InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Metamorphosis ❯ Assumptions and Revelations ( Chapter 22 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: King Baka 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Suspense / Romance / Hentai / Adventure | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 03.24.2009 | Updated On: 01.11.2011 | Pages: 6 | Words: 11.3K | Visits: 3.7K | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Suspense / Romance / Hentai / Adventure | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 03.24.2009 | Updated On: 01.11.2011 | Pages: 6 | Words: 11.3K | Visits: 3.7K | Status: Completed
Disclaimer: I don’t own Inuyasha or any of the publicly known characters, plot, etc. I’m just renting them from Rumiko Takahashi, Viz, etc. I do own the plot of this story and any original characters I’ve created. I will make no money from this fic; I write for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of my readers.
little_white_kitsune: I didn’t think it was that bad either, but better safe than sorry. At least this way if somebody gets sick on me I can say “I warned you!” The jury is still out on the siblings, but you’re probably in the minority. More reviewers seem to be glad they’re history. It’s too bad; I got pretty fond of them myself.
sango_gurlie: I agree that it would be cool to see a picture of hanyou Kagome, but unfortunately I have zero talent for drawing. Any fanart is going to have to come from someone else, unless you want a stick figure with two triangles on the head.
Kudos to youkaineko for predicting the Daichi clothes-getting trip way back when we first met him.
Assumptions and Revelations
“Kami, Kagome! What happened?!”
Kagome sighed; she had known her mother would react like that. Her youkai healing powers had done wonders on her skin, but she still looked like her whole body had been badly sunburned. Her face was almost back to normal, having endured the least contact with the acid. She had been very lucky that none of the noxious stuff had gotten in her eyes. Even so, it appeared as if she’d spent an entire day lying on the beach without any sunscreen. Her clueless friends might buy that cover story, but it wasn’t going to cut it with her mother.
“Nothing serious, Mama. Just a small…accident.”
The older woman frowned skeptically. “A ‘small accident?’ I thought youkai healed faster than humans. If this happened yesterday, it must have been pretty bad for you to still look like that. Now tell me the truth!”
Kagome sighed again. Her mother was far too observant sometimes. Seeing no way around it, she related the events of the previous night, starting with the youkai attacking her in the forest. Her mother interrupted her partway through the story.
“He swallowed you?! As in my little girl was eaten alive?! Where is that Inuyasha? We need to have a nice, long talk.”
“No, Mama! It wasn’t Inuyasha’s fault! I…I wandered off into the forest by myself. Inuyasha thought I’d come through the well. I called for him, and he saved me. So if you should be mad at anyone, it’s me.”
“Believe me, I am. Come on, Kagome! I thought you were smart enough to not go wandering around the feudal era by yourself.”
“I know, I know! It won’t happen again. I just…needed to be alone at the time,” she mumbled solemnly.
“Why? Did you two have a fight?”
Kagome nodded. “The biggest one ever.”
“Ah, I see. So that’s what you two were yelling about in the bathroom.”
Kagome seized violently; her mother just had to say that as she was taking a sip of her tea. And now she was choking on it.
“Breath, Kagome,” her mother teased, earning her a spiteful glare from the miko.
“You knew he was in there with me?!” Kagome asked, flushing more from indignation than from embarrassment.
“Kagome, you two were so loud that I think the whole neighborhood knew. What I want to know is why he was in the bathroom. You were bathing, weren’t you?”
Now Kagome was blushing entirely from embarrassment. But she was reassured by the total lack of censure in her mother’s tone. The older woman appeared to be simply curious.
“The youkai hit me with a kind of temporary paralysis attack, so I couldn’t move. And I was covered in stomach acid, so Inuyasha had to…wash it off in a pond. Then he brought me here and made a medicinal soak in the tub. That’s what that awful smell was.”
“Hmmm,” Mrs. Higurashi pondered thoughtfully.
“Don’t worry! He didn’t do anything inappropria—”
“Of course not.”
“Mama?” Kagome questioned, surprised by such a confident declaration. Mrs. Higurashi favored her daughter with a serious smile.
“Kagome, if I thought Inuyasha was the type of man who would take advantage of you, do you really think I’d let you go through the well? What kind of mother do you think I am?”
“Uh, the best ever!”
“Flattery will get you nowhere, dear. So, are you two going to be okay?”
“I think so. Eventually.”
“Good. And I guess you’re right; Inuyasha didn’t do anything wrong. You need to be more careful, young lady! Now go to school, and try to have a good time.”
“Yes, Mama,” Kagome replied, relieved that this conversation had gone so well. She was still apparently allowed to go back to the past! Not that she was sure a parental prohibition on the action would stop her at this point. Did anything in this world have the power to prevent her from seeing Inuyasha?
“And Kagome?”
“Yes, Mama?”
“Don’t let me hear you swear like a drunken sailor ever again.”
Kagome sweatdropped. “Yes, Mama.”
“Oi, Daichi! You in there?”
“Inuyasha?” the bear youkai inquired as he emerged from the cave. “It is you! Come on in. What brings you to these parts? Where is your pack?”
“They stayed behind. I came alone ‘cause I didn’t want to spend days getting here. I’m calling in that debt you owe me.”
“Oh?” Daichi wondered as the two men settled comfortably on the fur-covered floor. “How can I be of service?”
“Kagome decided to stay a hanyou.”
“I see,” Daichi replied, appearing not the least bit shocked. Apparently, that announcement wasn’t the bombshell Inuyasha thought it was.
“Wh-why aren’t you surprised?”
“Because I’m not an ignorant dope. Only a complete baka wouldn’t have seen her decision coming.”
Inuyasha’s eyebrow twitched dangerously. “A complete baka, huh?”
Finally, Daichi seemed to realize the peril he was in. “Well, I…ah, what the hell. Yes, you are a complete baka for not foreseeing that this would happen.”
“Oh, and I suppose you knew all along that Kagome would choose to remain hanyou?”
“Of course we did,” came a familiar voice from Inuyasha’s shoulder, just before he felt a pinprick on his neck. *Smack* He pulled his hand away, revealing his old flea youkai vassal.
“Myouga! What are you doing here?”
“He’s been hanging around ever since you last left,” Daichi answered. “I don’t know how he’s avoided Sakura for so long.”
“It’s easy when you’re a flea. You must have noticed that I had stayed behind, Inuyasha-sama.”
A blank look from the hanyou was his only reply.
“Come now, Inuyasha-sama. Surely you must have realized that your loyal servant was no longer by your side?”
*Blink* *Blink*
“Waaaaaa! I am so unappreciated! All my years of service wasted! What cruel and ungrateful master—” *Smash* “Ugh…such is the life of a flea.”
Inuyasha flicked the flattened flea off his palm onto Daichi. “There, now he’s yours to deal with.”
“Gee, thanks.”
After a moment of silence, Inuyasha spoke up again. “So you guys really knew Kagome was going to end up wanting to be hanyou?”
Daichi nodded. “Don’t feel too bad, Inuyasha. It’s probably something that becomes harder to see the closer you get to a person. I’m sure you were opposed to the idea at first, what with your past and all,” he said, Inuyasha’s grimace confirming that suspicion. “And I suppose you had a big fight about it, too.” Again, Inuyasha’s forlorn expression verified that notion. “And now you want me to make her some clothes, right? Oh, how romantic! You want to get her a present to make up with her!”
“I-it’s not—”
“Oooh, are you two getting closer? Have you asked her to be your mate yet?”
“Wh— NO!!!”
“Why not? You shouldn’t wait too long, you know. Honestly, my son courted his mate for years before finally gathering up the courage to ask her. I thought they’d never—”
“SHUT UP!!!!!!” When his own mortification-induced heavy breathing was the only sound in the cave, Inuyasha took a calming breath and continued. “No, I haven’t asked Kagome…that. And it’s not a present! She asked me to teach her how to fight. And if she’s gonna fight like a youkai, then she’s gonna need some tough clothing. It’s not a fucking present!”
Daichi grinned. You know, Inuyasha, the more you say it, the less convincing you are.
“But you sprinted all the way out here. Did you even tell her where you were going? Does she know why you’re here?”
“Uh…no.”
Daichi smirked. “I see. So it’s a surprise, but not a present. Uh-huh.”
“Shut the fuck up,” Inuyasha growled. The damn bear’s irritating chuckle almost drove him to screw the whole plan and storm out of the cave. But imagining the look on Kagome’s face as he handed her new clothes to her stopped him. As much as he wanted to deny it, Daichi was right. It really was a gift. Just thinking of her reaction made him break out in a cold sweat. Why? Why was he so nervous? Why did he care whether she liked her present or not? Why had he been so damn excited last night when he came up with the idea? In retrospect, it probably hadn’t been the smartest strategy to leave in the middle of the night without giving a reason, but hopefully she wouldn’t hold it against him when he returned and explained himself.
“Very well, Inuyasha. I shall make Kagome the finest clothes she has ever seen! She will have armour rivaling your haori and hakama in strength!”
Nodding his thanks, Inuyasha stood to leave the weaver to his work.
“One one condition,” Daichi’s voice boomed, stopping him in his tracks.
“A condition? No fucking way! You owe me, bastard!” he seethed.
“I was only going to ask you to keep me company. It gets lonely around here with only me and Sakura,” he lamented, ignoring Myouga as much as Inuyasha had. “I just wanted someone to talk to.”
Inuyasha scowled, feeling waves of guilt wash over him. “Fine, dammit!” he yelled, plopping down on the floor, arms and legs crossed and a pout adorning his features.
“And I wanted to ask you a few questions,” Daichi added mischievously.
With a sinking feeling, Inuyasha got the distinct impression that the interrogation had been the older youkai’s goal the whole time. Had the whining about loneliness been just an act? Shit, what did I just agree to?
It wasn’t so bad at first. Daichi asked about the Inu-gang’s recent adventures as he looked through his collection of furs and fabrics at the back of the cave. He was happy to learn that Takehiko and Sora had been defeated, and Aoi’s dagger recovered. He even offered to take the cursed thing off Inuyasha’s hands and return for it him, an offer the hanyou readily accepted. He figured the weapon had been stuffed inside his kosode for long enough. Of course, the conversation didn’t remain within Inuyasha’s comfort zone for long.
“So,” Daichi began, “how is Kagome?”
“Fine,” Inuyasha replied grumpily, hoping Daichi would drop this line of questioning. No such luck.
“Are you two…getting along?”
Inuyasha hesitated for a moment. “More or less.”
“What does that mean?”
“Well, like you said, we got in a fight. And I did something really stupid,” Inuyasha admitted, his ears drooping. “I hurt her, and I don’t think she’s completely forgiven me yet.”
“Oh, well I’m sure she’ll forgive you soon,” Daichi replied, smiling reassuringly.
“Keh.”
By this time, Daichi had selected some fabrics and was beginning to work. He did everything by hand, cutting with his claws and measuring by eye. His large hands, seemingly so ungainly and maladroit, moved with great speed and precision. His movements with thread and needle were almost too quick to discern.
“So, Inuyasha, are you looking for something with long sleeves or some garments similar to what Kagome was wearing the last time you visited?”
Inuyasha frowned; there were good arguments for both alternatives. A set of hakama and a long-sleeved kosode would certainly offer more protection, which would be important during her training and any future battles she might get into. On the other hand, he would miss those long, luscious legs if she covered them up. He blushed furiously, and unfortunately Daichi noticed, chuckling in amusement.
“You were thinking something hentai, weren’t you?”
“N-NO!” Somehow, that retort lacked Inuyasha’s usual conviction. Daichi smirked, but decided to let it slide.
“Hm, I suppose I could make a couple sets of each.”
“Just how long do you think I’m staying here?” Inuyasha inquired irritably.
“How long do you think it takes me to make a set of clothing?” Daichi challenged.
Inuyasha shrugged. “Dunno. I want to be back in two or three more days at the most.”
Daichi nodded. “That’s plenty of time to make several sets of garments.”
“Really? You’re that fast?”
“Inuyasha,” Daichi admonished, “I’ve been doing this for hundreds of years, so of course I’ve become proficient at it. I made the clothes you now wear, and who do you think made Sesshoumaru’s outfit? Basically, if you see a high-ranking youkai today, chances are he or she is wearing something I fashioned. I’m that good.”
“A little full of yourself, aren’t you?”
“You’re one to talk. Now, do you have any preference in color?”
Inuyasha shrugged. “Not really. Oh, wait! No red hakama and white kosode!” he exclaimed. The ‘darkness in Kagome’s heart’ concerning Kikyou hadn’t reared its ugly head in quite some time, and he wanted to keep it that way. Getting Kagome clothes that would make her look like the dead miko definitely wouldn’t help matters. The last thing he wanted was for Kagome to be like Kikyou. They were so different.
Daichi spared him a quizzical glance, but otherwise didn’t comment on this strange request. “Okay, does Kagome always wear that dark blue and yellow ensemble? Those would just be horrible colors for traditional clothes.”
“Nah, she only started wearing those recently. She always used to wear green and white.”
“Ah, much better. Green and white it is!”
So engrossed had the two men become in discussing fabric that Inuyasha had almost forgotten his previous apprehension regarding Daichi’s line of questioning. He was rudely reminded.
“Hey, Inuyasha, how do you feel about Kagome?”
Inuyasha nearly bit his tongue off as his whole body went rigid in shock and dread. He had been afraid Daichi would ask something like that, but he hadn’t expected it to come so suddenly out of the blue. Of course, his answer was going to be the same either way.
“None of your damn busine—”
“You’re right,” Daichi interrupted, “it isn’t any of my business. But I think it would be beneficial for you to think about the answer for a change.”
“What the hell are you talkin’ about?”
At this, Daichi set aside his work and turned to face the hanyou fully. “Answer me this, Inuyasha. How long have you known Kagome?”
“More than a year. Why?”
“And you two are more than just simple friends?”
“Uh…I guess.”
“So how close are you?”
“…”
“See! You can’t even give me a straight answer! Kami, Myouga was right! Your head is so far up your ass that you’re starting to digest your own ears!”
Inuyasha winced; Daichi didn’t realize how close to home that comment hit. He didn’t want to think about anything or anyone getting digested for awhile. It just added to his rapidly mounting irritation, a large part of it directed at his blabbermouth of a vassal. That flea is so dead. But for the moment, he had bigger fish—or bear—to fry.
“Why the hell do you care? You barely even know me!”
It was clear Daichi wanted to continue the shouting match, but he forcibly reigned in his temper. “Sorry,” he murmured, shoulders slumping. “You’re right; I don’t really have a right to be lecturing you. I hope you’ll listen to my advice anyway, though.” Not hearing any objection from the hanyou, he sighed. “I already told you about my son. The baka almost let his soul mate slip through his fingers. He was like you, content to let things go on as they were, infatuated with the status quo. And his mate almost settled for another man because she didn’t think he would ever want to take the next step in their relationship. If I hadn’t intervened, and yanked his head out of his ass, then he’d probably still be living here, moping around the cave all day and pining for missed opportunity. So that’s why I’m being hard on you, because I see a lot of my baka son in you.”
Daichi glanced away, staring at the cave wall with sorrow in his eyes and a miserable expression on his face. “I also know what it’s like to lose a mate,” he confessed. Inuyasha could only sit there stunned as the other man choked back his emotion. “She died about thirty years ago. Sometimes I wonder how I’m going to live for another few hundred years without her…” After a few seconds of silent reflection, he started and came back to himself. “The point is,” he declared, meeting Inuyasha’s gaze once more, “that you can’t afford to waste any kind of opportunity. If you love someone, you need to act on it. Cherish every moment with them, because once they’re gone, they’re gone forever.”
Inuyasha couldn’t help but sympathize. He knew loneliness well, and it appeared Daichi did too. Normally hidden beneath the cheerful, upbeat exterior was a man still mourning for the loss of his soul mate, and a devoted father who didn’t want see anyone else experience his pain. In the end, Inuyasha couldn’t think of anything to say, so he waited for Daichi to break the now stifling silence. And when he finally did, it was a bombshell.
“So…do you love her?”
And there it was, the question Inuyasha feared the most, the one he had been dancing around for so long. When had he first realized he might love Kagome? He couldn’t say exactly; after awhile it had just become obvious to him, as clear as the necessity to put any determination of his feelings aside and focus on the quest for the Shikon no Tama. But was that really the right thing to do? Was he hurting both Kagome and himself by being, as Daichi put it, ‘infatuated with the status quo?’ He knew ‘I don’t know’ was the easy answer, a way to avoid truly considering his feelings for a change. Yet, his life had been incredibly difficult, so he felt justified in seeking simplicity wherever he could find it. Well, maybe things weren’t so hard anymore. It was easy to be in Kagome’s presence, to comfort her when she was sad, fight with her when she was angry, or smile when she was happy. Hell, even getting ‘osuwari’d’ couldn’t make him stop experiencing the simple joy of being by her side. It was true that thinking about his feelings definitely had the potential to complicate things, but was that really bad? Perhaps it was time to ‘pull his head out of his ass’ and do some serious soul searching. But at that moment, Daichi was waiting for an answer, and Inuyasha had only one to give, even though it shamed him to speak it.
“I…I don’t know.”
Daichi nodded, no judgment present in his brown eyes. “Fair enough,” he said. Then the bear turned and resumed his project, seeming to understand that Inuyasha needed some time to himself.
So how did he feel about Kagome? It was such a simple question, yet it conjured up a full array of emotions. Happiness. Being with Kagome made him happy, plain and simple. She could turn his insides to jelly with just a smile, or set his heart beating a mile a minute on the smallest pretext. Tranquility. She calmed the stormy seas of his past, tamed his wild nature. With Kagome, he could relax and be himself. Acceptance. Kagome accepted him as no other had since his mother. Because of her, he had friends he would give his life for, and he knew they would do the same for him. She knew more about him than any other, and he could be confident in claiming the same about her. He even knew that she loved him, which added a whole new layer to his conundrum. But there were many different meanings to the word ‘love.’ Love among friends, love among family members, love among lovers, or love among mates; Kagome could have meant any of these when she declared her love for him to Naraku’s baby that day. Fear. This was by far the most unsettling of the emotions that flashed through his mind. It was old, grounded in his past, and multi-layered. He feared his feelings, that he would discover something that would lead to him getting hurt. What if he had misread Kagome, and she didn’t desire him in the way he thought? Attraction didn’t mean she wanted to spend her life with him. The fear of rejection had indeed burrowed deep into his heart.
But he realized now that such a fear was ridiculous. How could Kagome reject him if he never told her he loved her, if that was even true? She certainly wouldn’t reject him for being a hanyou; the fact that she wanted to remain one told him as much. But he had already known that beyond any shadow of a doubt, which only made him feel all the more guilty for throwing her full-youkai comment back in her face during their argument. It had been a split-second decision, and a stupid one at that. He wondered how she could continue to forgive him even after all the stupid shit he’d done. Maybe she really did love him enough to want to spend her life with him.
That thought once again returned him to the question of what he wanted. He sighed wistfully. It would be so easy to do what he usually did when his musings became too tough—procrastinate. Put it off for another day, until after the jewel quest was completed. But this time he refused to do that. He needed to clear all the clutter away from his heart and truly look at it, discern what he really wanted. Not for Daichi, not for Kagome, not for anyone else, but for himself, for the simple reason that he had never done it before. Okay, maybe it was a little for Kagome. After all, she wasn’t going to stay in the feudal era forever. She would go back to her world and live a normal life, unless someone gave her a reason to stay. He knew he could be the one to give her that reason.
But did he want to? The thought of Kagome marrying some puny human, lying with another man, having his children…it boiled his blood, made him want to tear something to shreds or bash his head against a tree to knock the horrible images from his mind. He couldn’t believe he used to deny his jealousy. Had he really tried to convince everyone—and himself—that he wasn’t jealous of the attention Kagome gave that stinking wolf? Had he really been such a fool? The answer was glaringly obvious. But was it just jealousy, or was it something deeper? Was it just physical attraction, or something more passionate? Was it friendship, or was it…love?
And what of Kikyou? Was what he felt for Kikyou love? At one point in time he had thought so. She too had accepted him in a way that he had not experienced since his mother’s passing decades earlier. And Kagome had taken that acceptance to a whole new level. He had become close with Kikyou, but never too close. She would not have tolerated any of the casual touching he enjoyed with Kagome; her status as a trained miko would not have allowed it. Except for a few exceptions, he had always maintained a respectable physical distance from Kikyou. And that in turn reinforced the emotional gap between them. It helped lead to an incomplete sense of trust, and left them easy prey for Naraku’s sinister tactics. Yes, Kikyou had accepted him, but only because he was part human. He had no doubt that she would have killed him without blinking an eye if he was full youkai. He shuddered at the thought of Kikyou witnessing one of his full-youkai rampages. If she somehow wasn’t driven to kill him, she would at the very least no longer associate with him.
Yet, Kagome had not only seen him slaughter humans in bloodlust, but had comforted him afterwards. She hugged him, told him she understood, and even aided him in his quest to grow stronger and keep his youkai blood under control. She stayed by his side, even though she knew he could transform into a mindless beast any time Tetsusaiga was knocked from his grasp. She did all this, not caring for her own safety, but only thinking of him. Even when she was planning their future together, Kikyou had never been so selfless. Asking him to become human for her was, on the surface, a way to discharge her duty to guard the jewel and allow her to be with him as a normal woman. But they both knew the real reason; she would never agree to be his mate. She would be his wife only if he first removed the taint of his youkai blood. Kagome had never been so selfish.
And she had never forced him to choose between her and Kikyou, either. With Kagome, he got to have his cake and eat it too. Even though it was extremely unfair to her, she actually asked him if she could remain with him despite his obligations to Kikyou. Obligations… Had his relationship with Kikyou devolved to mere duties and responsibilities? He embraced his duty to protect her, but what of his other self-imposed responsibility to join her in hell? Would he really abandon everything he had in this world, everything he had gained since Kagome freed him from Kikyou’s seal, to follow his former love into hell? Again, the answer was painfully clear.
No, he would not. He now realized that his obligations to Kikyou did not extend nearly that far. Her death had been her own fault as much as it had been his. Naraku’s trick would not have worked if Kikyou did not already harbor the belief that her hanyou companion could betray her. Their suspicions of each other had cost them dearly. Kikyou had been struck down by Naraku’s hand, and she in turn had pinned him to the tree. And what of that arrow? Even mortally wounded, Kikyou should have had enough strength to completely purify him, and the shaft of an arrow through his then-mortal chest would have ended his life. So why had she instead plunged him into eternal sleep, to hang in limbo for all time, never to pass on to the afterlife? He used to think it was because of their connection that she was unable to kill him, but now another possibility entered his mind. What if Kikyou had chosen to deny him the afterlife on purpose, to condemn him to an eternity of nothingness as punishment for his betrayal?
Either way, it didn’t really matter now. He was definitely not going to hell with her. They barely had a relationship anymore as it was. If he could go back and change something…he wouldn’t. He surprised himself with that realization, but it was the truth. He bemoaned Kikyou’s awful fate, but he could not bring himself to regret the collapse of their dream of living together as man and wife. Not when he had Kagome, with whom he shared a companionship that was closer in every way. Even in his darkest moments, he could never doubt Kagome. She had proven that she would never betray or abandon him, sticking by him even in the most frightening circumstances. She had brought him back from the brink on more than one occasion, at great risk to herself. She was the first person since his mother to learn of his human night, just one of many reasons the young miko held a special place in his heart. And if he and Kikyou could turn on each other so easily, and he could now cast her aside, then was what they shared really love? He needed to stop asking himself these obvious questions.
No, it was not. How could it have been? Long-lasting relationships were not founded on mutual loneliness, and they certainly weren’t poisoned by prejudice and lack of trust. If you loved someone, you didn’t ask them to give up half of themselves for you. Still, hadn’t he done just that to Kagome yesterday? But that was different; he thought forcing her to change was for her own good. He now fully supported her decision to remain hanyou, and would never again let her think otherwise. She was the center of his world, and last night his existence had nearly ended. For those brief moments when he thought she was dead…his world had literally been collapsing around him. His anguish at Kikyou’s second passing paled in comparison. He felt guilt for Kikyou, but he felt soul-crushing sorrow for Kagome. Maybe that was taking it too far. Kikyou’s death had saddened him greatly, but that didn’t change the fact that he had felt so much more when he thought Kagome was gone. Similarly, he also felt so much more for her at every other time as well. When had it happened? When had Kagome become such an integral part of his life? When had she become more important than Kikyou?
Inuyasha started, realizing what he had been thinking about. Whoa, whoa, whoa! What the hell am I doing? Why am I comparing Kagome and Kikyou, saying Kagome is ‘better?’ He knew the answer; it went back to his feelings toward both miko. It was almost as if he was trying to convince himself… His eyes widened as his musings finally reached that inexorable conclusion he’d been seeking. Holy shit…I…I love her. He loved her. He loved her, and now that he had admitted it, he knew it with absolute certainty. He loved her, and wondered why it had taken him so long to realize it. Why had he been so damn stubborn! He had clung to the past like an obstinate child, refusing to let go and move on. His attraction, his jealousy, his level of care and concern for her, their closeness…all of that made sense now that he knew. I love her.
He continued to repeat that amazing thought over and over again as he went back through his entire reflection, looking for anything that could have given him the wrong idea. It was a wasted effort; the instant those three wonderful words crossed his mind, his heart flooded his entire being with indescribable warmth. There could be no doubting his feelings now, and it felt incredible to finally be the master of his own emotions. This revelation created another problem, however: what to do about it. His old fear of rejection and Daichi’s words of wisdom hit him at the same time, and for a moment he wrestled with crippling uncertainty. But eventually he conquered his fears. He needed to tell her. She deserved to know, and he wanted to know whether she loved him in return. He smiled ruefully; it was funny how quickly a person could go from embracing the status quo to hating it. He knew now that just friendship would never be enough. If she said yes, if she agreed to be his mate… His breathing accelerated just thinking about the possibilities. Would it happen right there, or would they wait awhile? Would he disappoint her, or would he make their first time a night she would always cherish?
Inuyasha shook his head vigorously to clear it. There was no sense in thinking about any of that now; he didn’t want to get his hopes up. It was futile, however, as the rebellious thoughts and images kept returning despite his best efforts to keep them at bay. Eventually he rose to his feet, hoping to distract himself with some more conversation with Daichi. It was then that he noticed how dark the cave had gotten. Emerging from the entrance, he glimpsed the sun making its way below the western horizon. Holy crap! How long was I sitting there thinking? He grimaced; if Miroku or Shippou had seen that they would tease him mercilessly about it. Thinking about things calmly and rationally wasn’t exactly his specialty, but he had just proven that he could do it for something truly important. And that something was Kagome, his Kagome. Well, not yet, but hopefully she soon would be.
“Ah, Inuyasha, you’re back!” Daichi exclaimed as he spied Inuyasha ambling towards him. “For a while there, I thought you were going to become a permanent fixture in my cave. You looked pretty dead to the world,” he teased. “I hope you didn’t think too hard and fry your brain.”
“Feh! Shut up, bastard.”
“So,” Daichi continued, ignoring the insult, “did you find the answers you were looking for?”
“I already told you that’s none of your damn business.”
“True, but I’m just going to keep bugging you about it until you tell me. Are you willing to put up with another two days of that?”
Inuyasha grimaced, conceding the bear’s point. I’d rather drink tea with Sesshoumaru and Kouga than listen to Daichi’s constant pestering.
“Fine.” Still, he hesitated, more out of habit than anything else.
“Yes?”
“…”
“Just spit it out already!”
“Shut up!”
“Inuyasha…”
“I love her, alright!”
“Who?” Daichi asked with a mischievous grin.
“…Kagome.”
“Ohhhhh,” he drolled dramatically, pretending it wasn’t obvious. “Now put it all together.”
“You’re a real bastard, you know that?” When a smirk was all he received in return, Inuyasha gritted his teeth and tried to reign in the desire to wipe that look off his face. “Fine! I love Kagome. Are you fucking happy now?”
“There, now don’t you feel better?”
“Bastard…”
The funny thing was that Inuyasha really did feel better. Admitting his feelings out loud like that made them seem all the more real. He was actually going to tell Kagome he loved her. Of course, saying that and actually doing it were two very different things, but he had never been one to back down from anything. He certainly wasn’t going to start now, when the only enemies were his own fears and insecurities. If nothing else, the benefits of confessing would urge him to do so. To finally be able to act on his attraction, even if it was only a simple kiss… He couldn’t say whether that would ameliorate the ever-increasing sexual tension between them or exacerbate it, but he would love to find out. He sighed and rose to his feet, stalking toward the cave entrance.
“Where are you going, Inuyasha?”
“Hunting.”
“But we have meat…”
The rest of Daichi’s response was drowned out by the sound of the wind whipping past Inuyasha’s ears. He could smell that Daichi had dinner covered, but he needed to clear his head. If he didn’t do something to take his mind of Kagome, he would end up thinking about her all night. It was amazing what a little enlightenment could do to a man. He always missed Kagome when she wasn’t by his side, but the next couple days were going to be pure torture. Never had he felt such a strong compulsion to see her, and such an immense apprehension as well. Right now the yearning outweighed the fear, but he could only guess how long that would hold true.
The rest of the evening was quiet. He didn’t put much effort into the hunt, and came back empty-handed. He didn’t like to kill when it wasn’t necessary, and Daichi had plenty of fish caught in a nearby stream that morning. Inuyasha promised to snag them a nice juicy boar the following night. Surprisingly, he had little trouble falling asleep, probably because his subconscious already knew what he was going to dream about.
By the time his third day at Daichi’s rolled around, Inuyasha was starting to get very antsy. Part of the reason was those dreams; they had been noticeably more…intense the past two nights. Intimate dreams about Kagome were nothing new, but never had they been so detailed, so passionate. He could almost feel her there, pressed up against him, surrounding him as they moved together… He smacked himself in the head to chase the images away. This was another reason he was on edge; he just couldn’t stop thinking about her. And it was driving him insane, sitting here twiddling his thumbs while she was on the other side of the well. Daichi’s obstinate refusal to let him see any of Kagome’s gifts didn’t help. The stubborn bastard insisted on an “unveiling,” to occur when everything was finished. But the bear provided companionship, and kept Inuyasha busy by asking him to relate tales of adventures in their fight against Naraku. Myouga wasn’t much good for that since he necessarily left out the battle scenes, and the flea always blustered and pouted when one of them made fun of his cowardly nature. Daichi seemed to know when Inuyasha was trying to peek over his shoulder and catch a glimpse of what he was making, however, and the hanyou never got more than a passing glance. After putting up with all of this, Inuyasha hoped whatever Daichi was making was good.
He wasn’t disappointed. Far from it, actually; he couldn’t have been more impressed, or grateful. The two sets of long hakama and kosode were beautiful. One was a simple, forest green hakama matched with a plain, white kosode. The other was a swirl of color, the same green and white mixed with deep blue, all three colors criss-crossing the garments in a spectacular pattern. It looked so random, yet seemed to make perfect sense at the same time, and Inuyasha knew he would never grow tired of looking at it. Especially if Kagome was wearing it.
“Wow,” he muttered, stunned close to speechlessness. “Thank you.”
“I didn’t say I was done!” Daichi proclaimed giddily, truly enjoying himself. For the master seamstress, nothing brought more joy than the satisfaction of a client, especially if the client was someone he actually liked. Next he produced two sets of clothing of a type Inuyasha had never seen before. “These are a new design. I tried to base them off what I saw Kagome wearing before. I hope she likes them.”
Now Inuyasha felt even more humbled; Daichi had custom designed a whole new ensemble just for him. They did resemble the blouse and shorts Kagome had worn that day. The tops were almost exact replicas; they would go over her head instead of folding in the front, a highly unusual trait for this day and age. The neck was v-shaped but not too low, probably just enough to hint at cleavage. The bottoms would tie around her waist, and were baggier and longer than her modern shorts, extending almost to the knee. They didn’t look like cheap knockoffs of modern apparel, however. They had been made by professional hands and it showed. Inuyasha knew they would look damn good on Kagome. He suspected the modifications to make the garments less skimpy had been primarily for added protection, but perhaps Daichi had been taking a small mercy on him too. He could only imagine trying to train with Kagome while she was wearing her modern clothing. Showing so much skin, beads of sweat dripping down her arms and legs…
“Hey, Inuyasha. You awake in there?” Daichi asked amusedly, snapping his fingers. The hanyou blushed hotly but turned his attention back to the garments in his hands. One set matched the blue and yellow outfit Kagome had worn that day. Heh, and he said those colors would look bad. Inuyasha spent several moments running his hand gently over the surface of the other set, staring in awe. It was deep red, the same color as his fire-rat haori, and there was no doubt the effect had been purposeful.
“Now you can be twins!” Daichi exclaimed, causing Inuyasha to flush once more. He couldn’t help but smile as well, imagining what Kagome would look like wearing his color. And still Daichi wasn’t done. The final item was the most remarkable of all. It was a bathing yukata, white in color but made with silver highlights so the garment seemed to shimmer with every movement. Hesitantly he took it in his hands, feeling the softest of silk between his fingers. He gasped as he unfurled it. The garment was plain except for the back, and the scene there literally stole Inuyasha’s breath away. The sun was high in the sky, overlooking a green meadow where two sleeping creatures dozed, nestled together. The one in the back was a white dog, its tail wrapped protectively around its companion, a brown cat. (1) The symbolism was not lost on Inuyasha, and he turned astonished eyes up to meet Daichi’s pleased gaze.
“You might want to save that one for a special occasion down the road,” the bear said. Inuyasha could only nod dumbly in response as Daichi took the yukata from him, folded it, and placed it with the other items in a carrying bag. This was beyond his wildest dreams, simply amazing. He didn’t know how Daichi had been able to get Kagome’s measurements from memory alone, but everything looked like it would fit perfectly.
“T-thank you,” he managed finally. “All this? I don’t know what to say.”
Daichi waved him off. “You can say that Kagome will be your mate the next time I see you. How about that?”
Inuyasha’s face vanished into his haori, but Daichi made no mention of it. “Everything but the yukata was made from the fur of the elusive swamp fox. I know how it sounds, but they’re actually very clean creatures, with excellent fur. After Kagome wears them a few times, each of the garments will bind to her youki and become self-repairing, much like your haori. The yukata was made of the finest moth youkai silk I could find, but be careful with it! It’s just normal cloth so it won’t repair itself.”
“Moth youkai?” Inuyasha asked with raised eyebrows.
“Oh, right. You told me you’ve had some problems with them before. But don’t worry, not all of them feed on humans, and some are actually very nice.”
Satisfied, Inuyasha’s mood returned completely to gratitude. “Seriously, Daichi, thank you. Now I feel like I owe you a debt—”
“Not a chance, boy! I can never make up for the years of suffering I could have saved you…but that’s in the past!” Daichi exclaimed, snapping out of his momentary depression. “And this,” he said, holding up the carrying bag for Inuyasha to take, “is about the future. Now go, and start your future.”
Taking the proffered bag, Inuyasha nodded once in determination, and took off. He was finally heading home.
The journey seemed to take forever, but in reality it lasted only a few hours. He was charging through the familiar confines of his forest just as the sun sank below the horizon. His three-day separation from the woman he loved was almost over. The woman he loved…it was going to take awhile to get used to that.
A familiar scent stopped him in his tracks, filling him with a sense of dread. He immediately felt guilty for that, but that was just how he felt. And as the Shinidamachu slithered their way across the sky, Inuyasha realized for the first time that he didn’t particularly want to see Kikyou. Again, remorse struck him hard at that insight. What was wrong with him? It had been months since Kikyou had shown the slightest hostility toward him. He still cared deeply about her, and he knew she still harbored similar feelings for him. So why was he so reluctant to go to her? The answer probably lay in his most recent revelation; he didn’t want to have to tell Kikyou he was in love with her reincarnation. He didn’t want to break what was left of Kikyou’s heart, or tell her she would have to go to hell alone. But it had to be done. If either one of them were to truly move on, these things needed to be said, and now was as good a time as any. Now that he really thought about it, Kikyou deserved to know of his feelings for Kagome before he acted on them. She was his first love, and he would not forsake her before informing her of his decision. He owed her that much at least.
He trudged through the trees, his sluggish pace allowing him time to gather his thoughts. His biggest concern was how Kikyou would react. She had been calmer in recent months, more like her old self, but he couldn’t help but worry that this would cause her to revert back to the way she had been immediately after her resurrection. He had no idea what he would do if she went berserk and tried to purify him or take him to hell. Suddenly, there she was. Standing in a moonlit clearing, the picture of tranquility. It had been more than fifty years since he’d seen her look so serene. The only other time had been the night he agreed to become human for her, the last night he had ever seen her alive. (2) He gasped as she finally turned her dark eyes on him, swirling with emotion. They were soft nonetheless, and she even managed a small smile. It was just a tiny upturn of her lips, but clear as day to Inuyasha. If her scent didn’t tell him otherwise, he would have sworn she had returned to life.
“I’ve been looking for you, Inuyasha. I thought you were spending the days with my reincarnation on the other side of the well.”
Inuyasha’s jaw dropped; he was completely astounded by the utter lack of bitterness in her tone. Sure, there was some, but it was minute compared to the serenity that dominated her demeanor. And he could tell she wasn’t just hiding it or putting on an act; it just wasn’t there.
“Oh. No, Kikyou, I wasn’t.”
“Talkative as ever, I see,” Kikyou quipped with a grin as Inuyasha stared slack-jawed. Okay, this is officially weirding me out. Perhaps it was time to get down to business.
“Kikyou, I have something to tell you…”
“What’s in the bag, Inuyasha?” she asked, ignoring him. Again, there was no animosity in her voice, only genuine curiosity. But he had decided this was a good thing, and really wanted to avoid tempting fate by revealing Kagome’s presents. When he didn’t reply, Kikyou strode closer, opened the bag and peered inside herself. As she gazed at the folded fabric, her scent changed, but not in the way Inuyasha expected.
“For Kagome, I assume?” she asked, waves of sadness rolling off her. Inuyasha panicked, completely missing the fact that Kikyou had referred to Kagome by her name, and also that there was still no jealousy in her tone.
“I—she decided to stay a hanyou and wanted me to train her and I said I would and she needed some tough clothing—”
“Relax, Inuyasha!” Kikyou interrupted. “You make it seem like it’s a horrible deed for you to get Kagome a present.”
Inuyasha was going to start catching flies in his mouth if he left it open much more tonight. But he couldn’t help it; he was finding it near impossible to fully wrap his head around Kikyou’s strange demeanor. Her scent was solemn now, but not angry or jealous. Just sad.
“Good,” she declared softly after a long, uncomfortable silence.
“Kikyou?”
“I’m glad Kagome decided to stay a hanyou.”
And that might have been the single most surprising thing Inuyasha had ever heard.
“Why?”
Kikyou sighed, the sorrow pouring off her now. “Do you remember out last encounter, where you told me Kagome kept her miko powers because her heart was pure?” At Inuyasha’s nod, she continued. “It took me so long to accept that, and even longer to accept what it implied about me. I…I always thought I lost my powers because you were impure, but in reality…it was me. Between the two of us, I was the impure one. It was my fault Naraku’s trick worked. I’m sorry, Inuyasha.” Kikyou sobbed, a single tear working its way down her cheek. Inuyasha hadn’t even been aware her clay body could cry, though perhaps these were not tears of the body, but tears of the heart. He reached a hand up and gently wiped the moisture away, staring deep into her eyes. These eyes…it had been over fifty years since he’d last seen them. But here was the sad, lonely priestess who became his first friend, his cherished companion. The bitterness and hate that had haunted her brown orbs since her resurrection had completely vanished.
“Don’t say that, Kikyou. It was as much my fault as it was yours.”
“Do you still plan on accompanying me to hell, Inuyasha?” she queried, looking away. Inuyasha mirrored the action, unable to look Kikyou in the eye as he gave his answer.
“I’m sorry, Kikyou, but I’ve decided to stay here…with Kagome.”
“I see,” Kikyou replied with a cheerless smile. Stifling silence hung between the two, until finally Kikyou broke it. “Do you love her?”
It took Inuyasha several moments to get over his shock and many more to gather up the courage he needed to give his answer.
“Yes.”
“I see,” Kikyou said again. Then, after another period of silence, she uttered perhaps the most astounding thing of all. “Then I can let you go.”
This time Inuyasha almost collapsed in his astonishment. “Wha—? Kikyou, you—”
“She loves you, Inuyasha, as I never did. She accepts you, as I never did. She deserves you…as I never did.” Kikyou lowered her gaze, staring at the ground as fresh tears sprung forth. It took Inuyasha only a moment to envelop her in a warm embrace. She returned it, her tears soaking into his haori as she silently vented weeks of pent-up emotions. For Inuyasha, this turn of events was beyond comprehension. Kikyou was letting him go, and he could do the same. Part of him was happy, but he swiftly kicked that sentiment out the window. Mostly, he felt sorry for Kikyou. Fate had been so cruel to her, in both her lives. Kikyou turned her head to the side so she could speak, but did not pull away.
“After Naraku is defeated, I will return to the netherworld. You are free to live…and love.”
Inuyasha released her, only to gently grip her chin and place his lips on hers. It was a chaste kiss, and short, but in it they communicated everything that couldn’t be said in words. It was goodbye.
“I’ll never forget you, Kikyou. I promise.”
“Nor I you, Inuyasha.”
They embraced again, regrets evaporating into the wind as both simply enjoyed the moment. Kikyou pulled back first, beaming as they gazed at each other. Her aura still contained sadness, but she was even more serene than before. Then she turned away, and vanished into the trees without a look back. Inuyasha stared at the spot for the longest time, as the light from the Shinidamachu slowly faded. Gradually, the implications of what had just happened filtered through to his muddled mind. Kikyou had released him. He was free to be with Kagome. Without further ado, he sped off toward the well.
“Where’s Inuyasha?” she asked, figuring that was a good place to start.
“That baka!” Shippou yelled. “He’s out with K-mmphph!” Miroku cut the kit off, but Kagome heard what he had been about to say. Her heart clenched as she asked her next question, dreading the answer.
“Did Inuyasha…see Kikyou?”
“We don’t know, Kagome,” Sango replied, though it was clear that she didn’t really believe that. Miroku and Shippou wore the same look. “Shippou saw him at the well the night he came back through, but none of us have seen him since. And I saw Kikyou’s Shinidamachu three days ago…and every day since.”
At this, Kagome lost all the strength in her legs, slumping to the floor. Somehow she managed to hold in her tears, probably because she was used to this by now. But this time was worse than any of the others. He abandoned me. He ditched me in my time to go spend three days with Kikyou! How can he be so heartless? Why does he have to sneak around behind my back? It was ridiculous, really. It wasn’t like they were together, and this made it more than apparent that they would never be. She recalled the illusion Minoru had shown her after she had been hit with the Rebirth spell. Inuyasha pressing Kikyou against a tree, kissing her passionately as they slowly slid into vice. Perhaps that wasn’t an illusion after all, but a premonition.
The mood was grim inside the hut for the remainder of the evening. So caught up were the four friends in their assumption that they didn’t even realize it was an assumption. That Inuyasha had ditched Kagome in her time to see Kikyou became irrefutable fact. So when said hanyou raced through the doorway, grinning in high spirits, it was understandable that nobody greeted him. The hostility in that room was nearly suffocating.
“Alright, what the hell is wrong with you lot?” he grumped.
“You know damn well what’s wrong, Inuyasha,” Sango growled, the ice in her tone chilling his blood. He bared his fangs, responding to fury in kind.
“If I knew, I wouldn’t be asking, bit—”
“Inuyasha.”
Kagome had spoken his name in many ways in the time they had known each other, but never like that. Such hardness, such hostility, such bitterness…the only other person who had ever spoken to him in such a manner was Kikyou. Now he was truly frightened.
“If you didn’t want to be with me,” Kagome continued, “you should have just said so. Go back to her. We’ll collect the shards.” She said nothing else, and Inuyasha’s eyes widened then slowly narrowed as understanding dawned on him. Kikyou had been looking for him around the village. Kagome said ‘go back to her.’ Everyone was pissed at him. All of it led to one conclusion. They saw Kikyou’s Shinidamachu, and now they think I left Kagome in her time while I spent the past few days with Kikyou? What the fuck is wrong with them! Anger and hurt blossomed within him. He felt betrayed, deserted by his friends. He felt alone. He glared at each of them in turn, his emotions clearly apparent in his golden orbs, but no one would meet his gaze. That was the last straw.
“So is that what you people think? That I fucking ditched Kagome on the other side of the well so I could see Kikyou? Is that what you’re telling me?!”
Silence was his only answer, but the message was loud and clear. Without another word, he turned and left.
(1) I have to give credit to whitewavereborn here, because I totally pirated this yukata idea from her story “Courtship.” But I did change it around a little, and like I’ve said before, you can’t have everything you write be completely original.
(2) I may be bending the anime facts here, but just go with it. I think one of the episodes had Inuyasha tell her that during the day.
2011 Note – Man, I used a lot of F-words in the original version of this chapter. I deleted some and changed some to ‘hell’ or ‘damn.’ I don’t think it’s so excessive now. And I’m still taking out a ton of ellipses.
Converting /tmp/phpM0iim9 to /dev/stdout
little_white_kitsune: I didn’t think it was that bad either, but better safe than sorry. At least this way if somebody gets sick on me I can say “I warned you!” The jury is still out on the siblings, but you’re probably in the minority. More reviewers seem to be glad they’re history. It’s too bad; I got pretty fond of them myself.
sango_gurlie: I agree that it would be cool to see a picture of hanyou Kagome, but unfortunately I have zero talent for drawing. Any fanart is going to have to come from someone else, unless you want a stick figure with two triangles on the head.
Kudos to youkaineko for predicting the Daichi clothes-getting trip way back when we first met him.
Assumptions and Revelations
“Kami, Kagome! What happened?!”
Kagome sighed; she had known her mother would react like that. Her youkai healing powers had done wonders on her skin, but she still looked like her whole body had been badly sunburned. Her face was almost back to normal, having endured the least contact with the acid. She had been very lucky that none of the noxious stuff had gotten in her eyes. Even so, it appeared as if she’d spent an entire day lying on the beach without any sunscreen. Her clueless friends might buy that cover story, but it wasn’t going to cut it with her mother.
“Nothing serious, Mama. Just a small…accident.”
The older woman frowned skeptically. “A ‘small accident?’ I thought youkai healed faster than humans. If this happened yesterday, it must have been pretty bad for you to still look like that. Now tell me the truth!”
Kagome sighed again. Her mother was far too observant sometimes. Seeing no way around it, she related the events of the previous night, starting with the youkai attacking her in the forest. Her mother interrupted her partway through the story.
“He swallowed you?! As in my little girl was eaten alive?! Where is that Inuyasha? We need to have a nice, long talk.”
“No, Mama! It wasn’t Inuyasha’s fault! I…I wandered off into the forest by myself. Inuyasha thought I’d come through the well. I called for him, and he saved me. So if you should be mad at anyone, it’s me.”
“Believe me, I am. Come on, Kagome! I thought you were smart enough to not go wandering around the feudal era by yourself.”
“I know, I know! It won’t happen again. I just…needed to be alone at the time,” she mumbled solemnly.
“Why? Did you two have a fight?”
Kagome nodded. “The biggest one ever.”
“Ah, I see. So that’s what you two were yelling about in the bathroom.”
Kagome seized violently; her mother just had to say that as she was taking a sip of her tea. And now she was choking on it.
“Breath, Kagome,” her mother teased, earning her a spiteful glare from the miko.
“You knew he was in there with me?!” Kagome asked, flushing more from indignation than from embarrassment.
“Kagome, you two were so loud that I think the whole neighborhood knew. What I want to know is why he was in the bathroom. You were bathing, weren’t you?”
Now Kagome was blushing entirely from embarrassment. But she was reassured by the total lack of censure in her mother’s tone. The older woman appeared to be simply curious.
“The youkai hit me with a kind of temporary paralysis attack, so I couldn’t move. And I was covered in stomach acid, so Inuyasha had to…wash it off in a pond. Then he brought me here and made a medicinal soak in the tub. That’s what that awful smell was.”
“Hmmm,” Mrs. Higurashi pondered thoughtfully.
“Don’t worry! He didn’t do anything inappropria—”
“Of course not.”
“Mama?” Kagome questioned, surprised by such a confident declaration. Mrs. Higurashi favored her daughter with a serious smile.
“Kagome, if I thought Inuyasha was the type of man who would take advantage of you, do you really think I’d let you go through the well? What kind of mother do you think I am?”
“Uh, the best ever!”
“Flattery will get you nowhere, dear. So, are you two going to be okay?”
“I think so. Eventually.”
“Good. And I guess you’re right; Inuyasha didn’t do anything wrong. You need to be more careful, young lady! Now go to school, and try to have a good time.”
“Yes, Mama,” Kagome replied, relieved that this conversation had gone so well. She was still apparently allowed to go back to the past! Not that she was sure a parental prohibition on the action would stop her at this point. Did anything in this world have the power to prevent her from seeing Inuyasha?
“And Kagome?”
“Yes, Mama?”
“Don’t let me hear you swear like a drunken sailor ever again.”
Kagome sweatdropped. “Yes, Mama.”
* * *
Inuyasha cruised through grassy fields and lush forests, practically gliding over the ground. He ran at a fairly good clip, and would probably reach his destination in a few hours. It was around noon when the cave finally came into view. He slowed as he reached the entrance, standing his ground as the guardian growled at him briefly. But then she recognized him, and approached to sniff his hand. Apparently once her master admitted a stranger to his cave, that person was no longer on Sakura’s ‘tear to shreds’ list. “Oi, Daichi! You in there?”
“Inuyasha?” the bear youkai inquired as he emerged from the cave. “It is you! Come on in. What brings you to these parts? Where is your pack?”
“They stayed behind. I came alone ‘cause I didn’t want to spend days getting here. I’m calling in that debt you owe me.”
“Oh?” Daichi wondered as the two men settled comfortably on the fur-covered floor. “How can I be of service?”
“Kagome decided to stay a hanyou.”
“I see,” Daichi replied, appearing not the least bit shocked. Apparently, that announcement wasn’t the bombshell Inuyasha thought it was.
“Wh-why aren’t you surprised?”
“Because I’m not an ignorant dope. Only a complete baka wouldn’t have seen her decision coming.”
Inuyasha’s eyebrow twitched dangerously. “A complete baka, huh?”
Finally, Daichi seemed to realize the peril he was in. “Well, I…ah, what the hell. Yes, you are a complete baka for not foreseeing that this would happen.”
“Oh, and I suppose you knew all along that Kagome would choose to remain hanyou?”
“Of course we did,” came a familiar voice from Inuyasha’s shoulder, just before he felt a pinprick on his neck. *Smack* He pulled his hand away, revealing his old flea youkai vassal.
“Myouga! What are you doing here?”
“He’s been hanging around ever since you last left,” Daichi answered. “I don’t know how he’s avoided Sakura for so long.”
“It’s easy when you’re a flea. You must have noticed that I had stayed behind, Inuyasha-sama.”
A blank look from the hanyou was his only reply.
“Come now, Inuyasha-sama. Surely you must have realized that your loyal servant was no longer by your side?”
*Blink* *Blink*
“Waaaaaa! I am so unappreciated! All my years of service wasted! What cruel and ungrateful master—” *Smash* “Ugh…such is the life of a flea.”
Inuyasha flicked the flattened flea off his palm onto Daichi. “There, now he’s yours to deal with.”
“Gee, thanks.”
After a moment of silence, Inuyasha spoke up again. “So you guys really knew Kagome was going to end up wanting to be hanyou?”
Daichi nodded. “Don’t feel too bad, Inuyasha. It’s probably something that becomes harder to see the closer you get to a person. I’m sure you were opposed to the idea at first, what with your past and all,” he said, Inuyasha’s grimace confirming that suspicion. “And I suppose you had a big fight about it, too.” Again, Inuyasha’s forlorn expression verified that notion. “And now you want me to make her some clothes, right? Oh, how romantic! You want to get her a present to make up with her!”
“I-it’s not—”
“Oooh, are you two getting closer? Have you asked her to be your mate yet?”
“Wh— NO!!!”
“Why not? You shouldn’t wait too long, you know. Honestly, my son courted his mate for years before finally gathering up the courage to ask her. I thought they’d never—”
“SHUT UP!!!!!!” When his own mortification-induced heavy breathing was the only sound in the cave, Inuyasha took a calming breath and continued. “No, I haven’t asked Kagome…that. And it’s not a present! She asked me to teach her how to fight. And if she’s gonna fight like a youkai, then she’s gonna need some tough clothing. It’s not a fucking present!”
Daichi grinned. You know, Inuyasha, the more you say it, the less convincing you are.
“But you sprinted all the way out here. Did you even tell her where you were going? Does she know why you’re here?”
“Uh…no.”
Daichi smirked. “I see. So it’s a surprise, but not a present. Uh-huh.”
“Shut the fuck up,” Inuyasha growled. The damn bear’s irritating chuckle almost drove him to screw the whole plan and storm out of the cave. But imagining the look on Kagome’s face as he handed her new clothes to her stopped him. As much as he wanted to deny it, Daichi was right. It really was a gift. Just thinking of her reaction made him break out in a cold sweat. Why? Why was he so nervous? Why did he care whether she liked her present or not? Why had he been so damn excited last night when he came up with the idea? In retrospect, it probably hadn’t been the smartest strategy to leave in the middle of the night without giving a reason, but hopefully she wouldn’t hold it against him when he returned and explained himself.
“Very well, Inuyasha. I shall make Kagome the finest clothes she has ever seen! She will have armour rivaling your haori and hakama in strength!”
Nodding his thanks, Inuyasha stood to leave the weaver to his work.
“One one condition,” Daichi’s voice boomed, stopping him in his tracks.
“A condition? No fucking way! You owe me, bastard!” he seethed.
“I was only going to ask you to keep me company. It gets lonely around here with only me and Sakura,” he lamented, ignoring Myouga as much as Inuyasha had. “I just wanted someone to talk to.”
Inuyasha scowled, feeling waves of guilt wash over him. “Fine, dammit!” he yelled, plopping down on the floor, arms and legs crossed and a pout adorning his features.
“And I wanted to ask you a few questions,” Daichi added mischievously.
With a sinking feeling, Inuyasha got the distinct impression that the interrogation had been the older youkai’s goal the whole time. Had the whining about loneliness been just an act? Shit, what did I just agree to?
It wasn’t so bad at first. Daichi asked about the Inu-gang’s recent adventures as he looked through his collection of furs and fabrics at the back of the cave. He was happy to learn that Takehiko and Sora had been defeated, and Aoi’s dagger recovered. He even offered to take the cursed thing off Inuyasha’s hands and return for it him, an offer the hanyou readily accepted. He figured the weapon had been stuffed inside his kosode for long enough. Of course, the conversation didn’t remain within Inuyasha’s comfort zone for long.
“So,” Daichi began, “how is Kagome?”
“Fine,” Inuyasha replied grumpily, hoping Daichi would drop this line of questioning. No such luck.
“Are you two…getting along?”
Inuyasha hesitated for a moment. “More or less.”
“What does that mean?”
“Well, like you said, we got in a fight. And I did something really stupid,” Inuyasha admitted, his ears drooping. “I hurt her, and I don’t think she’s completely forgiven me yet.”
“Oh, well I’m sure she’ll forgive you soon,” Daichi replied, smiling reassuringly.
“Keh.”
By this time, Daichi had selected some fabrics and was beginning to work. He did everything by hand, cutting with his claws and measuring by eye. His large hands, seemingly so ungainly and maladroit, moved with great speed and precision. His movements with thread and needle were almost too quick to discern.
“So, Inuyasha, are you looking for something with long sleeves or some garments similar to what Kagome was wearing the last time you visited?”
Inuyasha frowned; there were good arguments for both alternatives. A set of hakama and a long-sleeved kosode would certainly offer more protection, which would be important during her training and any future battles she might get into. On the other hand, he would miss those long, luscious legs if she covered them up. He blushed furiously, and unfortunately Daichi noticed, chuckling in amusement.
“You were thinking something hentai, weren’t you?”
“N-NO!” Somehow, that retort lacked Inuyasha’s usual conviction. Daichi smirked, but decided to let it slide.
“Hm, I suppose I could make a couple sets of each.”
“Just how long do you think I’m staying here?” Inuyasha inquired irritably.
“How long do you think it takes me to make a set of clothing?” Daichi challenged.
Inuyasha shrugged. “Dunno. I want to be back in two or three more days at the most.”
Daichi nodded. “That’s plenty of time to make several sets of garments.”
“Really? You’re that fast?”
“Inuyasha,” Daichi admonished, “I’ve been doing this for hundreds of years, so of course I’ve become proficient at it. I made the clothes you now wear, and who do you think made Sesshoumaru’s outfit? Basically, if you see a high-ranking youkai today, chances are he or she is wearing something I fashioned. I’m that good.”
“A little full of yourself, aren’t you?”
“You’re one to talk. Now, do you have any preference in color?”
Inuyasha shrugged. “Not really. Oh, wait! No red hakama and white kosode!” he exclaimed. The ‘darkness in Kagome’s heart’ concerning Kikyou hadn’t reared its ugly head in quite some time, and he wanted to keep it that way. Getting Kagome clothes that would make her look like the dead miko definitely wouldn’t help matters. The last thing he wanted was for Kagome to be like Kikyou. They were so different.
Daichi spared him a quizzical glance, but otherwise didn’t comment on this strange request. “Okay, does Kagome always wear that dark blue and yellow ensemble? Those would just be horrible colors for traditional clothes.”
“Nah, she only started wearing those recently. She always used to wear green and white.”
“Ah, much better. Green and white it is!”
So engrossed had the two men become in discussing fabric that Inuyasha had almost forgotten his previous apprehension regarding Daichi’s line of questioning. He was rudely reminded.
“Hey, Inuyasha, how do you feel about Kagome?”
Inuyasha nearly bit his tongue off as his whole body went rigid in shock and dread. He had been afraid Daichi would ask something like that, but he hadn’t expected it to come so suddenly out of the blue. Of course, his answer was going to be the same either way.
“None of your damn busine—”
“You’re right,” Daichi interrupted, “it isn’t any of my business. But I think it would be beneficial for you to think about the answer for a change.”
“What the hell are you talkin’ about?”
At this, Daichi set aside his work and turned to face the hanyou fully. “Answer me this, Inuyasha. How long have you known Kagome?”
“More than a year. Why?”
“And you two are more than just simple friends?”
“Uh…I guess.”
“So how close are you?”
“…”
“See! You can’t even give me a straight answer! Kami, Myouga was right! Your head is so far up your ass that you’re starting to digest your own ears!”
Inuyasha winced; Daichi didn’t realize how close to home that comment hit. He didn’t want to think about anything or anyone getting digested for awhile. It just added to his rapidly mounting irritation, a large part of it directed at his blabbermouth of a vassal. That flea is so dead. But for the moment, he had bigger fish—or bear—to fry.
“Why the hell do you care? You barely even know me!”
It was clear Daichi wanted to continue the shouting match, but he forcibly reigned in his temper. “Sorry,” he murmured, shoulders slumping. “You’re right; I don’t really have a right to be lecturing you. I hope you’ll listen to my advice anyway, though.” Not hearing any objection from the hanyou, he sighed. “I already told you about my son. The baka almost let his soul mate slip through his fingers. He was like you, content to let things go on as they were, infatuated with the status quo. And his mate almost settled for another man because she didn’t think he would ever want to take the next step in their relationship. If I hadn’t intervened, and yanked his head out of his ass, then he’d probably still be living here, moping around the cave all day and pining for missed opportunity. So that’s why I’m being hard on you, because I see a lot of my baka son in you.”
Daichi glanced away, staring at the cave wall with sorrow in his eyes and a miserable expression on his face. “I also know what it’s like to lose a mate,” he confessed. Inuyasha could only sit there stunned as the other man choked back his emotion. “She died about thirty years ago. Sometimes I wonder how I’m going to live for another few hundred years without her…” After a few seconds of silent reflection, he started and came back to himself. “The point is,” he declared, meeting Inuyasha’s gaze once more, “that you can’t afford to waste any kind of opportunity. If you love someone, you need to act on it. Cherish every moment with them, because once they’re gone, they’re gone forever.”
Inuyasha couldn’t help but sympathize. He knew loneliness well, and it appeared Daichi did too. Normally hidden beneath the cheerful, upbeat exterior was a man still mourning for the loss of his soul mate, and a devoted father who didn’t want see anyone else experience his pain. In the end, Inuyasha couldn’t think of anything to say, so he waited for Daichi to break the now stifling silence. And when he finally did, it was a bombshell.
“So…do you love her?”
And there it was, the question Inuyasha feared the most, the one he had been dancing around for so long. When had he first realized he might love Kagome? He couldn’t say exactly; after awhile it had just become obvious to him, as clear as the necessity to put any determination of his feelings aside and focus on the quest for the Shikon no Tama. But was that really the right thing to do? Was he hurting both Kagome and himself by being, as Daichi put it, ‘infatuated with the status quo?’ He knew ‘I don’t know’ was the easy answer, a way to avoid truly considering his feelings for a change. Yet, his life had been incredibly difficult, so he felt justified in seeking simplicity wherever he could find it. Well, maybe things weren’t so hard anymore. It was easy to be in Kagome’s presence, to comfort her when she was sad, fight with her when she was angry, or smile when she was happy. Hell, even getting ‘osuwari’d’ couldn’t make him stop experiencing the simple joy of being by her side. It was true that thinking about his feelings definitely had the potential to complicate things, but was that really bad? Perhaps it was time to ‘pull his head out of his ass’ and do some serious soul searching. But at that moment, Daichi was waiting for an answer, and Inuyasha had only one to give, even though it shamed him to speak it.
“I…I don’t know.”
Daichi nodded, no judgment present in his brown eyes. “Fair enough,” he said. Then the bear turned and resumed his project, seeming to understand that Inuyasha needed some time to himself.
So how did he feel about Kagome? It was such a simple question, yet it conjured up a full array of emotions. Happiness. Being with Kagome made him happy, plain and simple. She could turn his insides to jelly with just a smile, or set his heart beating a mile a minute on the smallest pretext. Tranquility. She calmed the stormy seas of his past, tamed his wild nature. With Kagome, he could relax and be himself. Acceptance. Kagome accepted him as no other had since his mother. Because of her, he had friends he would give his life for, and he knew they would do the same for him. She knew more about him than any other, and he could be confident in claiming the same about her. He even knew that she loved him, which added a whole new layer to his conundrum. But there were many different meanings to the word ‘love.’ Love among friends, love among family members, love among lovers, or love among mates; Kagome could have meant any of these when she declared her love for him to Naraku’s baby that day. Fear. This was by far the most unsettling of the emotions that flashed through his mind. It was old, grounded in his past, and multi-layered. He feared his feelings, that he would discover something that would lead to him getting hurt. What if he had misread Kagome, and she didn’t desire him in the way he thought? Attraction didn’t mean she wanted to spend her life with him. The fear of rejection had indeed burrowed deep into his heart.
But he realized now that such a fear was ridiculous. How could Kagome reject him if he never told her he loved her, if that was even true? She certainly wouldn’t reject him for being a hanyou; the fact that she wanted to remain one told him as much. But he had already known that beyond any shadow of a doubt, which only made him feel all the more guilty for throwing her full-youkai comment back in her face during their argument. It had been a split-second decision, and a stupid one at that. He wondered how she could continue to forgive him even after all the stupid shit he’d done. Maybe she really did love him enough to want to spend her life with him.
That thought once again returned him to the question of what he wanted. He sighed wistfully. It would be so easy to do what he usually did when his musings became too tough—procrastinate. Put it off for another day, until after the jewel quest was completed. But this time he refused to do that. He needed to clear all the clutter away from his heart and truly look at it, discern what he really wanted. Not for Daichi, not for Kagome, not for anyone else, but for himself, for the simple reason that he had never done it before. Okay, maybe it was a little for Kagome. After all, she wasn’t going to stay in the feudal era forever. She would go back to her world and live a normal life, unless someone gave her a reason to stay. He knew he could be the one to give her that reason.
But did he want to? The thought of Kagome marrying some puny human, lying with another man, having his children…it boiled his blood, made him want to tear something to shreds or bash his head against a tree to knock the horrible images from his mind. He couldn’t believe he used to deny his jealousy. Had he really tried to convince everyone—and himself—that he wasn’t jealous of the attention Kagome gave that stinking wolf? Had he really been such a fool? The answer was glaringly obvious. But was it just jealousy, or was it something deeper? Was it just physical attraction, or something more passionate? Was it friendship, or was it…love?
And what of Kikyou? Was what he felt for Kikyou love? At one point in time he had thought so. She too had accepted him in a way that he had not experienced since his mother’s passing decades earlier. And Kagome had taken that acceptance to a whole new level. He had become close with Kikyou, but never too close. She would not have tolerated any of the casual touching he enjoyed with Kagome; her status as a trained miko would not have allowed it. Except for a few exceptions, he had always maintained a respectable physical distance from Kikyou. And that in turn reinforced the emotional gap between them. It helped lead to an incomplete sense of trust, and left them easy prey for Naraku’s sinister tactics. Yes, Kikyou had accepted him, but only because he was part human. He had no doubt that she would have killed him without blinking an eye if he was full youkai. He shuddered at the thought of Kikyou witnessing one of his full-youkai rampages. If she somehow wasn’t driven to kill him, she would at the very least no longer associate with him.
Yet, Kagome had not only seen him slaughter humans in bloodlust, but had comforted him afterwards. She hugged him, told him she understood, and even aided him in his quest to grow stronger and keep his youkai blood under control. She stayed by his side, even though she knew he could transform into a mindless beast any time Tetsusaiga was knocked from his grasp. She did all this, not caring for her own safety, but only thinking of him. Even when she was planning their future together, Kikyou had never been so selfless. Asking him to become human for her was, on the surface, a way to discharge her duty to guard the jewel and allow her to be with him as a normal woman. But they both knew the real reason; she would never agree to be his mate. She would be his wife only if he first removed the taint of his youkai blood. Kagome had never been so selfish.
And she had never forced him to choose between her and Kikyou, either. With Kagome, he got to have his cake and eat it too. Even though it was extremely unfair to her, she actually asked him if she could remain with him despite his obligations to Kikyou. Obligations… Had his relationship with Kikyou devolved to mere duties and responsibilities? He embraced his duty to protect her, but what of his other self-imposed responsibility to join her in hell? Would he really abandon everything he had in this world, everything he had gained since Kagome freed him from Kikyou’s seal, to follow his former love into hell? Again, the answer was painfully clear.
No, he would not. He now realized that his obligations to Kikyou did not extend nearly that far. Her death had been her own fault as much as it had been his. Naraku’s trick would not have worked if Kikyou did not already harbor the belief that her hanyou companion could betray her. Their suspicions of each other had cost them dearly. Kikyou had been struck down by Naraku’s hand, and she in turn had pinned him to the tree. And what of that arrow? Even mortally wounded, Kikyou should have had enough strength to completely purify him, and the shaft of an arrow through his then-mortal chest would have ended his life. So why had she instead plunged him into eternal sleep, to hang in limbo for all time, never to pass on to the afterlife? He used to think it was because of their connection that she was unable to kill him, but now another possibility entered his mind. What if Kikyou had chosen to deny him the afterlife on purpose, to condemn him to an eternity of nothingness as punishment for his betrayal?
Either way, it didn’t really matter now. He was definitely not going to hell with her. They barely had a relationship anymore as it was. If he could go back and change something…he wouldn’t. He surprised himself with that realization, but it was the truth. He bemoaned Kikyou’s awful fate, but he could not bring himself to regret the collapse of their dream of living together as man and wife. Not when he had Kagome, with whom he shared a companionship that was closer in every way. Even in his darkest moments, he could never doubt Kagome. She had proven that she would never betray or abandon him, sticking by him even in the most frightening circumstances. She had brought him back from the brink on more than one occasion, at great risk to herself. She was the first person since his mother to learn of his human night, just one of many reasons the young miko held a special place in his heart. And if he and Kikyou could turn on each other so easily, and he could now cast her aside, then was what they shared really love? He needed to stop asking himself these obvious questions.
No, it was not. How could it have been? Long-lasting relationships were not founded on mutual loneliness, and they certainly weren’t poisoned by prejudice and lack of trust. If you loved someone, you didn’t ask them to give up half of themselves for you. Still, hadn’t he done just that to Kagome yesterday? But that was different; he thought forcing her to change was for her own good. He now fully supported her decision to remain hanyou, and would never again let her think otherwise. She was the center of his world, and last night his existence had nearly ended. For those brief moments when he thought she was dead…his world had literally been collapsing around him. His anguish at Kikyou’s second passing paled in comparison. He felt guilt for Kikyou, but he felt soul-crushing sorrow for Kagome. Maybe that was taking it too far. Kikyou’s death had saddened him greatly, but that didn’t change the fact that he had felt so much more when he thought Kagome was gone. Similarly, he also felt so much more for her at every other time as well. When had it happened? When had Kagome become such an integral part of his life? When had she become more important than Kikyou?
Inuyasha started, realizing what he had been thinking about. Whoa, whoa, whoa! What the hell am I doing? Why am I comparing Kagome and Kikyou, saying Kagome is ‘better?’ He knew the answer; it went back to his feelings toward both miko. It was almost as if he was trying to convince himself… His eyes widened as his musings finally reached that inexorable conclusion he’d been seeking. Holy shit…I…I love her. He loved her. He loved her, and now that he had admitted it, he knew it with absolute certainty. He loved her, and wondered why it had taken him so long to realize it. Why had he been so damn stubborn! He had clung to the past like an obstinate child, refusing to let go and move on. His attraction, his jealousy, his level of care and concern for her, their closeness…all of that made sense now that he knew. I love her.
He continued to repeat that amazing thought over and over again as he went back through his entire reflection, looking for anything that could have given him the wrong idea. It was a wasted effort; the instant those three wonderful words crossed his mind, his heart flooded his entire being with indescribable warmth. There could be no doubting his feelings now, and it felt incredible to finally be the master of his own emotions. This revelation created another problem, however: what to do about it. His old fear of rejection and Daichi’s words of wisdom hit him at the same time, and for a moment he wrestled with crippling uncertainty. But eventually he conquered his fears. He needed to tell her. She deserved to know, and he wanted to know whether she loved him in return. He smiled ruefully; it was funny how quickly a person could go from embracing the status quo to hating it. He knew now that just friendship would never be enough. If she said yes, if she agreed to be his mate… His breathing accelerated just thinking about the possibilities. Would it happen right there, or would they wait awhile? Would he disappoint her, or would he make their first time a night she would always cherish?
Inuyasha shook his head vigorously to clear it. There was no sense in thinking about any of that now; he didn’t want to get his hopes up. It was futile, however, as the rebellious thoughts and images kept returning despite his best efforts to keep them at bay. Eventually he rose to his feet, hoping to distract himself with some more conversation with Daichi. It was then that he noticed how dark the cave had gotten. Emerging from the entrance, he glimpsed the sun making its way below the western horizon. Holy crap! How long was I sitting there thinking? He grimaced; if Miroku or Shippou had seen that they would tease him mercilessly about it. Thinking about things calmly and rationally wasn’t exactly his specialty, but he had just proven that he could do it for something truly important. And that something was Kagome, his Kagome. Well, not yet, but hopefully she soon would be.
“Ah, Inuyasha, you’re back!” Daichi exclaimed as he spied Inuyasha ambling towards him. “For a while there, I thought you were going to become a permanent fixture in my cave. You looked pretty dead to the world,” he teased. “I hope you didn’t think too hard and fry your brain.”
“Feh! Shut up, bastard.”
“So,” Daichi continued, ignoring the insult, “did you find the answers you were looking for?”
“I already told you that’s none of your damn business.”
“True, but I’m just going to keep bugging you about it until you tell me. Are you willing to put up with another two days of that?”
Inuyasha grimaced, conceding the bear’s point. I’d rather drink tea with Sesshoumaru and Kouga than listen to Daichi’s constant pestering.
“Fine.” Still, he hesitated, more out of habit than anything else.
“Yes?”
“…”
“Just spit it out already!”
“Shut up!”
“Inuyasha…”
“I love her, alright!”
“Who?” Daichi asked with a mischievous grin.
“…Kagome.”
“Ohhhhh,” he drolled dramatically, pretending it wasn’t obvious. “Now put it all together.”
“You’re a real bastard, you know that?” When a smirk was all he received in return, Inuyasha gritted his teeth and tried to reign in the desire to wipe that look off his face. “Fine! I love Kagome. Are you fucking happy now?”
“There, now don’t you feel better?”
“Bastard…”
The funny thing was that Inuyasha really did feel better. Admitting his feelings out loud like that made them seem all the more real. He was actually going to tell Kagome he loved her. Of course, saying that and actually doing it were two very different things, but he had never been one to back down from anything. He certainly wasn’t going to start now, when the only enemies were his own fears and insecurities. If nothing else, the benefits of confessing would urge him to do so. To finally be able to act on his attraction, even if it was only a simple kiss… He couldn’t say whether that would ameliorate the ever-increasing sexual tension between them or exacerbate it, but he would love to find out. He sighed and rose to his feet, stalking toward the cave entrance.
“Where are you going, Inuyasha?”
“Hunting.”
“But we have meat…”
The rest of Daichi’s response was drowned out by the sound of the wind whipping past Inuyasha’s ears. He could smell that Daichi had dinner covered, but he needed to clear his head. If he didn’t do something to take his mind of Kagome, he would end up thinking about her all night. It was amazing what a little enlightenment could do to a man. He always missed Kagome when she wasn’t by his side, but the next couple days were going to be pure torture. Never had he felt such a strong compulsion to see her, and such an immense apprehension as well. Right now the yearning outweighed the fear, but he could only guess how long that would hold true.
The rest of the evening was quiet. He didn’t put much effort into the hunt, and came back empty-handed. He didn’t like to kill when it wasn’t necessary, and Daichi had plenty of fish caught in a nearby stream that morning. Inuyasha promised to snag them a nice juicy boar the following night. Surprisingly, he had little trouble falling asleep, probably because his subconscious already knew what he was going to dream about.
By the time his third day at Daichi’s rolled around, Inuyasha was starting to get very antsy. Part of the reason was those dreams; they had been noticeably more…intense the past two nights. Intimate dreams about Kagome were nothing new, but never had they been so detailed, so passionate. He could almost feel her there, pressed up against him, surrounding him as they moved together… He smacked himself in the head to chase the images away. This was another reason he was on edge; he just couldn’t stop thinking about her. And it was driving him insane, sitting here twiddling his thumbs while she was on the other side of the well. Daichi’s obstinate refusal to let him see any of Kagome’s gifts didn’t help. The stubborn bastard insisted on an “unveiling,” to occur when everything was finished. But the bear provided companionship, and kept Inuyasha busy by asking him to relate tales of adventures in their fight against Naraku. Myouga wasn’t much good for that since he necessarily left out the battle scenes, and the flea always blustered and pouted when one of them made fun of his cowardly nature. Daichi seemed to know when Inuyasha was trying to peek over his shoulder and catch a glimpse of what he was making, however, and the hanyou never got more than a passing glance. After putting up with all of this, Inuyasha hoped whatever Daichi was making was good.
He wasn’t disappointed. Far from it, actually; he couldn’t have been more impressed, or grateful. The two sets of long hakama and kosode were beautiful. One was a simple, forest green hakama matched with a plain, white kosode. The other was a swirl of color, the same green and white mixed with deep blue, all three colors criss-crossing the garments in a spectacular pattern. It looked so random, yet seemed to make perfect sense at the same time, and Inuyasha knew he would never grow tired of looking at it. Especially if Kagome was wearing it.
“Wow,” he muttered, stunned close to speechlessness. “Thank you.”
“I didn’t say I was done!” Daichi proclaimed giddily, truly enjoying himself. For the master seamstress, nothing brought more joy than the satisfaction of a client, especially if the client was someone he actually liked. Next he produced two sets of clothing of a type Inuyasha had never seen before. “These are a new design. I tried to base them off what I saw Kagome wearing before. I hope she likes them.”
Now Inuyasha felt even more humbled; Daichi had custom designed a whole new ensemble just for him. They did resemble the blouse and shorts Kagome had worn that day. The tops were almost exact replicas; they would go over her head instead of folding in the front, a highly unusual trait for this day and age. The neck was v-shaped but not too low, probably just enough to hint at cleavage. The bottoms would tie around her waist, and were baggier and longer than her modern shorts, extending almost to the knee. They didn’t look like cheap knockoffs of modern apparel, however. They had been made by professional hands and it showed. Inuyasha knew they would look damn good on Kagome. He suspected the modifications to make the garments less skimpy had been primarily for added protection, but perhaps Daichi had been taking a small mercy on him too. He could only imagine trying to train with Kagome while she was wearing her modern clothing. Showing so much skin, beads of sweat dripping down her arms and legs…
“Hey, Inuyasha. You awake in there?” Daichi asked amusedly, snapping his fingers. The hanyou blushed hotly but turned his attention back to the garments in his hands. One set matched the blue and yellow outfit Kagome had worn that day. Heh, and he said those colors would look bad. Inuyasha spent several moments running his hand gently over the surface of the other set, staring in awe. It was deep red, the same color as his fire-rat haori, and there was no doubt the effect had been purposeful.
“Now you can be twins!” Daichi exclaimed, causing Inuyasha to flush once more. He couldn’t help but smile as well, imagining what Kagome would look like wearing his color. And still Daichi wasn’t done. The final item was the most remarkable of all. It was a bathing yukata, white in color but made with silver highlights so the garment seemed to shimmer with every movement. Hesitantly he took it in his hands, feeling the softest of silk between his fingers. He gasped as he unfurled it. The garment was plain except for the back, and the scene there literally stole Inuyasha’s breath away. The sun was high in the sky, overlooking a green meadow where two sleeping creatures dozed, nestled together. The one in the back was a white dog, its tail wrapped protectively around its companion, a brown cat. (1) The symbolism was not lost on Inuyasha, and he turned astonished eyes up to meet Daichi’s pleased gaze.
“You might want to save that one for a special occasion down the road,” the bear said. Inuyasha could only nod dumbly in response as Daichi took the yukata from him, folded it, and placed it with the other items in a carrying bag. This was beyond his wildest dreams, simply amazing. He didn’t know how Daichi had been able to get Kagome’s measurements from memory alone, but everything looked like it would fit perfectly.
“T-thank you,” he managed finally. “All this? I don’t know what to say.”
Daichi waved him off. “You can say that Kagome will be your mate the next time I see you. How about that?”
Inuyasha’s face vanished into his haori, but Daichi made no mention of it. “Everything but the yukata was made from the fur of the elusive swamp fox. I know how it sounds, but they’re actually very clean creatures, with excellent fur. After Kagome wears them a few times, each of the garments will bind to her youki and become self-repairing, much like your haori. The yukata was made of the finest moth youkai silk I could find, but be careful with it! It’s just normal cloth so it won’t repair itself.”
“Moth youkai?” Inuyasha asked with raised eyebrows.
“Oh, right. You told me you’ve had some problems with them before. But don’t worry, not all of them feed on humans, and some are actually very nice.”
Satisfied, Inuyasha’s mood returned completely to gratitude. “Seriously, Daichi, thank you. Now I feel like I owe you a debt—”
“Not a chance, boy! I can never make up for the years of suffering I could have saved you…but that’s in the past!” Daichi exclaimed, snapping out of his momentary depression. “And this,” he said, holding up the carrying bag for Inuyasha to take, “is about the future. Now go, and start your future.”
Taking the proffered bag, Inuyasha nodded once in determination, and took off. He was finally heading home.
The journey seemed to take forever, but in reality it lasted only a few hours. He was charging through the familiar confines of his forest just as the sun sank below the horizon. His three-day separation from the woman he loved was almost over. The woman he loved…it was going to take awhile to get used to that.
A familiar scent stopped him in his tracks, filling him with a sense of dread. He immediately felt guilty for that, but that was just how he felt. And as the Shinidamachu slithered their way across the sky, Inuyasha realized for the first time that he didn’t particularly want to see Kikyou. Again, remorse struck him hard at that insight. What was wrong with him? It had been months since Kikyou had shown the slightest hostility toward him. He still cared deeply about her, and he knew she still harbored similar feelings for him. So why was he so reluctant to go to her? The answer probably lay in his most recent revelation; he didn’t want to have to tell Kikyou he was in love with her reincarnation. He didn’t want to break what was left of Kikyou’s heart, or tell her she would have to go to hell alone. But it had to be done. If either one of them were to truly move on, these things needed to be said, and now was as good a time as any. Now that he really thought about it, Kikyou deserved to know of his feelings for Kagome before he acted on them. She was his first love, and he would not forsake her before informing her of his decision. He owed her that much at least.
He trudged through the trees, his sluggish pace allowing him time to gather his thoughts. His biggest concern was how Kikyou would react. She had been calmer in recent months, more like her old self, but he couldn’t help but worry that this would cause her to revert back to the way she had been immediately after her resurrection. He had no idea what he would do if she went berserk and tried to purify him or take him to hell. Suddenly, there she was. Standing in a moonlit clearing, the picture of tranquility. It had been more than fifty years since he’d seen her look so serene. The only other time had been the night he agreed to become human for her, the last night he had ever seen her alive. (2) He gasped as she finally turned her dark eyes on him, swirling with emotion. They were soft nonetheless, and she even managed a small smile. It was just a tiny upturn of her lips, but clear as day to Inuyasha. If her scent didn’t tell him otherwise, he would have sworn she had returned to life.
“I’ve been looking for you, Inuyasha. I thought you were spending the days with my reincarnation on the other side of the well.”
Inuyasha’s jaw dropped; he was completely astounded by the utter lack of bitterness in her tone. Sure, there was some, but it was minute compared to the serenity that dominated her demeanor. And he could tell she wasn’t just hiding it or putting on an act; it just wasn’t there.
“Oh. No, Kikyou, I wasn’t.”
“Talkative as ever, I see,” Kikyou quipped with a grin as Inuyasha stared slack-jawed. Okay, this is officially weirding me out. Perhaps it was time to get down to business.
“Kikyou, I have something to tell you…”
“What’s in the bag, Inuyasha?” she asked, ignoring him. Again, there was no animosity in her voice, only genuine curiosity. But he had decided this was a good thing, and really wanted to avoid tempting fate by revealing Kagome’s presents. When he didn’t reply, Kikyou strode closer, opened the bag and peered inside herself. As she gazed at the folded fabric, her scent changed, but not in the way Inuyasha expected.
“For Kagome, I assume?” she asked, waves of sadness rolling off her. Inuyasha panicked, completely missing the fact that Kikyou had referred to Kagome by her name, and also that there was still no jealousy in her tone.
“I—she decided to stay a hanyou and wanted me to train her and I said I would and she needed some tough clothing—”
“Relax, Inuyasha!” Kikyou interrupted. “You make it seem like it’s a horrible deed for you to get Kagome a present.”
Inuyasha was going to start catching flies in his mouth if he left it open much more tonight. But he couldn’t help it; he was finding it near impossible to fully wrap his head around Kikyou’s strange demeanor. Her scent was solemn now, but not angry or jealous. Just sad.
“Good,” she declared softly after a long, uncomfortable silence.
“Kikyou?”
“I’m glad Kagome decided to stay a hanyou.”
And that might have been the single most surprising thing Inuyasha had ever heard.
“Why?”
Kikyou sighed, the sorrow pouring off her now. “Do you remember out last encounter, where you told me Kagome kept her miko powers because her heart was pure?” At Inuyasha’s nod, she continued. “It took me so long to accept that, and even longer to accept what it implied about me. I…I always thought I lost my powers because you were impure, but in reality…it was me. Between the two of us, I was the impure one. It was my fault Naraku’s trick worked. I’m sorry, Inuyasha.” Kikyou sobbed, a single tear working its way down her cheek. Inuyasha hadn’t even been aware her clay body could cry, though perhaps these were not tears of the body, but tears of the heart. He reached a hand up and gently wiped the moisture away, staring deep into her eyes. These eyes…it had been over fifty years since he’d last seen them. But here was the sad, lonely priestess who became his first friend, his cherished companion. The bitterness and hate that had haunted her brown orbs since her resurrection had completely vanished.
“Don’t say that, Kikyou. It was as much my fault as it was yours.”
“Do you still plan on accompanying me to hell, Inuyasha?” she queried, looking away. Inuyasha mirrored the action, unable to look Kikyou in the eye as he gave his answer.
“I’m sorry, Kikyou, but I’ve decided to stay here…with Kagome.”
“I see,” Kikyou replied with a cheerless smile. Stifling silence hung between the two, until finally Kikyou broke it. “Do you love her?”
It took Inuyasha several moments to get over his shock and many more to gather up the courage he needed to give his answer.
“Yes.”
“I see,” Kikyou said again. Then, after another period of silence, she uttered perhaps the most astounding thing of all. “Then I can let you go.”
This time Inuyasha almost collapsed in his astonishment. “Wha—? Kikyou, you—”
“She loves you, Inuyasha, as I never did. She accepts you, as I never did. She deserves you…as I never did.” Kikyou lowered her gaze, staring at the ground as fresh tears sprung forth. It took Inuyasha only a moment to envelop her in a warm embrace. She returned it, her tears soaking into his haori as she silently vented weeks of pent-up emotions. For Inuyasha, this turn of events was beyond comprehension. Kikyou was letting him go, and he could do the same. Part of him was happy, but he swiftly kicked that sentiment out the window. Mostly, he felt sorry for Kikyou. Fate had been so cruel to her, in both her lives. Kikyou turned her head to the side so she could speak, but did not pull away.
“After Naraku is defeated, I will return to the netherworld. You are free to live…and love.”
Inuyasha released her, only to gently grip her chin and place his lips on hers. It was a chaste kiss, and short, but in it they communicated everything that couldn’t be said in words. It was goodbye.
“I’ll never forget you, Kikyou. I promise.”
“Nor I you, Inuyasha.”
They embraced again, regrets evaporating into the wind as both simply enjoyed the moment. Kikyou pulled back first, beaming as they gazed at each other. Her aura still contained sadness, but she was even more serene than before. Then she turned away, and vanished into the trees without a look back. Inuyasha stared at the spot for the longest time, as the light from the Shinidamachu slowly faded. Gradually, the implications of what had just happened filtered through to his muddled mind. Kikyou had released him. He was free to be with Kagome. Without further ado, he sped off toward the well.
* * *
Kagome leapt easily out of the well despite the heavy backpack she carried, grateful again for hanyou jumping abilities. Tonight would be the third night since Inuyasha’s curious departure, and she was glad to be back in the feudal era. Three days of school had been a drag. Her friends hadn’t been too bad; they accepted her sunburn excuse pretty easily. But classes and homework were nothing to jump for joy about. At least Hojo was no longer asking her out every time she showed up in modern Tokyo. As she entered Kaede’s hut, the first thing she noticed was that Inuyasha wasn’t there, and judging by his faded scent, he hadn’t been for some time. The second thing was that while everyone else was happy to see her, they were acting suspicious for some reason. Curiosity sparked, she vowed to find out why. “Where’s Inuyasha?” she asked, figuring that was a good place to start.
“That baka!” Shippou yelled. “He’s out with K-mmphph!” Miroku cut the kit off, but Kagome heard what he had been about to say. Her heart clenched as she asked her next question, dreading the answer.
“Did Inuyasha…see Kikyou?”
“We don’t know, Kagome,” Sango replied, though it was clear that she didn’t really believe that. Miroku and Shippou wore the same look. “Shippou saw him at the well the night he came back through, but none of us have seen him since. And I saw Kikyou’s Shinidamachu three days ago…and every day since.”
At this, Kagome lost all the strength in her legs, slumping to the floor. Somehow she managed to hold in her tears, probably because she was used to this by now. But this time was worse than any of the others. He abandoned me. He ditched me in my time to go spend three days with Kikyou! How can he be so heartless? Why does he have to sneak around behind my back? It was ridiculous, really. It wasn’t like they were together, and this made it more than apparent that they would never be. She recalled the illusion Minoru had shown her after she had been hit with the Rebirth spell. Inuyasha pressing Kikyou against a tree, kissing her passionately as they slowly slid into vice. Perhaps that wasn’t an illusion after all, but a premonition.
The mood was grim inside the hut for the remainder of the evening. So caught up were the four friends in their assumption that they didn’t even realize it was an assumption. That Inuyasha had ditched Kagome in her time to see Kikyou became irrefutable fact. So when said hanyou raced through the doorway, grinning in high spirits, it was understandable that nobody greeted him. The hostility in that room was nearly suffocating.
“Alright, what the hell is wrong with you lot?” he grumped.
“You know damn well what’s wrong, Inuyasha,” Sango growled, the ice in her tone chilling his blood. He bared his fangs, responding to fury in kind.
“If I knew, I wouldn’t be asking, bit—”
“Inuyasha.”
Kagome had spoken his name in many ways in the time they had known each other, but never like that. Such hardness, such hostility, such bitterness…the only other person who had ever spoken to him in such a manner was Kikyou. Now he was truly frightened.
“If you didn’t want to be with me,” Kagome continued, “you should have just said so. Go back to her. We’ll collect the shards.” She said nothing else, and Inuyasha’s eyes widened then slowly narrowed as understanding dawned on him. Kikyou had been looking for him around the village. Kagome said ‘go back to her.’ Everyone was pissed at him. All of it led to one conclusion. They saw Kikyou’s Shinidamachu, and now they think I left Kagome in her time while I spent the past few days with Kikyou? What the fuck is wrong with them! Anger and hurt blossomed within him. He felt betrayed, deserted by his friends. He felt alone. He glared at each of them in turn, his emotions clearly apparent in his golden orbs, but no one would meet his gaze. That was the last straw.
“So is that what you people think? That I fucking ditched Kagome on the other side of the well so I could see Kikyou? Is that what you’re telling me?!”
Silence was his only answer, but the message was loud and clear. Without another word, he turned and left.
(1) I have to give credit to whitewavereborn here, because I totally pirated this yukata idea from her story “Courtship.” But I did change it around a little, and like I’ve said before, you can’t have everything you write be completely original.
(2) I may be bending the anime facts here, but just go with it. I think one of the episodes had Inuyasha tell her that during the day.
2011 Note – Man, I used a lot of F-words in the original version of this chapter. I deleted some and changed some to ‘hell’ or ‘damn.’ I don’t think it’s so excessive now. And I’m still taking out a ton of ellipses.
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