InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Our Decision ❯ Realizations ( Chapter 12 )

A/N: Okay, you all finally get to find out what Kagome's answer is! Oh, and as far as jealousy—I may or may not do that. It could be in this chapter. Read to find out. Anyway, be sure to check out my new story called “Almost Incest”. I think it's pretty interesting.

 

Important Note: This story as well as my other two are going to be on hiatus for a while. I'm moving this weekend, and I don't know how long it'll be before I get Internet access. Sorry guys. I'll post everything I've written as soon as I get the Internet back.

 

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in the story, except for InuYasha and Kagome's baby. Well, I will if and when he or she is born.

 

Chapter 12: Realizations

 

Kagome gazed at InuYasha, crossing her arms as she shook her head slowly. Her face was a rosy hue, brightened by her increasing anxiety and frustration. “I can't, InuYasha,” she breathed, a stifled sob escaping her as she drew a hand across her face, wiping away the glaze of her tears. “I can't let you say that.” Her eyes were pouring sorrowfully into his, a certain uneasiness clouding them that gave her a distant and secluded appearance. Her brows seem to be fettered in their current position—crinkled in hurt and in the knowledge of her betrayal. “I'm sorry,” she said, her voice barely exceeding a whisper. “I can't do this to you anymore. I want you to leave.”

 

A deep growl vibrated in the back of InuYasha's throat as he stepped toward her, his defiant stare slicing its way into her soul. His hands quickly found their way to her shoulders, gripping her tightly as he jerked her forward. “What the hell is wrong with you?” he demanded, his words seeming lusciously sinister and deathly soft. “You can't just make me feel like I have to marry you, and then tell me to leave.” He pulled away from her, slamming his fist into the gnarled bark of the tree behind her, his claws grinding past the layers of dark wood. “Damn it,” he whispered, aiming his stony stare at his quaking hand before timidly averting his eyes back to Kagome; the fear he saw embedded deeply in her features caught him off guard. “What do you want from me?”

 

Kagome searched his eyes carefully. “I'm doing it again,” she said, placing her hands on his chest to push him further away from her. “I'm forcing you into something you don't want.” She could feel her heart pounding throughout her entire body, its pulsating delivering a deeper sense of apprehension. With a quick intake of breath, her eyes became serious. “I want you to do what you want to do. Don't worry about me, okay?”

 

InuYasha couldn't speak. He looked away from her, concentrating on the grassy field beneath his bare feet. Yes, a part of him had blamed her for everything that he had been feeling, but that didn't mean she needed to condemn herself for it. His eyes wrapped themselves in a blanket of disquiet as he glanced back up at her. “I…I don't know what I want anymore,” he admitted, sounding defeated and broken down, and shaking his head. “But I'm not leaving! You can forget it!”

 

A chaste smile passed over Kagome's lips. She placed her hands softly on the brims of his shoulders, looking up at him with a gaze infused with unadulterated gratitude. A feeble laugh escaped her. “I guess you're not going to marry me, then?”

 

He inhaled sharply, turning his head to the side, evading the hope that had immersed itself within her expression. If he were to agree, then that would bind him eternally to Kagome. That thought seemed to somehow induce a sense of fear inside of him that he didn't understand. It wasn't as if he didn't care about her, but... He took a fleeting look back at her timorous expression, knowing exactly what she wanted him to say. He covered her hands with his own, moving them away from him as he turned to face her completely. “I'm not sure,” he said finally.

 

Kagome nodded. “I see.” She let her eyes flutter shut, as if somehow trying to cover the rejection they emitted.

 

“Kagome.”

 

Her eyes shot open as InuYasha's arms found their way around her. She felt his ragged breath swaying rhythmically in her ear, causing a soothing heat to vibrate through her body. How could a simple embrace invoke such a reaction? Her breathing became unsteady, hitched with unuttered passion as she leaned further into his touch.

 

“Time,” he said slowly. “I need time.”

 

And time was what she gave him.

 

(000000000000000000000)

 

InuYasha sat with his back against the splintered well, feeling it scrape mercilessly across him as he shifted his weight. Kagome had been gone for four days to do something. She hadn't said what or why, but just that there was something she needed to take care of. He glowered hopelessly at his calloused feet, as if to somehow blame them for the lingering feeling of discomfort that had been his shadow since Kagome had let herself pass through the boundaries of time. From the day he had returned to her, he'd had this relentless longing for her nearness; it seemed like he couldn't get close enough to her. He let out the heavy sigh he had been prolonging for days. It didn't matter out much he tried to avoid it; the fact remained that he missed her.

 

“What am I doing?” he asked himself, moving to rest his elbows atop his bent knees. He hated that question. For the longest time, he had been searching aimlessly for an answer to it, but he still managed to retain his state of confusion. The only thing he was sure of was that he was quickly putting an increasing distance between Kagome and himself—something that he held penitence for. It wasn't fair to her, and he knew that; but the changes that had been inflicted on his life had seemed to override that knowledge with the strongest intensity.

 

He shifted again. Something told him that he was close to a realization—something that he so desperately needed to know. But what? He shook his head vigorously, trying to erase the inexorable curiosity that never seemed to leave his mind. He huffed in annoyance, standing up, and pivoting to face the well. It was calling to him—beckoning him into its inky depths. Kagome was there, beyond the swirling blue hue that would envelop him. Something about that thought drew him in, provoking him to leap toward the bottom of the well.

 

(000000000000000000000)

 

InuYasha stared for a moment, his face flushing with embarrassment. What did she want with him? With a clawed hand, he slowly slid the well-house door shut, tilting his head slightly at the gesturing woman ahead of him. She was standing underneath Goshinboku, her form seemingly radiating an immense glow as she ushered him forward. He recognized her brightness immediately—it was the same light that Kagome was slowly developing as her pregnancy continued. He shrugged, figuring it must have been a mother thing. With his hands hidden beneath the red cloth of his sleeves, he trudged forward to meet the peculiarly weakened expression of Kagome's mother.

 

“It's been a while, InuYasha,” she stated bluntly, motioning him to her side.

 

He nodded, seeming unsure of himself as he moved towards her, fixating his gaze on the tree that stood proudly beside him. Though looming, its presence offered some sense of reassurance that he simply couldn't put into words. He glanced back at Mrs. Higurashi, a slight fear lying in his irises in a firm but gentle repose. “Where's Kagome?” he mumbled quickly, his lips seeming to have trouble functioning as he let his arms fall to his sides.

 

“She went to the doctor for a check-up.” Her eyes darkened slightly. “I'm glad you came. I've been meaning to ask you about a few things.”

 

InuYasha felt a lump build up in his throat as her words began to sink in. He crossed his arms again, finding a comforting sense about having his hands tucked carefully in the sleeves of his haori, as he looked back toward the tree. Swallowing hard, he cleared his throat. “Like what?”

 

She folded her hands neatly in front of her before turning in his direction. “Like why you left my daughter,” she said. “She seems to think that she's been hurting you, and that she did everything wrong, and that you were very unhappy. Is that true?”

 

“I…” He hesitated for a moment, reminiscing about the day he had chosen to leave her—the he gave in to that prodding voice in the back of his head. He couldn't even remember if he was really that unhappy, or if she had really done anything wrong. His eyes met Mrs. Higurashi's. “I don't know,” he admitted sullenly. “Everything was just changing so quickly, and I was expected to do these things that-”

 

“So you were scared?” She nodded understandingly at his lame expression. Her gaze lowered as she averted it back to Goshinboku, her eyes seeming lost in the patterns indented on its bark. “You have to understand, though—Kagome thinks that she's the problem. She said you told her that.”

 

“I did,” he spat out quickly, annoyed to some extent that Kagome had even thought to discuss something like this with her mother as a frown set itself on his face. He groaned in frustration.

 

Mrs. Higurashi quirked an eyebrow inquiringly. “And do you really believe that?”

 

“Feh! No!” he remarked, throwing her one of his typical, defiant glares. He turned away quickly, noticing her stern look. His voice became infused with a soft gentleness as he spoke again. “But I wanted to.”

 

She cast him a sympathetic glance, a small smile emerging on her face. “I suppose it's always easier to blame someone else than to blame ourselves, isn't it? I understand that it's hard to deal with a suffering relationship, especially in a situation where things didn't have to change.” She leaned forward, turning her body toward him. “But I can't help but wonder why you agreed to something like this, if you were so reluctant to change things between you two.”

 

InuYasha felt his body go rigid at her words. Why had he agreed? His grip around his arm tightened as his brows furrowed to match the distressed expression on his face. Regaining his composure, he shook the thought aside. “I just didn't want to listen to Kagome whine about it anymore,” he retorted finally. “And if I had said no, then everyone would've blamed me about Miroku.”

 

“In other words, you felt guilty?” Her face softened. “Guilt can have huge influence on our decisions sometimes…” She trailed off, looking longingly into the thick branches and rustling leaves of Goshinboku. “I'm grateful to you, InuYasha,” she said suddenly, her voice slow as her words slid off her lips. “You've kept my daughter safe and protected her. No one had to ask—you just did.” She glanced back at him, her eyes filled with something he couldn't quite place. “But you're the one hurting her now. She's not sure if you even care about her, InuYasha. You need to show her that you do.”

 

He remained quiet, keeping his gaze a good distance away from her. His eyes were dancing with the clouds that hung softly in the sky that was darkened by the oncoming dusk. “How?” he asked meekly.

 

Mrs. Higurashi smiled warmly at him. “That is your decision to make.”

 

(00000000000000000000000)

 

Kagome stared anxiously at her bedroom door, a hand moving to her stomach, rubbing it softly. She'd already had to undergo enough stress at the doctor's appointment, and as soon as she came home, her mother had to tell her that InuYasha was waiting for her. She'd said that he had something important to say. Kagome turned her body, pressing her back against the wall as she sunk down toward the floor, enveloped in her own sea of apprehension. She knew it was silly to be so uneasy in the knowledge of his presence, but she still found herself soaked in that feeling. InuYasha had been so on and off about the words he used with her that it was impossible to even think that he might finally be telling her something she wanted to hear.

 

“This is stupid,” she whispered to herself as she craned her neck slightly. Sighing, she pulled herself up, giving her stomach another stroke, her eyes spilling out sorrow. “I have to talk to him anyway.” She breathed deeply as she moved a hand to lightly caress the lustrous hue of the doorknob. Sheer trepidation began to course its way through her as she turned the knob, opening the door to the very thing she feared. Stepping inside of the room, her lips curled into a weak smile. InuYasha was there, sitting cross-legged on the floor with his back leaning firmly against the side of her bed. A serene expression was set on his face, and his eyes were gently shut as he let out a soft sigh.

 

“About time,” he said tauntingly, letting his eyes slowly drift open to look in her direction. “What took ya so long?”

 

Kagome narrowed her eyes as she leisurely shut the door. Why did he sound so…normal? His voice was jeering, but had a crisp tenderness that assured her that his words, while harsh, were well meant. That was the way he had spoken to her since she'd met him, and the way she had been silently praying he would since their relationship had taken an abrupt and forced metamorphosis. “The appointment took longer than I thought it would,” she told him finally, moving across the room to sit at the edge of her bed. With a small intake of breath, she glanced at him. “Mom said that you had something you wanted to tell me.”

 

He shrugged slightly, ignoring her question. “How did that `doctor' thing go?”

 

She hesitated. He needed to know—it was only fair. She shook her head quickly, turning back to him. “It was fine,” she lied, her voice implementing defeat. “But-”

 

“You want to know what I came here to say,” he finished for her. His voice lowered as he turned to face her. “There's something I want to ask you.”

 

A/N: Ha! Double cliffhanger! I'm so proud of myself! Now I've left you wondering what he's going to ask, and what happened at the appointment. Anyway, I hope this chapter sort of explained InuYasha's psyche. He's not just a jerk, after all! Anyway, I'm sorry about my updates taking so long. I've got two other stories that I'm concentrating on. But don't worry! I won't forget about this one! Anyway, reviews are absolutely adored, and I love replying to them. You never know. You might end up getting a lovely message from me. Hehe. Anyway, thanks for reading!