InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ One Simple Question ❯ The First Moment of Clarity ( Chapter 19 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: harpersong 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Comedy / Adventure | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 10.24.2011 | Pages: 1 | Words: 2.6K | Visits: 2.0K | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Comedy / Adventure | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 10.24.2011 | Pages: 1 | Words: 2.6K | Visits: 2.0K | Status: Completed
InuYasha leapt away from the camp. The bear. It was all the bear. It would be so damn simple if he just killed the fucking thing. It didn't help that those pills of Kagome's were messing with Sango's body. He didn't really know the fuck was going on there, and really didn't want to, but he could smell enough to know it was something. And the whole thing with Kohaku now being in his life... did he tell the kid what he was doing and offer to mark him too or explain the dangers and see the kid settled elsewhere or...? But if he marked the kid he had more time figure out what to do with Kagome. If he did he'd be claiming another damn human. One more person to protect. One more person to let down. And he wasn't even certain yet how he felt for the boy. Too many choices. And to someone who hated lots of thinking, none of them were good.
Fuck it all. He needed to unwind. If the damn women weren't going to bathe then HE was. Not that he liked bathing by any stretch of the imagination, but it was a new kind of grumpy. Instead of grumbling and muttering about the big, heavy choices in his life he could unwind by muttering and grumbling about the tiny things, like cold water. It wasn't a perfect theory, but it worked for him. InuYasha bounded through the wooded countryside as the sun began to set, intent on bathing himself and his clothing until there wasn't a single speck of bear scent on either of them. Because it would be nice and distracting for a while and he'd be damned if he let himself get so throw off track by the urge to rut he started spewing the crap in his heart again. It wasn't manly. It wasn't safe. It sure as hell wasn't smart when you just happened to communicate the way he did.
The water of the stream, which bowed to create a bit of a bank, was colder than he'd like, but the shock to his system was more than welcome. InuYasha was smiling as he muttered soft curses about the temperature of the water, gooseflesh racing along his skin. This was a simple pain in the ass, easily dealt with. It was almost a relief to him. InuYasha drenched his clothing until he could no longer detect bear on it and then spread it on a rock to dry before tending to himself. He WOULD get the stink of bear out. He would. Damnit.
~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o ~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~
Kagome sighed a lot as she and Sango prepared supper. And every time a stray breeze sent branches shaking her head whipped around, shiny black locks flying, hoping to spot a glimpse of fire rat material or golden eyes glinting in the fading light. She sat with her back to the fire Miroku lit, and the houshi's jokes that night just fell flat, she just couldn't bring herself to care about the slightly off color comments which usually never failed to produce at least some reaction from her. At some point Sango laid a hand on her husband's arm, surely a warning of things to come should he push, but Kagome didn't seem to notice when the conversation died completely. With Hachi and Kohaku and Shippou back at Kaede's there weren't too many buffers between the members of the group, and Kagome felt his absence keenly.
It was hours after the hanyou left and long after they'd banked the fire. Kagome was laying in her sleeping roll, listening to the sound of Sango and Miroku sleeping. They were side by side under covers, and occasionally Miroku would make noise in his sleep. A contented sound, almost like even his subconscious was delighted to have Sango so close, even in sleep. Her heart squeezed, both in happiness for them and pain for her own plight. Kagome turned over and gazed through the wavering column of heated air over the fire and into the forest. Through the canopy she could see tiny patches of black night sky and sometimes even a twinkling star or two. And although her mind was whirling with thoughts, the foremost in her mind that InuYasha had practically admitted to having feelings for her, she found her eyelids starting to drift shut. Despite her best efforts to wait for her hanyou to return.
It could have been moments, it could have been hours, but at some point Kagome was awoken by a noise that originated behind her and seemed to come closer. Her sleeping bag was tugged up a bit higher and one gentle claw brushed a stray lock of hair from her head. In a flash she was wide awake and she fought to keep her breathing even. If she was awake, he'd leave. She knew it.
"I'm sorry, Kagome. For all the things I can't say."
Kagome's heart clenched at the words. Oh they hinted at so much without saying anything! The more logical side of her yearned to take those words as an admission of love, and the doubting teenage angst-filled side told her she was deluding herself. That he was just as unable to tell her to go away so he could be with Kikiyo as he was to profess undying love. That there were so many words he couldn't seem to get his mouth to form that that particular statement could be as bad as it could be good.
There was a shift behind her, cloth rustling and a change in InuYasha's breathing patterns that indicated he was moving, and then there was a warmth at her back. She felt something settle onto the material at her back and realized InuYasha had laid down behind her, tucking his form against hers. At that point the beating of her heart must have been as loud as a warning klaxon to him, but his very proximity had her heart galloping around her chest and her breathing a bit harsher than usual.
InuYasha stilled behind her, a sure sign he'd noticed he'd woken her. Kagome was afraid he'd leap away. She turned, rolling in place and gripped his haori, clutching the wool-like material in her hands. He had said so much and she had said so little in return to reciprocate. Granted nothing he said was particularly helpful, but he was trying and she didn't want to just let him fumble alone in the dark.
"InuYasha..." Kagome paused, the flowery speeches and words falling to ash on her tongue. What could she possibly say?
"InuYasha, I love you." Kagome's eyes widened to the size of great dinner plates. Well that was certainly one option! But she hadn't meant to say that! Her hands shook softly and her body threatened to hyperventilate. She had to explain, she had to... say... something! Forcing more words out between her teeth suddenly seemed as hard as running a marathon.
"I know, I know that you might not feel the same. I know you cared about Kikiyo and I'm not asking you to... to choose. InuYasha I'm not even asking to hear you tell me you care back. I just... I'm sorry I..."
Kagome's words sputtered out as a low chuckle sounded from somewhere above her head.
"Kagome... Shut up." InuYasha leaned down and rubbed his nose against hers tenderly before planting a gentle kiss against her lips.
~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o ~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~
InuYasha woke in the morning as the sun began to rise and untangled himself from... Oh, right. Kagome had refused to let him go. And truth to tell InuYasha hadn't wanted to take his hands off her. Pulling himself free he stood and looked around. No one else had even begun to stir. Good.
By the time Miroku and the girls awoke the inu hanyou was perched in a tree near camp, lightly dozing. Kagome frowned as her sleep fogged mind tried to reason out why. Why did he want to be away from her? Was he embarrassed or ashamed? Was it the bear's pheromones messing with him again and last night was another slip he would never repeat? The pain of that particular thought threatened to tear her in two.
Kagome looked up, eyes pained and uncomprehending, and met a molten gold gaze. InuYasha was watching her from half-lidded eyes. The look he gave her warmed her from the inside out. It was affectionate, and slightly wild. Like the hanyou himself. It made a thrill of happiness and excitement lance up her supine spine.
Kagome calmed her fluttering heart. InuYasha's emotions flowed slower than molasses in the middle of a frozen solid winter. Of course he couldn't admit anything, Kagome thought to herself. It made sense to her that he was still uncertain of things, and it was long before he could possibly be comfortable enough with the situation to admit anything openly. She could be patient. She would be patient, while he worked through the emotional bog at his own pace. It still made her want to bounce around like Shippou on sugar squealing in happiness.
She was breathing easier by the time she got breakfast started. Sometimes a girl's mind could be her own worst enemy. After Naraku maybe.
~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0 o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~
With a subtle, tense silence between them the group spent the day tracking the bear. The day was overcast and cloudy and as far as InuYasha was concerned that was only for the better. Scents did not travel as well when moisture hung in the air, and so he estimated they would be able to get closer than the previous days before he'd be able to smell anything. Most silent of all was the inu hanyou. InuYasha had felt that since the bear had come into the village his mouth had been running almost nonstop with no regard for what he did or did not want to say, how, or to whom. The weirdest piece of all was that it wasn't getting him sat. Usually, every time he spoke: Osuwari! And yet now, the more he spoke, the more Kagome seemed pleased with him. The world was insane, and the poor hanyou couldn't understand it.
He wish he knew what he was doing, right or wrong, but there was no one he could ask. Shippou was too young, and the father-son relationship they had been building did not include a clause on asking one's son how to properly communicate with one's mother. The houshi, yeah, Inu Yasha would ask him for help just as soon as Naraku was reincarnated as a geisha. There was no power in the world that could convince him going to Miroku for advice would be a good thing. And it was no good going to Kagome herself. If she had to explain it it would lose value. He knew that, she'd said it before. That whole, 'If I have to tell you to do it then it means less.' Thing. He didn't get it, but he remembered that's how she felt. Kaede? The thought of going to the older miko for anything like that made him want to fall over laughing.
A niggling thought in a corner of his mind made him stop. He opened the bonds between himself and the others just enough to taste their emotional states. Miroku had sensed the tension and decided to ignore it in favor of daydreaming about his wife's ass. Sango...
Sango was worried about Kagome. Worried about him. And wishing there was something she could do. He sent a thought to her, closed off the bonds to make his thoughts his own again and watched her start when she 'heard' it. She looked and met his eye and he jerked his head. He wanted to talk to her. When they stopped for lunch he wandered away from the others slowly and waited. Sure enough Sango followed him. He knew he wasn't a great speaker, so he just plunged in with both feet.
"Hey, Sango, I got a question."
The taijiya remained silent, waiting.
"What the fuck am I doing right? She hasn't sat me in weeks! I don't get it." And as much as he hated to admit not knowing something he had to know. There were too many changes nowadays and he felt more vulnerable than ever not understanding the things that were going on.
Sango smiled but knew better than to laugh or tease him for it. She thought for a good minute, putting her thoughts together concisely so she wouldn't confuse him more with too many words at once. This shouldn't be a conversation, she realized, just an answer.
"When you say very little, Kagome-chan's mind is free to think the worst she can imagine for your reasoning. When you talk, it allows her to see why you do the things you do instead of making up reasons on her own. And since you usually have good reasons for what you do... no hanyou shaped craters." Sango smiled and headed back to camp, knowing the 'conversation' was over.
Inu Yasha watched her go dumbly, utterly shocked and amazed by the simplicity of it all.
"FUCKING HELL!"
Three heads swiveled from where they were focused on what Kagome was putting together for lunch. One of them was smirking.
~~~
A/N: Apologies aren't enough. I'm so sorry I've been gone. I'm not giving up the stories though. And for those of you who review, this is for you.
Converting /tmp/phph7HdyO to /dev/stdout
Fuck it all. He needed to unwind. If the damn women weren't going to bathe then HE was. Not that he liked bathing by any stretch of the imagination, but it was a new kind of grumpy. Instead of grumbling and muttering about the big, heavy choices in his life he could unwind by muttering and grumbling about the tiny things, like cold water. It wasn't a perfect theory, but it worked for him. InuYasha bounded through the wooded countryside as the sun began to set, intent on bathing himself and his clothing until there wasn't a single speck of bear scent on either of them. Because it would be nice and distracting for a while and he'd be damned if he let himself get so throw off track by the urge to rut he started spewing the crap in his heart again. It wasn't manly. It wasn't safe. It sure as hell wasn't smart when you just happened to communicate the way he did.
The water of the stream, which bowed to create a bit of a bank, was colder than he'd like, but the shock to his system was more than welcome. InuYasha was smiling as he muttered soft curses about the temperature of the water, gooseflesh racing along his skin. This was a simple pain in the ass, easily dealt with. It was almost a relief to him. InuYasha drenched his clothing until he could no longer detect bear on it and then spread it on a rock to dry before tending to himself. He WOULD get the stink of bear out. He would. Damnit.
~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o ~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~
Kagome sighed a lot as she and Sango prepared supper. And every time a stray breeze sent branches shaking her head whipped around, shiny black locks flying, hoping to spot a glimpse of fire rat material or golden eyes glinting in the fading light. She sat with her back to the fire Miroku lit, and the houshi's jokes that night just fell flat, she just couldn't bring herself to care about the slightly off color comments which usually never failed to produce at least some reaction from her. At some point Sango laid a hand on her husband's arm, surely a warning of things to come should he push, but Kagome didn't seem to notice when the conversation died completely. With Hachi and Kohaku and Shippou back at Kaede's there weren't too many buffers between the members of the group, and Kagome felt his absence keenly.
It was hours after the hanyou left and long after they'd banked the fire. Kagome was laying in her sleeping roll, listening to the sound of Sango and Miroku sleeping. They were side by side under covers, and occasionally Miroku would make noise in his sleep. A contented sound, almost like even his subconscious was delighted to have Sango so close, even in sleep. Her heart squeezed, both in happiness for them and pain for her own plight. Kagome turned over and gazed through the wavering column of heated air over the fire and into the forest. Through the canopy she could see tiny patches of black night sky and sometimes even a twinkling star or two. And although her mind was whirling with thoughts, the foremost in her mind that InuYasha had practically admitted to having feelings for her, she found her eyelids starting to drift shut. Despite her best efforts to wait for her hanyou to return.
It could have been moments, it could have been hours, but at some point Kagome was awoken by a noise that originated behind her and seemed to come closer. Her sleeping bag was tugged up a bit higher and one gentle claw brushed a stray lock of hair from her head. In a flash she was wide awake and she fought to keep her breathing even. If she was awake, he'd leave. She knew it.
"I'm sorry, Kagome. For all the things I can't say."
Kagome's heart clenched at the words. Oh they hinted at so much without saying anything! The more logical side of her yearned to take those words as an admission of love, and the doubting teenage angst-filled side told her she was deluding herself. That he was just as unable to tell her to go away so he could be with Kikiyo as he was to profess undying love. That there were so many words he couldn't seem to get his mouth to form that that particular statement could be as bad as it could be good.
There was a shift behind her, cloth rustling and a change in InuYasha's breathing patterns that indicated he was moving, and then there was a warmth at her back. She felt something settle onto the material at her back and realized InuYasha had laid down behind her, tucking his form against hers. At that point the beating of her heart must have been as loud as a warning klaxon to him, but his very proximity had her heart galloping around her chest and her breathing a bit harsher than usual.
InuYasha stilled behind her, a sure sign he'd noticed he'd woken her. Kagome was afraid he'd leap away. She turned, rolling in place and gripped his haori, clutching the wool-like material in her hands. He had said so much and she had said so little in return to reciprocate. Granted nothing he said was particularly helpful, but he was trying and she didn't want to just let him fumble alone in the dark.
"InuYasha..." Kagome paused, the flowery speeches and words falling to ash on her tongue. What could she possibly say?
"InuYasha, I love you." Kagome's eyes widened to the size of great dinner plates. Well that was certainly one option! But she hadn't meant to say that! Her hands shook softly and her body threatened to hyperventilate. She had to explain, she had to... say... something! Forcing more words out between her teeth suddenly seemed as hard as running a marathon.
"I know, I know that you might not feel the same. I know you cared about Kikiyo and I'm not asking you to... to choose. InuYasha I'm not even asking to hear you tell me you care back. I just... I'm sorry I..."
Kagome's words sputtered out as a low chuckle sounded from somewhere above her head.
"Kagome... Shut up." InuYasha leaned down and rubbed his nose against hers tenderly before planting a gentle kiss against her lips.
~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o ~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~
InuYasha woke in the morning as the sun began to rise and untangled himself from... Oh, right. Kagome had refused to let him go. And truth to tell InuYasha hadn't wanted to take his hands off her. Pulling himself free he stood and looked around. No one else had even begun to stir. Good.
By the time Miroku and the girls awoke the inu hanyou was perched in a tree near camp, lightly dozing. Kagome frowned as her sleep fogged mind tried to reason out why. Why did he want to be away from her? Was he embarrassed or ashamed? Was it the bear's pheromones messing with him again and last night was another slip he would never repeat? The pain of that particular thought threatened to tear her in two.
Kagome looked up, eyes pained and uncomprehending, and met a molten gold gaze. InuYasha was watching her from half-lidded eyes. The look he gave her warmed her from the inside out. It was affectionate, and slightly wild. Like the hanyou himself. It made a thrill of happiness and excitement lance up her supine spine.
Kagome calmed her fluttering heart. InuYasha's emotions flowed slower than molasses in the middle of a frozen solid winter. Of course he couldn't admit anything, Kagome thought to herself. It made sense to her that he was still uncertain of things, and it was long before he could possibly be comfortable enough with the situation to admit anything openly. She could be patient. She would be patient, while he worked through the emotional bog at his own pace. It still made her want to bounce around like Shippou on sugar squealing in happiness.
She was breathing easier by the time she got breakfast started. Sometimes a girl's mind could be her own worst enemy. After Naraku maybe.
~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0 o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~o0o~
With a subtle, tense silence between them the group spent the day tracking the bear. The day was overcast and cloudy and as far as InuYasha was concerned that was only for the better. Scents did not travel as well when moisture hung in the air, and so he estimated they would be able to get closer than the previous days before he'd be able to smell anything. Most silent of all was the inu hanyou. InuYasha had felt that since the bear had come into the village his mouth had been running almost nonstop with no regard for what he did or did not want to say, how, or to whom. The weirdest piece of all was that it wasn't getting him sat. Usually, every time he spoke: Osuwari! And yet now, the more he spoke, the more Kagome seemed pleased with him. The world was insane, and the poor hanyou couldn't understand it.
He wish he knew what he was doing, right or wrong, but there was no one he could ask. Shippou was too young, and the father-son relationship they had been building did not include a clause on asking one's son how to properly communicate with one's mother. The houshi, yeah, Inu Yasha would ask him for help just as soon as Naraku was reincarnated as a geisha. There was no power in the world that could convince him going to Miroku for advice would be a good thing. And it was no good going to Kagome herself. If she had to explain it it would lose value. He knew that, she'd said it before. That whole, 'If I have to tell you to do it then it means less.' Thing. He didn't get it, but he remembered that's how she felt. Kaede? The thought of going to the older miko for anything like that made him want to fall over laughing.
A niggling thought in a corner of his mind made him stop. He opened the bonds between himself and the others just enough to taste their emotional states. Miroku had sensed the tension and decided to ignore it in favor of daydreaming about his wife's ass. Sango...
Sango was worried about Kagome. Worried about him. And wishing there was something she could do. He sent a thought to her, closed off the bonds to make his thoughts his own again and watched her start when she 'heard' it. She looked and met his eye and he jerked his head. He wanted to talk to her. When they stopped for lunch he wandered away from the others slowly and waited. Sure enough Sango followed him. He knew he wasn't a great speaker, so he just plunged in with both feet.
"Hey, Sango, I got a question."
The taijiya remained silent, waiting.
"What the fuck am I doing right? She hasn't sat me in weeks! I don't get it." And as much as he hated to admit not knowing something he had to know. There were too many changes nowadays and he felt more vulnerable than ever not understanding the things that were going on.
Sango smiled but knew better than to laugh or tease him for it. She thought for a good minute, putting her thoughts together concisely so she wouldn't confuse him more with too many words at once. This shouldn't be a conversation, she realized, just an answer.
"When you say very little, Kagome-chan's mind is free to think the worst she can imagine for your reasoning. When you talk, it allows her to see why you do the things you do instead of making up reasons on her own. And since you usually have good reasons for what you do... no hanyou shaped craters." Sango smiled and headed back to camp, knowing the 'conversation' was over.
Inu Yasha watched her go dumbly, utterly shocked and amazed by the simplicity of it all.
"FUCKING HELL!"
Three heads swiveled from where they were focused on what Kagome was putting together for lunch. One of them was smirking.
~~~
A/N: Apologies aren't enough. I'm so sorry I've been gone. I'm not giving up the stories though. And for those of you who review, this is for you.
Converting /tmp/phph7HdyO to /dev/stdout