to track him down. Since he knew that she had been caring for Kagome, as soon as he realized that she was here in the forest, he would come, wanting to know how she was.

What she wasn't prepared for was the absolute desperation on his face as he landed in front of her. He looked as though he hadn't had a moments' peace since the day Kagome had had that attack, and knowing him, he probably hadn't.

Poor Inuyasha... what a tangled web my sister wove all those many years ago.

It was a measure of how much he was suffering that he didn't demand answers right away, he looked as though he thought he'd have to beg for them - and as though he was absolutely willing to do so.

She sighed, shaking her head at him. "Do ye really think I would taunt ye with her condition, then refuse to tell ye anything, Inuyasha? Please do not look at me like ye are a whipped cur, I have done nothing to warrant your mistrust."

He looked surprised at this. "What are you talking about, old woman?" Growling, he asked, "And what's with the 'whipped cur' comment? I ain't no dog, Kaede." Then the pained look settled over his face again. "As for you keeping things from me about Kagome - I think you would, if you thought it was for the best. And that's okay, if it was better that way for her sake, then I'd let it go."

She nodded. "I know, Inuyasha. However, as much as this might surprise ye, I did not come here to play 'word games' with ye, as ye accused me of last time we spoke. I am simply here to say that Kagome has finally come out of my hut, and is visiting with the others."

She grabbed his sleeve before he could turn and run back towards the village.

"Listen to me, Inuyasha, before ye run off and cause more havoc. She is still fragile, and in some ways, more afraid to see ye than the others." As the whipped look reappeared on his face, she frowned.

"Not for the reason ye obviously believe, foolish dog. It is not that ye matter so little to her, it is that ye matter the most. But there is a great confusion in her heart, ye must understand, and it will take her time to heal from what has happened to her, so ye must be patient, and learn not to take offense so easily. Do ye understand?"

Inuyasha closed his eyes in pain. I know what she's saying, but how much more can I take? I hate myself for this, and I would do anything to bring Kagome back... MY Kagome, the way she used to be. But I can't, and now I know how it feels to truly be helpless. Damn!

He turned away from her for a moment, shoulders slumping with a mixture of grief and exhaustion. "Maybe," he said, hesitantly, "maybe I should just go. Would it be better, do you think, if I stayed away?" His voice was tight with pain, and Kaede knew it was the hardest question the young hanyou had ever had to ask.

"No, Inuyasha. She does need ye, more than ye will ever know. But ye must be prepared, this is not over, and there is much pain ahead." She stopped, waiting till he turned back and met her gaze before she spoke again.

"Are ye strong enough, boy? I asked Kagome the same thing - if ye are not strong enough to support her through this, all the way through this, then t'would indeed be best for ye to leave her with those that will stay the distance. At some point, Inuyasha, we may find out what happened to the girl. Ye must not fail her this time... no matter what ye learn, ye must deal with it, and not run from it or her."

Inuyasha clenched his fists, anger at the old Miko making his jaw clench. That she would doubt him...

And then he calmed, because the truth was, why shouldn't she doubt him? He'd already failed, and now, he would have to prove himself all over again. He noticed that she was still looking at him, and that her words had had a peculiar intensity to them.

He knew that she was asking for his vow, that no matter what, he would not fail this time.

Lifting his shoulders and setting his jaw, he nodded once, sharply. "I swear, Kaede. I will die before I fail her again. No matter what happens, I will find a way to deal with it and stay with her." And then he turned and ran towards the village, determined, yet vulnerable, and desperate to see her.

Kaede smiled to herself, shaking her head wryly as she winced with every step.

I am definitely getting too old for this.....

Inuyasha came to a halt as he reached the edges of the forest. He could see her, walking with Sango and Miroku, and his eyes closed as grief overran his heart... she looks so fragile, like she's struggling just to function. What did he do to you, my beautiful Kagome?

Taking a deep, calming breath, and opening his eyes, he stayed out of sight and simply watched her for a few minutes, trying to steel his heart - and knowing that if she did reject him, it was no more than he deserved, but deserving or no, he'd never be able to survive if he'd lost her because of his own stupidity.

In that moment, if anyone had been close enough, they would have seen haunted amber eyes, eyes that were completely open, with no barriers, probably for the first time in his entire life. Every emotion that was pouring through his heart, his soul, was perfectly mirrored in his eyes, as the sight of the raven-haired girl he'd had by his side for so long finally ripped away the last shield hiding his heart from the pain of life.

Shivering, shaking, the young man felt the full gamut of the emotions he had avoided since the day his mother died, all in that one moment, and he grimaced painfully, desperately trying to calm himself before going down to meet his purpose.

Because that's what she was, and he could no longer hide from that fact, not now that his heart had been opened.

She had been his purpose since the day she'd brought his body back to life.

And as if that hadn't been enough, she'd slowly brought his heart and soul back to life, too. Standing there, watching as she struggled to just be, he realized that his soul had been dead well before Kikyou's arrow had killed his body, and that she had not been able to breath life into it. That was a task that only Kagome could ever have accomplished - and she had. He owed her... everything. Simply everything.

With that thought, his heart calmed, and he was able to step forward, out of the trees, and face her.

He was finally ready to face his purpose in life.

Kagome.

One name, one woman, but everything to him.

Miroku looked up, noticing Inuyasha's youki almost instantly, and nodding to the hanyou, stepped back, pulling Sango with him. Kagome had stopped when he moved back, and turning her head, finally spotted him. She froze, and everyone could see how much his presence affected her.

Eyes wide, she looked over at Sango, pain and fear flickering in her gaze, desperately clinging to the safety of her friends' eyes, before closing her own. She concentrated on breathing in, then out for several seconds, trying to find her center, opening her eyes again as her heart stuttered, then steadied.

She looked at Miroku, and sighing, she nodded, at long last lifting her gaze to look at Inuyasha. It was almost the hardest thing she'd ever had to do. Meeting his gaze, she almost choked at the open emotion contained in his eyes, totally captivated, she didn't even notice when the others left.

I can see him.....

And then she remembered, and she ducked her head, shame filling her eyes.

I have no right to look at him, I'm tainted, disgraced! I'm no longer worthy to love him.

With a wince, she shrugged her shoulders uncomfortably before looking off to the side, refusing to meet his eyes again.

"So... did you find Kikyou?" She smiled, but it was painfully obvious that it was a fake smile, and Inuyasha felt pain wash through him at the sight of it. "I hope she was alright...?"

"Keh. She's fine, she was chasing Kanna." Stepping forward, he lifted a hand towards her, frowning when she flinched back. "Don't do that, wench. Don't hide from me, and don't flinch. I'm not gonna hurt you, you should know that by now," he said, gruffly, obvious emotion making his voice rough.

She turned her face away, stepping back away from him, trying to maintain her distance. "I know you won't hurt me - just don't touch me, Inuyasha. I'm... you just... please, just don't touch me."

At his gasp, she felt tears hit her cheeks and shook her head blindly, wanting him to understand but not knowing how to make him. "No, Inuyasha... please, it's not, I didn't mean it that way! It's not you! It's me - I just don't want to taint you!"

Backing further away from him, she inhaled sharply, refusing to give him the answer he so obviously wanted, desperately dashing the tears from her face. "Don't ask me, Inuyasha. I can't tell you what I mean, just take my word for it!"

Inuyasha shook his head, firmly stepping forward. "Listen to me, wench, and listen well! There is nothing on the face of this earth that could 'taint' you in my eyes, do you understand?! Nothing! And I will not stand by and let you think that." He cut her off as she went to speak.

"I'm the one that fucked up, Kagome, and I can never forget that!" He choked as the sight of her torment flayed across his heart like a whip. "Whatever happened, it was my fault, if anyone's tainted here, it's me, so don't fucking say that about yourself again!"

She shook her head, her expression suddenly fading, becoming blank. "And how was it your fault?"

He stared at her in amazement. "You can fucking ask me that? I left you alone, wench, that's how! I broke my promise! How much more fault do you want?!"

Kagome turned and began walking back towards Kaede's. Moving to walk beside her, he flinched when she let out a hollow chuckle. "Yes, well, we all have priorities, Inuyasha. You did what you felt you needed to. You don't owe me, after all, now do you? I'm responsible for myself."

At his indrawn breath, she shrugged unconcernedly. "Forget about it. Kikyou is your concern, not me, so don't feel you need to stick around - if you think she's in danger then I want you to feel free to go to her."

She jumped in surprise at his low growl. "No. Don't say that, wench. I'm not leaving your side again, ever, and I don't care who comes to call." She turned her head to look at him, shocked at the vehemence behind his words. They had all the impact of a vow spoken before the gods, and the golden eyes had a fire and determination she'd never seen before.

"I mean it, Kagome. Not even death will break this promise. If you die, then I'll follow you to whatever afterlife you end up in, and spend eternity protecting you there, too. So please don't think you'll ever get rid of me again, because you never will. Get used to it."

Shaking her head as if she was clearing her thoughts, she just smiled, an empty, mocking expession on her face. "I'm no longer worthy of such a vow, Inuyasha - if I ever was."

Inuyasha's heart clenched at her denial. It doesn't matter what you think, wench. I meant it. I already refused to go to hell with Kikyou months ago, but I'll follow you into the depths if I have to, and I've never meant anything more in my entire life.

And he followed behind her, refusing to let her get more than a few feet away from him.

You're afraid to let me touch you? Fine. I won't. But I'm not letting you out of my sight, and someday, I hope you'll trust me to touch you again, because I'll wait, Kagome... forever, if necessary.