InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Queer Eye for the Hanyou Guy ❯ Queer Eye Arrival ( Chapter 1 )

Chapter Two

The black limo squealed around the corner, affording viewers a look at it's license plate: FAB5. Inside, Team Queer Eye was looking over the dossier of their newest straight guy.

"This looks like one for the record books," Thom said. He pulled out a black book and scribbled the name Inuyasha just under Snape, Saruman, and Jon Irenicus. ((A/N: Don't own Harry Potter, LotR, or Baldur's Gate 2))

"His name's Inuyasha," Thom continued.

"You mean like dog demon?" Jai asked.

"Exactly. He's apparently a half-demon from the Sengoku Jidai. Occupation: Killing demons and gathering shards of the Shikon no Tama."

"Well, being a demon does not excuse bad fashion sense," Carson put in. "I swear, that yukata is from the feudal ages."

"It says he subsists entirely on Ramen," Ted said, gagging. Kyan took one look at the picture and nearly fainted.

"Something has to be done about his hair. It's like a bat nest. I don't think he ever combs that mess. And those nails! Claws are one thing, but uneven, bloodstained, chewed up claws are quite another." He shuddered involuntarily. Carson took the dossier before it was dropped to the ground.

"Poor fellows in love with a miko named Kagome, but doesn't have the courage to tell her about it."

"Just tell her about it!" Jai sang in a ridiculously falsetto voice. "Tell her everything you feel!/Give her every reason/To believe that you're for real!" Carson blinked.

"Our mission is clear, gentlemen," he continued. "Fix up the straight guy, and give him the courage to confess his undying love." The words Mission: Love is in the Air flashed across the screen. The limo squealed around another corner, and the opening credits/theme song played. (For those who haven't seen the show, the theme song shows the Fab Five gathering at the intersection of `Gay St.' and `Straight St.' Each carries their `weapon' of choice: Carson has shopping bags; Ted, a whisk; Thom, a paintbrush; Kyan, a hair dryer; and Jai, concert tickets.)

Miroku and Sango had been busy making preparations for the Fab Five's arrival. The first order of business was to make sure Kagome was out of the house during the makeover. That was easy enough; they just told her to try and make up all the tests she'd missed while shard hunting. They next had to dispose of Shippou and Kirara for a few hours. Fortunately, the two were quite eager to help out, and easily ushered into the backyard. Finally, they had to get Inuyasha to be in the house. This was slightly more difficult, but they somehow managed it. (The five bowls of ramen probably helped.) Once everything was in place, they made themselves scarce and waited.

Inuyasha was just finishing his fourth bowl of ramen when the doorbell rang. He blinked stupidly, trying to remember whether he was supposed to answer the door when Kagome wasn't home.

"Inuyasha! Get the door!" Miroku yelled. Shrugging, the hanyou got up and shuffled over to the door. He was absolutely unprepared for the sight that greeted him: five strange men in garish, brightly-colored clothes.

"Freeze!" Carson yelled. "This is a fashion violation! Keep those claws where we can see them!"

"What, you mean in your stomach?" Inuyasha growled threateningly. He was caught off guard when Kyan grabbed a tuft of his hair.

"Samson called, honey. He wants his hair back." Before Inuyasha could reply, the grooming professional produced a file and started filing his nails. With a snarl, Inuyasha pushed him aside and grabbed Carson, who appeared to be the ringleader, by his shirt collar.

"Who are you and what in seven **bleep**ing hells are you doing here?" he demanded. Carson frowned.

"First of all, honey, respect the shirt. Genuine Prada, which is more than I can say for this." He grabbed Inuyasha's yukata and rolled the fabric between his fingers. "What's it made out of anyway?"

"Fire rat." Inuyasha replied. Carson was unimpressed.

"Hmm. Practical, but completely unfashionable."

"Will you shut up about my clothes for one **bleep**ing nanosecond!" Inuyasha roared. "Did the world just decide to go crazy today, or has it always been like this, and I've been too wrapped up in myself to notice.?"

"Nice Hitchhiker's Guidequote,"Jai complimented. Inuyasha buried his head in his hands.

"This must be Thursday," he declared. "I could never get the hang of Thursdays."