InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Our Decision ❯ Nothing is everything ( Chapter 3 )

A/N: This one is angsty! I hope you enjoy it!

 

Disclaimer: *sighs* As much as I want to, I don't own InuYasha.

 

`What the hell am I doing?' InuYasha thought, jerking away from Kagome. His eyes were wide as if filled with his own doubts and insecurities. He couldn't understand it. Where did that come from? `I need to get out of here.' He quickly moved to Kagome's window, sliding it open and leaping out of it.

 

Kagome could barely breath. `That was…' Words couldn't even describe what she felt when he kissed her. It was like a fire was ignited inside of her the moment his lips brushed across her own. It was divergent to anything she had ever imagined. Her expression darkened. `Why did he run, though?' Self-conscious thoughts began to flood her mind. `What if it wasn't what he expected?' She didn't want to think about that. She just wanted to relish in the knowledge that they had finally passed the hugging stage. Still, whether he had kissed her or not, the fact remained that he ran from her.

 

Was he scared of what it might have led to? She let out a deep sigh. `InuYasha is so hard to read sometimes. I wish he would just talk to me about it.' A feeling of loneliness began to slowly ensnare her in its overpowering anguish. `He's been so distant lately. It feels like I can't reach him anymore.' She extended her arm out, and then pulled it back, as if acting out her thoughts. `He must be so afraid. This would have a huge impact on our lives, and I get the feeling that he's secretly wishing that it wouldn't.' False hope. Why is it that people try to force themselves to believe something that they know is not true? Perhaps it was to create a sense of security. Do they not understand that they would soon wake up to realize that all they believe is just…false?

 

Kagome shoved the thought away. She could never quite grasp why people would do that to themselves, or why InuYasha would.

 

(000000000000000000)

 

InuYasha leaned against the well, looking disgruntled. He took in the quiet surroundings of his era, reliving his mistake. `What was I thinking?' Not only had he confused himself, but he was sure he had left Kagome in a state of uncertainty as well. Had he subconsciously wanted to kiss her or was it simply a momentary lapse? As he questioned his own motives he began to ponder hers.

 

After all, he was the one to pull away, not Kagome. She had even said “thank you” after he had finally agreed to fulfill the prophecy, as if that was the answer she was hoping for.

 

“Why does she want this so much?” InuYasha wondered aloud. It just didn't make any sense. Why did she want to put herself through that? How could she possibly benefit from it?

 

He stood up, facing the well, hesitating for a moment. He knew that he needed to talk to Kagome; that he wanted to; but he couldn't think of the first thing to say to her. He shook his head. Why couldn't things just stay the same? InuYasha leaned over the well to gaze inside of the only thing that connected him to Kagome. To them, time was meaningless, and easily overcome.

 

He sighed. `I can't face her, not now.' He was aware that avoiding the situation would get him nowhere, but it seemed like that was all he could do. `It's like Kagome said, what choice do we have?' He sunk down, propping up his elbows on the lip of the well. When backed into a corner all you want to do is run, to take quiet steps away from your problem, unnoticed. InuYasha couldn't help but feel this way.

 

`I can't run forever,' he realized, rising to his feet again. He drew in a deep breath and forced himself to pass through the boundaries of time. InuYasha brushed off his shoulders as his feet touched cool ground in Kagome's era. He leapt out, sliding open the well-house door. `What should I say to her?' He wanted more than anything to understand why Kagome wanted this baby so much, but he couldn't just come out and ask her.

 

InuYasha groaned slightly as he stepped inside Kagome's house, looking up to meet the eyes of her curious mother.

 

“Hello InuYasha!” she said cheerfully, tossing him a grin. “It's good to see you again.”

 

He glanced around the room, his hands tucked in his sleeves. “Is Kagome here? I need to talk to her about somethin'. It's kind of important.”

 

“Actually, she's not.” The woman gave him a stern, unwavering look. “I would like to discuss something with you, though.” She motioned for him to follow her.

 

InuYasha gulped, taking a fleeting look back at the door as he was led to the kitchen. `What could Kagome's mother have to say to me?' he thought, fearing the answer.

 

Mrs. Higurashi stared at him intensely as she sat with him at the table. “Kagome told me about your situation,” she said. “I want you to do something for me. Can you try and convince her that this is a bad idea?”

 

InuYasha was taken aback. He was not expecting this.

 

“I've already tried talking to her, but she seems to have her heart set on doing this. I think she's only reluctant because you are. She listens to you, so that's why I'm asking you to do this for me.” She paused, looking at him pleadingly.

 

“I…I…” InuYasha couldn't grasp the words. She was asking him to go against something he had already agreed to. He finally was able to strain a smile. “I'll try.” He stood to leave, but quickly turned back to Kagome's mother. “Do you know why she wants the baby so much?” he asked diffidently.

 

Mrs. Higurashi shook her head. “I'm sorry, but I have no idea.” She raised an eyebrow questioningly at him as he left the room.

 

(000000000000000)

 

Kagome stroked her stomach for the tenth time that day. `I'm not even pregnant yet and I already feel like I'm gaining weight,' she thought, moaning softly. She turned her attention back to her friends who chattering about something or other around her desk. `Wait! I can't go to school if I'm pregnant!” Kagome realized suddenly. `What will everyone think?'

 

“What's with you, Kagome?”

 

She glanced up at her friend Eri, who was giving her an intriguing look. She laughed nervously, her hand moving back to her stomach.

 

“Seriously, what's wrong? You've been doing that all day!” Eri pointed out.

 

Kagome quickly moved her hand away. “I'm fine, really. It's nothing.” Her gaze lowered.

 

Nothing

 

For the rest of the day, Kagome's mind was restless, plagued by anxiousness. She couldn't quite understand why she had to strain so much to concentrate on anything, or why she felt so uneasy. She walked indolently down the streets of the city as she made her way home, feeling slightly awkward. `I must be tired,' she decided as she climbed the steps leading to her shrine.

 

“Hey.”

 

Kagome let out a long, exaggerated sigh. “Hey, InuYasha.” She brushed right past him, continuing toward her house.

 

He growled. “Feh! Fine, ignore me! I was going to talk to you!”

 

“Ok,” she said, placing her stuff on the ground. “I'm listening.” She turned back to him, waiting for his response.

 

He crossed his arms, avoiding her eyes. “I don't want to do this.”

 

It took a moment for the words to sink in. He was taking it back? He said that he was willing, and he took it back. All Kagome could do was stare in utter disbelief. “What?” she finally managed to get out.

 

“I don't want this, Kagome! I never did…I…” His voice trailed off as he watched her expression grow hurt. What was he doing? This is not what he had intended to say to her, but it just came out. He couldn't stop it and it was tearing him apart.

 

Kagome backed away from him. “If you hated the idea so much, then…why—why did you agree?” She could feel herself choking on the words, but retained a hard stare in spite of it. She spoke again, barely above a whisper. “Why didn't you just save me from…this?”

 

“I don't know, damn it! I didn't want to agree! I hate this and I'm tired of feeling guilty about it!”

 

`He's unhappy,' she thought. `The one thing I wanted more than anything was for him to be happy and now I'm making him miserable.' She cut herself off, meeting his eyes. “I feel the same way, InuYasha. I-”

 

“Stop lying!” InuYasha caught her in a harsh glare; his anger was rising. “You don't hate this! You're the one who wants it so bad! I don't know what kind of fantasy you've got goin' on in your head, but this isn't a game, it's real life! I don't want to throw everything away for nothing!”

 

“It's not for nothing! What about Miroku? At least we would have him back!”

 

“It wouldn't be worth it.”

 

Kagome took a step back as reality hit her. `Our friend isn't worth it? Does he really find the idea of having a baby with me so appalling?' She tore her gaze from him. “Right,” she murmured. “I understand. So…our baby would mean nothing to you?”

 

He let the words escape his lips before he could even think about what he was saying. “I don't want that with you.”

 

In that instant, Kagome felt every insecurity—every self-conscious thought she had ever had, engulf her. `He doesn't want that with me? Does that mean he would rather…' A tear lightly caressed her cheek as she began to grasp the meaning of what he had said. `He would rather me be…someone else.'

 

InuYasha was bombarded by a wave of immediate penitence. He didn't even know why he'd said it. “Kagome,” he started. “I'm…I didn't…” He stopped himself, knowing that nothing he could say would mend this.

 

Kagome just wiped away her tears, shaking her head. “Don't apologize. It's not like this is some big surprise. I should've known.”

 

“I didn't mean anything by it,” InuYasha insisted weakly. “I just-”

 

“Now who's lying?” Kagome cried, her voice quivering. “I don't want to hear you make excuses anymore, InuYasha! I know what you meant, so just save it!” She grabbed her stuff, turning away from him.

 

“Hey!” InuYasha reached out, clasping a clawed hand onto her shoulder, forcing her to face him. “Don't assume you know me that well!”

 

Kagome tried to pull away from him. “InuYasha, let me go!”

 

His eyes flashed a dangerous glare, one that Kagome had never seen before. He jerked his hand away, storming back to the well house.

 

She watched him leave as she placed a hand on her aching shoulder. A harsh wind blew over, creating an almost dream-like atmosphere. Kagome collapsed onto her knees. Everything felt so out of place. How did it turn out this way?

 

Kagome gave in to tears. Everything she had had with InuYasha seemed to be deteriorating right in front of her eyes.

 

I don't want that with you.

 

“InuYasha,” she whispered.

 

(000000000000000000)

 

`I could've said anything…anything else!' InuYasha's mind screamed out as he climbed out of the well back into his own era. He couldn't get the painful look on her face out of his head; it was haunting him. However, it wasn't the look itself that disturbed him so, it was the fact that it felt like she had worn that expression before. `Am I really hurting her that much?'

 

InuYasha felt so helpless; he didn't even seem to be able to dictate his own life. He knew that this wasn't how it was supposed to be. He didn't want to fight with Kagome like this. `Damn it! There has to be some other way to move that rock! I can't go through this with Kagome right now! She's probably angry with me…'

 

He paused as he realized what he was doing. `I'm throwing everything away…for nothing.'

 

A/N: Finally! I swear I was all out of ideas for this chapter and BAM! I was finally able to write it. I hope you all enjoyed it, even though it was pretty short. Please review. Thank you.