InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Malice ❯ Watashi no na-ma-e wa des Kagome ( Chapter 9 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Chapter 9: Watashi no na-ma-e wa des Kagome
(My name is Kagome)

Ahh, yes. Kikyou. So, you think to help Kagome, do you? And what would you know of her, anyway? Has she not always been your rival? You have tried to kill her, and yet now, you think to save her from me? Naive woman.

Be grateful that it was Onigumo that desired you, and not I.

It is too bad, really. You are alive again, in a way, and yet, soon he will not be. I will destroy him. Last time, his destruction came at the hands of your betrayal. Because that's the truth of the matter, Kikyou. He didn't betray you, and he didn't kill you. But you did betray him, and you did seal him.

He never raised a hand to you... not once, but you wasted no time in sealing him, not even giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Did you know, woman, that his last thoughts were of you, and how he couldn't quite believe what had happened? It should have been him hating you, not you hating him. You threw away your only chance at happiness because you couldn't bring yourself to trust in him.

And this is the thing that brings joy to my heart. Because this time, his destruction will come about because of the woman he should have protected - and didn't, for your sake. The knowledge of what she has suffered at my hands will finish him, because he will know that this time, unlike the last, he did betray his promise.

This time, it is his fault.

I will make him see that, Kikyou, and then watch as it kills him.

Sango looked at Miroku, quietly motioning to him, knowing he would understand that she needed to speak to him. She smiled softly... since the time that he'd asked her to marry him - well, at least to live with him and bear his children, lecherous monk, she thought fondly, he had behaved much more respectfully towards her. Not that he didn't occasionally still try to grope, and he enjoyed walking a little behind her so he could watch, but he had stopped groping other women, and that was a good thing.

But now wasn't about them, she wanted to talk about the other two adults in their little family.

Miroku nodded and smiled at his beautiful fiance. He loved her so much, violent woman that she was, in fact, it was her strength, her fighting spirit that attracted him.

Kagome had said that women in her time were much more independant, but here, things were different. Women were subservient, and in a way, Miroku could see that he'd been almost destined to fall for Sango, because she was so different. Simply put, she stood out like a beacon of light in a dismal, grey world. And so, when she beckoned, he followed, even knowing her intent wasn't really for alone time - if she needed to talk, needed comfort, he would give her that, and be content just to sit by her.

Glancing at Inuyasha, he waited for him to nod before walking away with Sango. They walked a short distance from the others before settling comfortably on a small knoll. He waited for Sango to speak, wondering what exactly was on her mind.

He didn't have to wonder for long.

"I found something, Miroku, when I was going through Kagome's bag, getting the stuff for dinner." She noticed his raised brow and quickly waved her hands at him. "I wasn't snooping, monk, so don't even go there. You know that cd play-er thing she listens to music on? She always lets me listen to it when I'm cooking, so I took it and started listening." She shot him a disturbed look. "This time... the songs were wrong, Miroku. Nothing like Kagome at all, they were dark and frightening. It was like being inside a nightmare!"

Miroku frowned. This sounded like what Inuyasha had mentioned earlier, something about how it was dark, dreary, and freaky. "Did you bring the play-er with you? Maybe if I could listen for myself...?"

She nodded and handed the contraption to him, helping him put on the ear-phones, and turning it on for him. Listening, he understood what the others were afraid of, at least at first.

He started listening in the middle of a song, one talking about mirrors and the soul being caught on the other side of them. That one, while disturbing, actually fit very well with the situation between Kagome, Kikyou, and Inuyasha. Two women, mirror images, but different, not knowing if the man between them knew the difference.

The next song, while still dark, actually gave him some hope. The person singing was asking to be saved, to be brought back to life. After finishing that song, he took the device and handed it back to Sango.

He looked down at his hands, clasped around his staff, gathering his thoughts. "Sango, my love, what are you most afraid of?"

She looked at him consideringly for a moment, then looked away, before speaking softly. "I guess - that I'm going to lose my sister. I love her, Miroku, more than I ever thought I'd love any person again," she turned back and smiled slightly at his wry look. "Besides you, lecher, besides you." Her eyes darkened sadly.

"I've had to live with the fear that after we've defeated Naraku she'd be taken back to her home and I'd lose her that way but, gods, Miroku," she shook her head tiredly, "not like this. At least that way she'd go home whole and happy, safe, you know? Not like this."

"We all fear to lose people we love, because it hurts, and no one likes pain. I understand how you feel, I am very fond of Kagome, too. And why not? She has been the binding force in our lives since we all came together."

He shifted slightly, looking back over his shoulder towards camp for a moment, then continued. "At first, it was our desire to find shards and gain vengeance on Naraku that brought us in - but it's Kagome that's kept us here. To put it simply, Kagome is love." He smiled at her.

"Do you remember Horai island, and a little girl named Ai? I think that should have been Kagome's name, don't you? It would have suited her down to the ground." Reaching over with one hand, he grabbed Sango's, then looked at her. "I think... that you should just remember that about her, Sango, love. Think back to earlier. She was in a depression, upset and yet - what brought her out of it? Her caring for us, for what her upset was doing to those she loves."

Sango nodded. It was true... Kagome always wanted to put others before herself. She was love, incarnate. Was there a goddess of love? If there was, then she was named Kagome.

Miroku nodded, knowing the thoughts that were running through her mind. "Be worried, Sango. Show that you are, because it lets Kagome know we care, and that we need her. But do not become consumed by it, or by fear. I think... yes, I think that in the end, Kagome will be alright. Her love for all of us, and for her family on the other side of the well, and especially for Inuyasha, will pull her through. I really, truly believe this. We just need to stand by her and help her in any way we can."

She looked him in the eye for a moment, before smiling.

Yes... I think he's right. Not that we don't have a long road ahead, but - I think love will save her. And I will give her as much love as I can. Hopefully, it will be like a rope for her to hang onto when everything seems to be falling apart.

Don't worry, Kagome. You're not alone, and you never will be again. No matter what, my sister.

"Thanks, Miroku."

He smiled and held her hand for a moment, before rising to his feet and pulling her up with him. "I still need to talk to Inuyasha, remember? Let's head back, love."

She nodded. "Okay."

Walking back into camp, he met Inuyasha's eyes and motioned with his head to follow him, waiting while the hanyou glanced at Kagome, before stepping outside the circle of firelight.

Inuyasha looked at Miroku, folding his hands inside his sleeves, he rolled his shoulders and sighed. "Well, monk? What's the problem?"

Miroku studied the hanyou for a moment, before shrugging. "Shippou mentioned something earlier today before we left. He said that Kagome's scent is changing - would you know what he was talking about, Inuyasha?"

He was silent for a moment, not sure he wanted to speak about it. Her scent was one of the things that drew him to her, and the fact that it was changing, and not for the better was a sore spot with him.

He looked away for a moment, before turning back and meeting the monk's gaze firmly. "Yeah. I know what he's talking about. But why are you worried about it? It's not like you even know what Shippou and I mean, you with your weak human noses--"

He interrupted the hanyou, not interested in listening to insults about 'weak humans'. "It doesn't matter if I can smell what you're talking about, Inuyasha. It's another thing that shows that something's wrong with the girl that we all love."

Miroku was a little angered by the hanyou's manner, and his voice took on a sarcastic tinge.

"I know, I know, you don't love her, you love Kikyou, we all know, Inuyasha - but the rest of us do love her, and we want to know about these little things. Don't keep things from us."

Inuyasha's eyes widened for a moment before narrowing dangerously, and he pushed his way into Miroku's face. "Don't you ever presume to think you know how I feel about anything, monk." His voice going low and deadly, he stared at the man in front of him. "Kagome is my concern, not yours. You keep your attention where it belongs... on your woman, and off mine."

"Your woman, Inuyasha? Really? And when did that happen?" he asked, mockingly. "You don't want her, you've said it often enough."

Eyes beginning to bleed red, the hanyou grabbed the front of the monks robe and pulled him into his face, speaking with deadly intent. "Listen, Miroku, and listen well. Don't play stupid with me, despite what I've said in the past, you all know how I feel for Kagome, you've teased me about it enough, and you know the only reason I spent all that time denying it was because of your damned teasing."

He shook him slightly, getting angrier by the second. "You also know the debt I owe to Kikyou, and that that's made things difficult in my relationship with Kagome. So why are you throwing this shit in my face now?"

"Because you need to wake the hell up and get your priorities straight, Inuyasha, that's why - your time just ran out. You need to make your decision between the two." He shrugged his shoulders and straightened his robes as Inuyasha pushed him away and looked down at his feet.

"You can no longer afford to run between the two of them, you know. I guess the bottom line is this: which one do you think needs you the most? If you decide it's Kikyou, then go, now, and leave Kagome to us. Because she needs more than half-assed care from you, especially now, and if you can't give her your full attention, then don't give her any, because that's what you've been doing, and as you can see - it wasn't good enough."

Inuyasha looked up at Miroku suspiciously. "How did this discussion end up here from where it started?"

Miroku gestured to the sky, and looking up, Inuyasha understood immediately. "Shit! What the hell is she doing here? And why didn't I sense her?"

How could I have missed Kikyou's soul collectors? I'm losing it....

"I told you.. your time just ran out, Inuyasha. That's what I meant. You have to decide now." Miroku turned on his heel and walked back to the fire.

Yes... you have to decide now, because if you don't - Kagome might not ever come back, and I don't know if we could ever forgive you for that, Inuyasha.

Kikyou paused, she could feel from the touch in her soul that Kagome was now aware of her presence. Frowning, she became even more uneasy when she noticed the girl's reaction to her presence. There was none.

It was like she didn't care, and she knew that didn't bode well.

She had never spoken of it to Inuyasha, but she was well aware of his feelings for Kagome, and just as aware of Kagome's feelings for him. She had always envied the girl's ability to love so deeply, and freely, and without the fear that she herself had felt so long ago.

She knew perfectly well that Inuyasha came to her now out of a sense of responsibilty because he had vowed protection, that even though he still cared for her, he was no longer in love with her.

And that was okay.

Because the woman that had loved him didn't really exist anymore. She had clung to him in the beginning of her rebirth because he was the only familiar thing left, and she was frightened and alone. And because of hatred. None of those things applied anymore, and it was time to tell him that. She needed to free him from his vow to her, because, truth was, she didn't need him any longer.

She was finally free from all the ties to her old life, and was happy about it, because for her, it meant freedom, to be whatever she wanted.

For the first time in her life, then death, then life.

But first - Kagome.

She pushed her way through the trees, coming out into the meadow, she looked ahead to where she knew they had set up their camp, and sure enough, she could see the light from the fire. She could also see Inuyasha, standing protectively in between herself and the place where Kagome sat. She chuckled.

Honestly, Inuyasha, what do you think I'm going to do to her? Especially in front of everyone? Silly baka.

Moving forward, she walked towards them, stopping finally at the edge of the camp. She watched Inuyasha for a moment, then looked around the camp, noting the positions of the other two, hovering protectively near the girl, finally looking at Kagome herself. As she met the girl's eyes, she frowned, her face, usually pale, going even more pallid at what she saw in her.

Wrenching her gaze from Kagome's after a moment, she looked at Inuyasha and shook herself, fighting to maintain her normal stoicism.

"Inuyasha. I've come because I need to speak to Kagome - alone, please."

He looked at her incredulously. "Have you lost your mind, Kikyou? No way in hell I'm leaving her with you! What would make you think I'd ever do something so stupid?"

Ignoring the surprised looks from his other companions, she kept her gaze on him. "What do you think I'm going to do to her, Inuyasha?"

"I don't know, Kikyou, but I'm not lettin--" he broke off as Kagome pushed in front of him and walked towards the older Miko. "Kagome! What the hell do you think you're doing? Get the fuck back here!"

Completely ignoring him, Kagome studied Kikyou for a moment, then nodded sharply. "Walk with me then, Kikyou, if you wish to speak with me." Not looking back, she moved off into the meadow, leaving behind a flabbergasted group of people.

Kikyou watched her walk away for a moment, then turned to follow, calling back over her shoulder, "Do not worry, Inuyasha, we will stay in sight. I have no intention of harming her. Quite the contrary."

He watched them like a hawk as, true to her word, Kikyou stopped a short distance away, close enough to be seen, even in the dark, but far enough to be unheard.

If she makes even one move that I don't like....

Kikyou watched Kagome for a moment, wondering what was running through the girl's mind. The strange thing was, every time they had met before, the younger Miko had always acted as though she was a bit intimidated by her - and yet now, she didn't appear to be moved at all.

It was as if Kagome was suddenly the older, like she had, in just the few months since she had last been in her presence, aged by years.

What could Naraku have done to her?

It was hard to know for sure, since there were so many horrors at his command... who knew which he had used?

"Kagome."

Kagome turned and looked at her, studying the older woman as if seeing her for the first time. She tilted her head, the only expression evident on her face curiosity. Not fear, not sadness, just curiosity.

"What do you want, Kikyou?" She chuckled lightly. "You seem surprised that I'm curious as to why you're here... but yet, why wouldn't I be? It's not like you've ever sought me out before, well at least," a mocking smile crossed her face, "not unless you were trying to kill me. So why? Are you planning to kill me?"

She sounded only mildly curious, not at all afraid, and Kikyou was becoming more worried by the second. This was definitely not Kagome. Whatever Naraku had done, it was far more serious than she'd even thought.

Gazing at her sternly, she asked the same question she'd asked the girl once before. "Who are you? Are you... me?"

Rage flared in the brown eyes staring into hers as she answered. "My name is Kagome! I am not anyone else!"