InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Our Decision ❯ Guilt ( Chapter 10 )

A/N: Hey everyone! Well, I wrote most of this chapter on a bus, a plane, and in an airport. I meant to write the next chapter for my other story, but I was inspired to write this one. Oh well. This one's more popular. Anyway, I got back yesterday after traveling for about twenty-six hours. We did get to stop in Tokyo, though. I was so sad! It was that very day that the chapter 459 of InuYasha came out in Japan, and my mom wouldn't let me get a copy of it. Ahem. Yeah, I'll let you get on with the story.

 

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha. -cackles evilly- But I will! You wait and see! -sighs- Oh, forget it!

 

Chapter 10: Guilt

 

Kagome's mind seemed to be in an endless scramble. Out? He wanted out? No, that couldn't be right. Though he had a number of bad qualities, InuYasha was still a good person, one who generally owned up to his own actions. Surely he would never dismiss a huge responsibility because of something so minor. Or was it minor? As she thought about it, Kagome realized that InuYasha was definitely not the type who wanted so much attention, or who liked to fuss over something he didn't want.

 

`Of course,' she thought. `He doesn't want this. He doesn't want obligation or commitment. But…if he wasn't looking for that, then why did he agree in the first place? He could have just as easily said no.' She turned to meet his gaze, her brows furrowed, accenting her sullen expression as she fought to keep tears from falling.

 

“So…you're saying you want to leave?” she asked softly, still keeping her eyes on his face.

 

InuYasha said nothing at first, as if searching for the right words. He observed her carefully before finally answering. “Yes.”

 

Kagome shook her head in disbelief, her body slightly trembling. “Even after you agreed to do this? Even though you were the one who said that we-”

 

“Damn it, Kagome, shut-up! I didn't know what I was really agreeing to! I didn't know that you would be so damn hard to deal with!” He took a deep breath, his glower intensifying as he began to step away from her.

 

“So, it's not that you don't want this baby…”

 

“Stop saying that word,” he hissed sharply, his voice so soft that she suspected he hadn't meant to be heard. Still, every syllable he uttered seemed to pierce through her like some jagged dagger.

 

Kagome crouched down onto the ground, finally giving in to tears as her fingers began grinding across the grass. “I'm the problem, then?” she cried. “You're just sick of me?”

 

InuYasha averted his eyes away from her.

 

She nodded, knowing that action all too well. Each time he did it, it was always because he didn't want her to know something. Whether it was about Kikyo or his answer to a question, it was always the same. She let a strained breath slowly leave her lips. “I guess…our baby doesn't mean enough for you to stay?”

 

There was no answer. He just left.

 

(00000000000000000)

 

Why did everything seem so dark? Though it wasn't physically, in Kagome's mind the word had gone black. As she took languid steps forward, she couldn't help but feel as if she wasn't moving anywhere. Inuyasha was gone. That was the only thought running through her mind. He wasn't coming back—she would never see him again.

 

`Alone,' she thought with a feeble laugh, trying miserably to hide her fear. `I'm alone now.' She took a quick glance down at her stomach. `No, we're alone.' That's when it hit her. Her child would have no father figure to look up to, not without InuYasha. That wasn't right—it wasn't fair. Not only had she lost someone, but her child had lost someone as well.

 

“I can't do this,” she whispered to herself as the heat of tears began to swallow her enflamed face. Still, she didn't care. She wanted to cry—to scream. She just needed to let everything go. “InuYasha, you jerk, I cant do this by myself! I can't… I need you here! I'm sorry, all right? Whatever I did to you, I'm sorry for it! I just…” She choked on her words as her voice grew quieter. “Please come back…I need you.” Kagome sank onto her knees, covering her face with her hands, her cries almost silent.

 

“Kagome, what's wrong?”

 

She let her hands fall to the ground as her eyes met Shippo's. “I'm fine,” she said hoarsely, hopelessly trying to stop her cascading tears. “You don't have to worry.”

 

The kitsune tilted his head curiously. “But-”

 

“Shippo, go back to the cave with Kirara.”

 

He looked toward Sango as she brushed past the forest trees, the demon cat following closely behind her. She stood there, her face turning concerned as she glanced at Kagome; her eyes were infused with sorrowful sympathy.

 

“Kagome's sad!” Shippo complained, his tone emitting its usual whine. “I want to stay here with her.”

 

Sango knelt down next to him, nodding understandingly. “I know,” she said. “But I think it's best that I talk to her, okay? Go on with Kirara. We'll meet up with you later.”

 

He pouted for a moment, but gave in to Sango's stern expression and turned to follow Kirara.

 

Sango watched as Kirara flew off with Shippo perched on her back. She turned her attention back to her sobbing friend. “Kagome, what did he say to you?” she asked, disquiet seeping from her every word.

 

Kagome shook her head, her breathing becoming harsh and labored as she continued crying.

 

“I know he must have said something stupid, especially with the way he's been acting around you recently.” Sango lowered her gaze. “I figured you two would have a big fight soon, I mean…” She quirked an eyebrow. “What is it?”

 

“It wasn't something he said,” Kagome told her, reaching up to tuck a raven lock behind her ear. She clenched her eyes shut, continuing to shake her head, not wanting to believe what she was about to say. “He left. He just didn't want to stay anymore,” she rushed out. “He doesn't want me…he doesn't want this. And now my baby's not going to have a father, and I don't know what to do!”

 

Sango stood there, unsure of what to say. She couldn't even believe what she was hearing. She knew InuYasha was having problems with the situation, but she would have never thought that he would actually leave. “Kagome,” she began, placing a comforting arm around her shoulder. “You don't have to worry. I'll be here for you—you know that. And I'm sure that when Miroku is freed, he'll be happy to help, too.” She pulled Kagome gently towards her. “Just know that you're not alone in this.”

 

Kagome nodded weakly, brushing away a stray tear. “I do. It's just…” Her gaze wandered to a blade of grass, watching it dance with the wind, so carefree. If only life could be like that, a steady two-step in the soft breeze. She pushed the thought away, glancing back at Sango. “I feel so lost,” she admitted. “I just thought that once I was pregnant, all of the problems InuYasha and I were having would work themselves out. I didn't think that it would cause more problems.” She hesitated for a moment before speaking again. “It's not like he was having `prefatherhood' trouble, either. He just… It was me that he didn't want to stick around for.”

 

Sango bit her lip. `That's right,' she thought. `It was exactly three days ago that he said…' Though she didn't want to think about it, it was becoming entirely obvious that InuYasha had been planning to leave Kagome all along.

 

Flashback

 

Sango wiped away the beads of sweat that were running like waterfalls down her face. For nearly five hours, she had been training with her Hiraikotsu, tossing it, twirling it, and watching as it sawed through trees and returned safely into her hands. There weren't many demons to practice on around there, though she found that rather peculiar. After all, it was a demon that had brought Miroku into darkness. But that was the only demon she had ever seen, or sensed for that matter. With this knowledge, she was sure that she and Miroku had been caught in some vile conspiracy.

 

“I'd better get back,” she said to herself, lifting the boomerang over her shoulder. The sweet aroma of the afternoon engulfed her as she sauntered toward the cave. It was a blissful day, really, with the sun peering over the fluffy clouds, the trees rustling in the breeze, and the birds chirping overhead. “Miroku, only eight more months,” she whispered into the day's abyss. Even though Kagome was only a month along, Sango still found herself counting down until the day when Miroku would finally be set free.

 

She pushed past a tree branch, its bark rough against her skin, landing her in the clearing that surrounded the cave. Looking at it, it was almost impossible to believe that something so devastating could've taken place there. The grass was a bright emerald green, and there was an array of flowers dispersed around the meadow. The place in its entirety radiated a peaceful sense. She continued to walk, taking in her surroundings with a blissful sigh. For once, she was nearly content with her life. The only thing missing was…Miroku.

 

“InuYasha, is there something wrong?” Sango asked as she stepped into the cave, not failing to notice the fuming hanyou, who was stepping aimlessly around the stone ground, muttering something to himself.

 

“Feh! No!” he said disdainfully, his glare cutting through the air.

 

Sango narrowed her eyes suspiciously, and then shook her head. “All right, if you're sure.” She turned away from him, placing her Hiraikotsu against the cave wall.

 

“So it's normal for a woman to be completely and utterly obsessive about her child when she's pregnant?” InuYasha asked suddenly, folding his arms. “Because I'm tired of-”

 

“We already went through this, InuYasha,” Sango told him firmly as she brushed off her shoulders. “It's just a phase, and it'll pass. You're just going to have to stick it out for a while.”

 

Though they were soft, his next words struck her ear quickly and harshly. “Well, at least I only have to deal with it for three more days.”

 

End flashback

 

`I just assumed that he meant Kagome was going home for a little while,' Sango thought. `I didn't know he would actually leave her.' She glanced Kagome. In order to save her friend's already torn heart, Sango didn't say a word. She just pulled her closer.

 

(00000000000000000)

 

InuYasha shifted uncomfortably in the sunlight that filtered through the forest as he sat, leaning against a tree trunk. Who knew freedom could feel so empty? He sighed heavily. No, he wasn't unhappy with his decision, but there was still something tugging at his heartstrings. Just the thought of Kagome alone… He stopped himself, not wanting to think about her. Instead, he tried to remember the hell she had made his life. It didn't work.

 

“Damn it,” he mumbled in annoyance. This whole thing was making his stomach churn. Guilt—of course. That was an emotion that had never ceased to be present ever since Miroku's capture, and was now at its peak. “But I can't go back now,” he told himself. “And I don't want to…I…” He groaned. No matter how much he tried to deny it, the fact was that he still ached for Kagome.

 

“InuYasha…”

 

He looked up in astonishment, his infuriation abruptly uplifting. “Kikyo…you're here…” He stared at her; she was beautiful, with her pale skin glowing softly in dim light. Just seeing her almost made him forget everything.

 

“Your eyes seem wearier than before,” she said, her words gliding lusciously off her lips as she approached him. “Tell me, is it because of Naraku?”

 

InuYasha felt his heart lurch. “What about Naraku?” he demanded.

 

“I came across him recently—his demonic aura has increased dramatically. He told me that he had you and Kagome ensnared in some plot of his. He said that it would cause him to continue to grow stronger, while you focused your attention elsewhere.” Her eyes met his. “I'm glad to see that you're all right.”

 

He nodded, watching her meander past him, with her soul stealers following closely behind. He wanted to call out to her, to run after her, but one thing kept him from doing so. “Guilt,” he muttered.

 

(000000000000000000)

 

InuYasha watched the clouds as they drifted across the morning sky. For two months he had been searching for Naraku, wanting nothing more than to make him pay for everything he had caused. He was the one who had sent that demon after Miroku, the one who cast the spell on the stone. He deserved nothing but Hell. Still, InuYasha had been unable to find him or sense him.

 

“Kagome,” he whispered breathlessly. With no luck in his search, she was all he had to think about. Was she safe? Did she hate him? And even though he still felt slightly bitter towards her, he found himself yearning to see her, or to at least be near her. `Maybe if I just passed by the cave…' his mind suggested as it had many times before. But now that he thought about it, he wasn't that far from that area. Just a look wouldn't hurt, would it? Satisfied with himself, he stood up, heading toward the cave.

 

(000000000000000000)

 

He was close—she just knew it. Kagome pressed her hand to her heart, feeling it pound hard against her chest. This happened each time she began severely missing InuYasha, causing herself to create an illusion of his presence. But he was never there. `The feeling seems so much stronger this time, though,' she thought insistently. She pushed the idea away. Even if he was here, she couldn't bring herself to completely forgive him. `I can't…unless…he's here because he wants to be here for this baby.'

 

She paused for a moment, glancing at the stone, sighing. Things should have been simpler. If the prophecy had been different, or if there hadn't even been a prophecy, then perhaps InuYasha would still be there with her. She let his name slip. “InuYasha…”

 

And there it was, a faint whisper, holding so much passion for such a small word. “Yeah…”

 

Kagome gazed at the cave's entrance, feeling her eyes go wide as they landed on InuYasha. He was just standing there, his form contrasting with the light outside and the darkness in the cave. Still, she could see his face clearly. It was as smooth as it had always been, but it seemed worn out, as if he had been fighting some internal battle for an eternity. His eyes were the same pools of gold, emanating his emotions as they always did. She bit back an incredulous cry as he moved toward her.

 

“I had to see you,” he admitted quietly, seeing her questioning look. He couldn't take his eyes off her. She was exactly the same, unchanged. She didn't even really look pregnant yet.

 

“I thought you were tired of me,” Kagome said, trying her best not to be lured in by his beguiling features. “You said that you didn't…”

 

“I know I did. I just…I couldn't stand it anymore, Kagome! I didn't want to feel so-”

 

“Guilty?” Kagome was glaring at him now, her anger suddenly rising. “You want to come back now because you're guilty?”

 

“I never said anything about staying,” he corrected. “I just wanted to make sure that you were still…all right.”

 

“So now that you know I am, are you going to leave again?” She caught him in an intense stare, her eyes pouring into his.

 

“I don't know.”

 

“Well, if you only want to stay because you're guilty…” She paused for a moment, “…then I can't let you. The last time you made a decision out of guilt, it didn't work out. I can't let you do that again, InuYasha. It's not fair.”

 

He growled in frustration. “Then I don't know what you want me to do! What—staying isn't enough for you?”

 

“No, it's not!” She inhaled deeply, looking away from him, her voice softening. “Look, this isn't about you wanting to be with me, or us being together again. It's just… I want you to want this baby. You should feel responsible for your child, and that should be your reason for staying. It shouldn't be about feeling guilty because you left me. I want you to be here for this baby… But if you don't want that too, then I can't let you stay with me.”

 

He stood there for a moment, watching her shakily. “I don't know what to tell you,” he said.

 

Kagome nodded. “I understand.” Holding back her tears, she let out a stifled sob. “I can't promise that our baby will live anyway,” she gasped out quickly. “I went back to the doctor, and…”

 

He shook his head in confusion. Why was she telling him this all of a sudden? “Kagome, wha-”

 

“InuYasha, there's something wrong…”

 

A/N: Ha! And I will stop it there! I am very proud of this chapter. It's mainly because it's my longest one so far. However, I also like what's going on between InuYasha and Kagome. It's strange, isn't it? They're my two favorite characters in the series, not to mention my favorite couple, and I love messing up their relationship. Hehe. It's not like I'm not going to fix it, but still… Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I know I enjoyed writing it. Please review. Thanks.