InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Our Decision ❯ When he says goodbye ( Chapter 9 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

A/N: Hey everyone! Now, I'm going to give you fair warning that there are a lot of scene changes in this chapter. I think every scene is important, but I couldn't just drag them on forever. Anyway, enjoy the chapter.

Disclaimer: -huggles plushie- This is the closest I can ever get to owning InuYasha.

Chapter 9: When he says goodbye

Nothing. After two weeks there was still nothing. Kagome glanced down at her stomach curiously, tilting her head. Even after testing positive, she still had yet to have any symptoms. That knowledge sent fear coursing through her spine. What if the test was wrong? What if she really wasn't pregnant? She frowned at the words. The never ceasing question of “what if” seemed to be a constant in all of life's aspects, drowning out hope. Perhaps it was this doubt and questioning that had kept her from telling Sango about the pregnancy.

`I don't want to give her false hope,' Kagome thought sullenly. `That wouldn't be fair.' Her attention turned to her stomach again. There had to be something wrong. She sighed softly. This continuing clenching feeling in her heart was almost to the point of throbbing. She needed to talk to someone, to relieve the stress that prodded at her very soul. Still, the one person she needed the most wouldn't even look at her anymore.

“InuYasha,” she said breathlessly, taking in her surroundings. The sunlight of the feudal era was draped along her body as she sat in a small clearing lined with trees. Even with that scenery, she couldn't help but feel as if she were trapped in a dark room with every shadow looming over her, how she always felt without… She shook her head. InuYasha seemed to be ignoring her a lot lately. In fact, he had started this habit the first day they had learned of the prophecy. Ever since then it was an on and off sort of thing. He was certainly a mystery. But it wasn't his continuing evasion that bothered her, though; it was his reasoning behind it. Was it something she did? Was he feeling regret?

Though he claimed to be satisfied with his decision, she'd always had this strange feeling that he was lying to her. In the rare moments that they exchanged glances, his eyes seemed to be infused with a certain reluctance. She had tried to understand it, but InuYasha was so unreachable now. Kagome knew that he might just be afraid, not knowing what would happen to them now that she was pregnant. Maybe because he was so uncertain, he ignored her to avoid that very fact, to keep from facing his own confusion. She shook the thought away, stretching her arms out to the side, relieving the tension that had built up during her thought process.

`I'll go back now,' she decided, tossing her hair as she took a lingering glance in the direction of the cave that had changed her life.

(0000000000000000000000)

Kagome sat in the waiting room at the doctor's office, anxiety swarming over her. She had been there for almost an hour, silently waiting for her name to be called. After coming back to her time a few days ago, she had made a secret call to the gynecologist, still fearing what her mother's reaction would be. She twiddled her thumbs nervously, watching them as they moved in circles around each other. Never before had she felt so uneasy, even with all of the events that had been going on in the last few months.

`I have to know for sure, though,' her mind insisted. `I can't just keep myself in the dark about it.' She took a quick glimpse at the registration desk, watching the woman inside fumble with some papers. She was rather stout and wore a white medical uniform, her black hair pulled back in a loose bun. Kagome envied her slightly, wishing that someone else besides herself could deal with the amount of stress that she was enduring.

“Kagome Higurashi.”

Her stomach churned at the sound of her name. If possible, her heart began to pound even faster than it already was. She could feel it beating quickly against her chest, causing her fear to rise. Standing up, she swallowed the increasing amount of air that had built up in her throat. She followed the nurse, who was standing at the entrance to a long hallway with patient's rooms on both sides of it, down the carpeted floor, her heart now beating in perfect sync with her fast moving feet. Kagome began counting each door she passed, as if to preoccupy herself, to wash away her spinning thoughts. `…Seven, eight, nine, ten…' She stopped abruptly as the nurse led her into a room on the left.

“You just relax here, Kagome,” the nurse said, smiling as she motioned at a reclined chair in the middle of the room. “The doctor will be with you in just a moment.” The nurse handed her a lightweight, almost paper-like gown. “This is for you to change into.”

Kagome nodded, taking the gown.

(0000000000000000000000)

InuYasha twitched slightly as he passed a longing gaze at the depths of the well that had brought Kagome to this world. He sighed softly. Guilt; it was a maddening emotion, one that latched itself onto you with its grimy hands, refusing to let go until you made amends with your problem. Yes, he felt bad about what he was doing to Kagome; but that wasn't enough to keep him from doing it. It wasn't as if he wanted to stay away from her. In all honesty, he himself didn't understand what his drive was. He couldn't even get a grasp on what was happening. Kagome was pregnant with his child. He was going to be a father.

Interesting

He often found himself wondering how different things would really be. With that thought, he didn't know whether he should be angry or glad. `I don't know what to do with myself anymore,' he thought gravely. `Now that we've stopped our search for the jewel shards, it seems like there's nothing left for me to do.' He shook his head. `No, I've still got to defeat Naraku, but…' He paused for a moment. Was that even an option anymore? Would he ever get the chance to accomplish his revenge? It didn't seem like it at the time. If he and Kagome were having this baby, then where would there be time?

`Damn it, I don't want that!' InuYasha cried in his mind. He turned his body, leaning further over the well. It didn't matter anymore, what he wanted. He couldn't change the past, no matter how much he wished he could.

(000000000000000000000)

“So I am pregnant, then?” Kagome asked, staring at the doctor as she grinned, unable to hide her happiness. The woman in front of her was tall with dark hair cut above her shoulders, and had an appropriate motherly appearance.

“That's right.” The doctor gave her a gentle smile, looking towards the screen of the ultrasound. “Make sure you schedule another appointment,” she said, her tone almost dark as she spoke.

Kagome looked at her curiously. “Is there something wrong?”

The woman said nothing at first, as if contemplating an appropriate answer. “You have nothing to worry about,” she told her finally, picking up her clipboard, and walking out of the room.

Kagome nodded, still feeling nervous about the way the doctor had spoken. She felt like there was something she should know, something about her baby. “InuYasha, I wish you were here with me,” she whispered softly.

“Kagome.”

She jerked her head up, looking at the entrance to the room in shock. “Mom, what are you doing here?” she questioned, moving to get out of the chair.

“I could ask you the same thing,” her mother said sternly. Her expression softened. “I heard you when you made the appointment a few days ago. I wanted to know what it was about. Kagome, why didn't you just ask me to make the appointment for you? You know I would've helped you. You shouldn't have to face this disease by yourself.”

“It's not about that!” Kagome cried out suddenly, her eyes averting to the tiled floor. “It's just that I'm…” How could she tell her? She and her mother had discussed and decided that because of the Endometriosis, she and InuYasha had no reason to attempt to conceive. If Kagome told her mother about the pregnancy, she would surely be disappointed. She took a deep breath. “I'm…I'm…”

Mrs. Higurashi narrowed her eyes curiously. “You're what?”

“I'm pregnant.”

Her mother said nothing; not then, and not again.

(00000000000000000000000)

“You are? Really?” Sango was staring wide-eyed at Kagome, her hands covering her mouth, and tears brimming her eyes. “This is so great!” She threw her arms around her friend, choking out a few sobs. `Miroku,' she thought. `You'll be all right now. I'll get to see you again.'

Kagome let out a feeble laugh as Sango continued her rants of excitement. As she sat in the cave, her gaze wavered toward the stone and then InuYasha. He was sitting next to it, an unreadable expression on his face, as usual. She pulled away from Sango, who simply sat there smiling, and moved over to his side. “Hey,” she said, sitting next to him on his left.

InuYasha remained silent, turning his face away from her.

“Honestly, what did I do to you to make you ignore me?” she asked, letting out a groan of aggravation. “What ever it is, I'm sorry for it.” She leaned forward, trying to get a better look at his face. “If we're going to do this, you can't just avoid me forever.”

His eyes met hers. “I know.”

There was something in his voice that made Kagome shudder. It almost sounded like he was angry that he couldn't evade her. Was that all she was now, just some pesky little fly that was constantly buzzing around him? That was a question she didn't want to know the answer to.

(000000000000000000000000)

InuYasha leaned against the trunk of a tree as he sat on its branch, letting his body bathe in the shade that it offered. His lips curled into a frown. He had to come all the way out here just to get one minute of peace. For the past few weeks, Kagome had been “baby crazy”, as Sango put it. He shook his head. `More like obsessive,' he thought brazenly. She was barely pregnant and already it was InuYasha, we have to get ready for the baby, or InuYasha, think about the baby. What ever happened to InuYasha, I'll leave you alone now?

She refused to look for jewel shards and wouldn't let him have a moment without her all because of that baby. And she had to nerve to get mad when he ran off. He suddenly had a strong yearning to change his decision, to go back in time and fix everything. Yes, it was selfish, but at this point that was the least of his worries. He just wanted to rid himself of the restlessness that had been settling itself throughout his entire body ever since Miroku had been captured. This never ceasing lull in their journey was agonizing, and causing his patience to quickly slip from his grasp.

“InuYasha!”

He grimaced at the sound of his name, sighing heavily. It was hopeless; he was never going to have time to himself. “What, Kagome?” he asked halfheartedly, leaping down from the tree.

She smiled brightly at him and grabbed his hand. “Come on. It's time to go.”

“Go where?”

“We're going back to my time,” she said, tugging him forward slightly. “We have to get some things for the baby.”

There it was again, that word. InuYasha was sure he couldn't even count how many times he'd heard it. The baby, everything was always about the baby. He shook the thought away, turning his eyes toward Kagome. “I thought we already did that this week.”

She continued her steps forward, pulling him with her. “I know that,” she pressed. “But there are still things left to get.” She glanced back at him, feeling his resistance to her movements. “What's wrong?”

“Why don't you just go by yourself?” he suggested, his tone almost hypnotic. He let air filter through his half open lips as his eyes averted to the ground.

“It's your baby, too. I want you to get to be there for everything.” Kagome released her grip on his hand and turned her body toward him.

InuYasha fought to maintain his composure, speaking softly. “I don't want to, Kagome.” His voice quivered as the words left his mouth.

“What are you talking about?”

“I mean that I don't want to be there for every little thing!” he snapped in frustration, taking a few steps back. “All I ever hear about is the baby, and I only get to do things that have to do with the baby! Did you ever consider that maybe I don't want to spend all my time gettin' ready for this?” He inhaled deeply, his fists clenched at his sides, and his glare focused on the girl in front of him. “Damn it, Kagome, you're smothering me! I'm tired of it! I want everything to be normal again, but it never will be because of that damn baby!”

Kagome stared at him, shaking her head in disbelief. She didn't speak for a long time, as if at a loss for words. “InuYasha,” she said finally. “Listen to me. I know that I can't change your feelings about our situation.” She took a brief pause before continuing. “Look, you can be mad it you want to. You can blame yourself, or you can blame me; but I am not going to let you blame this baby! That's not fair, InuYasha! This is something you and I decided to do! It has nothing to do with our baby! Now you can accept that, or you can leave! What do you want to do?”

He caught her in one of the most serious gazes she had ever seen. “I want out.”

A/N: There! I finally got it done! Once again, I apologize for taking so long! Well, I'm going to China for twelve days tomorrow, so I won't be able to access a computer. However, I am taking paper and a pen with me, so I can still write. It's a twenty-hour flight. I'll have plenty of time. Please review. Thanks.