InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Our Decision ❯ Mentioning "I do" ( Chapter 11 )

A/N: Hey, I'm sorry this took so long. I was having some intense file problems in my computer. Anyway, I'm glad you all liked the last chapter. I liked it, too. Hopefully, you all will find this one just as enjoyable. So let's get on with this chapter! -puts on mood music (The “Kagome to InuYasha” theme)-

 

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha. I never will—not now, and not ever.

 

Chapter 11: Mentioning “I do”

 

InuYasha stared at Kagome, his eyes shrouded with immense perplexity as he watched her gaze lower. “Kagome, what are you talking about?” he asked, taking a step closer to her, immediately feeling the chilling radiation that the cave emanated, and its cold floor pressing hard against his feet. His face was covered with utter shock and concern as he waited impatiently for Kagome's response. Still, no matter how anxious his exterior appeared, he couldn't help but feel a sense of inner relief of her reluctance. Part of him didn't want to know what was going on—he wanted to somehow keep their situation from becoming even more complicated. His eyes narrowed as he noticed a glare crossing Kagome's features.

 

“It doesn't matter,” she choked out, her voice conspicuously strained from her harsh sobs and small cries. She moved her hands to her sides, balling them into fists as she craned her neck to fix her eyes on the stone ground.

 

InuYasha glowered at her hard expression. “It does!” He made a quick gesture at her stomach. “If there's something wrong, then-”

 

Kagome's icy gaze struck him with an intense ferocity; it sliced through the tension that had settled itself between them. “You don't care,” she said, her words deathly quiet. She shook her head, as if trying to toss away her own relentless sadness. Her face softened as she looked up, her eyes searching his. “We might lose the baby, InuYasha…”

 

He glided closer to her, running his fingers softly along the dark cave wall. His face looked frozen, his amber orbs lacking depth, and his lips impossibly straight. “And you're telling me I don't care?” he asked in disbelief, now only inches away from her.

 

“You don't!” she insisted, crossing her arms over her chest, turning her head to evade his penetrating stare before glancing back at him. “I'm not blind, InuYasha! You don't want this baby! When you told me you were leaving, I asked you if our baby meant enough for you to stay—you left!”

 

“That doesn't mean-”

 

“Then what does it mean?” Kagome let out a deep sigh, unfolding her arms as she turned her body toward him. “Look, you may be hard to figure out sometimes, but it's obvious to me that you're not interested in having this baby. You can deny it all you want, but that won't change what you really feel, InuYasha.” Her eyes seemed to shake as tears began to border the corners of them. “And if you don't care, then why should I force myself to relive this nightmare? I'm sorry… I just don't think I can tell you.” She let her voice fade slowly as she spoke to him, knowing that finally letting the problem leave her lips would only make it more real.

 

He watched her for a moment at a loss for words. He wanted to say that he did care—that she could tell him what the problem was, but he somehow found himself unable. He knew he would feel like he was lying to her, but that was just it—was he lying? At this point, he didn't want to know the answer. He pushed the pressing thought aside, meeting Kagome's gaze, his expression as soft as newly woven silk. “I need to know, Kagome,” he said finally, his brows furrowing. “Whether you like it or not, I have that right. It's my child, too.”

 

“Yeah, the child that you don't care about!”

 

“Damn it, Kagome, stop putting words in my mouth!” He let out a trembling breath, becoming increasingly aware of his heart beating against his chest. Approaching her slowly, he placed his hands on her shoulders, pulling her into the warmth that his body offered. He let his forehead rest against hers for only a fleeting moment before moving it away. “Tell me,” he murmured.

 

She sat there, awestruck by his sudden display of affection. Her mind was whirling around in confusion. If he was so tired of her—so eager to get away from her—then why was he trying to bring her closer? Despite her protesting thoughts, Kagome found her arms creeping their way around his torso, and resting gently on his shoulder blades. She buried her head into his haori, relishing in his comforting touch. She now realized how much she'd missed him during the past two months. The way she held him now—as if she would never let go—was proof of that.

 

“Kagome,” he began as he combed his fingers through her raven locks, softly massaging her scalp as he did.

 

She nodded, shivering slightly at his alluring touch. “Remember how I told you I had Endometriosis?” she asked, now letting her head lean against his chest. Receiving the affirmative, she took a deep breath, coaxing herself to continue. “Well, it caused something to happen. My uterus—what carries the baby—isn't in the right position anymore.” Kagome let a stifled cry escape her as she pressed her head harder against him, determined that it would somehow bring him even closer now that she needed him. “They said that the pregnancy should have caused it to move back by now,” she continued, shaking her head, “but it hasn't.” Her tear-filled eyes met his as she began to move away from him. “And if it doesn't…then we could lose the baby.”

 

InuYasha said nothing, but gently cupped her cheeks with his worn hands, moving towards her. His lips were merely inches away from hers, sending a delightful heat coursing through him. “I'm staying,” he whispered, his tone slow and tender as he spoke.

 

Kagome shook her head, sobbing softly. “I'm sorry, InuYasha. I can't-”

 

“I'm staying.”

 

What could she say? All her will power had been vanquished in her first attempt to tell him no. She couldn't deny wanting him to stay, either. Her heart had been trying to do that every second he had been gone, and she was tired of lying to herself. “Okay,” she said finally.

 

(00000000000000000)

 

“Kagome, can I ask you something?” Sango was staring at her friend, concern pooling from her expression as she lifted her head from the rock it had been propped against. She let her hands glide slowly through the bubbling spring water, letting it induce its comfort. She turned her attention back to the girl in front of her, not failing to notice her distant expression.

 

Kagome sighed lightly, fully aware of exactly what Sango's question would be. She'd been quite surprised earlier that day, seeing InuYasha back in the picture, after all. Kagome smiled weakly. “Go ahead.”

 

“Why are you letting him stay?”

 

She'd seen that one coming. Kagome nodded slightly, turning her face away from Sango, focusing her gaze on a patch of wisteria flowers growing in the cracks and crannies between the stones surrounding the hot spring, wishing life could be as beautiful as the colored petals were. “I don't know,” she finally stammered, her voice quivering at her own answer. The truth was that she did know why, but she didn't want to face the fact that she had swayed from her initial intentions.

 

Sango lowered her gaze, her face darkening. “It just doesn't seem right,” she said. “He left you when you needed him most, Kagome. You're putting faith in someone that may end up hurting you again.” She paused for a moment, looking up at Kagome, seriousness doused across her features. “You've got to realize that you both want two different things. He doesn't want or deserve that baby, not after everything he said. He's probably only offering to stay to wash away his own guilt.”

 

“I know all that!” Kagome brought her hands up to her head, rubbing circles around her temples, trying to relieve her oncoming headache. She wiped away the tears gathering in her eyes before glancing back up at Sango. “I just… I didn't know what else to do. He was telling me what I wanted to hear, and I couldn't say no!”

 

“Did he say he was staying for the baby?”

 

“I…” She trailed off, taken aback. He had only said he was staying—he'd never given an actual reason. This thought scared her. If he had told her exactly what she wanted, and hadn't said it was for their baby, then what did that make her? Was she unconcerned about her child's well being? Did she only want InuYasha to be there because of her own selfish needs? No, that wasn't right. She must've just been caught in the moment—enthralled by his touch.

 

Sango heard Kagome's silence and shook her head. “He's doing this for himself! Convincing yourself that he's not won't make it any less true! He doesn't care!”

 

“How can you be so sure?” Kagome let out a long, drawn-out breath before staring at Sango with stone eyes. “He's not devoid of feeling! He's probably just confused—maybe even afraid!”

 

Sango tossed her head in protest, looking at Kagome incredulously. “You said yourself that he didn't care!”

 

“Well, I don't know, okay?”

 

Sango's expression softened as she moved across the water to place a hand on her friend's bare shoulder, brushing away a stray willow branch that was hanging from the tree that grew to the side of the spring. “I don't want to see you get hurt again, Kagome,” she said quietly. “I feel like this is all my fault. I was the one who brought this all on you two. I don't want you to hurt because of me.”

 

Kagome sniffled, nodding. “I know. I'm sorry. It's just… How am I supposed to know if he cares about anything? I can't just ask him.”

 

Sango thought for a moment, running her fingers once through her hair. “Well, if he supposedly does care about commitment to you and this child, then just ask for that.”

 

Kagome narrowed her eyes. What was she getting at? The only way he could possibly serve a real commitment would be for him to… She immediately cast the thought aside. “You're not suggesting I ask him to marry me, are you?”

 

She laughed nervously, blinking a few times. “Why not?”

 

“He'll leave again!”

 

“Not if he really cares!” Sango insisted, moving herself back to the other side of the spring. Her suggestion, while well meant, still could cause a reaction that she really didn't want to be close to.

 

Kagome shook her head and leaned it against the gnarled looking stone behind her. “The whole point is that I don't want to force him into any obligation. I don't want him to feel like he has to do this, or that I'm smothering him. That's what drove him away last time. Besides, suggesting marriage is like suggesting a commitment to me, not the baby. It's not supposed to be about me.”

 

Sango looked at her sympathetically. “I know…” There was a brief pause before she spoke again. “Having a real family is important for the baby, though.”

 

`Right,' Kagome thought, her eyes fluttering shut. `…A real family.'

 

(000000000000000000000000)

 

Days had passed, and InuYasha had still barely spoken. Kagome sighed lowly, shuffling her legs in the grass that swayed swiftly with the light breeze. Ever since her conversation with Sango, she had thought of nothing but marriage. She had always dreamed of her wedding day, but now that dream was more like the wind around her—quickly blowing away. If InuYasha wasn't going to marry her, but he was going to stay, then who was she supposed to marry? At the moment, it seemed like there wouldn't be anyone, not if InuYasha wasn't willing.

 

Still, she couldn't bring herself to ask InuYasha to make that kind of obligation. He was already putting enough effort out just to stay with her. She couldn't just ask him to be her husband. Though she was completely aware of all this, a question was plaguing her mind—what would happen if he said yes? The thought was utterly irrational, but she still found herself wondering about it. They would finally be in the place in a relationship that she had always wished to be in—the place where love was constant. It was a nice idea, but she wasn't stupid. She knew that with InuYasha's way of living and thinking, there was no way he'd be caught dead in a relationship like that.

 

Kagome brought her knees up to her chest, resting her chin on them, and took a glance at her stomach. Yes, she had forgotten that little detail. With a baby on the way, they wouldn't have the time for that kind of life anyway. She smiled meekly. Even still, she felt happy in the knowledge of her child's existence. Though she may not get to experience the love with InuYasha that she so desperately wanted to, she could still experience the strong love she would feel for her child—the joy of being a parent.

 

“Kagome…”

 

She snapped away from her thoughts, turning her head to meet with InuYasha's golden irises. Her grin broadened slightly as he settled himself next to her. “I see you're talking to me now,” she noted playfully.

 

“Feh! I never stopped talking to you!”

 

Typical InuYasha response. She let out a slight giggle as she looked at his faintly irritated face. But just as she began to feel as if everything was normal, her mind was quickly infused with the notions of Sango's suggestion. No, she didn't want to think about that now. She only wanted to enjoy the time she was spending with him, but the idea wouldn't stop prodding at her.

 

“Jeez. For someone who wants to be talked to, you're sure quiet,” InuYasha said mockingly, before adding for good measure, “For once.”

 

She looked at him, her gaze soft, and her eyes filled with what appeared to be regret. “InuYasha,” she began, quickly looking away from him, and stretching her legs out as she rose to her feet. “What are we going to do?”

 

He stared up at her, hindering a soft sigh. He crinkled a brow in confusion, tilting his head. “What are you talkin' about?”

 

“In the future,” she told him, turning her body to face away from his prying eyes, and concentrating her stare on the forest in front of her. “You're staying, but…is that all? What about once the baby's born?” She added the “if” silently to herself before continuing. “Are you going to be a father to him or her? And what about me?” she asked, gesturing at herself.

 

InuYasha raised an eyebrow. “You?”

 

She took a deep breath before focusing her eyes back on his perplexed face. “Yes,” she said softly. “What are you going to be to me? A boyfriend? A husband? I need to know, InuYasha, because I can't stand the thought of you just being the guy who fathered my child.”

 

He placed his hand on the tree beside him, using it to pull himself to his feet as he turned to glare at her. “Where is all this coming from?” he demanded, his tone sharp and jeering. “You were the one who said that this isn't about us! What happened to that?”

 

Kagome held back a choked sob, shaking her head. “I'm sorry! I just don't know how I'm supposed to raise a family with someone who's just a friend!”

 

“This ain't about raising a family, Kagome—it's about saving Miroku! I thought we talked about that a long time ago! When did it change?” He folded his arms, his eyes sharpening to a point where Kagome was sure they could cut through steel.

 

“I don't know,” she said, mentally kicking herself for even bringing up the subject. She knew he'd react this way, so why did she bring herself into this? “Just thinking about the fact that I won't ever…” She stopped herself quickly, knowing that all she was doing was burying herself in a hole she couldn't escape from.

 

InuYasha groaned in aggravation, lowering himself back to the ground. “This is exactly why I wasn't talking to you,” he stated brazenly, avoiding her hurt expression. “You always start a fight by bringing up stupid topics like this.”

 

She listened to his words in shock. Maybe she did bring up certain things, but that didn't mean that she was to blame for the fights they turned into. “How can you say that?” she asked him in disbelief. “Everything is not my fault! Don't you dare try and blame me! You're the one who left and made things so complicated! I wouldn't even be thinking about this if I wasn't so unsure of what you wanted, InuYasha!”

 

“Yeah, but you're the one who brings up all this! We don't have to talk about everything! That's one of the reasons I left!” He growled, frustrated. What did she want him to say—what did she want him to do?

 

“The only reason I'm bringing it up is because it needs to be talked about,” Kagome said meekly, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Eventually, I'm going to want to have someone to make a commitment with—to get married, InuYasha. If it's not to you, then…” She inhaled deeply, fearing what she was about to say. “I guess it'll have to be to someone else.” How she hated that thought. She didn't want to be with anyone else; she couldn't imagine it. Still, she refused to live the rest of her life as an unmarried woman. “That's why I want to know what you're going to be to me after the baby's born,” she continued.

 

He looked away from her, suddenly feeling a wave of trepidation wash over him. It felt as if every problem he had put aside in his mind was now bombarding him with the most intense force. “Are you saying that you want me to marry you?” he asked finally, silently praying that he wouldn't have to hear the answer.

 

Kagome stood there for a moment, realizing just how unsure of herself she actually was. Should she risk telling him that that was exactly what she wanted? Was she willing to jeopardize her chances of him staying? Swatting her fears aside, she slowly nodded.

 

“Fine.”

 

“What?” She looked at him curiously, narrowing her eyes, and wiping her hands across them as she felt the tears that were threatening to fall.

 

InuYasha caught her in a powerful gaze. “I will.”

 

A/N: Muahaha! Now what will Kagome say to that? And don't forget that their baby is still in danger. Will he or she live? Find out next time… -deep voice from above speaks- On Dragonball Z! -I look up, utterly confused- Uh… Dude, wrong anime! Lol. I seriously used to watch DBZ two years ago. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It was even longer than my last one. Now this is my longest chapter. Hehe. Please review—they are MUCH appreciated.