InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Naraku's Sick Sense of Humor ❯ Everyone's Gone Crazy ( Chapter 2 )

Naraku's Sick Sense of Humor

Chapter II…Everybody's Gone Crazy …

 

Blah blah blah Inuyasha not mine blah blah all that BS.

Chapter 2 begins…NOW!

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“The first thing we need to do is figure out how this happened…Who did it, why, how, all that stuff,” Kagome said.

“And then beat the shit out of them,” said Inuyasha, looking down at himself. “And soon, `cause the new moon is coming up tomorrow night.”

“Already? That seems to happen a lot when we need to get something accomplished…” Miroku pointed out.

“Yeah, that always bugged the hell outta me,” Inuyasha replied.

“ANYWAY…So who could have possibly wanted to do something to us like this?” Kagome asked, pulling out a large pad of paper to make a chart.

“Sesshomaru,” said Inuyasha. “He'd get a kick out of seeing me as a woman.”

Kagome wrote him down.

“Kikyo…At Inuyasha she is mad, she'd like to see us sad,” Shippo said. Kagome wrote down Kikyo.

“Yeah, but this doesn't seem like something Kikyo would do,” Inuyasha argued.

“What about your brother? Why would he do this, rather than another?” Shippo fired back.

“Of course, there's always Naraku,” Miroku said. “He is a douchebag, after all. This comes off to me as his doing.”

Inuyasha piped up, “Koga! Koga's a douchebag, too! He'd die laughing if I turned into a chick and was humiliated! I'll bet it's him!”

Naraku and Koga were added to the chart, with “douchebag” penciled in next to them.

“Okay, anyone else? No? All right…So…we've got Sesshomaru first…Why would Sesshomaru do this?” Kagome asked.

“Because he wants to see me humiliated! If I changed from his half-breed brother to his half-breed sister, it'd give him another thing to hate me for,” Inuyasha said.

“How would he do this?”

“Uh…Well, he does have somewhat magical powers, so…”

“Okay, I'm taking Sesshomaru off the list. What about Kikyo? It seems to me that Kikyo would target me or Inuyasha only, and not Shippo and Kirara. And a priestess doesn't really have the powers to change people into other people…Witches on the other hand…”

“Maybe someone hired a witch to do this?” Sango suggested.

“A witch? Burn her! Burn her anyway!” Shippo yelled. [1]

“Oh god, not movie quotes again…” Kagome said.

“But she turned me into a newt! …I got bettah…” [1]

“Yeah, but the only witches we've pissed off are long dead, right? Unless I'm forgetting something…” Inuyasha said. “What about Koga? Like I said, he'd love to humiliate me like this!”

“Yeah, but Inuyasha, Koga has no real powers. All he can do is run really fast and jump high,” Miroku said.

“Hmm…so Koga and Kikyo are gone…Which leaves us…with…Naraku…” Kagome said, while writing on the chart.

“My money's on Naraku,” said Miroku. He is a douchebag, we have to remember that.”

“He is a giant douche,” said Sango.

“Could he be the Mega Douche?” asked Kagome.

“I think he might just be the Mega Douche,” Inuyasha said. “He's got all kinds of funky powers and shit, I'm sure he's able to do something like this with ease. I agree with Miroku.”

“So all we must do is find him and beat the crap out of him before nightfall, correct?” Sango asked.

Everyone nodded.

“Cómo podemos encontrar Naraku?” Shippo asked, en español otra vez.

“Easy, Inuyasha sniffs him out, duh,” Kagome said.

“Yeah, but the new moon is tomorrow night, my demon powers will go away. My nose won't be good enough.”

“You stinkin' cockaroach,” Shippo said. [2]

“Shut up, dude!” Inuyasha yelled, punching Shippo.

“You gotta be fucking kidding…” Shippo said. [3]

WHACK

“…ack!” Shippo tried to speak, but all that came out was the sound of someone strangling a rat. Fantastic. Now I can't speak at all, he thought.

“I like this,” said Inuyasha. Shippo gave him the finger.

Just then, a whirlwind came from the east, and stopped at the edge of camp. Inuyasha said, “Damn it all…”

“HI, KAGOME! HI, MUTT FACE! HEY, WHAT THE HELL? YOU'RE A GIRL!” Koga shouted.

“What the fuck do you want?” Inuyasha asked.

“I WANTED TO SEE IF YOU GUYS FELT STRANGE TODAY TOO! GUESS THAT ANSWERS MY QUESTION!”

“Why are you yelling?”

“I CAN'T CONTROL THE VOLUME OF MY VOICE! I'VE BEEN DEALING WITH THIS ALL MORNING!”

“I will kill you…Leave now.”

“WHY? I CAME TO SEE KAGOME!”

“How about this, douchebag? I'll Rochambeau you and if I win, you have to leave. Deal?”

“OKAY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS, BUT I'LL ACCEPT!”

Inuyasha stood up and said, “Okay, stand like this.” Koga obliged, spreading his legs slightly. Inuyasha wound up and kicked him as hard as he could, square in the nuts.

Koga said nothing, just fell on the ground instantly.

“I win,” Inuyasha proclaimed dramatically. Kagome laughed. Sango took notes. Miroku cringed.

Just then, a flying armadillo and a man with an afro showed up, wearing Hakkaku and Ginta's clothing. Everyone stared.

“We woke up like this. Something's wrong. The smell of Naraku is all over the forest,” Hakkaku, the armadillo said.

“What the fuck are you?” Inuyasha asked.

“I don't know. What does it matter?”

“Naraku was here. He did this to us. And we aren't the only demons affected by it. We ran into your brother, Sesshomaru, along the way,” Ginta said.

“Oh noez,” Inuyasha said, looking behind Ginta's giant fro. But he saw nothing. “Huh?”

“Look down, worthless half-breed,” came Sesshomaru's voice.

Inuyasha looked down to see a tiny Sesshomaru…and began laughing.

“You're a dwarf!”

“Shut up! You look like a woman!” yelled Sesshomaru.

“That's `cause I am a woman!” laughed Inuyasha.

Sesshomaru began laughing as well.

“Sesshomaru…laughing?? I'm frightened,” Kagome said.

“Don't laugh at Lord Sesshomaru, baby, he's too cool for you. You're tuned to the far end of the dial, baby, with Masta Jaken on J-105.5,” Jaken said, in his new voice.

Good god, thought Shippo, miming being trapped in a box. That's fucked up.

“All the mortals are unaffected. It seems whatever Naraku did was intended for demons only,” Sesshomaru said.

“Or Naraku fucked it up,” Inuyasha said. “That's a distinct possibility.”

 

********************

“Shit! I fucked it up!” Naraku cursed. “Moron!”

“Why, what happened?” asked Kagura.

“The humans weren't affected by the potion, only the dem-” Naraku turned and looked at Kagura, and stopped speaking once he saw her.

“…What?”

“Um…Kagura, did you get out of there as quickly as possible like I said?”

“Yes, why? …Why, what happened?”

“Kanna! Come here.”

Kanna entered the room and held her mirror up to Kagura.

“Oh, Goddamnit. You can't be serious,” Kagura said, highly annoyed. Her reflection in the mirror showed her to have a Chester A. Arthur-style beard.

“And I just shaved this morning…”

“Didn't need to know that…I'm working on a new potion that will mess with the humans as well. I'll call you when it's ready.”

 

**************************************

Sesshomaru had left to go search for Naraku and give him a whooping, and Ginta and Hakkaku dragged Koga, still unconscious from being booted in the jewels, back to wherever they hell they go when they leave.

Night was setting in, and Kagome and Sango decided to go off to the hot springs.

“We'll be back in an hour.”

“Wait, am I supposed to bathe with Miroku still?” Inuyasha asked.

“What's that supposed to mean?” Miroku asked, insulted.

“Come on, dude. It's you. We all know what you're like,” Inuyasha answered.

Kagome looked at Sango, who shrugged.

“All right, come on,” Kagome said, grabbing Inuyasha.

“Wait, what's going on?”

“Well, if you're going to look like a woman, we're going to make you smell like one,” she said, while dragging him with the help of Sango.

“You stay here, monk,” Sango commanded.

A dark cloud formed over Miroku's head as he sat down.

“That's not fair,” he said, tracing a circle in the dirt with his finger. “Why does Inuyasha get to go in the bath with the ladies…”

Shippo pointed and laughed silently.

“What're you going to do to me? What's that thing? Aah! What are you doing to me?! Miroku, help me, they're killing me!” Inuyasha yelled as he was dragged away.

“It's just a loofah, it'll scrape off all that dead skin and leave you shiny and clean!”

Miroku sulked. Shippo mimed leaning against a wall.

 

********************************

The ladies forced Inuyasha out of his clothes and into the water. Kagome dumped shampoo on him then jumped in, attacking him with the loofah.

“It burns!”

“Such a baby. SIT!”

“Yaah!”

Inuyasha was thrown into the water, rinsing himself in the process. Kagome looked him up and down, and said, “That's not fair. He's really a man but he's got bigger breasts than me.”

“I don't know, Kagome, I don't think so,” Sango said.

Inuyasha was highly embarrassed. Boobies… he thought.

Kagome sat down in the water and sighed.

“I hope we can get this resolved, I don't know if I can handle having my boyfriend turned into a woman.”

“Boy… friend?” Inuyasha stuttered.

“Well, yah, how stupid are you? It's only been implied at every possible chance. Geez, read the script.”

Inuyasha was still overwhelmed by the female presence surrounding him.

A rustle was heard in the bushes.

“Don't even think about it, Miroku!” Sango yelled.

“Oh, come on, why you gotta be like that, Sango? I'm just guarding you from danger!”

“Uh huh, and trying to get a sneak peak, too, I'll bet.”

“The job has its perks.”

“Well, go guard somewhere away from here. Far away.”

“Ohhh…come on, pleeeeease?” he whined.

“NO!”

“…This is bullcrap…” Some more rustling was heard, which slowly got quieter.

A moment passed.

“Is he still there?” asked Kagome.

“What do you think?” Sango replied.

A single rustle was heard.

“Oh, Kagome, this water feels so good on my bare flesh. So soothing on my smooth, pale skin. It's so relaxing, I could stay in here forever. It's delightful,” Sango said, motioning for Kagome to keep it going.

“Sango, you're right, but you know what feels really good? When you rub the water against yourself,” Kagome said, trying not to laugh.

Miroku wasn't close enough to see, but he could hear, that's for sure.

“Oh…damn…an opportunity like this doesn't come up every day. Even if it means lots of physical pain, the sights I will see will be worth every hit!”

Miroku cast off his kimono, ran, and leaped into the pool of water, shouting,

“I'm here for you, ladies!”

Neither Sango nor Kagome expected that to happen, and when Miroku resurfaced, both women wore facial expressions of rage mixed with surprise.

“Hello. Fine evening tonight, isn't it? So…how are you doing?”

Inuyasha thought, He's done for… Followed by, Boobies…

Oh the beating Miroku received…If I were to repeat to you now what they did to him, you would run from the monitor screaming in horror…

He staggered away, battered and bruised, but repeating, “It was totally worth it…”

As he walked back to the campfire, he could hear the women and Inuyasha talking.

“Now hold still, Inuyasha, let me do this…”

“What is that? What are you doing? Help me, someone!! Anyone! Mama!!”

 

*********************************

“Oh, come on, Inuyasha, you look pretty now. I don't see what's so bad about it,” Miroku said in the morning, smirking like a bandit.

“I will kill you…” Inuyasha threatened. After the bath that night, the girls attacked Inuyasha with various make-ups and cosmetics. He now had on eye shadow, mascara, and lip gloss. Shippo rolled with silent laughter. Inuyasha gave him a death glare, but Shippo still laughed on and on. Kagome and Sango snickered over by the fire.

“He's so cute wearing that hair ribbon, too,” Kagome said.

“…This is all wrong…You people are insane…” Inuyasha grumbled. He tore the ribbon out of his hair.

“Oh, come on, Inuyasha, where's you sense of humor?” Kagome asked.

“Feh.”

********************************

The day passed by without much happening. Inuyasha washed off the make-up after Shippo kept miming things that insulted him. He then proceeded to swing a medium-sized branch at Shippo, clocking him in the head at one point, which earned him a “Sit, boy!” from Kagome. Fortunately for Shippo, that blow restored his ability to speak. But it gave him a concussion and he was out for hours.

Sesshomaru picked up a trace of Naraku's scent and followed it.

Koga's balls still hurt. He walked very slowly towards the direction he believed Naraku to be in.

The night of the new moon approached…

 

********************************

“Kagura! …Kagura? …Kagura!!” Naraku called.

From the other end of the castle came an annoyed, “Whaaat?”

“Come here!”

“Why?”

“Because I said so, Goddamnit!”

“But I'm watching my stories! Naraku…!”

“Just come here so I don't have to keep yelling through the damned house!”

Kagura sighed and obeyed.

“You rang?” she said sarcastically.

“Don't make me strike you…Here, take this. This potion will affect Inuyasha's mortal friends and make them all weird and shit. Dump it on them while they sleep and we'll watch the fun and eat popcorn shrimp from Red Lobster!”

“Naraku…Red Lobster hasn't been founded yet. It's the 1500s. It'll be a few centuries before popcorn shrimp is even invented. I don't even know if deep frying has caught on anywhere yet.”

“Well, then we'll be the first…Stop talking! Get out of this castle and do what I ask!”

“…It's only a model…” [4]

“Shh!”

**********************************

“Inuyasha, the sun is setting,” Kagome said.

“You think?” he replied, sipping his tea.

“Sit.”

WHUMP

“So what will we do if Inuyasha remains a woman for the rest of his life?” Miroku asked, chewing on a piece of meat.

A look of horror crept onto Inuyasha's face.

“I don't really know. It'll be very strange keeping a romantic relationship together if he's a woman. A girl has certain needs that only a man can fulfill,” Kagome said dreamily.

Inuyasha and Miroku looked at each other as if to say, “Daaaaaamn. Did I hear right?”

“And I don't know how my mother would react if she found out I was dating a woman…” Kagome continued. “I suppose Hojo could be useful for something after all…”

Inuyasha stood up quickly and shouted, “Who the fuck is Hojo?!”

“Relax, Inuyasha, I'm only teasing you! Hojo's stuck in the closet, you've got nothing to worry about from him.”

Inuyasha let out a sigh of relief.

“But Koga on the other hand…”

“WHAAAAA?” Inuyasha screamed in disbelief, spitting his tea out into the fire.

“I'm kidding! Just kidding again! You take things too seriously, Inuyasha!”

“That's not funny. At all.”

“Well, look at our situation, here, Inuyasha. I suppose I could try swinging the other way for you, but I don't know if I'll be able to keep that up for very long.”

Miroku nearly choked on his food.

Shippo began to wake up from his coma.

“Uhh…my head…FUCK!”

“Shippo! Are you okay?” Kagome asked.

“No…my head is killing me…SHIT!”

“Such strong words from such a little fox,” Sango commented.

“What are you talking about, Sango? …ASS!” Shippo asked.

“Inuyasha…” Kagome said, turning to the half-demon formerly known as male.

“What? So he learned some new words? Big deal.”

“What are you guys talking about? …DICK! BALLS!”

“You've given him Tourette's, you jackass.”

“What the hell's that?”

Kagome sighed.

Shippo said, “TWAT!”

Kagome smacked him.

“Oww, Kagome, what'd you do that for? Waaaah! …SHIT!”

“Oh, this is wonderful…What I wouldn't give for him to go back to the rhyming…”

The sun set fully and darkness settled over the forest.

Inuyasha sat up and said, “I feel funny all of a sudden…”

He began transforming into his human form, but as he did, his womanly features slowly vanished, and he returned to his normal manly self.

“I'm back to normal!” he exclaimed. “I'll be right back, I have to check something.”

He ran out behind the bushes and a few seconds later, he shouted, “Oh, thank the gods, I missed you guys so much!”

Miroku understood and nodded, but the girls needed a minute to catch on.

Inuyasha called out, excitedly, “Kagome, come here, I'm a man again! See?”

Kagome couldn't help but look.

“Oh…my…GAWD! I'll say,” she said in shock. She wandered off into the bushes.

Out of curiosity, Sango turned and looked, then blushed heavily.

“Good lord!” she cried. “No wonder he's so dense, there's not enough blood getting to his brain!”

“Well, he is a half-demon. Different than normal men. I myself am not normal, though,” Miroku said with confidence.

Sango smirked. “Uh huh.”

Miroku looked insulted.

“What?”

“That hurts me, Sango. Right here,” he said, gesturing to his chest. “But it really hurts me down here,” he said, gesturing a little lower.

“Perverted monk.” She turned an looked back at Kagome and Inuyasha. “…What are they doing? Oh my god they're-”

“FUCKING!” Shippo screamed.

“I was going to say `reaching a high point in their relationship,' but that works just as well.”

Miroku and Sango watched intently, unable to look away.

“My god, I didn't know the human body could bend that way!”

“Kagome is very limber.”

“That looks uncomfortable…”

“We wouldn't know `til we tried it, now would we?”

“Don't get any ideas, monk.”

“Too late for that, I'm afraid…”

“Oi…”

****************************

Kagura waited until nightfall, like Naraku had said, before she set out to dump this new potion on the gang and really start messing with their heads.

“Is Naraku insane? Maybe he's on drugs…I saw him snorting something off of Kanna's mirror…He has to be for him to think this is anything but retarded…”

She flew over the campsite, and did a double take.

“Are they…? Oh my god, they are!” She snickered, and said, “Heh. Maybe this will ruin their fun,” and dumped the potion onto the mortals below.

She flew away very rapidly, snickering to herself.

“Ha ha…they were doin' it.”

 

*****************************

The mood was ruined…Twice. Once when the potion hit everyone, and again when it took effect.

“Ah, what the fuck?” Inuyasha called out to the sky. “What is this shit? All over me…”

“Inuyasha.”

“What's up?”

“Something's wrong…”

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HA HA! Cliffhanger! And there's nothing you can do about it!

 

Seriously, though, I have to end there, I've reached my creativity limit for the moment. I'm not sure, but I think there will be definitely one, maybe 2 more chapters in this. But I don't know when I'll get to them. Keep an eye out, if I have any fans already.

Review what I have so far (please), and check out my serious story “The Man From the Mainland” which is also unfinished. Bye.

-grayfox01

 

(Shippo's movie quotes…)

[1] Villager; “Monty Python and the Holy Grail”

[2] Tony Montana; “Scarface”

[3] Palmer; John Carpenter's “The Thing”

[4] Patsy; “Monty Python and the Holy Grail”

 

Side note: ever notice that after you think you're done with something and handed it in or posted it, you always find a bunch of typos right afterwards? I hate that.