InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Our Decision ❯ Losing yourself ( Chapter 5 )

A/N: Alright, here's chapter five! Finally! Thank you all so much for all your great comments! You have no idea how much I appreciate them. I want to especially thank you, Gnome InuYasha, for your wonderful comments. You're right, you know. I want to keep you all guessing at InuYasha's stand in the decision. I think that readers shouldn't figure things out until the characters do. At this point, InuYasha doesn't really know what to think, so that's probably why you're confused. It's supposed to be that way. Anyway, here's this chapter.

 

Disclaimer: I've only said this about a million times, but I don't own InuYasha.

 

How is it that we lose ourselves so easily? We just get caught in a moment and let our emotions have full dictation over our actions. As InuYasha stood there watching blood trickle down Kagome's cheek, he knew that this was true. Every amount of protection he had promised her seemed to vanish in the instant his hand struck her face—in the second his claws scraped across her flesh. He could still hear her astonished cry resounding inside of his head. For the first time, InuYasha really began to fear himself.

 

This utter trepidation had made itself evident the first time he transformed into his full-demon state. He had always been so afraid that he would hurt Kagome because of this. Ironically, the one time he let his control slip enough to make him cause her harm he was still himself. It was not his demon blood that had taken over, it was something else in its own entirety; an intense, emotional unbalance that caused him to snap.

 

InuYasha took two steps back and then three more. Knowing that he couldn't stay, he ran.

 

Kagome watched him go, feeling as though her body had been paralyzed. She couldn't even tell if she was still breathing. “I can't believe he…” She wasn't able to get the words out as she grazed her fingers across her cheek, gasping when she touched the blood. She hadn't realized it was that bad. Kagome slowly sauntered back toward the well, ensnared in a sense of pure perplexity. She should've felt betrayed or angry, but if this was the case then why was it that she felt like she deserved everything?

 

`I'm such a horrible person,' she admitted solemnly. `I shouldn't be doing this, forcing InuYasha…' She shook her head, unwilling to think about what she was doing to him. `It's wrong.' Kagome moved her hand to touch her cheek once more. It was still throbbing, but with each pain that passed she began to feel alleviated. It wasn't as if the pain was fading; the relief came from the very thought of InuYasha getting back at her. It felt like an immense amount of guilt had suddenly been lifted off her shoulders. She approached the well, propping one leg on the lip of it, preparing to jump in. Looking into its depths, she hesitated.

 

Something was prying in the back of her mind. She was aware that it was obvious that someone had hit her, and though she knew that she deserved it, she wasn't so sure her mother would be quite as understanding. There was always the slight chance that she would no longer be permitted to cross over to the feudal era. Kagome took her foot off the well, quickly glancing at her surroundings. She was abruptly encased with a strong feeling of entrapment. Where was she supposed to go?

 

She turned her head as something brushed against her leg. Sighing, Kagome knelt down, stroking the demon cat Kirara. `Sango must have sent her to wait for me,' she realized.

 

(00000000000000)

 

InuYasha stepped inside of the cave where Miroku lay captured. He was in a daze, unable to really concentrate on anything except for what he had done, wishing that it was just some kind of nightmarish reverie. He looked up to face the stone; everything was its fault. That's what he wanted to believe, anyway. `No, it's my fault,' he divulged sullenly. As much as he hated to admit it, he understood that he was entirely to blame.

 

“InuYasha?”

 

He took a glance behind, seeing Sango standing at the entrance of the cave. He tore his gaze from her, not wanting to face anyone right now. “Just lay off, ok?”

 

Sango simply nodded. She could tell something was wrong and had this horrible gut feeling about it. What was going on? `He probably had another fight with Kagome,' she decided, sighing softly. She turned, pivoting on her heel to walk out. `Kirara?' Sango narrowed her eyes slightly. `She's got Kagome with her.'

 

Time suddenly slowed down. When Kagome stepped inside the cave, holding a timorous expression, Sango was at a loss for words. The mark on her friends face was inconceivable. It was red, covered in dried-up blood, and, by the looks of it, there was already a bruise forming.

 

Kagome passed a fleeting look at InuYasha before turning her attention to Sango. “Hi,” she said casually, as if nothing was wrong.

 

“What happened?” Sango asked immediately. “Did someone hit you?”

 

Kagome held her breath, taking another glimpse at InuYasha. “It's nothing. I'm fine.” She attempted a smile, but winced as a sting spread throughout her cheek.

 

Sango just stared. Her gaze was now focused on InuYasha. Nothing. There was no reaction. `This is strange,' she thought. `Normally, InuYasha would be on his feet demanding who did this to Kagome, but…he's just sitting there. Why would he-” She stopped herself, eyes widening as she noticed the very vague claw marks on Kagome's face. `Was he the one that hit her?'

 

InuYasha stood up unexpectedly, saying nothing. He turned around, giving Kagome a lingering look before walking past her and out of the cave.

 

Kagome let out a sob. There was something in his eyes that told her that he was sorry for what he had done, that he felt remorseful. She didn't want him to feel guilty, though. `I want him to be ok with this,' she thought. `I want him to be able to put this behind him, so we can finally get back to the way things were before.'

 

“Kagome?” As much as Sango hated this, she had to ask. “That mark…did InuYasha…” She tried to make her words as gentle as possible, knowing that that was what Kagome probably needed at this point. “Did he do this to you?”

 

Kagome looked away. “We just got into another fight.”

 

“That's no excuse for him to hit you, Kagome! You can't possibly think he had a real reason!”

 

“He did,” she said softly. “I was forcing him…I…” Her quiet tone grew quickly. “I was using our situation to make him choose me over Kikyo!” Hearing these words finally leave her own mouth, Kagome was abruptly overcome by the reality of them.

 

“What?” Sango was completely baffled. Kagome was the least selfish person she knew and yet, somehow, she had heard the most selfish words come from her friend. `Why would Kagome do that?' she wondered. `It just doesn't make any sense.' She glanced up as Kagome's feeble voice reached her ears.

 

“I never thought things would get this bad. I know InuYasha and I fought all the time before, but…it's just different now. Ever since Miroku was captured, everything has gotten so much worse. I don't even know if I should be around InuYasha anymore.”

 

`No,' Sango inwardly cried. `I can't let this happen. Those two are my only hope for getting Miroku back. If this goes on much longer, then there will be no chance for him, for us.' She couldn't take this. “Kagome,” she began.

 

Kagome wiped her teary eyes before locking them with Sango's.

 

“Why…why are you doing this? Why did you have to be so selfish?” Sango's voice harsh and almost demanding as she spoke. “You should've just let it be!”

 

Kagome stared fearfully. She had not expected Sango to be angry, though she hadn't expected sympathy either. “I don't know,” she answered finally. “I guess something must be wrong with me.” Kagome turned, running out of the cave. She needed more than anything to get away. She watched the forest wash by her as she ran. For some reason, though, she felt like there was nothing there, like she was completely alone.

 

She gasped as her foot caught on a stray root, sending her forward. `I don't care,' she thought. `I don't care if I fall.' She waited for her face to come in contact with the ground, but it never did. Kagome felt herself being pulled to her feet.

 

“You should be more careful.”

 

“InuYasha,” she whispered, pulling her body away from his arms. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.” She continued to say it over and over again, feeling like she couldn't say it enough.

 

“What are you apologizing for?” he asked. “Kagome, I'm the one who hit you! I should-”

 

“No!” Kagome was shaking her head, trying not to listen to him. “I don't want you to be sorry! I…I know I deserved it. I want you to understand that and accept it. Please?”

 

InuYasha was speechless. Did she really think that? He stared at her through his golden irises, trying to convey a sense of security for her, a burning compassion that would make her feel safe. “You didn't deserve it,” he said. “I was out of line.” He moved slightly closer to her.

 

“Don't tell me that,” Kagome cried. “What I'm doing, it's not fair to you.”

 

“And you think it's fair that I hit you?” InuYasha's voice quivered as he glanced at Kagome's swollen cheek.

 

She nodded weakly.

 

He sighed, approaching her slowly, murmuring her name. His two strong arms found their way around her slender waist, and he pulled her into his warm embrace. He said nothing, but simply held her close, silently praying that he could show her what she really deserved. He bent his head down, so his forehead touched hers as he watched her eyelids flutter shut.

 

Kagome felt as if she had finally found her oasis. For once, she was the one firmly wrapped in the arms of InuYasha, the one with his hot breath lightly brushing against her face.

 

“I just don't know anymore,” he said, pulling back slightly.

 

Kagome's eyes flew open. “What?”

 

“I hurt you, Kagome. That's one thing I promised myself I would never do. If you were to stay here, I might do it again.” He couldn't stand that thought. Sighing, he reluctantly looked at her expression.

 

“You want me to go then?” Kagome tried her best to subdue her oncoming tears. `I don't blame him, but…' She stopped her thoughts for just a moment. `I still want to stay with him.' She pushed herself closer to him, holding on tightly, afraid to let go. Running her hands down his back, her lips curled into a small smile as she inhaled his sweet scent. `I might as well savor this moment,' she decided. `It may be the last one I have with him.'

 

`Does she still want to be with me, even after what I did?' InuYasha wondered, surprised. “Stupid,” he muttered.

 

Kagome's heart soared. That sounded like the InuYasha she knew. And, though “stupid” wasn't exactly a complement, she felt that there was nothing sweeter that he could've said. “Would it be ok if I stayed?” she asked quietly, despite the fact that her mind was screaming for him to say yes.

 

InuYasha didn't reply, but he gave her a reassuring squeeze. Finally, things were getting back to normal.

 

(00000000000000000000)

 

“Do you really think that will work, InuYasha?” Sango asked, looking quite dubious. She passed a quick glance at Kagome before turning back to him.

 

“No, I'm not sure, but it's worth a shot!” InuYasha was holding up Tetsusaiga, it's blade giving off a red glow. “Maybe this will break the barrier around the stone that's keeping Miroku inside.” He raised the sword over his shoulder, leaping toward the rock, casting the blade forward.

 

Nothing.

 

“Damn it!” InuYasha repeated the attack.

 

Still nothing.

 

“There's not even a barrier on this thing!” InuYasha hissed through gritted teeth. “What the hell is keeping him inside?”

 

“It might be that there was a spell put on the stone and not a barrier,” Sango suggested. “In that case, there must be only one way to get Miroku out.” She looked up at InuYasha. After all, he was the one that had said that if they weren't able to find another way to move the stone, then he was willing to fulfill the prophecy.

 

InuYasha avoided her eyes. `I shouldn't have made that promise,' he told himself. `I don't want…' His gaze moved to Kagome, who was watching him silently from a corner of the cave. She had been so distant ever since they had come to terms again. `You'd think she'd be happier.' He didn't understand it. It was her choice to stay with him and she had. So, why was it that she was so withdrawn?

 

`There's no other way,' Kagome thought. `We've tried everything. We even had Kaede use ancient scrolls to try and destroy whatever is keeping Miroku inside. I guess it really is up to InuYasha and me.' She heaved a long, exaggerated sigh. `If I try and convince InuYasha again, though, I'll feel guilty. I don't want to push this on him.' She attempted to sneak a look at him, but turned her head, noticing that he was trying to do the same to her.

 

As he stared at her, an inward battle was raging inside of him. `What am I supposed to do? I already know what Kagome wants, so it's just up to me.” No matter what, he kept hearing “I don't want this” over and over again. But, that was quickly followed by “Miroku is your friend”. He was literally stuck. `Ok, rock, hard place, and me.' He continued to watch Kagome out of the corner of his eye. Were they ready? Could they really handle this right now? It could've been hours that he sat there, but he was finally able to clear his mind. He knew what he was going to do.

 

A/N: Ok, that's it for now! I wonder what InuYasha has decided. Who knows? Well…I do. Ok, I'm done rambling. Anyway, please review.