InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Messed Up Romance ❯ Chapter 4

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

I know, I know, you guys are all so angry with me for keeping you from the goodies for so long, aren’t you? Well look no further, because here it is, finally the infamous ‘Kagome’s secrets revealed’ chapter. All is about to be revealed about our heroine’s secret backpack, and maybe a little more. Keep your pants on ladies and gentlemen because I will be showing you whom Kags falls for in the next chapter. This one is clearly meant to embarrass our girl. Oh, and to show a few more interesting little tidbits, like, I don’t know, whom Miroku and Sango will fall for maybe. Who knows, you’ll just have to read to find out.

Disclaimer: I am not saying it again. It’s the same as the last chapter.

When Miroku came out of the hut wearing that oh so confused look on his beautiful face, Sango was a little worried.

‘Maybe he didn’t find the cards, or was it something else? Oh no, didn’t Kagome tell me something about having something embarrassing in her backpack? She didn’t say what it was, but she told me she would die if Inuyasha would ever find it in there. I guess that’s why she was always telling Shippo to stay out of her bag all the time. And here I thought it was because she didn’t want him to gorge himself on the candy she always brought him.’

Sango began to laugh. She quickly caught herself and started trying to stifle her laughter. It came out as a snort that made her feel like laughing even harder.

Miroku was more than a bit intrigued by her little snort. ‘Aww, that’s so cute, my lovely Sango just snorted. Wait a minute, why was she just laughing? Does she know about the mysterious things I found in that bag?’

“Sango, do you know what those things are for that I found in Kagome’s backpack? If you do, please tell me, I am at a loss as to why Kagome would have such perverted things in her possession. At least I think they’re perverted, I have to admit, I don’t know exactly what all those things are.”

Sango managed to rein in her laughter just enough to stare at Miroku in wonder.

‘What in the world is he talking about?’ “Miroku what kind of perverted things could Kagome possibly have in her backpack? I don't believe that for a second. Kagome would never own anything like…..”

Miroku cut her off just as her mind was about to click. ‘That must be what she didn't want Inuyasha to see.’

“You don’t believe me Sango?” Poor Miroku looked as though he were hurt that she would brush him off so easily. “Wait right here, I’ll go get the culprit and show you myself exactly what I mean.”

Miroku walked back into the hut and returned in lightning speed. He looked almost like a kid in a candy store.

‘This is it; finally, I’m going to prove to Sango, once and for all, that I’m not the only pervert in our little group. Even our dear sweet Kagome can be a little on the perverted side. We all know how perverted Inuyasha can be. I can hear him sometimes when he thinks no one is near. It’s always her name he’s calling out. At least I don’t do stuff like that. I have never felt the need to… umm… you know. That’s because I always have hoards of girls following me, but, then again, oh hell, who am I kidding, I never actually take the girls that throw themselves at me. It’s always the hard to get girls that drive me wild, and there in lies the problem. I have no girl willing to pleasure me, and those that are; they are the few that are trying to throw themselves at me. I am then forced to….. umm, you know, take matters into my own…. (blush) hands.’ (I’m sorry guys; I’m such a pervert sometimes.)

(This little tidbit of information explains a lot, doesn’t it? My theory is correct; Miroku gets off on women rejecting him, hence the reason he’s always smiling after Sango slaps him. If he really hated being slapped, don’t you guys think he would have stopped groping her by now, or at least told her exactly how he feels about her so she would let him fondle her? It’s just a thought.)

“Miroku, what’s going on? Are you going to show me what you found in that bag, or what; and why are you blushing like that all of a sudden. What’s going on in that lecherous head of yours?”

“What’s going on in my head??” Miroku got another bit of a sparkle in his very pretty, lavender eyes. “In due time my dear Sango, in due time.”

Miroku looked through the bag and proceeded to pull out various items. ‘Where is it; it was just here.’

One thing after another was pulled out of the little bag; it seemed to be crammed more than any backpack had a right to. Sango looked through the things as he pulled them out. ‘Kagome’s hair brush, her bunny slippers, and her bible. Nothing perverted yet, what’s he talking about?’

(Why does Kagome have a bible in her bag? I had to have some semblance of goodness in this here fic. I’ve drug my God through the muck and mire with this one. He goes everywhere with me after all. I should be ashamed; I am a little.)

Oh no, what is this, Kagome’s box of tampons? Remembering what Kagome told her they were used for; Sango’s face started getting hot. Fortunately, Miroku was too involved in what he was doing to notice the pretty blush that had crept across her visage.

“Ahah, here it is my dear.” Miroku pulled out a pink box. It had strange writing on it that neither Miroku nor Sango were able to read. Written in English, were the words:

‘Happy birthday Kagome, we hope you enjoy this little gift. Maybe you can use some of this stuff with your hunky boyfriend. You know the one that stole you from Hojo? He is cuter than Hojo, we have to admit, but be careful when putting them on Kagome. You don’t want any problems sneaking up on you.’

Love, Eri, Ayumi, and Yuka

Miroku opened the box and presented Sango with another box with the words ‘dual pleasure’ written on it. This was in Japanese so Miroku was able to read it. He read the box aloud to Sango. “For the safety of you and your partner against sexually transmitted diseases, it is recommended that you wear a condom every time during intercourse. For added protection it is recommended that you use a birth control pill, as not every condom is a 100 percent guaranty against unwanted pregnancies.”

Sango looked as though she were about to faint. All the blood had rushed to her head, so that now her face was the color of a ripe, red delicious apple.

Miroku continued pulling things out of the box. ‘Oh no, there’s more.’ Sango looked on in horror as Miroku pulled yet another embarrassing thing out of the offensive, pink box. All though, she didn’t know what in the world this thing could be.

“I have no idea what this is; we’ll just put this aside for now. I found this book in here too. It’s called ‘The Art of Sexual Exploration’; I wonder what this could be. Sounds pretty perverted to me. What about you Sango?”

Miroku looked over to where Sango had curled up into a little ball on the ground. He smiled as he heard her whispering. “Oh no, it can’t be. Kagome is as much a pervert as Miroku. Does this mean that I’m now surrounded by these depraved perverts?”

Miroku decided it was best to leave her to her reverie. He read the first chapter of the book ‘Woman Know Thyself’. It was a fascinating chapter, filled with all kinds of information on what a woman likes and does not like when she is exploring herself. The next chapter in particular was a little confusing; it stated something about using something called a rabbit.

Miroku raised an eyebrow in concentration. ‘She uses a bunny for pleasure? How would that work? This is rather confusing. Wait a minute, that other box I pulled out…. What was it called again?’

Miroku grabbed the box that he set aside earlier and read the name on the front of it. It said ‘Rabbit’ on it. He began reading the directions on the box. ‘This is so intriguing; I wonder if I can get Sango to let me try this out with her.’

Just as Miroku was about to flip to the next chapter, he heard something approaching. He quickly put everything back into the box and put all of Kagome’s things back into her bag the way he found it, as best he could. Being the pervert that he is, Miroku opened the box of condoms and pulled a few out to use just in case. He stuffed them in his pocket and rushed to put the backpack back into the hut right where he found it.

He was more than a little relieved when he saw that it wasn’t Kagome and the others returning, but it was Lady Kaede. ‘Phew, I was worried that I would get caught there for a moment.’

Kaede walked over to Miroku and stared at him with a look that said, ‘I know ye are up to something monk.’ “Monk, why do ye look so flushed and seem like ye are out of breath?”

“Uh, no reason Lady Kaede.” Then he remembered the reason for Inuyasha and Kagome’s absence. “Lady Kaede something happened to us on the way back to the village from Kagome’s well.”

In the meantime, Naraku had just tuned into the conversation via Khana’s mirror. “The monk and the old priestess, perhaps I could make the monk fall for her. Oh what to do, what to do. I’m having a lot more fun with this than I thought I would.”

Miroku had just finished explaining their predicament. “I see, well, we should be able to stop Naraku if we find a demon that is capable of canceling out Naraku’s spell. I don’t think that putting up a spiritual barrier will help in this case since the others are out there looking for me without any barrier. We would still have to find a way to stop this spell. Ye can’t live in a spiritual barrier my boy.”

“You're right, I would get tired after a while and we both know that you’re not as young as you used to be Lady Kaede.”

Kaede was a little annoyed by his comment about her age. “Young man, I am indeed much older than ye, but that only means I have much more experience than ye.” As she stared at him, her expression began to change. There was a hint of something other than annoyance in her eyes. “I do indeed have much more experience than ye. If only ye knew the number of men that have sampled these lips in my youth.”

Miroku’s mouth was wide open. She sidled up to the unsuspecting young man. She reached out and rested her hand firmly on his backside. Miroku wheeled around and lost his balance falling to the ground and pulling her down with him. He lay there in a daze on top of her.

“Well my boy, this is a pleasant surprise. I had no idea that ye had the same kind of inkling as I.”

Miroku scrambled to get up, but the old woman kept him there, all the while, she continued palming his tush. He was getting very red faced and not out of anger.

Sango looked up from her ball just in time to see Miroku falling on top of the old woman. “Miroku, what the hell are you doing with Kaede; and why is she groping you?”

Miroku looked at Sango with the cutest puppy dog eyes; he looked so cute that it made her giggle. “Help me Sango, please. Lady Kaede is possessed.”

Through fits of giggles, Sango finally managed to pry the priestess’ hands off her favorite hotties tush.

As Miroku stood, Sango had to jump in front of him, as Kaede tried again to lunge at the poor guy.

(Here we are, in the castle again.)
“This is just too good.” Naraku was rolling on the floor laughing. “I knew it would be funnier to have the old hag fall in love with the monk instead. Poor monk, this is going to haunt him for the rest of his life. I doubt he will ever be able to look at a woman the same way again.”

(He obviously doesn’t know Miroku as we do. Nothing will ever keep him away from the ladies, except maybe for Sango’s glares.)

“I shall see how the miko is doing. Kana I want to see Inuyasha’s wench now. What?? How did that happen?”


I wonder what could have surprised Naraku like that. You’ll all just have to wait until next time. I already know what he was surprised by, but you don’t. (Sticks tongue out at readers.) Am I right; was it funnier to have Miroku on the receiving end of such unwanted advances? Please review.