InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Red isn't only blood ❯ Goshinboku ( Chapter 7 )

So people, here I am! It took a bit more this time but I'm happy with the time I used. At least I'm getting in the hang of not leaving things there for weeks and months. Ok , I know don't tell me about LTFF because I'm gonna update in a while; it took a lot of thinking to do and many comp. probs didn't let me go on writing that one. Anyway, I can't believe I got 109 reviews! Omg! I'm so happy about it. It's you guys who keep me going on!

Well, about the fic. I'm figuring how to put some romance in this in a few chapters, even though I'm not good at writing it…and it's twisted into a painful romance I guess. I have a few ideas, but problem is I have to put them in a particular scene and so I have to lead things a certain way so that the characters don't try and kill each other or just pretend the other's not there. And it'll be a break from my usual angst and stressful writing. Heh. I don't know why, but every time I start writing something it just falls into mind twisting pain for the characters. It also gets a bit weird and full of mood swings. I guess I put too much of myself in my stories.^-^'

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha & co.

Red Isn't Only Blood

Chapter VII: Goshinboku

Kagome walked through the village in the opposite direction she came from, towards the well. She was fully intent of leaving this damned place for a few hours. She could have a nice hot bath and think to herself, alone and uninterrupted. Here in the Sengoku Jidai, every time she thought about something, it was as if the kami were bored and had to disturb her. A demon would crash into her room's wall demanding the Shikon no Tama, Satsuki would come announcing dinner, a rumor of a Shard would be heard of and she would have to go and look for it. These sort of things happened every time she didn't want them to happen. It was also true they say that things happen when you least expect or want them.

She sighed, today wasn't her day. All had gone well before her friends told her the news. Visiting was reveling itself a stupid decision. She looked around; there were strange clouds in the sky, filled with rain. She hoped she could get to the well before the storm started, for the wind and the chillness announced a fierce tempest. She could feel the creatures of the forest hurrying to find a shelter somewhere.

The whole scene was familiar, the rain, the loneliness, the sorrow, the trees, the animals hiding. It was all like that day. The day her life had changed drastically because of the person she then had loved. Speaking about which, she noticed she was at the base of the Goshinboku. The sacred tree stood before her, tall in its entire splendor. Sitting under it for a moment she started remembering everything that had happened in that same place.

She just couldn't regret loving Inuyasha, she just couldn't. It was like a disease; she could hate him as much as she wanted, in the end she would always care for him. But now her caring was different than before. He wanted to be with Kikyou? Fine, he'd do that in Hell. She wanted him to be happy, but he couldn't in this lifetime; his lover was already dead, and he'd have to die with her, bringing Kikyou back to the grave with him in the way it should have been from the beginning.

Exactly one year after she had lost control for the first time, thinking about all her tribulations, emotional problems and feeling the hanyou's presence on the other side of the same tree she was sitting on, her eyes turned azure once again. Yet this time they held something strange, more like a hint of regret. Also, she wasn't mad or lashing out at everything like the last time. She hid her feelings under a cold mask of calmness. She looked only a little annoyed. Her aura flared around her in azure and pinkish shades, and this time she did nothing to hide it. Completely letting all spells fade she sat up and calmly walked to the other side of the God tree.

Kagome thought about what Lady Ayame once had told her, "Everybody knows about demon rage, but nobody ever heard of spiritual rage; it is nearly more dangerous than the youkai one, for it's pure and innocent. The few beings that can fall into spiritual rage have immense patience, and when their control slips, it means something's wrong. It can happen to powerful mikos for example. When this happens it is a complete disaster, silent and murderous, unlike with the youkai who nearly go crazy and kill everything they find. It's silent and murderous. The being who's under certain condition would walk all the Lands looking for revenge as to what caused it's anger and sadness. It would walk the lands, purifying and killing every corrupted being, then destroying everything that look s wrong in it's eyes. The day this starts will be the day of the judgment." That was exactly why she couldn't allow herself to get frustrated and masked her emotions under a cold and emotionless outside. She knew that now she was screwing up most of the training Lady Ayame had given her but now she didn't know what else to think apart how.

When Kagome arrived to her destination, she looked at the memorial erected there with a bored expression, as if the whole morning she had just slept and done nothing. The little shrine was simple in its peace. There was a little table-like stand with a two vases of newly picked flowers and a scroll between them. She saw a roughly written piece of paper attached to the wood; the kanji were big and messy, ruined by what looked like dried tears. Yet, you could read clearly the message:

I'll love you always mama.

She smiled at the little kit's simplicity and felt a bit guilty not taking him with her before. A candle was blowing in the gentle wind and it brought a slight scent of lavender around the small opening in the forest that the place was. She breathed deeply and felt two auras behind.

She noticed the two people standing behind her reacted in two different ways; one was wary, and the other was disturbed by her only presence. One was the hanyou, source of all her problems and the other the undead miko, second source of her troubles. She didn't want to see them; she was already having problems at keeping calm and not destroying anything,

She was feeling a bit happy that even tough they had thought her dead before that morning, they had built a grave memorial for her. It meant a lot that they still remembered her when she wasn't with them anymore. It was another fact that disturbed her, the two beings behind her. They were nicely conversing right before her 'supposed to be' grave and sanctuary. She already didn't like seeing them together, in this place even less. They couldn't expect to be able to kiss here and get away with it. She wasn't going to get mocked to the very last part of her being and just stand still.

A growl snapped her out of her world as she decided it wasn't the moment to put up a fight, after all she had only nine hours to go back home, go buy some things, get school work and pack up some clothes before going back to Lady Ayame's palace. "It's been a long time, Inuyasha, Kikyou; yet, I'd be glad if you left this place." She said calmly, turning to face them with a cool expression.

"Just who the fuck are you to say such things? Why should we leave?" Roared Inuyasha directly at her, angry and a bit puzzled by the girl's action. It was like she already knew them. But he couldn't remember meeting any human as her. She, a human, was talking to them, a hanyou and a powerful miko, like they had to submit to her and do what she said. Somewhere in his mind she was familiar, but what he couldn't point were her eyes and clothes, her black hair was familiar. They looked like Kouga's, except they were a way lighter shade of blue, almost crystalline. Whoever she is she's not giving orders to Kikyou and me. He thought

"Because," she said looking back at the small shrine, " I would appreciate if you didn't insult me any further." Now her eyes were looking directly at the hanyou to then switch and glare a threatening stare at Kikyou. It was truly eerie. She was in front of them calm and relaxed, while her interlocutors were tense, one holding an arrow to the younger miko's heart and the other had his hand on his sword.

"You say we're insulting you, dear reincarnation. I don't see how." Told her Kikyou while lowering her bow to ground level, relaxing the string a little. She looked like she wanted to kill the girl on the spot. Yet, if she did all her plans would get ruined. Poor Inuyasha, he doesn't know what he's getting into. She thought and smiled evilly to herself.

"If you two wanna stay together I don't have anything to say about it. But I don't appreciate if you do in front of my 'memorial'. It's not very polite to go and kiss in front of the 'grave' of someone you hate or dislike isn't it? " Kagome told them, as it was the most obvious thing in the world and they were stupid for not knowing it. It was her turn now to fool them and she was going to have some fun, but she wasn't going to be evil. Just nasty, like a naughty kid. She smiled.

"Whoa whoa! Stop that! Reincarnation? Your memorial? Is…is that you Kagome?" He said a tad too loud for what he meant. He sounded angry and that didn't look like the best thing now, if this really was Kagome he wasn't going to have her run away again. Even if his pride told him he had all the right to be angry after all the crap she had just said, he ignored for once what his instincts and started using his brain, even if it took a great amount of patience, which he wasn't fond of.

"Who do I look like to you huh? I thought that even if I was gone for a year, after twelve months of shard hunting you'd remember my face." She said with a soft and sad look gracing her features, all the while setting her eyes downcast. She was getting a hit every moment from the minute she had entered the village. Under a similar stress and suck revelations, when she was seventeen she would've cried there and then, falling miserably to the ground sobbing her sorrow till she could no longer stay awake. But now things were different; she could defend her pride and honor with her own strength, she was independent from everybody and everything. She could make people pay for what they had done on the level her conscience let her, and it was too low in comparison to what her mind was thinking.

Inuyasha felt like his world was turning colored again. He started feeling the blood flowing in his veins, his heart pumping the very same liquid that flowed in his veins. He couldn't see right, all he knew was that his little sister was back. He started feeling like a bird that just learned to fly, and wanted to teach her to, help her, protect her. He wasn't going to let Kagome get injured again. If this really is Kagome… Doubt clouded his mind, she could be someone who said to be was Kagome. Maybe this was Naraku with his friend's form, he couldn't be sure about anything now. Heck, life's getting more complicated by the moment. He thought sarcastically. "You were dead, how can you still be alive. This doesn't make any sense." Inuyasha told the ningen before him.

"Who told you I was dead?" Kagome inquired, her heart clenching with sadness and anger. She was certain of who told Inuyasha she was dead, but wanted to hear it directly from the hanyou in front of her. That merciless killer didn't have to hurt only her, he even had to go tell her friends she was dead; he had to cause them sorrow as well, she was going to have a talk with him one day about this.

"…Sesshoumaru, the one whose supposed to have killed you. If you are Kagome." He was really starting to believe this was Kagome; all he had left now was hope, he had stopped looking and willing for her to be alive nine months ago. He could just wish this was her and that she never was dead. He almost pitied himself; he was a tough person, and look what he was now. The only being capable of making him feel that way was Higurashi Kagome, the girl from the future.

This was really the end of it. She had to go home, not play around with a stupid miko and hanyou who hugged each other and kissed whenever given the possibility. She closed her eyes shut and sighed, a small sarcastic smile on her lips. "Heh, the bastard, he just has to ruin people's lives, he truly is evil. Oh, and by the way Inu-chan, he went very near to it but he didn't kill me. You really don't believe someone like him can kill me do you?"

"Well, girl, he could very well have killed you. You are nothing, just like your weak power. I really don't see why you go around with so many weapons you d can't use." Told her Kikyou with a smirk, completely unaware of the training her reincarnation had undergone.

"Wanna try that theory?" She said, drawing her sword from its sheath and pointing it directly at Kikyou. "Even though I don't have time to waste with you. I should be home right now." Kagome was just waiting for a chance like this, she could kill Kikyou and it wasn't going to be her entire fault, on some point of view, it was the undead priestess who'd made some misplaced sarcasm; but before of killing the miko she was going to make her and her lover feel what she had. It was even more Revenge is better served cold, they say. She mused.

"You think you're better than me? You're going crazy Kagome, put down that weapon you can't use. And just to make you know, I don't have time to waste either." Said Kikyou placing her bow on her back and starting to take her leave. "Inuyasha, we should be heading back to the village don't you think?"

"Kikyou, I…" babbled Inuyasha unsure on weather to stay or not. He was finally able to get a sniff of her scent, until that moment she had been upwind and her smell was carried in a different direction. She was his friend Kagome. The one who was supposed to have been killed by his half-brother, the one he wanted to protect after Kikyou, his adopted little sister. He wanted to stay, but would the elder priestess forgive him for it? "Kikyou, you go, I'll be back in a few moments." He told her, all the while looking at Kagome, who hadn't lowered her weapon.

"Ok koishii, but remember, I'm waiting for you in Kaede's hut." Said the revived miko. And with that, Kikyou fled in the distance on the path that brought her to the village.

Kagome got a bit sick when she heard Kikyou call Inuyasha 'koishii'. It was, gross, in a way to hear such words from a living dead. Her heart clenched hearing that word from someone like her incarnate and uttered to the man she used to love. Kagome was alive, healthy and cheerful, or at least she used to be; and Kikyou was…dead. Yet he picked that being over her. She felt all the heaviness of the actions of a year ago weighing on her shoulders yet again. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes but she didn't let them. She wasn't going to cry another time for him, for anybody. The time for crying was over. Hopefully with Lady Ayame she would find something to keep her from her problems and sorrows and time would help her forget, it always helped. "I'll take my leave as well, after all I didn't mean to visit you anyways, it was just a coincidence we met." She told him relaxed, as if inside she was feeling nothing, nothing at all.

"No Kagome! You and me are having a talk now! First I want you to tell me where you've been this whole year and why you didn't come back!" Inuyasha told her, a little more than angry.

"Like you cared about what happened to me…" The young miko said, looking at a nearby tree with a far away expression.

"Maybe if you'd tell me then I would!" He said again, his voice high, but not as much as before. He saw she was a bit uncomfortable with the subject and he didn't know what to think. She could have gone through a lot, for all he knew, and her attitude was making him more worried by the minute. What if she was a demon's slave. No, that was highly unlikely, she wouldn't have weapons and wouldn't certainly be allowed to go back home. What was it then?

"I trained somewhere and didn't want to be disturbed." came her flat remark, her sheathed sword now by her side. If she was right, Ayame-san would invite Inuyasha to the party, even if Kagome didn't like the idea. She wanted to see the face of Inuyasha when he saw her at the palace, he would probably be his grumpy self and hurt her somehow. As he usually did. He really never changed did he?

They were now sitting. She was on a tree branch she had jumped on earlier, occasionally looking down at him on the spot the he was seated; which was an outside root of the Goshinboku. The air was chilly and rain was near. The sky was a dark gray and the clouds voluminous. The only two beings outside were a miko and a hanyou. They sat in silence. One looked angry, the other was too difficult to picture. Black and silver hair flowed in the wind. Three swords lay in their sheath silently, waiting to be drawn, yet it didn't look like the owners would fight physically. The air was too tense.

Kagome brought her hands together in a prayer-like way while thinking, when she opened them, there was a little white light inside. Looking at it she talked to the person beneath her, "You know what's so funny in all this? That I knew it. I knew you'd hurt me. But I was so stupid as to blind myself from it. You choose a dead being over me… I know how it feels, to die, I prefer living." She was now holding the light with one hand and gently playing with it.

"…" Inuyasha didn't know what to say. He was at loss of words, she was opening to him, but he wasn't sure it was for the better, she was telling him all he feared, everything that had kept him from making a decision between Kagome and Kikyou. It felt like one last, good-bye. He hurt her, he knew he had. That was why she had run away from them, nearly getting herself killed. It was all his fault, the way she was now, broken and wounded, was all his fault. He couldn't forgive himself. She was suffering because of him.

"Do you know how death feels Inuyasha? It's terrible at first, the blinding pain, you can't breathe properly, all your life passes slowly before you. It makes you feel awful. You regret dying so much in those moments, you think about the ones who you care for and the ones who care for you and how they're going to feel. Then you start feeling cold like every minute a bit of energy is being sucked from you. Your feet start going numb, then your legs, hands, arms, abdomen, chest; and before you know it you're fainting. The dried blood on your clothes and skin makes every movement painful so you stop moving, breathing, for even that is painful. Then the rain would wash the blood and start pouring in your wounds, dropping regularly on your open wounds, hurting you as much as humanly possible, in my case," Kagome said.

She had stopped playing with the little glowing object, but it still floated above the palms of her hands. She stared at it intently, searching for some comfort in it. She had never dreamed of telling anyone what she'd felt that day. It was hers, but somehow here with Inuyasha, in this place, with a weather like this and her sad mood, she just started opening, not thinking about what she was saying or doing.

The hanyou looked at her fiddling with what he did not recognize, while she told him what she'd felt that day. He was shocked. He didn't know how a person could feel those emotions ad still be sane…alive. She had experienced pure pain, both of the mind and spirit and he was the culprit, on some part. He felt terrible, that explained it all. He knew some of it, when Kikyou pinned him to the tree it was a similar thing, but he just fell unconscious, he didn't feel much pain and didn't have time to think much apart the fact he didn't understand his love's actions; but Kagome had had enough time to think about a lot of torturing things before collapsing.

"Then it gets better. You feel like slipping away. You close your eyes for desperation and you feel tired of everything. You're surrounded by black, a place with no apparent ending, nor start. You feel lost and start giving up. But somehow you see that the darkness brings you some ease. You start feeling lighter and your mind frees from all problems, you forget everything apart who you are and that blackness can help your pain go away. Then you just faint, the pain forgotten and death's nearer than life. All you have to do is wait until one of your ancients comes and retrieves your soul to lead it to Nirvana." A lone tear escaped one of her eyes, it trailed along her right cheek and landed on the forest floor to be absorbed by the ground .

"Kagome I don't know what to say. What I experienced when Kikyou hit me, wasn't that hard. I barely had the time to realize I was fainting." He told her truthfully.

"Don't.ever.say.that.name, in front of me again." She said looking at him, eyes narrowed and a threatening strong voice. "You know nothing about what I've been through because of her; always too blind because you two used to love each other fifty years ago. You know what? I despise you. You can't move on and start a new life. You still stay with a woman who practically killed you. No, a walking corpse who, still…wants to kill you," She said in disdain.

"What are you saying Kagome! You never acted like this! Something's happened to you! Tell me what it is I want to help you. I want to protect you…" Inuyasha told Kagome. He was very afraid for her. She was having extreme mood swings, he felt if she didn't get some help she would explode in a way or the other, maybe get mad. She had so many things bottled up inside of her, things she told nobody which were eating her inside and wouldn't let her free. Memories that haunted her probably.

"You say something's happened Inuyasha? Right! I just came back from training and find out that a week after I was gone Kikyou took my place! How do you think I felt Inuyasha? How do you think I still feel? In this time everybody knows me as Kikyou's reincarnation; at least many do. How would you feel if everybody thought you were the reincarnation of Naraku? I don't think you'd feel fine! That's exactly how I feel!" She didn't want people to look at her and ask her if she was Kikyou. It drove her crazy. She wanted to shout to the world she was Kagome and no one else; she would show people what she was going make her own fame, she would be known as Kagome Higurashi, not as Kikyou's reincarnation. Not now, not in the future, time for patience was over.

"Kagome! No one thinks of you only like a reincarnation. Why would someone only think it? To me and everybody else you'll always be Kagome, no one else. Let me try and help you." Said Inuyasha desperately, trying to cease her shouting.

"Too late Inuyasha! You already did a good enough job the first time! Look at what you did! You left me alone and hopeless! You swore you'd protect me and then said the same thing to that…bitch, who wants to kill me. Do you think I can forget? Do you think I can pretend nothing's happened and just start over again! That's not it Inuyasha! Now you have your corpse and I have to search for something to hold onto! Just leave me alone and go on your way, we each will. Forget me and I will forget you!" She shouted to him after jumping down from the tree. Her fists were clenched by her sides, her knuckles white. She clenched her jaw from preventing anything else coming out, he already knew enough.

"Don't talk about Kikyou like that! And I told you, I'll always protect you no matter what!" He yelled.

"Can't you see? You always think about her first! No matter what I'll always be a shadow to her! No matter what!" Kagome shouted the top of her lungs, taking a few steps backwards, towards the forest. The sky was growing blacker by the moment and the little flying white thing she had created floated on top of her shoulder glowing dimly in the dark atmosphere. All was tense and even the wind had stopped blowing. This was the calm before the storm. A frightening thing to many. "I'm leaving!" The shout was heard through all the forest.

As Kagome started running to the well Inuyasha ran behind her, but was subdued in the process. When the spell wore off he simply watched the way she'd left sadly. A tear ran down his face. It wasn't for him though, but for Kagome and what she had suffered. He then watched the little white thing Kagome had left, a firefly... Kagome had the gift to grant life or death, a very dangerous one if in evil's hand. He couldn't believe she hadn't killed him with such a power. He made his way back to the village, she needed time to think and he wasn't certainly going to take it from her in a moment like this. With the firefly following him, he slowly walked to the group of huts that could be seen in the distance looking at the landscape before him pensively

Meanwhile Kagome reached the well. Before jumping in she fell on her knees, one hand holding the rim of the wooden construction and started hitting the ground with her fist. She had enough of this. No matter what she told herself or what she wanted to do, when it involved Inuyasha, she could never do as she liked, she always ended up desperate. Never mind how much she tried to hate him; or if she told herself so, at the end she would always care and feel something for him and hurt herself. "You're, an idiot Inuyasha. I'm…an idiot." She choked between clenched teeth. The wounds from a year ago were still open, from both Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru. This new fight just added another hit to her already worn out soul.

Sitting up she jumped in the well and felt the warm magic around her. It looked as if the well was trying to soothe her sorrows. The purple light enveloped her in what seemed a motherly hug, and she allowed herself to relax in the momentary peace, even if it was for only a few seconds. When she hit the bottom of the well in her time she slowly climbed it. Once she opened the wooden doors she looked at Tokyo; it really was so much different from Sengoku Jidai, both in the nature and way of living. She didn't know what time she preferred.

***

A/N: So, this is what came out. It was mainly an Inuyasha/Kagome thing. It was mainly to show what is going on in their minds. So far Inuyasha feels guilty (oh poor guy he always does.) and Kagome just doesn't know; when it gets to the pup she's always confused. So far so good ain't it? I hope so at least. Gah, I'm getting into boring stuff now. Hnn…oh yeah. I might be taking a bit more to update these days. Here where I am in holiday I can go ice-skating so I'm there at least 4-5 hours a day and it tires me out a lot. I'll try to update in no more than two weeks though.